Ruination: The Tempest - Results

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That Kode Guy
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Ruination: The Tempest - Results

Post by That Kode Guy » Mon Sep 05, 2022 5:42 pm




Pink Wedge vs. Burning Blue

Both bricks come out all bricked up (don't google that) and Pink Wedge immediately gets it's Overkill-lookin ass up in Burning Blue's face- uh, wait. no it doesn't. It tries to go for a flank instead. This doesn't work out great for Pat! Burning Blue finds an easy opening and takes it, flipping it up into the air multiple times. And since Pink Wedge's weight is all over the place from it being longer than a schoolbus, this is definitely NOT a good look in the eyes of the judges. Basically imagine that you throw a wet fish around a bunch, with it being all floppy and wiggly. That's how Pink Wedge looks right now.

Pat eventually gets his footing and- stop going for the side bro c'mon stop stop stop. Okay, I think he's starting to get that it's not working, because he immediately goes headfirst and slides right under Burning Blue. That hammer comes swinging in at a whopping force of two but at least gets a decent grip. Decent enough to earn Blue a trip to the hazards! Namely the saws, giving it a nice little scuff on the underside. From here things generally go in Pink Wedge's direction, the wedge is just heavier, the drivetrain's faster, and Burning Blue just doesn't have much of a weapon to counter with. After about a solid minute-and-a-half (maybe a 'lil more) of bullying and shoving, the buzzer sounds. Is it enough?! Let's go to the scorecard...


Pink Wedge wins by JD (9-6)

Venice Queen vs. Ayame

This is a very challenging fight to write for my first match in years, but I guess there’s something to be said for diving straight into the deep end right? As an authors note, I want to comment on the notion of Ayame’s flipper running out of flips. I honestly can’t recall that a weapon running out of power for reasons outside of accumulating damage ever being a thing in ARC in all the time I was on the active staff. If something has changed in the last couple years to that effect and I’ve overlooked it, by all means let me know. For what it’s worth, in this particular fight I’d argue that at 2 weapon power it’s probably unlikely that Ayame is going to use up all it’s weapon battery power unless Alex was allowed to continuously fire off the flipper uninterrupted for the entire duration of the match. On to the actual fight now!

I’m pointedly reminded of classic Barrier/Shockwave fights here, except I think these to bots are even faster. As a testament to this fact, both bots speed out of their squares aggressively and meet near the center of the arena amazingly quickly. The slight speed advantage and a more direct approach allow VQ to make the first successful wedging of the match. VQ looks flip Ayame quickly, but Ayame is no sloth and manages to retreat enough so that VQ doesn’t have enough of Ayame’s mass on the flipper to come close to an inversion. Ayame uses the precious few moments while VQ is resetting from the flipper to sneak in and try a flip of their own. The result ends up being pretty much a mirror of the first encounter, with VQ getting popped up a bit more owing to the slight extra power Ayame’s flipper has. The fight stalemates in this fashion for the next 30-ish seconds as both bots are very determined to try and flip the other over, but neither is able to really get that one big solid flip in. VQ decides to change course and backs off the aggressive approach. Ayame comes in and… VQ just barely manages to get totally clear of Ayame’s flip attempt thanks to its amazing speed. VQ manages to take advantage of this momentary vulnerability and gets under Ayame while it is recovering. The first full on flip of the match belongs to VQ. Ayame ends up flat on its back, but before you can say “SUBS vs. DUBS”, Ayame has fired the flipper and flops right side up again. VQ hasn’t been idle however and quickly shoves the recovering Ayame over the killsaws. An impressive shower of sparks ensues, but Ayame manages to get juggled away from VQ, so there isn’t much chance for a quick follow up attack. Ayame is really looking to make up for lost time and strategically places itself near the saws. VQ comes around looking to continue the offensive and some quick maneuvering on Ayame’s part allows it to wedge under VQ and get in a good solid flip of its own. VQ makes a hasty retreat to both get clear of the hazard and to try and get some space to self-right. Inevitably, the delay cause by self-righting gives Ayame a chance to wedge and flip again. Ayame then gets to flip VQ against the arena wall and is able to pin VQ down for a spell. After the mandated time passes and Ayame has to back off, the fight continues on in a pretty back and forth fashion. With the end of the match quickly approaching, both bots dial up the aggression looking to make that one last big impact move to seal the deal, however there are no more major tide shifts in this one here.

Aggression: 8-7 Venice Queen
Damage: 8-7 Venice Queen
Strategy: 8-7 Ayame

Venice Queen wins 23-22

Failure Duplicator vs. Scrapper

The match starts, and it’s spinner vs. spinner so both bots are taking their time getting all three weapons up to speed. That’s right, three, because Failure Duplicator has two, an eggbeater spinner on one end and an undercutter, so it’ll be interesting to see which one it wants to use. It looks like it’s leading with the undercutter, possibly trying to take out the support forks for Scrapper’s drum. It twists to the side but isn’t quite quick enough, and they hit weapon-to-weapon! Bang, both bots get knocked back hard! Scrapper slides about ten feet back on its rear wedge, while Failure Duplicator goes pirouetting around on its side skirt.

Both bots seem to still be functional though, and they come in again. FD didn’t like the look of that and backs off, Scrapper’s chasing after it, but it comes in again, and there’s another big impact. This time no sparks until FD clips the floor as it recoils, but Scrapper’s been sent spinning around on its side, and something hit the side of the arena really hard.

Failure Duplicator is still working, Scrapper is still working but it seems lopsided, and tips forward making the drum gouge into the floor. And it looks like Scrapper’s lost one of its front forks, and having some issues maneuvering without hitting the floor as a result – no, there’s a huge chunk just snapped out of the left frame rail! This bot can easily flip itself over with gyro forces and run inverted, but Tri isn’t going for it and is just trying to keep Scrapper lined up without tipping. It’s doing some gyrodancing keeping the bad fork off the ground, but Failure Duplicator is hanging back, not wanting to engage with a machine that’s moving unpredictably like that. It comes down and goes for another hit - and it’s a massive one! Both bots are flung violently across the box. There’s another big gouge out of Scrapper’s other frame rail. It’s not torn off, but it looks like it might be bent or twisted.

Meanwhile Failure Duplicator has pulled the Fusion Dance (no, not the Dragonball Z one) and flipped itself upside down. The weapon is now an overcutter, which should make it easier for Scrapper to get a big uppercut on, but Scrapper’s weapon seems to have stopped. Which Failure Duplicator takes a bit to notice, because it’s busy driving into the wall trying to flip itself back over, until somebody points out that its opponent has no weapon, and it just smacks it again. Scrapper’s drum takes the hit and gets a nasty gouge, but it’s still moving. Ahh, but Failure Duplicator now lets its weapon stop and spin the other way, and goes for a big coup de grace shot. Scrapper gets launched a good five feet in the air, and either the top or the bottom panel is loose on it. Failure Duplicator is still spinning and… that’s a tap out from Scrapper.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:12, is Failure Duplicator!

25 or 64 to 4 vs. Flipkick

Oh my. A hammersaw vs a drisc. You'd think this would be exciting, right? And... actually, it sort of lives up to the hype. See, HFL starts the match with the saw facing away from Drew's bot. How rude. You never face away from your opponent! Such dishonour. Well, Drew comes out with 25 or 64 to 4 and tries to hit Flipkick's saw. Except he can't, because it's on the other side of the bot. Oh wait, it's being brought over now as HFL tries to hit 25 or 64 to 4's chassis. Well that's not going to work, at least not yet, because 25 or 64 to 4 gives Flipkick its own nomenclature back to it by flipkicking the flipkicker backwards, not doing any real damage but scoring some aggression points. Okay, that didn't work. HFL tries again, but 25 or 64 to 4 is just too quick and knocks Flipkick away, although Flipkick angled away this time so it didn't get punted into the wall, and runs to mid-arena with 25 or 64 to 4 chasing it down. With careful aim this time, Flipkick brings the saw down and manages to strike direct chassis this time, even as 25 or 64 to 4 takes another (ineffective) bite out of Flipkick's own. One of the blue panels on top of 25 or 64 to 4, connected to the drisc supports, just crumples like tinfoil as 25 or 64 to 4 is slammed into the ground by the force of both that and its own hit against Flipkick. This sort-of double impact stuns 25 or 64 to 4 long enough for Flipkick to recover and try coming in again. This time Flipkick gets a clean hit without retaliation, tearing the chassis and nearly ripping off one of the side scoops. However, 25 or 64 to 4 still seems to have full drive and now moves forward again, knocking Flipkick silly. We are then treated to a wonderful montage of 25 or 64 to 4 punting Flipkick all around the Battlegrounds arena before the latter can bring the saw down properly. Over time the back and underside of Flipkick bears all sorts of nicks and paint scratches, but it's still barely even cosmetic damage. HFL even tries to go absolutely batshit with Flipkick and drive around at random, but 25 or 64 to 4 is still able to juggle him reasonably well, although there is a very close call when, during one such contest, the saw of Flipkick barely just missed grazing the upper support of 25 or 64 to 4.

However, eventually Flipkick finally gets it together and manages to sneak in a devastating blow, getting the previously damaged side and tearing it straight open, exposing the inner workings of Drew's lightweight, even as 25 or 64 to 4 catapults Flipkick away in response. At that moment, 25 or 64 to 4's drive begins to fail it and its mobility is significantly reduced, as it tries to chase after Flipkick but is now outsped by a fair margin. Still wary of being punted around, Flipkick tries going after the side of the wounded 25 or 64 to 4, but time isn't in his favour and the buzzer goes off just before he gets the hit he wants. Welp, to the judges we go.

Aggression: 11-4 25 or 64 to 4 (yeah try making sense of that)
Damage: 13-2 Flipkick
Strategy: 8-7 Flipkick

Flipkick wins by a 25-20 judges' decision.

Whipscorpion vs. I Can't Believe It's Not Tanto

In comes a big rush from Tanto as Whipscorpion begins to spin up. But before he is able to reach that top speed, he is met with the wedge of Tanto. Whipscorpion attempts to push away from tanto, and it becomes loosened but is still slightly stuck. Another punch breaks it free, and sends it flying to the other corner. It begins to spin up again and reaches max speed as Tanto tries to stuff it again. It doesn't succeed however, as it instead takes a hit from the underside of the wedge, causing that side to get fairly dented. However, this hit also sends WS flying and into another wall. It tries driving away, although a bit sloppily to spin up again, but this time Tanto is ready and makes a run towards it. It gets underneath and begins sending it towards the pulverizer. The puncher fires to distance itself, but it's only able to move it's body backwards with the puncher still stuck on the wedge. It takes three hits from the pulverizer, and then is finally able to wiggle itself free. Under a minute to go and WS gets a decent amount of distance after a few tussles where small hits send it flying and Tanto tries to chase after it. Towards the end Tanto attempts to tank another hit from the fast spinning Whipscorpion. However this shot is lined up perfectly by Bob, reaching over the bumper and slicing right through a tire! Tanto goes spinning and begins to hobble looking for another opening until the buzzer sounds

Aggression: 10-5 Tanto
Damage: 13-2 Whipscorpion
Control: 12-3 Tanto

I Can't Believe It's Not Tanto wins 24-21!



Bite Me vs. Black Hazard

Hot damn! Pat finally has pictures that are in focus! Then again, his RP references things like a “peed” stat (presumably an indication of how much he drinks his fluids) and Hazard became Hazord (presumably an indication that he’s now sponsored by Saban Entertainment). Black Hazard correctly anticipates Bite Me’s box rush and this allows him to fend off any potential crushing attempt. What we get is a weapon on weapon contact that gives off a crowd pleasing shower of sparks and flings both bots away violently. Black Hazard is fairly content to play this game and does a pretty good job of feeding his weapon into Bite Me’s face. As you might expect this has a much more negative cumulative effect on Bite Me than it does Black Hazard. Ultimately it ends up being just a matter of time until Black Hazard lands a solid hit on the less durable main chassis of Bite Me and soon thereafter he’s down for the long count.

Black Hazard wins by KO in 1:38

Apeirogon vs. TD

Apeirogen crawls its way towards the center. Tiki Dude does the same, while spinning up its weapon. Apeirogen strafes sideways as Toxic attempts to turn and reach him before bad things happen. Eventually Apeirogen is able to get itself into the right position and fires. In a work of gracefulness, Tiki Dude is able to gyro away from the first and second shot. Apeirogen is forced to reposition again as Tiki Dude continues to draw near, drum now at a low hum. Tiki Dude attempts to dodge another attack as he moves closer. Apeirogen fires another shot before it is able to grow again, hitting the drum of Tiki Dude. This puts a reasonable dent in the drum, making it harder to spin up. However, this shot also managed to bounce back, hitting Apeirogen square on the right side of the wedge, nearly separating the wedge entirely from its hinges and leaving it a bent mess. Tiki Dude is now struggling to stay up on 2 wheels and is trying to stay away from that gun. Another shot to the drum breaks it completely and breaks it from one side. One more shot 20 seconds later finally hits a corner on the front of Tiki Dude stopping it in its tracks

Apeirogen wins by KO in 1:41

Containment Breach vs. Skoll

It's always funny how much of an obligation I feel to adhere to my previous writing style. I'm so afraid of branching out, and writing these the way my voice says they should be written now. I suppose, I'm afraid that it won't be much of a read.

Blue square's got Skoll in it. I'm always disappointed when HFL doesn't bring out the scythe blade, that thing's a hell of a looker. Red square's got containment breach. I'm always a sucker for Duck wedges, but I'd generally prefer to see one without forks, for a spinner.

Right off the bat Containment Breach goes for the rush, and right off the bat skoll runs away. Containment Breach is freakishly stable out there though, and TDG reacts to Skoll's change in direction and is able to continue to hassle the spinner as it tries to get something going. HFL decides to stand and fight, even with the weapon only partially to speed. And to his credit, he does slap containment breach away, though the wedgebot is on him again before he can spin up.

Clang. Clang Clang, goes the repeated slapping of weapon against fork as skoll fights for space, fights for time, fights for center stage. But it's not getting any of those things. No, not in this part of the match. Instead it's getting a date with an arena hazard. It proves very hard for skoll to escape this precarious situation, trapped between a hammer and a wedge. To HFL's credit he almost manages to get on top of Containment breach once, but the wedgebot just used its lifter to slap him back into place.

The bots are forced to separate eventually, but this still leaves skoll at a distinct disadvantage. To HFL's credit, his hits are very effective… at separating the two bots. The forks are showing battle scars - silver through the black - but they don't look too bad, yet. But, each hit is on a sharp edged corner, flinging the two bots away with every hit, hindering containment breach's attempts to close in. Not hindering it well enough, though it would seem, as we get a full pin coming into the 2 minute mark.

Both bots are starting to show battle scars, now. HFL seems to have been successfully targeting one of the forks, which is notably twisted and not running even to the ground, which is certainly making driving a bit more challenging for TDG. But Skoll's weapon is taking a lot longer to come up to speed: a lot of spinners build assuming they can win quickly with their massive weapons, but this comes at a cost if a bot can endure the beating. This last minute is ALL about endurance. Skoll is still getting too harried to really take space and threaten consistent full-power contact on engagements - but containment breach isn't closing the gap as effectively with the fork hindering its movement. So the two bots duke it out like two klingons arguing over a woman. No more pins to close out the match - just hit after hit after hit after hit until the bell finally rings.

Aggression: 3-2 Containment Breach
Damage: 3-2 Skoll
Control: 4-1 Containment Breach

Final judgment 9-6 in favor of Containment Breach.

MORE PUZZLES vs. No Tomorrow

Grab your popcorn, some bot is going to blow up in no time. Or at least it would be in no time if these bots' handling wasn't so bad, though is more like one bot is hilariously bad and the other one is just meh-. Still someone is going to blow up

Anyways the first encounter happens after quite a few seconds it really is just MORE PUZZLES trying to have any resemblance of control while No Tomorrow waits at a safe distance to try to approach safely. Some awkward seconds later No Tomorrow finds a window and goes for the hit but MORE PUZZLES does manage (probably just dumb luck) to quickly turn and land his spinner on top of No Tomorrow's own and we get a nice weapon to weapon hit, No tomorrow slides back a few meters while doing donuts while MORE PUZZLES is seen flying and doing several flips, bounces against a wall and lands perfectly upright facing it's opponent somehow.
Soon we enter round 2. No Tomorrow attacks more aggressively, MORE PUZZLES does dodge a few attacks thanks to its gyroing out of stuff (all luck no skill :V) until they do actually make contact, unsurprisingly weapon to weapon again considering the proportions of these bots. Yeah MORE PUZZLES goes somersaulting and bounces many more times before landing relatively stable.
They start approaching for r3 and... nope nvm MORE PUZZLES hits the floor and gets yeeted very far away. Actual round 3 involves even more dancing until yet again weapon to weapon hit and the ridiculous contraption flying some more. No Tomorrow seems more damaged than it's opponent but both of them appear to still be functional.
For round 4 No Tomorrow finds a clear path to MORE PUZZLES's ass and goes for it and misses completely, the disco floor contraption is quick to turn back for a easy shot and... hits the floor right past No Tomorrow and completely wastes the opportunity, bummer.
After nearly having a heart attack, our french driver rushes to get a quick and easy hit in the ass but no MORE PUZZLES ends up forcing a weapon to weapon hit again (rng gaming). puzzly boy flies some more and it seems like the weapon on No Tomorrow isn't spinning so that is really bad, like really reall... nvm it works now.
Both of them approach for round i-lost-count-already, MORE PUZZLES tries some more if its gyro nonsense and just turns too much, hits the floor, and throws itself right into No Tomorrow's weapon and something flies off. After the somersaulting ends we can see that MORE PUZZLES only has one leg now, luck running out?
If you thought that it's handling couldn't get worse you have been proven wrong, No Tomorrow has no way of taking advantage of this because MORE PUZZLES keeps hitting the floor and flying off somewhere else. This goes on and on, it's honestly getting boring by now. It can't really get counted out as it does move in a rather controlable fashion between each self flip
After lots and lots of bouncing MORE PUZZLES yeets itself into the other spinner in the arena finally and it seem to be weapon to weapon by some miracle. After that last hit MORE PUZZLES goes back to its regularly scheduled programming and No Tomorrow's weapon is not working again. Is it dead for good now? idk the 3 minute timer just ran out.

