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Freshman Fight Card

Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2021 11:20 pm
by Madman
Welcome to FF League

1) Every week, you'll find all of the matches listed here as well as the results.

2) Your strategies will always usually be due Saturday by 11:59 PM EST, though you'll unofficially have until early the next morning. Submit late at your own risk.

3) The word limit is 400. Don't exceed it.

4) Whoever RPs first gets to choose starting squares.

5) The bracket is the final word on all matches, points, and standings. It can be found here.

6) For reference, here is the signup page

7) Fights will mostly be written by me, though Superbomb122 has agreed to help and Jorji's trying his hand at writing too. Thanks to the volunteers.

Good Luck

Freshman Fight Card: Round 1

Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2021 11:31 pm
by Madman
Round One

Welcome to FF League and, for a lot of you, welcome to ARC. Some big written part you probably don't wanna read about what a cool event this'll be and what a great community we are goes here. See? I don't wanna write it either. Cheers. Anyway, it's time to kick this event off. Your week one matches are listed below.

1) Please declare any configuration choices that you are using - if you're not going with a clearly-defined base config - by pinging your opponent on discord no later than Wednesday.

2) RPs are due Saturday, April 24 Tuesday, April 20, at 11:59 PM EST.

3) This round's arena will be Razor's Edge.

4) Good luck.


(1) Black Lagoon vs. (10) Crash Test Granny

Granny starts out looking all pathetic and charming and Sio, being a decent human being, hesitates for just a moment. Or wait. She's just spinning up. Black Lagoon gets its weapon up to speed as Granny inches closer, completely nonthreatening. Then, as if by mutual agreement, the two of them bolt at each other with... uh... 3 speed and 4 speed. Granny's wedge slides right under Black Lagoon and gets chewed to pieces. In fact, tiny little bits of Granny are sprayed across the arena. Thick white smoke billows out of the ruins and the ref quickly calls this one off so that the cleanup crews can come in. As expected, the consensus #1 seed marches on.

Result: Black Lagoon wins by KO at 0:28

(2) Fustercluck II vs. (9) Charlotte: The Astonishing Shelob

You know how there's one fight on every card that gets highlight reeled? This is it. The long and short of it is that both drivers have Guaranteed Clever Strategies™. One wants to angle in using mecanums and deviousness and the other wants to prevent that with a marginal speed edge and the slowest double turrets imaginable.

The second wins this particular battle for over a minute, ineffectually tapping at its opponent with a cool swinging weapon-on-a-stick. It just doesn't have the raw damage-dealing capability to really make an impact, though, and it's not getting the leverage to flip either.

The higher-seeded bot goes sideways and strafes, forcing its opponent to adjust, and gets wedged for its trouble. A nasty trip to the Psycho Exes actually leaves its fragile drive system less-than-perfect. It's still able to hook away from its pursuer, however, and throw caution to the wind. Wedges that have proven very even over the course of a minute and a half meet head on and, this time, the blue and gold bot's win out. Its eldritch horror of an opponent somersaults through the air, landing upside-down and right onto the high seed's still roaring weapon. It finds itself juggled all of the way to the Wild Flings, where it takes a comprehensive pounding and becomes stuck.

The match is halted, Judas Priest is paused, and a bunch of Aussies come in to free the ungainly contraption. Things pick back up... or don't. The newly-freed bot isn't moving right. One side of its drivetrain seems to be out. Its opponent isn't exactly one-hundred percent either, but it's able to come in, deliver a couple of mean hits and a second trip on the Wild Flings and Charlotte: the Astonishing Shelob finally shudders to a stop. Not a moment too soon, because smoke starts seeping out of Fustercluck and DJ has to rush into the arena to take care of the problem.

Result: Fustercluck wins by KO at 2:01

(3) PuriN II vs. (8) Spooky Month

This is it: the big, contentious match of the first round. One of the tournament favourites runs up against a lower ranked hard counter. The buzzer sounds, AC DC starts playing, and this one's underway. Spooky Month rockets across the arena, tires squealing, as PuriN starts to spin up. We're just getting to death hum levels when two things happen. The big spinner slews to the side and starts moving, and Spooky Month slams into it. The sawbot is forced to adjust at the last second and it seems to be struggling for traction. There's a bit of a skid and it doesn't hit as squarely as the driver probably would've liked.

The two bots are spun away from each other, PuriN fleeing for the middle of the arena and trying to spin up again, while Spooky Month hurtles into the drums, being popped up and recovering before long. The match begins to follow a pattern, with PuriN usually almost able to get up to full speed, and Spooky Month just about able to smother it. The sawbot hasn't really had a chance to use its weapon yet, and its wedge is starting to look pretty bad. There are a few chunks and divots torn out of it, and one side looks like it's not being held on by all mountings. Still, the spinner's eaten a few wall slams and barely escaped being flipped by the Wild Flings.

There's more good news, if you're a Spooky Month fan. PuriN ends up dangerously close to the Razor and, in its desperation to be anywhere but there, crosses right into its opponent's path with its weapon at low revs. Spooky Month is able to capitalize, stalling it, slamming it into the wall, and dropping its saw (man, that arm is slow, though). Plenty of sparks fly over the course of a fifteen-second pin, but when Spooky Month is forced to release PuriN, the damage looks mostly superficial. The big spinner is able to get away from the wall and immediately tries to start spinning up, but the sawbot is back on top of it in record time and... they went wedge to wedge. PuriN's wedgelets slide effortlessly under the front of Spooky Month and high-center the quicker bot.

What follows is a sluggish deathspinner shoving its opponent excruciatingly slowly to the Psycho Exes while Spooky Month tries unsuccessfully to wiggle its way free with the saw. Once it's delivered there, the spin direction of the Exes juggles it for a good few seconds while PuriN backs off and finally, really gets that weapon going. An unearthly death howl fills the arena, drowning out the classic rock soundtrack. Why do I hear boss music? Spooky Month valiantly charges off of the Exes and plows head-on into the blade of pink doom, but its already compromised wedge can't take the hit. One entire side comes off, hurtling into the razor and ricocheting off. Both bots are violently spun apart. Spooky Month is fast getting back on top of PuriN, careful to present the remaining half of its wedge, but the deathspinner is able to clip its edge and... Spooky Month survives, but now the remainder of its wedge has maybe one hit left in it.

TurtleBack knows this and guns his bot into PuriN like his life depends on it. The spinner, still at low revs, isn't able to make much of an impact, and takes a ride on the sawbot's wedge until it slips free after a vicious wall slam. Moz immediately goes to his backup plan and uses his wedge. Once again, Spooky Month is high-centered. With the clock winding down, PuriN pushes it to the Wild Flings. It comes back down, one wheel badly chewed up, with only seconds remaining and right into that terrifying weapon. Chunks of Spooky Month go flying, including the last bit of its wedge, but there's no chance for PuriN to capitalize. The big spinner roflcopters into the Psycho Exes and Spooky Month is still moving - barely - when the buzzer sounds. This one's going to the judges and I wouldn't want to be them (except I kinda am).

Damage: 6-1 PuriN II
Aggression: 5-2 Spooky Month
Control: 4-3 Spooky Month

Result: PuriN II wins an 11-10 split decision

(4) Tiamat vs. (7) Green Eggs & Slam

For some reason, this feels a bit like a grudge match. It's also not a good match for Green Eggs & Slam, sadly for the rookie, but Nick has some tricks up his sleeve, and they include the meanest drivetrain in the tournament. He puts it to use the very millisecond that the buzzer sounds. Motley Crue screams out across the arena and so does Green Eggs & Slam, closing the distance to Tiamat in mere seconds. It wheelies hard because of the extra weight at the back, but some sudden deceleration because of an arena seam brings its front down just before the two bots make contact and, unlikely as it seems, the rookie slides beneath the veteran and absolutely labels it into the wall. Quick to press its advantage and eager to get Tiamat's weapon slowed (since it avoided any actual contact), the rookie tries to steer the veteran into the Psycho Exes. It comes within inches of doing so before Tiamat manages to hook free.

Dylan drives his weapon aggressively into Green Eggs & Slam's exposed flank, and the bright green bot does a lazy barrel roll, clattering to the ground more or less upright and... right onto Tiamat's drisc again before it can settle! The spinner juggles its opponent, Aftershock-style a couple more times before its kinetic energy is spent. Miraculously, after the sequence is over, Green Eggs & Slam is on its wheels. Not wasting time, it goes to wedge Tiamat once more, but slides up the team Ignition entry's generally better wedge until it sticks in under the weapon. In a pushing competition, Tiamat is completely outmatched, and is rapidly shoved backwards toward the Wild Flings until he hooks away. The drums manage to just clip one of his rear wheels, though not much happens except for a bit of shredded tire. Green Eggs & Slam happens, though! It manages to angle in, get beneath Tiamat, and the favourite takes a big ride on the Wild Flings, suffering a litany of dents and scuffs.

