The Cherry Bomb Classic III: Fight Cards, Brackets, and Writing Assignments

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The Monsterworks
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The Cherry Bomb Classic III: Fight Cards, Brackets, and Writing Assignments

Post by The Monsterworks » Sun Feb 03, 2019 1:17 am


They came from all corners of the globe: The frigid north of Canada, the lush Rio Plata, the moorlands of Scotland, the terraced fields of Eastern France, the jungles of Indonesia and, of course, from virtually every part of the good old U.S. of A. For some, it was a chance to add to another trophy to a well stocked case, an accolade to further burnish an established legend. For others, it was a shot at redemption, a cautious second chance to fulfill a dream. There were those who had been in pursuit for some time and those who had come looking for a new experience. Whatever their reasons, here they are, at the greatest show on Earth: The Cherry Bomb Classic III. Welcome one, welcome all.

Over the course of the next four months, eighty-four unique machines from twenty-six international teams will compete in four different weight classes for the ultimate prize of fantasy robotic combat: the CBC Bowl of Cherries! The trophy's uh...not quite ready yet but, trust me, it's gonna be great. Just great! You wait and see. Now, with the introduction out of the way, it's time for everyone's favourite: organizational stuff!

Introducing the CBC3 Staff

No tournament can be run without people willing to spend their time and energy and smile through the passive-aggressive complaints that flow forth from losing teams after each week's results are posted. Before we begin, I'd like to thank each and every one of these people by recognizing them here. Should anybody wish to join the staff, your help is warmly welcomed. Don't be shy about stepping forward!

Tournament Organizer: The Monsterworks
Deputy Tournament Organizer: Hooray For Lexan
Writers: Shaba 117, Trihunter, Mole55, YSMQTHLQYH, NWOWWE, Rocket, Wolf51-50, V900

Going forward, I ask only that all staff members operate in good faith, exercise neutrality, and be familiar with the tournament-specific rules. If you are unsure of something, ask! Conversely, from the participants' end, I expect that staff should be shown respect at all times. Feel free to ask for clarification about results, but anything that I and I alone deem to have crossed the line will be punished immediately and severely. :D That won't be necessary, though, will it? :D

Helpful Information

1. This event will use a variant on the R4/REDDIT rules that can be found here. If you are a writer, you will be expected to familiarize yourself with these. If you are solely a competitor, then uh... knowing the rules is probably a very good thing anyways.

2. The Cherry Bomb Classic has always been unique among fantasy robotic combat tournaments for its use of a diverse and rotating cast of challenging arenas that are more than simply places to do battle. Each has a personality of its own, and familiarizing yourself with the week's arena could be the difference between the sweet taste of victory and the reek of defeat. Information on the arenas can be found here. The thread is in the process of being updated, so excuse the formatting errors.

3. The hazards in the arenas deal different amounts of damage depending on how well-armoured your bot is. Take a look at the Hazard Damage Scale to learn just how nasty they're gonna be in your case.

4. If you have any questions, concerns, good memes, or ideas to discuss, feel free to check out our discussion thread.

5. Need to figure out how to tackle your opponent for this week? You should definitely take a look at the Official Signup Thread.

6. "Wait! I'm not fighting this week!?!!!!11!!one!1!!!??": Yes! This may be the case, Don't worry. You probably haven't been booted. Due to the odd number of entrants in each weight class, every bot will have one bye week during the regular season. During the regular season, we will also be alternating weeks between weight classes. Lightweight and middleweight robots will fight one week, followed by heavyweight and superheavyweight machines the next. Finally, there will be an eliminator between the eighth and ninth seeds before the playoff bracket commences.

7. The Cherry Bomb Classic III will also be observing the standard ARC rules about politeness, respect, and NOT EDITING YOUR RP OR READING YOUR OPPONENT'S RP IF HE OR SHE POSTS BEFORE YOU! Break any of these rules once, and you will forfeit the week's matches. Break them twice, and you're out of the tournament. I know that won't happen, though, Y'all are chill.

8. If your robot has alternate configurations, wedge options, or armour bonus options, you will be required to inform your opponent of which you are using a reasonable amount of time before the fight. Little things like wedgelet placement or whatever are exempt from this. Remember that your main chassis armour must stay the same across all options and configurations.

9. There will be a hard 400 word RP limit for all regular season RPs except for first round RPs. You may want to write a bit extra to help familiarize writers with your bot's abilities and features. Those RPs will have a 500 word limit. Playoff RPs will also enjoy a 500 word limit because, you know, those actually matter. For rumbles, a strict 200 word limit will be enforced to ease the burden on writers.

10. Unless otherwise explicitly stated, RPs will always be due on the Saturday night of the week they are posted at 11:59 PM EST.


The Cherry Bomb Classic is a LONG HAUL, friend: eighteen weeks in total, but I swear it'll all be worth it in the end. Money back guarantee!

Round One: Vertigo (all) - weeks 1 and 2
Round Two: The Asylum (LW/MW) & The Woodshed (HW/SHW) - weeks 3 and 4
Round Three: Gothiq (LW/MW) & Buzludzha (HW/SHW) - weeks 5 and 6
Round Four: Shooting Star (LW/MW) & Stormhavn (HW/SHW) - weeks 7 and 8
Round Five: The Asylum (LW/MW) & The Woodshed (HW/SHW) - weeks 9 and 10
Round Six: Gothiq (LW/MW) & Buzludzha (HW/SHW) - weeks 11 and 12
Round Seven: Shooting Star (LW/MW) & Stormhavn (HW/SHW) - weeks 13 and 14
Eighth Place Eliminators: Vertigo (all) - week 15
Quarterfinals: Vertigo (all) - week 16
Semifinals: Vertigo (all) - week 17
Championship: Vertigo (all) - week 18

The Brackets

These will always be your best and most up-to-date sources of information on your results and upcoming matches. You can check them out below.





Let's Get this Show on the Road!

Above is everything that you should ever need in terms of references for this event. I'd like to offer you my sincere thanks for participating and placing your trust in me to organize this shindig. I hope you enjoy it. Best of luck!

- The Monsterworks

Mastodon... Extinction (HW)
Osiris... Armageddon! (MW)
Elrathia... ROBOTS (LW)
Magnolia Pico... Ruination 4 (MW)
RipTide... ROBOT2 (FW)

The Monsterworks: 149 - 43 (.776) ...Probably up to no good.
The Cherry Bomb Classic III: 7-0Show
Carbonemys: 3-0
Black Diamond: 2-0
I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!: 2-0

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The Monsterworks
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Joined: Thu May 26, 2016 12:00 am
Location: Canada, for now

Re: The Cherry Bomb Classic III: Fight Cards, Brackets, and Writing Assignments

Post by The Monsterworks » Sun Feb 03, 2019 1:36 am

Hello all and welcome! It's good to see you. Let's get you somewhere a bit cooler, shall we? It's a scorcher here in Dubai, but when is it not, really? Best get used to it, because we'll be setting up here for two weeks instead of the usual one. At least we get to stay at the ultra-swanky Burj Al Arab. So...see that little helipad over there nearish the top? Yep. That's our arena. Hey, I didn't choose it! Our sponsor has deep pockets! Anyways, let's take a look at it.


Vertigo by Floating Castle Robotics on Sketchfab

Name: Vertigo

Location: Dubai, UAE

Layout: Circular

Size: 60 ft diameter - 2827 square feet

Intended Use: LW-SHW Singles and Doubles

Theme: Helicopter landing pad

Floor Materials: painted steel

House Robots: In tournaments that allow house robots, this arena has two, Genghis and Colonel Mordread, which patrol the ring around the central hazard. However, CBC3 will not be employing them this time around.

Hazards and Features:
  • Immediate Ejection Device (1) - This enormous floor piston is located in the center of the arena and pops up beneath bots that drive over it, launching them high into the air and dealing moderate to heavy impact damage when they land in addition to potentially flipping them over.
  • Fall Away Walls - The arena walls are five feet high, meaning that only the strongest flippers can manage to flip opponents over them for the first two minutes of the match. However, at the 2:00 mark, they fall away, making OOTAs tantalizingly easy for the remainder of the fight.
  • Micro IEDs (32) - These small floor pistons ring the edges of the arena. For the first two minutes, they pop up under robots that drive over them, disrupting traction and dealing no to light damage. During the final minute, they pop up in advance of robots barreling over the edge, forcing drivers seeking an OOTA to employ at least some strategy. This hazard has been modified. There are now 64 Micro IEDs spaced about 2.5 feet apart.
  • Danger Zone (optional - 2) - The two concentric rings that are occasionally home to the house robots can be turned into floor spinners for fights without house robots. These only deal no to light damage, but they can disrupt traction and spin robots away.

Achievement: Don't Need No Special Rules! - Score an OOTA while the walls are still up.

The Fight Card

Below are the week's fights. RPs will be due on Saturday, February 9, at 11:59 PM EST. The RP limit is usually 400 words, but it will be 500 for this round. Remember to inform your opponent of configuration choices.





The Debilitator Division (A)

Terpsichora has a bye

Ayame vs Carnivore

The box is on, the lights are 🔥 LIT 😂, it's robot fighting time. Carnivore tries to coerce Ayame into slamming it's foot on the gas right off the bat. Conveniently enough, Ayame's initial strategy is to literally do just that. Flat 2-wheel wedge vs hinged wedgelets are 60-40, so let's flip a slightly-weighted coin here...

aaand Ayame gets under. Carnivore suddenly jolts forward to monstertruck off of Ayame, but she's too quick to the draw for that. Gulden's bot winds up getting some sick air, in any case, and flips over. Now he's spinning the wheels like he wants to get a certain weapon into play, but doesn't actually have the invertibility to do so. Oops.

Ayame sneaks underneath Carnivore's srimech arm in an attempt to prevent it from self-righting. Goldenfox's smug "heh, got em good" grin soon fades as he watches Carnivore self-right anyway. Welp.

At least, it would be "welp" if Carnivore hadn't self-righted immediately back onto the flipper, which fires again. This time, Carnivore lands on its feet. Wheels. He goes for another go at the wedge.. and pulls it off! They tussle for a bit, Ayame tries in vain to free herself from Carnivore's soylent-addled twig arms, but all she manages are brief moments where she's able to push the opponent backward. He almost manages to get Ayame onto the IED, but not quite. At least it's enough for the judges to take note of, anyway.

Carnivore gets told "ey fuck off mate" by the ref and has to let Ayame go after 30 seconds. The match resets to neutral and the two bots UNGA BUNGA charge at each other. Ayame gets under, again. Carnivore goes over, again. Learning his lesson from the first attempt, Carnivore self-rights in time before Ayame can go for another flip. The back-and-forth goes on for the rest of the match, with neither really able to capitalize on the other's weaknesses. Ayame gets under slightly more often, but isn't really able to do all too much afterward. Vice-versa for Carnivore. Near the end of the match, Carnivore get flipped close-ish to the outer pistons a time or two, but it's nothing too spectacular.

Judge's decision:
DMG - 8-7 Ayame
AGG - 8-7 Ayame
CTL - 9-6, Carnivore

Carnivore wins by JD, 23-22.

Hobart 2 vs Evil Destroyer

IEDs? The only IEDs this fight needs is either weapon going against their opponents armor. Hobart 2 doesn't look to be playing this conservatively however and speeds over towards Evil Destroyer, only easing up when they get about a meter or so away. Now Hobart seems to be considering their direction of attack very carefully. Evil Destroyer makes adjustments to the turret, trying to prevent Hobart from lining up perfectly straight against it. However that seems to be exactly what Hobart is trying to do, and has the speed to keep themselves close enough to perfectly centered on that huge spinning bar. Here we go... BOOOM! The sheer spectacle of this hit defies description. Evil Destroyer and Hobart 2 are both launched violently away. Evil Destroyer is spared getting launched over the wall by virtue of having moved far enough away from it at the start of the match. As you can imagine, it takes a few moments for both bots to recover. Evil Destroyer even more so because it ended up landing more or less sideways. Not to say that it's all sunshine and daisies for Hobart. There seems to be a worrying amount of smoke issuing from the chassis, but it still seems to be moving okay, and the weapon is still working. A little bit of extra effort allows Evil Destroyer to get back on its base, but it seems that extra couple of seconds was enough to give Hobart 2 a chance to charge in looking to land a killing blow! BOOM! A big chuck of Evil Destroyer's side is gone. There's the quick and brutal end to the fight we expected would come one way or the other.

Hobart 2 wins by KO in 0:57

Beast From The West II vs Sleipnir

The match begins with BftW raising it's weapon while Sleipnir immediately rushes, A few seconds later Sleipnir gets its forks under his opponent and starts to push it to the wall, TBR lowers it's weapon arm to hit the Sleipnir's top but can't quite reach it.
A few other seconds later they reach the wall and one of the micro IEDs frees BftW, it escapes and then goes for an attack but Sleipnir successfully angles-in and gets under again. He pushes it to the central IED but didn't reach it as one of the floor spinners separated the two.

The next encounter is the same story but this time Sleipnir's driver adjusted for the floor spinners, thus Team Team British Robotics's machine got thrown up, it landed the right way up though.

They both charge at each other and now TBR's bot finally avoided getting angled-in, one of Sleipnir's forks got flicked up. Seen this Sleipnir reverses of that wedge and goes around it's opponent and push it from behind, or at least he tried, the flank didn't work at all and BftW catches it from the side, flipping it like a pancake.

Remember how i said that Sleipnir angled-in and successfully pushed it's opponent to the central IED? well that happened again like 10 seconds after it got flipped like a pancake. BftW landed upside down this time and before it could self-right Sleipnir was already pushing it to the wall. The micro IEDs are back again saving the day, as they made Team TBR's entry do a roll over it's opponent, allowing it's weapon to hit Sleipnir's top (well technically bottom) panel, somehow.

The brick get's away from the wall before it's opponent can turn around, so naturally they charge at each other again. Beast From The West gets under and flicks the same fork up again, Sleipnir backs off and goes again, this time it does get it's forks under.
He pushes BftW to the big IED but fail to stop so both robots get thrown into the sky. While they where airborne TBR pulls of a spectacular move and uses it's weapon to pop one of Sleipnir's tires, again this happened when they where IN THE AIR. Naturally this causes to both bot to get thrown away from each other. While we where too focused trying to understand whatever just happened we reached the 2 minute mark and the walls had fallen. They yet again go at each other, BftW get under and flicks up the other fork a few time until he reaches it's opponent body, hitting and then flipping it. Sleipnir goes runs far away to turn around safelly and then goes at TBR again. Sleipnir's forks are the ones that wins the wedge war so naturally he starts pushing to where the walls where. This time he managed to control the pushing action well enough to avoid completely the micro IEDs, and you know what that means.

Your winner, by OOTA in 2:17, is Sleipnir!

Elrathia Division (B)

Tidal Wave 2 has a bye

Blood Eagle vs Twin Typhoons

The match begins and both Blood Eagle and the two-part cluster of Twin Typhoons start up and head out of their squares. The twins are spaced apart, but both move on the same side around the central hazards. Blood Eagle takes the opposite path around the center and quickly covers ground to catch up to the noticeably slower clusterbot. TT separate themselves some more to prevent Blood Eagle from potentially one-shotting them both in one hit. However, it proves to be mainly a futile effort for Team Cool Story Brobotics-as Blood Eagle eagerly tears into one of them and just sprays parts across the vast arena.

The surviving Twin aggressively maneuvers to pursue Blood Eagle after it was knocked back some by the impact. Blood Eagle quickly recovers, however-with only some damage to one of its wheels. It doesn’t seem to affect its mobility, however, and Blood Eagle spins back up and heads back towards the remaining Twin. It keeps near the center of the arena and attempts to lure in Blood Eagle onto the outer ring of the Danger Zone-it might be trying to lure him into the main IED, but TT just gets spun away from the outer ring. And, BE isn’t buying it-continuing to drive around the outer ring.

TT can’t keep up with this forever and Blood Eagle catches up to it and angles in for another hit-which sends both bots flying apart from each other in a more spectacular impact than with the first half of Twin Typhoons. TT gets thrown against the outer wall, then gets popped by a mini-IED for good measure. Meanwhile, Blood Eagle gets sent onto the inner ring and close to the main IED, but not close enough to actually set it off. It then gets flung off of the counter-rotating rings and…neither bot appears to be moving. Blood Eagle’s right wheel appears disabled, but the weapon spins back up and it starts moving in arcs with the gyro of its blade. The remaining Twin-is a smoking heap. And we have the countout.

Blood Eagle wins via KO in 1:29!

Eudial III vs Tiny Torque

Tiny Torque is off like a shot, zooming straight across the arena at – wait a minute, straight across the arena? That’s dangerous! Tiny Torque starts to swerve away from the central IED, but as it hits the floor spinners at top speed it gets yanked sideways and just clips the hazard. The piston sends it tumbling across the arena, and fortunately it lands the right way up. But still, that’s an embarrassing moment.

Eudial, meanwhile, has had plenty of time to get its bar up to full speed, although with the bots starting almost sixty feet apart a box rush wouldn’t have done that much anyway. It heads for Tiny Torque, and Tiny Torque swerves away again, trying to get around... I think the side. But Eudial just turns the other direction and rams into it in reverse... and holy moly what a hit! Sparks fly and Tiny Torque gets tossed like a frisbee, going a good two or three feet in the air. Eudial skids away, wobbling a bit, and there’s a few more sparks putting some inaugural scrapes in the paint on the arena floor.

Tiny Torque is back on the attack, but again tries to go for the rear of Eudial, and buys Eudial a couple extra seconds to spin back up before getting launched away again. It looks like the anti-monstertrucking thingy on the top of its plow’s pretty torn up. It goes after the front of Eudial this time, and gets spun away again with a bend in one of its front forks, but this hit sends Eudial into the wall. Tiny Torque’s able to catch it before it gets back up to speed. It actually rides up Eudial’s back wedge, but it still muscles it into the wall and has it pinned for a few seconds before Eudial manages to wriggle free.

Eudial gets its blade going again, but it doesn’t look like it managed to reach full speed this time before getting smacked. Tiny Torque tries going for the side – by process of elimination apparently – but because Eudial can turn in either direction to face it this doesn’t work out too well, and Eudial gets a couple more full-speed hits in before getting stopped again. Tiny Torque finally gets under Eudial’s side skirts, and starts pushing it toward the IED at very high speed. This is dangerous, Eudial’s not invertable!

Eudial spins away sideways at the last second, but it’s just got too much momentum from that shove. On the other hand, with the resistance suddenly taken away Tiny Torque shoots forward, and both bots end up on the IED. Both get sent flying and wind up inverted. Eudial crashes down hard, bending one of the horns on the cover over its weapon motor. It immediately starts flailing around, skirts and wedgelets flapping everywhere. Tiny Torque rams it a couple times but pretty much just bounces it away, and about when the Ref starts talking about controlled movement Eudial finally makes it back upright.

TT attacks again, but it’s still inverted! Eudial nudges it aside once, then gets up to top speed and Frisbees it again, slamming it into the wall a good three feet up! After that knock TT wisely returns to the IED and takes a third ride, then a fourth, and finally gets back on its wheels.

Not long after this the walls fall away. Tiny Torque manages to send Eudial skidding out-of-control toward the edge, and it bounces off a mini-IED. Ouch, that’s gotta put some serious stress on Eudial’s weapon. It looks like it may be stopped, and Tiny Torque shoves it to the edge again! The bollards come up again, though, and... actually, Eudial’s skirts make it slightly too wide to fit between them, and the bar is definitely too wide! That’s a free fifteen second pin for Tiny Torque, though. Eudial gets away, and delivers a couple more nasty hits... and there’s another attack to the rear! Tiny Torque gets launched towards oblivion, and hits the mini-IEDs while still airborne! It does a kind of weird pirouette and ends up on its side, leaning against the pillar! This is a precarious situation! TT’s driver’s on the other side of the arena, and I’m not sure he can see which way it’s leaning. If he hits the throttle forward because he doesn’t realize he’s inverted, that’ll shoot it towards the edge, and TT’s drivetrain’s fast enough that there might not be time to correct that mistake.

...and it looks like Tiny Torque’s decided to do nothing at all, and just sit there on the brink of oblivion, because there’s fifteen seconds left in the fight anyway. Not sure about that, this has been a close match and not taking the risk and showing aggression in the final moments could sway the judges one way or the other. But Tiny Torque may think they’ve done enough to win it, and – EUDIAL, NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IT’S THE BOOP OF DEATH! Tiny Torque panics and hits the throttle, luckily in the right direction, but as it comes down on its wheels it finally gives Eudial a shot at something besides the wedge! That’s a huge hit! Two wheels go flying across the arena, and Eudial ricochets into the mini-IEDs again. And that’s time! It’s up to the judges now!

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Eudial III 11, Tiny Torque 4

Aggression: Eudial III 6, Tiny Torque 9

Control: Eudial III 8, Tiny Torque 7

Your winner, by a 25-20 Judges’ Decision, is Eudial III!

Storm Worm vs Phobos Anomaly

Both bots start this fight aggressively, Storm Worm barreling around the central hazards on a beeline for the clusterbot, which has lined up with the hammer leading. Drew hesitates for only a split second – he’d prefer to prioritize the clamp, but he’s not about to let its twin just get a free shot, especially when he could flip it. As they meet head to head, the first Phobos twin swings. Popping itself upwards from the force of the impact and crumpling the front of Storm Worm’s central hammer blocker. For its troubles, it gets absolutely chucked, tumbling backwards a considerable distance.

And that was Josh’s plan all along. The saw twin has slipped around the side while Storm Worm was dealing with its other half and is attempting to latch on and saw in. Drew tries to steer away, and his bot’s speed advantage allows him to get partway – it’s an uneven grip and he intermittently has three wheels on the ground instead of two – but the pesky saw bot is gripping and sawing and there are sparks! Lots of them.

The hammer bot, having recovered, also barrels in, unleashing a second blow but missing. Storm Worm is not making this easy. It has enough traction that not only is it threatening to break free, but it’s kind of wiggling the saw bot towards the IED.

WHAM! A hammer blow strikes true and one of Storm Worm’s blockers bites it, having done its job and protected the chassis from any real damage. Meanwhile, a clinical-looking slice has been put into the other side blocker. Drew’s mashing the controller for his bot’s side arms, and they manage to displace the saw from the neat little cut it was making, but they just can’t seem to overpower Phobos Anomaly’s clamp.

WHACK! Another hammer blow. Storm Worm escapes, that same side shield having protected its chassis once again. That thing’s knackered to pieces, though. It won’t hold back a third.

Seeing that he’s being swarmed while clamped, Drew makes a point of chasing down the saw bot, but takes a brutal shot from the hammer for his troubles. The head pierces not only the battered, now-useless shield, it digs a bit into Storm Worm’s chassis as well. Looks like it didn’t hit anything vital, though. The good news, however, is that he’s lined up that saw bot and he…misses his flip.

Wait, no! he charges in while his flipper is still up, using his lifting arms to dig beneath what he views as the more dangerous of the twins and…they’re wedge-locked. Josh presses too. The saw only comes partway down, stuck against the underside of the flipper at a near-vertical, sawing away and throwing up lots of sparks. Immediately, the Alpha Robotics machine pushes its own front up with its side arms, saw still clamped on, and starts edging the trapped saw bot towards the IED. It’s fairly effective, but it also allows the hammer bot to close in and get a free shot on that battered shield that it’s been focusing on. Drew tries to turn to use its partner as a meat shield, but he’s a lot slower with the weight of it on his front and isn’t quite able to get there on time.

Any progress towards the hazard halted, he focuses on keeping his prey in the line of fire from its partner. Meanwhile, the saw Baron just keeps on doing its thing until it inevitably slices right through the bottom of the flipper, releasing its hold and now attempting to waggle free. With the referee starting to prod about the possibility of an unstick, Drew fires his bot’s flipper, and Josh just rams Storm Worm with the other baron. Down comes its partner, squirting away to the side. Down comes the hammer, messing up Storm Worm’s front some more, and up up up goes the little hammer bot as it eats another flip.

The saw is right back around the side and back at it. The walls fall away. Dramatic ‘stakes-raising’ music plays. Storm Worm, with two wheels off the ground, however, isn’t really able to bully Phobos Anomaly like he wants to. He activates the flipper. The arms. The other arms. It’s all for naught. That little bastard is latched on like a lamprey, throwing up a ridiculous number of sparks and putting another slice into the top guard of its opponent.

SMACK! Hammer time! That seems to have crumpled the remains of that hammer shield into Storm Worm’s rear wheel on that side, since it’s putting up less of a struggle. To see something so proud, mighty, and – yes – beautiful at the mercy of these tiny demons is an awful thing to behold, like piranhas swarming a great Jaguar that's fallen into the water.

CRUNCH! There’s another hit, right in the same spot. A wispy, ominous stream of white smoke issues from the hole. The saw makes it to the chassis and begins putting a slice into it, but the pin timer is up, Josh is forced to call off the Barons of Hell, and Storm Worm limps away, still faster, even with a jammed wheel.

With the walls down, he decides to just go for it. Lining straight up on the hammer bot, which Josh is gladly dangling as bait, and barreling into it. It takes its third mighty flip, somersaulting through the air, but lands just short of the mini IEDs. Storm Worm is there for a follow-up, though. The hammer comes down yet again and leaves a sizable dent in the Alpha Robotics machine’s plow, but a fourth flip does it. That pesky hammer bot sails clear of the edge and into the netting.

The only drawback is the completely free shot that the saw gets at Storm Worm’s rear. The trickle of smoke has turned into a stream. Storm Worm is slowing. The saw bot is sawing. With about ten seconds left, Drew tries to turn his bot around and back the little bastard into the mini IEDs to pop it loose, but his bot grinds to a halt. The buzzer goes off just as the referee is asking him o show movement, so we’re going to the judges.

Aggression: 9-6 Storm Worm
Damage: 9-6 Phobos Anomaly
Strategy: 9-6 Phobos Anomaly

Result: Phobos Anomaly wins a 24-21 judges’ decision

Nick's Fuzzy Rules Division (C)

The Thieving Magpie has a bye

Shade Fist vs Piranha Plant

Shade Fist spins up and heads out pretty quickly, Plant taking a more leisurely approach out of the gate. Shade Fist attempts a flank, with Noah spinning the turret, its edge catching and riding up Shade Fist's wedgelets, clipping the edge of the drum and popping the plant up into the air slightly, it landing a little ways away. Badnik capitalises, trying to push in, though the strange domed chassis trumps the wedgelets, Badnik backing off to avoid the returning turret. After a bit more jostling, Shade Fist's wedge slips under the chassis, giving it a solid WHACK! Plant's loose chassis rattles about as it soars once more, though landing somewhat cleanly a second time. Badnik makes another shot, popping it up, and it seems the third time's the charm, with Plant landing on its side. Shade Fist works on pushing Plant along as it spins, trying to self-right as sparks fly from the rim of its base, as the walls drop down. The IED pops up, catching Plant, but giving Shade Fist enough resistance to get a solid strike in, launching Plant higher than its namesake's recovery, it landing on the far side of the IEDs and toppling off.

Your winner, by OotA in 2:11, is Shade Fist!

Cuddle Time! vs The Gnasher

Both bots are off and running pretty quickly. Cuddle Time’s got its scoopey front forks on, let’s see how those do at deflecting Gnasher’s eggbeater. The bots circle each other for a bit, Gnasher trying to get to the side of Cuddle Time, but CT shoves the forks under it, and it looks like they work pretty well! Sparks fly, but Cuddle Time doesn’t, and Gnasher gets bounced backward a foot or so. It veers away and comes in for another attack, but again it’s not getting anything but glancing blows.