Aggression: 10-5 No Tomorrow
Damage: 9-6 MORE PUZZLES
Strategy: 9-6 No Tomorrow

No Tomorrow wins by a 25-20 judges' decision

Disposal Unit vs. The Act of Being Polite

Hey look, late RP. Guess Jack's shit out of luck. Except not, because I'm not going to ostracize him for things out of his control. By the way, I should mention that I fucking love Disposal Unit. Its drum weapon reminds me of those huge industrial grinders at my previous workplace that instantly ground plastic bottles into mush. They also got jammed when assholes were too lazy to throw gigantic fucking chunks of melted, hardened plastic into the proper bins and instead chucked them into the grinders, causing them to stop, burn the belts and smoke up the entire plant for hours at a time. Gotta love that.

Anyway, I was about to write a fantasy robot combat fight, but memories of work distracted me. Right. Ethan and Jack nod respectfully at each other as the middleweights with the big-ass spinning weapons approach each other. Jack looks to be goading Ethan into oversteering his bot, although with just as much a difference between his speed and traction, he's not exactly immune to that himself. He seems to be banking more upon The Act of Being Polite's shape lending it to such an effect. Well, let's see... well Jack definitely has more control over his robot, although he seems to be gyro'ing very, very slightly even when he turns. To his credit, Ethan actually is finding it tricky to control his spinner as well, but he's hanging in there. Which ties into the first collision of the match. Disposal Unit tries going around the spinning bar and then quickly juking about to get at the side pod. But as it does so, Jack quickly has to readjust his robot so it doesn't gyro, and while The Act of Being Polite nearly swoops side-on to Disposal Unit's front, it turns forward into Disposal Unit's direction, trying to hit it. There is a satisfying BANG as the bar makes contact with that big industrial grinder I mentioned above, and I bet the workers having to clean up the arena afterwards are going to have a field day as the grinder is immediately halted and the smell of burnt rubber belt plagues the arena. Or maybe it doesn't. I doubt the belts running Disposal Unit's weapon are as big and heavy as the ones on the grinders. They were at least 15 metres long and about 5 inches wide. Yes, I used metric and imperial units in the same sentence. Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters?

Probably not, since there's a match still going on. And the aftermath of the collision is that Disposal Unit has a gouge in its drum while The Act of Being Polite has been pinged all the way across the arena, a small chip out of the bar taken. That's a 3-point to a 1-point disparity for ya. As it is, when Disposal Unit tries spinning up, the grinder appears to be jittering a little. However, it's still working fine in essence anyway, and it doesn't seem to be impeding Disposal Unit's drivetrain any more than it was before. So Jack's still game, and his bot comes back into mid-arena as The Act of Being Polite tries to regain its bearings. It begins spinning up again, but by the time it's fully up to speed Jack has cornered it. He employs the same tactic he did before, with Ethan having less room to maneouvre. The problem is that Jack still doesn't have the best control over his robot either, and as he has more of a chance to hit one of The Act of Being Polite's wheels, Ethan is able to swivel his bot just enough so that the huge-ass spinning bar manages to clip one of Disposal Unit's support teeth, immediately destroying it. It's probably what would happen if I took that tooth and threw it into one of the industrial grinders. Good shit. Anyway, while it doesn't knock Disposal Unit far, it has the huge effect of not allowing Jack to turn Disposal Unit in one direction, lest Disposal Unit gyro enough for the drum to hit the ground. So he's immediately faced with a problem. And to make matters worse, he's faced with another. The Act of Being Polite comes in on him again, so he's forced to go weapon-to-weapon on him. More of the drum gets carved into as both bots get sent wacky by the hit, and The Act of Being Polite is thrown directly into the corner, where the spiky hammer hazard lands on him, putting a sizable hole in the chassis. That hadda hurt.

But whatever happened to Ethan's bot, it's clear that Jack is not having a good time. The drum of Disposal Unit is now forced to spin at a lower speed so Jack can keep the bot under control, both from the damage and from the missing foot. Sensing victory, Ethan drives his pounded bot out of the pulverizer corner, weapon spinning back up to speed, and Jack just goes for the Hail Mary approach at this point, spinning the drum back to full speed despite the stability problems. Disposal Unit is already madly twitching before The Act of Being Polite makes contact with it... and oh wait. The Act of Being Polite actually hit the other support. Well that was anti-climactic. Or not. Disposal Unit isn't exactly tipping drum first into the ground... but nor does it look even remotely stable anymore. It tries to turn, but now gyros in earnest, and The Act of Being Polite takes advantage by slamming the bar straight into its face. With that, there is now a sizable chunk taken out of The Act of Being Polite's bar, but Disposal Unit's drum took it on the side and has nearly been dislodged from the axle, dragging on the ground and is in no shape or form able to work any further in this match. With a minute left to go in the match, Jack taps out to spare his robot from any further damage. And maybe to spare the crewbots from any further cleanup. Break out the air fresheners.

The Act of Being Polite wins by a knockout in 2:03.



Fork The Wind vs. 2-face

Spinner vs brick. The classic matchup. Oh wait, this spinner isn't your typical 16-power piece of crap? Golly gee wilikers. And honestly, you know what? Pat's plan seems pretty solid. Admittedly, it takes a while to get going, because TurtleBack is making life really horrible for him with his better drivetrain and able to outmaneovure the forks reasonably well. Fork The Wind takes some hazard damage for a little while, but eventually he's able to get in a pretty damn good hit that immediately inverts 2-face and, without an invertible wedge to work with, 2-face is pretty much a dead duck. Well, not quite, because it can still try to angle in on Fork The Wind, but it has incredibly limited success. It can push Pat's robot for maybe a few seconds before Fork The Wind readjusts itself and gets the spinner in, knocking 2-face away and then following it up with several more hits front-on. Eventually TurtleBack just gets tired of this and stuffs the inverted wedges down Pat's throat. No, not literally. I meant his bot, fools! I think he was hoping to jam Pat's spinner and push it that way, but Fork The Wind just simply gets under and has a fun time pushing 2-face around before 2-face uses its better drivetrain to escape.

And really, that's pretty much all notes of relevance for this fight. 2-face controlled the first minute, but it went completely Fork The Wind from the moment 2-face was flipped. And now the buzzer goes off and forces me to make a decision. Fuck you I won't do what you tell me. How ironic. I'll leave you with that thought. And reference.

Aggression: 8-7 Fork The Wind
Damage: 8-7 2-face
Strategy: 12-3 Fork The Wind

Fork The Wind wins by a 27-18 judges' decision.

Chimera vs. Greenwar

"On mobile, sorry cutie no stats"

nope. you lose, bye bye. green war wins by DQ (0:00)


OK but actually both robots come out of the gate and Chimera pretty immediately takes control of things. Not in a "oooh look at that SLAM against the wall" kinda way, but Chimera is able to poke its nose in enough to keep Greenwar penned into a single spot. This goes on for at least a solid 45 seconds with Greenwar waiting for the slip-up, but it's just not happening. Boring stuff.

However, Chimera eventually slides in on the left side of Greenwar's forks, and... kinda(?) lifts it. Just with the tip, leaving Greenwar's center of gravity juuust out of reach for Chimera to really dig in. Overbalancing slightly, Chimera backs off after a half-hearted effort and tries to go in again. It's subsequent attempts are a lot more successful, leading to it eventually SLAMMING- ehh more like "pushing" Greenwar against the wall.

The edge goes to Chimera for most of the fight... but not triumphantly. VQ plays it really safe, leaving both the judges and audience a little miffed. But hey, if it works it works. Greenwar's spinner ends up being too high to really catch onto anything outside of whacking against the fork ends a few times. It causes some scratching and denting, but not nearly enough to wow anyone before the buzzer goes off.


Chimera wins by JD (10-5)

Taisabachi vs. Powerdrive

Powerdrive spins up and moves forward, aiming for the sides of Taisabachi. It is unsuccessful in this endeavor, as it is flipped by Taisabachi and is now on it's back. It attempts to self right but is then tossed into a wall. He then pins the bot as it eventually gets itself over and in a position where it slowly slides away from Taisabachi. It now aims for the flipper portion. While Taisabachi is able to get under the spinner, this causes the bot to shake a bit and lose some paint on the flipper. This goes on for a bit where Powedrive is able to take some chip damage on his opponent while Taisabachi occasionally gets under and flips them, each one occasionally getting an advantage against the other.

Aggression: 8-7 Powerdrive
Damage: 9-6 Powerdrive
Control: 10-5 Taisabachi

Taisabachi wins 23-22

Rampage vs. Compound Fracture

Look what we have here, the mighty HFL and his... enhanced wedge vs TDG and his actual fucking Battlebot. That's right, someone took an actual robot and put it in a crappy ARC tournament. Any-who, we have a match to run. The box is locked, the lights are on, it's robot fighting time! Almost immediately do we see HFL go full send across the box, trying to pull the angles on Rampage. Dan, however, backs off and angles in between the wedgelets, giving him a free shot on Compound Fracture, which seems to mainly just pop CF into the air. Lucky for HFL, the small hit seems to have given distance between the two. TDG goes in to try and chain hits, but HFL backs off and positions his front to be square to Rampage. Guess what happens now? Woahhhh, the wedgelets get under the wedge. Compound Fracture pushes Rampage into the wall with relative ease, using a combination of the lifter and the wall to point the front of Rampage towards the sky, aaand it's upside down. TDG gets a moment of breath to try and self-right by slamming the wall, but he's unsuccessful as Compound Fracture goes back to smothering Rampage, taking it to the killsaws, which slices straight through the back left tire, causing foam to go everywhere (And the janitors to all sigh in disapproval). With 3 wheels left, TDG keeps attempting to ram into Compound Fracture just to cause some damage and to self-right for the next 30 seconds, but it starts to move in circles - which from what I know about basic geometry, is certainly not good. HFL now with the match to lose, takes Rampage over to the pulverizers, pinning it in place by making it do "the thing" on top of where the pulverizer rests. As Rampage gets counted out, TDG jokingly yells "rigged"

Winner: Compound Fracture by KO (1:27)

Omicron32 vs. Xtreme PneumatiX

Hello hi yes I am a sentient knife coming to you live from the commentator's booth.

This is a lot of two bots going head to head, both confident that their bot has the better wedge. To start with, omicron wins out. Looks like he got a slight angle on pneumatix's forks that let him get under the main body. Ethan does his best to escape, but unfortunately for him he's just shoved unceremoniously into a wall, where they stay for a good 10 seconds. Eventually ethan's able to start to wiggle free. He does get away eventually, but not before getting herded into a killsaw.

Back in neutral, the two bots go at it again, and this time Xtreme Pneumatix gets under, and tosses omicron up and over. What follows is a good 30 seconds of ethan trying to follow up on this advantage - but omicron is always just a little bit too slippery to end up anywhere too bad. Pneumatix gets in 2 more flips that knock the lifter up, but don't get him much space.

Eventually frog is able to get the lifter facing the right way before pneumatix comes back at him. Not that it does much good, and pneumatix slides right under and gets a gorgeous running flip into the wall. He's able to keep omicron penned in for another 10 seconds or so.

But then Omicron catches him by surprise. Again I think it ended up at a slight angle to Pneumatix. Frog's able to shove the flipper around a bit, but he's never able to really get the bot onto omicron's dustpan, and eventually Ethan is able to take a turn that frog doesn't anticipate, and wrest his bot free.

And he's right back on the offensive. This time he's able to get in 3 very impressive flips, and he's herded omicron into a hammer zone. It's not doing a whole lot, but we did edit in some funny cartoon noises for the home audiences to enjoy. Omicron attempts two counter-attacks to try and escape the corner, but neither succeeds, and he ends up pinned for quite a while in that corner.

The last 30 seconds of the fight are pretty inconclusive. Pneumatix whiffs a flip at one point, but everything else is pretty uneventful - though pneumatix does get off one more proper flip right as the buzzer hits.

Aggression: 3-2 Pneumatix
Damage: 3-2 Pneumatix
Control: 3-2 Omicron

Final decision is 8-7 in favor of Xtreme Pneumatix



Hartmann's Youkai Bot III vs. Boreas

Wow. I think this is my first result written for ARC in over... three years? Four? Since whatever the last result I wrote for Cherry Bomb Classic 3 was, anyway. Wow, time sure flies. Anyhoo, let's not stand upon ceremony here. We have a match to go over between two heavy-hitting superheavyweight spinners! The box is locked, the lights are on, and just like in the good ol' Comedy Central days, it's robot fightin' time!

Hartmann's Youkai Bot and Boreas begin the match like the big spinning mofos they are. How? By spinning up their weapons. Granted, it takes less time for Boreas to get up to full speed, but it's not like it's going to close the gap before Hartmann's Youkai Bot also achieves maximum... overdrive? Good god, I've already started with the nonsensical references. Anyway, Boreas decides it would be imperative to keep the plow underneath the drum facing Hartmann's Youkai Bot. It also decides ramming that plow directly into Hartmann's Youkai Bot's spinning death trap would also be a good use of its time. And that's exactly what it does. Before Hartmann's Youkai Bot can safely commandeer the center of the arena, Boreas trundles past the midpoint and we get our first shot of the match in a decent collision that sees both bots get knocked askew. Let's review the footage. Looks like Boreas did indeed take that one on the chin. Said chin isn't looking so hot with a sizable dent in it, but it's still holding up reasonably well. Hartmann's Youkai Bot also took it on the chin. Twice. First from a wedge, and then from a spinning drum. The drum caused barely any damage, mind you, but it did send Hartmann's Youkai Bot veering off towards the arena wall, though not quite making it. Boreas is spun around a bit by the hit so it has to get the drum facing again. Not that Hartmann's Youkai Bot isn't facing the same dilemma, and it looks like Boreas is going to recover first. The problem with that is Hartmann's Youkai Bot is already spinning back up just as Boreas puts the forward gears in motion again. It doesn't quite make it before Hartmann's Youkai Bot is back at full speed and it takes it on the chin again, while also uppercutting Hartmann's Youkai Bot directly into the wall this time. The plow wedge definitely has a slight break in it now, but it is absolutely still functional as a wedge, as Boreas proves by driving into Hartmann's Youkai Bot before it can go anywhere and mulches it against the wall, the wedge digging under Hartmann's Youkai Bot's giant 2-toothed blade.

HFL looks pleased as the drum of Boreas begins spinning up again, but it's not going to so easy to aim at the targets he wanted, namely the tires, as Hartmann's Youkai Bot is front-on to his bot right now. He tries to turn Boreas awkwardly, so as to try and nudge Hartmann's Youkai Bot aside, but the distance between the spinning drum and the disc of his opponent was closer than he thought and Boreas just ends up knocking Hartmann's Youkai Bot up against the wall again. This inadventantly means Hartmann's Youkai Bot falls directly on top of Boreas before the drum can spin back up again, and this leaves HFL with a predicament. Boreas isn't exactly a top-ranker in the pushing department, and it can't spin the drum up with its opponent on top of it. Not to worry, though; Tri takes matters out of HFL's hands by having one of Hartmann's Youkai Bot's wheels, catching the back end of Boreas, spin and drive itself off of Boreas in a sort of funky cartwheel. It drives off in reverse, determined to keep its front pointed at its fellow spinner as Boreas turns and tries to chase it down, spinning all the way back up. Luckily for Tri, Hartmann's Youkai Bot gets to its maximum speed JUST before Boreas catches it, and now part of the plow on Boreas is just completely gone. However, it does have the effect of knocking Hartmann's Youkai Bot across the arena, since Boreas managed to punt it with its drum again. With that, Hartmann's Youkai Bot is beginning to spin back up, picking up where it left off. Unfortunately for it, it's now running out of key places to hit on Boreas, as HFL just unceremoniously plows his bot into the spinning Tri-bot again and, while now losing the plow in earnest due to a lucky edge hit from Hartmann's Youkai Bot, once more throws Tri's bot into the wall where it can't spin up properly. Desperately trying to find something to hit on Hartmann's Youkai Bot that isn't disc, Boreas pops the big bot into the air while trying to get underneath and nibble at the wheels, but the matches closes before he can do anything of worth.

Aggression: 10-5 Boreas
Damage: 11-4 Hartmann's Youkai Bot III
Strategy: 9-6 Boreas

Boreas wins by a 23-22 split judges' decision.

Not So Huge vs. Anyone's Guess

The fight begins with both bots rushing forwards, Not So Huge with the spinner at full tilt while Anyone's Guess is approaching in reverse (egg side forwards). After a few seconds the egg is deployed, what does the egg do exactly is anyone's guess (ha!)
(half the audience laughs at the joke while the other half just sighs)
So anyways it is clear almost immediately clear that the plan is to tank at least a hit with the with the egg as that's exactly how it goes at first. The result is just that the egg gets launched to the other side of the arena with not much effect, it does at least slow down the weapon in Not So Huge a bit and lets Anyone's Guess get under and push it with the weapon NOT making Not So Huge bouncing off. drew does manage to get it under the hammer hazard and it does seem to do at least something to Not So Huge.
After the first encounter things do get a bit worse for Anyone's Guess as it can't afford to play fetch with the egg so it is forced to engage the spinner at full power which leads to it often bouncing off instead of just scraping it and letting drew control the fight.
As the fight keeps going Anyone's Guess's chasis keeps taking more damage and it can be seen on the chasis, particularly the top plate, though Not So Huge seems to be unable to get a good hit on the flat profile of Anyone's Guess. On the other team the wheels on Not So Huge are starting to get multiple cuts from the killsaws and a few dents from the hammers but also seems to be holding up fine.
After quite a while of this and the ocasional egg moment, Not So Huge lands a good hit, one of the shuffling bank things explodes and the top panel in Anyone's Guess gets bent up significantly and some inny bits are visible. That side still has 2 of those shuffler things and they do still work so not a really big deal.
Time is running out and the lifter isn't seen much action, it may be broken but its probably just not being used to not get it shredded. Not So Huge keeps getting wobblier and wobblier, the egg is slightly cracked but its still in one piece, the question marks on top of Anyone's Guess are almost completely deleted by now.
At the end pat manages to hit the exposed edge of the bent top panel and tears it off clean, clean as in nothing else gets torn off with it, bummer.

Aggression: 8-7 Anyone’s Guess
Damage: 10-5 Not So Huge
Strategy: 9-6 Anyone’s Guess

Not So Huge wins by a 23-22 split judges' decision.

Deep Dish Destruction vs. Power Bar

Deep Dish Destruction vs. Power Bar

Well there’s really only so much that can be said about fights like this. It’s more or less the diametric opposite of a fight like Ayame vs Venice Queen to where in a fight like that it’s a lot of complicated variables and strategies that make it complicated. This fight is just these two seeing who can murder the other more efficiently. DDD does his wonky starting strategy, but it doesn’t really affect things in any meaningful fashion. What’s important is that we get some really awesome weapon on weapon clashes that send both bots bouncing erratically around the arena. After several of these collisions, bot weapon systems are basically dead and they’re limited to attempting to sluggishly shove each other around. Obviously this part of the fight is nowhere near as exciting as the first part, but them’s the breaks.