When It comes back down, the rookie is in its face yet again! Dylan manages to make a slight adjustment, however, and this time, Tiamat gains the upper hand. It's weapon isn't quite at full speed, but in manages a messy sort of diagonal flip and now Green Eggs & Slam is upside-down. Tiamat gets underneath, weapon revving low, and juggles it onto the Exes once and almost a second time before it shimmies free. Nick responds by shoving his bot's thwack tail into the vertical spinner. It takes all of the momentum from the weapon but fails to flip him back over. Tiamat's underneath again, though, and Green Eggs & Slam is high-centered on its tail. The veteran dumps the rookie onto the Exes again and they pop him loose after a few seconds.

This also allows Tiamat to get up to speed again, and it goes aggressively for its opponent. Nick matadors that big black and red ball of nasty, though, and circles Tiamat, waiting for an opening. The bad news is that it fails, maybe a bit overeager. The good news is that the subsequent hit - which makes it literally do a 540, rights it. Even better, it lands at an angle to its opponent and plows into its side with bonebreaking force. With 30 seconds left in the match, Tiamat is driven into the fully-lowered Razor, less than a foot from the arena floor and bounces up. For a moment, one wheel hooks itself over the edge and Green Eggs & Slam backs up to deliver the coup de grace. The veteran breaks free, however, dodging its opponent and executing a rapid gyro-lift turn, Minotaur style. The two bots go head to head and Green Eggs & Slam gets absolutely launched. The lexan ripples with the impact and it crashes to the floor, inches from the Razor. Tiamat is there for the follow-up, but the buzzer sounds and the judges take out their scorecards.

Damage: 3-2 Tiamat
Aggression: 4-3 Green Eggs & Slam
Control: 4-3 Tiamat

Result: Tiamat wins a 10-9 split decision

(5) Jack vs. (6) Crime Scene

Alright, so the buzzer sounds and Def Leppard starts playing and we've got two wiseguys who uh... don't wanna fight. Crime Scene is all like, "ah, I know what a canny strategy would be: wait for your enemy to come to you! - Sun Tzu or whoever kek." Jack is like, "YKW? I'm gonna outsmart the other guy by making him come to me. Bet no one's ever thought of that before."

If eighties hair rock could sigh in frustration, trust you me, it would be doing so right now. We get a standoffish first twenty seconds with both drivers going, "u first" - "no u" - "no u" - "no u bithc!" - "I dare u" - "no I dare U" - "I double dare u" - "I dee-double dare u come on jus do sumthin". You can just feel the tension, or maybe it's the skinny jeans I'm wearing. I washed them and they shrunk and I don't have the money to throw away a perfectly good pair of jeans, tbh.

Right, there's a 'fight' happening. Jack is making 'bait passes'. Crime Scene is... not really falling for them. We're almost at thirty seconds and the Razor is about to drop and Jack just goes for it, trying to angle in. Crime Scene's lurking in the corner, but he really wants to shove it in the Glory Hole and time is running out.

The good news for the flipper is that it forces its opponent to turn at the last second. There's a bit of gyroscopic lift and Jack's driver is just way happier than anyone should be about something like that. The police-themed bot goes hard into the corner and slides up the sloped barrier into the lexan with a resounding crash. It comes down awkwardly and tries to back off, but Jack's right on its tail. Crime Scene drives a kind of weird circuit, trying to avoid at once the Wild Flings, being jammed up against the wall, and having its back to the Razor as we approach thirty seconds. Spoilers: it doesn't succeed.

Jack's able to scoop it up and stay under it and HERE WE GO right for the Glory Hole! Is he gonna hit pay dirt!? Lol no. we're at thirty seconds, the Razor lowers, and Jack misses out on the Edgelord achievement by inches. Sad. Jorji takes out his frustration by flipping Crime Scene into the Razor a couple of times. The first just ricochets it off. The second actually overturns it. Cue a montage of the spinner being relentlessly harassed as it just tries to self-right already ffs. It eventually succeeds, Jack is a bit slow in adjusting course, and it ends up right on top of Crime Scene's wedge. Luckily for it, the weapon isn't spun up, so it just gets lightly flicked away, takes a brief trip on the Psycho Exes (which do nothing to it because 'lol 13 armour') and comes back on the attack.

Now, however, Crime Scene is exactly where it wants to be, after being completely dominated for the opening minute of the match. The Razor sinks another foot and the vertical spinner is sitting pretty close to one of the corners of the arena, front facing the OOTA zone and all spun up. There is no way that Jack goes straight at it.

Fast forward twenty seconds of abortive angling-in attempts and Jack messes up, getting absolutely chucked backwards. The angle's not right for a follow-up attack though, and after zipping a few feet out of the corner, Crime Scene goes no further. Jack is... actually kind of in trouble. With such a low-powered weapon and short stroke, it sort of flops around like a fish before finally getting itself back over, possibly with some help from the Wild Flings.

Smelling blood, Crime Scene is there to collect its bounty. A spectacular hit sends Jack bouncing off of the lexan and it comes down - thankfully - right side up. Crime Scene, rushing in, gets caught and flicked backwards, right into the flings, which rough it up pretty badly and leave it upside-down. Jack is on it some more, interfering with its self-righting - that self-righter actually looks bent. The flipper scoops up its opponent, and with less than a minute remaining on the clock, slams it with phenomenal power into the razor. The sheer kinetic energy and the angle is almost enough to send Crime Scene out, and there's a little flip in there that helps too. If the Razor had been one foot lower, this one would be over.

And then it happens. We're at the thirty second mark. The Razor drops further, to only one foot high. Crime Scene comes down on its wheels and desperately jukes out of the way. Jack stops it, gets under, and plows it into the exes. Chunks of tire rubber sprinkle out as the hazards juggle the rookie bot. Its weapon still wailing at full tilt, it comes down, executes a quick - and probably not wholly intentional - gyro turn and ends up facing its opponent just as Jack comes in once more.

WHAM!!! Jack's back isn't really to the wall. It's at a pretty safe-looking angle, but it's close and that spinner has some power. The match clock ticks down below ten, Jack somersaults through the air, hits the top of the Razor, and tips over. It lands on the other side with eight seconds left, robbed at the eleventh hour in a match that it was easily winning up to that point. Sometimes, if you roll the dice enough on a near-sure thing, the 'near' comes into play, I guess.

Result: Crime Scene wins by OOTA at 2:52

Crime Scene has earned the achievement 'A Close Shave'

Freshman Fight Card: Round 2

Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2021 11:34 pm
by Madman
Round Two

Welcome back to FF League. I bet most of you didn't think you were getting a two for one week, didya? Well, I'm just full of surprises, and so is ARC. Honestly, thanks to everyone for being so involved and enthusiastic and getting your shit in early. It allows us to do this. Anyways, no more BS. Your round two matches are listed below.

1) Please declare any configuration choices that you are using - if you're not going with a clearly-defined base config - by pinging your opponent on discord no later than Thursday.

2) RPs are due Saturday, April 24, at 11:59 PM EST.

3) This round's arena will be The Noir. Be advised that the hazards in this arena do not work on the damage scale that other arenas' do. They just do whatever amount of damage that they say they do.

4) Good luck.


(1) Black Lagoon - 1-0 vs. (2) Fustercluck II - 1-0

DJ is adamant about breaking a losing streak to Sio in this match and thinks that Fustercluck has a pretty good chance. Let's see if that holds true. Well, for starters, there's a lot of cute maneuvering between mecanum-wheeled bots. Black Lagoon doesn't seem to have much in the way of gyroscopic lift to deal with, but it definitely isn't the quickest turner. Fustercluck's weapon doesn't seem to have much oomph to it, which seems to help in that regard if not others.

First blood eventually goes to the sophomore, as it manages to slide its flipper beneath one of those Black Lagoon Arms. What happens as a result is a bunch of weird floppiness, the Interrobang Robotics entry driving kind of on its side halfway across the arena, and a low-powered follow-up hit by Fustercluck that leaves a bit of a buckle in that thin armour plating of Black Lagoon but not much more.