After a few more attempts at this, Cuddle Time is able to keep on Gnasher enough that it brings the beater to a near standstill, and the clamp whips down, bringing it to a halt. It tries to lift Gnasher into the air, but first Gnasher’s weapon pod just pivots upward, and then as that runs out of travel room... Cuddle Time flops forward. Long-ass forks + really short outrigger plate + awkward opponent = sadness. CT has to lower its lifter a bit, but that means it can’t really get Gnasher’s wheels off the ground, and its grip isn’t amazing. The bots struggle for a while, with Cuddle Time trying to take Gnasher to wall but Gnasher constantly dragging and pushing it off course.

Thank God there’s a pin limit. Anyway, once Gnasher is released it quickly gets back up to speed and continues the attack. It’s driving more aggressively, really trying to get past Cuddle Time’s forks, but exposes its own side in the process. Cuddle Time gets under it and tries to clamp it, but it looked like it just bit down on the wheels, and Gnasher’s able to get free. And it rapidly pivots around and catches the side of CT’s fork! There’s the first real hit of the match, and Cuddle Time goes up onto its back! It speeds away though, only taking a glancing hit on the back wedge, and is able to self-right quite quickly with its weaponry.

And the excitement continues as... no, I can’t do this anymore. This fight is basically an awkward stalemate. Cuddle Time manages to get one more grab on Gnasher and almost gets it near the general vicinity of approaching the Central IED. Gnasher, for its part, manages to flip CT over again and actually get another solid hit on it before it can self-right because it didn’t drop the clamp quickly enough, but all it manages to do is tear off one of those yellow anti-stranding spikes that really don’t even do anything because Cuddle Time’s ass-wedge is already much wider than its chassis. Other than that, it’s basically just a battle of feeble force meets unstable object.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Cuddle Time 9, Gnasher 6
Aggression: Cuddle Time 6, Gnasher 9
Control: Cuddle Time 10, Gnasher 5

Your winner, by a 25-20 Judges’ Decision, is Cuddle Time!

...but let’s face it, the real loser is the audience.

Killjoy II vs Harrowdown Hill

The battle begins with both bots tracking each other down like heat-seeking missiles, though Killjoy's able to get there first. However, to try and get around HH's wedge, Noisey's elected to press his saw arm into the ground behind him to push the wheel pods into the floor. It's a sound strategy, but in so doing he's raising his wheels slightly off the ground, making an already slightly squirrelly machine that bit harder to control. It's the opening Syl needs, and they take the chance to get in on the sides and deliver a nice hit to the underside of the left wheel pod. Killjoy bounces towards the central IED, with HH in hot pursuit, and it's not able to regain control before HH gets another hit in. This time it's a lot less clean of a hit, and Killjoy is able to self-right and reset before Harrowdown can get in another hit. Realizing that pressing the pods didn't work, Noisey changes tactics, instead facing the spinner head-on and daring Syl to come at him, br- sis- ... sib? We'll go with sib for that one. In any event, they're only too happy to oblige, and HH ploughs straight into Killjoy. This time, the big grey sawbot gets under HH's forks, and Syl has to desperately try and J-hook off the front surface as the lifter comes up. It works - ish. HH is in a very awkward position now, and Noisey's ready to pounce. He charges again and once again gets under Syl's wedge, and this time he brings the saw down whilst bringing up the lifter. The drum grinds against the side pods of the enemy machine, but Harrowdown's top armour isn't providing much resistance to Killjoy's saw as it's paraded around the arena. Finally, the refs force the two apart. HH has sustained an enormous gash in its top armour, and anything that got nicked by the saw probably wasn't helped by it being bounced around by one of the mini-IEDs, but it's still functioning. Aside from some sparks, Killjoy seems none the worse for wear. If this comes down to damage, Harrowdown's very much on the back foot. The two-minute buzzer sounds and the walls drop, with Killjoy going all in on the attack, but once again Noisey's trying to press his wedge with his saw! It didn't work last time, and it won't work this time, and Harrowdown Hill is once again able to get a good, clean bite onto the wheel pods. Syl's going for broke now, pushing and shoving at the side of Killjoy, flicking it with the drum as Noisey tries to regain control before Killjoy gets shoved over the edge. In desperation, Noisey tries to swing the saw arm out to catch on the mini-IED, and it does - throwing up some pretty sparks - but a strike to the weapon arm itself by Harrowdown lifts it up and over the barrier. Killjoy weebles, wobbles, and then falls down, and Syl can thank their lucky stars for that. This was a very narrow escape for them.

Winner: Harrowdown Hill, KO by OOTA, 02:39


Magnolia Pico Division (A)

Harpy has a bye

Manglerfish vs Vortex 3

The battle kicks off, Vortex's screw drive screaming like a dyspeptic goat as it leaves shredded rubber all over the nice, clean floor. I've got to clean that, dickhead. Anyway, the two robots are tear-arsing across the arena to get up in each other's faces, but just as Vortex gets close it strafes to one side, leaving more mess for me to clear up. HFL has a solution to that devious strategy, though. It's called "predicting that the person with the strafe drive setup is gonna try to strafe". Manglerfish turns and easily slides its forks under Vortex's wedge. Suddenly, Vortex starts bouncing around like a mad thing! Its screws aren't making contact with the ground properly, so it's juddering like mad as it tries to get away. Manglerfish is having none of it, and begins to chow down on the screw cover of Vortex. After a few seconds of tussling - not helped by Vortex's hyperactive drive throwing the saw out of true a couple of times - HFL finally cuts through and starts slicing into Vortex's left-hand screw. Lacking any other options, Vortex fires up its lifter and tries to lift the saw off the screw! It even sort of works, but that screw's taken some nasty damage and half the tread's fallen off. It's seriously impeded Vortex's drive, and now Manglerfish is able to move in for the kill. A few more saw pins later and it's all over. Something important and electrical inside Vortex 3 gives up the ghost and we have a very, very clear winner. It's the bot that isn't on fire.

Winner: Manglerfish, KO by Lingchi, 01:48

Jackal vs JEVIL

Both come screaming out of the blocks, with no unorthodox strategies at play. They meet near the IED, and JEVIL immediately goes in for a hit. This does not go according to plan however, as Jackal raises it's top bar to try and block the thwack and then grab a hold of the body. Alex then rams JEVIL into the wall.

This happens a few times, however occasionally JEVIL manages to get a hook on the ladder, and manages to slightly pull Jackal before he manages to get out.

After a minute or so of this, JEVIL switches to horizontal thwacking, for some reason. This just results in Jackal bricking the shit out of it, stopping him and then pushing him into the wall. Again.

Tri quickly realises this isn't working, and tries option number 3: monster-trucking. This also results in the ladder-bar-thing coming up and completely blocking it, and yet again pushing him into the wall.

By this point, time is running out, and tries to hook round the side, and actually manages to do that. However, the lack of torque means that doesn't really do much, aaaaand the bell rings.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Jackal 7, Jevil 8
Aggression: Jackal 7, Jevil 8
Control: Jackal 12, Jevil 3

Your winner, by a 26-19 Judges’ Decision, is Jackal!

Carbonemys vs Lethal Carriageway Mk. 3

At the start of the match Carbonemys moves forward and stops right in front of the floor spinners while on the other side of the arena Lethal Carriageway comes out at full throttle and quickly goes around the spinners and angles-in towards the turtle, said turtle turns in place and immediately hits the top of LC.

From looking at it's face it can be clearly seen that Team TBR's captain is surprised that it's opponent can in fact turn.

Anyways during that nonsense LC did get it's wedge under Carbo and starts pushing it towards the red button, it struggles to keep Carbo on it's wedge because of the spinner and it gets hit by the hammer again but it gets to the IED and up the turtle goes.
At the same time it can be heard from the control booth a crew member from team TBR shout WATCH OUT FOR THE HOUSE ROBOTS and LC immediately backs away and one of Da m0nStaW0ks's crew members can be seen staring at team TBR with a very confused face.

After all of that nonsense hammerboi falls the right way up and goes back to the frontier between the regular floor and the spiny floor. LC goes at it again, Carbo fires it's hammer and misses horribly, giving a chance to the brick to get under and push it, only for Carbonemys to monstertruck it.

TBR makes a 180° turn and charges again before it's opposition can do it's turn so now it can more easily push it to the IED reversing the fuck out of there immediately after because reasons.

This time the turtle falls the wrong side up, Lethal Carriageway charges at it lifting it's forks up BUT Carbonemys self rights before LC reaches it and now they are facing each other. Carbo is the one that wins this wedge war and LC gets high centered so turtle boi has no problem pushing it while comboing it with it's hammer, there goes a front wheel. A few hits later the other front wheel gets destroyed and the power of that particular blow shaked it enough for his rear wheels to touch the ground, letting it escape.

After that they go back to their usual no too interesting routine of Lethal Carriageway ramming Carbonemys while getting consistently hit by the hammer, sometimes succeeding while other times getting monstertrucked, for a minute or so. Then LC manages to get turtlebot thrown by then big IED and it landed the wrong way up again. TBR lifts it's forks again and this time it did reach its opponent before it could self right. He proceeds to push it around the arena for a few moments and then the time runs out.

Aggression: Carbonemys: 7 - Lethal Carriageway Mk. 3: 8
Damage: Carbonemys: 13 - Lethal Carriageway Mk. 3: 2
Strategy: Carbonemys: 11 - Lethal Carriageway Mk. 3: 4

Your winner, by a 31-14 Judges’ Decision, is Carbonemys!

Frogbot 2000 Division (B)

Dragonfist has a bye

Neophyte Redglare vs Marksman

Marksman gets the first flip in by going in between the two wedgelets on the front of NR. NR self rights slowly, but gets back up. Neophyte then picks it up and carries it across the arena to a mini IED. Now repeat the last sentence read and then take out the word mini. It seems that while occasionally using the flipper to jump off, Marksman can't get anything going when NR is always underneath pushing it around. It's wheels aren't touching the floor when it's being lifted from the front. It gets another couple flips in, but there isn't much more it can do. It does a pretty good job of keeping away from the fallen walls.

Aggression: 10-5 Neophyte Redglare
Damage: 8-7 Neophyte Redglare
Strategy: 10-5 Neophyte Redglare

Your winner by 28-17 decision is Neophyte Redglare!

Scion vs Psychosis

Psychosis kind of tips its hand by raising its arm up during the twitch test, but that also means it has time to get its bar spun up by the time Scion gets across the arena, which otherwise is no guarantee even on Vertigo. That thing is fast! It tries to circle around to Psychois’s side, which isn’t particularly effective since Pyschosis has a quick drivetrain. It ends up getting under it at an angle, and Psychosis brings the weapon down, trying to get it over the top of Scion’s wedge. However, it doesn’t have the reach to pull it off, and just glances harmlessly off the upper section, in addition to spinning itself around and making its blade hit the floor. Now it has to raise it and spin back up, and in the meantime Scion gets under it at an angle and rams it into the wall. The hit isn’t blade-first, but the force is still enough to bounce Psychosis off pretty hard and make it land on its side, and there’s some more blade-to-floor contact.

Anyway, after a few more inconsequential hits that make it clear that Psychosis doesn’t actually have the ability to reach over Scion’s plow, at least not enough to actually hit its chassis, it gets a hit at an angle... which is significant because Scion’s plow is only actually sturdy in the middle. A direct hit to the sides? Ouch. Psychosis tears a massive gash through the side of the plow and is only really stopped by the thicker center section. It also launches itself away, and thanks to gyroscopic shenanigans and the high center of gravity it has with that weapon spinning it ends up on its side. It lowers the lifter and flops onto its back, then raises it again to try to self-right, but in the meantime Scion scoops it up and gives it a powerful shove – oh, into the central IED!

Psychosis gets sent flying, and comes down right on top of the piston before tumbling off. It self-right successfully, using the spinner and lifter functions in synergy, and drives off, but it looks like the top cover on the right side has partially come loose.

The fight keeps going, and basically devolves into Scion knocking Psychosis around the arena. It’s got a very high CG with the weapon raised, as mentioned, and if it gets wedged the blade tilts and gyroscopic forces can cause awkwardness. On the other hand, with both bots tilting and moving and Psychosis moving its weapon arm around, it’s extremely unpredictable for both drivers and Psychosis is able to get some solid hits. The left outside red part of Scion’s plow gets ripped off entirely, and at one point it makes the mistake of reversing at the wrong time and brings the thwack head down into Psychosis’s blade, which tears the hammer head off and twists the arm.

Psychosis, however, gets pushed into the IED again, and takes another huge flip. It lands hard on the weapon arm, and while it bounces back onto its wheels it looks like the blade is now stuck in a partially-raised position. Scion takes advantage of this: Psychosis now can’t turn without suffering from severe gyroscopic forces, and Scion makes it faceplant, then gets under its side and slams it into the wall again. Psychosis gets away and spins back up, but the walls fall away.

Scion comes in at an angle again, but Psychosis still manages to get some solid contact, tossing itself away like a leaf. It tosses itself on its side, where it’s propped due to the stuck lifter arm. The weapon twitches as it tries to free itself, but it doesn’t look like it can pull it off! Can Scion take advantage? It doesn’t look like it can! Scion is stuck going in circles! It looks like the right side of the plow finally got bent back into the wheel! It’s still crabbing its way across the arena though, and Psychosis isn’t moving! Some smoke comes out of the weapon arm! Five... four... three... two... one... it’s over!

Your winner, by knockout in 2:33, is Scion!

I Suck At Names vs Jawsome

Jawsome's plan goes a bit off the rails from the get-go since it turns out that 5 speed isn't quite fast enough to traverse the entire length of the arena before ISAN has the weapon up to full speed. Undaunted, Jawsome charges towards the spinner anyway, not roaring though. Contrary to what Jaws: The Revenge would try to make you believe sharks don't roar. The dome head absorbs the hit decently well, though now it has a dent like a blowhole. Jawsome is now Dolphintastic I suppose. The impact separates them enough so that ISAN is able to get the weapon pointed back in Jawsome's direction before Jawsome can get back in. Jawsome at least doesn't have to worry about the dome taking much in the way of damage when it charges into ISAD, but he doesn't seem able to find a good opening to clamp down on him and take control of the fight. Jawsome gets a bit of a breakthrough by forcing ISAD over an IED that throws the spinner off balance, but it doesn't cause much physical damage to it. It at least allows Jawsome to smother it against the wall for a little bit, but trying to clamp ISAD down still isn't going very well. Some shoving puts ISAD over another IED, but that also allows ISAD to get out from between Jawsome and the wall. Then we're back to ISAD knocking away at the nigh-invulnerable dome of Jawsome as the timer steadily ticks away. There's no real thought of trying to get ISAD to the center of the arena. Jawsome just can't get good enough control over the spinner at any point to attempt it. By the time the fight is over, the dome looks like someone's been throwing a lot of rocks at it, with dents scattered all over the front of it.

Aggression: 12-3 Jawsome
Damage: 13-2 I Suck At Names
Strategy: 9-6 I Suck At Names

I Suck At Names wins 25-20

Black Dog Division (C)

Chronic Jobber has a bye

Diablo Genesis III vs Axe N' Kill

Diablo goes out of the gate quick, Axe N' Kill taking a slower approach. Diablo hits AnK with its flipper quickly, tanking one strike from the axe before the flipper pops open, tipping AnK over onto its back. AnK retracts its axe, tipping up enough to get a wheel on the ground, wobbling about a bit whilst Diablo nudges it a little, managing to get that last wheel off the ground. AnK kind of wibbles a little, before it gets counted out.

Diablo Genesis III wins by KO in 0:34.

NKC vs Super Youkai Warhead

Noah has the drive advantage yet has less torque. Good thing that doesn't matter! Oh wait.

He also says to go for any part of NKC that isn't on the ground. The clamping mechanism isn't on the ground, so he goes for that. JUST KIDDING. I assume he means go straight at NKC, who responds in like fashion. We get a deadlock that may or may not have been predictable. Coolio. Dylan wants to saw off one of the tracks on Super Youkai Warhead, but you see there is this thing called a wedge in the way, and the saw can't reach far enough to get over it. Even if it could, SYW has the clamp array blocking the saw anyway. So Dylan settles for just sawing that. SYW makes this a bit hard since Noah's moving the array, so the saw can't get the best purchase. Hey, it's not the best damage, but it's something. Perhaps the more pressing issue for SYW is that, despite the rather shaky hold, NKC actually has SYW upended slightly, and is able to keep with him. Thus, NKC is able to kinda control where he can take SYW, but SYW makes that just a little too hard with the fact that his tracks are on the floor. Dylan hasn't sliced anything off yet, so I guess he's not going to the IED yet. Plus, the house robots would make that a daunting task in itself. I mean, if they were being used in the fight, I guess. Aight. Well eventually SYW gets free and we're back to square one. They lock horns again like bull moose. Had to throw something vaguely Canadian in there. Ooh, poutine! *nom nom nom* That hit the spot. Back to the match. NKC still seems to have the upper hand with the pushing power and it's showing as SYW cannot gain control of the situation, and is being corralled around the arena, though NKC isn't having as much fun as he wants as SYW continues to have the end of the treads on the ground and is throwing NKC off-course. One of the wedges on SYW is being slowly sawed, but sawing a wedge like that is pretty much superficial damage at best. It still counts in a judges' decision, I reckon. Okay, NKC lets him go. SYW moves back in. Another deadlock. NKC can't clamp properly this time. SYW escapes. We having fun yet? The audience look on in boredom as NKC continues to have only a slight advantage in the match, which SYW could overturn at any moment, if he manages to get all the way underneath NKC. He doesn't. Deadlock. NKC gets the lifter under for the third time. SYW dodges before the clamp comes. Oh, we're 2 minutes in. Walls fall. Are we going to have a Ring Out? Dylan pours the pressure on and SYW... oh. He actually got all the way under. Whoops, NKC backed off before SYW could fully clamp him. We get another collision and now NKC is under SYW enough to clamp and saw again. But yeah, the same problem of SYW's tracks still being on the ground makes it hard for NKC to steer him. Nonetheless NKC tries to get him near the arena edge, but a quick swing from SYW nearly throws NKC onto the mini-IEDs! Ooh. That was close. NKC tries to swing him back around, but SYW is having none of it and continues to hold NKC off until the buzzer finally goes off. That wedge on SYW looks rather sliced up, but I'm sure Noah has like 100 replacements for it. Judges?

Aggression: 9-6 NKC
Damage: 10-5 NKC
Strategy: 8-7 NKC

NKC wins by a 27-18 judges' decision.

Harbinger vs Pizza That Eats You

Alright, next up we have perennial fav – oh wait, people don’t know how to seed and they ranked it in the middle of the pack!? – anyways, Harbinger vs a slice of pizza, of the carnivorous variety, apparently. No, vegans, I don’t mean that it has meat. I mean that it’s Pizza that Eats You. Well, this match begins with Harbinger jetting out of its starting square. I mean, it’s a fast bot. It rockets around the central hazard zone, because Josh knows that DIRECT INTERVENTION IS NECESSARY, and…

Well, let’s pause for a moment and appreciate the strategic brilliance of Pizza that Eats You. Spinning up its weapon, it decides not to use the wall as a back stop to cut off potential outflanking maneuvers. I mean, I guess I can see why. Those mini-IEDs could disrupt its weapon. That must mean it’s heading for the central hazards, which it’ll cannily use in the same manner. Hmm, nope. Doesn’t seem to be doing that. At least the fact that the blisteringly quick Harbinger was forced to divert around the hazards allows it to get yup to speed before DIRECT INTERVENTION IS… not necessary?

With all the speed of your average rave, Harbinger just jets right on past Pizza that Eats You as the cumbersome spinner attempts to turn. Josh just keeps that joystick mashed and keeps circling and, realizing that “teleports behind u” is about to happen forreals, Tcrrr tries to charge in at his opponent. Lolnope.

Harbinger gets right in behind, which is just where Josh likes it, and with its shallow-as-a-popstar’s-Grammy-speech plow, manages to lift the big spinner’s wheels off of the ground. Aaaaaaannnnnd into the spinners we go. Harbinger loses control for a split second before reestablishing it. The Pizza gets tossed. Someone in the ground catches a figurative flying pepperoni. Anyways, Tcrrr quickly gets right back into open space, trying to spin up, but Harbinger has 'fuk u m8' levels of speed, so Josh actually…no wait, he circles again, generously allowing pizza to start death humming.

Doesn’t matter. More circling, another attack attempt. A miss. A scoop. Another trip to the hazard. Does this pizza have funky chicken on it? Anyways, Harbinger catches it once again and just tanks a half-powered hit on its plow. Splat into the walls goes Pizza that Eats You. One mini IED, ha ha haa. Two mini IED, ha ha haa. Three mini IED, ha ha haaaaa! This is getting ugly. That blade’s spinning up a good amount slower, and one of the rear corners of the pizza is crumpled. Harbinger backs off as the pin timer expires, and the rookie machine starts spinning back up as it edges gingerly away from the wall. It looks like some buckled armour is interfering with its left wheel. Well, that also means that it can’t get reliably far enough from the wall for Josh to circle it. We’re also approaching the 2:00 mark, so he’s not about to risk being in the Smash Bros. ring out zone either.

What results is actually a hit for Pizza! Seeking an advantage, Josh cuts it a bit too close and Pizza waggles back, catching the corner of Harbinger’s plow, tearing a sizable gouge, and spinning it away just as the walls fall! Josh recovers control just as his bot skids into one of the mini IEDs, but doesn’t need its help to stay inbounds. With the clock starting to wind down and his primary strategy of getting behind not viable, Josh settles for a good old-fashioned rush, hoping to catch pizza at low power.

No dice. The spinner is able to get off a near-full-power hit, and the effects are devastating. Harbinger’s plow is shredded, and torn clean off one of its hinges, barely hanging on with the other. That’s the good news for Tcrr. The bad news is that his bot launches itself up, sideways, and right between a pair of mini IEDs. Pizza that Eats you ends up out of the arena and in the safety netting. Harbinger escapes with a win. I sure hope that Josh has an extra plow.

Result: Harbinger wins by OOTA at 2:28

Mastodon... Extinction (HW)
Osiris... Armageddon! (MW)
Elrathia... ROBOTS (LW)
Magnolia Pico... Ruination 4 (MW)
RipTide... ROBOT2 (FW)

The Monsterworks: 149 - 43 (.776) ...Probably up to no good.
The Cherry Bomb Classic III: 7-0Show
Carbonemys: 3-0
Black Diamond: 2-0
I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!: 2-0

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The Monsterworks
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Re: The Cherry Bomb Classic III: Fight Cards, Brackets, and Writing Assignments

Post by The Monsterworks » Sat Feb 09, 2019 11:49 pm

Heya! Welcome back! How about that heat, eh? Good to see that you survived our first week. Hopefully your results are what you were hoping they'd be. Not posted yet? Patience, friend. They will be. All good things take time. Anyways, the show must go on, and at least we've got all-expenses-paid accommodations at the ultra-swanky Burj Al Arab. So, this week, with our heavyweights and superheavyweights up it's back to the helipad. I hope you're not afraid of heights! Of course, the arena's the same as last week but I'll post it again since I'm a nice guy.


Vertigo by Floating Castle Robotics on Sketchfab

Name: Vertigo

Location: Dubai, UAE

Layout: Circular

Size: 60 ft diameter - 2827 square feet

Intended Use: LW-SHW Singles and Doubles

Theme: Helicopter landing pad

Floor Materials: painted steel

House Robots: In tournaments that allow house robots, this arena has two, Genghis and Colonel Mordread, which patrol the ring around the central hazard. However, CBC3 will not be employing them this time around.

Hazards and Features:
  • Immediate Ejection Device (1) - This enormous floor piston is located in the center of the arena and pops up beneath bots that drive over it, launching them high into the air and dealing moderate to heavy impact damage when they land in addition to potentially flipping them over.
  • Fall Away Walls - The arena walls are five feet high, meaning that only the strongest flippers can manage to flip opponents over them for the first two minutes of the match. However, at the 2:00 mark, they fall away, making OOTAs tantalizingly easy for the remainder of the fight.
  • Micro IEDs (32) - These small floor pistons ring the edges of the arena. For the first two minutes, they pop up under robots that drive over them, disrupting traction and dealing no to light damage. During the final minute, they pop up in advance of robots barreling over the edge, forcing drivers seeking an OOTA to employ at least some strategy. This hazard has been modified. There are now 64 Micro IEDs spaced about 2.5 feet apart.
  • Danger Zone (optional - 2) - The two concentric rings that are occasionally home to the house robots can be turned into floor spinners for fights without house robots. These only deal no to light damage, but they can disrupt traction and spin robots away.

Achievement: Don't Need No Special Rules! - Score an OOTA while the walls are still up.

The Fight Card

Below are the week's fights. RPs will be due on Saturday, February 16, at 11:59 PM EST. The RP limit is usually 400 words, but it will be 500 for this round. Remember to inform your opponent of configuration choices. You will also be required to post the stats of both combatants in your RP post. This doesn't take long, helps the writers immensely, and won't count towards the word limit. Please do it. if I see enough people not doing it, failure to do so will result in you forfeiting the match come week three.





Richter Division (A)

Compound Fracture has a bye

Perdito vs Shadow Mk 5

Both bot get out of their respective squares.
They both charge at each other and Perdito gets under and then throws Shadow a few feet away.
Now take the previous sentence and repeat it over and over again for the rest of the match except that around 15% of the time (so 2 or maybe 3 times) shadow gets under and it's drum hits Perdito, Throwing it quite a bit up and dealing no damage.
Judge's Decision:
Damage: Peridito 6 - Shadow Mk 5 9
Aggression: Peridito 8 - Shadow Mk 5 7
Control: Peridito 9 - Shadow Mk 5 6

Your winner, by a 24-21 decision, is Perdito!

Meta Ridley vs Bass Drop II

Both bots start off leaving their squares, Meta Ridley progressing more compared to Bass Drop. Seems Hii's holding back a bit, keeping Bass Drop's front facing Meta Ridley. NWOWWE isn't fazed, closing in with the disk. Bass Drop fires the hammer, striking the disk enough to force Ridley to spin away from the recoil. It doesn't take long for Ridley to recover, though, approaching Bass Drop once again, in reverse gear this time. The tail makes contact with BD's front, Ridley suddenly turning for a second strike, with BD's hammer firing again in reaction. Once again, the two weapons collide, though this time it's not just Ridley taking damage. BD's rolling pin is looking a bit off-kilter as it retracts, one of the arms bent enough to prevent it from slotting in all the way. Ridley's recoiled again, spinning up for a third strike, once again being deflected by a strike from BD's hammer. It's a solid tactic, that's working well at fending off Ridley's forward and reverse strikes, but it doesn't last forever. Around the last 25 seconds of the match, another hammer block causes the entire rolling-pin head of the arm to come clean off. Hii immediately swaps to defensive manoeuvres, flipping the bot around, but NWOWWE recovers faster than usual from the strike and runs a vicious-looking gash in the side of Bass Drop's chassis. NWOWWE keeps spinning up and pressuring, managing to get in a few more nasty chunks torn out of the back of Bass Drop, but it's not enough to secure the KO before the buzzer goes. Looks like this is down to the judges to decide. Both bots are fairly scraped up, though one a lot more than the other.

Judge's Decision:
Damage: 12-3, Meta Ridley
Aggression: 9-6, Meta Ridley
Control: 12-3, Bass Drop II

Your winner, by a 24-21 decision, is Meta Ridley!

Trashman vs Long Arm of the Law

Trashman vs Long Arm of the Law

This match starts off with Trashman leaving his square; his two minibots spacing themselves away, but keeping within about a 10ft. Radius around the main bot. They don’t appear to move all that quickly or armed with any weaponry, but they can cause trouble in other ways. Meanwhile, LAotL heads directly for Trashman, ignoring the minibots. The two impact head-on and a wedging war ensues and it looks like neither has a clear advantage over the other.

