No Heroes

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The Monsterworks
Posts: 1308
Joined: Thu May 26, 2016 12:00 am
Location: Canada, for now
Team: The Monsterworks

No Heroes

Post by The Monsterworks » Thu Mar 30, 2017 1:50 pm

I've been working on this project, among others, for a while, but I've always been too busy to make any real progress. Jules has been working on it with me, but she's made even less headway. I'm hoping that posting chapters here will help garner some feedback and maybe make me give a shit, so guess I'll post as I complete them, along with revisions and discussions. Reads, opinions, and constructive criticism would be much appreciated. Thanks, guys!

<big><big><big><big>No Heroes</big></big></big></big>

Ste. Denis: 11:08 PM, May 28, 106 AB

Things are safer, nowadays, than they have ever been since The Blackening. There are two layers of fence that surround the whole town, and the outer one
Mastodon... Extinction (HW)
Osiris... Armageddon! (MW)
Elrathia... ROBOTS (LW)
Magnolia Pico... Ruination 4 (MW)
RipTide... ROBOT2 (FW)
Black Diamond... Cherry Bomb Classic 3 (HW)
Abyss... ROBOTS 3 (MW)

The Monsterworks: 214-57 (.790) ...Probably up to no good.
Cherry Bomb Classic IV: 25-4
Finishing Move: 6-2
Magnolia Pico: 6-1
Magnolia Grande: 6-1
Glacier III: 7-0
ROBOTS 3: 21-6
Sixpounder: 3-4
MADSCIENCE: 9-1 Champion!
Abyss: 9-1 Champion!

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Posts: 541
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:00 pm
Location: Fighting in the shade
Team: Tartarus Robotics Group

No Heroes

Post by Madman » Sun Apr 02, 2017 2:58 pm

Overall, I really enjoyed it. However, I have a few questions, comments, and criticisms.

1) I'm not sure about interspersing the two storylines like you have, TBH. I get the reasoning behind it, but the transitions throw me off a bit at first. Otherwise, really good.

2) Is Tristan gonna go full villain in this iteration? His and Clyde's relationship as brothers seems ambiguous. I'm assuming it's meant to be, but I'm not sure if them joking around after Clyde clearly shows disdain for him a paragraph earlier is a good idea. There's clearly some tension between them, and then it just gets deflated like that.

3) I liked the action scene, and the exposition was well done. The savages feel more menacing than they did in your old draft. Are we going to get to see the REAL outside of the fence (Vincent and co.) soon?
Tartarus Robotics Group: Infinitely wise and merciful since 2016
(don't ask about before that)

Black Dog ||| Hellhound V ||| Blood Eagle ||| Santangelo ||| Hellhound VII ||| Hoarfrost

CBC4: 26-5
Featherweight: Black Dog III (6-2)
Lightweight: Blood Eagle (7-1)
Middleweight: Hoarfrost (9-0) CHAMPION!
Heavyweight: Santangelo (5-2)
Lightweight: Thundercaller (1-0)
Current Roster: 183-40 (.821)
Black Dog (ROBOTS - MW*, ROBOTS3 - FW, CBC4 - FW): 26-5
Blood Eagle (CBC3 - LW*, CBC4 - LW): 15-2
Detroit Iron (ICEcrown - SHW): 6-2
Hellcat (Thunder Underground - MW): 2-0
Hellhound (R: Extinction - HW, Pressure Drop - HW, RB2 - HW, ROBOTS - HW, New Blood - HW*, ROBOTS 3 - HW*, Thunder Underground - HW): 46-11
Hoarfrost (RB2 - MW, Armageddon! - MW, Ruination 4 - LW, Thunder Underground - LW, CBC4 - MW*): 23-5
Krakatoa (Robo-Con - LW, Ruination 4 - SHW, Thunder Underground - LW): 11-2
Meanstreak (RB2 - LW, Ruination 4 - HW): 10-3
Santangelo (CBC3 - SHW*, CBC4 - HW): 13-3
Sundancer (Ruination 4 - MW, R: Revival - MW, REDDIT - HW, R: Evolution - FW): 21-4
Talons Out (ROBOTS - FW): 10-3
Thundercaller (Vexed!): 1-0
Yet to Fight
Hadean, Intimidator, Kurosaki-kun, Midnight Sun, Neon Rampage
Eye of Newt, Morality, Savage, Tiger, Vicious, Wild Child
ARC Hall of Fame
Hellhound - #1
Black Dog - #2
Blood Eagle - #11
Sundancer - #24
Hoarfrost - #49

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