Aggression: 8-7 Power Bar
Damage: 8-7 Deep Dish Destruction
Strategy: 8-7 Deep Dish Destruction

Deep Dish Destruction wins 23-22

Chieftain vs. Pathos

We’ve got two very powerful six-wheel-drive lifter bots with two different approaches to weapon design: Pathos has a pair of long lifting forks that can work in either front-hinged or rear-hinged mode, and Chieftain’s got a full lifting plow with some outrigger forks that can slide out.

And both are on each other pretty quickly. Chieftain tries to get around the lifter of Pathos, but does get scooped up by the forks and ramps up its wedgelets, ending up half on top of it. Pathos tries to take it to the pulverizer but Chieftain works itself free with the help of that fast, heavy plow. Neither bot wastes any time getting stuck until each other like, well… the British and the French. And this may well be a hundred years war, or at least a three minute one, because again Chieftain gets out-forked by the French cutlery, but Pathos can’t lift up fast enough to keep Chieftain on the wedge.

There’s another couple ramp-jumpings before Chieftain gets around the forks and actually gets under the wedgelets. And now, Chieftain’s little anti-monstertrucking prongs and Pathos’s limited ground clearance come into play, because it gets taken for a high-speed ride straight into the arena wall, and lifted as it does so. That’s a mighty slam, and Pathos goes over on its side, but does come down upright. Pathos gets under again and this time Chieftain doesn’t have space to escape before being mashed against the wall, but it does get free.

After a bit more of this Chieftain finally gets Pathos flipped. Pathos is invertable, and drives off to get some space, then starts trying to self-right with the forks… and Chieftain is not nice enough to wait around while its opponent high-centers itself for like five seconds, so Pathos is immediately taken into the pointy pulverizer, and takes a severe pounding in the corner while trying to climb free of Chieftain’s wedge, but Chieftain keeps scooping it up and disrupting it until the pin limit runs out, at which point Pathos decides that it’s better off fighting with slightly less effective wedges than trying to self-right with a slow lifter.

Now’s a good time to point out that I think Monster Jam’s on Channel 7 right now, and is pretty much the same thing: one machine ramping over the top of another. Pathos is getting under Chieftain a lot, but it’s having trouble capitalizing on it. It finally gets its forks hooked into something in Chieftain’s underside, and finally gets in a lift, then a violent wall-slam! Chieftain goes ass-over-teakettle. It gets back up before Pathos can come after it, but gets rammed before it can get the plow back over, and goes under a pulverizer! Chieftain raises its plow to block the shaft of the hammer, but Pathos has gotten into front-hinged mode and is trying to tip it over. But Chieftain gets traction and makes it off the wedge, and after a bit of harrying gets the plow down. This is some great action here! There’s some more ramping and shoving, but right before the bell Chieftain gets Pathos into a blunt pulverizer. It only gets one hit before time runs out, but the pointy hammer has put some dents in its baseplate earlier, and in a match like this that could be crucial.

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Pathos 6, Chieftain 9
Aggression: Pathos 8, Chieftain 7
Control: Pathos 7, Chieftain 8

Your winner, by a 24-21 Judges’ Decision and a very hard-fought battle, is Chieftain!

Big Boy Flaily vs. Multicrap

Boy Flaily gets its retracted flails spun up. Multicrap closes it's clamps and spins up its disk as well and begins driving at an angle towards the front of BF. The flails begin to open outwards, and we see contact! Two big shots on the spinner support! The spinner is now struggling slightly to spin u. Boy Flaily also goes upward a bit from this hit, allowing Multicrap to get underneath with the lifter. However, it's not quite steep enough to keep BF from moving too much and a mixture of it's driving and it's flails retracting break it free from Multicrap, who just misses the lift. BF spins back up and tries again to hit the juicy bits on Multicrap. This time Multicrap is able to get under and begins lifting once more, but it still takes another shot from the flails in the process. BF is just at the right height to hit that spinner on Multicrap. However, this time BF nearly goes over, as it's flail bits the ground and sends it spinning, bouncing off a corner. It attempts to regroup and get it's flails back up to speed but Multicrap is drawing near. Two more close lifts that end up as strong hits on BF, both of them causing BF to go flying but the Boy just won't sit still! Eventually the buzzer sounds after some hot robot action.

Aggression: 10-5 Multicrap
Damage: 13-2 Boy Flaily
Control: 10-5 Multicrap

Big Boy Flaily wins 23-22
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That Kode Guy
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Re: Ruination: The Tempest - Results

Post by That Kode Guy » Wed Sep 14, 2022 5:23 pm




I Can't Believe It's Not Tanto vs. Venice Queen

Wedge Fight? Wedge Fi – oh never mind, holy shit! These robots are fast! Venice Queen goes screaming across the arena, and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Tanto looks like it may have been having second thoughts or been trying to go for a matador, but it’s not quick enough and Venice Queen slams into it, getting under and sending both bots reeling! Not Tanto’s quicker to recover and darts away, Venice Queen charges it again and – ooh, well that’s awkward. Tanto’s gotten one fork under VQ’s flipper but the other one’s ridden up the chassis scoop. Venice Queen’s getting forced back, fires the flipper and zips backward over the killsaws, but they’re too sluggish to catch her.

There’s a lot of zooming around and jockeying for position. VQ ramps up Tanto’s wedge and hits the stopper at an angle, but bounces away and Tanto can’t capitalize on it. Venice Queen scoops Tanto up and thrusts it away, not flipping it but spinning it to the side, and gets side on, but with the flipper still raised it can’t do much. And in a dramatic reversal Tanto spins to the side and slips under Venice Queen’s corner. Venice Queen flips to try to free itself, but the long forks scoop under and Tanto shoves it across the box and into the wall. The pulverizer’s close, can Ethan get Sio under the hammer? Nope, Venice Queen finally gets traction on something and shoots off to the side… and there’s another very aggressive but not very strategic charge that beaches it. It gets away, but only after Tanto decides to take both bots over the killsaws. There’s aluminum shavings on the floor, not sure who that’s off of.
Anyway, Venice Queen is showing that discretion is the less entertaining part of valor, and using Tanto like a skate park. It’s not accomplishing much, but Tanto can’t take control of the match because Venice Queen keeps just pinballing off it. I think the springiness of the shock-mounted scoops might actually be helpful here. But it eventually lands in a bad position and gets wedged from the side, and VQ’s wheels are treading thin air between Tanto’s forks. Tanto carefully pushes it under the pulverizer… and the hammer comes down once, twice, and almost a third time.

However, Venice Queen finally gets the flipper underneath Tanto and thrusts it onto its back close to the wall. And this time Tanto doesn’t have anywhere to run to make space, and VQ gets under the side of a fork, spins it around, and flips it again. Tanto’s pinned up against the wall and stuck on its side, having trouble getting out from under there. It’s down, and wedges VQ, but this time no harm done as VQ backs off too quickly, and gets another flip in.

The momentum of the fight seems to have shifted here. Tanto is having trouble keeping up with the relentless aggression of Venice Queen. They lock horns again, and really lock horns this time, because the wedges have gotten stuck together, with one of VQ’s pontoons underneath but not the other. Both bots’ tires squeal, Tanto’s actually smoking as it forces Venice Queen back over the saws. Venice Queen takes a shot, but that separates the bots.

Venice Queen gets another flip in, but as it rushes Tanto and tries to push it, the back right tire starts to come apart. The tread’s flopping around, and jams its drivetrain for a crucial second, letting Tanto wedge it again. It’s having trouble freeing itself with the tire damage, and gets pinned against the wall. The tire completely separates from the rim, but it’s affecting VQ’s balance enough to let Tanto slip under the scoops as it accelerates. There’s not much time left to capitalize on this. VQ flips itself free, and gets one last wild pinball charge in before the buzzer.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Venice Queen 6, I Can’t Believe it’s Not Tanto 9
Aggression: Venice Queen 10, I Can’t Believe it’s Not Tanto 5
Control: Venice Queen 5, I Can’t Believe it’s Not Tanto 10

And we have a 24-21 score, but it is actually a split decision, with some disagreement on how control and aggression are scored. Your winner is… I can’t believe this, it’s… Not Tanto!

Flipkick vs. Pink Wedge

Flipkick doesn’t have to worry about flanking maneuvers because we get a straight up box rush from Pink Wedge. Well PARTIALLY pink wedge I suppose. I suppose Pat only had so many pink Lego pieces available. To be fair I’d imagine you’d have to raid Disney princess sets for those or something and who knows if you’d even get the type of pieces you want anyway. Lego can be an expensive enough hobby without buying whole sets just to try and get a handful of pieces you actually want. What was I saying again? Oh yeah, box rush. So it turns out that may not have been the best use of PW’s talents as Flipkick is able to have its weapon reach right over the tough armored wedge and give a heck of a shot to the top of PW. It’s almost like Flipkick was riding Pink Wedge as a skateboard for a moment and then did a Kickflip. Following this, PW starts getting much more cautious, but seems determined to keep up a frontal assault. No guts, no glory I suppose. So it takes a decent while longer for another big shot like that first one to happen again, but all the major action is happening in the favor of Flipkick. A couple big shots have taken their toll on PW and it’s just not able to tough out the whole time limit of the fight as it’s eventually put down for the count.

Flipkick wins by KO in 2:01

Scrapper vs. 25 or 6 to 4

The fight begins with 25 or 6 to 4 rushing forwards at full speed for a box rush buy Scrapper gyroes its way out of it as they saw it coming from a mile away, ngl kind of an impressive maneuver.
So anyways 25 or 6 to 4's plan seems to just be run at Scrappers weapon and throw the thing around no stop because that's exactly what it's doing and you know what it seems to be working. You would imagine that going weapon to weapon against an opponent who clearly has a way bigger weapon is a bad idea but Scrapper is clearly being the one going airborne more often, still when 25 or 6 to 4 does fly it goes much further away and bounces multiple times against floors and walls so it's hard to say if 25 or 6 to 4 is actually wining so far.
At one point either to shake things up or because it was easier in the moment Scrapper faces 25 or 6 to 4 with it's rear wedge and honestly it doesn't really do much. Even if it got under at first there was nothing stopping 25 or 6 to 4 from backing off, trying again, getting under and getting a good hit for free. All it got from it is a small dent in Scrapper's otherwise pristine looking chasis.
Back to the more exciting weapon-to-weapon bot-flingiing action, at some point 25 or 6 to 4 tries to angle in on the tiny forks besides the massive drum and all Drew gets from his effort is one of his wedgelets torn clean off.
Then they go back to usual until someone remembers that there is a timer around and yeah time's up.
While both bots are fully functional (did not expect this outcome from the start), 25 or 6 to 4 looks clearly in worse shape, it reminds me of those jeans that are worn and ripped from the factory, fully functional and they do kinda look good but you can tell the difference between them and the classic ones that come intact, you know?

Judges' decision

Aggression: 10-5 25 or 6 to 4
Damage: 12-3 Scrapper
Strategy: 9-6 25 or 6 to 4

Scrapper wins by a 23-22 judges' decision.

Ayame vs. Failure Duplicator

I see bolded Alex V text and the obvious Pavlovian response for me is to immediately take the piss out of it. :V So when Ayame is under something, it immediately fires the flipper. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) what it was under was the stagelights. I guess it was a misfire while Alex was bringing his bot into the arena. So the match is delayed for about half an hour while Alex checks his bot to make sure nothing went wrong with it. Maxi isn't exactly amused at the delay, but decides to buff Failure Duplicator's shiny chassis while waiting. Oooooooh... shiny...

Okay, robot fighting time. Ayame has a full set of flips ready to go and Failure Duplicator looks so shiny it's managing to blind some of the spectators due to the sheen. Nice. Don't worry, we've got sunglasses for youse. Anyway, the match begins and Ayame is right out of the gate trying to get around Failure Duplicator, who's just sitting there. Menacingly. Okay, so being kinda up against the wall means Failure Duplicator is managing to stave off Ayame's side hunting a little bit, but Alex is a persistent berk if nothing else. Ayame keeps going around and trying to swing over to Failure Duplicator's other side, and then the side opposite, but Failure Duplicator is just barely able to keep its ass covered. However, it hasn't moved forward at all, and the refs tell Maxi to actually show some forward movement or they'll start counting out Failure Duplicator. Coincidentally, this happens just as Ayame is about to actually outflank Failure Duplicator for the first time. Instead of driving forward, however, Maxi actually drives Failure Duplicator backwards into the wall, with the tri-bar connecting with solid wall and pinging Failure Duplicator far across the arena, kind of doing the funky chicken dance along the way due to the eggbeater still going. Ayame is politely confused by this sort of rumpus and merely plows a path straight over to the dual spinner, who's trying to spin the bar back up. Unfortunately Maxi doesn't have a wall covering Failure Duplicator to fall back upon, so has to rely on the hazards to try and stop Ayame's flanking. Not happening here. Ayame successfully does so, only for Maxi to drive Failure Duplicator backwards and Ayame's superb speed kind of proves to be a deficit for it here as it nearly drives straight into the eggbeater when this happens. Failure Duplicator can't really get a good hit like this however and only manages a small glancing blow before Ayame backs out of trouble. There is a very small and superficial tear on the flipper, nothing more.

We're already past half of the match now thanks to Failure Duplicator staying in its square like a lug for about a minute and then pinging itself away. Wonderful. Ayame tries to flank again and this time manages to sneak underneath Failure Duplicator's side. Of course, there's nothing keeping Failure Duplicator on the flipper and Alex isn't really sure if he's solidly underneath, giving Maxi enough time to angle Failure Duplicator enough so the tri-bar hits the ground again. PING. Failure Duplicator goes ricocheting across the arena again, nearly beheading one of the arena hammers as it careens off the corner and comes to rest near one of the arena saws. It doesn't look remotely shiny anymore and those wearing their sunglasses now have a reprieve as they can take them off and view the match properly. Neato. In comes Ayame again but it seems Failure Duplicator really likes those killsaws because it is making double damn sure to keep its rear to the saws, though not too much. Maxi clearly doesn't want to pay the Ruination staff for killsaw damage. Wait. *checks writing staff list* Maxi's part of the staff already. I guess I didn't see this coming. Well nobody has to worry about any of that nonsense because Ayame actually manage to outflank Failure Duplicator for the second time tonight, getting under and... nope. The tri-bar connected with the floor again, and Failure Duplicator is catapulted around the Battlegrounds once more. What is this, 3D Space Cadet Pinball? However, all that stress on the bar is causing it to spin up for a longer period of time. Despite this, Alex doesn't break away from his flanking tactics and just manages to get underneath for a third time before the buzzer goes off. That was... actually really boring, suffice to say. Oh. Ayame's flipper fired, popping Failure Duplicator. Good thing it was spun down. Alex gets a stern talking to as Maxi goes in and starts buffing Failure Duplicator again.

Aggression: 11-4 Ayame
Damage: 9-6 Failure Duplicator
Strategy: 8-7 Failure Duplicator

Ayame wins by a 24-21 judges' decision.

Burning Blue vs. Whipscorpion

Whipscorpion starts spinning up. Burning blue turns on the afterburners and smashes into WS. WS goes flying and is trying to find more room to spin up. While it's not able to reach full speed, it is able to take some shots on the front of Burning Blue. Burning blue tanks the first few and then drives up underneath it. It tries to pin it to the wall, but WS fires the bar to free itself. Sending it catapulting away. Despite taking a couple flips, another two unsuccessful on BB's part due to WS spinning, WS is finally able to get up to a decent speed. It manages to take a couple shots on the corners of BB. It's not doing a lot of damage, but it is noticable. The rest of the fight is a matter of both bots not able to do that much to each other, due to BB's tough shell and WS's constant spinning. There's the occasional corner shot and the occasional upwards pop from the flipper, but it's mostly an evenly matched fight

Aggression: 9-6 Burning Blue
Damage: 11-4 Whipscorpion
Control: 9-6 Burning Blue

Whipscorpion wins 23-22!



The Act of Being Polite vs. Apeirogon

I still can't spell Apierogon correctly. Or maybe I am and autocorrect is just flagging it red anyway. The match starts and Ethan does all sorts of fancy juking maneuevers. Meanwhile maxi's bot just slowly approaches him. You can tell she knows how powerful she is.

Eventually she decides that they are at the appropriate distance for guns, and unloads at TABP - the first salvo of 3 shots miss, as ethan continues to juke side-to-side, presenting a very minimal target. The next salvo is 2 shots, fired right as ethan turns TABP to continue his serpentine advance. The first one goes wide, but the second one sure hits something with a massive TING. TABP starts wobbling and wibbling and bouncing and he's definitely lost a tooth. Ethan is forced to power the weapon down a bit, and continues his advance. Why isn't Apierogon firing?

Oh. oh. Of all places… that's one of TABP's weapon teeth. It's lodged in the top of the magazine of Apierogon. The force of the impact caused the entire weapon assembly to tilt back, facing upwards, facing towards the crowd… It looks like the judges are actually stopping the match for a moment, and going to have a talk with maxi.

Ok they finished talking with her, and then came over to me to clarify. With the weapon assembly facing directly towards the plexiglass, there's a very real chance that a projectile could breach the arena and actually kill a spectator. Or worse! It could kill me! So they've required maxi to shut off the weapon, and now the match can continue.

Now, all things considered, that's a pretty clear death sentence for Apierogon. TABP's weapon is making some awful grinding noises as it gets up to speed, and I think something's caught on fire in there. It's also nowhere near full speed so that Ethan can still drive. But, Apierogon is made of actual paper, and it gets cornered before TABP completely explodes.

Winner: The Act of Being Polite, KO, 0:55

No Tomorrow vs. Bite Me

1-Hit Wonder?! Dang it Pat, why'd you have to remind me about that bot? Do you realize all the crap Mark tried to do to get it classified as a walker? First, he claimed hydraulic actuators could push it despite the fact it wasn't even in his stats. Then he claimed there were 32 of them powered by an internal combustion engine. THEN he claimed that designs don't have to be realistic. And don't even get me started with the dumb tentacle mechanism.

Whoops. I was reminiscing so hard that I wasn't paying attention to the match. Well, looks like No Tomorrow is still in one piece. And Bite Me is in... well, a lot more than 32 pieces.

No Tomorrow wins by a knockout in 0:35.