Fustercluck is back on the attack before long, as both bots spin up. It tries to have another go with the flipper and gets under successfully this time, but Black Lagoon's drum catches the golden bot's wedge teeth just as it's firing. There's a shower of sparks, a ruined tooth, and Black Lagoon doing the funky chicken again. This time, it lands upside down and gets chained by Fustercluck. Things go from bad to worse when a roller comes off of one of the wheels and Sio's bot ends up on top of a fatale, turning it green.

It's driving still not visibly affected, the dual drum spinner races off and manages to straight up matador an overeager charge from Fustercluck. It strafes back in and there's more inconclusive maneuvering until Fustercluck's wedge slides under one of Black Lagoon's arms again. Sio backs off, rushes in, and it's quick enough that the flipper bot is caught less-than-ready. A massive impact hurls the two bots apart and both take a while to recover, resetting at more or less neutral.

Fustercluck continues its angling in tactic and gets under once more and... it misfires! Black Lagoon gets away! The sophomore bucks back violently from the unrestrained power of that flip, and Black Lagoon darts in, its drum teeth gaining clean purchase on the underside of that wedge. They say that chickens can't fly, but Fustercluck takes flight nonetheless, doing a full 360 and landing upright. There's a concerned look on DJ's face and the bot leads with its drisc instead of its noticeably warped flipper now.

The two of them go weapon to weapon and both find themselves punted way back. Despite landing on a fatale and turning it green, Fustercluck is quicker to recover and goes on the attack once more. It strafes around while Black Lagoon struggles to keep up, and delivers a shot to one of the drum spinner's weapon supports. It skitters backwards, making a weird sound, but manages to keep going. Their next meeting seems to be following a similar pattern until Black Lagoon manages to get one of its wedge arms well and truly stuck under its opponent. Fustercluck seems well and truly high centered, but it looks like that clutch flipper is toast, or it would've been fired already. Slowly, arduously, Black Lagoon uses this as a pivot point. DJ revs Fustercluck's weapon, hoping to oscillate the bot free, and manages to do it a half-second before that deadly drum plows into the side of her bot.

The hit is devastating. A side panel hurtles into the ceiling, taking out one of the lights. Bits of a mecanum wheel rain down across The Noir. Fustercluck lands upside-down, skitters into an arena sidewall, and doesn't quite manage to flip itself upright. For its part, Black Lagoon bounces around out of control, throws another roller across the arena, and starts smoking. The already-damaged drum grinds to a halt with a sickening noise, but the Interrobang Robotics entry is still driving - just - and its opponent isn't.

Result: Black Lagoon wins by KO at 2:03

(3) Crime Scene - 1-0 vs. (4) Tiamat - 1-0

This one's standoffish from the start, with both bots approaching the Crooked Cop and hoping that their opponent will make the first move. It looks a little bit like this:


Long story short, they play some cute little positioning games and Tiamat gets smacked. It lands upside-down, but there doesn't appear to be any damage, and Crime Scene has a difficult time following up with any effect. Its weapon is at low revs and Dylan isn't stupid. He manages to line the upside-down Tiamat up with its opponent and the bots go head to head. Fr a second time in this young match, the Team Ignition entry is flung backwards, and it lands right-side up. Cue a wakkity-sax montage of Crime Scene trying to tap dat sweet sweet ass while Tiamat tries to outmaneuver it. Dylan's eventually able to get away using the Crooked Cop, just as it retracts into the floor.

The two bots reset at equal, both trying to get the other to turn and gyro lift or oversteer. With a longer chassis and 4WD, however, Tiamat seems the less likely to do it. Crime Scene appears to be trying to make up the difference by operating at lower revs. The Team Ignition bot makes its angle-in maneuver way too early and Crime Scene is able to adjust, but mid-adjustment, it lifts just a tiny bit. This is apparently all the opening that Tiamat needs. It rushes forward, Crime Scene is back down, and the bots impact at a slight angle, both chucking each other back, though the rookie seems to take the worst of it, nearly nearly tipping over backwards. The veteran is back on the attack immediately, but Crime Scene has settled and all that comes of it is another impact that sends it sailing backwards more than up and over.

Crime Scene backs off before a third hit, taking some time to spin up a bit more, and presents its front to the onrushing Tiamat. Dylan makes a subtle adjustment to avoid going head to head with those long forks, and Crime Scene is forced to turn. It darts in, revving up its weapon, but the disc still isn't quite at full power when the bots meet. The impact is impressive nonetheless. Tiamat does a full 360, landing back on its wheels at a slight angle. Crime Scene adjusts course, wheels lifting a bit on one side, and Tiamat comes in this time. Crime Scene goes over!!

Its disc hits the floor and it rapidly skids halfway across the arena, rebounding off a fatale and into a new direction. Tiamat tries to adjust to follow, but it experiences just enough wheel lift to delay it. Crime Scene is able to self-right, but that's about all that it can do before Tiamat is back. A massive hit sends the rookie hurtling once more. Its weapon hits the floor at just the right angle to immediately pop it back upright, but... it's missing a wedge tooth!! The veteran smells blood and comes in once more, but Dylan's a bit overconfident and Tiamat eats it for his eagerness.

There isn't enough kinetic energy in the low-power shot to deal any damage, but Tiamat has been flipped over and is perilously close to one of the low walls. Crime Scene attempts to follow up, and it scores another nice hit, tearing a small chunk out of one of Tiamat's wheelguards, but it also rights its opponent in the process and the Team Ignition bot jets away. What follows is more circling and posturing and angling. Tiamat comes hard after Crime Scene's wedgeless side and the rookie backs off. Tiamat turns in, however, and despite some wheel lift, scores a direct hit on the rookie's chassis. A long, shallow scar is torn in its armour and both bots are popped backwards. Crime Scene recovers first, scoring a nice counter shot that flings Tiamat backwards, but the veteran is able to avoid a follow-up and instead, gets cleanly underneath.


Crime Scene does about a 270, bounces around a bit, and lands inverted. Tiamat delivers a vicious follow-up and manages to snowball its opponent into the already-green fatale. The hazard doesn't do much aside from sending Crime Scene squirreling away and turning yellow. Tiamat's weapon is at low revs now, and Dylan revs it up as he tries to reach the rookie. Crime Scene is able to self right in the nick of time, and it only takes a glancing blow.

The remainder of the match follows a similar pattern, with Tiamat nearly getting flipped and losing its centre wedge tooth in the dying seconds, but going even with the rookie for the remainder and managing to snowball it one more time. This is not going to be an easy decision for our judges.

Damage: 3-2 Tiamat
Aggression: 3-2 Crime Scene
Control: 4-3 Tiamat

Result: Tiamat wins a 9-8 split decision

(5) PuriN II - 1-0 vs. (7) Green Eggs & Slam - 0-1

Deathspinner, meet BIG WEJ. The moment that the opening tone sounds, Green Eggs & Slam is off like a bullet, hurtling straight for PuriN II while the spinner urgently tries to get its weapon up to speed. It looks like it doesn't have even the slightest chance, but then the speedy wedge does something a bit daft. Instead of trying to avoid the Crooked Cop, smack in the middle of the arena, Green Eggs & Slam drives right onto it. It skips up, slews to one side, and spins out. PuriN jukes the opposite way, trying to keep the central obstacle between it and its opponent.

A low, menacing death hum fills the arena and builds to an unearthly howl. PuriN finds space and... starts moving forward. It's not often you see one of these big spinners take the initiative like that, but Green Eggs & Slam is happy to oblige. It sets itself straight and charges right into its opponent's blade.


There's a spectacular collision and a massive shower of sparks. A chunk of metal pings off of the ceiling - it's one of Green Eggs' wedge teeth and a small chunk of the wedge with it. Whew lad! PuriN's been eating its spinach, lemme tell you. That is a seriously powerful weapon. Of course, there are other casualties too. The wedge is flung away with violent force, smacking into the arena barrier and bouncing around until it settles back on its wheels. That's nothing compared to what PuriN does, however. The big pink bot goes absolutely berserk, flinging itself into a corner, completely out of control, and then another. It comes to rest, back facing its opponent, weapon basically stopped. The fatale in that corner turns green.

Two things happen: PuriN runs the hell away and starts spinning up, and Green Eggs & Slam is after it like a bloodhound. The subsequent impact pales in comparison to the first one, however. The spinner, going at about two-thirds power, is popped back and coins a bit. The wedge is spun about 180 degrees and skids a couple feet. PuriN is dangerously close to that same fatale, and within three seconds, is shoved into it. The floor spinner turns yellow and chucks the bot back out with some sparks. Nick is less than happy that the hazard doesn't really allow him to pin his opponent in the corner, but hey, it makes up for that by doing actual damage, and more each time.