However, LAotL has a bit more power in his drive motors and manages to ever-so-slightly get his lifter under Trashman. Trashman tries to counter using his combination forklift/clamper/flamethrower-but LAotL manages to get Trashman up and over while shoving it toward the ring of mini-IEDs towards the outer wall.
Fortunately, for Trashman, the outer walls are still in place, as we are only about 1 minute into this fight. LAotL pushes Trashman into one of the mini-IEDs which goes off, but does very little in the way of damage to Trashman. Long Arm then goes after the two minibots. It manages to catch one and quickly flip it over, but the other is able to somehow jam itself into the back of Long Arm and now LAotL is unable to move! It does break free just before a countout can start; but, in the meantime, Trashman is able to self-right and heads right for Long Arm and catches it before Nighthawk can turn around to confront.

Trashman gets under a rear corner of Long Arm and gets the bot fully onto his forklift and clamps down, while spewing fire the whole time-ooh, I wonder if that could be melting Long Arm’s treads any? Anyway, LAotL is firmly in the grasp of Trashman and now V900 is just parading Long Arm around the arena, then dumps him onto the surviving minibot in an attempt to strand LAotL.
Trashman then waits, but Long Arm is able to get free. Another wedging war ensues and, once again, Trashman is able to get the upper hand and hauls Long Arm up onto it’s forklift and clamps down, while spewing more fire. I can smell the burning rubber now-surely the treads are taking some heat damage. Now, we’re at the 2-minute mark and the walls fall away. Let’s see if Trashman will ‘take out the trash’? (hehe). No, I don’t think Trashman wants to risk straying too close to the arena’s edge. He heads for the center of the arena, and the main IED hazard. But, LAotL is fighting to free itself from being launched. It does when the ref calls for Trashman to release his hold. The two bots then scuffle for a bit on the rings surrounding the central IED until time runs out-neither gaining a clear advantage over the other.

Well, time for the judges to sort this one out:

Damage: 9-6 Trashman
Aggression: 8-7 LAotL
Control: 9-6 Trashman

Your winner by a 25-20 decision, is Trashman!

Wedgelord Division (B)

Dreadnought Mk. 4 has a bye

Chimera vs Something Something Cluster Bot

We’ve got two – or rather three – very quick, maneuverable bots here. Fun fact: Chimera has as many wheels as both halves of Something Something combined. But Something Something has M E C A N U M S !

Anyway, Chimera heads out to the right of the central IED, and both halves of Something Something go for it. They split up, with the purple half going for Chimera’s front while the blue half strafes around to try to get behind it. Chimera commits to going for Purple and Purple proceeds to run away like a little bitch. Blue also starts catching up to Chimera, and Chimera figures out the ruse and swerves around to go for Blue. Blue ends up slamming into its front corner and getting under it. It clamps down, and Chimera’s not in a position to directly know the clamp arms away with its flipper. However, since Maxi apparently didn’t bother putting on his optional outriggers, it can’t actually lift an opponent twice its weight into the air. It starts dragging it towards the IED with some effort, but after a couple flips and a bit of back-and-forth struggling Chimera gets free.

The battle basically becomes a high-speed pushing and ramming fest. Chimera isn’t getting the better of the exchanges that much, but there’s only so much the clusterbots can really do to it, and actually it looks like the twins are taking a beating here! Both of them have multiple bent forks, there are mecanum rollers missing because their wheels are exposed right on the front of the bots and Chimera’s wedge just rides up the lifters into them, and at one point Chimera breaks free of a grab by firing its flipper directly into the clamp, which flings it violently back and bends the whole thing in the middle.

Anyway, Chimera finally gets under Purple and gives it a massive flip! It goes sailing across the arena and comes down hard, skidding into the wall. It self-right, but it’s now really limping. I don’t know how many wheels are working but it sure ain’t for. Blue gets under Chimera again and pins it against the wall, but after getting released it too gets caught and flung away, and almost goes over the central IED. Blue’s stuck on its back now with only its rear wheels touching the ground. Chimera moves in for the kill on Purple... and away it flies! Good grief, that bot is outta there! The wall’s still up, but Chimera doesn’t care because it’s basically flipping a middleweight!

Blue’s still working, and manages to hold on to the end of the match despite taking a couple more flips, but it really isn’t doing much anymore. It’s having drive issues too, and the clamp seems to be dead at this point.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Chimera 15, Something Something Clusterbot 0

Aggression: Chimera 6, Something Something Clusterbot 9

Control: Chimera 8, Something Something Clusterbot 7

Your winner, by a 29-16 Judges’ Decision, is Chimera!

Hellfire vs Pendulum II

The match begins and oh no! Instead of controlling his bot and fighting the opponent, TBR forgot to show up to the match! And then Pendulum II starts doing a wacky, uncharacteristic thing and loses the match. This is so sad. Make sure to like, subscribe, and hit that notification bell.

Hellfire wins by a silly and random victory condition in 69:69 (that's the sex number!)

Tabor Mk 3 vs Golden Blaze

Out of the blocks, Golden Blaze manages to spin right up, whilst Tabor comes rushing i.. THWACK!!! There's an almighty collision, and when the smoke clears, Golden Blaze is spinning back up again, whilst Tabor comes into box rush, with slight damage on the wedge, but it appears to be just cosmetic. They collide again, this time with far less recoil. Golden Blaze tries to run , but it's lack of control means that Tabor is back on it immediately, and this time stops the blade. Tabor then pushes GB into the wall, and flips him over. At this point, it's pretty obvious how this is gonna end.

Your Winner, by KO in 0:54, is Tabor Mk. 3!

Broken Ghost Division (C)

Black Diamond has a bye

Coup de Grâce IV vs Terminating Cutter Gen. III

Terminating Cutter has opted for its horizontal configuration to take on the infamous hammer of Coup De Grace. It spins up and gets out of its square, and Coup’s already going right on the attack. Terminating Cutter veers off to the right and tries to veer into Coup’s side, but Coup De Grace turns and stuffs its wedge into TC’s blade. TC still clips the corner and immediately puts a hole in the wedge, and Coup isn’t able to line up a shot with the hammer, but the impact bounces Terminating Cutter away. The blade scrapes the floor a bit, but both bots are still stable.

A little more jockeying for position, and Coup de Grace ends up attacking the side of TC as it tries to do some sort of flanking maneuver. There’s still a blade there, though! Sparks fly, and Coup De Grace fires! Both bots get sent spinning away, and there’s debris on the arena floor! I don’t see any obvious damage to Terminating Cutter, but Coup De Grace’s hammer head has a big chunk taken out of it, and the arm is noticeably bent and twisted. It retracts it though, and... ahh, there’s what came off, the rubber bumper meant to keep Coup’s hammer from hitting its own wedge has been torn off.

Anyway, Terminating Cutter’s knocked into the outer floor spinner, and takes a second to regain control. Coup de Grace rams it and sends it reeling again, and then another ram knocks it off balance and makes it hit the floor fairly hard! The blade is stopped! It starts to spin up and maneuver away to give itself more spaced, but Coup de Grace’s on it again, and drops the hammer right on top of the weapon frame! Ouch! That blow brings Terminating Cutter’s spinner grinding, somewhat literally, to a halt, as well as carving off about the bottom inch of Coup de Grace’s hammer head. The hammer’s gone right into the big gap in the middle, although it looks like one of the support tubes is buckled downward.

Coup De Grace gets its hammer retracted, but Terminating Cutter doesn’t spin back up. There’s a broken chain dragging on the arena floor, and that bar is just dead weight! Coup De Grace now has the only wedge and the only functioning weapon, and easily takes control of the fight, raining down blows mostly on the weapon support frame, but finally getting one on the actual chassis of Terminating Cutter that knocks a big dent in it and stops the right drive wheel. At this point it’s kind of limping in circles, but only weakly, and taps out after taking another big hit.

Your winner, by knockout in 2:18, is Coup De Grace IV!

Death Metal vs Necroblade

The battle kicks off with both bots looking to close in as they spin up, and Necroblade's speed advantage means it's able to get in there first. Necroblade's being driven by a ringer this week as Badnik is busy doing something unspeakably depraved with five German steelworkers and a bucket of fishing bait, and the undercutter's looking to snipe Death Metal's wheels by taking advantage of the Tombclone's control differential. It's a good plan, but DM only has to get lucky once, and the first charge from Necro doesn't work at all HOLY MOLEY! DM's long bar slides into Necro's chassis and tears the entire weapon mounting out! The undercutting disc frisbees out across the arena and embeds itself into the wall. Necro's got nothing and tries to run away, but it's belching smoke and one more hit shreds it completely.

Winner: Death Metal, KO by Evisceration, 00:59

Petaflare vs Spitfire

We’ve got two kinda of unconventional designs here, a lifty-clampy-flamethrower against a crusher! Both robots come out with their jaw things open like they’re yawning at each other. Spitfire gives a little burst from its flamethrower, and Petaflare responds by setting off its derpy spark cannon things, which does absolutely nothing.

Anyway, Petaflare’s being a bit cautious here. After a bit of jockeying for position Spitfire gets its wedge underneath one of Peta’s self-righting wings. It tries to clamp down on it but can’t get the positioning right and Peta turns away. Now Petaflare actually gets under Spitfire’s front wedge. Down comes the crushing beak, but again Spitfire gets away. A couple more exchanges and Spitfire finally gets the grip it’s looking for, and starts pushing Petaflare around, but Petaflare drags it off course and eventually raises its wings and puts both bots into an awkward tilted situation until Spitfire lets go. By this point the paint on the wing is scorched and blistered, but no other real damage caused. Oh, and Petaflare keeps its wings raised after that.

Petaflare does eventually get a grip on Spitfire, and the beak first scrapes along the surface of the wedge then with some effort punches a hole through. Spitfire can’t do anything about it but push, but push it does, and Petaflare’s driven back against the arena wall once, then twice. It eventually has to release, and Spitfire’s outa there! Not the arena, I mean Petaflare’s jaws.

At this point the fight is very evenly matched, and if I’m honest not in a very interesting way. Petaflare puts another hole in Spitfire’s wedge, but also gets wedged and pushed around a bit. Finally it charges in with enough force to get Spitfire high enough up on its wedge to actually bite into the top of it. Spitfire’s trying to drag them into the central IED, but Petaflare’s just making it impossible to go in a straight line. Meanwhile, Spitfire’s top armor dents, then punctures, then curls down under the pressure... and there’s a little puff of vapor and both bots are engulfed in flames! What happened there? Petaflare raises its impaled victim up on its claw, but with the weight that far forward it can barely drive. It lowers it, and by some sort of mutual agreement both machines drive onto the central IED. They got tossed in the air and crash down on the floor spinner, still locked in an embrace of death. They’re on their side, and Spitfire’s chassis is in the way of Petaflare’s srimech... oh, finally they’re free with five seconds left. Spitfire drives off, inverted, and Petaflare self-rights as fast as it can and basically just demonstrates mobility before time runs out.

The safety crew are in with fire extinguishers, and since the fire actually went out it’s presumably from a punctured fuel line on Spitfire’s flamethrower. The bot is smoking internally, though, so some other damage may have been done, and the judges ask it to demonstrate functionality on the clamp... and nothing happens.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Petaflare 13, Spitfire 2

Aggression: Petaflare 5, Spitfire 10

Control: Petaflare 5, Spitfire 10

Your winner... by a 23-22 Judges’ Decision, is... Petaflare!


YOU DIED division (A)

Starfish Prime has a bye

Shellshock vs TAT

This is a really bad matchup for TAT; going up against a superheavyweight version of one of the top seeds in the middleweight division with big slab sides and not much armour. TAT's still game, though, and charges forward when the battle starts to... no effect whatsoever. The Big Boy Flails attached to the bottom of Shellshock batter their way through the side armour of TAT with consummate ease, and the poor drum spinner doesn't even get a shot off before its innards are sprayed all over the arena, most of them collecting on the central floor spinners like the worst ever round on the Generation Game. Shellshock coasts to a victory.

Winner: Shellshock, KO by THAT MAN HAD A FAMILY, 00:36

Dysprosinator vs Maurdread

Can we stop for a second to appreciate the quality of these RPs. To give you an idea, if we add both of them together the result is like 2/5 as long as my usual RPs, and don't let me get started on their actual content. Seriously, it looks that they where trying to out do each other for who can put the least effort into their RP.

Oh yeah, they are going to fight so they both get out of the colored squares with some caution and start heading towards each other from the same side of the floor spinners. Some seconds pass by and now Maurdread's drum has reached full speed and Dysprosinator decides to charge at it's opponent. M gets it's wedge under D and lands a mediocre hit that flips Team Team British Robotics entry. Said British bot starts to self right while the french bot goes around and hits it from the side when its about to finish, D does a full sideways roll and ends up with it's wheels on the ground. TBR naturally goes for a charge now that his opponent doesn't have a weapon at full power.

Mystic tries to angle-in but fails to do so and Dysprosinator gets under and uses it's lifter to flip the high CoM'ed mess that is Maurdread. Now Dyspro starts to carefully push Maurdread, not to the IED mind you, around it. it's a weird sight for sure, it looks like TBR is chasing the ghost of a house robot or something. After some seconds of this the drum reaches full power and Mystic had enough of this shit and so the VTEC KE-transfer srimech kicks-in bro and Maurdread flies away to victory, actually landing the right way up near the wall. TBR quickly drives D at his opponent and goes for an attack BUT M angles in and hits it. And up Dyspro goes, and then lands right in the middle of the big IED and up it goes again. When it hits the ground it can be heard a loud oof.

After that incident Mystic approaches TBR's bot while it self rights, after he does that D goes for another charge, gets under and flips M. Then he starts pushing it towards the wall. When they are about to reach the wall, Mystic having none of this shit says out loud -Sorry my planet needs me- and fires it's srimech and then Maurdread goes up into the sky and over the fucking wall into out of the arena land. Everyone on the drivers both starts laughing at the stupidity of what just happened.

I guess that, technically, Your winner, by OOTA in 1:38, is Dysprosinator!

Triple 6 vs Black Mamba

Ever seen a fight where one bot has just enough of an advantage in the relevant stats that what seemed like a close-run thing going in ends up being a stomp? That's this fight. Black Mamba spends much of the first two minutes leveraging its pressing wedge and gonzo levels of torque to keep Triple 6 on the back foot. Alex V is an old hand at the baiting game and, while Danielle makes one or two attempts to do the same, he's able to get the scarily powerful flipper to misfire a couple of times and end up on its back. What follows are some good old John Ruiz tactics (don't know who that is? Google him) as the American machine is consistently on the end of a smothering onslaught. Triple 6 doesn't spend the entire fight on the bottom, to be fair. It manages to hook away the majority of the time when wedged, and it gets one really meaty flip in, absolutely tossing its British opponent towards the edge of the arena but, despite doing a gnarly 540, Black Mamba isn't quite close enough to go up and over. The end result is that, by the time we reach the 2:00 mark and the walls fall away, the Team Stealth machine's flips seem to be growing noticeably weaker.

Of course, now, any room for error has disappeared. Alex V baits his opponent one more time, attempting to get her to misfire so that he can jam his bot's pistons right into her flipper mechanism but, by this junction, Danielle has seen so much baiting that she makes the snap decision not to hesitate at all. Triple Six gets beneath, as it has been able to do very occasionally in this match and to little prior effect. Black Mamba eats a weakened flip, but even that's still enough to turn it turtle. Seizing its opportunity, Triple 6 darts forward. The arena's edge is looming nearby but Black Mamba self-rights without issue. However, it does so right near Triple 6's flipper. There wasn't much other option aside from remaining on its back and eating a near-automatic OOTA. A second flip from the American machine sends it into the Micro-IEDs, but they don't have quite the reach to stop it from tumbling over and...out. And just like that, what looked to be a fairly straightforward victory for the highly-regarded Ice Cubed Robotics entry ends in a sudden upset by OOTA. It's a scenario that Alex Valentine will be well familiar with, though he's certainly far more used to being on the other side of the equation.

Result: Triple 6 wins by OOTA at 2:27

Tax Cutter Division (B)

Cruelty has a bye

Phantasmic Slammer vs OverCleaver

Honestly, anyone who actually ignores the arena they're in for the week and doesn't take care to read what it's about and what's in it before strategizing is an idiot.

But that's just my take.

Anyway, Phantasmic Slammer drives straight over the IED and gets tossed into the air, lol pwned n00b. However, he comes right back down on all four wheels, and manages to tank the blow of OverCleaver like a champ. We then get an extended period of minor hits from OverCleaver that do a big fat goose egg to Slammer's armour, and Slammer getting underneath OverCleaver but failing to get him over. Eventually however, Slammer gets the flip he wanted and OverCleaver is turned on its head. It tries to tilt onto one of its wheels, but the bar really prevents this and OverCleaver is counted out.

Phantasmic Slammer wins by a knockout in 1:34.

Hartmann's Youkai Bot II vs Equisde

Well, I have a sneaking suspicion that this fight will be short-lived. HYB II spins up and...stays near its starting square in front of the mini-IED hazards. And here comes Equisde like a rocket! It uses its omniwheels to try to get around to the side of HYB II, but flies right into the mini-IEDs. Equisde pops backwards a bit, and Hartmann’s Youkai Bot II is right there waiting for it, weapon at full speed. ONE hit and parts are sprayed across the arena! That’s a KO...and we have a massive LiPo fire (yay for this arena not being in an enclosed space)!

HYB II wins via KO in 0:28!

Final Boss vs Han-D

Final Boss starts out of his square and wastes no time making its way around the center of the arena to Han-D, who, turtling around his starting square. Final Boss is cautious, however, and takes a more ‘zig zag’ maneuver towards his opponent, who carries a substantial weight advantage with being a walker, and with an overhead striking hammer that could deal potential KO damage...damn right FB is approaching with care.

Now, Final Boss is 4WD and with a pretty zippy drive, but Han-D is able to take turns at a good pace-I don’t see FB driving circles around this behemoth, even with a bit of ‘spindly’ appearance to its walker legs. Though, let’s see how well they hold up after some firing of its hammer.

Final Boss, after some maneuvering around, decides that he’s got a decent angle to get in while avoiding Han-D’s hammer. And he does manage, but slightly, and pops the flipper under the walking hammer’s front corner. Han-D immediately fires its hammer, but it just misses FB. However, Final Boss’s flipper doesn’t have much of an effect on Han-D. It gets popped up, slightly, but only ever slightly. It also lands with a favorable orientation for his hammer and V900 is able to land a shot on Final Boss before Josh can reverse FB out of danger. OOH, that’s a nasty dent in FB’s top armor. It doesn’t seem to affect the robot any as Final Boss retreats to set up another attack. But, it’s flipper can only handle so much weight….and han-D has a lot of weight.
Undaunted, Final Boss tries again. Using the same maneuvering, it gains a slight advantage over Han-D’s maneuvering and sneaks its flipper under just out of reach of the hammer. It fires again, but another miss, and I can see the stress that the four walker legs are taking when that hammer does fire-I wonder it they will last a full match like this… just gotta wait and see.

Final Boss’s flipper fires again, and Josh must’ve gotten it under Han-D more this time, because the shot sends the overweight robot reeling-not flipped, but pretty impressive considering the double weight advantage that the walker carries. Final Boss wants to attack again, but Han-D looks already back on the offensive. Josh seems to hesitate just a bit, fearing the surprising maneuverability and the fearsome power of Han-D’s hammer.

Han-D, however, seems unsure on where it wants to go in this massive arena. It just seems to meander in one direction before changing course and heading in another. I suppose this is part of its strategy to throw off the diver of Final Boss, because it seems to be working. Josh also seems to be waiting...ohh, maybe for the 2-minute mark.
Which is now, and the outer walls of the arena have lowered, giving all of us the wonderful...err hazy AF view of the Dubai coastline-bleh (I hate it here, but, that’s another story). Now, Final Boss seems to pick back up on the offensive! It charges seemingly head-on at Han-D, then suddenly veers off to the left, looking for an angle. I can see some smoke from FB’s motors as Josh is really gunning it and manages to shove his flipper under han-D. BAM, the hammer comes down, clipping a corner of Final Boss, but the flipper connects and the combined impact of the hammer and Final Boss’s flipper cause the legs of Han-D to buckle a little. Josh notices this and sends Final Boss around to the other side of Han-D and pops the flipper again. BAM the hammer falls again, and this time it might’ve cost Josh a drive motor. FB backs off, but noticeably sluggish in the affected corner of drive.

30 seconds remain in this fight and it’s a nailbiter! Though, I think I can see some smoke coming from han-D. Has that hammer/walking mechanism taken too much stress from battle? Josh thinks so, and sends Final Boss to try to get Han-D over to the outer edge. Final Boss’s three remaining drive motors run like mad to get to Han-D, but V900 is in hammer mashing mode, now. It noticeably swings at a slower and weaker pace until, finally, time runs out.


Well, let’s see what the judges think of this one…

Damage: 9-6 Han-D
Aggression: 10-5 Final Boss
Control: 9-6 Final Boss

Your winner with a 25-20 decision, is FINAL BOSS!

Steelhead Division

Fenrir has a bye

Lifter 2: Electric Boogaloo vs KEGATRON

Okay, Kegatron is up to speed pretty rapidly, and advancing across the arena on those giant plastic wheels. Lifter 2: Electric Boogaloo’s got no intention of letting it take the initiative though, and just slams straight into it! And Kegatron goes flying a good three or four feet in the air! How the heck did that happen? Oh, I see, it’s inverted and spinning the drum downward I guess. Anyway, it bounces down and Lifter 2 rams it again, sending Kegatron wheelieing away on its side, its wheel flexing under its weight. It comes back down and the attacks continue.

Ya know, Lifter 2’s tracks are actually exposed on top. If Kegatron had a lot more ground clearance it could just kind of roll over them, but as it is its teeth are long enough that it’s just hitting the top of Lifter 2’ wedge and putting some decent dents in it, and the tracks are set back pretty far from the outer edges so they really aren’t easy to hit with a spinner.

Lifter 2 keeps knocking Kegatron around, and eventually gets it on its side. The side spikes aren’t long enough to make it just fall back over, and it takes several seconds of frantic wobbling before Kegatron comes back down on both wheels. Another hit and this time it just pops itself in the air a little and catapults itself backwards onto the floor spinners – the drum must’ve been going upwards for that one. It’s able to torque-reaction back to having its outriggers in front of the upward-spinning part and goes on the attack again, but Lifter 2 muscles it into the wall pushing against one of its wheels. Kegatron pivots and smacks the wedge again, though, and it pops up in the air and lands lopsidedly pretty much on top of its opponent! The impact knocks it free and nearly stops the drum, and there’s bits of something on the arena floor! It looks like it might be rubber pads off of Lifter 2’s left track, but the drum wasn’t at full speed for that hit.

Unfortunately for Kegatron Lifter 2’s maneuverability doesn’t seem too badly affected by that hit, and although it remains fairly aggressive throughout the fight it mostly gets pushed around and bullied, including getting pinned sideways against the mini-IEDs after the walls come down.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Lifter 2 Electric Boogaloo 6, Kegatron 9

Aggression: Lifter 2 Electric Boogaloo 8, Kegatron 7

Control: Lifter 2 Electric Boogaloo 11, Kegatron 4

Your winner, by a 25-20 Judges’ Decision, is Lifter 2: Electric Boogaloo!

I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker vs Delorean Cowboy

Well, Delorean Cowboy gets that utterly terrifying vertical spinning bar up to speed right out of the gate. That weapon alone is so big that you could tape it to a D2 kit and it’d qualify as a heavyweight! You do NOT want to get hit by that thing!

Unfortunately, that may be relatively easy. So far, Delorean Cowboy’s having some difficulty going around the central floor spinners. It manages it eventually, but meanwhile I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker! Is circling around it, sizing it up. Delorean Cowboy’s trying to keep up with its opponent’s strafing drivetrain, and it’s mostly retreating in wide arcs, tipped over on one wheel. I think Gabe might have underestimated how much gyroscopic forces would affect a bot with such a tall, heavy weapon and a comparatively narrow body.

Long story short both bots are being cautious, but it’s only a matter of time before Crabcore gets to the side of Delorean Cowboy. At this point, Alex makes a really, really big mistake: he opens Crabcore’s claws, which were previously held defensively out in front of it, and attempts to grab Delorean Cowboy. From the side. Its claws actually open wide enough to fit DC, which isn’t exactly a small bot, but Delorean Cowboy just darts forward, and at the same time Crabcore closes its claws. The result, to use technical language, is that Crabcore’s left claw eats a dick.

Or, in layman’s terms, as it closes it rides up Delorean Cowboy’s wedge and takes an almighty smack from the spinning bar, right where the sturdier outer section meets the support frame. There’s a VERY loud noise, and Crabcore’s claws get forced open, letting DC, err, mosey its way to freedom. The entire left claw is flopping limply around, and the inner portion’s been nearly cut in half! The whole claw is also twisted, and the top of the pontoon’s been peeled back.

I Dance Crabcore retreats for a moment to reconsider its strategy, then closes the claws, or at least the working claw, and goes back on the attack. And Delorean Cowboy still turns like a fucking ocean liner. This would be a good time to maybe throttle down the weapon, but with something that big it may well be on a brushed motor with a contactor, so who knows if that’s even an option. Long story short Crabcore eventually flanks it again and just pushes against DC’s front wedge from the side with its undamaged claw. This, somewhat predictably, causes DC to flop onto its side from the gyro forces.

Delorean Cowboy’s weapon subsequently hits the floor and sends it flying across the arena, bouncing all over the place, but it eventually stops and the bot comes to rest on its side, wheels spinning helplessly. Crabcore wisely leaves it to get counted out.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:55, is I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!

Santangelo vs Space Cadet

Hey, boys and girls! Are you here to see some awesome robot fightin' action!? If you answered 'yes', then I recommend you wait for the next fight, because this one mostly consists of two fast, virtually weaponless push-boxes zipping around the arena wedging each other.

To be sure, attempts are made to flip - Santangelo goes over once, and so does Space Cadet - but the majority of these are more akin to 'flicks' that momentarily break traction or send the bot on the receiving end skidding away. As expected, the majority of this fight's offense consists of wedging, pushing, and the odd slam and, based upon that criteria, the faster bot with the better wedge, Santangelo, is on the front foot more than its opponent. At least, the judges certainly seem to think so.

Aggression: 9-6 Santangelo
Damage: 8-7 Santangelo
Control: 9-6 Santangelo

Result: Santangelo wins a 26-19 judges' decision

Mastodon... Extinction (HW)
Osiris... Armageddon! (MW)
Elrathia... ROBOTS (LW)
Magnolia Pico... Ruination 4 (MW)
RipTide... ROBOT2 (FW)

The Monsterworks: 149 - 43 (.776) ...Probably up to no good.
The Cherry Bomb Classic III: 7-0Show
Carbonemys: 3-0
Black Diamond: 2-0
I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!: 2-0

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The Monsterworks
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Re: The Cherry Bomb Classic III: Fight Cards, Brackets, and Writing Assignments

Post by The Monsterworks » Sun Feb 17, 2019 12:37 am

Happy to be out of the desert? Well, I know that I am, and even more chuffed to be staying in jolly old England for the week. Of course, this week's arena leaves a bit to be desired on the... accomodations side of things, but what would you really expect from a converted operating room in a defunct insane asylum. At least the countryside around Birmingham is nice? Anyways, while we wait for last week's results to filter in, how about we take a gander at this week's bracket and get to know the arena that we'll be fighting in.