Brilliant, I almost missed that there were 2 separate RP threads and was about to mark this is a FF. So bot bots make their ponderous progress towards the center of the arena. The closer together they get, the more Skoll starts veering off looking to flank around MP. As in many spinner vs spinner matches, this strategy is easier said than done. Not having much in the way of speed itself, Skoll finds it challenging to outpace MP’s defensive posturing. It’s soon evident that getting around to the main body of MP is off the table without some kind of outside help, so Skoll shifts attention to targeting the leg support under MP’s weapon. This still requires a decent amount of careful precision on Skoll’s part so it’s still a little while before our first big impact of the match. BAM! What a shot! It seems Skoll was mostly on target as a chunk of that support leg is gone, but it seems as though MP got a small piece of Skoll as revenge. A couple more similar collisions seem to cause enough damage to knock out the support entirely and that’s going to do it for MP.

Skoll wins by KO in 1:58

TD vs. Containment Breach

So we have some goofy ahh drum spinner, vs a generic ass wedge. The box is locked, the lights are on, it's... robot fighting time... I guess. Oh my, TD can't escape the starting square, it doesnt look like it's even moving as TDG rams his wedge into the side of the dazed machine. Did he even turn on the robot? That is for sure an embarrassing moment if he did. Anywho, it seems like our beloved TD has not in-fact moved an inch. I think poor ole Toxic forgot to press the on switch. He facepalms as the referee begins the ten count. Can we get an F in the chat or something?

Winner: Containment Breach, KO 0:39

(forfeit by TD)

Black Hazard vs. Disposal Unit

Two verts, two middleweights, one winner. Let's get it on!

Okay so Tri is pretty wary of going head-on so he tries to aim for the flat supports on Disposal Unit. Jack's bot however has a wider weapon and, while not as impressive in drivetrain as his opponent, is able to keep it pointed at them for quite a while. Unfortunately this means that he isn't really able to get at Black Hazard's supports either, and so the bots collide weapon-to-weapon. A lot. Due to the shape of the weapons they aren't able to catch that much bite on the other and we don't really get a flipped bot for a while. However, Black Hazard's more powerful weapon means it eventually gets to knock Disposal Unit over JUST enough to invert him. It's not exactly a game-changer though, as Disposal Unit simply drives off before Black Hazard can catch him, spins the weapon up, and comes at the other spinner again. Remember when I said Jack was able to keep the drum pointed at Black Hazard for a while? Yeah, Tri is tenacious enough where he finally manages to get a solid hit on the support, bending it and ripping off one of the top feet. However, the drum is still spinning and Jack retaliates by smashing the drum into Black Hazard's own weapon axle. This proves more devastating as the entire thing is nearly torn straight out right then and there, and Black Hazard's vert slowly grinds to a halt. Uh oh. That's not good. Without an active weapon, it becomes a foregone conclusion as Disposal Unit rips and flips Black Hazard some until Tri's middleweight is a steaming wreck in the middle of the floor. By this time Disposal Unit's own spinner is pretty much done for, but he's earned his bread.

Disposal Unit wins by a knockout in 2:32.



Xtreme PneumatiX vs. Chimera

It's 4 bar vs rear hinged! American style vs British style! Wedge vs forks! Lights, camera, bombs action!
Aggressive start from both out of the gate. Xtreme suddenly slows, eyeing it's opponent. Sio screams "gas gas gas!" And shoves Chimera into the corner of one of the Xtreme forks, driving forward and flipping it onwards and upwards. Xtreme goes over and before Chimera can capitalize, the flag snaps off and Xtreme starts driving away upside down. Chimera chases after it. Xtreme gets itself up and over and is now turning to face Chimera once more. This time Xtreme charges in and aims for the front, getting a fork under. Chimera tries to use the body wedges to get a better advantage, but Xtreme is still able to get under and flip it. A quick self right from Chimera continues the fight, but Xtreme is able to get another flip in, sending Chimera close to the wall. Xtreme chases down Chimera, who is able to right itself and go in for another angle in. Another big flip. Another missed flip from Xtreme turns into a lift instead, allowing for it to send it into the killsaws for some sweet sawblade action. Chimera is able to right itself once more and get the hell outta there as it looks for another place to get underneath. The rest of the match is an all out brawl with Xtreme getting more flips in, but Chimera getting far more distance with it's flips, even once sending it careening into the wall.

Aggression: 10-5 Chimera
Damage: 10-5 Xtreme Pneumatix
Control: 9-6 Xtreme Pneumatix

Xtreme Pneumatix wins 24-21

Compound Fracture vs. Fork The Wind

OK I'm gonna be totally honest and say that after all these years (and after Pat entering this thing in probably a double-digit number of tournaments), I still can't figure out what "fork the wind" means. Is it a euphemism? Like, "fuck the wind" or something? What do you have against natural weather processes my guy? I would really unironically appreciate knowing this.

Regardless- Compound Fracture makes it's way over toward a turtling FTW and pretty effortlessly slides maybe-wedgelets-maybe-not. Pat didn't declare, but given wedge pressure and upward force, I'm fairly confident in thinking CF gets under both. Lift, shove, flop. That pretty much describes the rest of the match because Fork The Wind is apparently dead-set on the whole "bro let him come to me bro" thing. The few times FTW does manage to get under, it just slaps CF on the face once for 0 damage. It basically looks like this:

Annoying. Harmless. The former in particular isn't great in a robot "COMBAT" tournament! Let's put this match out of it's misery before it starts looking like I have some wierd grudge against Pat :V


Compound Fracture wins by JD (11-4)

Powerdrive vs. Rampage

The match starts and rampage comes out with a box rush. It misses powerdrive a bit to the left, and now rampage is to the side of its opponent. TDG's now trying to turn into the side of powerdrive - and oh! Powerdrive's gyroing, and having a bit of trouble getting wheels on the ground to turn. Rampage delivers a huuuge hit, crumpling the left wheelguard of powerdrive and sending the bot flying across the arena onto its back. TBR's able to right his bot just in time for rampage to come flying in again. Powerdrive rides up its opponent's wedge again, and one of its forks is ejected across the arena. Rampage continues to grind its weapon into the left wheelguard of powerdrive as it settles in for a bit of a pin.

Eventually powerdrive is able to wiggle free - but it is definitely limping on that front left side. TDG goes for another rush to the side of powerdrive, but TBR is more than ready this time. He has powerdrive facing to the right as rampage comes in, and TDG's bot gets bapped away by the spinner of powerdrive. TBR looks to be turning things back into his favor now, as he's pursuing Rampage, who's running out of options. TDG finally decides to stand and fight - and rampage takes a big ol hit on the front wedge - landing upside down right on that spinner and rocketing across the arena. Powerdrive turns to pursue, but its damaged wheel siezes up completely for a few seconds, and rampage is able to get back in control before its opponent closes.

But, powerdrive again gets under, and again pops rampage up and over. This time the bot does a full 360 - and then powerdrive gets under again and hits rampage straight into the wall! Right in front of TDG! That's some BM, man. Rampage falls down on top of powerdrive. That bot is precariously close to the spinner… powerdrive wiggles about for a bit, trying to get rampage to fall down onto its drum. Eventually, rampage's ass wiggles on down there, and gets absolutely annihilated by Powerdrive's big, hard… drum spinner.

Rampage's rear panel is completely gone, and its guts are showing, but on the bright side that hit finally got it free of powerdrive. TDG's able to claim the center of the arena and get his weapon spinning fully. Powerdrive is quick to pursue - but then its left wheel seizes up again! Its right flank is fully exposed for a half second, and that's all the time TDG needs to land another massive hit on the side of powerdrive. The british drum ends up on its back, and quickly self rights.

But what's this? Rampage is completely still? Weapon powering down? Lights off?? Powerdrive is barely moving either, limping just on its back two wheels, srimech stuck open. Looks like TBR is going to hold his distance, and just let rampage be counted out. TDG is fiddling FURIOUSLY with his controller as the judge starts the countdown. 10…9…8…7…6 – oh! Rampage jerks into motion! The lights are back on! The spinner is getting back up to speed!

TBR does his best to quickly move powerdrive back into action, but it's barely moving at half its normal speed now. They do eventually meet in the center of the arena. TDG is able to maneuver rampage around the one remaining fork of powerdrive and deliver a catastrophic hit to the chassis of powerdrive. It flips through the air and ends up stranded on its side, counted out a few seconds later. Oh to be so close to victory, just for it to be snached away…

Winner: Rampage, KO, 2:06

Greenwar vs. Taisabachi

I’m way behind schedule this week so I apologize for keeping things brief. It’s a pretty back and forth match with Greenwar proving able to self-right at least well enough to keep from getting dominated. The first quarter or so belongs to Taisabachi as it manages to use its speed to outmaneuver Greenwar. Eventually some bad luck with the killsaws shift the momentum to Greenwar’s favor for awhile. Even with hazards mixed in against both bots, both are still running pretty well through the duration of the match. If I hadn’t been so lazy this week I’d spend more time detailing things, but suffice it to say there’s lots of flipping going on and enough hazard action to keep the fans happy with this one.

Aggression: 8-7 Taisabachi
Damage: 9-6 Taisabachi
Strategy: 8-7 Taisabachi

Taisabachi wins 25-20

2-face vs. Omicron32

Yeah i am not narrating 3 minutes of this shit.
The highlights are Omicron32 gets shoved into the killsaws twice and gets fling out by those, Omicron32 pins 2-Face in a corner where it gets hit by a hammer a few times but doesn't even scratch the paint and Omicron32 manages to flip 2-Face by lifting it against a wall once, which gives frog control of the match for like 15 seconds before turtle flips his bot back by literally using the head (ramming at full speed at a weird angle at the lion head thing)

Judges' decision

Aggression: 9-6 2-Face
Damage: 9-6 Omicron32
Strategy: 9-6 Omicron32

Omicron32 wins by a 24-21 judges' decision.



Multicrap vs. Not So Huge

Pat says keep hitting him till one of us dies. Well the long and short of this one is that neither actually ends up dying by the end of the match, but both are very worn down and pretty much on their last legs nonetheless. NSH is mostly able to keep from getting bullied under hazards, but never gets a chance to get a good hit on something vulnerable on Multicrap. Oh well, lots of hits are still exciting at least.

Aggression: 11-4 Multicrap
Damage: 8-7 Not So Huge
Strategy: 8-7 Not So Huge

Multicrap wins 25-20

Pathos vs. Hartmann's Youkai Bot III

Right so Tri wants to attack the wedgelets more easily. It's a pity Pathos isn't starting with the wedgelets today, then. Instead, he has to contend with a 13-armour plow. And uh... well I don't really know what to say. HYB can probably win if it gets by the plow. The problem is, it's not getting by the plow. Tri does his best, but the massive drivetrain advantage Bastien has means that he's able to keep that plow in HYB's face for the entire duration of the match. For his part, Tri actually does some admirable damage to it, but not nearly enough to counteract all the hazard trips Pathos gives him, and as the end of the match arrives, HYB wearily limps out of the hammer corner, grateful to have at least survived three minutes.

Aggression: 13-2 Pathos
Damage: 9-6 Pathos
Strategy: 11-4 Pathos

Pathos wins by a 33-12 judges' decision.

Power Bar vs. Chieftain

Power Bar spins up its weapon. Or tries to at any rate. But what’s this? It’s smacking into its own chassis! It’s right in the way and the bar has no room to actually move! What a comical and embarrassing design oversight! This is why RA2 isn’t a recommended CAD program for combat robotics, kids. Anyway, Chieftain scoops Power Bar up, delivers it to the wall, and immediately stacks it on its back, where it remains to this very day, and also starts smoking.

Your winner, by knockout in 0:35, is Chieftain!

(forfeit by Power Bar)

Anyone's Guess vs. Deep Dish Destruction

Hurray. Apparently there's a rule allowing an extra point for shufflers. Somehow I failed to see that point while READING THE PART WHERE THAT LINE IS. I guess my cold must be messing me up more than I thought. Sorry Drew.

Anyhoo, Anyone's Guess box-rushes the meaty spinner, taking care to dump the egg in the middle of the arena first. Eww. Tcrrr just stays put. Evidently they meant to spin up and then hit Drew's bot, but I guess that's not happening since Anyone's Guess got to the spinner before it spun up fully. A glancing blow to the wedge later, and scooping up of a spinner, and this goes almost completely The Drew (Carey) Show. Cleveland Rocks! Well, something's rocking all right, and it's Deep Dish Destruction's chassis going splat repeatedly against the wall when Anyone's Guess slams them into it. Due to being a shuffler, there are a few times where Anyone's Guess manages to lose Deep Dish Destruction and the spinner gets free, but then again the plucky rammer has perfect speed/traction so it's not like Deep Dish Destruction gets that far. They do get in approximately one or two hits that do a bit of damage to the wedge, but there's no stopping the Drew (Carey) Show marathon for long. We eventually get to the end of the match and Deep Dish Destruction looks like it's been thrown into a minefield. Or Ohio. I had to get in the last reference, you know.

Aggression: 13-2 Anyone's Guess
Damage: 11-4 Deep Dish Destruction
Strategy: 12-3 Anyone's Guess

Anyone's Guess wins by a 29-16 judges' decision.

Boreas vs. Big Boy Flaily

Man you do not know how much I want to do some thoughtless "boy flaily shoots a giant laser and kills boreas instantly lol!!!" just so the funny flail bot is guaranteed to win. But alas, a fair competition doesn't let me do that... let's look at this objectively.

Boreas has 12 weapon which inflicts 5 damage to Boy Flaily's chassis.
Boy Flaily has 14 weapon which inflicts 6 damage to Boreas' chassis.
Either way, this fight could potentially be decided with one hit (or like, 3ish hits in Boreas' case). But the question is, who's more likely to land it?

Most probably scenario here: both robots mutually agreee to spin up in their side of the arena, with BBF (Big Beautiful Fly) scooting away from the wall. They both walk toward one another, Boreas angles in aaaand... flails pop up, Boy Flaily wiggles a bit, Boreas kicks a few of Flaily's teeth in. Can't flip him though.

Boy Flaily sputters away and Boreas goes in once again, but both spinners are unabated. The flails stretch out...! DING. That's a 3-hit slap-combo to the weapon support of Boreas, the other side is still plugged in, but it's effectively declawed. A few more hits wipe it clean off, and then Big Boy Flaily spends the rest of the fight punching at air. Boreas strays veeeery close to getting counted out, but is able to kinda-sorta put something together with it's 2.5 remaining functional wheels. Kinda. Veeery liberal "kinda".


Big Boy Flaily wins by JD (9-6)
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That Kode Guy
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Re: Ruination: The Tempest - Results

Post by That Kode Guy » Wed Sep 28, 2022 11:48 pm




Pink Wedge vs. Scrapper

Well, this could have been a pretty decent match, given that Pink Wedge has a massive drivetrain advantage against its opponent that could have been used to great effect. But Pat is insistent that he drive straight at Scrapper. Which, given that Scrapper's feet are actually a bit more consistent at getting under things than Pink Wedge, doesn't bode well for Pat. Yes, Pink Wedge does get to Scrapper before the drum is fully spun up, but Scrapper actually gets under, and we get a gargantuan freakin hit that, propelled by Pink Wedge's own momentum, sends it flying into the air. It comes back down right-side-up thankfully, but by the time Pat is readjusted, Scrapper's drum is now at full speed. He decides to drive his bot in anyway. Big mistake. CRASH. Pink Wedge's... wedge gets nearly obliterated on the spot in a spray of shrapnel and miscellaneous parts and there is no way in hell that it even remotely resembles a wedge anymore. And after a few more hits from Scrapper, it no longer resembles a robot, either.

Scrapper wins by a knockout in 1:04.

Failure Duplicator vs. I Can't Believe It's Not Tanto

Both weapons rev up loudly as they ready to make sparks fly. I, of course, am referring to Failiure Duplicator's two weapons. Tanto has exactly none besides "big-ass doorstop". Regardless, FD is having it's eggbeater go downspin mode and prepares to TOTALLY downspin all over Tanto, only to be immediately rushed by the grey wedge. Impact hits the flat face of the wedge, boink. FD does a backflip-and-a-half while launching backward into the wall. Tanto chases and reengages, pins, backs off.

Yeah this pretty much goes on for 3 minutes lol. Nicks and holes gradually build up on Tanto, but these are ALL face hits. Maybe if the match were 5 minutes instead of 3 we'd see the wall finally give way, but the buzzer rings far before that can happen


I Can't Believe It's Not Tento! wins by JD (9-6)

25 or 6 to 4 vs. Ayame

Neither bot is showing any fear to start things off and Ayame’s better drive gives them the early advantage. The first flip Ayame tries doesn’t get 25 inverted, but it does throw them off balance fairly well and allows Ayame to pin 25 against the wall. Ayame gets a couple more flips in, bouncing 25 off the wall. 25 bonces far enough away to escape further trouble. He gets the weapon going again and does a better job fending off Ayame. A few smart shots from the weapon follow, knocking Ayame back towards the center of the arena. Ayame plays things a little bit closer and gets back on the offensive. Things more or less keep going back and forth on a variable time basis. By the end of the match Ayame is fairly scratched up, and 25 has a bunch of dents and scratches from hazard action.

Aggression: 9-6 Ayame
Damage: 10-5 25 or 6 to 4
Strategy: 8-7 Ayame

25 or 6 to 4 wins 23-22

Whipscorpion vs. Venice Queen

Sio's point about being able to catch up before Bastien can spin up is right on the money. Let's give Bastien the benefit of the doubt and say that his translational speed is the highest it can go (either 2 or 3). That is not nearly enough to escape Venice Queen's terrifying drivetrain onslaught. True, Whipscorpion actually does get up to speed but the first hit only puts a small dent in the ABR wedge, and from there Whipscorpion cannot get any sort of meaningful offense achieved for the rest of the match. Mind you, it doesn't completely go in Sio's favour either, because the puncher of Whipscorpion means that Bastien is able to evade most of the wall slams Venice Queen tries to do. His attempts to retreat with his faster drive speed however go completely tits up as, when this happens, well... let's just say 15 speed and 2 traction aren't a good combination at all. Who knows? Maybe translational bots have a modified traction value when they're actually using their drive to get away. It's not going to magically give him any sort of meaningful control when trying to escape, and he pretty much crashes into a wall or hazard any time this happens. So I guess he's finishing the jobs Venice Queen meant to do. Convenient. Match ends without either of the two bots having accomplished too much.

Aggression: 10-5 Venice Queen
Damage: 8-7 Venice Queen
Strategy: 10-5 Venice Queen

Venice Queen wins by a 28-17 judges' decision.

Burning Blue vs. Flipkick

Ok I'm sorry I do not have the spoons to make this fight bombastic. I don't think it would be easy to do even if I was feeling up to writing a banger. Because like. C'mon. How many ways can I narrate different versions of this.