Cue the montage. This is the part of the climactic fight where the villain kicks the crap out of the hero for a while before the hero miraculously finds a way to turn it around right in the eleventh hour! You know, or not. A couple more shoves onto the fatale and it's up to red. PuriN gets flung violently away and a wheel squirts out the bottom of its chassis. Green Eggs & Slam has a bit of ground to cover in order to reach it, and the usually-steady wedge actually oversteers, courtesy, maybe of that big thwack tail. The spinner actually starts building some kinetic energy, even though it isn't exactly driving right anymore. There's a big collision and the two bots are thrown apart. There's a sizable gash in Green Eggs' big wedge now, and PuriN ricochets into a wall.

Nick is right back at it, though. Not five seconds later, the two bots meet wedge to wedge. PuriN actually wins out, but with its already slow drivetrain compromised, it can't really push its opponent anywhere and Green Eggs & Slam eventually squirms off after twenty seconds of the clock tick by. The spinner suffers for this by being delivered into another fatale, and there's not much it can do. I could go on with the play by play but, to be honest, it's more of the same for the remainder of the fight. Green Eggs & Slam's wedge is in a sorry state by the end and is actually buckled into one of its wheels, making it difficult to drive straight at full speed. PuriN's just as bad, though. It actually loses its other back wheel to a red fatale and is reduced to 2WD for the final twenty seconds of the fight, but the ending tone sounds, and it's still moving - just. Judges?

Damage: 4-3 PuriN II
Aggression: 5-2 Green Eggs & Slam
Control: 6-1 Green Eggs & Slam

Result: Green Eggs & Slam wins a 14-7 judge's decision

(6) Spooky Month - 0-1 vs. (8) Crash Test Granny - 0-1

This looks like a mismatch from the start. The opening tone sounds and Spooky Month absolutely labels poor old Granny into one of the fatales, which turns green. It backs off, charges in again, and ends up stuck on Granny's wedge. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Mayfly turns things around on his opponent and this time it's Spooky Month taking a ride on the now-yellow fatale. The Team ShellShockers bot wins the next wedge battle and Crash Test Granny gets absolutely battered by that same fatale, which now turns orange. It's spun free, the bots are separated, and Spooky Month starts to come in for another slam, but Granny doesn't seem to be moving anymore.

Children, this is why you should answer your grandmother's phone calls and 'like' her facebook posts. She can be taken from you at any moment and then you'll regret not spending the time with her. The count begins and Spooky Month circles, starting a victory spin as it reaches 7... 8... 9... Granny comes back to life!!! The curmudgeonly old bitch does it! Children, this does not happen in real life. What I said earlier still stands.

What's more, the brilliant sneak attack works! Crash Test Granny is able to wedge Spooky Month and the sawbot is stuck on there and unceremoniously plowed into the now-red fatale! I swear this whole match has pretty much taken place in a phone booth. Spooky Month is violently flung away. One of its side skirts is torn loose, clattering across the arena, and it looks like a wheel is damaged!

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Mayfly drives Granny forward yet again. It scoops Spooky Month up and starts driving it with surprising speed - those wheelchair motors must have a ton of torque - towards another fatale. Granny's odyssey out of the retirement home is nearly at an end when Spooky month has just had enough. It jars itself free by wiggling its saw up and down, pivots, and scoops Granny up. The two bots are now locked in a pushing match and they are one hundred percent evenly matched in this regard. The smell of burning rubber fills the arena, but there's another element to this struggle: Spooky Month drops the saw. Granny is either too proud or too senile to back off and it makes quick work of her flimsy armour and cuts deep into her chassis. With only a couple of seconds remaining on the pin timer, thick white smoke begins billowing from the slain senior. She's not moving anymore, but just in case, Spooky Month hangs around nearby, wary of another trick until the countout reaches ten.

Result: Spooky Month wins by KO at 1:49

(9) Charlotte: The Astonishing Shelob - 0-1 vs. (10) Jack - 0-1

At the start of the match, neither bot seems especially eager to fight. Charlotte bashfully holds her spinner behind her back like a bouquet of roses waiting for a lover. Jack... boops a fatale. It turns green. Jack boops it again and it turns yellow and sends the flipper skidding back a foot or two. The Team Eagle bot is on its way to a second fatale by the time that Charlotte really has a go at it. This hazard reaches green, Jack backs off, and Jack gets wedged. From the rear. It tries to escape by bucking itself loose with the flipper but, in the immortal words of Cassie (describing Santangelo), its flipper has all the power of "an anaemic wasp opening and shutting the door in place of an actual weapon" and it remains firmly fixed in place and unceremoniously shoved back into the hazard, which turns yellow.

This time, Jack makes a clean break, boops a third fatale, and evades a second charge by Charlotte: The Astonishing Shelob. The rookie flipper makes a beeline for the fourth hazard and turns it green, attempting to matador Charlotte as she charges in again. The ungainly contraption is able to catch a corner of its sleeker opponent, however, and Jack skids away awkwardly. The two of them meet wedge to wedge, the flipper gets under, and Charlotte pops up and coins a bit before coming back down. Jack uses the opportunity to get one of the two remaining green fatales up to yellow. They re-engage and, this time, the Questionable Strategies entry is able to swing its weapon into Jack's side.

Now, this thing pretty much has armour made of unobtanium, and it shows. There's little more than some scratched paint and sparks, but the impact does fling the black and red bot a few feet to the side and comes almost close to tipping it. Jack rushes for the last fatale and turns it yellow as Charlotte regains its traction. Sadly, it pays immediately for its boldness by being punted into that hazard and taking a large ding to its front wedge. Jack recovers quickly, though, scoops up its opponent, and the grand tour begins.

For practical reasons, Charlotte goes straight back into the now-orange spinner nearby, and to devastating effect. The ungainly machine is tossed aside like so much scrap, one of its many wedges badly warped and its rotating armour shell sitting uneven. Jack is on it like a pitbull. Charlotte is shoved towards one of the yellow fatales with surprising speed, but in the nick of time, smacks itself free using its weapon. No matter. Jack scoops it up again and plows it into the hazard. More metal is warped and shredded and there's a brief puff of smoke.

Jorji has found that long run-ups between hazards give Charlotte more chances to buck itself free with its weapon, so he opts to scoop it up and send it back into that same fatale: now orange. His wedge loses out, however, and he's forced to quickly hook away, taking a pop in the side and again nearly going over. Jack is back within moments, however, despite Charlotte's attempts to maneuver away. A trip to the orange fatale violently separates the two bots, and... is that... Charlotte spits out a wheel! Wait! She doesn't have wheels. That must be one of the rollers from her tracks!

Somehow, she's still going, but the formerly small gap between the two bots' respective drivetrains is much larger now. Jack does the scooping thing again, Charlotte flails with the spinner and... Jack goes hard into the side wall! He's stacked there: propped against it! Charlotte bumbles over, spinning up, but the Team Eagle bot fires its flipper and just manages to free itself. It eats a second hit for its troubles, though, and that area on its side that's been taking all of these hits is starting to look a bit dinged up. Jack squirts away from danger, resets, and completes its mission to wedge Charlotte and dump her on the next yellow fatale. This time, a damaged wedge comes straight off. Smoke starts curling out of the turret bot's chassis. Jack ruthlessly plows her into the orange hazard and a second wedge is torn off. The rotating shell seems badly warped now, and it doesn't look like it can even turn anymore.

The turret and weapon, however, still work. With the clock winding down, Jack scoops the Astonishing Shelob up once more and begins driving it towards the final hazard. Really, if Jorji just let it go, I'm not entirely convinced it could even move anymore. Anyways, he pays for his achievement hunting by taking another vicious shot from that spinning blade and Jack's armour has had enough. Charlotte's weapon - through sheer accumulation of hits - has embedded itself in there. Well... that actually kind of works out for Jack. It shoves the struggling bot into the final non-red fatale and that's it. Jack breaks free as a length of track snakes out from Charlotte's chassis along with copious amounts of smoke. The weapon seems to be losing speed too. Jack comes back in, but its opponent clearly isn't moving. The referees begin the countout, but maybe gratuitously, the Team Eagle bot pushes her into the orange hazard before letting the countdown conclude. The fatale turns red, but the ending tone sounds just before Charlotte can be counted out. The outcome is a foregone conclusion, but we're going to the judges.