The Asylum

Alternate ViewsShow

Name: The Asylum

Location: Birmingham, England

Layout: large square flanked by two smaller squares, flanked by still smaller squares

Size: 30 x 30 (main square), 16 x 16 (each flanking square), 8 x 8 (each secondary flanking square) - 1540 square feet

Intended Use: HBW-MW Singles and Doubles

Theme: insane asylum operating room

Floor Materials: concrete

House Robots: This arena employs a pair of medical-themed house robots known as Doctor Cadaver and Nurse Sanguinary. They patrol the caution-striped zones in the first set of flanking squares and, sometimes, their operating procedures can get a bit...messy. While they have been instructed to hold back from using their full power, they tend to forget this instruction during the final thirty seconds of the match and may hit you very hard indeed.
Doctor CadaverShow
Doctor Cadaver

Stats: Speed 5, Traction 5, Torque 5, Weapon 15 (3 lifter, 3 clamp arms, 11 saw - 3-point saw arm), 6 armor (+6 house robot bonus)
Nurse SanguinaryShow
Nurse Sanguinary

Stats: 6 speed, 5 traction, 3 torque, 16 weapon (13 spike [2 clamp, 2 each flamethrower]), 6 armour (+6 house robot bonus)
Hazards and Features:
  • Bonesaws (2) - These are powerful horizontal saws mounted in the two of the four corners of the central arena. They pop out when robots pass into their strike zones (marked in yellow and black caution paint) and for as long as they remain there, dealing damage equal to a seven weapon power saw
  • Hospital Doors (4) - Barring entry from the starting squares flanking the central arena, these swinging doors need to be pushed open (and can open in either direction), or else, robots need to wait ten seconds for them to open. They do no damage, but can be annoying.
  • Lobotomizers (2) - Located in the other two corners of the main arena, the Lobotomizers are clamp hazards that hold robots still for ten seconds while a powerful drill descends to deal heavy damage. A robot must remain within their caution zone for at least three seconds for the Lobotomizers to activate.
  • Disposal Chutes (2) - The disposal chutes are the furthest half of the furthest set of flanking squares. They have no floors and only a one foot lip to prevent robots falling in. They are essentially two pits. To reach them, however, robots will need to pass through the house robot patrol zones.

Achievement: Perfectly Okay! - Don't get hit by a single hazard or house robot all match long.

The Fight Card

Below are the week's fights. RPs will be due on Saturday, February 23, at 11:59 PM EST. Following the first round, the RP limit is now 400 words and will remain so until the playoffs. Remember to inform your opponent of configuration choices. You will also be required to post the stats of both combatants in your RP post. This doesn't take long, helps the writers immensely, and won't count towards the word limit. Please do it. if I see enough people not doing it, failure to do so will result in you forfeiting the match come week three.





The Debilitator Division (A)

Beast from the West II has a bye

Hobart 2 vs. Sleipnir

Hobart's crazy. In a way that I'm really not sure how to feel about it. I guess I'll have an idea by the end of the match. Sleipnir I'm more familiar with, but not in the best of ways. I can tell that improvements have been made though, so let's see what goes down!

Anyway, Sleipnir rockets through the doors while Hobart casually strolls through them whilst spinning up. Points for style. Anyhoo Hobart wants to angle in. So does Sleipnir, unsurprisingly enough. And with his better drivetrain Sleipnir's able to make the better of the angle-in and gets underneath Hobart. Now Hobart's tracks are on the ground, so Cassie can get her bot away potentially. Riley seems set on ramming Hobart directly into the wall ahead, so he guns it. Hobart casually slips away and Sleipnir goes blowing by Hobart, pausing only to get the forks pointed back at Hobart. Hoo-wee, are we going to see multiple instances of this combat pragmatism? I guess. Riley wins another angle-in war, only for Cassie to j-hook her bot off again. It's not until this happens again that something of note finally occurs. Riley wins yet another angle-in and this time there's not much room for Cassie to j-hook her bot back towards. She tries anyway, but Riley is more savvy to this now and keeps with the attempted j-hook long enough to line up with the wall proper, and gets a slam!! Unfortunately Hobart was continuing to j-hook and so the slam into the wall is side-on instead of directly against the track. It still looks nasty, but Hobart seems to be surviving. Unfortunately the most Sleipnir can do here is pin Hobart, so a precious 30 seconds are wasted.

Once the pin is over, Hobart speeds away like a mouse when any sort of light is flashed on it. The right side track looks wobbly, but it's hanging in there. You know what else is hanging in there? Sleipnir. As in, Sleipnir is hanging onto Hobart like a leech and isn't going to leave Hobart alone. Hobart twirls about to stave off the stalking brick, and hey, what do you know? Hobart actually got under. CLINK. Hobart smacks Sleipnir's forks up. I think I saw some paint chip off. Sleipnir backs the fuck up, clearly worried about the paint. Hobart tries to go after him but Sleipnir's higher speed and torque means he gets away. Sorry Cassie. Alrighty, back where we started. Angle-in? Yeah Hobart isn't having much luck here. Then again, aside from the last hit, Sleipnir isn't having much luck trying to get Hobart anywhere either. I really can't think of much else here. Oh wait, I spoke too soon. Riley's quickly catching onto how Cassie is angling away when Riley gets under, so Riley adjusts to this, fully collects Hobart, and goes for a wall slam... no Hobart still gets away. Damn it. Oh shit, Sleipnir's too close to the wall. Hit? Hit. Hobart smacks Sleipnir with the flails. Let's actually look at Hobart's sign-up description. Hobart spins the flails downward, huh? Well it's cool and all, but Sleipnir manages to get away with only a few small dents.


And the buzzer just reminded us that we've hit the end of the match. Any takers?

Aggression: 8-7 Sleipnir
Damage: 9-6 Hobart 2
Strategy: 9-6 Sleipnir

Close, but not close enough. Sleipnir hangs on by the skin of its teeth with a 23-22 split judges' decision.

Carnivore vs. Evil Destroyer

Okay so full disclosure here: I have literally no idea where Evil Destroyer's supposed "lifter" is supposed to be fit in his robot nor how far said lifter actually lifts the turret, so I'm just gonna assume it can pop the turret up like an inch or whatever.

Also disclosure: I was really tempted to make a vore joke here (as in Carnivore haha geddit) but couldn't find anywhere to put it in. Sad!

With that said, the match starts with ED having a bit of trouble lugging itself through the door. The blade clunks and clanks against the plexiglass. Mr. Garbled Bullshit Username's plans get a wrench stuck in them from the onset, as ED's turret's too long to be positioned horizontally in that tight, cramped space. The spinner BANG BANG BANGs for the next 10 seconds. Meanwhile Carnivore's just sitting in the center of the arena, with Guldenflame impatiently tapping his foot for the fight to begin already. Once the doors pity-open, ED trods out. Slowly.




With ants spilling out of it's pants, Carnivore rushes forward and pushes ED right back in. Folks, we're nearly a minute into the match and all we've seen is a single box rush. Thank you Monsterworks, very cool arena. Carnivore is forced to back off and Evil Destroyer's finally able to come out of the closet. Everyone is clapping at YSM's bravery.

ED's got less than 2 minutes to show us what he's got. He spins his bar backward to wait for it to spin up, then begins whirring it right back because no way does that thing take more than a second or two to spin up. That's a second or two Carnivore's able to capitalize on, though. While ED's turret's still turning back around, Carnivore veers back in and purposely aims toward the weapon but not the chassis?? Bruh... whatever, "always" means "always", I suppose. He gets under the weapon, has to make a 90 degree turn to aim toward the chassis, and is easily able to flip ED over because lol 1 speed.

The match would be over then and there if ED didn't have that obnoxiously long definitely-not-compensating-for-anything pole, but obviously that is not the case. ED gets back onto it's wobblers within barely even a second tries pull a sneaky by attacking Carnivore's life points directly. It scores a near-miss instead, snipping a chunk out of a rear wheel. Carnivore's movement gets a fair bit wobbly from here. Whenever Carn tries to go for another box rush, it leans to the right harder than a disenfranchized white guy living in a swing state. ED beats up Carnivore's 12 armor flipper a bit more, eventually bending the axles. Carnivore puts ED into a couple of stray encounters with the house robots, but quickly uses The Big Fuck You Stick to escape relatively unharmed, given both of said house bots rely on getting a steady grip on their pray to attack. Evil Destroyer bashes up the gap between Carnivore's wedges a bit more for good measure... 3, 2, 1... aaand we're done.

Judge's decision:
DMG - 11-4 Evil Destroyer
AGG - 8-7 Evil Destroyer
CTL - 10-5, Carnivore
Evil Destroyer wins by JD, 24-21.

Terpsichora vs. Ayame

Terps does a fancy bit of driving, reversing out of the starting area through the divider, but ultimately it doesn't make much difference since Ayame wasn't in a super rush to get over to him. Ayame makes a slightly reserved approach, making sure Terps gets out away from the walls. He kind of does, but he's doing a fair bit of defensive maneuvering, enough to keep the faster Ayame from getting around the dangerous front. The fight trends to being somewhat dull as Ayame doesn't want to commit to a more dangerous attack. Persistence is the key though as Ayame finally finds a decent enough opening to wedge Terps enough to score a flip. Of course Ayame's flipper doesn't have a high level of "omph" behind it so Terps isn't launched dramatically. That said it's enough to allow Ayame to get back in with a follow-up thanks to it's high speed. Ayame tries to steer Terps in the direction of one of the corners, but Terps ends ups getting enough separation to break Ayame's chain flip tactic. Ayame tries to keep on Terps case, but gets knocked away by Terps weapon. From here Terps gains the upper hand as Ayame tries to find an opening like it did before, but some nice maneuvering from Terps leads to another hit. There's not a major amount of damage from the hits, but the bent armor isn't ideal for Ayame. Eventually Ayame backs off a bit as Terps has been able to turtle near the wall fairly effectively. After a bit more stalemate, Ayame gets a favorable angle again and gets in a couple more flips. This time getting Terps to the closest corner hazard, but only briefly. But Terps ends up getting pinned against the wall as a consolation prize. Ayame eats up all the clock time it can and caps it off with a flip. There's not too much time left and that ends up being the last real action of the match.

Aggression: 10-5 Ayame
Damage: 11-4 Terpsichora
Strategy: 9-6 Ayame

Ayame wins 23-22

Elrathia Division (B)

Phobos Anomaly has a bye

Tiny Torque vs. Storm Worm

The fight starts with both bots coming out and charging at each other and Storm Worm already flipped Tiny Torque. Upside down TT is quick to turn around and come at SW again only it to get under and use all of it's forces to lift TT under complete control doing a maneuver that i can't be bothered to explain.

Storm Worm carefully holding Tiny Torque opens one of the doors and throws TT at Doctor Cadaver, Tiny Torque screams in agony as it gets cut by the saw Storm Worm is in the middle of the arena dancing. Eventually time is out and TT feels freedom and charges at SW and gets under it. Then it proceeds to push SW into one of the Lobotomizer where it gets a hole drilled out.

Immediately after SW getting out, both bots go at each other and Storm Worms decides to press it's lifter but it looks like somebody pushed the wrong button as the side forks are the ones coming down, lifting the entire bot. The driver quickly notices this and begins to move those forks up but it's too late now as TT gets under it, and all the way under, and past SW straight into the Lobotomizer from before.

Thankfully, the misery driver from team TCRR immediately noticed how much of an idiot he looked there and gets out before the hazard can do it's thing.

The next 30 or so seconds are rather uneventful with both bot getting under each other and pushing around while archiving nothing until SW does it's weird thing from before holding it's opponent in the air.

But this time TT falls of in a few seconds and now it's free to push SW into one of the flanking squares where Doctor Cadaver is waiting happily, guess what happens in this part. After that incident Storm Worm flips Tiny Torque and proceeds to slam it against the wall while keeping it upside-down for the next 20-ish seconds until TT monstertrucks SW, flipping itself in the process.

And then we get more boring uneventful wedging until the 30 second mark. Then TT pushes it's opponent into the other flanking square, SW runs away but not before Nurse Sanguinary pops one of it's wheels.

After the escape the now 3 wheeled bot pulls off it's bs from the start of the fight one last time and throws TT back with the nurse where it gets burnt up and loses one of it-s own wheels. Then TT escapes into the main area where Storm Worm gets under and slams it against a wall one last time before the match ends.

Judges Decision:
Damage: Tiny Torque 7, Storm Worm 8
Aggression: Tiny Torque 8, Storm Worm 7
Control: Tiny Torque 6, Storm Worm 9
Your winner, by a 21-24 Judges Decision, is Storm Worm!

Twin Typhoons vs. Eudial III

Welp, this match begins badly for Twin Typhoons. Eudial charges out of its starting square and starts spinning up that absolutely fucking psycho blade while the twins, uh... struggle. Both try to bolt out of the doors but, between their poor control and a wheel setup that isn't conducive to, you know, moving in a straight line, they are undone, I'm afraid. One ends up in the clutches of Nurse Sanguinary, who takes a couple of light pops at it for fun, going easy on it because she's a good nurse and wants to give every patient a chance at recovery, at least. The other pinballs off of two of the small square's walls with a pair of metallic clanks, and ends up smacking into the rear doors instead, not quite opening them. Following these misadventures, Trihunter decides to just have them both spin up and exit the starting zone when the doors open after ten seconds, which is happening right

Meanwhile, Kody has lit up a fatty and is just chilling, his bot spun up and death-humming happily right in Twin Typhoons' grill. And, we have contact. Two things happen: Firstly, a massive chunk is torn from one of the twins and its entire chassis is slightly warped. It hurtles into the lexan with sickening force and rebounds into the Nurse's loving clutches. She's a bit unhappy that it's regressed so badly as a patient. She honestly didn't have high hopes to begin with, but she'd been convincing herself that it had a chance to flourish outside of the confines of the hospital. Feeling like a fool, she displaces her anger onto the twin as only the best of medical professionals can: by hitting it with a 13-powered needle of doom.

Oh yeah, Eudial's in this fight. Cool. I mean, it gets abso-fucking-lutely launched. If you have a gonzo-level blade like that and it's mounted at an angle, it kind of goes with the territory, which I'm sure Kody knew going in. He's been doing this almost since before some people on ARC were born. Anyhow, Eudial does a lovely rendition of what I (and now the rest of you because I am the TO and you will treat me like God, so help me) like to call the 'roflcopter'. The audience claps. The commentators critique his form, finding little flaw with it. That's textboook. The Russian judge still gives it a 6.5 just to be a spiteful little dick. Unfortunately for the Canadian machine, it doesn't quite stick the landing, instead smashing into one of the lobotomizers at a weird angle and getting hung up.

The remaining twin is already on its way there. Kody's marijuana-addled reflexes compete with his marijuana-enhanced focus as shit has just gotten real for him in what looked to be a cakewalk. I swear, Gabe's been his dealer. That west coast shit is strong. Anyways, Kody starts mashing the controls, trying to throttle his bot's weapon and free it before the creeping death of the other Twin Typhoon can reach it.

It isn't even close, really.

The lobotomizer starts moving, since a bot has been under it for more than a few seconds, and that's enough to pop Eudial free, to Kody's visible relief. The black and red spinner hightails it out of there, its blade working on up to death hum speed before long, and there's nothing left for the two spinners to do at this point but meet. The contact goes roughly as expected, with a chunk torn off of the other twin, which pinballs off of two walls and a bonesaw, and Eudial now impressing us with a spirited rendition of the funky chicken. Surprisingly, the remaining half of the cluster is still, well, remaining. It's having a great deal of trouble spinning up evenly, however, since it's missing most of one tooth and one of its stabilizer bars shows visible signs of warping. All that's left to do is for Eudial, once it's back under control, to come in and deliver the coup de grace, which it presently does. Meanwhile, in the other starting square, Doctor Cadaver looks on forlornly.

Result: Eudial III wins by KO at 1:04

Tidal Wave 2 vs. Blood Eagle

This match begins and I promise you that it’s gonna be a bloodbath! Blood Eagle immediately comes charging through the double doors into the main arena and there goes that horizontal spinner up to full speed in a mere few seconds! He gyros just a bit before charging across the arena to meet his opponent-who has yet to emerge through the double doors from his square, but I can hear two distinct weapon motor hums. Blood Eagle then hesitates, expecting the doors to open and not wanting to get hit by them.

They fly open and here comes Tidal Wave II, its weapon up to full speed. I guess that he didn’t want the doors to slow down his weapon any, so he waited. Now, he’s charging out, but Blood Eagle is waiting for him and there is no room for TWII to maneuver in order to completely avoid the bar spinner of Blood Eagle. That waiting 10 seconds could very well cost Tidal Wave II!

Nonetheless, it angles in against the direction of BE’s bar, hoping that’s the most favorable angle to get ‘bite’ and send BE flying.


The arena shakes with that impact and I (even in the safety of lexan protecting me) visibly flinch. I see several pieces of blue/silver metal. The drum is gone from TWII and lies in several fragments. The chassis has been flung back through the doors and lies crippled behind its starting square. Meanwhile, Blood Eagle looks relatively unscathed. It was knocked inverted, but that’s no problem, and it’s still mobile and BE spins up to show that its weapon is still functioning.

I see a little movement coming from Tidal Wave II. Looks like one drive motor is hanging on, but just barely. It’s moving, but not out of its drive radius. The referee begins a countdown as Dr. Cadaver approaches, waiting for the end of the 10-count, before going to work on euthanizing the dying Tidal Wave II.

Blood Eagle wins via KO in 0:57!

Nick's Fuzzy Rules Division (C)

Harrowdown Hill has a bye

The Gnasher vs. Killjoy II

Killjoy pops their forks to nudge open the door easier, making it into the main area. Gnasher opts to spin up BEFORE going through the door for some reason, causing a rather nasty clang and a little recoil, so they make it in second. Killjoy takes advantage, scooping up Gnasher as it makes it through, the junior murdersaw setting to work on Gnasher's top. It gets in a bit of a gash before Gnasher gets enough purchase to pull itself free, spinning away. What follows is a good while of the two dancing around one another, neither really making good progress on getting around. Eventually, Gnasher slips up, Killjoy slipping under it again, lifting it up as the saw drops down on one of the tyres. The blade slices clean into the rubber, leaving a nasty welt, as Gnasher is shunted into the bonesaw, further damaging the same wheel with a second gash. Gnasher gets free, again dancing with Killjoy once more. This time, Gnasher gets its way, riding up one of the wedges and giving the arm of Killjoy a solid whack with its bar, though Killjoy twists enough to shrug it off, Gnasher barely escaping a third sawing. Some more chasing, and Killjoy catches Gnasher again, giving it one last sawing on its top armor as the final buzzer goes.

Judge's Decision:
Damage: 11-4 Killjoy II
Aggression: 10-5 The Gnasher
Control: 9-6 Killjoy II

Your winner, by a 25-20 decision, is Killjoy II!

Piranha Plant vs. Cuddle Time!

Cuddle Time is anxious to get this fight going, but it takes a good six and a half months for Piranha Plant to actually make it through the doors. The moment he does so, Noah doesn't even have time to react before CT shoves his wedge underneath. It struggles to clamp the Plant given it's tall sloped shape, but it's still able to lift it off it's wheels and carry it around until Plant lifts itself off. It gets flipped, but Plant retwists itself to self right. Cuddle time drives to angle in on the turret, but it doesn't quite get under. Plant does however, and it lifts it up. It nearly gets it up on the wall, but instead CT falls on it's back. It self rights, though barely, with the hammer clamp. It goes back on it's pursuit and circles about the plant until it fakes the turret and drives under the shell. It drives the plant into the drill hazard where the drill scoots across the top and stops. Fucking 13 armor, man. Piranha Plant can't seem to shake itself off this time and it gets pushed into Cadaver. The plant on top noms on the saw for a bit. Delicious.

The plant is released and then tries to keep up with Cuddle Time. It gets another couple lifts and flips, but it just can't seem to keep up with Cuddle Time. Trying to control a 5 weapon turret is harder than it looks. The buzzer sounds a few seconds later.

Aggression: 11-4 Cuddle Time
Damage: 10-5 Cuddle Time
Strategy: 10-5 Cuddle Time

CUDDLE TIME!....wins! (31-14)

The Thieving Magpie vs. Shade Fist

The battle kicks off with both bots steaming into the middle of the arena, Shade Fist ready to lock horns and get the drum into play. At the last second, Magpie angles in and manages to dodge the drum's forks, and the big British pyramid wedge pops open and flings Shade Fist through the air before Badnik has a chance to J-hook off the flipping panel. The drum spinner bounces off one of the support gantries for the Lobotomizers and winds up upside down, which is perhaps to be expected when you're fighting a flipper. Maybe it's thrown him off, but Magpie is once again on the offensive, and easily shoves the drum into the path of the Lobotomizer it just careened off. This buys TTM a few seconds of grace to get around to the back of the stricken drum and, once the enemy machine is unclamped, give it another boot up the arse with the flipper before Dylan can drive away. It's a pattern that repeats for pretty much the entire fight, with the only highlights on Badnik's side of the arena being a good pop on the side of Magpie that leaves a big ol' dent in the flipper's chassis. Cease is eventually called, though, and the judges are obliged to make a decision.

Aggression: Shade Fist 8 - 7 The Thieving Magpie
Damage: Shade Fist 8 - 7 The Thieving Magpie
Strategy: The Thieving Magpie 10 - 5 Shade Fist

Winner: The Thieving Magpie, 27-18 JD


Magnolia Pico Division (A)

Lethal Carriageway Mk. 3 has a bye

JEVIL vs. Carbonemys

Well, it looks like Jevil is starting off well with getting a few thwack hits, one hooking a little on the shell, but not much to truly grab. This goes on for a bit and Carbonemys is struggling to keep up, though it does get a solid hit on the wheel. However, after the fifth or sixth flank n thwack, Jevil sticks it's knife in the wrong position and Carbonemys snaps it in two. No weapon? No bueno. And off goes Jevil running for it's life with Carbonemys crawling by.

Well...only one thing to do now... . . . . .

Chaos chaos... .

Crack .


Carbonemys cast Pacify.

Carbonemys wins by KO in 2:58

Vortex 3 vs. Jackal

So, here's the match that everyone was dreading writing because it was in two separate posts, but yours truly (can you figure out who I are?) has finally come to the rescue with a brief summary.

The majority of the fight consists of Jackal gamely trying to cut off angles and corner the very slippery Vortex, with little success at first. Unfortunately, the Scottish entry fails to capitalize on this early opportunity, wasting time attempting to first push its very grippy, stout opponent when it manages to outmaneuver it before attempting to fire its unique weapon.

Right around the time that Ruri just goes 'fuck it' and starts firing the drum immediately, Alex starts to get a read on his strafing tactics. Jackal takes a spectacular pop that flips it front over back and flings it into a bonesaw. The hardy wedge takes a bit of superficial damage and Alex V quickly self-rights his bot. Vortex is in with another impressive pop, and the bonesaw tries to do its thing, but there isn't enough contact there for much to happen, and Jackal hits at an odd angle and squirms free.

The next encounter results in the English machine finally getting the angle right, and Vortex goes into a Lobotomizer at high velocity, being pinned under it and drilled into by the macabre hazard. While it's able to squirm free upon release, Jackal still has a good angle and scores another pin and wall slam. Vortex goes over to a Bonesaw this time, which cuts deep into its rear. There's a whiff of smoke but, thankfully for the Square Go machine, it doesn't seem to be anything crucial.

A couple of futile attempts by Jackal follow, before Vortex manages to angle in on its wedge teeth through strafing shenanigans. For some reason, however, Ruri doesn't fire the drum. He can be seen in the control booth, trying to, but some of that earlier hazard damage must've cut a wire or disabled a motor. He still has jackal wedged at an angle where it's struggling to get wheels down, however, and maybe he can just slam it and hit it with the... Wham!

Jackal goes hard into the lexan, rebounding off of it but still right side up, and shoots away. Both bots try to gain the advantage, and Vortex wins out again, but Alex V is able to maneuver his bot this time, and an aggressive hooking move gives it the advantage. With the clock winding down, he goes for a clamp and the Scottish entry finds itself shunted towards Doctor Cadaver's operating room. In goes the doctor's knife, incidentally clipping his assistant, Jackal, in the process, but as the final buzzer goes off, it's slicing deep into Vortex and the smoke that issues from its chassis this time looks far more worrisome.

Aggression: 8-7 Jackal
Damage: 11-4 Jackal
Control: 8-7 Jackal

Jackal wins a 27-18 judges' decision

Harpy vs. Manglerfish

The fight starts with both robot coming out fast, with Harpy coming turning instead of going straight and angles in but HFL sees and counters this by turning his bot, getting under those forks.

Manglerfish pushes Harpy to the nearest wall, not at a particularly high speed but still, Shaba notices that her bot can't out push it's opponent while getting wedged so she backs off, only to hit the wall almost immediately, and before she reacts Manglerfish already has a pin and brings the saw down. Sparks fly as the saw cuts through and eventually the timer runs out and HFL has to let go. Harpy doesn't look like it lost functionality but there is a big gash on top of it and now it reads HAPPY.

After that the robot run around the arena for a few seconds, with Happy riding up Manglerfish's wedge and the getting off it before HFL can do anything until Happy manages to get under and then pushes Manglerfish into one of the lobotomizers. And the HFL pull a cheeky trick from under his sleeve and rises his saw to stop the drill from reaching his bot and it actually works, Shaba says whatever and pins him there until the timer runs out.

Then they awkwardly stare at each other for the longest 2 seconds ever and then Happy runs away towards one of the hospital doors, opens it and waits where the door was half a second ago. Manglerfish is charging towards it and when it's close Happy runs inside and turns around at the end of the square while Manglerfish enters it. Now a smirk can be seen on Shaba's face as the evil genius has fallen for her trap.

They play around the danger area for a while until Nurse Sanguinary catches Manglerfish's back, then she begins to flame it for a few seconds and punch a hole on it's back while Happy happily dances outside.

After the engineer instantly regrets getting that MMR vaccine, both bots go back to the main section of the arena and returns to their game of HAPPY riding up Manglerfish's wedge and backing off before HFL can do anything until he finally manages to bring down the saw before the wedgebot can escape and then proceeds to pin it against the wall while sawing down.

A pin timer later HFL lets go and there is a little bit of smoke coming out of H4PPY but it doesn't look to have any issues other than it's new gash with name included. Some failed wedging attempts latter H4ppy gets under and pins the fish thing against a wall. While getting pinned said fish lowers it's saw and sparks fly, it isn't much but at least it's something.

The next eventful encounter with time running out is when HFL brings the saw down early and it hits the floor, bringing his forks a bit off the ground, H4ppy takes advantage of this and gets under with ease, then she pushes it to a bonesaw. The saw moves up and down not archeaving much while the back of the chasis get a new line-shaped hole. After that not much happens until the last 5-ish seconds where H4ppy gets under and pins Manglerfish until the time runs out.

Judges Decision:
Damage: Harpy 5, Manglerfish 10
Aggression: Harpy 8, Manglerfish 7
Control: Harpy 8, Manglerfish 7

Your winner, by a 24 - 21 Judges Decision, is Manglerfish!

Frogbot 2000 Division (B)

Jawsome has a bye

Psychosis vs. I Suck at Names

Considering the average Armor value here, this fight isn't lasting long. ISAN seems to be starting with its arm upside down, which is a novel idea at the least. Psychosis budges through the doors into the main area, shortly followed by its opponent. Both bots spin up, Psychosis in overcutter formation, ISAN in the only form it knows.Psychosis hits killing speed first, moving in for an attack on the side of ISAN, though it twists to try to block him. One weapon-to-weapon impact later, ISAN's arm looks a bit buckled, though the belt seems fine. Meanwhile, Psychosis has fallen over, stuck on its rather mangled-looking spinner arm. The wheels spin, the arm limply plopping back into place inside the chassis, though judging from the motion it's not powered any longer. However, YSMQ used the time spent wiggling to spin back up to speed, striking again with a blow that throws the dazzle-camo chassis clean into the air, landing up against the wall, chassis and buckled, the spinning plate barely attached. Most importantly, it's not moving.