Sometimes flipkick thwacks at burning blue and bounces away a bit. Sometimes burning blue gets a flipper shot in there and flipkick bounces about amusingly. One time flipkick gets punted directly into a wall and flops around all funny like. Overall it's a whole lot of floundering about.

Flipkick has done no realistic damage to burning blue. He's getting good sparks and ruining paintjobs, but burning blue is just a fucking tank. Unfortunately the tank is really designed to take low-profile fights. Sometimes it gets some decent contact on the body of flipkick, and that one time he got under flipkick at an angle and got a nice shot into the connection between the wheel and the chassis that got actual air. But like. Most of the time that he wins the neutral, TBR has to settle for pushing on a wheel. That's no easy task to accomplish, even with a robot with such precise control.

Aggression: 3-2 Burning Blue
Damage: 3-2 Burning Blue
Control: 3-2 Burning Blue

Final Judgment 9-6 in favor of Burning Blue



Bite Me vs. Skoll


I'm not sure what more to say for this fight because as Bite Me runs forward towards Skoll, Skoll has flipped itself around with it's weapon and is now going towards Bite Me.... backwards? Is it opposite day? Well in that case, Bite Me does get under Skoll in time, Skoll is unable to turn the body of Skoll and slam the disc into the side of Bite Me, and Bite Me takes this hit really, really well. It's absolutely not missing a side panel and does NOT have one of it's batteries smoking on the floor. The crewbots are very happy to see such a thing because they absolutely love cleaning up after bots and they are totally overpaid.

Bite Me Skoll wins by KO in 0:40

Containment Breach vs. The Act of Being Polite

No Ethan, your spinner isn't thin enough for it to fit under Containment breach's plow and snipe the wheels, your bar isn't a single sheet of graphene you dingus (not like you are going to completely get around those massive forks in the first place)

On paper this fight looks rough for Polite bot 1000 but with those forks in front of Containment Breach it could be interesting. It's hard to see from the audience but if you look close enough CB's front forks have an engraving on the sides in big bold letters that read "HIT ME SIDEWAYS WITH A BLUDGEONING DEVICE"
The fight starts unsurprisingly with the polite spin up and the uncontained box rush, then it devolves into your typical brick vs spinner dynamic with the constant pressure from CB to corner Active Politeness and not let it get the spinner at full speed. With those large all-corner forks in front Act of Being is always able to get a very good contact on every hit, meaning that this is actually a fun fight to watch with both bots getting thrown around often, not like it gives Polite Being zone act 3 time to spin up fully before eating fork again every time.
Over the course of the fight CB does drive The Being's average position closer to a corner so it does seem to really be in control if you look at it from a big picture kind of perspective. The Actness of polite does get thrown under a hammer twice near the end of the fight which so CB is doing some damage now. I wanted to make a joke about its fuselage getting squashed like a tube of toothpaste but honestly nah it just gets dented a bit.
Eventually the fight ends and both bots held up fine, both forks on Containment breach are a bit bent in the same direction as it looked like Ethan was trying to get around them or something so he didn't really focus one of them down, not like it would of made a difference.
Judges' decision

Aggression: 10-5 Containment Breach
Damage: 10-5 The Pol-litetm
Strategy: 9-6 Containment Breach

Containment Breach wins by a 24-21 judges' decision.


Yall it might actually rain for the first time in a month and a half today I'm so excited I want to BREATH again fuck off smoke

Anyway there's a match going on. And oh would you look at that Toxic's trying to get TD around to the side of MORE PUZZLES. So has everyone else, and so will everyone else. Unfortunately for him, MORE PUZZLES is able to lurch into the side of TD. the hit is just. Massive. Huge. gargantuan. I've never seen internal components fly across the arena like that before. TD is completely on fire. Somehow the drum is still working, though that is little consolation as TD is counted out.

Anyway we're all gonna go help him rebuild that bot now. That means you too, drew.

Winner: MORE PUZZLES. KO, 0:20

Disposal Unit vs. Apeirogon

From the land of Argentina came a roboteer one day
Hardly spoke to folks on Facebook, didn’t have too much to say
No one dared to ask her business or to visit in the pits
The middleweight she entered had a big iron on its hip
A big iron on its hip…

I apologize for that. Anyway in the red square we have Apeirogon, an absurdly powerful air cannon, on wheels, and Disposal Unit, an eggbeater.

The event passed so quickly, it was time for them to meet
It was twenty past eleven when they put them in the ring
Folks were heading for the back rows, everybody cleared the stands
And wondered why projectiles had ever been unbanned
Had ever been unbanned

There was forty feet between them when they stopped to make their play
And the swiftness of the cannon is still talked about today
Disposal Unit had not spun up when a bullet fairly ripped
And Apeirogon was deadly with the big iron on its hip
Except not because the fight starts and Apeirogon does not go for the long-range shot on its stationary opponent. And Disposal Unit starts spinning and heads out of its square, serpentining its way across the box. Apeirogon strafes away, trying to stay close but not too close and keep track of its opponent at the same time. Finally it takes a shot, and immediately takes a wheel off of Disposal Unit, then proceeds to miss two more times while frantically backpedaling. DU is the quicker robot, but is having trouble catching Apeirogon because it doesn’t want to attack in a straight line.
Finally it just goes “fuck it” and sends it, and Apeirogon fires right into the drum! Bang! And there goes a light already, as a cannon slug gets volleyball-saved into the ceiling. Disposal Unit’s bouncing around like mad, I see shrapnel in the arena, but it plows into Apeirogon regardless, and rides up the wedge and gets a direct hit on the cannon barrel, bending it upwards, or rather twisting the whole cannon upward in the frame.

Disposal Unit’s drum is down though, because a whole quarter of the eggbeater has been snapped off by that hit! It tries to berserker mode smack Apeirogon a bit, but… uh oh. Match paused?

This could be bad news, folks… and I’m being told that due to the damage to Apeirogon’s cannon, i.e. the barrel now being pointed at the arena ceiling, it has been deemed a safety hazard if it actually fires again.

After fifteen minutes it was determined that Apeirogon’s weapon could not be made safe to restart the match, so it’s gone to the judges.

Damage: Apeirogon 9, Disposal Unit 6
Aggression: Apeirogon 7, Disposal Unit 8
Control: Apeirogon 8, Disposal Unit 7

Your winner, by a 24-21 split decision is… Apeirogon! Let the booing commence!

Black Hazard vs. No Tomorrow

Well it’s not hard to guess what’s going to happen here. That’s right, all hell breaks loose! Both powerful weapons make their satisfying hum as they churn up to full speed. The two bots cruise towards each other and pretty soon… BOOM! They’re flung apart and it takes a few moments to get back on track. Eventually… BOOM! There we go again. We only get a few more of these terrific collisions before both bots are essentially done.

Aggression: 8-7 Black Hazard
Damage: 8-7 No Tomorrow
Strategy: 8-7 No Tomorrow

No Tomorrow wins 23-22



Fork The Wind vs. Powerdrive

Powerdrive is starting things cautiously, while Fork the Wind begins things with, well what else but a box rush. Ultimately fortune favors Powerdrive who takes control of the match for awhile. Powerdrive keeps Fork mostly backed up against a wall, and doesn’t give much space for Fork to escape. Fork keeps taking abuse from the weapon and eventually has to resort to playing off a ricochet to get back to open space again. Fork does get some time in the sun, but ultimately the majority of the match belongs to Powerdrive.

Aggression: 9-6 Fork the Wind
Damage: 11-4 Powerdrive
Strategy: 10-5 Powerdrive

Powerdrive wins 27-18

Taisabachi vs. Xtreme PneumatiX

Oh god my focus is going every which way brain PLEASE I beg of you let me do things.

Uhhhhh robots. Robits. Roberts. Fun fact my dad's name is robert. So is my grandfather's. My grandfather is not my biological grandfather which means my dad's mom married someone with the same name as him isn't that kinda weird? Anyway my grandpa is super cool he's just a grumpy old guy he's great I haven't seen him in forever I really wish I could but plane tickets and covid andaskjadaskdjalkfjfa. Why can't I just have a million dollars life is hard.

Things are happening out there while I'm talking, by the way, but it's fine this is television so you can see them even if I talk about something entirely unrelated.

[muffled talking from outside mic range] wait what? Really. You're sure? [continued muffled talking from outside mic range] fuck shit bitch ass vagina boobs ass butt balls damnit sorry well anyway uh taisbatchi is underneath xTPx right now and that's a nice flip there. Pneumatix ends up squarely on its back, and there's a bit of a chase as it finds a good place to right itself without immediately getting flipped again.

While that happens I should probably let you know that early on there were a few interactions where pneumatix came out on top. They all ended with tai's spinner smacking the ground, which made it very hard for maxi to keep control over her bot. Tai got under once with the spinner not up to speed, letting ethan escape before she could get a flip in.

Oh hey look Pneumatix is upright again and back on the offensive. There's a bit of jostling for position, and pneumatix does get under for a moment, before the spinner again shoots Tai off in a funny direction. They meet again, and this time Tai gets under again. The flip maxi gets off is a little flaccid, though, with the spinner not up to full power, and it mostly just pushes Pneumatix back. This lets ethan get in a quick recover and finally get a satisfying SLAM flip into a wall that's very crowd pleasing. I am the crowd. I am pleased.

Tai's upside down now, and so it's now spinner vs wedge. Tai's able to hold off xTPx for quite a while, smacking forks to get space. She finally gets enough space to right herself, but unfortunately she ends up with an exposed side doing so and gets scooped up and flipped into a corner. There's some pinning/trapping in a corner, so let's finish the narration of what happened while I was not talking about robots.

ALthough come to think of it… the only other notable thing that happened was a big oversteer by Tai that gave ethan an opening for a big ram flip into a corner. Maxi was able to escape the pin after about 10 seconds, which was much better than she's doing this time. Looks like we're getting the full 30 and a ref call to back off.

They reengage and Tai immediately gets under and sends pneumatix onto its back - onto the flat angled part of the wedge actually, so no wheels on the ground. xTPx is forced to right immediately, and this lets Tai get under. Unfortunately the spinner is still coming back up to power, so this flip's a bit flaccid again, and xTPx doesn't quite go over. But! Good news for maxi, the clock is running down and the last 10 seconds of the match or so are xTPx inelegantly running away to try and make space.

Aggression: 3-2 xTreme Pneumatix
Damage: 3-2 xTreme Pneumatix
Control: 3-2 xTreme Pneumatix

Final Decision: 9-6 in favor of xTreme Pneumatix

Rampage vs. Greenwar

Both bots are spinning up, and Rampage is kind of dancing around, trying to get to the side of Greenwar. It looks like it may have a chance at it, Greenwar is gyro-ing quite a bit, but it is overall keeping that weapon pointed at Rampage. Rampage tries to attack the corner but Greenwar just barely turns in time, and scoops Rampage up on the hinged wedgelets. And there’s a good hit by Greenwar: Rampage gets tossed away and does a 540, ending up on its back. Greenwar stays on the attack, chasing after it, and Rampage just barely escapes and makes some space to regroup. I don’t think it can hit the wall, but it can hit Greenwar, and has to come in and try to avoid getting uppercut by the weapon… which it does not quite pull off. I think both weapons made contact, Rampage gets launched again, and ends up upside-down again. It comes in again with a bit better alignment, and takes a big gouge out of Greenwar’s front weapon brace.

Anyway, Rampage has finally ended up the right way up, but its wedge took some serious punishment. Half the ground-scraping tip is gone and the other half is bent and partially torn off, and the wedge itself has been cut into and curled upwards, as well as having gouges and dent from the inverted hits. Rampage has to be careful to avoid attacking with the left side here. It manages to get a head-on blow, and actually somehow still gets under! Greenwar takes a pop, but bounces back down on its tracks, and Rampage exposes its own flank a bit trying to follow up! Bang! Greenwar catches it on the side of the wedge, and if that didn’t stick out so far that could have caught Rampage’s wheel! As it is the corner of Rampage’s wedge is peeled upward, and it’s sent sailing almost twenty feet across the arena.
Both bots are still moving, though, and Rampage finally gets the hit it wants, smacking the corner of Greenwar’s wedge and tossing it onto its back. Greenwar’s weapon kicks it across the box and into the wall. It self-rights with the arm, but gets hung up against the wall a little, and Rampage charges in and decks it! The track seems to be okay, but there’s a huge hole knocked through the side armor!

However, the fight turns against Rampage again with another nasty uppercut that completely tears off the groundscraper, and inverts it again. This time the self-righting attempt really doesn’t go Rampage’s way, as a glancing blow draws it up onto Greenwar’s discs and the top gets absolutely shredded open! Rampage comes to rest upside-down, and limps away smoking and dragging some sort of innards. One side of the drive might be down? Greenwar comes in and love-taps the damaged wedge again, and there’s the tap out from Rampage!

Your winner, by knockout in 1:56, is Greenwar!

Omicron32 vs. Chimera

Chimera runs out of the square with haste as Omicron works it's way to the center of the arena. Chimera slows it's drive as Omicron aims to get under the edges of the forks. Chimera does not allow this as it turns with Omicron and gets under to flip it. It attempts to capitalize, but Omicron is a strange little bot with a grand gift. It just flips that lifter around and keeps on ticking. No matter how many times Omicron is flipped, it just keeps throwing his body into Chimera After a couple more exchanges in Chimera's favor, Omicron eventually does get under and lifts Chimera. However, before it can get to the wall, Chimera throws out a couple of air flips to knock itself off and it mostly does, one wheel is still kinda stuck however. Omicron tries to drive it to the hazards but no dice. We get another couple flips before Omicron gets another lift in. But this time, the air flips cannot save Chimera from getting lifted into the air. It gets one flip out and then the body is at an 80 degree angle. Omicron is not able to deliver to the hammer, but it is able to deliver Chimera to the killsaw. The match eventually ends with a sound from the buzzer

Aggression: 10-5 Omicron32
Damage: 9-6 Omicron32
Control: 9-6 Chimera

Omicron32 wins 25-20

2-face vs. Compound Fracture

Compound Fracture opens the fight by poking its lifter into the lion's eyes, it doesn't seem like it did much but it has to count for something.
The fight goes as a relatively exciting wedgefight (keyword relatively), it seems like Compound Fracture is more effective at pushing when it gets under, or 2-face is less effective at pushing when it gets wedged? the universe is relative, you get the point its more fun to watch 2-face getting rammed against a wall than to watch CF get rammed against a wall.
Halfway through Compound Fracture flips 2-face in a wall ram with some lifter action and... huh, what's the plan now?
Yeah so 2-face spends the next 40 seconds running around being annoying without being able to actually do anything significant as it has nothing even close to resemble a wedge of any kind when upside down. This ends when CP manages to pin it against a wall sideways, when HFL has to let go 2-face does fall back upright. No doing the thing today apparently.
We now go back to the more even wedging stuff, more pushing, ramming against walls and complete neglect of arena hazards later the fight ends anticlimactically as the timer runs out.
Come on guys, you didn't even scratch each others paint.

Judges' decision

Aggression: 8-7 2-Face
Damage: 8-7 Compound Fracture
Strategy: 11-4 Compound Fracture

Compound Fracture wins by a 26-19 judges' decision



Hartmann's Youkai Bot III vs. Power Bar

We hear two different hums in the box tonight, as we see Powerbar and HYB sizing each other up. PB aims for the wheels and is constantly weaving in and out trying to avoid that front weapon. HYB then goes in for a blow and it just catches the tips of both of their blades, sending both backwards. Adam realizes that he is not gonna be able to reach those wheels, so it comes down to shots. Bar shots of course. No not those kinds of bar shots I mean robot bar shots. Oh no, now y'all are thinking of Robot Club and Grille, I'm sorry. You tried Fuzzy, you tried. Anyways, like a game of Judge in game and watch, each one gets a hit that hurts them slightly. After about 5 mesmerizing and powerful shots, both weapons are starting to look a little worse for wear. However, due to the design, Powerbar's chassis seems to be taking some damage as well, as now it is starting to drive on one side. The fight eventually causes both bots' weapons to stop working, to which it becomes a shoving match. Due to the previous damage, Powerbar is struggling a bit to push with one side working, though it's still able to crab walk. HYB isn't fairing much better since it's mostly made of disc, but it does kinda push them a bit? The fight ends with both bots still working.

Aggression: 9-6 HYB
Damage: 9-6 HYB
Control: 10-5 HYB

HYB wins 28-17 decision

Deep Dish Destruction vs. Multicrap

Multicrap has 5 trillion weapons and they're all underpowered. It is appropriately named. Deep Dish destruction is a pizza. It is Appropriately named.

The match starts and multicrap… wait what the hell is the spinner arm. Is the whole spinner retractable? Why is there no range of motion image. Asalkjfsgsdf i dont have the spoons to figure out how this works I guess she's keeping the spinner back?? Oh I get it it doesnt get weapon armor since it's only 3 power. Ok. ok. I thought that was a weird decision until I realized that. This makes sense.

Ok anyway both bots meet eventually. DDD is able to run away for long enough to be at full speed so its' a hell of a hit. Mmm let's get some slow mo of that one in post production please that had to look sick as hell. DDD jumped like straight up, then shot off in one direction, still kind of flying. It goes crazy bouncing around a corner. One of the hammer operators gets the bright idea to swing the hammer as DDD bounces around in the corner and the whole thing gets sheared off. It lands on a killsaw, and the killsaw operator gets the bright idea activate the saws on the hammer. This is what we get for letting children from the audience operate the arena hazards.

Multicrap also gets catapulted, to the other side of the arena. As it comes to a stop I can see that DDD's weapon caught on the inner corners of Multicrap's wedge. That bit cut out to accomodate the spinner, which is currently retracted. There's a noticable deep gash there. The rest of the wedge is holding up fine as we get another HUGE hit. Again DDD catches that inside corner, this time peeling away at the top of the wedge. This again gives DDD time to get up to speed. Credit to maxi here, she's trying to keep the hit to a part of her wedge that hasn't been affected.

She's able to do this another two times and start to pressure DDD into corners. The impacts send it pinballing into walls. Unable to spin up fully and unable to regain control of the bot, TCR is forced to just watch and hope for the best. Can DDD take this sort of sustained abuse without breaking? Finally, TRC gets a break, as a lucky hit catches the gash already created previously. This knocks multicrap just far away enough for him to get the shell to dangerous speeds. Multicrap still moves in, and the resultant impact is MASSIVE. It rips off part of Multicrap's plow, but also sends DDD cartwheeling around the arena. It impacts off a wall, flips over, spins a rotation or two, catches a killsaw hole, shoots across the arena, slams into a wall, gets upright again, and is then back on its wheels. Again, it's able to just get up to speed as multicrap makes contact, and again the impact is so huge. So much pizza pinball. Gods what a match.