Damage: 6-1 Jack
Aggression: 5-2 Jack
Control: 5-2 Jack

Result: Jack wins a 16-5 judge's decision

Jack (Team Eagle) has earned the achievement 'Bloody Sunday'

Freshman Fight Card: Round 3

Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2021 3:51 pm
by Madman
Round Three

Welcome back to FF League. After squeezing two rounds into our first week, let's take our feet off the gas a little bit and enjoy the ride. Thanks to everyone for being so involved and enthusiastic. We're completely forfeit-free two rounds into the event, and that's rare. Anyways, no more talking. Your round three matches are listed below.

1) Please declare any configuration choices that you are using - if you're not going with a clearly-defined base config - by pinging your opponent on discord no later than Thursday.

2) RPs are due Saturday, May 1, at 11:59 PM EST.

3) This round's arena will be The Grid.

4) Good luck.


(1) Black Lagoon - 2-0 vs. (2) Tiamat - 2-0

Here it is: the big dance. The last two undefeated bots face off for the top seed as we approach the midway point of our tournament. From the moment that both veterans spin up, this one is all about those little arm wedges of Black Lagoon. Sio is determined to use them to high-centre Tiamat, and Dylan is just as determined to angle in on them and rip them off.

The first meeting is inconclusive. Surprisingly, Tiamat is actually able to get the angle, but Black Lagoon strafes free before the arm can get mulched and threatens its opponent's side before Tiamat wisely backs away. There's more circling. Neither bot gives a damn about the hazards. Both have the weapon power to end this fight and they know it. Dylan thinks he sees an opening and Tiamat darts in again, but he's forced to adjust course and there's some wheel lift and...

Like a spatula sliding beneath a pancake, it's a thing of beauty. That little arm gets in under Tiamat and Black Lagoon hooks right into its side, drums wailing at full crank.


Tiamat and pieces of metal go flying end over end. The Team Ignition bot somehow lands right-side up, its side panel cleanly amputated and bulkhead exposed. Somehow, it's still moving, and spinning. Black Lagoon squirrels away, slamming into a wall and struggling to recover from the force of its own hit. Tiamat spins up, Dylan completely unfazed, and comes in again, favouring its undamaged side. It lifts just enough again that Black Lagoon pounces. This time, however, Dylan's reflexes are up to the task and Tiamat jets away before his opponent's murderously powerful drum can strike true.

There's more circling. More tension. You get the sense that either bot could end this fight with one hit. Then, Tiamat stops. Black Lagoon over-strafes momentarily. Dylan pulls a switchback, risking his already-damaged side. This man has watermelons for balls, folks. After a brief snap of gyro lift, Tiamat comes down on all four wheels, gets under Black Lagoon's other arm, and...


The metallic limb is amputated cleanly, warping its mounting and the chassis around it. Black Lagoon does a diagnonal barrel roll and lands right-side up, but Tiamat is on its case quickly. A followup hit goes mostly weapon-to-weapon, but it looks like it glances a mounting and Tiamat has the leverage. For the first time in this tournament, the Interrobang Robotics entry is in real trouble. It goes flying, skittering into the Light Cycles but thankfully hitting one of the bulkheads between them.

Tiamat closes in for the kill, but it just can't make up the ground fast enough. Moving a bit less than optimally and letting out an awful grating from one of its drums, Black Lagoon strafes away from this charge and comes in with one of its own, which the Team Ignition entry barely escapes. Sio switches tactics, aggressively shoving Black Lagoon's remaining wedge arm into her opponent's face. Dylan can't resist the prospect of ripping that annoying thing off and goes for it, but Black Lagoon sweeps in toward Tiamat's side and he rapidly backs away.

Too slow. A somewhat glancing hit tears off a wedgelet and peels up the corner of Tiamat's wedge. The spinner gyrodances for a moment, out of control, but Black Lagoon isn't quite able to capitalize. They reset to neutral, try the same dance again, and... whew! There's a bit of unexpected wheel scrub from Black Lagoon - probably due to earlier damage - and Tiamat's able to score big. There goes the second arm. 'Tis but a scratch! Black Lagoon somersaults, Tiamat charges in, and scores a direct hit to its baseplate. That flips the Interrobang Robotics bot over and the damage is visible for all to see. It's... actually not catastrophic. The weapon must've been at less than full revs on the followup hit. frankly, it's amazing that both bots are still going. This is Deathroll vs Endgame levels of brutal.

With no arms left on Black Lagoon, the two bots are forced to go head to head, and that's just bad for Tiamat's wedge. A huge chunk of it flies off on their next meeting, and both bots are hurled away. Tiamat is the faster to recover, but a twisted sliver of metal is grating against its drum, causing an awful sound until it clatters away on the next weapon-to-weapon contact. Black Lagoon's leading drum doesn't sound any better. It seems to almost be... wobbling.

Then... what's this? Tiamat has started smoking! This is not good. Black Lagoon seems less than eager to close the distance, maybe just waiting for its opponent to die, but Dylan drives his bot forward with a sense of urgency, colliding head on with Black Lagoon in a "wintess me!" moment.


There's a shower of parts and something pummels the lexan with phenomenal force. It's Black Lagoon's drum!! Its mounting must've been damaged and it came straight off. Tiamat, meanwhile, is upside down and still smoking. Its weapon is dead, but it's still moving gamely enough. This is it. Can Black Lagoon come in and deliver the coup de grace with its remaining weapon!?

Turns out... no. Black Lagoon isn't moving. One side of its drivetrain is working and the wheels are spinning, but that last hit must've warped its chassis so badly that it's not able to get any traction. The referee begins a count. Then Tiamat bumps into a wall and goes still.

6... 7... 8... 9...
1... 2... 3... 4...

By five seconds, Tiamat outlasts the heavily-favoured Black Lagoon to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.

Result: Tiamat wins by KO at 2:40

(3) Spooky Month - 1-1 vs. (4) Crime Scene - 1-1

Well, this fight starts and there's no box rush. For what it's worth, Crime Scene doesn't seem that interested in spinning up to full power anyways. Long story short, there's a cute little dance somewhere between the middle of the arena and the Light Cycles, with both blushing lovers not wanting to meet head-on. Well, someone has to win out and, eventually, it's Crime Scene. Spooky Month oversteers a bit, Crime Scene clips it and tosses it upside-down.

The police-themed bot wait a moment before following up, trying to spin up to high revs, but Spooky Month self-rights and the next hit is only glancing as it jets away. Rinse and reset. Crime Scene tries the same thing again, just with its weapon at slightly higher revs, and pays the price. Spooky Month gets under cleanly and charges toward the Light Cycles, Crime Scene stuck on ts wedge. The vert manages to hook off with less than a foot to spare, and goes straight into Spooky Month's front corner, disc wailing at full power. The Team ShellShockers bot does a spectacular somersault, landing on its rear and backing off quickly. Crime Scene is there to follow up, however, and it gets punted into the lexan, which ripples alarmingly.

Spooky Month comes down on top of Crime Scene, its wedge noticeably battered, and eats a couple of low-power hits until the spinner runs out of energy. Crime Scene carefully maneuvers it into the Light Cycles where it takes a further ride. Eventually, the sawbot manages to get free, and it avoids an overeager charge from Crime Scene. Taking advantage of some gyro lift, it finally slips its wedge under, executes a quick turn, and drives its less mobile opponent onto the Light Cycles. The Team CSI bot takes an awful beating, being juggled for nearly fifteen seconds before ending up on the small ledge behind the hazards, upside-down. It doesn't have a lot of choice. It self-rights and tumbles down, riding the hazards once again and ending up on its wheels at the bottom, a handful of small chunks and divots carved out of its armour and one of its wedge forks looking less-than-great.

Spooky Month immediately comes in, wedges it, and drops the saw. Caught in its embrace, Crime Scene does the only thing that it can do: it spins up to full power. Spooky Month's saw makes contact with one of its opponent's mock up warning flashers, and cuts through like a hot knife through butter. It's just at the point where it's good and stuck in, when Crime Scene gains some traction on the floor and pivots. There's an awful grating noise, and then...


Disc, meet saw arm. Spooky Month is violently wrenched free and sent over sideways. It waggles its saw, tips upside-down, and is in the process of self-righting when Crime Scene comes in for a follow-up hit. Again, the sawbot is sent flying. Crime Scene is right after it. It takes a third hit! Now we're closer to the OOTA zone than we've been at any point during the match. A fourth hit comes in, but that weapon's losing some steam. Spooky Month gets away just on time. There's more maneuvering, and the faster bot wins out, angling in on Crime Scene's janky, damaged wedge tooth. The spinner tries to hook away, but Spooky Month is able to follow its movements and label it into a wall. The damaged wedgelet clatters free and both bots spin up their weapons. The saw - at a bit of an angle from the previous hit that it took, bites into Crime Scene for a second time, throwing up a fantastic shower of sparks. The vertical disc... has nowhere to go. Crime Scene's up against the wall. There's no hooking away this time. Spooky Month bites in deeper, the little flashing lights go dead, and then... what's this? Crime Scene is using its self-righting arm to push itself free of the wall! It's able to get a bit of traction and...