I Suck At Names wins by KO in 1:09!

Marksman vs. Scion

Well, both bots favor the direct approach with Scion's wedge winning out. Marksman tries to get away, but the speed of Scion is a bit too much, so Marksman get's slammed into the wall. Much of the fight goes this way, with most of the time given over to Scion wedging, slamming, and pinning Marksman. Marksman gets in a flip here and there, but can't get much in the way of sustained offense or control going.

Aggression: 9-6 Scion
Damage: 10-5 Scion
Strategy: 10-5 Scion

Scion wins 29-16

Dragonfist vs. Neophyte Redglare

The buzzer rings, and Dragonfist does its best Glacier impression, by which I mean it sits in its starting square and spins up, but otherwise does absolutely nothing. Ordinarily that would be a dumb move, but in this arena... well, a shell spinner can’t exactly push those doors open without hitting them and ricocheting itself around. Is Rocket waiting for the doors to open? It’s risky – she's really boxed in in that little flanking square. Or is this some kind of baiting move?

Well, if it is, Neophyte Redglare ain’t falling for it. It sits in the middle of the arena and slowly waves its lifter. I’ve never seen a robot say “Come at me bro!” that loudly. And the doors are opening... but still Dragonfist sits there, and you know what? I don’t think it can get out anyway! The doors are what, 5 feet wide, maybe a little less? Yeah, Dragonfist’s outer spinning diameter definitely looks bigger than that thanks to its flails.

Fortunately, just as the audience starts rummaging under their seats for their torches and pitchforks, Redglare finally decides “fuck it” and rams Dragonfist anyway. Dragonfist jukes sideways and dishes out a nasty hit that sends Redglare skidding off-course, but Dragonfist also bounces away a bit. There are now two robots in the patrol zone. Guess which one Nurse Sanguinary goes for? Yep, it’s the one that effectively got itself stuck in the flanking square. Sanguinary reverses into it, taking some scars, but stops the flails, then spins around, grabs Dragonfist’s conical shell, drags it to the hospital doors, and actively punts it into the central arena section with her spike. Ouch, I think that was a full-power shot too. The housebots aren’t supposed to do that, but it doesn’t look like Dragonfist’s really affected. It gets spinning again, and Redglare can’t go after it until Sanguinary moves away from the doors.

Anyway, now it’s time to get to the main event, a wedge bullying a spinner around. The ricocheting flails make Dragonfist incredibly difficult to actually smother or otherwise deal with, though, and it manages to inflict some real damage, tearing off one of the lifting spikes and bending the other. On the other hand it still spends a good thirty seconds pinned against the walls.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Dragonfist 10, Neophyte Redglare 5

Aggression: Dragonfist 4, Neophyte Redglare 11

Control: Dragonfist 3, Neophyte Redglare 12

Your winner, by a 28-17 Judges’ Decision, is Neophyte Redglare!

Black Dog Division (C)

Pizza That Eats You has a bye

Super Youkai Warhead vs. Harbinger

Harbinger rockets out of its square, barging through the doors. Super Youkai Warhead makes its own way out, though it's immediately slammed by Harby's rush, right into the corner. The bonesaws pop out, sparking against SYW's tracks, though not quite breaking them yet. SYW manages to slip off of the wedge finally, escaping, with Harby hounding it the whole way, catching up and sticking it sideways into the Lobotomizer! The clamps activate on SYW as Harby backs off, the drill dropping down and piercing SYW's top, spewing cucumber juice all over the frame of the hazard. It sets SYW free, it managing to get under Harby on its third approach this time, activating the clamp, though Harby is able to reverse off before it gets grabbed properly. Harby gives it another shot, but gets snagged properly this time, coming up into the air as SYW parades them about a bit, bumping through the doors and into Nurse Sanguinary's territory.

The nurse wastes no time barging over to SYW's side, grabbing onto this robot centipede of sorts and plunging her needle into SYW's side. This jolt lets Harby free, who uses the raw strength of four torque to wrench its opponent out of the nurse's clutches, through the doors, and back into the main area. Further tusslin' ensues, neither quite getting around the other for a good while, before Harby gets under SYW's tracks again, sliding it into the saws, which pop out during the pin, slicing into the corner of SYW's tracks once more. This time, as Harby lets off, it collects a souvenir, in the form of SYW's now loose track, the stricken kappa wobbling awkwardly in the corner of the arena, unable to properly escape, counted out as the saw pops into its rear once more.

Your winner, by KO in 2:39, is Harbinger!

Axe 'N Kill vs. NKC

The battle kicks off with Billy passing the controls to HFL before running to the toilet screaming something about last night's kebab meat vindaloo. One shudders to think. Anyway, ANK powers out of the starting square and heads straight for NKC, which angles in on... a... worse wedge. Okay then. Despite this, ANK is able to scramble up the long pontoons of NKC's wedge. The enormous blade on Axe 'N' Kill's axe then drops with the force of a freight train, and before Dylan can back off it delivers a huge blow to the top panel of NKC's armour! There's a huge divot in the plate and something sounds unpleasantly electrical inside the sawbot, but the axebot is on the attack again! NKC has backed off, but Billy - well, HFL - is on it like a car bonnet and drives up the wedge again to force a head-on collision, dropping the axe and this time striking the saw mechanism over and over again! Something important just flew off, and the arm's gone all limp and floppy after the axe slapped it into the floor. NKC once again backs away and starts driving like a wedge, trying to slam the axebot into the arena walls, but ANK is difficult to control because of how much its axe is flailing around. The battle ends like this, a minute and a half of a wedge bot fighting to control the flailing axe that throws up sparks from its big front wedge plate. The judges are called in to assess the fight as cease is finally, mercifully called.

Damage: Axe 'N' Kill 10 - 5 NKC
Aggression: NKC 8 - 7 Axe 'N' Kill
Control: NKC 9 - 6 Axe 'N' Kill

Your winner, squeaking out a very, very close 23-22 split decision, is Axe 'N' Kill! Congratulations Billy! Take notes for next week. =]

Chronic Jobber vs. Diablo Genesis III

Chronic Jobber starts in reverse, perhaps planning to use its rear wedge to push the doors open... or is it? The bar spins up with a whir, turning the whole robot around and making its tires struggle to maintain grip, but it’s just sitting in its starting square pointing its wedge at the doors. Diablo Genesis is polite enough to wait in the main arena for like three seconds before getting sick of this and charging through the doors. But that’s just what Jobber was waiting for! With surprising speed it pivots around and smacks its blade into Diablo Genesis, sending it spinning around... but it also sends itself flying into the arena wall, bounces off, and bangs into the doors to the secondary flanking square wedge-first.

Just for good measure, as it retreats away from there, starting to spin back up, Dr. Cadaver reverses into it and body-checks it into the wall with his rear shock-absorbing tire. Reminder: the flanking squares are the size of the AVC arena and about half the square footage of the Motorama arena, and you’re sharing them with a house robot. A 120 lb horizontal spinner camping in them is NOT recommended by the Surgeon General – and he should know.

Dumb references Jobber takes about twenty seconds to make it out into the main arena, and gets tossed in the air a couple times by Diablo Genesis in the process. It finally gets up to speed, but Diablo isn’t afraid of that spinning bar at all, and slams into it a couple more times, finally giving it another end-over-end toss that throws it onto its back. That’s good aggression, but it’s taking its toll. Diablo’s plow seems more or less intact, albeit dented and nicked, but the flipper structure behind it is starting to bend and twist, and the wedge is actually a good bit steeper than it used to be.

Some undercutters have limited maneuverability when inverted because they have sloped bodies that put their blades at a high angle. Chronic Jobber doesn’t, and it pirouettes away from another charge, nearly clipping the back of Diablo Genesis. That bar looks to be close to full speed, and now there’s a new danger. That thing looks higher off the ground than DG’s plow extends. Can it even attack Jobber head-on now?

Looks like it can! Diablo’s shape is shallow enough that it slides under the front of Jobber’s chassis before Jobber can reach its body. Immediately it fires the flipper... and sparks fly! Jobber tried to turn away off the wedge, Diablo lost bite, and the result is the flipper getting fed into the bar at high speed! A huge impact flings Jobber high into the air and bounces off the TOP of one of the lobotomizers. This creates even more shrapnel as the drill mechanism’s cover goes kerplooie. Speaking of going kerplooie, Diablo Genesis’s flipper just became a work of modern art. One of the red structural tubes is cut completely through and the other one’s bent way off to the side. Two of the gray side-to-side tubes are severed as well, and sticking out at weird angles.

To its credit, Diablo Genesis bum-rushes Jobber and pins it against the wall, then feeds it to the lobotomizer – unfortunately the one Jobber just broke the drill on – but there’s no chance of that flipper closing again. Jobber doesn’t even need to get up to full speed to take a massive chunk out of one of the pontoons of Diablo Genesis, and the bot stops moving after that – hard to tell if that’s intentional.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:49, is Chronic Jobber!

Last edited by Cha0sFerret on Sun Feb 17, 2019 12:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
Mastodon... Extinction (HW)
Osiris... Armageddon! (MW)
Elrathia... ROBOTS (LW)
Magnolia Pico... Ruination 4 (MW)
RipTide... ROBOT2 (FW)

The Monsterworks: 149 - 43 (.776) ...Probably up to no good.
The Cherry Bomb Classic III: 7-0Show
Carbonemys: 3-0
Black Diamond: 2-0
I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!: 2-0

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The Monsterworks
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Re: The Cherry Bomb Classic III: Fight Cards, Brackets, and Writing Assignments

Post by The Monsterworks » Sat Feb 23, 2019 11:06 pm

The Woodshed.

What sort of image does that particular pair of words conjure in your mind's eye? For those of us who have had the misfortune of fighting in ARC's most infamous arena, the answer is simple: a lovingly crafted hell for fighting robots. It is nothing more and nothing less. For those who have not, I can only say 'be prepared.' Be prepared for a murderer's row of hazards, for the ultimate test of your driving skill, your robot's armour, and your ability to repair a machine between fights. This week, our heavyweights and superheavyweights will be in action here in the remote outpost of Yellowknife, located deep in the wilds of northern Canada. So, without further ado, allow me to say 'welcome'. Are you ready to get taken to The Woodshed?

The Woodshed

The Woodshed by Floating Castle Robotics on Sketchfab

Name: The Woodshed

Location: Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, Canada

Layout: U-shape

Size: Prongs = 20 ft x 30 ft; Bottom section = 60 ft x 30 ft - 3000 square feet

Intended Use: MW-SHW Singles and Doubles

Theme: Sawmill

Floor Materials: Brazilian Walnut planks with fire resistant coating

House Robots: This arena has two 'Grizzly' house robots which patrol the caution-striped zones at the tips of the arena's two forks.
Smokey & YogiShow
A Pair of Bears

Yogi & Smokey by Floating Castle Robotics on Sketchfab

Yes, they're a matching pair of Breaker Box-style lifters named after two of the most famous bears out there (sorry, Winnie and Baloo). They do exactly what you think they do. Also, a second yes: they will deal 10 impact damage if they smack into you.

Stats: 10 speed / 9 traction / 10 torque / 1 weapon / 6 armour (+6 house robot bonus)
Hazards and Features:
  • Hacksaws (2) - These are heavy blades about eight feet long suspended from the ceiling by a winch system. They drop onto robots that drive onto the caution-striped area beneath them, doing light-to-moderate damage.
  • Chopper Row (2x6) - A line of six woodcutters' axes that fire at anyone who drives into the caution striped squares in front of them. They deal moderate to-heavy damage.
  • Log Rollers (4) - located in front of the triggers for the arena's most powerful hazards, these sets of rollers deny traction to bots driving over them.
  • Low Wall (1) - located at the top to the 'U' shape's base, a wall that is only two feet high stretches for about twenty feet, allowing most flippers to flip an opponent out of the arena and into the dead space beyond.
  • Log Chute (1) - located in the middle at the base of the 'U', this large pit remains closed unless one of its triggers is pressed, in which case it will open for the next thirty seconds. If both triggers are pressed, it will remain open for the rest of the match. Robots that fall into the Log Chute are considered to be eliminated.
  • The Murdersaw (1) - Located just south of the Low Wall, this king-sized saw moves rapidly (with the equivalent of five speed) back and forth on a twenty-four foot track when one of its two triggers is pressed. When both are pressed, the Jaws Theme plays and the Murdersaw remains active for the duration of the match. This hazard does heavy to catastrophic damage.
Achievement: Lumberjack - Feed an opponent to the Murdersaw three times.

The Fight Card

Below are the week's fights. RPs will be due on Saturday, March 2, at 11:59 PM EST. The RP limit is usually 400 words and will be strictly enforced. Please include Remember to inform your opponent of configuration choices.





Richter Division (A)

Long Arm of the Law has a bye

Bass Drop II vs. Trashman

NOOOOOO! Not Bass Drop! I can't write that thing for shi... just kidding. I get how it works now. No need to panic. :V Anyway, Trashman sends his minibots - whoops, I'm sorry, TRASHCANS - towards the triggers that open the log chute. Gotta be proper here... like it even matters. Bass Drop isn't keen on letting the trashcans open up the chute, but he has a bigger problem in the form of Trashman coming straight at him as they round the edges around the Murdersaw, patent pending. They meet and Trashman lifts up the plow (a bit) to block the hammer. Unfortunately it's slow as shit, so Bass Drop gets a massive free hit to the main body which dents up the front of Trashman a bit. Trashman seems fine otherwise though, and now the plow is in a position to properly block the next shot of Bass Drop, which glances off the plow and manages to bounce Bass Drop itself up a bit. While that is happening, one of the trashcans is having trouble as it attempts to hit one of the triggers, but the log rollers are giving the small fucker trouble as its traction is gone and it smacks into the wall instead. The other one is beginning to by-pass the main tussle, when Bass Drop decides it wants to kill the minibot instead. So it turns. Trashman capitalizes by pushing forward, but needs to reset the scoop to properly get a clamp in. Too late. Bass Drop lunges forward out of Trashman's path and flattens the strolling trashcan with a well-aimed SMACK. Um... gross. It's like accidentally stepping on a grasshopper and seeing its guts go everywhere. Or breaking open a Hefty bag, which would be a more meaningful comparison. Regardless, one of the trashcans is a dead asshole. On the other hand, the other trashcan has finally hit one of the pit triggers, opening the log chute. Now Trashman really wants Bass Drop down that dumpster. But Bass Drop turns and gives him a well-aimed SMACK again, further damaging the top, so Trashman has to lift the scoop again.

It's not really going Noah's way yet, but as Trashman corrals Bass Drop about, the latter going nuts with the hammer, they're nearing a wall, and Bass Drop has no real room to maneouvre, so eventually Trashman manages to get him in a position where he can properly clamp him without taking pot-shots from the hammer. Well that sucks. The surviving trashcan, meanwhile, gets across the log rollers again, and very slowly moves about the log chute, taking care not to fall in, itself. Trashman gets the gist and hauls his prize off to the chute, but the chute closes before he can dump Bass Drop in. Shit. Good thing the trashcan is nearing the other release, right? Go on... across the log rollers... whoops, into the wall again. Bass Drop is continuing to flail around with the hammer, but is only causing the robots to jerk around a bit. Whoops, I spoke too soon. A sudden SMACK from Bass Drop manages to knock him out of Trashman's grip and directly on top of the log chute... damn. If that were open, he'd be hosed. Wait, the trashcan hits the second trigger! Bass Drop scoots the hell out of Dodge before the panel can descend again, and now he's after the trashcan. Problem is that he has to get across the log rollers to do that, so sacrificing traction. Does he care? Not really. WHACK. Okay, second bug swatted. Ew, trash guts. But hey, guess what? Trashman's got him again, and this time from an angle where Bass Drop can't hit him. Although, this gives Bass Drop more range to try and shake himself loose quicker here, so Trashman has to hurry. Off they go to the log chute again, and Bass Drop is flailing and smacking the arena floor madly trying to budge... and he does. Only to be pushed straight into the wall, out of range of the hacksaws but almost right next to the log chute. Trashman gives 'er, everything he has, to push Bass Drop along the wall into the log chute, and... yep. Down he goes.

Post-match, Noah checks on Trashman, and to his grief he notices that the egg has a slight crack in it.

The Trashman wins by a knockout in 1:55.

Shadow Mk 5 vs. Meta Ridley

Both bots skitter out of the starting boxes as soon as the battle kicks off, and Shadow is immediately trying to line up a head-on shot on Meta Ridley's disc, but the undercutter's a bit too wise to such tactics. At the last minute, the Blood Gulch machine swerves to the right, and there's a HUGE impact on the side of the drum spinner! Oh, goodness, that's not healthy. One of the supports and half the panelling on the left-hand side of Shadow is completely caved in, and the drum seems to be losing power. Meta Ridley has been thrown to the side by the collision, but it recovers and spins up again. Rather than go into full retreat, Shadow tries a different tactic, trying to get around to the sides and rear of the thwack-tailed machine, but it's just not fast enough to get around the disc. Another blow chews up one of the wheels, and after that Shadow is completely out of options. One last hit a few seconds later, and the machine is counted out.

Winner: Meta Ridley, KO by Immobilization, 01:17

Compound Fracture vs. Perdito

Wedge fight? Wedge fight! Joy. The fight kicks off with Compound Fracture and Perdito beelining for that sweet head-on collision action that we all love so much, and - what's this? Perdito's under CF! The flip doesn't do a lot, though, but Perdito presses its attack now that the actuated part of CF's wedge has been flicked up. While HFL can't quite get the lifter down in time, he doesn't have to - the outrigger forks are more than able to slip under the sides of Perdito. CF starts a big, backward shove, high-centring the flipper before turning it over, only to slam it into the wall by the choppers. As Perdito flips, it takes a CLANG from the arena hazards right on the baseplate, forcing it to use up another flip to reset. It races out towards the middle of the arena, but CF's superior acceleration means it catches it and gets a ram in from behind, lifting it up and ramming it into the wall behind the pit. And again. And again! And oh this time Perdito manages to get out and reset. It spins around, trying to force another head-on collision, and CF is eager to oblige. Once again, though, it goes Perdito's way, and despite the superior acceleration CF can't get off the wedge before the flipper can get properly underneath it. The forkbot is flung backwards, bouncing once and landing upside down, but it gets away and resets itself. This back and forth continues throughout the rest of the match, neither bot using the hazards much, and it ends - somewhat surprisingly, considering there's a pit - with the judges being called in to assess the fight.

Damage: Compound Fracture 9 - 6 Perdito
Aggression: Compound Fracture 8 - 7 Perdito
Control: Compound Fracture 8 - 7 Perdito

Winner: Compound Fracture, 25-20 JD

Wedgelord Division (B)

Golden Blaze has a bye

Pendulum II vs. Tabor Mk. 3

All right, we’ve got two British machines here, the turreted scoop of Tabor against the powerful pickaxe of Pendulum. Tabor immediately goes for its hazard activation buttons, kind of turning the turret sideways to slam them. The log chute yawns open and the Murdersaw screams to life, turning the arena into a pushbot’s playground. Pendulum heads between the hazards and comes in to attack, but Tabor raises its scoop overhead! It doesn’t have the strongest armor on top, but will Pendulum even be able to reach it?

Pendulum II doesn’t take the bait of just firing its axe into the scoop like an idiot, but what it does do is try to circle around the side of Tabor, which when you’re fighting a robot that’s just as fast as you and has a turret does, uhh, absolutely nothing. It misses and backs off a couple times, but each time it’s exposing its own side, and Tabor eventually takes advantage of that, darting forward and slamming into it. Tabor’s skirts get under Pendulum’s side, and it just slams its opponent into the wall right underneath one of the hacksaws. It drops down, and... bounces harmlessly off of Tabor’s scoop, which is basically over the top of Pendulum like an umbrella, if umbrellas were made of wear-resistant steel.

Tabor holds Pendulum against the wall for a few seconds, but Pendulum backs away onto the log rollers. It gets away and out into the middle of the arena, and another tussle ensues. Pendulum thinks it has a shot at Tabor’s body this time, but nope, it’s able to put the scoop in the way again. And actually, Tabor lifts up, kind of hooking Pendulum’s axe and lifting its front end up. Pendulum retracts the weapon, but Tabor’s able to swing it off at an angle before it can do so and wedges it again. This time it muscles it into the Murdersaw track. Pendulum’s high-centered there, and fires the axe frantically to try to get free, but doesn’t pull it off in time! Ouch! The side armor gets a nasty gash in it and it’s bend upward, along with making Pendulum do a 720 degree roll.

The other Log Chute trigger gets triggered by Tabor, but the Murdersaw ends up coming to a halt, and Pendulum’s out for blood. It comes in straight on the attack against Tabor, and... what’s this? It’s under Tabor and it’s steadily pushing it backwards! It fires the axe like an improvised front-hinged flipper, but it’s not quite far enough under for the “Call Life Alert” text to be revealed. Instead Tabor’s shoved backwards, and tries to circle-strafe around Pendulum. Pendulum’s having none of it, and darts off to slam into the other Murdersaw trigger. It comes back in head-on, and Tabor actually ducks away. Pendulum has it on the defensive now! It brings the axe down again, just missing, and...

Now Pendulum isn’t moving. Well, it’s twitching a little. The wheels are spinning against the arena floor, and the pneumatic system fires to try to retract the axe, but nothing happens. TBR’s calling for an unstick.

Sigh... this is what you get for putting a sharp spike on your axe. This is also what you get for using wood-and-plastic floors on your arena. The match is paused, and Yogi and Smokey come out to try to knock Pendulum free. They technically succeed at this, but a big chunk of the floor comes with it. Damnit. The pit closes and the Murdersaw grinds to a halt.

(Fifteen minutes of crowbarring and sledgehammering later)

And Pendulum’s axe, now with a bent spike, is finally free and the arena floor repaired. Let’s get this started... well, the Murdersaw isn’t coming back on because apparently the timer for that doesn’t pause when the match clock does. At least the pit works, and after about thirty seconds Pendulum goes down it.

Your winner, by pitting in 2:44, is Tabor MK 3!

Something Something Clusterbot vs. Hellfire

YSMQ's gone with an interesting strategy here, with one cluster hugging the other's ass at the start. They rush out of the square, rolling right into the pit button, causing it to pop open. Meanwhile, Hellfire's made it out to the main bit of the arena, rushing at the duo as they split up. The blue cluster very nearly gets snagged, but both halves manage to dodge Hellfire, rushing the pit button, locking it open for the rest of the match. Both cluster halves go into attack mode, claws wide open as they close in on Hellfire, who closes the distance. Both minibots begin strafing around Hellfire, closing in on its sides, Hellfire turning and rushing the blue one again, this time scooping under and launching it up towards the ceiling! The minibot lands hard on one of its corners, splinters of wheel sent spinning across the arena. Meanwhile, as the blue half struggles, the purple half manages to slip under Hellfire's side, shunting it towards the now open log chute. Noisey isn't able to react in time to stop the cluster dumping it down the log chute, though nearly going down itself in the process.

Something Something Clusterbot wins by KO in 0:56!

Dreadnought Mk.4 vs. Chimera

You know how when you have an app update and the changelog says “Bug fixes/performance improvements” but the app still seems to run the same as always? That’s pretty much how I feel every time I see Alex add a new number after Dreadnought. For reasons best known only to himself, Alex is also opting to use the wedgeletes. Anyway, both bots charge out of their starting squares to the main section of the arena. Being fairly close in speed, they both turn the corner roughly at the same time (Chimera about a split second before). Dreadnought seems to want to avoid a directly head-on confrontation, but Chimera, being faster, forces the issue anyway. The forks force themselves underneath Dreadnoughts front. Chimera wants to angle him towards the Murdersaw, but Dreadnought is quick enough to squirm loose. Chimera stays in hot pursuit, and Dreadnought finds itself getting backed up to the logrollers and is quickly losing maneuvering room. He decides to change tact and get back on the offensive and the quick change catches Chimera off guard just enough for Dreadnought to slip past the lifting forks and get under him. A quick fire of the flipper throws Chimera into range of the choppers. Luckily Chimera has reasonably tough top armor, so he gets free with only minor damage. However, focusing on getting clear of the hazard leaves him open to being wedged by Dreadnought once again. He ends up getting flipped back in the central area of the arena. With the Murdersaw currently not triggered, it looks like Dreadnought is trying to get Chimera to the low wall. With more space to maneuver now, Chimera manages to avoid Dreadnought angling past the forks again and wedges Dreadnought and promptly begins driving him right back where he came from. Dreadnought ends up getting shoved over the log rollers and gets jostled around. It takes a bit of effort to actually get back on solid floor again, and by then Chimera is ready to wedge him once more and next gives Dreadnought a taste of Chopper row. Like Chimera, Dreadnought has enough armor to be fortunate enough to only take a smallish amount of damage and still be working okay (if somewhat dented up). The fight remains concentrated around this bend of the arena and more or less keeps going back and forth. The Murdersaw almost comes into play near the end with Dreadnought just narrowly missing Chimera right into it.

Aggression: 8-7 Chimera
Damage: 8-7 Dreadnought
Strategy: 8-7 Chimera

Chimera wins 23-22

Broken GhostDivision (C)

Spitfire has a bye

Necroblade vs. Petaflare

We've got some lean and green fighting machines here, but THERE CAN BE OOOONLY OOOONE. See? So Tri directs Petaflare around the corner and Necroblade is just coming at it with the... blade. Yeah I got nothing. Dylan just gives no fucks and rams the blade down Petaflare's throat... cool. Running inverted actually let Necroblade hit the crushing beak instead of losing most of the power on the wedge. Except it doesn't kill the crusher, nor does it take out its effectiveness, and before Necroblade can recover in comes Petaflare to chomp down. Necroblade is slightly faster so it tries to get away, but it's only on two wheels so Petaflare takes advantage of the traction loss to get properly under, and... eww. Already, there's large quantities of smoke coming from inside of Necroblade. I think I can see where this match is going. Petaflare takes Necroblade to one of the Murdersaw triggers, and activates it. Funny, I expected Necroblade to put up a fight to get away. Maybe the log rollers had something to do with it. No? Petaflare has to release Necroblade now, and it seems like the first crunch actually managed to kill Necroblade! Whoa! So Tri decides to spare him any further pain and waits for the countout, while Dylan merely shrugs and eats a Klondike Bar. In the crowd, Danielle looks a little disappointed.

Petaflare wins by a knockout in 0:57.

Terminating Cutter Gen III vs. Death Metal

We got a fight between a tombclone and a modular bot that chose it's tombclone config.

The fight starts and both robot go to the middle section of the arena, there Death Metal tries to go around but TCG3 forces a weapon to weapon hit. Naturally both bots get thrown away, with Death Metal ending under one of the Hacksaws, activating said hazard. After first contact they go at each other again and a huge hit... JK they both go past each other, circle around for a pair of seconds and then they hit each other.

The next hit nothing exactly interesting happens but after that one there is a hit that send TCG3 under the other Hacksaw while Death Metal bounces around, triggering the Murdersaw in the process. A few not exactly interesting hits latter a big weapon to weapon hit sends DM into the Murdersaw. The bot is still alive but for sure that gotta hurt.

They both keep trying to out maneuver each other but neither can quite land a hit on any part of its respective opponents other than their weapons. Some more hits later there is a bit of smoke coming out of Terminating Cutter, it's drive look a bit funky but the weapon still looks functional.

For the next part of the fight not much happens other than more hits, some of then throw DM into a hazard. Fast forward to the last 30 seconds and Shaba finally manages to drive her bot the way she wanted to, successfully avoiding Billy's weapon and landing a hit on the wheel from the smoking side.