Multicrap lands on its side from the impact… and just lays there for a moment. Then, its spinner arm wiggle waggles, the weapon turning on, and eventually it gets back onto its wheels. I guess something in the lifter broke from the impacts. She sure was surprised by something, that's not the kind of rookie mistake maxi would make. That momentary pause is all DDD needs to get back up to speed, and even start moving away from the the walls. Multicrap is still quick to get into the action, though. This time maxi takes a bit more time to line up the perfect hit. It's not like he can get more up to speed in the time it takes to make sure she doesn't get hit in the part of her wedge that's fucked up. There's a big hit, and the bots separate. DDD gets up to speed, but isn't able to get to center stage. They meet again, and the bots separate, DDD pinballing into a wall.

And one of Multicrap's wheels just. Rolls off. Toodle oo. Buhbye now. A little bit more evidence that these catastrophic impacts are, in fact, doing something. The loss of a drive wheel means that Multicrap can't get back to DDD before it spins up again. Looks like it was also harder to line up a good shot as my goodness that was a hell of a hit. The wedge isn't hanging on cleanly any more.

We're closing in on the last 30 seconds now. Can DDD secure a KO? TCR certainly smells the blood in the water. Multicrap holds back for a second or two. Looking to the booth, you can see maxi let out a deep sigh, and then the bot moves in for yet another engagement. I think she's right to do this. This fight is neck and neck. She has to show aggression now, and eke out every point she can from the judges.

CLUNK. Good gods the wedge is STILL on. But multicrap is smoking. And my god DDD is STILL going. What the hell is that thing made of? Deep Dish Destruction heads back to the middle of the arena, spinning up again. And Multicrap is forced to move to meet him. The clock gets under 10 seconds remaining as they approach each other, and the final hit of the match comes through…

And the wedge! Stays! On! Both boths go flying. Both bots recover. This is going to the judges!

Aggression: 4-1 Multicrap
Damage: 5-0 Deep Dish Destruction
Control: 3-2 Deep Dish Destruction

Final Judgement: 9-6 in favor of Deep Dish Destruction

Chieftain vs. Anyone's Guess

It’s anyone’s guess how to summarize fights like this without losing your mind, more like. With identical speed stats you can pretty well imagine that there’s a decent amount of back and forth that goes one. The extended forks gives AG an early edge on things, and eventually it makes Chieftain have dial things down just a bit to even things up. There’s a lot of slamming around and usage of the hazards on both parts. Since both bots are fairly durable, they’re still in pretty good shape all the way through to the end.

Aggression: 9-6 Anyone’s Guess
Damage: 8-7 Chieftain
Strategy: 9-6 Chieftain

Chieftain wins 23-22

Big Boy Flaily vs. Not So Huge

While living up to its moniker of Big, Flaily's definitely an interesting boi, too. When I think of flails, I think of those maces on chains, not extendable rods. How does this translate to the match? Well, not exactly good for Pat. Mind you, I do like HUGE and HUGE-like robots, but that bears nothing on the decision on the match, which comprises of one, decisive hit. And that hit is a sneaky flail hit to the side of one of Pat's gigantic wheels as Pat tries to come straight at Flaily, taking a huge (so to speak) chunk out of the wheel and leaving Not So Huge pretty much limping on a lame wheel. From then on, it doesn't take long for Jack to get a second, big hit that takes the entire wheel off and leaves Pat's SHW dead on the floor.

Big Boy Flaily wins by a knockout in 1:26.

Boreas vs. Pathos

Kody stop making me write the same guy like 3 times in a row challenge (impossible)

*editor's note - sorry mac, you were screwed either way :V

Both bots charge each other, and Pathos is the first to get under. Boreas' drum doinks off the front of Pathos' middle wedgelets and pops it into the air, just right for the front-hinged flipper to come into play. Whoosh, plop. Just like a hamburger on the grill. A hamburger with a ~60lb vertical spinner on it.


Flip again.

Ding! The drum makes contact with Pathos' wedgelets yet again. Luckily for Mystic, directly on the face. The two continue going at it for a while, with Pathos generally getting the upper "hand" (do lifters count as arms/hands?) for the majority of encounters.

Then Boreas manages to slip under. POW. Two already beat-up wedgelets go flying off to God-knows-where, one bends in a way that I don't think it's supposed to, and the last one gets flapped up-and-down a bunch but otherwise remains functional. Things go pretty downhill for Pathos from here. With no passive wedge, it's "forced"* to bring the long and unweildy overhead down. Yeah good luck not overbalancing with that thing lol. Works for a little bit, then Boreas catches the tip and just WHIPS Pathos backward. Arm still works, but Pathos plays the last ~30 seconds of the match very carefully (read: unconvincingly) to avoid actually for-real breaking it. BEEEEEEEEP. Match over.

*I mean it also could've used the rear wedge too if it felt like getting a 1 way ticket to the ceiling but yk :V


Boreas wins by JD (10-5)
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That Kode Guy
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Re: Ruination: The Tempest - Results

Post by That Kode Guy » Sat Oct 15, 2022 11:27 pm




Ayame vs. Pink Wedge

All right, we got ourselves a flipper battle. In the blue square we have Ayame, in the Red Square, Pink Wedge has had to forfeit due to technical details, but just for fun Team Team British Robotic British Robots has agreed to let an audience member drive Burning Blue.

The match starts. Ayame charges, Burning Blue… lurches. Ayame easily gets to the side and gets a flip in. Burning Blue self-rights, reverses over the killsaws. There’s another flip, and, uh… nothing from Burning Blue. Still nothing. Bueller. Bueller. 10… 9… 8… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Knockout – wait, Burning Blue self-rights and speeds away directly into the wall! And drives at Ayame, getting briefly under it – stop, stop!

Okay, I’m being told that the driver of Burning Blue mixed up the flip button with the transmitter off switch. Don’t worry dude, I’ve done that with this mic like five times today. But regardless that’s still a countout. I guess we can let it go 2 more minutes for fun, but regardless:

Your winner is Ayame, by showing up to the match!

Scrapper vs. Burning Blue

The fight begins with Scrapper spinning up and Burning Blue rushing forwards but not actually attacking instead he just does all sorts of driving stunts to try to outjuggle Scrapper and find an opening or something and the match quickly devolves into one of those driveway basketball games with your mean annoying cousin whos like 7 years older than you and he isn't even trying to score he is just bouncing the ball around making fun of how you can't even touch the ball. At least that's what this feels like from Scrapper's perspective i guess.
Eventually Burning Blue finds an opening and rushes in to flip Scrapper, the drumbot flies without landing a hit of its own and lands right past the killsaws. nvm Scrapper immediately drives into the killsaws, whoops.
They then go back to the dumb game from before, several seconds of nonsense later Burning Blue does pull it off again, this time it does send Scrapper directly into the hazard. The annoying strat seems to actually be working.
Half way through the 3 minute timer the third attack of the fight happens and would you look at that Burning Blue's flipper goes in to the spinner, yay for something different. The flipper does seem to still work but it doesn't quite go to the fully closed position, not like it matters in this fight tbh.
30 seconds of more juggling later the driver from Team TBR goes in again but doesn't quite predict the gyro shenanigans from Scrapper and the spinner lands a direct hit on the flipper. The entire flipper assembly gets torn clean off! Finally some carnage ffs.
Huh, what's the plan now? so Burning Blue is now a wedge and... oh come on you still doing this juggling shit?! so anyways eventually Burning Blue get under and starts pushing Scrapper around and it does work as the spinner no longer has anything nice to catch so it just scrapes (pun partially intended) the front wedge which does chew it up a significant beat but no major damage or anything like that. Eventually the pushing leads into a pin that gets interrupted by the 3 minutes running out.

Aggression: 8-7 Scrapper
Damage: 12-3 Scrapper
Strategy: 10-5 Burning Blue

Scrapper wins by a 25-20 judges' decision.

Flipkick vs. Whipscorpion

Let me see if I can actually write a decent fight again. :V

Anyway, Flipkick has the wheel nubs that make it look like a K'Nex figure and Whipscorpion looks like someone poured red paint on Stingray and then threw it down a chimney. Wait, but then wouldn't the bar be black as well? Whatever, I didn't have a preferable analysis of Whipscorpion anyway so I'll just laugh at its Speed/Traction disparity. Wait, it's translational? Curse you for stealing my fun!

Anyhoo the match begins. HFL says both "fuck it, ram him" and then "I'm just going to let him attack my wheels". I assume he means that he knows Whipscorpion has a longer reach while he's spinning and therefore can hit him even when Flipkick is ramming him. So... that happens. The 4 speed vert trundles across the arena as Whipscorpion spins up, and then Bastien belts HFL across the arena with a direct hit to the wheel. Checking the rules, I'm pretty sure Flipkick's wheels are exempt from the double damage rule since they're practically described as being like the giant ones specifically stated in the rules to be exempt. Even so, Whipscorpion manages to catch the edge of the wheel so there's still corner damage being applied. Part of the wheel on Flipkick is bent slightly as both robots are pinged across the arena. Whipscorpion's slow translational speed means it wasn't able to get too far from the wall so it goes flying smack-dab straight into it, while Flipkick gets rocketed all the other way across. Welp, that was a good first hit. Unfortunately, Whipscorpion has to put some distance between itself and the wall before it can spin up reliably, so it has to rely on its 15 speed to drive off. Which would have been fine, but you see there is this thing called speed-traction disparity that I mentioned earlier, and Whipscorpion's traction value is so low that Bastien has absolutely no control over where Whipscorpion drives, so it immediately janks left, drives straight over an arena saw (which thankfully didn't pop) and nearly drives into another wall.

By this time, Flipkick has recovered and is coming back in on Whipscorpion, so Bastien has to spin back up. Flipkick still only has 4 speed and 1 torque, but it's close enough to where Whipscorpion doesn't fully get to speed in time and while Flipkick does get hit again, there's no damage done this time. It does mean though that the bots don't get separated that much this time, but Flipkick is knocked behind a saw and this gives Whipscorpion enough time to get back up to speed. I guess HFL is just expecting Whipscorpion to tire itself out here on the wheels. And no, that wasn't a tire joke. Flipkick doesn't have tires in this config, fools! But it does get another small bend in the wheel as it comes back in around and takes another hit, smashing Whipscorpion right back into the wall behind. Huh. That's interesting. There's a miniscule divet in Whipscorpion's side where it hit the wall. I guess it packed more of a punch than we all thought. Self-damage = not gucci. Of course, given that it's 7 armour we're talking about here, it's little more than superficial damage, but Bastien still has to drive his bot away from the wall. HFL seems to be a little closer this time with his bot, and tries to cut off any escape route Whipscorpion has. With no really safe option, Whipscorpion comes flying away from the wall, completely uncontrollable, and as it speeds by, Flipkick manages to catch one of the wedges, rattling Whipscorpion and nearly causing it to go up on one wheel as well as putting a bend of its own in the wedge.

Unfortunately for HFL, while this aggression does score points, it doesn't seem to halt Whipscorpion's momentum and the plucky translational spinner begins to spin back up. Coming in reverse now as to spare the other wheel, Flipkick hauls its spinner to the front so it won't get caught in the attack, and then backs into Whipscorpion, and we get another massive hit that flings both robots in opposing directions. Bastien directly caught the side of the wheel this time, and the result of this is that Flipkick is launched across the Battlegrounds arena in a hilarious gymnastic display, bouncing end over end until it comes to rest nearly directly in a corner, while Whipscorpion was rocketed back into the wall again and nearly up the side of it, crashing back down onto its back. Whoo, nelly! That's the last really meaningful offense of the match; Flipkick comes back in, a little slowly now, but the buzzer goes off before anyone can do anything else.

Aggression: 11-4 Flipkick
Damage: 12-3 Whipscorpion
Strategy: 8-7 Flipkick

Whipscorpion wins by a 23-22 split judges' decision!

I Can't Believe It's Not Tanto vs. 25 or 6 to 4

What I really can't believe is how Drew failed to realize that coming right at Fake-Butter-Tanto means that he's not actually going to hit anything since Tanto has a gigantic fucking span of nothing between both edges of its forks and the chassis. Or maybe he did and just didn't really care. Either way, this works almost completely against him as, when Drew's bot does gets under, he's unable to really make use of it all as the forks just strand themselves up by the scoops and allow Tanto-As-Advertised-By-Upfield to shove 25 or 6 to 4 all over the shop. But even those moments are few and far between, as Tickle-Me-Tanto gets under far more consistently and outpace 25 or 6 to 4 by a wide margin. True, Drew is able to drive out of trouble a lot thanks to the ground clearance, and having a decent drivetrain doesn't hurt, but he only gets one hit. One, which happens at the end of the match as Ethan was getting a little reckless and overshot his mark a bit. Rattatanto ends the match upside-down. Is that alone enough to score 23 points?

Aggression: 13-2 I Can Believe It's Tanto
Damage: 9-6 Et Tu, Tanto?
Strategy: 13-2 Two-Ton Tanto

No it isn't, as I Can't Believe It's Not Tanto wins by a 35-10 judges' decision. But at least I got to poke fun at its name. :V

Venice Queen vs. Failure Duplicator

I like Maxi's idea of trying to hit Venice Queen's chassis with the eggbeater spinning downwards. There's just one problem with that; it's small enough so that the points of contact will still be with the wedge first, and that will take some oomph out of the weapon before it hits the chassis. Unfortunately, we never get to see if I'm blowing smoke or not with that opinion, because Sio is just totally all over poor Maxi in this fight. The initial collision has Venice Queen connect with a barely spun-up Failure Duplicator's horizontal spinner and from there it goes utterly pants. With 6 more speed and the same amount of control, Venice Queen is just too fast for Failure Duplicator to really get anything going here. I'll sum it up; Venice Queen hits Failure Duplicator, stops half-spun-up weapon, slams Failure Duplicator into object, whether it be wall, hazard, or Annoying Congressman. I'm not really sure about the last one, so take your pick. After that, Failure Duplicator's second weapon, fully spun up, comes into contact with said object, punts Failure Duplicator away, and Venice Queen is immediately on their ass again. At least being pinged around the arena stops Failure Duplicator from taking too much hazard damage, but not getting any real attack of your own in is not a good outlook and a resigned Maxi watches her bot land upside-down at the final second. Who knows? Maybe the same spirit of the Tanto vs. 25 or 6 to 4 match will let Failure Duplicator somehow take home the win... BUT I WANNA KNOW FOR SURE!!!

Aggression: 15-0 Venice Queen
Damage: 8-7 Failure Duplicator
Strategy: 11-4 Venice Queen

Venice Queen wins by a 33-12 judges' decision. But Failure Duplicator got more points than 25 or 6 to 4 did, so that counts for something. It's the moral victories, you know.



TD vs. Bite Me

Tiki Dude! Tiki Dude!
Drum em in the face!
Tiki Dude! Tiki Dude!
Break the bot with grace!
Tiki Dude! Tiki Dude!
Drum begins to hum!
Tiki Dude! Tiki Dude!
Smacked em in the bum!
Tiki Dude! Tiki Dude!
Pat forgot to show!
Tiki Dude! Tiki Dude!
Bite Me's gonna blow!


Tiki Dude wins by battery explosion (FF) in 0:45

Skoll vs. Black Hazard

Two spinsters. What fun. One's coming right at the other. Said other is uh... sideways. What is it with you guys and not facing your opponents directly?! Shame on you! HFL isn't listening apparently, as he's still trying to spin up Skoll's blade... which if I'm reading his RP, configuration, and stats right, has 16 weapon. Black Hazard passes through the middle of the arena and is now on a direct collision course with Skoll. Having sufficiently spun to speed, Skoll slowly turns about, but Black Hazard is closing in... oh boy, this isn't going to end well.


And that, my friends, is what likely seems to be the audio equivalent of sheet metal being thrown in a blender as both Skoll and Black Hazard go catapulting in opposite directions, Skoll bouncing off of the wall and Black Hazard getting knocked wacky and bouncing across the arena. Shockingly, both robots are upright, but as they settle back down and everyone can see the results, something definitely ISN'T right. Skoll appears to be fine, albeit a little shaken from all the wall abuse, but Black Hazard is not doing so well. Why? Well for one thing, the support wedge underneath the weapon axle is just warped to hell and back, and the vert is slowing down to a crawl. Smoke also seems to be coming from the inner workings of the robot. In short, Skoll got a clean hit on the edge of Black Hazard's wedge and ripped it completely open, ruining the weapon support and killing the weapon, with no retaliatory hit in return. Yoinks! With no working weapon and more smoke beginning to pour out from Black Hazard, Tri taps out.

Skoll wins by a technical knockout in 0:57.

No Tomorrow vs. Disposal Unit

Man, I feel bad for Jack and his bot. I already lorded over Disposal Unit and its cool-looking industrail grinder drum in Week 1. I'm sorry, Round 1. I guess we aren't doing these by traditional Weeks anymore. Fact is, it'll take Jack more than a week to repair Disposal Unit from the brutal savaging it received in this match. It looked very close until reality set in on Disposal Unit's support teeth alongside No Tomorrow's disc. After both of the bottom supports are removed, Disposal Unit can no longer turn properly with risking a gyro and turning the drum into the ground. From there, despite being slower No Tomorrow is easily able to outflank Disposal Unit due to turning being kinda a death sentence, and tear out a wheel. And then another. And then another. And then - ah hell, you get the point.

No Tomorrow wins by a knockout in 1:28.

The Act of Being Polite vs. MORE PUZZLES

I'm puzzled as to why Drew decided that RPing for MORE PUZZLES was a waste of time, but you do you.

The Act of Being Polte wins by a forfeit.

Apeirogon vs. Containment Breach

My sins from tournies' past have come back to haunt me. I thought we banned these things after 2A turned half the ROBOTS4 sportsmans field into swiss cheese?

Thankfully for Rooty Tooty McShooty's opponent, it's front plate has a different one of my sins from tournies' past, that being slapping a big fuck off armor plate slapped on the front. If it's anything like that fucking goose robot I made, it'll have 17 armo- oh, that's "only" 14. Hmm.

The match starts, Containment Breach tries veering off to the side. Apeirogon hesitates to line up a shot, but eventually lets one zip right into the left side of CB's face. Pow, plow and bolts bent up. CB['s driver] is stunned long enough for another couple shots to land, disabling the lifter and one of the wheels. CB eats the rest of the bullets like 50 Cent, except unlike him Containment Breach eventually dies of it's injuries. Who would have thought?