Spooky Month flies again. It lands right-side up this time, but its saw arm is severely bent. Crime Scene charges forward and lands a followup hit. Spooky Month bounces off the bulletproof glass, comes down, and eats a third hit. Crime Scene tries to reposition to chain Spooky Month towards the OOTA zone, but the sawbot is too quick and it escapes. With the clock winding down, we go back to where we started, with the two bots cautiously trying to avoid the other's front. Spooky Month is able to take advantage of that missing wedgelet on Crime Scene and... Crime Scene's chassis wedge still gets under. The tip of Spooky Month's wedge is all peeled up from those multiple hits it took, and it's struggling to get under anything. With just over twenty seconds left on the clock, it's getting snowballed towards the OOTA zone. Will this be eleventh-hour deliverance for Crime Scene!?

No. Spooky Month bounces back off the wall and is able to get some traction and hook away. With a couple of seconds left on the clock, it actually angles in and gets under its opponent, but is unable to drop the saw - which looks warped in any case - because that arm is completely jammed. The buzzer sounds and we go to the judges.

Damage: 5-2 Crime Scene
Aggression: 4-3 Crime Scene
Control: 4-3 Spooky Month

Result: Crime Scene wins a 12-9 judges' decision

Crime Scene has earned the achievement 'Great Escape'

(5) Green Eggs & Slam - 1-1 vs. (6) Fustercluck II - 1-1

At the start, Green Eggs & Slam proves itself nothing if not gentlemanly, generously allowing Fustercluck to get up to speed. DJ thanks him kindly. So sportsmanship, much heartwarming. Anyway, there's some wedge dancing and, eventually, Green Eggs & Slam's speed advantage proves telling. Fustercluck is labeled into a wall with extreme prejudice and finds itself being pushed rapidly towards the Light Cycles until DJ wisely fires the flipper, jars her bot loose, and goes back to strafing, trying to find a way around.

In the event, Fustercluck is not able to get to the back of its opponent because lol. Green Eggs & Slam just reverses. That does buy it some ground, however, and it is able to get under. Tell me something: do you remember that scene in the book Green Eggs & Ham where they're on the train, and then the train goes flying off the end of the tracks and lands on a ship? What happens is a bit like that. Only worse. The big WEJ lands upside down and Fustercluck is immediately back in its face, chaining it towards the OOTA wall relentlessly.

That proves a bridge too far, but Green Eggs & Slam is now dangerously close to the low wall and still upside-down, amazingly. It takes another couple of hits, rebounds off of the lexan and literally the top of the wall, and finally lands right-side up! Only... outside of the arena. That's one way to cut what was shaping up to be a good fight short.

Result: Fustercluck II wins by OOTA at 0:58

(7) Jack - 1-1 vs. (8) PuriN II - 1-1

The music starts playing and these bots are off. PuriN, knowing that it's about to be box rushed to kingdom come, immediately takes evasive maneuvers. It's eager to get away from both Jack and... The Light Cycles!? They're uh... on the opposite side, so I guess it kind of just stays close to where it started. In any case, Jack doesn't... actually box rush. It just sort of saunters out, all smugly confident and squares up while that patented PuriN death purr works itself up to scary levels.

Unbothered, Jack charges in. The spinner tries a little side juke, trying to catch one of those hard edges of Jack's plow, but the drivetrain difference is just too much and the WEJ is able to adjust. It doesn't get any decent kind of flip off, but the two bots are violently separated nonetheless, both skidding and spinning their way to opposite ends of the arena. Jack's rear takes a glancing blow from the Light Cycles, but it doesn't seem to have done much. The divot gouged out of its plow is definitely worse, though still not exactly a game-breaker. Meanwhile, PuriN is desperately trying to get back up to speed and away from the walls.

The Candy Shop entry backpedals now and drives evasively, trying to buy itself time to spin up. The howling of its blade grows louder, but then it eats some more wedge and goes berserk, nearly flipping itself over in the process. It may have been helped by Jack's flipper, but the black and red bot is unable to take advantage. That hit still had enough oomph to separate the combatants, and we repeat the same song and dance once more.

On their third meeting, PuriN tries to get to Jack's vulnerable back wheels, and in doing so, exposes its side. This has two consequences: firstly, it is easily wedged; secondly, it is very nearly able to clip the corner of said wedge. That's far from a full-power hit, though, and Jack is back on it like a pitbull, coming straight in, brushing off a low-rev hit, and sliding its much better wedge under - wait, no! PuriN's wedge wins out and and it begins pushing the faster bot. Jorji seems stunned. He takes a second to react. This seems to be an eventuality he didn't think possible. Jack comes within inches of the Light Cycles before pushing the panic button and j-hooking away, but there isn't quite enough room. The hazards catch it and juggle it while PuriN backs off a foot or two and spins up to murder speeds.

Jack comes down RIGHT on top and gets absolutely hurled into an arena wall. The lexan ripples, the commentators flinch, and the crowd oohs and aahs in British. it comes down quickly, but there's a decent-sized gash in its baseplate and it doesn't seem to be driving quite right. PuriN II has hit the opposite wall and spent all of its weapons kilojoules in the process. It tries to spin back up, but is just getting into its power band by the time that Jack closes in again. The spinner breakdances into a wall, Jack is spun away, and we're back tot he same old pattern. The flipper recovers first, advances rapidly, and stuffs its opponent. There's not nearly as much recoil this time. Jack is back in PuriN's grille until...

It just stops. There's a divot in the floor where PuriN's blade struck it earlier while it was out of control. It should be able to drive off of there, but that damaged wheel that needs to do some work now doesn't seem to be moving. PuriN is somewhat miraculously able to recover. It spins up to full speed and begins circling, but jack fires its flipper, jars itself free, and gets its plow facing the deadly weapon.

Rinse and repeat the gradual process of smothering the spinner using repeated collisions. Jack's plow is looking pretty beat up by this point, but he's been doing a good job of avoiding that divot in the floor. PuriN's mighty blade finally stalls out after meeting wall for the umpteenth time, and before it can start spinning back up again, Jack's able to slide its wedge under the front corner of its opponent. The BIG WEJ accelerates and labels PuriN into the wall. There is precisely nothing that the spinner can do... except get flipped. It takes a couple of tries and jack has to get deep under, but PuriN is turned turtle, flails around helplessly for about twenty seconds, and is counted out before the final buzzer can sound.

Result: Jack wins by TKO at 2:41

(9) Charlotte: The Astonishing Shelob - 0-2 vs. (10) Crash Test Granny - 0-2

Someone's '0' has got to go! While Charlotte has been competitive in its two losses, Granny has... well, the last one wasn't bad, I guess. The old gal almost pulled that out due to some sneaky tactics and she appears to b covered in... fire retardant this time. Not sure who let that slip through. I think it's technically illegal. Anyways, The moment that the match starts, Charlotte is across the arena and angling in on the cumbersome Granny's hinged wedges, spitting flames.

The first victim is the portrait. Have you ever seen an oil painting exposed to a flamethrower? Ya, not even flame retardant is gonna save it. After a slightly longer-than-expected application time, Granny turns into a bonfire. The audience oohs and aahs and Charlotte shoves its opponent towards the light cycles. Granny's able to dig in and get some traction, though, and when Granny pushes... well, there's nothing that can out-push her. Charlotte backs off, rotates its shell, and comes in with a different wedge. This loses out to Granny, who pushes inexorably forward, burning like a wickerman. Charlotte backs off again, gets a bit of an angle, and is in!

A brilliant blue flame torch leaps from its nozzle, bathing Granny in hellfire - she must've lived quite a life, I guess - and, gradually, the flame retardant starts to peel away. The two bots are locked in a pushing match and the only thing keeping this competitive is the fact that Granny's mostly high-centered and has only one wheel on the ground. Slowly, inexorably, Charlotte is driven backwards toward the Light Cycles, but Granny is literally an inferno. Ironically, since this counts as a moving pin, it extends the pin timer and makes things worse for the robotic senior citizen. Before it can be fed to the hazards, Charlotte: The Astonishing Shelob, hooks away and resets, easily slipping in behind Granny, who seems even slower than usual to turn. In fact, there's a slick of melted rubber behind her. Charlotte drives over this, wedges Granny, and drives her into the Light Cycles. It seems like the old gal's tires have melted and she can't put her legendary torque to use. The hazards eagerly scoop her up, chew her up, flip her, and send her to the afterlife.