The now one-wheeled robot can show enough movement to not get counted out and to keep it's weapon facing Death Metal, surviving long enough to hear the buzzer sound.

Judges Decision:
Damage: Terminating Cutter Gen III 5, Death Metal 10
Aggression: Terminating Cutter Gen III 7, Death Metal 8
Control: Terminating Cutter Gen III 9, Death Metal 6

Your winner, by a 24-21 Judges Decision, is Death Metal!

Black Diamond vs. Coup de Grâce IV

We’ve got a good potential match here, the flipper and sheer speed of Black Diamond against the deadly hammer of Coup de Grace. In an arena like this both bots are in serious danger from the hazards as well, and Black Diamond seems to be fully embracing that! It immediately box rushes not its opponent (like that would work here) but the nearest hazard trigger. It bounces off, hitting the floor seam at the edge of the log rollers hard, and the Murdersaw screams to life. Black Diamond goes for the trigger for the Log Chute as well. Both hazards are now active. Meanwhile Coup de Grace has gotten into the middle area and is waiting for Black Diamond to get in range. Black Diamond charges... straight past it, into the other Murdersaw trigger.

This time though, Black Diamond’s caught on the log rollers! It can’t back away, and Coup de Grace comes in to get a free hit on its stuck opponent. But Black Diamond fires its flipper, and knocks itself onto its back and onto solid ground. One wheel actually gets traction and it speeds away, inverted. Coup keeps after it, but Black Diamond fires at low power and gets back onto its wheels, then speeds away, taking a glancing hammer blow to its wedge.

Both bots get reset, and Black Diamond races in, then stops at the last second and backs off, tires squealing. Coup de Grace doesn’t take the bait though, and just menacingly approaches. Black Diamond darts back in and goes for its side, but only gets under the corner skirts. Coup de Grace just pivots around and slams the hammer down on top of Black Diamond. The hammer blocker does its job, but it looks like there’s a bend in the protective bar now. Coup de Grace pops itself in the air and off-balance though, and Black Diamond forces its way under its side and flips! Coup sails through the air, actually going over the corner of the Log Chute, and crashes down under a hacksaw. It gets hit, but doesn’t appear to be damaged. Immediately it self-rights with the hammer and gets away from the hazard. Good defensive driving by both bots so far.

The battle turns into a real slugfest, with both bots getting some good shots in. Coup gets its front wedge under Black Diamong and slams the hammer down, but Black Diamond starts to retreat and Coup just gets another blow to BD’s flipper. It looks like there’s some denting, but smacking a steep angled surface with a rounded hammer just ain’t effective, and that creates another opening for Black Diamond to flip. Coup goes flying, but self-rights and is on the attack again, buckling the side of the hammer blocker down. The Log Chute closes, but Black Diamond flips Coup de Grace into one activation trigger, then makes a beeline for the other one.

With both hazards active, it’s only a matter of time before somebody goes into one, and what ends up happening is Coup de Grace gets shoved into the Murdersaw. It’s the side that’s spinning down so it isn’t flung: instead the saw jams and Coup de Grace gets a huge gash cut into its side skirt. The top polycarbonate armor is shattered on that side as well. The saw backs off, but Coup’s still high-centered on the track, and flails wildly with its hammer. Black Diamond comes home to free it – and that was very nearly an OOTA! Coup de Grace has to carefully navigate out of the trench of death, and Black Diamond’s waiting for it. Or is CdG waiting for Black Diamond? That’s another huge hit, and the hammer blocking pipe is now severely bent and looks to have separated from the supporting structure on one side.

Black Diamond’s not out of it yet, though. The bots keep fighting, and Coup de Grace gets bounced off the side of the murdersaw while airborne. The flipper seems like it’s getting weaker, though. A bit more back-and-forth action, and Coup de Grace finally collapses the hammer blocker and puts a huge dent in the top of Black Diamond. It’s still working, though... and there’s another nasty blow from the Murdersaw, this time catching Coup de Grace’s back corner and tossing it several feet in the air.

Coup de Grace now only has drive on one side, but Black Diamond’s flipper’s doesn’t appear to be functional, and the last thirty seconds are basically a pushing match, with Black Diamond trying to get Coup down the pit, but having trouble getting under it and nearly falling down itself when Coup spins out of the way. Despite both the scary hazards being activated, both bots make it the full three minutes.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Coup de Grace 9, Black Diamond 6

Aggression: Coup de Grace 5, Black Diamond 10

Control: Coup de Grace 4, Black Diamond 11

Your winner, by a 27-18 Judges’ Decision, is Black Diamond!


YOU DIED Division (A)

Black Mamba has a bye

Maurdread vs. Triple 6

Well, at the start of this fight, the two drivers make for quite the contrast. While Danielle looks excited and maybe a tad too rosy-cheeked, bouncing up and down in her driver's booth, Bastien looks positively forlorn in his. Then again, how does he usually look?

None of that matters when the buzzer sounds, though. Both bots come streaking out at each other for a head-on collision and Triple Six has achieved liftoff. It somersaults a solid seven or so feet through the air and does a 540, landing upside-down near the Log Chute. Fortunately for Danielle, Maurdread is in no position to capitalize, having been pushed a bit back itself by the impact. Also fortunate is the sturdiness of her wedge. It seems to have held up to that massive hit without any significant damage.

That's no deterrent to the French machine, however, which rushes back in, drum already whirring up to death hum speeds as Triple Six quickly self-rights. These two are just here to brawl, it seems, and they meet head-on once more, with Triple Six getting under. It's Maurdread's turn to fly, and fly it does, landing dangerously close to the dormant murdersaw track. The Team Stealth machine is on the attack immediately, attempting to follow up that flip with a heave over or at least towards the low wall but, activating its clutch mechanism, Maurdread somersaults through the air, crashing down behind its onrushing opponent.

Luckily for Triple Six, the Team Obscure entry is facing the wrong direction to put its weapon to use, so we get a bit or a dance before the American machine is able to gain a slight advantage and fling its opponent for the second time. Maurdread is on the Murdersaw track for real, this time, and it seems to be high-centered. Bastien is throttling the drum and trying to wriggle free and it just might work but, for a precious moment, Danielle has a choice to make: go for a potential OOTA heave or activate the hazard.

Confident in her weapon, she opts for the former, lining up a shot, slipping Triple Six's wedge under, and delivering a clinical flip. The issue is, as Maurdread twirls through the air an impressive number of rotations, that she only managed to get the tip under and, while it's an impressive-looking flip, it doesn't have the range to boot the Team Obscure machine from the arena. Instead, it ends up in the small indent between the hazard and the low wall, partially high-centered on the angles surfaces of each. This time, the setup is too perfect for Danielle to say no to, and Triple Six, after nearly getting stuck on the rollers, activates the murdersaw. A low, deadly hum reverberates through The Woodshed as the terrifying hazard ramps up to full power, accelerating along its track towards the helpless drum spinner. The back of Maurdread is carved wide open by the blow and immediately, there's fire.

The fuel tank for its petrol-driven engine has been pierced, and now Bastein's robot is leaving a trail of fire in its wake. Perfectly at home in what's starting to look more and more like a literal hell, Triple Six resumes the offensive and the two bots meet head on. Despite the damage that it's sustained, Maurdread still has a powerful weapon and the slightly better wedge and Triple Six flies for the second time...


It's some spectacular luck for Bastien, who certainly hasn't had much in this battle, as the colossal hazard makes contact with the Team Stealth machine and absolutely launches it for a third time. And yet, that is where the Frenchman's luck ends. His bot's been living on borrowed time ever since the damage to its gas tank. Its weapon motor, out of gas, sputters to a stop. What's more, is that Triple Six has a full twelve armour on its flipper and that enough to, if not quite 'nope' the deadly murdersaw, at least not take more than a small hole and some deep scratches from that impressive impact. It lands right side up and charges in, a furious devil in a realm of flames and murdersaws. Maurdread outwedges it again, but there are no consequences this time. Danielle simply backs up and tries again, gaining the advantage this time and flinging Maurdread once more. The drum spinner lands on its back this time with a bit of momentum and it's going to roll back onto...nope, not quite. It almost made it back onto its wheels, but Bastien's luck - read: bad - has been fairly consistent throughout what's been an absolute back-and-forth slobberknocker of a bout. And that's all, folks. The referee's count reaches ten and this one's in the books.

Result: Triple 6 wins by KO at 2:22

TAT vs. Dysprosinator

Dysprosinator is in hot pursuit while TAT runs away. Wheee. The crowd ain't happy that this is going on until Dysprosinator flips it over. And over. And over, into Yogi's patrol zone. It drives it around and smashes it into the walls. Smokey becomes jealous that his brother is getting all the fun, so he disobeys the house rules and tries to take TAT away. While this is all going on, TAT takes some serious ramming damage as they both take turns bashing it into the walls. They both fight over it until some purple curtains are pulled away, with Jules in her own control booth doing none other, than controlling Momma Bear. Momma Bear trucks em both, sends them back into their corners, and turns around with a near-death drum spinner on her wedge. What Momma Bear didn't see was that Dysprosinator had turned on the button for the chute. Dysprosinator barely flips her over, and after the third try, actually sends Momma down the chute, with angry roars filling and fading down in the pit

Dysprosinator wins by Animal Cruelty in Only You Can Prevent Wildfires

Starfish Prime vs. Shellshock

Both bots begin spinning up as they exit the side passageways, Starfish noticeably faster than Shellshock during this, though not just because of its better drivetrain. Shellshock's having some issues spinning without clipping the walls or hazards. One of the axes drops down to try to hit the flail, but instead finds itself torn off of its mount and lobbed into Smokey's playground. Smokey gives it a little nudge around whilst it waits for more interesting prey. it'll make a decent chew-toy for now, but that won't mean it'll cover the damage costs. Meanwhile, Shellshock has finally escaped the passage, Starfish waiting at the entrance for it. The two close in on one another, ready for the first impact of the match, the two coming together with a BLAM! Shellshock wobbles about, but keeps spinning, just about, though it seems to have a little instability as it approaches Starfish for a second strike. Starfish got thrown further, landing next to the rollers. After a moment to achieve full speed once more, as the two collide once more-


Oh, well, that isn't good. One of Shellshock's flail tips has been torn entirely off, and has lodged itself firmly in the lexan over the choppers. Shellshock gyro-dances menacingly towards Starfish, though its dance isn't anywhere near enough to stop it tanking a couple of unstable hits to attack Shellshock's Life Points directly, bouncing them back towards the choppers. Whoever is operating the choppers today seems to be out for Shellshock's blood, possibly as vengeance for it dismantling its kind and breaking its wall earlier, dropping down on its silly hat, locking around the wobbling machine and actually tilting it enough to strand it from the force. Starfish takes the opportunity to gut the clam, tearing out a hunk of its baseplate and sending chunks of rubber skittering across the arena. Anyone up for clam chowder? Shellshock's final action in the match is to finally get itself free of the axe, though once it's down, the only thing moving is the shell.

Starfish Prime wins by KO in 1:31!

Tax Cutter Division (B)

HAN-D has a bye

Equisde vs. Final Boss

Equisde rockets out of the starting gates, proving literally too fast for the choppers to strike, their heads plokking off of the woodwork sadly. Final Boss takes a more careful approach out, waiting for Equisde to make its approach. Equisde comes in, and somehow has not killed itself on any hazards or stray pebbles in the arena. Equisde makes a somewhat wavy approach as Final Boss tries to handle it, slides the prongs under, and rushes Final Boss over a set of rollers and into the button, the ominous death-hum of the Murdersaw playing as it starts grinding. Final Boss manages to get free as Equisde reverses, getting its own flipper under the side as YSMQ attempts to change direction, launching the green bot head over heels onto its back. NWOWWE can't resist the chance, as he lines up a second flip, putting Equisde in the line of the Murdersaw, which proceeds to slice clean through the bot like a guillotine cutting through a sheet of paper, not an inch of resistance from the armor of the omnidrive machine. The two perfectly severed halves of the machine fall apart on the ramp, spewing LiPo fumes into the box. Final Boss moves to squat over the log chute's entrance, as both roboteers look surprised by this impressively clean kill from the Murdersaw.

Final Boss wins by KO in 0:27!

OverCleaver vs. Hartmann's Youkai Bot II

At the outset of the match, Billy sportingly hands his opponent a pamphlet kindly listing all of his bots weaknesses and providing detailed, step-by-step instructions on how to beat it. Trihunter rightly thanks him and proceeds to his control booth.

The match opens with both spinners getting up to speed, and the arena reverberates with the sound of twin death hums. They approach each other cautiously, avoiding The Woodshed's myriad hazards, and then line up for a head-to-head. Billy might be overly sporting, but he isn't dumb, however, and he quickly opts to try circling Hartmann's Youkai Bot, hoping to get at one of its wheels.

Welp, the Cool Story Brobotics machine responds by charging in and clipping its side, tearing a massive gouge in its armour and flinging the Indonesian entry into the murdersaw track. Of course, the hazard is dormant and there are no further consequences. Miraculously unaffected, OverCleaver resets, and the circling restarts, with it taking a slightly wider approach. Again, HYB rushes in, but Billy's able to get a bit of his bot's front wedge facing that murderous weapon. On the one hand, its sacrifice serves the purpose of preventing any serious internal damage, but the mangled corner is also forced right into the path of one of the front wheels, jamming it up in a manner that would make Kenny Florian proud.

A third attempt to circle is prevented by OverCleaver's newfound drivetrain issues, and HYB scores a grizzly shot that flings the Team Eagle bot into a wall and tears a front corner wide open, spilling a drive motor, gears, an armour panel, and a wheel across The Woodshed. Amazingly, OverCleaver's weapon is still going, but the rest of it isn't. HYB backs off, slowly spinning down and does a victory twirl. After a second devastating win, it's definitely starting to develop a bit of a reputation.

Result: Hartmann's Youkai Bot wins by KO at 1:14

Cruelty vs. Phantasmic Slammer

This one starts off with nearly a forfeit from the Team Ignition side, as after one postponement already, Dylan finally shows up and switches on his bot before making his way up to the drivers’ booth. I can tell that he’s tired...ooh boy, we still have a ways in this tournament-hopefully, our veteran roboteer can catch a break-and some sleep.

Anyway, the match begins and both bots start out of their squares and race towards each other, meeting about halfway, in front of the murdersaw. Cruelty takes a head-on approach to attack PS, while Dylan tries to angle in on Cruelty’s forks-which, it looks like he was just a split-second too late. Cruelty gets its forks under PS’s wedge and easily shoves it right into one of the murdersaw triggers, which activates the fearsome hazard. Cruelty then backs off to allow PS to get free from the wall, but then immediately slams into it again and attempts to shove him into the activated hazard. I’m not sure, but there might be something wrong with PS’s drive-it’s acting a bit...sluggish.

Although, as soon as I say that, The Team Ignition machine manages to just barely escape the looming murdersaw and the hazard deactivates...for now. Cruelty is the one backpedaling a bit as it reverses away from the low wall in fear of a well-timed flip and OOTA from PS. But, Cruelty keeps reversing...into the trigger for the log chute pit. Dylan notices and drives about halfway back towards his square, hoping that Cruelty follows.
Cruelty remains aggressive and charges PS, and again wins the wedging war, getting underneath and shoving PS straight back...right into Smokey’s patrol zone! The House Robot charges and slams Phantasmic Slammer, then doesn’t let up as it repeatedly rams it against the wall. Release is then called and PS escapes, relatively unscathed. It does manage to skirt past Cruelty, who was only able to catch a corner of PS, and goes on the chase.

They meet back up in front of the murdersaw this time and PS spins around and just charges at Cruelty and pops its flipper, not even waiting if he was able to get it under the forks. It doesn’t, and PS pops itself into the air. Then, it lands inverted-right on the murdersaw track. Cruelty goes right over and triggers the hazard again and BANG the saw rips into the side of PA, creating a gash. But, PS is knocked clear of the hazard. It pops the flipper to right itself, but Cruelty is there waiting. It slams into PS and shoves it, once again, into the log chute trigger. PS is still inverted and Jack isn’t giving it the time to be able to right itself. It takes a few seconds, but Cruelty manages to shove PS right into the chute and out of the match!

Your winner via elimination, is Cruelty!

Steelhead Division (C)

Space Cadet has a bye

Delorean Cowboy vs. Santangelo

This match begins really damned predictably. Laz goes for the murdersaw trigger and the terrifying hazard screams to life, working up speed as it patrol its track. Slightly less expected is Delorean Cowboy getting in on the fun. With a bit of a better handle on his bot's gyroscopic turning issues than last time, Gabe maneuvers it over to the other murdersaw trigger and the Jaws theme begins playing. Laz, in that same amount of time, has driven Santangelo over to both of the Log Chute triggers, grinning like a madman as he turns the arena into a pushbox's playground.

When he reaches Delorean Cowboy, however, he finds it safely ensconced between the instant death of the murdersaw track and the unpleasantness of Chopper Row. It's a very tight fit, to be sure. The Angry Goat Robotics machine has one wheel up on the sloped edge of the murdersaw track, and the hazard is passing butt-cheek-clenchingly close to it each time that it reaches the end of its route. It's taken a couple of pops from one of the axes as well, leaving a pair of noticeable but ultimately dents in its 80s-inspired bodywork.

Faced with a conundrum, Laz sizes it up and decides to do the most Laz thing possible. He just charges straight in. And, he goes right up Delorean Cowboy's wedge and gets absolutely fucking blasted off. Santangelo does a straight up 900, landing upside down near the murdersaw trigger with a section in the middle of its flipper peeled up and a tooth missing. It promptly self-rights, its low-powered flipper having just enough oomph to get it over.

Of course, that's not to say that things go much better for the big spinner. It rebounds HARD into the wall and bounces off, its wedge and weapon ending up in the path of the hazard. Willing to eat a few pops from the choppers to save his bot from serious damage, Gabe mashes the reverse on his controller, but it's not quite quick enough. The murdersaw smashes into the side of his wedge assembly on its downstroke, mangling one side of it and nearly tipping Delorean Cowboy over.

However, Gabe is quick to get back into position and Laz is quick to prevent him from doing so. The latter almost succeeds. Having had little success with a brute force approach, Laz reconsiders and opts for...a brute force approach. Darting towards its opponent slightly off-center as if to try angling in in a battle of mangled wedges, Santangelo instead hooks wide, eating a pop from one of the choppers that may have scratched some paint, and plows into Delorean Cowboy's side as Gabe tries turning. To be fair, he actually gets his bot most of the way around, but the damaged side of the wedge is easy prey for the also damaged wedge on Laz' bot. being pushed onto the murdersaw track, Gabe attempts to hook out of this situation immediately, and that's when Santangelo flips. Normally, it probably wouldn't have been able to flip a pancake, but it's the perfect angle and the big spinner tips, tips, tips...

Saved by the murdersaw!

It isn't often that you hear that, but the massive saw catches Delorean Cowboy on a downstroke and kind of hooks it back onto its wheels, extracting the blood price of considerable damage to that side of the chassis and a mangled wheel. Of course, the momentary respite is soon over and it's back to reality. The Angry Goat machine is now even less mobile, it's been dislodged from its safe space, and its opponent is out for blood. Santangelo easily gets around its side this time and flips, tipping it up on two wheels but not quite over. No matter. It wedges the spinner a second time, narrowly avoiding a hooking counter, and flips once more, shunting Delorean Cowboy ever closer to the Log Chute. Laz opts for just pushing instead, so Gabe tries straight reversing. His bot's damaged drive wheel makes it not such a straight line, but he actually manages to clip Santangelo with his weapon and kick the two bots apart. Unfortunately, the angle isn't a good one for any bite and the damage to the big white fuck-you wedge is minimal. It's back on the attack again, within moments, and finally able to deliver the coup de grace. Down the Log Chute goes Delorean Cowboy.

Result: Santangelo wins by pitting at 1:37

KEGATRON vs. I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!

Kegatron spins up and I Dance Crabcore moves out with claws wide open. Kegatron charges gleefully into its embrace, and...

Well, I was expecting a shitfest, but not quite like this. Crabcore is basically now an absurdly wide wall, and Kegatron’s wheels butting up against it are making it almost impossible for Kegatron’s teeth to make contact. Almost. Because the middle of Crabcore’s taller than the sides Kegatron is able to put some scars into the thicc aluminum front plate, and the chains for Crabcore’s saw arm look uncomfortably close to that. However, it’s forcing Kegatron back, and slams it into the wall on top of the log chute. If Kegatron’s giant wheels had actual treads it might be able to just climb over, but with bare HDPE it just gets pinned with one wheel forced on top of a pontoon by the power of Crabcore’s drivetrain.

Anyway, after a clusterfuck of grabbing and spinning and bouncing around, Kegatron gets a solid hit on one of Crabcore’s claws. That sends it pirouetting around, but it’s nowhere near the kind of damage that Delorean Cowboy caused... or any damage, really. And otherwise Crabcore has steady control of the fight, delivering Kegatron into one wall and hazard after another. Somebody trips the Murdersaw at one point, and Crabcore delivers one of Kegatron’s wheels into it, but while the wheel gets torn up and bent a bit the flexible plastic protects it from any incapacitating damage.

Kegatron finally manages to turn Crabcore on its back, and – ouch! It gets a followup blow on the saw as Crabcore self-rights. The thing’s still attached, but it’s flopping around limply on its shaft. One of the back omni wheels seems to have come apart as well but it has like twelve layers of those.

Unfortunately, it’s then back to Kegatron getting bullied around. The Murdersaw turns off, but Crabcore boops a log chute trigger with its claws. The pit yawns open, and after a brief struggle Crabcore gets a grip Kegatron and shoves it over the edge! I Dance Crabcore ends up getting its claw sort of hooked by Kegatron’s giant wheel though, and topples in as well! Kegatron was definitely pitted first, though, so...

Your winner, by pitting in 2:21, is I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!

Fenrir vs. Lifter 2: Electric Boogaloo

Fenrir immediately charges out of its square, getting that drum spinning, but Lifter 2: Electric Boogaloo comes out very aggressively, just skirting around the Murdersaw track and going straight for it! Fenrir dodges away, still trying to build up speed. Lifter 2 goes after it again and briefly gets under the rear, but Fenrir spins away again, its left wheel lifting up in the air this time. Now it’s got the weapon going, and a noise like a leaf blower connected to a megaphone fills the arena. A bit of jockeying for position though, and Lifter 2 actually gets underneath Fenrir and shoves it backwards. Fenrir gyrodances away, but flips itself over in the process and ends up inverted on the log roller. It gets enough traction to free itself, but L2 smacks into it and starts bullying it towards the Choppers as the drum grinds against its lifter.

Fenrir bounces off the wall and manages to get enough space to self-right, and it immediately goes for its opponent head-on. Lifter 2 depresses its wedge and backs off as well as turning away, but oversteers a bit, and Fenrir’s able to follow it! It gets a solid hit on the lifting arm that tosses Lifter 2 back and almost over... and Fenrir just keeps coming, smacking into the wedge again and popping it up enough to get under it. There’s some grinding and sparks from under Lifter 2, but the drum ends up getting stopped, and all Fenrir can do is shove its opponent into the wall, then back up to spin up again.

Lifter 2 goes back on the attack, and this time succeeds in getting Fenrir into the choppers. The axes deliver one nasty hit, and then anoth – oof! Stop breaking our arena hazards! Well, that axe head now has a huge chip broken off by Fenrir’s drum. Shortly after that, Lifter 2’s lifter has a smaller chunk torn off, and Fenrir comes in again and delivers a followup hit that knocks the whole arm upward. Lifter 2 retreats, comes in again, and this time the drum’s grinding but Fenrir’s the one being forced back – right over the thankfully inactive log chute.

Fenrir gets away again and spins back up, but it’s really having to keep running away, and Lifter 2 decides to just hit one of the Log Chute triggers. It tries the sort of bait-and-switch reversing tactic, but Fenrir just charges past it. Ole! Wait, wrong drum spinner. Anyway, this ends with another big hit by Fenrir, and after knocking the lifter upwards it continues into the front corner of Lifter 2’s chassis for another one! The armor’s scarred and dented but it doesn’t seem to be able to bite in well enough to flip Lifter 2 over. Lifter 2’s able to get under it again, but Fenrir gyrodances away – oh! And nearly falls down the pit! It speeds away back into the ‘arms’ of the arena, but comes back with a vengeance.

At this point Lifter 2’s lifting plow looks more like a Ski, by which I mean the whole damn thing’s curled upward. It changes tactics and starts ramming Fenrir in reverse, which lets it get it into the Choppers again and then into Yogi, who playfully bounces the drumbot off the arena wall. But ultimately, Fenrir’s skids are still intact and they start getting under it, tearing the wedge up as well. Lifter 2 gets tossed repeatedly in the air, but it just keeps coming. One of its tracks is stationary by the end of the fight, but both machines are still functional.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Fenrir 11, Lifter 2 Electric Boogaloo 4

Aggression: Fenrir 7, Lifter 2 Electric Boogaloo 8

Control: Fenrir 9, Lifter 2 Electric Boogaloo 6

Your winner, by a 27-18 Judges’ Decision, is Fenrir!

Mastodon... Extinction (HW)
Osiris... Armageddon! (MW)
Elrathia... ROBOTS (LW)
Magnolia Pico... Ruination 4 (MW)
RipTide... ROBOT2 (FW)

The Monsterworks: 149 - 43 (.776) ...Probably up to no good.
The Cherry Bomb Classic III: 7-0Show
Carbonemys: 3-0
Black Diamond: 2-0
I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!: 2-0

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The Monsterworks
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Re: The Cherry Bomb Classic III: Fight Cards, Brackets, and Writing Assignments

Post by The Monsterworks » Mon Mar 04, 2019 9:30 am

Well, ladies, gentleman, and assorted creatures of all ages, we're well into things now and patterns are starting to emerge. Maybe your bots are doing better than expected. Maybe they're not. Maybe you're scratching your head or stressing things. Please don't. It's just a game! To that end, we're taking a trip to the beautiful countryside of Northwest France this week, just outside of Caen. Take some time to enjoy French cuisine, walk along the storied beaches of Normandy, and appreciate the castles and ruins that dot this idyllic coast. When you're all done drinking in your fill, why don't you come down to the repurposed church that we've rented and have a few fights in the arena we've set up there. Take a moment to check out its details, and this week's bracket, below.


Gothiq by Floating Castle Robotics on Sketchfab

Name: Gothiq

Location: Caen, France

Layout: Rectangular

Size: 32 ft x 52 ft - 1664 square feet

Intended Use: FW-MW Singles and Doubles

Theme: Gothic-style church

Floor Materials: Stone Tiles

House Robots: This arena sometimes features two house robots which patrol the red zones along the flanks of the arena. However, they will not be active for CBC3.

Hazards and Features:
  • Gargoyles (2) - These are heavy stone statues mounted on vertical tracks that run along the arena's support pillars, slamming down onto robots that drive underneath them, dealing moderate to heavy damage. They have powerful electromagnets in their feet, allowing them to pick up some robots, lift, and then release them to deal additional light to moderate falling damage.
  • The Pipe Organ (2) - Mounted on an upper balcony, it constantly plays Night on Bald Mountain by Modest Mussorgsky or another organ transcription chosen by the starter of the RP thread. Whenever a robot drives over the red spot beneath the organ, it will strike a discordant note and fire an enormous pneumatic spike through a hole in the balcony floor at the unfortunate competitor, dealing moderate to heavy damage.
Achievement: True Believer - survive being hit by each hazard in a single fight.

The Fight Card

Below are the week's fights. RPs will be due on Saturday, March 9, at 11:59 PM EST. The RP limit is 400 words and will be strictly enforced. However, the passage relating to your preferred pipe organ transcription will not count towards this limit. Please include the stats of each bot fighting in your post, as it helps the writers, and remember to inform your opponent of configuration choices.