Apeirogon II Super Duper EXTREME Edition wins by KO at some point between the 1:00 and 2:00 mark



Greenwar vs. Fork The Wind






yo yo my name is GREEN WAR and i think your mom is a BIG WHORE im up in this joint wit SPARKS FLYIN n ROBOTS DYIN and when i'm done with you ur gonna look like a BIG POO POO

(drops mic, everyone cheers rapturously. the remaining half of the song is pure silence due to Mr. Sir Patrick Rowberry not showing up to the battle. How very unfortunate)




Greenwar wins by DQ in 0:00

Powerdrive vs. 2-face

Power drive spins the weapon up and heads towards two-face, who is too busy looking at its reflection in the shiny newly repaired floor. Powerdrive knocks one of the faces off and Two Face looks disgusted. It tries to drive forward against Power drive, but it seems to have forgotten where the front of the robot is. It's having a bit of an identity crisis. Powerdrive continues to smash it's drum into it until it eventually became two different bots. Hooray! It's identity crisis is gone!

Power drive wins by FF

Compound Fracture vs. Omicron32


Me and my mind whenever I give myself dumb matches like these. :V

However, my disdain for what seems to be a boring slugfest has no impact on deciding/overseeing it, so let's see how it actually goes. Right off the bat the two brickety brick bricks go right at each other. Do wedge things. Which I can only assume means "get under the other guy". Well lemme tell ya something, it's not at all going to be clear-cut who wins these wedge wars, so to speak. Compound Fracture is the first to get under and almost immediately we have a war of attrition as HFL tries to get the lifter up while Jack pushes it down. In conjunction with Compound Fracture's forward drive, this makes it very hard for Jack to get away, but his perfect control allows him to escape just in time, and Omicron32 just barely avoids the saws. Next meeting, Omicron32 is the one to get under and unfortunately the same sort of scenario plays out. Compound Fracture is able to squeak away and get out of trouble before Omicron32 can get it to a hazard, but only barely. A minute of this goes on and then HFL decides to try and be creative. Omicron32 manages to slide underneath Compound Fracture again, but this time Compound Fracture tries to ramp over Omicron32's back. This is met with a bit of failure. I say a bit, because Compound Fracture own front forks actually manage to catch one of the stoppers themselves. It's a near thing because both the stopper and the forks are narrow, HFL gets unlucky enough for it to happen. The problem for Jack though is that it's only a temporary thing. As soon as Compound Fracture bumps into the stopper, it jolts a bit, and then the fork goes over the stopper. While Jack then realizes what HFL is going to do, he's powerless to stop it as Compound Fracture goes flying off the back of Omicron32. Of course, this doesn't really change too much about the match as Omicron32 is able to turn around quicker than Compound Fracture and we get another stalemate. It was a good try, though. The rest of the match sadly isn't as "exciting", as both robots take turns getting under one another. Well, maybe I spoke too soon. There IS merely one hazard trip each per robot, where Compound Fracture takes a hammer to one of its wheels while Omicron32 gets a belly full of sparks. It's pretty nil though and the match ends with neither bot having accomplished too much. Hooray.

Aggression: 8-7 Omicron32
Damage: 8-7 Omicron32
Strategy: 8-7 Compound Fracture

Omicron32 wins by a 23-22 split judges' decision.

Xtreme PneumatiX vs. Rampage

I actually had to go to the Battlebots site to find the picture for Rampage since the forum embed didn't work properly. At least the embed's error thumbnail had the filename in it so I could know to look for the 2021 version of Rampage. :V If this causes any problems in the fight, well... sorry I guess?

Anyway, Xtreme PneumatiX crashes into Rampage from the get-go and gets under. Flip? Nope, Rampage almost goes over but not quite. TDG is game and comes back in. Rampage somehow gets under. BANG! Xtreme Pneumatix is on its head. No problem for it, as it self-rights... right back onto Rampage. BANG! Invert. Again, no problem. Flip. Right-side-up. Okay, Xtreme PneumatiX gets under again, and this time is far enough under Rampage for a decent flip. Rampage is inverted. Staring at the picture on my laptop from my comfy bed, I deduce that Rampage does not have a self-righting mechanism, and 50% of its tireage is removed from the floor. I don't know about you but I'd say that's a bad situation to be in. Ethan seems to agree by taking full advantage of Rampage's invertedness and halved drivetrain by getting under easily and consistently. I guess the only real hope TDG has now is if the spinning blade comes into contact with Xtreme PneumatiX and flips Rampage back over. It's a shame no such thing happens, though there are some pretty sparks at points. There's also some sparks from the killsaws too, and a few hits from the hammers. And also lights bursting in my eyes from all the action. Yowch. I think I need a nap. So does Rampage, as Xtreme PneumatiX slams it into the wall one last time.

Aggression: 9-6 Xtreme PneumatiX
Damage: 8-7 Xtreme PnuematiX
Strategy: 11-4 Xtreme PneumatiX

Xtreme PneumatiX wins by a 28-17 judges' decision.

Chimera vs. Taisabachi

Your wedges are trash br... wait a second... OOOOHHH MYYYY GOOOOOD. This clearly isn't the same Chimera I wrote for before. Its wedges are like peak effectiveness, gal.

Now that I've gotten a shitty reference out of the way, let's delve into the match. Except... I don't know which end Maxi is comfortable with coming at Chimera with. We'll just say the spinner end since she wants to get the spinner into the forks. Which are peak effectiveness. And Sio doesn't want to compromise that so Chimera turns and comes flying out in reverse. Whee! But instead of going straight at Taisabachi, Chimera veers at an angle and goes around the side, taking advantage of Taisabachi's inferior drivetrain. At a comfortable enough angle, Chimera stops and turns into the side, even as Taisabachi tries to turn and get a hit in. Well, a few things happen. Chimera gets the flipper going, but Taisabachi surfs the air; the spinner not getting a hit in meant that it keeps the gyrational force keeping it right side up, and thus lands so. It's still a heavy landing, so Taisabachi has to gather its bearings a bit while Chimera struggles to reload the flipper. Sio isn't dumb though and keeps Chimera's distance as Taisabachi finally recovers and comes in again. Too late, the flipper's fine now. Spinner to ass. Ass wins. And by that I mean Sio pulls the exact same trick as before. Except this time Taisabachi actually gets the hit in this time. It doesn't really do anything to Chimera other than annoy it, but it does stave off another charge. Wait, no it doesn't. Chimera comes roaring in with the forks again. Which are still totes peak effectiveness. Taisabachi can't get the spinner in again. Flip. This time, Taisabachi is inverted. Hoo boy. Chimera comes in with the flipping forks again while Maxi tries to self-right. It fails because Chimera impacts into Taisabachi during the flip and knocks Taisabachi onto its back again. Unable to flip again for now, Maxi merely turns her bot about as Chimera comes in again, peak fork effectiveness abound. While Taisabachi does get a hit in on them, like, what are they gonna do? Only ping Chimera a little to the side, I guess. And Sio takes full advantage of the now stopped spinner. Cross-arena slam? You bet. Killsaws? Nah, Sio doesn't feel like it. Hammer? Sure, why not? Maxi finally gets enough breathing room to spin up again, and flips, righting her bot. And then Chimera comes in again and tips it back over. Insert sitcom laugh track here. And buzzer, because that's the end of the match. Peak combat, babe.

Aggression: 9-6 Chimera
Damage: 9-6 Chimera
Strategy: 9-6 Chimera

Chimera wins by a 27-18 judges' decision.



Anyone's Guess vs. Hartmann's Youkai Bot III

Hartmann’s Youkai Bot starts the disc, Anyone’s Guess box rushes with surprising speed for a shuffler. HYB tries to run off to the side, but gets caught and wedged under the wheels, and grinds against Anyone’s Guess, but finally gets purchase and knocks itself away. It’s slowed down again, and has to make a run for it, but again gets caught, and glances off AG’s plow.

Anyone’s Guess quickly takes control and gets under HYB enough to try and break its traction with the lifter, but HYB slips off and gets away, After a couple more minor hits HYB gets popped up on its rear wheels. Oooh, and it’s gyro-dancing! AG hangs back, not wanting to have the weapon come down on its top, and this ironically lets HYB get up to full speed, but it’s now a vertical spinner for the time being. It eventually comes crashing down inverted and of course puts yet another gash in our floor.

Anyone’s Guess decides to reverse towards it and… the egg’s away! It rolls into Hartmann’s Youkai Bot and immediately, uhh… it’s a 5 lb egg vs a 100 lb spinner. The egg goes flying, HYB is completely unaffected and in fact almost hits Anyone’s Guess in the ass as it charges through the obstacle.

Instead of doing anything about its opponent, AG goes chasing after the egg, which has gone pinballing around the arena and has a chunk missing. It’s coralled it and is trying to push it towards HYB, but you know how wheeled soccer/hockey bots have prong things to keep the ball from just rolling off to the side? Anyone’s Guess doesn’t and is trying to push something that isn’t spherical. This is not going well. HYB finally gets bored of watching this and comes in – and catches the front corner of AG’s wedge and puts a big gash into it! HYB careens away, gyros itself into the floor and goes flying, AG’s plow is not only cut into but seems to be lopsided, and the egg is rolling away somehow unscathed.
AG forgets about the egg and chases down HYB, wedging under the rear and making it hit the floor again, and long story short it gets a pin fairly quickly and holds it against the wall. AG backs off and releases. HYB is, uhh… possibly stuck? NO! IT starts spinning the disc, which is touching the ground, and bounces itself to freedom… just barely escaping another attack from AG, but has gotten at least a little space, and juked around enough to mostly spin up, and get some more glancing blows. AG’s plow is looking kind of, uhh, loosely attached, and keeps catching on the floor seams, which is making it have trouble chasing its opponent down. And it takes a hit on the other corner of the plow! HYB ricochets into the wall, and it looks like it may have a bent axle now, which is making it wobble and hit the floor even more, but the plow of Anyone’s Guess is hanging on by a thread! Or a bolt, or whatever. AG tries to get around the back of HYB while it struggles to move and keeps wedgeing it and digging the disc into the floor. Finally, it gets behind it and – uh oh, HYB clips something and ends up piruouetting sideways… and comes down with the spokes on the top of AG’s wedge! And the plow has finally given way and is ripped off the front of it! It’s got… another wedge under the wedge? Okay, but I’m not sure how well that can hold up. Let’s see… ooh, not well at all. Or rather, it’s not tall enough, and HYB skips up it into the chassis and peels the entire right wheelguard out! Or shuffler guard Or… possibly a major structural component. That shuffler pod seems to have shed the outside foot, and is not really working properly. AG crabs a bit, and taps out.

Your winner, by knockout in 2:32, is Hartmann’s Youkai Bot!

...but let’s be honest, we all know the Egg is the true moral victor here. Wait – what’s this? It’s hatching! By gawd, there’s a D2 inside! With a wheel missing! HYB you monster! You’ve orphaned it AND crippled it for life! Trihunter powers off his bot to the sound of booing.

Power Bar vs. Boreas

I'll give Adam the benefit of the doubt with the render, although I still kinda like the version of Power Bar from all the way back from Revolution. Damn, when was that, like 2006? Here we are, 16 years later. This might be the oldest bot we still have left on the circuit. But it doesn't quite show that age during the match with Boreas. We get quite a few weapon-to-weapon hits between both bots and late in the match Boreas' drum is starting to wear down from all the hits. It acts as a decent buffer though as Power Bar doesn't have the drivetrain advantage to strike anywhere else, but eventually Power Bar cuts through enough of the drum to finally score a corner damage hit on it which knocks it off its axle, killing the weapon entirely. Too bad Power Bar's own weapon is starting to expire by this point, but the match also expires and so does our entertainment.

Aggression: 9-6 Boreas
Damage: 10-5 Power Bar
Strategy: 8-7 Boreas

Power Bar wins by a 23-22 judges' decision.

Pathos vs. Big Boy Flaily

Perhaps I'm an idiot and I don't quite understand how the flails work, or maybe I'm just taking the picture of Big Boy Flaily too literally because they just look like maces on bars to me. Regardless, even if the flails were to hit at all, it wouldn't make too much difference here as Pathos barrels into Flaily like a freight train and slams it into the wall, hard. Bastien says to plow through the flails, so I guess that means he's going into their direction of spin. Well he certainly did. And now Flaily is going in a direction. Right to the corner. Oh no, the pointy hammer! WHACK. Flaily takes an extended beating under the hammer. So has my mind, apparently. Do you have any idea how many times I've nearly mispelled Flaily as Flailfy already? Or Flily... which only just happened. DocPad doesn't have a decent spellchecker. It does have a dark mode, so my eyes aren't immediately assaulted by Notepad or Microsoft Word's blinding white background. Speaking of assaults, Flaily is taking one under the hammer and is looking mightily unhappy. Pathos has to let Flaily go. Flaily goes... and Pathos catches back up to him in like 2 seconds. Flail hits side. Flail wasn't spun quite to speed. What a world. Pathos slams Flaily into the wall and the impact causes Flaily to go flying and bouncing on its side, and then coming to rest on its back. Hey, if Maximus could do that to Atomic Wedgie 20 years ago, it can happen here, damn it. Flaily spins its chassis, apparently in anger or something, but I'm afraid that doesn't count as controlled movement, so your fury is moot, sir. Pathos catches some rays back in the red square as Flaily sulks on its back.

Pathos wins by a knockout in 2:01.

Multicrap vs. Chieftain

Multicrap starts with the clamp side, aiming to get under Chieftain. And one of its forks does manage to get under. MC starts pushing as Chieftain tries to drive away. That clamp is slowly making it's way down to Chieftain, but it's unable to fully grab, as Chieftain breaks free and tries to gain a bit of distance. Chieftain is looking for an opening to get under but MC is not making it easy. After a couple attempts that end up being a stalemate, Chieftain finally gets under, and boy is it a doozy. MC tried to ready itself for a wall slam by lifting it's spinner, and MC goes right into the wall. Chieftain also has MC at an interesting angle where it's almost up on it's back end. A close flip, but one that rattles MC, as it gets back on the offensive. This time it's bringing in the spinner. The spinner delivers a big hit to the front of Chieftain, sending it backward slightly. However, Chieftain is able to get under after a bit of chasing, and while MC comes close to driving away, Chieftain is able to flip the pocket knife. MC does have it's spinner arm rotating to self right. Damage is sustained in the process however, as Chieftain pushes it into the saws. One of the spinner belts snaps loose and it's now down to two. MC gets itself back over and hits Chieftain once more. There's a bit of paint scratching and slight knock back, but not much else. The buzzer eventually sounds, as the 3 minutes are up

Aggression: 10-5 Chieftain
Damage: 10-5 Chieftain
Control: 9-6 Chieftain

Chieftain wins 29-16

Not So Huge vs. Deep Dish Destruction

The fight begins with both bots going at each other at full speed and on impact Not So Huge splits into bite-sized chunks. The rest of the match is Deep Dish Destruction going on a spree of breaking its opponent's bits into not so huge pieces like if it was a minigame or something. When Not So Huge gets fully counted out Deep Dish Destruction ends with a score of 37 hits.

Deep Dish Destruction wins by knockout in 0:24! (ff)
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That Kode Guy
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Re: Ruination: The Tempest - Results

Post by That Kode Guy » Tue Nov 01, 2022 2:14 am




25 or 6 to 4 vs. Venice Queen

I’ve probably said this before but having a bot name that has me having to constantly alternate between the keyboard and my number pad is just mean lol. Anyway, Chicago sets itself in a defensive posture, anticipating a flanking maneuver by Venice Queen. Surprisingly enough, that doesn’t appear to be in the cards as VQ is in full on rammer mode. What’s less surprising is that this tactic doesn’t seem to pay the dividends that VQ was expecting. Chicago’s weapon does an effective job knocking the charging VQ away. Subsequently VQ must change gears to the flanking tactic a bit sooner than the oddly specific timeframe they anticipated. That said, Chicago still does a pretty good job at defense and gets in a few more hits before VQ is able to get under free and clear. VQ gets to take over the fight for a nice bit and gets some good hazard action going a couple times. Overall a fairly back and forth match until the end.

Aggression: 10-5 Venice Queen
Damage: 9-6 25 or 6 to 4
Strategy: 9-6 25 or 6 to 4

25 or 6 to 4 wins 23-22

Whipscorpion vs. Failure Duplicator

Failure Duplicator spins up, Whipscorpion spins up, this is gonna be violent! Failure Duplicator’s moving pretty cautiously here, leading with the eggbeater. It doesn’t have a lot of reach with that weapon, and Whipscorpion’s kind of juking around from side to side. Not sure if that’s on purpose or the melty brain algorithm not quite being dialed in, but it’s enough motion that Failure Duplicator’s having trouble lining itself up. It decides to just like a foot out of range as if it’s taunting, going “Nyeh nyeh, you can’t translate fast enough to hit me!” But actually it can! Whipscorpion lunges, or rather drifts vaguely in FD’s direction, and clips the left skirt of Failure Duplicator! There’s a shower of sparks, Whipscorpion sends itself flying, and FD’s now limping, partially hung up on the severely bent wedge! It doesn’t have much choice but to play the hang back trip again, and there goes the other skirt, clipped and sent clean off the robot!

That hit does seem to have un-jammed the remaining skirt though, and this time FD’s gotten wise to Whipscorpion going for the corners if it stands still, and itself veers in at the last second, resulting in a massive impact! Both bots pull off their signature moves: FD gyroing and flipping over, Whipscorpion sailing across the arena into the wall.

Both bots are still somehow functional-ish. Failure Duplicator doesn’t seem to be driving very well, it keeps going in circles like there’s a wheel locked up, and also the beater assembly looks like it’s lopsided and wobbling as it moves. On the other hand both weapons are still working, and it’s leading with the horizontal: now in Over/Mid Cutter mode. This has a little more margin for error, and it gets several more big weapon-on-weapon hits that ping the bots around the arena – oh no! But the eggbeater pod is nearly twisted out of the frame altogether! It’s been nearly torn out by the sheer g-forces of these impacts, and finally gets ripped away by an enormous hit after Whipscorpion reverses spin direction.
Failure Duplicator’s disc is not rubbing and scraping against its own frame, throwing off a few sparks and making an awful noise. But Whipscorpion’s spinning is slow and lopsided, and it’s not really translating. There’s some smoke coming out of… it, and it finally comes to a halt, and… is more or less trying to crabwalk with one wheel locked up. It could be a while before we see another hit… PLINK, there it is. And… PLINK. This might be going to the judges, there’s thirty seconds left… oh, no! But Failure Duplicator finally catches Whipscorpion just as it’s trying to crank up it’s spin. The tail can’t build up speed and gets stopped against the side of FD, and FD lurches forward absolutely rends the side open!