Result: Charlotte: the Astonishing Shelob wins by KO at 1:19

Freshman Fight Card: Round 4

Posted: Sun May 02, 2021 2:39 pm
by Madman
Round Four

Welcome back to FF League, where we're completely forfeit-free three rounds into the event. That's rare. We now stand at our halfway point and things are really starting to matter now. Unless your name is Dylan, you really can't afford anymore losses if you want to be crowned champion. Anyways, no more talking. Your round four matches are listed below.

1) Please declare any configuration choices that you are using - if you're not going with a clearly-defined base config - by pinging your opponent on discord no later than Tuesday.

2) RPs are due Saturday, May 8, at 11:59 PM EST.

3) This round's arena will be Razor's Edge.

4) Starting from this week, the team that RPs first will be rewarded with getting to choose their starting square. Anyone who RPs Wednesday or earlier will receive a word limit of 500 words as a bonus. Anyone who RPs on Saturday will receive a word limit of 300 words as a penalty.

5) Good luck.


(1) Tiamat - 3-0 vs. (4) Fustercluck II - 2-1

The match begins with a nice move by Dylan. Tiamat just straight up jukes Fustercluck. It's a borderline-embarrassing anklebreaker of a move, and the blue and gold entry pays for it by eating a nasty chain that carries it all the way to The Razor. Thankfully for DJ, the wall is still at maximum height, because her bot bounces off the top of it and lands back inside, upside-down. By some minor miracle, nothing vital appears to have been hit.

Tiamat's drisc is down to low revs after delivering so many hits, though, and Fustercluck takes the opportunity to self-right while it spins back up. Dylan's not about to let go of his early advantage, however, and he gets under again before Fustercluck can settle. It gets tossed into the Psycho Exes and a wedgelet clatters free.

The dominance can't last forever, though. The hybrid bot gets free before long and opts not to pull any strafeyboi moves, instead barreling headlong into Tiamat. The better wedge wins out. Both bots are chucked backwards, but they reset to roughly even despite Fustercluck struggling a moment longer for traction. It didn't seem to go as far in the first place. There's another head to head and this time, Tiamat goes over! Fustercluck skids and slides and rushes in, trying to press its advantage, but they meet weapon to weapon and Tiamat uses the contact to rather spectacularly flip itself back right-side-up.

It's wedge looks less than great, though. At some point, one of the little wedgelets got torn off, and there's a noticeable gouge in the left side. Tiamat is now trying to avoid a direct head to head and prioritize angling into Fustercluck's little wedges.

The strafeyboi cuts it off. There's a third massive weapon to weapon, and Tiamat eats the worst of it, going into the Psycho Exes to boot. The saws chuck it off, upside-down, and it bounces off its drisc, skids backwards into the wall at an angle, and bounces around before settling onto its standoffs. Fustercluck rushes in for more, but Dylan's able to pull a maneuver similar to his opening gambit a second time.

The Blue and Gold bot gets launched, clattering into the Exes as Tiamat rushes in for a followup. It gets spat out in a random direction, however, and is able to escape, slewing a bit as it goes. The two bots play a familiar game for the next thirty seconds, Fustercluck trying to force a head to head while Tiamat tries to go for its wedgelets. He's doing a good job varying up his attack patterns, and there isn't much for DJ to seize on. Eventually, though, witht he clock ticking low, he just gets out-drivetrained by those sneaky, strafey wheels and DJ gets the head-to-head that she wants. Tiamat gets flung again, and its wedge warps right where it's thinnest, in the middle. There's an awful noise and, when the black and red bot comes down, there's a piece of gouged-up wedge scraping against its weapon. Fustercluck is just about able to chain this time too. A follow-up hit breaks Tiamat's wedge in two down the middle, and that piece of metal gets stuck right against one of the weapon's teeth. Dylan's able to outmaneuver Fustercluck for the final fifteen seconds, and he scores a glancing blow that flips it and forces it to self-right as time expires, but that drisc is not at full power anymore, and there's a curl of smoke from inside the bot. Fustercluck rumbles back to its starting square, chucking a mecanum roller as it goes. I would not want to be the judges in this one (but I am, lol).

Damage: 4-3 Fustercluck II
Aggression: 4-3 Fustercluck II
Control: 4-3 Tiamat

Result: Fustercluck II wins an 11-10 split decision

(2) Crime Scene - 2-1 vs. (3) Black Lagoon - 2-1

Crime Scene isn't in the mood for games. Iron Maiden starts playing and it's across the arena without wasting any time. Both bots spin their weapons up to full speed and collide head on. Black Lagoon's arms slip cleanly under its opponent, but Crime Scene's long, floppy wedge teeth slide effortlessly under its drum. Both bots are thrown violently back and one of Black Lagoon's arms cantilevers around the other way, trailing it now. Once of Crime Scene's teeth seems to be damaged.

The two of them reset, Black Lagoon taking longer to get back to neutral and having to strafe away from some pressure. Crime Scene is definitely the faster bot and seems eager to get to the sides of its opponent now. This is where the ability to strafe comes in handy, however. So long as Sio drives defensively, she's just able to make up the shortfall and keep the front of her bot facing the Team CSI entry.

Then, out of nowhere, Black Lagoon charges. Crime Scene backs up and turns, trying to get its front facing its opponent and struggling with some gyro lift. It's just able to get in position and the two bots collide. Black Lagoon does a full 360 in the air, its arms flopping around all like "wheeee!" One of Crime Scene's wedge teeth pings off of the lexan and clatters to the arena floor. "Run for the hiiiiilllls, run for your liiii-iiives," the speakers blare.

Somewhat less effective in its wedge game now, but conclusively unable to get around Black Lagoon reliably, Crime Scene hurtles forward for a weapon-to-weapon hit, confident that it can outlast its opponent. There's a massive collision and Black Lagoon goes into the Bulletproof glass, comes down on the Psycho Exes, and gets juggled. Normally, Crime Scene would be right on top of it, but it's ended up on its back and has to take a moment to self-right.

Black Lagoon chucks a roller from one of its wheels like it doesn't even need the thing, breaks free of the Exes, and starts spinning up, but Crime Scene is in its face. Another huge weapon to weapon hit finally puts paid to the police-themed bot's remaining wedgelet (those things have been surprisingly sturdy for as lightweight as they look), but Black Lagoon is too busy spinning out and struggling for traction to really press its newfound advantage. Desperately, Crime Scene rushes in, gets popped back with its wedge slightly peeled, and comes in again. Black Lagoon's weapon hammers into its disc and something lets out an unhappy mechanical noise. The hit separates the two bots and Crime Scene is back in its opponent's face immediately, knowing that it needs to play the pressure game now.

Black Lagoon turns around as one drum spins up, pointing the other at Crime Scene. That doesn't completely work, of course. It gets rammed right in the side, but Crime Scene's wedge is peeled up enough that it just smacks dully into the side of one of Black Lagoon's arms, failing to get under. Sio completes her turn and rushes forward. Crime Scene dodges back and tries circling, but there's some wheel lift. It settles back down on one of those little silver arms and that's all that Black Lagoon needs. Ruthlessly, it pivots into its opponent's side.

There's a fantastic collision and pieces go flying. Black Lagoon hammers into the wall and bounces off the Psycho Exes. It appears to be having trouble moving after that, but it's more or less getting some forward motion. Crime Scene, meanwhile... well, they should probably get out the chalk and start sketching this one. Its side panel is obliterated and a wheel rolls sadly across the arena. Sio makes sure to show some more movement as the referee counts it out.

Result: Black Lagoon wins by KO at 1:39

(5) Jack - 2-1 vs. (6) Spooky Month - 1-2

Jack comes screaming out of the starting gates as Judas Priest begins pouring out of the arena's sound system. Spooky Month sits there for a moment and then rapidly dodges out of the way, skidding a bit as it goes but pulling off a nice matador move. They two bots circle each other for a bit, Spooky Month Chasing, threatening to drop the saw if it catches up, and Jack trying to get its front facing its aggressive opponent.

Seeing a potential advantage, Spooky Month tightens its turn and tries for Jack's back left corner, but it skids out and the two bots are forced to reset. Instead, they go wedge. Spooky Month slides under and starts slowly driving Jack back, its sawblade drawing sparks from its opponent's sturdy armour until the Team Eagle entry is able to hook away.