The DebilitatorDivision (A)

Ayame has a bye

Evil Destroyer vs Terpsichora

Dramatic music plays on the organ~HunterXHunter: Soldier Ants

The match begins and Terpsichora rushes out of its square, looking to meet with that powerful turreted horizontal spinner of Evil Destroyer. It trumbles out with its shufflers...yes, slowly-and it’s turret arm beginning to raise upwards. I think Maxi is trying to eyeball the height to get a shot on Terp’s drum mounts. Terpsichora advances on Evil Destroyer, but slows just short of entering its turret range. HFL knows better not to get too close to that powerful bar spinner on the end of that turret and hesitates, seeing that ED does not have much in the way of actual forward speed.

Evil Destroyer, at first with its turret arm held directly in front of its chassis, begins to swing it clockwise, to its side. Terpsichora, however, doesn’t fall for the bait, instead, it immediately rushes towards the blade, hoping to stop it and cause ED to destabilize itself. I think that HFL is worried that if that turret is raised towards the height of his drum supports, it would be bad news, indeed. Terpsichora goes in to make contact with the bar spinner, but Maxi just swings the turret further clockwise, and it’s quick and avoids contact with the drum spinner. HFL thinks about going in to get a hit on the now-exposed chassis of Evil Destroyer, but knows that turret would likely come swinging back around to land a devastating blow to Terpsichora’s exposed side.
Instead, Terpsichora keeps its drum pointed at the bar at the end of Evil Destroyer’s turret, but it’s now directly on the other side of ED’s chassis. HFL takes the ‘free’ shot on the shuffling chassis and lands a big hit into the right shuffler pod. This causes Evil Destroyer to tip over, its bar spinner catching the floor, which causes the whole robot to ‘jump’ into the air about a foot. But, it comes back down upright. Terpsichora has its drum spun up and lands another hit right near where the turret arm meets the bar. The bar clips the drum, as well, but it wasn’t fully spun up then, so little in the way of damage is done to HFL’s machine. However, the turret arm on ED is noticeably bent, due to either the impact with the floor or from Terp’s drum-not sure.

Terpsichora backs away just enough out of range to get its drum spun back up to speed. Evil Destroyer tries to shuffle its way away from the walls, but it is not getting far, not only because of its agonizingly slow speed, but for the damage that Terpsichora has done to the right-side drive pods. Maxi uses his weapon to compensate by gyro force, but it’s barely making translational movement at this point. Its weapon, despite the bent turret arm, looks to be fully functional, still, and HFL still needs to be cautious of that. ED holds that turret directly out in front of its main chassis in a more defensive posture this time around, and Terpsichora has no choice but to directly attack the weapon.
HFL charges his bot at Evil Destroyer’s bar spinner and


Both bots are flung away, Terpsichora more so than ED, due to the weight bonus. The Argentine’s bot, however, lands in a precarious situation-propped up against the wall right near one of the Gargoyles, but just outside of the hazard square. The weapon-weapon impact caused the bar on ED to hit its turret arm, and now it is even more bent, which is inhibiting operation of the weapon. Likewise, one of Terpsichora’s drum mounts is bent inward. The drum is functional, but not capable of reaching full speed. The rest of the robot works, however, and HFL drives it in towards Evil Destroyer, who barely manages to use its crippled turret arm to free itself from the wall. Terpsichora manages to wedge underneath and nudge the heavier shuffler under the Gargoyle, then backs away. The heavy stone statue comes crashing down on top of Evil Destroyer and smashes the turret lifter in the process.

Maxi manages to avoid getting picked up by the Gargoyle’s feet and limps feebly away. Terpsichora wedges in again to nudge it back under, but there’s the buzzer-this match is over!

Let’s see what the judges think…

Damage: 8-7 Terpsichora
Aggression: 9-6 Terpsichora
Control: 9-6 Terpsichora

Your winner, with a 26-19 decision, is Terpsichora!

Sleipnir vs Carnivore

* Night on Bald Mountain by Modest Mussorgsky plays on the organ, since neither driver chose a song*

Two hinged-fork wedges, one with a lifter/clamper. Let’s start this match!

Immediately, the two bots waste no time and charge at each other from across the expansive cathedral that is our arena for this round. Carnivore looks to continue to charge directly at Sleipnir while the smaller, 8-wheeled machine looks to angle in on the longer forks of Carnivore. However, Carnivore is almost just as fast as Sleipnir and the Northwest Shed’s bot is able to counter. Both machines are locked head-to-head and neither are giving an inch!

After about 10 seconds of a constant back-and-forth shoving contest between the two opponents, Carnivore manages to slip its clamp forks under and, using them as a lifter in this instance, starts to lift Sleipnir up. Mole immediately guns it in reverse and the back end of those eight wheels find enough purchase on the arena floor to jerk the robot back and away from Carnivore. Sleipnir regroups, then charges at Carnivore again-and again, it tries to angle in to avoid the clamping jaws, which are still in the closed position, likely to aid in wedging capability.

The Team Loading machine is just too quick on the counter to allow Sleipnir the angle and the two bots meet head-to-head once again, but this time, Sleipnir’s forks slip under and shoves Carnivore towards the back of the arena, where the pipe organ hazards are. Although, it’s not looking like Sleipnir has much of an advantage here-you’d think eight wheels would give a lot more ‘umph’...yeah, might want to invest in better torque there, Mole.

And Carnivore manages to slip free and hook away from Sleipnir before he could be carried over to the hazard. It rushes back toward the other end of the arena and the two bots square off, yet again. By this time, it’s apparent that all these two can really do to each other is rush head-on and who’s forks get under whose. Two more minutes go by with neither bot having an advantage over the other. Sleipnir does manage to wall-slam Carnivore once, but can’t make a pin or get the hazards involved.

And that’s 3 minutes up! Judges?

Damage: 8-7 Sleipnir
Aggression: 8-7 Sleipnir
Control: 8-7 Carnivore

Your winner, with a 23-22 Split decision….is Sleipnir!

Beast from the West II vs Hobart 2

None of you knuckleheads chose a song, so you get this.

Hobart spins up and exits it's square, while Beast from the West II decides to "move out of my start square from the different direction", whatever the hell that means.

There's some shuffling about the arena for the first half-minute or so, with Hobart in particular trying to find an opening to flank it's opponent. Push comes to shove, and Hobart winds up not being able to completely sidestep BW's weaponry. Rocket visibly shrugs from inside the driver's booth, then prepares to strike BW's weaponry.

Both bots... ALMOST collide head-on, but BW pussies out last second and backs away. Hobart's like "oh no you don't" and swerves right back in, they then collide for realsies this time. More specifically, Hobart's disc with one of BW's little forks. With a hefty "BRONG"-sounding noise, both competitors are chucked away from one another, smoke can faintly be smelt, but not seen from any of the competitors. Hobart's quick to try again, rattling its way over in BW's general direction. Both the weapons collide, Despacito stops.

...then the shock damage kicks in and Hobart's drum flies right off. The organ above the arena plays that little "du du DU du DUUUUU" jingle baseball stadiums use whenever someone scores a home run, because hoo boy that thing's outta here. BW proceeds to tap Hobart's chassis once and turns it into a pile of party streamers.

Beast from the West II wins by knockout in 1:03.

Elrathia Division (B)

Blood Eagle has a bye

Eudial III vs Tidal Wave 2

The battle starts out as spinner fights tend to, with both bots spinning up to full in preparation for an awesome collision - but Tidal Wave doesn't want to give Eudial a chance! It rockets out of the gates and heads straight for the overhead bar, drum roaring and gyro only just kept under control by the driver, but is it gonna be enough? There's an almighty CRASH that echoes around the arena as the two bots collide, but unfortunately for Tidal Wave, it comes off worse. A lot worse. The tooth on the drum has been almost hacked off by the spinner, and the drum itself seems to be limping a bit. Kody seems content to let TW come to him, though, and doesn't apply much pressure, just staying in the middle of the arena like a bullfighter working the crowd up. It works, and Tidal Wave tries to angle its drum into the bar's path to get another OH THAT'S NOT GOOD! The next hit has smashed up one of the weapon supports on Tidal Wave's left-hand side, and the drum's still limping along but it's not going well. Tidal Wave is once again tossed aside, but once again it comes in on the attack. This time... the same thing happens, but worse. The left-hand side takes the damage now, and the drum, er... falls off. Tidal Wave tries one last dash, but its drivetrain is suffering after the repeated battering it took to get to this point, and Eudial III's bar catches inside one of the weapon mounts - which provides just enough resistance for the whole of Tidal Wave to be thrown across the arena like a frisbee in a really unpleasant dog park. It lands, twitches, belches some LiPo smoke, and dies. A good win for Eudial.

Winner: Eudial III, KO by One Day He Will Need To Try, But It Is Not This Day, 01:29

Storm Worm vs Twin Typhoons

I swear at one point there was a clusterbot from the actual Typhoon team named Twin Typhoons. :V

In any case Storm Worm rolls out and keeps rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' yeah as one of the Typhoons speeds out a little. Unfortunately even with the odd wheel placement slowing it down considerably, it has to contend with a lack of control and can't get out of the way before Storm Worm rolls into it, sliding dutifully underneath. Before the other Typhoon can do so much as spin up even halfway, Storm Worm takes his prize to the arena wall and tries to stack it. He doesn't have the best of luck with this and that Typhoon falls back down, but it's still on the front of Storm Worm so Drew still has control. He has to be wary of the other twin very slowly approaching from behind, now at full speed, so he just plows the part he has trapped into the other wall. He tries to lift and pin it against the wall. And... well shit. It started sliding down the wall, and then stopped. It can't move. Looks like Drew called it. He's on a roll, and so he keeps rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' yeah as the other twin just keeps straight at Storm Worm. Plink! Deflect. It goes flying, and Storm Worm has a very slightly dented fork. No problem. It catches up to that Typhoon, as said cluster tries to get away with its actual speed and is hindered by horrible control. Storm Worm gets under. He goes to the other wall and tries to pin. Doesn't work. Release. Cluster gets away, tries to free its partner but slams into the wall beside him, nearly beaching himself right then and there. But here's Storm Worm to help with that, and "nearly" becomes "completely" as Storm Worm gets the 2nd successful pin and Drew keeps rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' yeah to another win.

Storm Worm wins by a knockout in 1:24, yeah!

Phobos Anomaly vs Tiny Torque

Have you ever seen a bot just repeat a losing strategy again and again until it becomes seriously painful to watch? Well, that's what happens in this one. Tiny Torque is a good brick often let down by uninspired driving. To be fair, it is the product of a rookie team so, hopefully, that'll improve in the future. For now, though, the results are downright ugly.

At the outset, the mighty pipe organ lurking on the balcony comes to life with a spooky rendition of 'They're Going to Get You' from the Doom OST and the Code Red machine tears across the box on a beeline for the Phobos twins, both of which Josh has opted to run as hammers. They split up as they leave their starting square and Tiny Torque tries to scoop both up at once. No dice. They're just a bit too far apart and it ends up getting neither. Cue the music and, by music, I mean the endless smashing and clanging of hammers off the top of Tiny Torque.

Of course, the rookie entrant has a good deal more speed than either of the little pests, and it's able to scoop one up at a time reliably. Unfortunately, with no weapon, its only offense is to push that half of the cluster while the other tees off on it. To make matters worse, there's nothing to stop the wedged half from simply hooking off, which it reliably does. Tiny Torque is juggling a pair of hot potatoes and constantly getting burned.

At the 1:20 mark, one of its wheels gives up the ghost. Shortly thereafter, a ribbon of smoke begins trickling from its increasingly battered chassis. Just before two minutes, the other side of the drivetrain packs it in and the referees count the little brick that couldn't out.

Result: Phobos Anomaly wins by KO (FF) at 2:07

Nick's Fuzzy Rules Division (C)

Shade Fist has a bye

Cuddle Time! vs The Thieving Magpie

Okay neither of y’all picked a song, so you get Night on Bald Mountain.

And as the organ kicks in, the bots are off! Cuddle TIme’s hanging back a little bit, but The Thieving Magpie just charges right in! They slam into each other hard, with Cuddle Time appearing to get under, but the forces of the impact bounces them apart. TMP comes in again, not quite as fast, but gets wedged again, and Cuddle Time brings its clamp down. It starts to lift it up in the air, but it’s really struggling to do so. It faceplants once, then has to very slowly and carefully lift to keep from overbalancing... and TMP fires its flipper.

Who would win? A clamp geared for high speed and with a geared mechanism, or a flipper that’s being grabbed close to the fulcrum where the forces are a lot higher than near the tip? Hint: it’s the flipper. Cuddle Time’s clamp gets forced open, although not enough to make it lose contact. Cuddle Time starts taking TMP toward the Pipe Organ, but another flip jostles it free. It ends up inverted though, and Cuddle Time’s able to pin it on its back for a few sec – never mind, Shaba just waits for the accumulator to refill fully, then fires, simultaneously righting TMP and tossing Cuddle Time on its back. TMP darts away to regroup, giving Cuddle Time a chance to self-right, and they’re back at each other.

Thieving Magpie gets under this time. Cuddle Time starts to back away, but a little bit of it’s still on the flipper. It gets tossed at a pretty low angle, and TMP almost flips itself with the recoil. Cuddle Time ends up on its wheels, and TMP has to retreat while its flipper retracts. It comes in again, but Cuddle Time’s doing a good job with pressing its lifting plate against the floor, and it’s able to spatula its way under Shaba. TMP spins away before Cuddle Time can clamp it, though, and retaliates with a BIG flip. Maybe it’s just the mood of this arena but Gabe has to be thanking a higher power that he’s fighting Thieving Magpie in the one with no OOTAs.

Cuddle Time’s invertible, and runs away, keeping TMP from getting a followup, and...

Wedge Fight? Wedge Fight. After a couple of ineffective exchanges, Cuddle Time manages to grab Magpie on something that isn’t the flipper, and gingerly sets it down on the Pipe Organ. DOINK! TMP’s knocked free of Cuddle Time’s grip and lands on its back with a dent in the baseplate, but self-rights and is off again. A bit later it almost gets CT into a gargoyle, but the hazards aren’t really playing that big a role. Mostly it’s TMP tossing Cuddle Time around, and Cuddle Time, err, doing it’s best to parade TMP around the arena with a somewhat underpowered drivetrain, and we’re all very proud of it.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Cuddle Time 9, The Thieving Magpie 6

Aggression: Cuddle Time 6, The Thieving Magpie 9

Control: Cuddle Time 6, The Thieving Magpie 9

Your winner, by a 24-21 Judges’ Decision, is The Thieving Magpie!

Killjoy II vs Piranha Plant

Neither fighter cued up a track for the organ, so it instead it constantly blares out a disorganized series of what could be called scare chords. It's a wonder the fighters are able to concentrate on driving. Killjoy comes out, but Piranha stays put in his starting area. Makes sense though. I mean who would ever buy the concept of a Piranha Plant as a mobile combatant? How absurd! This also means that Killjoy can't enact his plan of driving past PP as that would mean driving straight into the wall, and I'm going to credit him as not being that stupid. Then again, he seems to have no alternative plan in place so maybe I should rethink that. Honestly, neither of them is giving me much to work with here. Well, PP's defensive approach pays off right away as he can use the turret to keep Killjoy from getting away from his weapon. Still not a lot of actual action going on, as neither bot really gets a clean shot to commit to. Remember the mindless banging away at the organ I mentioned? That's actually me. Furiously pounding away at the keys and stomping the pedals into the floor screaming at them to actually DO something. Eventually, Killjoy is able to use his speed to find an opening and gets in some damage. Of course PP is able to strike back with his own saw so we've got a whole different kind of stalemate going on now. This is more or less how the fight keeps going on, with these actual bits of action being fairly brief as neither wants to be getting sawed by the other for very long.

Aggression: 11-4 Killjoy 3
Damage: 9-6 Piranha Plant
Strategy: 10-5 Piranha Plant

Piranha Plant wins 23-22

Harrowdown Hill vs The Gnasher

From now on, Syl, please remember to declare your configs well beforehand to your opponent before RPing. Thank you.

Anyway, the match starts and we have two spunky control spinners looking to outmaneouvre the other, although when I say that I mean that Jack tries to come headlong at Harrowdown Hill whilst the Syl is really not keen on going head-to-head and would prefer to attack the side and back of The Gnasher. So I guess Syl drives their bot around. While Syl really isn't getting anywhere with this strategy, the angle means that when The Gnasher has the beater pointed at them (which is most of the time), he's just aiming at front corner, which is all highly-armoured wedge. Not looking so great for Jack either. Eventually Jack just gets tired of this perpetual routine and makes an aggressive move towards the circling Harrowdown Hill. Syl is expecting the blow to come on the wedges, but Jack stops his robot almost immediately so there's still a bit of distance between them. So Harrowdown Hill decides to angle against the beater, hoping that the blow is cushioned well by the wedge. Instead, The Gnasher turns and is almost side-on to Harrowdown Hill, with the beater dangeorusly close to the wheel! Goodness! Syl gets the hint and backs their robot out of danger like hell, but The Gnasher starts chasing him down, eager for that weapon-to-weapon hit now that he's got Harrowdown Hill fleeing like a kid screaming when confronted with a vaccination. Or vegetables. Take your pick. Harrowdown Hill can't get enough distance between the two and is dangerously close to reversing into a gargoyle hazard, so he stops and angles his front to where The Gnasher's beater is facing his front corner. Jack moves to go around to the side again but he's too close, and Syl apparently gets what they wanted, which is The Gnasher's beater hitting the front corner. Long story short, the corner holds up vastly greater than Syl expected, but when they try to go around The Gnasher's side, Jack backs his robot up to get the beater back to full speed. Whoops. Jack doesn't go that far back though, as his robot's weapon is back to full speed in a short moment, but Syl's back to the ol' circling tricks.

Jack isn't going to put up with this sort of endeavour for long and makes another aggressive move towards Harrowdown Hill. Syl in turn actually turns towards The Gnasher, expecting him to go off to the sides like he did before, but instead The Gnasher turns the other way and meets Harrowdown Hill head-on! Syl absolutely doesn't want this and as The Gnasher's beater starts mildly grinding against the front teeth on Harrowdown Hill's wedges, the latter backs up yet again. Jack gets the memo and aggressively chases them down. This time, they're even closer together than before and Syl cannot initiate their getaway before The Gnasher meets his opponent directly head-on, with both weapons meeting with a colossal BANG!! Neither robot is sent very far, but The Gnasher seems to get much more bite out of the impact as Jack watches Harrowdown Hill go flying up, nearly over, and then tilt right back down, thankfully for Syl right-side-up and undamaged but still rather shaken. The Gnasher barely budged at all, and with the pair of them settled down again, both robots spin back up as they dance Ye Olde Dance of Positioning yet again. The Gnasher is, as always, spinning on the spot as Harrowdown Hill, more than ever, wants to avoid any and all weapon-to-weapon contact again and is circling Jack's spinner like a shark. Neither robot has experienced a control slip-up so far, so kudos to them. Jack however is weary of the same ol' song and dance and for the third time this match aggressively moves in on Harrowdown Hill, who actually continues to circle, hoping that he can arc in around the beater and even catch The Gnasher's front corners. Unfortunately The Gnasher's slightly greater turning speed wins out and they're face-to-face again. This time The Gnasher moves in before Syl can even think of backing their bot away and we get a somewhat decisive hit that sends both robots away a bit, but an unlucky Harrowdown Hill tilts on its wheels again and unhappily falls onto its back.

Both bots need to get their weapons going again so they do, but now The Gnasher is as aggressive as all-get-out; Harrowdown Hill does NOT want to contend with its opponent while being inverted, but finds there's very little space where he can attempt to self-right. He does it anyway... by an attempted gyrodance. But The Gnasher is getting nearer and nearer... oh. Cool. Harrowdown Hill nearly got the self-right on its own, but the Gnasher managed to catch the front wedge (Jack sighs in exasperation... for a split second), thus using Harrowdown Hill's current gyroed position to catapult it across the Gothiq arena and nearly into the pipe organs, which come down and very narrowly miss Syl's bot. Yoinks! Well Harrowdown Hill's right-side-up again, and startlingly still undamaged save for some paint chipping that Syl will need to address in the pits. Oh dear, what a pity, what a shame. Jack seems much more confident now and The Gnasher is making like a freight train towards Harrowdown Hill, who continues its quest for treasure, aka The Gnasher's sides. Jack cuts him off almost immediately, but just gets front corner and has to back off after the hit to get the beater spun fully up. It's still points, and as we enter the dying stages of the match points are precious. Syl seems to know that too, and now simply tries to come in askew of The Gnasher's front, possibly to hit the beater support wedges ala the purple things. The Gnasher merely turns on a dime and we get another colossal BANG that sees - oh! It seems Harrowdown Hill managed to snag more of The Gnasher's beater this time because he got sent flying as well! Of course the downside to this is that Harrowdown Hill got inverted again, but now it has more of a window to gyro-dance itself over before The Gnasher can get back in to bring this puppy home. Jack guns the motors and manages to strike his opponent, but all he managed to hit were the discs again as Harrowdown Hill landed right-side-up. Harrowdown Hill stays right-side-up after the hit this time, but it's another near thing.

Jack tries to plow his robot forward again for another assault but as he does, there's a BZZZZZZZZ and that's match.

Aggression: 9-6 The Gnasher
Damage: 8-7 The Gnasher
Strategy: 8-7 The Gnasher

The Gnasher wins by a 25-20 judges' decision.


Magnolia Pico Division (A)

Manglerfish has a bye

Jackal vs Harpy

ugh, a face off between 2 bricks in the CBC3's most normal arena, what a fun match to watch, let alone write. i wonder if anybody whould mind if...

Both come out fast, Harpy tries to angle-in but fails to do so. Thus Jackal gets under and clamps down, push her towards a organ, CLASSICAL MUSIC INTENSIFIES. Shaba escapes thanks to the hit, both robots run around the arena trying to control each other for some times until the read the first sentence again.

Harpy escapes again and gets under Jackal's wedge, pushes it around and then goes for the Gargoyle, Jackal escapes but Harpy pins it down before it can do anything. Pin timer runs out, Alex V runs away, both bots spend the next 30 seconds running around trying to properly wedge the other with no success until Harpy manages to flank.

A few seconds latter Jackal escapes the pin and procedes to pin it's own opponent. after the pin, Harpy out maneuvers Jackal and pushes it into the other Gargoyle. Jackal then gets out, wins the wedge encounter and clamps Harpy. Somehow Shaba escapes, pushes Jackal to the organ and the fight is over in one last horrible note.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Jackal 8, Harpy 7
Aggression: Jackal 6, Harpy 9
Control: Jackal 8, Harpy 7

Your winner, by a 23-22 Judges’ Decision, is Harpy

Carbonemys vs Vortex 3

Ride of the Valkyries begins blaring from the organ. A spontaneous YES! YES! YES! chant begins. It's time for the fight! Hey, look at that: the clown that wants to FF people for not posting bot info in RP threads has stats, but no pictures in his thread, so I have to open the sign-up page in a new tab anyway! Wait, what's this? I get 2 Noisey fights where he basically has zero alternative strategies to cope with a situation his opponent has zero intention of indulging in? Why are you doing this to me man? Well luckily Alex now all the time in the world to hunker down in a corner because Noisey has Vortex just sitting around dumbfounded that a slower, less maneuverable bot doesn't want to meet him in the middle of the arena. What to do? I guess there's not much else for it but for Vortex to meander over to Carbonemys' corner and see if he can avoid the weapon. The long and short of it is that he really can't in this situation. The positive takeaway is that he "deflects" the first shot with his own weapon, but that doesn't help long term. The turtling hammerbot lands a better shot not too long after that. A couple good blows from the hammer put an end to this fight.

Carbonemys wins by KO in 1:07

Lethal Carriageway Mk. 3 vs JEVIL

>enter jevil bot
>organ plays asgore music

Match starts, both bots do match-starting things. Lethal Carriageway mk. III (whose stupidly long name I will be referring to as just "Bill" from here on forth) tries to rush down Jevil. Lol nope. Speeds right between the big plastic wheels and crashes into a wall. Jevil takes advantage of this and thwacks Bill a few times. Lol nope. 5 weapon power has -7 damage on Bill's 12 armor. Despite Jevil's namesake being a wacky crazy jester that bounces around and turns into the Devilsknife (basically a giant goddamn scythe), it sure is lacking a means to cause chaos...

Yeah. This is one of THOSE matches so I'll keep this brief. Bill has trouble really getting a grasp on Jevil due to the latter's suspended chassis, speed, and generally not having a whole ton of corners to grab onto. There's a couple times where Bill gets to the side of Jevil's wheels and pushes, but nothing really comes out of it besides Jevil being shoved a few feet. Spoiler alert: the gargoyles go off exactly 0 times during the course of the fight. Even if they did, it wouldn't have done any significant damahe to either of the bots. Bill decides to go for the pacifist route and runs out the clock.

Judge's decision:
DMG - fuck off tbh
AGG - 8-7 Jevil
CTL - 11-4, Bill
Bill wins by JD, 18-12.

Frogbot 2000 Division (B)

Neophyte Redglare has a bye

Scion vs Dragonfist

“Light My Fire” starts up on the organ, and both bots react like it’s a starting pistol. Dragonfist lurches out of its starting square, the shell starting to spin, and the flails quickly whip out to its sides. Scion comes screaming across the arena, though: it only takes it about two seconds to reach Dragonfist, at which point it turns and stuffs its wedge into the flails’ arc. They hit fairly hard, but Scion keeps pushing in, and gets Dragonfist’s shell stopped! It takes it into the corner and slams it into the wall so hard it almost flips it over.

After fifteen seconds Scion has to release the pin, but Dragonfist’s barely able to get out of the corner before Scion shoves it back in again... and again... and it’s almost a minute into the fight before it finally gets out of the corner. It veers first left, then right, dodging an attack and then catching Scion with a glancing blow to the side of the wedge, although it still doesn’t appear to have done much. The shell finally is at a dangerous speed though, and Scion’s a little more tentative about approaching the Instant Death Radius. It circles back and forth a bit, lining itself up, then charges in at an angle, catching the flails on the sturdier center of the wedge. Sparks fly, and the noise is like a thunderbolt from the heavens, but the wedge appears to have held up! Dragonfist gets popped up in the air and coins a bit, but this knocks it away. Scion rushes in to chase it down, but DF runs off sideways and smacks it on the side of the wedge as it does so. And that hit has actually bent the side plate inward a bit.

Dragonfist isn’t at full speed, but it is spinning, and it is still basically under control. Scion comes in again though and now the shell’s at a near stop, and trying to spin up again sends the chassis spinning around. Scion gets it stopped and slams it against the wall, but at an angle which bounces it away again. It retreats, spinning back up, but isn’t able to reach full speed before it gets rammed again, and it becomes a game of DF trying to play keepaway.

Finally after a few more glancing hits Dragonfist gets up to speed, though. Scion, again, angles itself so the flails hit the middle of the wedge – but it’s a massive impact this time! The top part of the wedge has a gap in the very middle for the thwacking tail to go through, and it looks like the flails may have caught that, because the left side of the red top piece is now crumpled and curled back. Dragonfist gets knocked away, but fairly weakly, and it’s still spinning pretty quickly. Scion rams it again and sends it coining across the arena, and... ouch, that gargoyle’s gonna need hand surgery after getting clipped by a flail, but again Dragonfist has kept its momentum!