There’s no movement from Whipscorpion, it’s saved by the bell with six seconds on the countdown, but that last hit could be decisive.

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Whipscorpion 5, Failure Duplicator 10
Aggression: Whipscorpion 7, Failure Duplicator 8
Control: Whipscorpion 8, Failure Duplicator 7

Your winner, by a 25-20 judges’ decision that’s really a knockout but them’s the rules, is Failure Duplicator!

Pink Wedge vs. I Can't Believe It's Not Tanto

There lived a certain bot in Birmy long ago
He was small and strong, in his wedge a shiny glow
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear
But to lifter chicks he was such a lovely dear
He could tank the hits like a shield
Full of ecstasy and fire
But he also was the kind of fighter
Women would desire
Lover of the British queen (RIP)
There was a wedge that really was pink
Birmy's favorite doorstop wedge
It was a shame how Pat never came

Tanto wins by FF

Burning Blue vs. Ayame

aw jeez the brickbot brits are at it again......

Match starts, they both square each other up. Seems like Ayame is slightly faster. Whether out of hubris or otherwise, Burning Blue decides to challenge it to a parking lot donut-off and promptly loses, leaving it beached on Ayame's flipper. The next 15-30 seconds belong entirely to 'her' (as is tradition with waifubots). And although Burning Blue is entirely at the mercy of Ayame's flipper, it's... also not a very strong flipper. So it's more like "pushing with extra steps".

Once BB does escape, though, things don't go much better. There's another flank attempt from TBR. It ends up... slightly better? Not by much. Ayame slips up and Blue gets under, gives a lift, and that's it. The rest of this fight shows BB generally playing the defensive while Ayame does it's best to nip in and out. A few snips from Ayame here, the very occasional jab by Blazing Blue there.

It's like bumper-cars, but with doorstops.

DAMAGE------ 3-2 AYAME

Ayame wins by JD (10-5)

Flipkick vs. Scrapper

For a big weapon vs weapon fight, this fight takes a little while to get going. There’s a lot of posturing that goes on before we get any action. There’s a lot of worrying about getting just that right attack angle. Long story short, the weapon on Scrapper ends up being more effective in this fight and the funky wheel setup on Flipkick only helps delay the inevitable for so long before enough damage is done and it is rendered immobile.

Scrapper wins by KO in 1:48



MORE PUZZLES vs. Apeirogon

Despite Drew not showing up for the match, MORE PUZZLES is somehow present all on its own, taking up residence in the red square. Weird. Apeirogon takes its place in the blue square, and the match begins. MORE PUZZLES begins to flail about all on its own with its walking system, lurching back and forth. Yes, I'm going off of memory of the Battlebot Wrecks, even though I haven't seen it for several years. What do I look like, a person who isn't lazy? Anyway, Maxi takes careful aim, quietly attentive to the lurching movements of MORE PUZZLES, and then fires a single shot. It makes a direct hit on the spinning blade...

...wait, what's this?!

The powerful blast of the cannon on Apeirogon, combined with the sheer ludicrous power of MORE PUZZLES' spinning blade, have opened up an interdimensional rift in the space-time continuum! And it's sucking in Drew's middleweight! Oh no! Unable to think of anything else, Maxi fires the remaining two shots at MORE PUZZLES, hoping perhaps to spare it from a fate worse than death, but all it manages to achieve is almost blasting itself apart in the process. I guess if you have 1 armour, that's the price you have to pay. But those remaining shots knock MORE PUZZLES directly into the rift, which closes. I guess that's the match? Maxi hurriedly runs into the area and carts Apeirogon off for repairs.

Meanwhile, MORE PUZZLES seems to have travelled through time, and is caught up in the great climactic 1805 Battle of Trafalgar between the British Royal Navy and the combined French and Spanish Navies, sparing Commander Horatio Nelson a fatal bullet by spinning it back with its blade and killing the assailant in one blow before being sucked back into the space-time continuum. No one knows why, but this one hastens the British Royal Navy's victory as Nelson rises to the occasion and leads his fleet onwards, commandeering a total takeover of the seas around England and cementing his name in history even more than it already had. This single event has a snowball effect which changes the course of history many, many years down the line where the German naval forces in WW2 (yes it still happens) are confounded by the now many times more powerful British fleet, having remembered their history and having a substantially advanced Naval force than before. This leads to Nazi Germany's very early collapse, but it also leads to a wholly different Cold War. Because it isn't cold. At all. Tensions between the Soviet Union and the United States are on far more of a high due to the circumstances and eventually one side gives in. Nukes go off all over the planet and eventually humanity as we know it becomes extinct from the resulting fallout.

...all because Apeirogon shot a spinning weapon. Good fucking job, you caused mass extinction in another timeline. Take the forfeit win. Much good it will do you.

Disposal Unit vs. Containment Breach

These bots’ names both have the exact same vibes: one is a chunky 4WD machine with tough armor and a questionably effective weapon, the other is a front-hinged lifter.
Yeah I know, that joke was lame, but that’s the highlight of the match, folks. Disposal Unit spins up, charges, and FORKS happen. There’s minor gouging but no real damage, and DU gets bounced away. Repeat, repeat, rinse, repeat, lather, and there’s finally a decent hit, with Containment Breach popped in the air and onto its back. DU gets another smack in while it self-rights, but it’s only scratching the armor.

Containment Breach eventually strands DU on its forks enough to keep it from getting away, and takes it into the pulverizer. It gets smacked a few times and loses one of the top forklets/skids, but otherwise seems pretty intact, and continues grinding and chipping away at Containment Breach. A couple times it manages to ramp up the forks and get a hit on the lifter, but the high-rpm weapon can’t get a good bite on the angled face with CB keeping its lifter raised.

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Disposal Unit 8, Containment Breach 7
Aggression: Disposal Unit 6, Containment Breach 9
Control: Disposal Unit 4, Containment Breach 11

Your winner, by a 27-18 Judges’ Decision, is Containment Breach!

Bite Me vs. The Act of Being Polite

Never anticipated writing a FF for a Pat fight, but here we are…

The Act of Being Polite wins by FF

Black Hazard vs. TD


But, uh... these are both relatively glass-y vertical spinners, and the only major difference between these two is that one has a wedge and the other does not. That's not some "YOUR WEDGE SUCKS BRO" hyperbole, TD literally does not have a wedge. And he's throwing the weapon-on-weapon hail mary. Guess who gets under?


TD gets absolutely *chucked* into the air, reaching a max height of about 7-odd feet before smacking back to the ground like a cardboard box. Things are already looking worse for wear, but the match is all but over when Black Hazards walks up and delivers another golf swing. WHACK. crash. The judge starts counting out and starts going really slow near the end of it to build up fake suspense, but TD is missing a couple wheels and has most of it's insides visible. It's fucked tbh mate

"TwoooooooOOOOoooo... (cough)... oooonnnnneeee........ <glances toward the audience dramatically. several times> aaaaaand... we have a knockout!"

Black Hazard wins by KO in "2:59" (actually 0:50)

No Tomorrow vs. Skoll

Both weapons spin up. No Tomorrow goes straight into the spinner, holding nothing back. Skoll goes for a bit at an angle while spinning the opposite direction, and while it does move no tomorrow a bit, it doesn't move him all that much (we love treads) and it turns into a grazing hit. Second one turns into a genuine weapon on weapon hit, harming both weapons. Both still go at it though, and both start spinning a little after another two hits. One last hit manages to slow NT's weapon down to a halt. But another hit on the dead disc from Skoll also manages to stop it's weapon as well. It is now a pushing match, with No Tomorrow having a small bit of luck pushing with the back wedge, but not being able to do all that much. Skoll tries it's best, but doesn't seem to have much push in him. Eventually the match ends with a buzzer.

Aggression: 9-6 No Tomorrow
Damage: 8-7 Skoll
Control: 10-5 No Tomorrow

No Tomorrow wins 26-19



Rampage vs. Chimera

*insert week-long rant about people not putting stats in their RP threads. Not that anybody cares or they wouldn't keep forgetting about it*

Anyway, quick flip of the stick for both boys to the center of the aggre ssively turns into the wedge of Ramparena. Chimera turns into the front of Rampage and goes in for a flip. Rampage goes onwards and upwards...and onto its back. It uses it's wheels in the back to drive away, but it's weapon is unable to spin back up. Chimera then toys with it for a bit, ramming it into the wall and pinning it. Chimera also tried to take Rampage into the hazards, but is unable to. TDG keeps looking over at Sio and writes on a piece of paper "flip plz thank u". Sio looks at the note and laughs heartily. Rampage continues to trundle around and run into Chimera, but without much effect. Eventually a killsaw knocks Rampage back up. Another angle in from Chimera, but this time Rampage is ready and starts grinding away at the wedge. Pushing back. Chimera knocks itself back down and is eventually able to flip Rampage once more. Rampage once again asking for a PTO that shall never come. The match eventually ends with one massive flip from Chimera.

Aggression: 10-5 Chimera
Damage: 9-6 Chimera
Control: 13-2 Chimera

Chimera wins 32-13!

Omicron32 vs. Taisabachi

What a world we live in where I can read a sentence saying 9 armor isn’t that much. So O32 displays a general advantage in getting under Taisabachi, but the spinner hitting the floor does make it hard for O32 to control. The long term viability of this plan is somewhat questionable as it puts strain on the weapon system and the knockback is erratic and occasionally just serves up Taisabachi in a more favorable position. That said Taisabachi gets its wins in here and there and shoves O32 under the hammers a couple times. Of course O32 gives just as good it gets and ultimately more times.

Aggression: 8-7 Taisabachi
Damage: 10-5 Omicron32
Strategy: 10-5 Omicron32

Omicron32 wins 27-18

Fork The Wind vs. Xtreme PneumatiX

Yeah I'm not fucking typing three paragraphs again for a forfeit result this time. :V

Xtreme PneumatiX wins by a forfeit.

2-face vs. Greenwar

Short result because I got caught up on trying to invent a story for a result that didn't matter anyway and it took 12 fucking days to actually finish it. Maxi, Drew, I hope you're happy with yourselves. :V

Anyway, TurtleBack wants to get to Greenwar's sides. Normally I'd guffaw at such optimistic tomfoolery, but I can't right now because my gums are kind of bothering me. That, and TurtleBack is actually making a strong case for the side and rear hunting because of the obviously massive drivetrain advantage. Also Bastien trying to control the center of the arena just gives 2-face even more room to work with. So the long and short of this pretty one-sided fight is 2-face pretty much roflstomps Greenwar around the arena, not having to worry about the disc too much at all and keeping the vert in check with lots of wall slams and hazard trips. Bastien gets some back however near the end of the match when a miscalculation by TurtleBack allows Greenwar to finally get the spinner in, and knock Greenwar ass over teakettle across the arena floor, inverting the brick. Without a wedge to work with inverted, 2-face is a sitting duck. He tries to repeat his previous tactics anyway, but it doesn't matter much because time runs out shortly thereafter, so he can breathe easy.

Aggression: 10-5 2-face
Damage: 8-7 Greenwar
Strategy: 9-6 2-face

2-face wins by a 26-19 judges' decision.

Compound Fracture vs. Powerdrive

Hurray, two writers wrote a fight for this one. And because they both had the same winner, I guess I'll post them both up. :V

(by That Kode Guy)

TBR's plan is admirable, but I'm afraid it just doesn't pan out. He knows he's up against it, unable to really damage Compound Fracture and merely content to try punting the rammer around, but the time Compound Fracture spends within theoretical striking range of the drum on the front of Powerdrive is minimal at best. The amount of time Compound Fracture's forks are underneath Powerdrive, however, is considerable. Not once does TBR even get near the tires, as he intended, but as the end of the match winds down, he's thankful he didn't take too much hazard damage, as the vert-killing end of Compound Fracture combined with Powerdrive's exposed tires means he gets away fairly often. Not too much action in this fight.

Aggression: 9-6 Compound Fracture
Damage: 8-7 Compound Fracture
Strategy: 15-0 Compound Fracture

Compound Fracture wins by a 32-13 judges' decision.

(by Wolf 51-50)

Powerdrive drives aggressively into CF in hopes of a driving error, but to no avail. CF gets under and begins pushing Powerdrive backwards. He begins to drive off and knicks CF in the process. Powerdrive then runs headfirst into CF and just gets under CF. CF gets away, but he does get a pop in the jaw for it's troubles. CF does a decent job getting under Powerdrive, even getting it to the saws at one point, while Powerdrive gets the occasional pop but isn't able to cause much damage to CF. CF keeps trying to push Powerdrive into the pulverizer, but the bot sticks it out and manages to slip away. The fight ends with CF getting one last pin.

Aggression: 9-6 Compound Fracture
Damage: 9-6 Powerdrive
Control: 12-3 Compound Fracture

Compound Fracture wins 27-18



Chieftain vs. Not So Huge

Ok, ok, I see what's happening here
You're face to face with strong armor, and it's strange
You don't even know how you feel
It's terrifying
Well, it's nice to see that spinners never change
Open your eyes, let's begin
Yes, it's really me, it's Chieftain
Take it in
I know it's a lot
The claws, the bot
When you're fighting with an Alex plot
What can I say except, "You FFed"
And the tanks, the pins, the rise
Hey, it's okay, it's okay
You FFed
He probably had a hard week guys
What has two forks and pulled up the huge?
When you were spinning up yea high?
This guy
When the box got hot
Who brought you to the hammers-a-blow?
You're lookin' at him, yo
Oh, also he flipped up the huge
You FFed
To wobble your bot and feel like zhuge
Also he harnessed the blade
You FFed
To stall your start and stop your raid
So what can I say except you FFed
For the body now torn in half
There's no need to pray, it's okay
You FFed
Ha, I guess it's just his way of using time (more wisely)
You FFed
You FFed

And GGs

Chieftain wins by Disney song

Big Boy Flaily vs. Deep Dish Destruction

Oh boy, flail spinner vs. pizza spinner. Let’s go. Code didn’t say what config Deep Dish Destruction’s using, so I flipped a coin between the two with a normal statline and the 5-tooth one won.
This match is short, and violent. Both bots spin up and lumber across the arena. DDD is looking to attack the, uhh… ends of BBF I think? But there’s kind of a weapon in the way.

Said weapon is almost too tall for the Stale Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza that is Deep Dish Destruction. The heads keep bouncing off the top of it. This is not great for DDD, because its self-righting / making sure the box doesn’t crush in on top of it during delivery stick gets bent, mangled, then torn off entirely, and its top is de-pepperoni’d. However, when the weapons clash Deep Dish Destruction has a big advantage in momentum. The flails are brought to a near stop, and Big Boy Flaily takes a SLICE from Deep Dish Destruction. Bam, right through the rear shield, and that thing’s only hanging on by a couple wubbies. Both bots spin back up, but when they come in and hit each other again, BBF’s flails get enough of a vertical knock from bouncing off the top edge of DDD’s shell that they wobble and catch the damaged plow, ripping it off entirely.

Anyway, there’s a few more glancing clashes of flail and shell, but eventually DDD gets inside BBF’s defenses again and tears the underlying cover off, spewing bot parts across the arena. This match is over in three minutes or less or your order’s free!

Your winner by knockout in 1:54, is… King Deep Dish Destruction!… okay fine, just Deep Dish Destruction.

Hartmann's Youkai Bot III vs. Multicrap

Brick vs. spinner fans rejoice I suppose. The fight goes pretty much like you’d expect it to. HYB gets in a lot of hits that don’t do a significant amount of (visual) damage and Multicrap is periodically able to stall the fight by smothering the spinner against a wall, and getting It over the saws on a couple of occasions. At the very least the hits that HYB get in look pretty impressive visually even if they aren’t able to cause enough damage to Multicrap to put it down by KO.

Aggression: 11-4 Multicrap
Damage: 12-3 Hartmann’s Youkai Bot
Strategy: 8-7 Hartmann’s Youkai Bot

Hartmann’s Youkai Bot wins 24-21

Boreas vs. Anyone's Guess

Anyone's Guess charges with the egg. Interesting. Perhaps Drew intends to sacrifice it to some ancient Eldritch gods or whatever. Well it is indeed used as a sacrifical lamb, but instead fed to Boreas' drum, which HFL was not at all expecting. WHAP. Anyone's Guess goes flying over onto its back and the egg goes catapulting away. Awww. Well that was awkward. Drew goes racing away as Boreas comes driving in, but the torque advantage means Anyone's Guess gets far enough away where it can self-right safely. But Boreas has something else targeted - the egg! CRACK. Yeah, it has 10 armour, but it's a fucking 5 lb egg. So it gets smashed to smithereeens. Oops, sorry. I hope you weren't expecting a whole giant egg to come flying at you from behind the Lexan walls. Look how big it is, too. Scale it to Anyone's Guess' size, and then remember that's a superheavyweight robot that weighs 340lbs. It's huge. If that were me in the stands I'd be changing my pants right about now. Anyway without the egg Anyone's Guess is still a formidable opponent, and tanks the incoming drum hits from Boreas like a champ. I mean, except the few times he gets flipped over and has to run away to self-right while Boreas chases him down. Otherwise, Boreas gets a taste of the arena hazards. Which also don't do too much, but it's not like we're letting the hazards decide matches here. Unlike the Crazy Bots arena and its 14 power killsaws. *person whispers into ear* What do you mean Casino Night Zone was overpowered too? The bots had to work for superpowered hazards, you know! And no, they didn't stay that way either. Cue salt from La Valette or whatever. Anyway I don't know why I decided to rant about something that's long since been an issue, but the current match has already ended. Let's tally the damage report. Boreas - scarved underbelly, slightly dented top. Anyone's Guess - destroyed egg, paint chippings off of front wedge and a slightly bent fork. Quick, someone get the judges some coffee, they're gonna need it.

Aggression: 9-6 Anyone's Guess
Damage: 9-6 Boreas
Strategy: 8-7 Anyone's Guess

Anyone's Guess wins by a 23-22 split judges' decision.

Pathos vs. Power Bar

Rammer vs Power spinner shenanigans! Well Power Bar doesn’t have the speed to get around to the sides of Pathos so he has to settle for whatever he can do to the plow during the match. Ultimately, that isn’t very much, but hey, anything is better than nothing right? On the other hand Pathos does a pretty fair job slamming Power Bar most of the time, but maneuvering him to hazards is more challenging. Well you can’t have everything I guess.

Aggression: 13-2 Pathos
Damage: 11-4 Power Bar
Strategy: 10-5 Pathos

Pathos wins 27-18
This account is in a state of dimensional flux

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