The black and red flipper plays things a bit more cautiously this time, circling, juking, and darting in. Spooky Month is mostly able to stay with it's opponent - it's an equally quick bot - but patience eventually pays off. The sawbot oversteers a bit and that's Jack's cue. It slides under like a spatula and Spooky Month gets flicked up and... not quite over. No matter. Jack's still underneath, rapidly driving its opponent towards the Psycho Exes. It flips again and, this time, Spooky Month just tips over. It's self-righting immediately while Jack continues to push, but it takes a battering from the hazard.

The shellacking ends eventually, and there's more circling, with Spooky Month trying to stay closer to the walls in the hopes of scoring a pin and being able to get to work with its saw. Jack takes advantage of a steering miscue again, however, and into the Exes goes Spooky Month! A couple chunks of rubber are spat out by the saws and eventually the rest of the bot follows them.

Jack is back on the attack. It gets under again, but Spooky month slams its saw down and jars itself loose. Jack tries a flip, but it's a bit too late and Spooky Month darts in while it bucks up. With only two wheels on the floor, Jack is getting outpushed by its opponent. It tries to hook away, but it's caught good on that awkward wedge. Into the walls we go and down comes the saw. Brilliant sparks leap up as it bites in. "He is the painkiller! I am the painkiller!" the music howls.

The pin ends and Spooky Month is forced to release its opponent. The only damage that seems to have been done is a small cut to the armour. Man, that stuff is something! Jack doesn't wait for a full reset, however. The second that Spooky Month starts backing off, it hooks in, forcing the sawbot to turn. It's too slow and eats a flip for its trouble. Jack bullies it now, interrupting its self-righting multiple times, and Spooky Month gets flattened into the Wild Flings. The whirling drums bump and batter it for nearly ten seconds before it comes down, right on its relentless opponent's wedge. Flip! It takes a second ride on the Flings and its saw arm looks noticeably bent, not to mention the saw itself.

Spooky Month is eventually able to get away, and it retaliates by ramming Jack into the hazard, but the drums are not kind this time, and the black and red bot slips off after a few seconds. The clock is ticking now. Spooky Month zips into the middle of the arena and executes a quick turn, looking for an eleventh-hour rally. Right on cue, Jack slides right up its wedge, perhaps expecting some oversteer and not getting it. Jorji's quick on the trigger this time, though, and the flipper escapes before it can eat another pin. With time running out, there's some more circling and Jack exploits oversteer yet again. Spooky Month gets flipped right onto the Psycho Exes. It self-rights - right back onto the Psycho Exes, and gets chucked away like so much scrap. Its skirts are pretty gouged up now, and there are pieces of rubber strewn about the arena. It's moving a bit more sluggishly, but moving it still is when the buzzer sounds and Judas Priest fades away. We're going to the judges.

Damage: 4-2 Jack
Aggression: 4-3 Jack
Control: 5-2 Jack

Result: Jack wins a 13-7 judges' decision

(7) Charlotte: the Amazing Shelob - 1-2 vs. (8) Green Eggs & Slam - 1-2

Airbourne comes blaring out of the speakers as this match starts, and Green Eggs & Slam is out of its square like a Tasmanian Devil. Charlotte just kinda sits there, waiting, before pulling this brilliant matador move at the last second. GE&S slams on the brakes and slows a bit, but it still collides with the wall and gets scooped up. Out come the flames. Fried eggs, anyone? Out comes that spinning weapon too. It swings right into the thwackbot's side, hitting a wheel, and that also jars it loose.

Slam takes off, circling and looking for position, but The Astonishing Shelob chases aggressively. Eventually, the big WEJ hits paydirt. It scoops its opponent up and drives it towards the Psycho Exes, but Charlotte's a bit to quick with its weapon. Green Eggs & Sllam takes another pop to the side and the ungainly contraption breaks free.

The two bots have a few more wedge battles, with Slam winning the first couple but Charlotte getting away just before it can be pushed onto the Psycho Exes. The absurd machine turns the tables the next time that they meet and has a particularly good moment when it high-centers the faster bot on its thwack tail. Green Eggs takes a Slam into the Wild Flings, being juggled by them and roasted by its opponent for a good thirty seconds. It finishes the ordeal upside-down, smoke curling off of its tires. Immediately, it goes right into Charlotte's weapon and gets tossed. It takes a trip on the Exes, gets chucked into a wall and, luck of all luck, physics happens and it ends up right-side-up somehow.

When it settles onto its wheels, however, it doesn't go wedge to wedge. It doesn't even try to get around Charlotte, who's well ahead on points right now. It sits and spins, that hammer tail whirring up to full deadly speed.

The oddball machine facing it doesn't have much choice. It lines up its sturdiest wedge, gets its vertical disc into position and charges into the whirling green dervish. All that happens is that it gets sent twirling away a couple feet, but not particularly far. Those tracks are grippy. GE&S darts forward and starts spinning again. The same pattern repeats itself once more until it becomes apparent that Charlotte finds itself on the Exes. There's a nasty grinding sound, lots of sparks, and some chunky rubber tread spat out. Then we're good again.

Green Eggs repeats that earlier tactic but, wise to it, Charlotte starts to drive away. The big green machine has had enough, though. It finds an opening between wedges, scoops its opponent up, and slams it into the wall beside the hazard before it can break itself free. Pushing at an angle, it grinds the ungainly bot along the wall, taking a couple of hits from that weapon. Chunks of foamy tire go flying and that hub looks bent. Flames absolutely bathe it. Still, Green Eggs & Slam has the low ground in a wedge battle and it's a war of pushing power. This is what it was built for. In desperation, Charlotte tries to just back up and eat the Psycho Exes' damage on its own terms, but once they juggle it free, GE&S is right after it, shoving it on a second time before it can gain traction.

Eventually, it gets tossed free, but the damage is terminal. A broken track snakes out from underneath its shell, high-centering it. It tries to shake itself free, but the referee's count finishes before it can do the job.

Result: Green Eggs & Slam wins by KO at 2:31

(9) PuriN II - 1-2 vs. (10) Crash Test Granny - 0-3

The buzzer sounds, Thunderstruck starts playing, and we have a box rush! The terrifying horizontal blade of PuriN II starts spinning up immediately, but Granny is barreling towards it like... a senior citizen out for a Sunday stroll. A reverberating wail starts to build throughout Razor's Edge, nearly drowning out the song's intro. Granny keeps charging. PuriN II keeps spinning. Something has got to go!


The music stops. Bits and pieces of metal, wood, and plastic pop and ping off of all four of the arena's walls. A light fixture crashes to the floor and the match is called off immediately. To say that Granny has been obliterated would not do justice to what has just taken place here. Nor was she eviscerated, annihilated, battered, broken, pummeled, or destroyed. ARC's favourite plucky senior citizen put the pedal to the metal and rode to Valhalla, shiny and chrome, on the Fury Road screaming "WITNESS ME!!!" Truly, Crash Test Granny, you have been erased, this day, but Crash Test Granny, you have also been witnessed.

Result: PuriN II wins by KO at 0:09

Freshman Fight Card: Round 5

Posted: Sun May 09, 2021 2:38 pm
by Madman
Round Five

Welcome back to FF League, where we're finally past the halfway point. The contenders are being separated from the pretenders now. Your last few matches are really going to matter in terms of your final placement, so bring your A-game, noobs! Anyways, no more talking. Your round five matches are listed below.

1) Please declare any configuration choices that you are using - if you're not going with a clearly-defined base config - by pinging your opponent on discord no later than Tuesday.

2) RPs are due Saturday, May 15, at 11:59 PM EST.

3) This round's arena will be The Noir.

4) As of last week and continuing through this week, the team that RPs first will be rewarded with getting to choose their starting square. Anyone who RPs Wednesday or earlier will receive a word limit of 500 words as a bonus. Anyone who RPs on Saturday will receive a word limit of 300 words as a penalty.

5) Good luck.


(1) Black Lagoon - 3-1 vs. (2) Jack - 3-1

Result: coming soon

(3) Fustercluck II - 3-1 vs. (5) Crime Scene - 2-2

Result: coming soon

(4) Tiamat - 3-1 vs. (7) PuriN II - 2-2

Result: coming soon

(6) Green Eggs & Slam - 2-2 vs. (10) Crash Test Granny - 0-4

Result: coming soon

(8) Spooky Month - 1-3 vs. (9) Charlotte: The Astonishing Shelob - 1-3

Result: coming soon