Again, Scion approaches cautiously once its opponent’s at full speed, and turns into DF’s spin direction – but each time it’s tried this, Dragonfist has been trying to juke in a diagonal direction, and this time it actually pulls it off! Scion’s right-hand side shields get obliterated. Dragonfist is knocked off-balance, its lower teeth raising clouds of concrete dust from the floor, as it coins, and – oh, that’s a full Mauler Dance! Over it goes! But Scion isn’t moving freely! It’s spinning around in circles, and it looks like its plow’s mounts are now seriously bent sideways. Is that left wheel still moving?

After flailing (ha ha) around on its back for a few seconds, Dragonfist gets back onto its, err, chain. A flail’s now caught under the chassis, but spinning the chassis around madly jostles it free. And Scion isn’t able to capitalize on its weakness. It’s still translating across the floor, but it’s spinning around as it does so. It has to be very careful to avoid exposing its sides or rear to DF’s flails. Dragonfist, for its part, takes its time spinning up, and carefully maneuvers, trying to get an opening. There’s a couple blows, and it scrapes and rattles against Scion’s wedge, then contacts the gap in the middle of the top portion again. That’s another solid blow, and it looks like that part of the wedge is close to coming off as well.

There’s thirty seconds left now. Dragonfist could still be in danger if it can’t get the KO, because it was getting bodied hard for the first half of the match. Rocket just goes “fuck it” and charges straight into Scion. Another set of big hits, and this time it catches the already-trashed right edge of the wedge. Fifteen seconds left and it tries again. The flails gouge up Scion’s wedge as Dragonfist approaches, but then one makes solid contact, spinning the bot around... and there’s wheel debris on the arena floor! Part of the right wheel is still attached to the bot and Scion is very weakly hobbling around, but only barely. That might be a count-out if there’s time left, but there isn’t! Will that be enough to get Dragonfist the win, or will Scion’s early dominance save it?

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Dragonfist 15, Scion 0
Aggression: Dragonfist 4, Scion 11
Control: Dragonfist 5, Scion 10

Your winner, by a 24-21 split decision, is... Dragonfist!

I Suck at Names vs Marksman

Both bots come out of their starting squares, ISAN spinning up as Marksman moves for their corner. Surprisingly enough, they actually get around, managing to tuck the snout of the flipper under and popping ISAN over onto its side, the blade barely dodging the concrete. The arm begins slowly tipping the bot back onto its wheels, but Marksman is ready for a second strike, lobbing ISAN clean into the air this time, landing with a wobble on its tracks. YSMQ doesn't let the chance go to waste, managing to pivot enough to rip up part of Marksman's front wedge, but Marksman keeps on trucking, throwing ISAN once more, it landing on its back this time. YSMQ selfrights their bot once more, going back on the offensive, the two bots locking horns and pushing one another. ISAN manages to get under this time, giving Marksman a taste of its own medicine, throwing it head over heels with its blade. Marksman selfrights, only to take a second, broadside strike as ISAN uses the time to position itself better, rolling it over again with a nasty gash in the side, an eruption of gas spewing from the red machine. Gulden attempts to selfright, only barely able to do so, spewing out the last of its useful gas as it rights itself, getting back in the action. The two bots dance once more, ISAN managing to barely clip the side of Marksman, tossing it over once more. Gulden's only able to squeeze a few sit-ups out of their machine, failing to self-right before it gets counted out.

I Suck At Names wins by KO in 2:20!

Jawsome vs Psychosis

What is Psychosis? A miserable little pile of scrap. But enough talk...

The buzzer sounds (Well, we call it a buzzer, it's more the organist having a fit before they begin blaring Bloody Tears out), as Psychosis takes the quicker approach out, both bots dancing around one another. Psychosis is the first to get advantage, getting its forks under and tipping them up. As they push, Jawsome manages to slip off of the short prongs, immediately pushing back and leaving the two bots sort of hooked on one another. A bit more jostling and aggressive back and forth across the arena, before Jawsome manages to slip under Psychosis's front, bringing down its top to smother the hypno-patterned bot, riding it into the wall, under the gargoyle. THOK! The statue drops, plunging clean through Psychosis' armour, though Jawsome's shell's grip stops it from getting fully lifted on the return swing. Psychosis gets free again, driving away for a bit before going back into the fray, both bots chasing one another around the ring. Jawsome gets under a second time at around the halfway point of the match, sticking them under the organist's spike and PAAAAAAAAAAAARP! Both roboteers can't help but cringe, both from the awful sound and the skewer striking deep into Psychosis' chassis, causing a plume of LiPo smoke to erupt from it. Despite this, Psychosis manages to get free, keeping moving despite spewing toxic smoke, continuing its little tussle until Jawsome catches the deteriorating robot for a third time, slamming it back under the arena spike for another strike. This time, it seems it's a kill-shot, since Psychosis has stopped moving. The fire team is in the ring as soon as the counter finishes, to get Psychosis coffined and the arena cleared of smog for the next match. As atmospheric as it is, toxic fumes are not a suitable robot fighting condition.

Jawsome wins by KO in 2:02!

Black Dog Division (C)

Diablo Genesis has a bye

NKC vs Chronic Jobber

The battle... iiiis half an hour late. Eventually Dylan shows up, looking dog-tired and with a machine still sporting some holes in the chassis from its encounter with newbie competitor Axe N' Kill. After a stern talking-to by the referee, which the gently swaying Dylan might even have understood through the haze of evident sleep deprivation, we're able to kick off. Jobber's set-up means a higher point of contact with the wedgelets as NKC comes roaring in to face off against it, and the sawbot takes an enormous blow to its wedge that carves an enormous gash into the left-hand side fork. The wedge still holds, though, and NKC and Jobber are both thrown clear by the impact, the spinner flopping around for a moment before stabilizing. NKC comes back on another charge, and this time it's forced to meet Jobber head-on and take another huge blow to the wedge. That left fork has a full-on hole in it now, and the metal has been peeled back; maybe that's how Jobber's disc is somehow still spinning as the sawbot tries to ram it into the wall. When it does, the jolt forces Jobber forward to dole out another big hit onto the front plate of NKC's plough, leaving a big dent, and Jobber's momentum flings it out of the pin at a weird angle. NKC goes for the reset but Jobber backs far enough away to get up to speed before counterpunching with the spinner. This time it catches the edge of the plough and OH! OH my goodness! Half the wedge on NKC has just been torn away from its mounting points and bent at an angle! NKC's drive is looking shakier too, and Jobber recovers quickly enough to deliver a crunching hit to the chassis and end the fight.

Winner: Chronic Jobber, KO by Mangling, 02:12

Harbinger vs Axe 'n Kill

While preparing their bots inside the arena, Billy can be seen quite nervous while, in contrast, Dr. Robuttnik NWOWWE has a god-like confident face.

Anyways, the buzzer signals the start of the match and Axe 'n kill comes out carefully while Harbinger comes out at it's normal speed (FAST AF). Immediately after Harby tries and fails to dodge the axe, but it doesn't seem to affect him much as he just drives to AnK side and pushes it from there, towards The Pipe Organ, or one of them, or under one of them, you get the idea.

After meeting Mr. big ass pneumatic spike #1, AnK manages to breathe and hit Harby's top panel again before going back to getting pushed around, and around, and meeting Mr. big ass pneumatic spike #2, and pushed around the arena. At some point it manages to escape and hits Harby on its wedge, nice shot there.

Do you know what happens after that? yup, Harby pushed AnK around the arena some more. It's bent wedge still got under AnK but this time his top panel is still in the axe's drop zone so it gets hit by it a few times but those hits don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Then NWOWWE decides to engage holy twackaroly mode to push it's opponent back and then procedes to go towards it's side, avoiding the axe. Harby decides to go for the Gargoyle. Fast forward to when they get there, The Gargoyle drops down on AnK and then uses it's magnets to bring AnK up with it. Eventually AnK drops down, and not only the lucky bastard fell the right way up, it got an opportunity to escape and hit Harby's wedge. Josh just got betrayed by a statue.

After that the 40-ish seconds remaining was Harbinger pushing Axe 'n Kill around the arena from the side with the reminder of it's wedge and the only eventful thing that happened during that time was AnK getting hit again by Mr. big ass pneumatic spike #1.

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Harbinger 6, Axe 'n kill 9
Aggression: Harbinger 9, Axe 'n kill 6
Control: Harbinger 12, Axe 'n kill 3

Your winner, by a 27-18 Judges’ Decision, is Harbinger!

Pizza that Eats You vs Super Youkai Warhead

I'd love to say great things about this fight. I'd love to describe the scintillating action and myriad twists of a thrilling, back-and-forth brawl. Unfortunately, I can't, since Pizza That Eat's You's weapon dies after two hits, taking Super Youkai Warhead's little saw with it. Instead, we get another two minutes of a brick pushing a busted spinner around an arena and showing little interest in the hazards to boot. I guess there are a few nice wall slams? For reasons unknown, the pizza's drivetrain gives up the ghost as well at roughly the 2:30 mark, and it's counted out.

Result: Super Youkai Warhead wins by KO (FF) at 2:42

Mastodon... Extinction (HW)
Osiris... Armageddon! (MW)
Elrathia... ROBOTS (LW)
Magnolia Pico... Ruination 4 (MW)
RipTide... ROBOT2 (FW)

The Monsterworks: 149 - 43 (.776) ...Probably up to no good.
The Cherry Bomb Classic III: 7-0Show
Carbonemys: 3-0
Black Diamond: 2-0
I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!: 2-0

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The Monsterworks
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Re: The Cherry Bomb Classic III: Fight Cards, Brackets, and Writing Assignments

Post by The Monsterworks » Sun Mar 10, 2019 12:00 am

Not every monument lasts forever. While some remained treasured, others lie forgotten, but they are no less magnificent in decay as they were in splendour. Welcome to the third round of our Heavyweight and Superheavyweight bracket. Welcome to Buzludzha. Our forty-two valiant mechanical warriors will be doing battle in the arena we've set up inside this abandoned Communist-era monument. While you're busy snapping pictures, admiring the graffiti, and posing beside faded portraits of Lenin, make sure you check out the place's features. We've provided a handy listing below.


Buzludzha by Floating Castle Robotics on Sketchfab

Name: Buzludzha

Location: Kran, Bulgaria

Layout: Circle Squared off on one end

Size: 80 ft diameter (upper half), 40 ft x 80 ft (lower half) - 5713 square feet

Intended Use: MW-SHW Singles and Doubles, Rumbles up to 12 bots

Theme: Semi-abandoned Communist-era monument

Floor Materials: Steel

House Robots: This arena sometimes features two house robots which patrol the caution-striped zones at the ends of the arena. However, they will not be active for CBC3.

Hazards and Features:
  • Lenin's Hammers (5) - These are heavy metal hammers mounted in the corners and at three points along the curved northern wall. They fire when robots pass into their strike zones (marked in yellow and black caution paint), dealing moderate damage.
  • Stalin's Sickle (1) - taking up a massive amount of space in the middle of the arena, this enormous and very heavy but relatively slow-spinning flywheel is primarily designed to get a great deal of bite and fling robots that run into it into the furthest corners of the arena. However, it's still capable of dealing moderate to heavy damage.
  • The Gulag (1) - Located in the center at the southern end of the arena, The Gulag is a yawning pit with a short, two foot sloped wall surrounding it. It effectively acts as the arena's OOTA zone. Whenever a robot falls in, Roll Tide from the movie Crimson Tide will play as a final show of respect.
Achievement: Champion of the Proletariat - win a fight by decision while losing two of the categories.

The Fight Card

Below are the week's fights. RPs will be due on Saturday, March 16, at 11:59 PM EST. The RP limit is 400 words and will be strictly enforced. Please include the stats of each bot fighting in your post, as it helps the writers, and remember to inform your opponent of configuration choices.





Richter Division (A)

Perdito has a bye

Meta Ridley vs Compound Fracture

Ah, a classic. Spinner versus brick. CF starts out quicker, managing to arc between the sickles and Gulag before NWOWWE has much time to react, getting spun away by the spinner but slowing it enough for CF to recover and get Meta Ridley bulldozed into the wall before more damage is dealt. The rush into the wall managed to flip Ridley upside down, and it barely manages to escape for a moment, starting to spin up before getting scooped and tucked into the far wall, taking a battering from the hammer. This sort of repeats for a while, with Ridley getting bullied around and not getting up to speed, until around halfway through the match, CF actually slips up, taking a hook from the sickles, getting pulled across the arena. Ridley takes the chance, getting up to speed, before colliding again. CF is able to spin enough to no-sell the attempt once more, sticking Ridley in the wall with another shove, the hammer smacking away again. More aggressive play from CF perpetuates the match, ending with an attempt at sticking Ridley on its side by the wall as the final buzzer goes.

Damage: 9-6 Meta Ridley
Aggression: 11-4 Compound Fracture
Control: 9-6 Compound Fracture

Your winner, in a 26-19 decision, is Compound Fracture!

Trashman vs Shadow Mk 5

Both bots move out of the square. The trashcans move over to their own little corner, doing a small dance of sorts together. Meanwhile, the two main bots collide, Shadow trying and failing to get around, Trashman quickly scooping up Shadow fairly quickly, Shadow's drum bouncing up off of the plow armor as it's bulldozed into the corner, spinning its wheels in an attempt to climb up and over Trashman all the way. The trashcan's dance seems to have evolved into a duel of sorts, both ramming into one another and pushing eachother around. Meanwhile, Shadow finally gets enough purchase to hop off of the plow, spinning to strike Trashman's rear, but V900's attempt to spin turns it into a strike on the side panel covering the treads, putting a hefty welt in it. Trashman gets moving once more to scoop up Shadow, this time deploying the top gripper to hold the black bot in place. Meanwhile, the trashcans' duel gets a little too close to Stalin's Sickles, one getting snagged by the hook and pulled into a 360 around the arena, eventually launching off in at least four distinguishable parts. Remoseful, the other trashcan skulks off back to the starting square. Meanwhile, Trashman hauls ass and drops Shadow into the Gulag, to begin the appropriate music for the loss of such a wonderful minibot.

Trashman wins by KO in 0:55!

Long Arm of the Law vs Bass Drop II

Long Arm of the Law almost seems to be moving before the buzzer starts, it accelerates so fast, and Bass Drop looks sluggish in comparison. Before the two bots meet, Long Arm spins around and tries to reverse into the path of the hammer, attempting to catch the blow from the hammer drum, and this... doesn't work even a little bit. Bass Drop's hammer is powerful enough to throw sparks off the tank-themed machine, but sparks are all the damage it can do and both teams know it. The power of the hammer lifts BD up and Long Arm reverses underneath it, driving backwards and managing to shove the hammerbot into the path of one of Lenin's Hammers, dealing a few hefty blows to the top of Bass Drop as Long Arm pins it in place. Once the referees force a separation, both bots reset, and this time LA faces front. It charges down the bonked hammerbot and manages to get underneath it, despite its own hinged wedge plates riding up on that of the hammerbot. With BD unable to escape, LA elects to feed it to the Sickles, with predictably crunchy results. Despite having tough armour, the side panel on BD buckles from the hit. The rest of the fight is more of this. Cease eventually gets called and the judges are called in to investigate.

Aggression: Long Arm of the Law 8 - 7 Bass Drop II
Damage: Long Arm of the Law 9 - 6 Bass Drop II
Control: Long Arm of the Law 12 - 3 Bass Drop II

Winner: Long Arm of the Law, 29-16 JD

Wedgelord Division (B)

Chimera has a bye

Hellfire vs Dreadnought Mk.4

We’ve got a battle of two flippers that couldn’t be more opposite coming up! It’s low-pressure vs. High-pressure, front-hinged vs. Rear-hinged, boring black paint job vs. Eye-bleeding-inducing horror, English vs. Scottish!

Anyway, the bots are off, and Hellfire takes a position between the wall of the Gulag and the central sickle. Dreadnought circles and starts harassing it, trying to draw it away, but Hellfire isn’t taking the bait, so Dreadnought decides to just bite the bullet and attack. It actually gets underneath Hellfire’s tongue. Hellfire backs off before Dreadnought can get enough bite to flip, but it slides under again and uses the flipper more aggressively. It’s still not great purchase though, and Hellfire skids backwards but isn’t overturned. It backs off while its flipper retracts, and now Hellfire, err, gets its tongue in the right place (wow, that line’s twenty years old!)

Dreadnought starts to J-turn away from Hellfire’s flipper, but it fires before it can escape! The British machine flies about four feet in the air and does a 540-degree backflip. It skids off on its lid, but the moment it stops it vaults into the air and darts away before Hellfire can close that great, yawning mouth.

The bots keep circling each other, Dreadnought kind of nagging and harassing Hellfire until it slips past the tongue and gets under it. It’s Hellfire’s turn to spin away now. It gets under Dreadnought, but Dreadnought’s too quick for it this time and it misses the flip, nearly throwing itself over in the process! That’s Dreadnought’s cue to take advantage of the distraction, and it’s able to work itself underneath Hellfire’s corner again, then turns and pushes it sideways, flipping it straight into Stalin’s Sickle!

Hellfire doesn’t appear to really be damage, but it gets punted across the arena on its back, and importantly, sent away from the Gulag. Dreadnought gives chase, but isn’t fast enough to stop Hellfire from self-righting. It goes after Dreadnought this time, but Dreadnought wedges it again and turns it on its back. Hellfire flips itself again, but lands on top of Dreadnought and topples onto its side, then its back as the flipper retracts. Another attempt puts it back on its wheels, and it gets away before Dreadnought can flip it.

Hellfire makes it back to the general area of the Gulag despite Dreadnought trying to block it. After a bit more jockeying for position, Hellfire slides straight under Dreadnought and gets a huge flip! The wedgebot tumbles through the air, but comes down on its wheels. Dreadnought slides under it as the tongue lowers, but again can’t get the bite for a flip. But a few seconds later, Hellfire suddenly stops moving! It twitches back and forth, and fires its flipper, knocking itself free of a bit of damaged floor which we can probably blame one of the horizontal spinners for. But it’s turned itself over with that move, and Dreadnought’s quick to take advantage, shoving it towards the Gulag. Hellfire self-rights, and nearly bounces over again, but spins away. It very briefly gets under Dreadnought but isn’t in position to send it towards the Gulag, and Dreadnought’s away again.

More spinning and jostling, and there’s another flip by Hellfire! Dreadnought lands on its back! It immediately self-rights, landing on the still-retracting flipper of Hellfire, and is high- centered long enough to be pushed towards the OOTA area and thrown high into the air! Oof, that was close! It comes down upright with its front wedge scraping against the sloped wall near the corner. It hightails it out of there, but Hellfire is definitely being more aggressive now, and they end up in the striped area by Hellfire’s starting square.

Hellfire gets stuck on another floor seam like a tank on a Russian road, and again that’s a free flip for Dreadnought. It self-rights, but before it can turn around Dreadnought slips under its side skirt. Hellfire doesn’t seem to be able to get away from that, and Dreadnought starts carefully turning it to line it up for a charge. Hellfire fires its flipper to knock itself free, and again nearly inverts itself. It gets away, but only for a few seconds before Dreadnought scoops it up again and drives it towards the low wall. It flips, and misses, but Hellfire’s upside-down now. Dreadnought blocks its self-righting with its still-raised flipper. Hellfire tries again, but its opponent’s waiting for it. There’s the wedge, the drive – and Hellfire gets slammed into the top of the sloped wall and topples over like that one video of a cat trying to jump over a baby gate!

Your winner, by OOTA in 1:47, is Dreadnought Mk.4!

Tabor Mk 3 vs Something Something Clusterbot

битва роботов битва!

The match starts off in an obnoxiously hectic manner, with SSM zipping about in multiple ("multiple" as in "exactly two") directions while Tabor's spinning both it's chassis and turret around just to contend. After several instances of near-misses with the Tabor's plow (accompanied by miscellaneous dents and bruises being formed in SSM), one of them eventually manages to juuust squeak by Tabor's plow. On cue, the front crumples right in. You ever see one of those highway crashes where the cars are all gnarled and FUBAR? Yeah. That. SSM's whole 1 (one) armored chassis didn't hold up very well when ramming right into Tabor (otherwise known as "that fat brick with the McDonalds-ass color scheme") so many times.

The multibot's still working, the wheels are still spinning... but... just look at it. Bashed and shattered bits of plastic scatter the arena floor, some poor janitor's gonna get his feet impaled on those sharp bits later. Not my problem, though!

A few tussles later, and one of the multibots Gives Up The Ghost[tm], burps out a huff of smoke and stops moving. The same eventually happens to the other half of the multibot, though it at least gets under Tabor a couple of times and shoves it a few feet before being ousted away by Tabor's girthy plow. Rocket hits a fat dab before shoving one of the multibots into the sickle-spinner.

Tabor wins by KO (read: not killing itself) in 2:26.

Golden Blaze vs Pendulum II

This match starts ugly. Pendulum comes out of its starting square, all vim and vigor, and immediately eats a massive shot that cleanly amputates one half of its plow. Golden Blaze in in its element here, finally having the chance to showcase its potential as a bot, and it's making the most of the opportunity. Pendulum's next hammer swing is right on the money, though... which is unfortunate for it, since Golden Blaze eats that too.

Both bots recoil away and Pendulum is immediately back for more, trying desperately to smother the ferocious French spinner as it gets up to speed. No dice. A menacing death hum echoes through the hallowed halls of Buzludzha and the other half of Pendulum's wedge is shorn free and tossed across the arena like so much scrap metal. For its part, Golden Blaze recoils right into Stalin's Sickle - OUCH! - and is flung a good four to five meters away. But it's still spinning...

TBR resigns himself to a final charge in the very faint hope that something will go wrong with his bot's monster of an opponent. And guess what, ladies and gents? Sometimes those Hollywood storylines come true. Sometimes you just get that lucky. Golden Blaze is spinning like a tornado, but it isn't moving. Bastien curses under his breath, shrugs, and puts down his controller. That hit from Stalin's Sickle must've knocked something loose inside. Man... what a way to lose a match that everyone believed he pretty much just had to show up for to win.

Result: Pendulum II wins by KO (FF) at 1:23

Broken Ghost Division (C)

Coup de Grâce IV has a bye

Death Metal vs Black Diamond

Death Metal immediately starts spinning up, but gets spun around almost in reverse from the force of its own weapon! Its tires skid as it forces itself back on course and makes a run for it to get out of the starting areas. But Black Diamond’s putting that incredible speed to good use, cutting it as close to the Gulag as possible in a curving box rush. Its wheel comes just inches from using the sloped wall like a Jersey Barrier. Death Metal almost gets past it, but Black Diamond changes course and tries to cut off its escape. DM tries to veer off to the side, but still gets rammed. It’s a fairly light hit, but Death Metal gets knocked back towards the far wall. It almost hits it, but regains traction as Black Diamond charges after it and accelerates away into the larger semicircular area.

Black Diamond stays on the attack, but this time DM’s ready for it, and they meet in a big hit that spins BD around backwards. Unfortunately the same hit also launches Death Metal in the air. Its weapon smacks the ground hard, and after a bounce comes to a near stop. This time Black Diamond’s able to capitalize, and gets a big flip in, almost overturning itself in the process. Death Metal hits the floor again, and Black Diamond gets under it and slams it into the arena wall. It’s got Death Metal pinned, but just chooses to go for another flip even if it’s got no shot at an OOTA.

Death Metal runs off and jukes enough to get, if not all the way to full speed, at least to pretty scary speed. But BD again takes the hit very well, and knocks Death Metal into – err, Stalin’s Sickle? Well, it knocked it in blade-first, and the hit knocked DM in the opposite direction you’d expect, but DM’s in a dangerous position still. It retreats, sort of trying to hide behind the sickle.

There’s a couple of holes and small gashes in Black Diamond’s wedge, but it’s holding up okay so far, and for the next couple of blows as it manages to force Death Metal towards the starting boxes and the Gulag. However, on the next hit both bots steer slightly in the wrong direction, and Death Metal catches an edge on the flipper. Holy Titanium, Batman! Both bots get sent pirouetting away in an explosion of white sparks. Death Metal rises onto its side, its weapon sending more sparks off the floor. Black Diamond’s flipper has a serious gash where the middle and side piece of the wedge intersect, but it’s still working! It waits for Death Metal to come down and gets under its side. Danielle tries to swing that huge weapon around, but Black Diamond fires the flipper first. There’s some more airtime for DM, and it ends up inverted.

Now though, will this turn the tables? Is Death Metal’s bar now high enough to slice off BD’s hammer blocker? No, doesn’t look like it, but it does get a couple more solid hits. Black Diamond’s flipper is starting to look kind of beat up now. It charges in again though, and sends Death Metal spinning towards the Gulag. It slams into the wall blade-first, and ouch! That’s a huge hit! And the sloped wall panel comes off!

Both robots stop actively fighting after that, just meandering around while Death Metal’s bar slowly coasts to a stop. That’s wrong, keep fighting, the wall’s just separating the pit from the arena, it’s not threatening containment in any way. Keep fighting! There we go, Death Metal starts spinning up, but gets wedged and flipped again. It ends up back in the sort of lobe thing where it started, and gets pinned agai – no, Black Diamond again opts for the flip! And Death Metal gets away again!

The match ends up going the distance, with Black Diamond getting another close call on Gulag-ing Death Metal and getting it into Stalin’s Sickle for a hit that leaves DM’s right wheel wobbling and trailing foam. The flipper is still working, but the wedge is really beat-up now, and at some points it has trouble even getting underneath Death Metal, although BD’s speed and power still let it bully the spinner around.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Death Metal 10, Black Diamond 5

Aggression: Death Metal 4, Black Diamond 11

Control: Death Metal 5, Black Diamond 10

Your winner, by a 26-19 Judges’ Decision, is... Black Diamond!

Petaflare vs Terminating Cutter Gen III

It looks like Billy went for the Horizontal spinner.

The fight starts with Petaflare coming out fast while TCG3 tries to make some time to spin up. Termy goes for a side attack but Tri was ready for this and just turns in place, then charges at it's opponent, Tanking a hit with no problem while Termy gets thrown some distance while spinning. Tri takes this opportunity to wedge his opponent from behind and brings the crusher down AND pins it against a wall. Eventually Petaflare has to let go and Billy's bot escapes with a new hole but it seems fully functional.

Then a short chase begins and the spinner manages to spin up and them Billy does an 180, charging straight at Petaflare. TCG3 hits Petaflare's wedge and actually rides it up, getting a solid hit on the crusher. Then Termy runs away to spin up and repeats this, twice. But after that hits he finds himself against a wall so nuke birb easily wedges and pins it. Naturally he also brings the crushy claw down and now there we have lot of sparks. Oh we also have smoke.

After this one of the wheels from Team Eagle's entry is dead, so the bot is limping around in one wheel while spinning up, until tri comes again a few seconds later. Termy bounces of the Nucular Heat Visor and then gets pinned again. A new hole later Petaflare has to let go and the spinny bot spins up a bit and goes for a hit while the other one charges at it again. Billy's bot somehow rides up the wedge and hits the crusher, but doesn't break it. Also it gets pinned again, thus it gets yet another hole.

Noticed a pattern yet? well, this keeps going on for quite some time until Team Eagle's entry stops moving. And naturally starts to get counted down, weapon somehow still running, Swiss cheese-like top panel, getting showered with sparks coming out of Nuke Birb's 64 spark cannons.

Your winner, by KO in 2:15, is Petaflare!

Spitfire vs Necroblade

What happens in this fight? Well, we're just gonna do a summary here: the spinner wins, for once. Yay, control spinners! It's a dazzling display of aggressive driving from the Team Ignition machine, avoiding being smothered and continuing to dish out incremental punishment until, surprisingly, Spitfire just stops, dead in its tracks, shortly after the halfway point of the match. Riley puts down his controller and shrugs and post-match inspection reveals a removable link popped out and lying on the arena floor.

Result: Necroblade wins by KO (FF) at 1:49


YOU DIED Division (A)

Shellshock has a bye

Dysprosinator vs Starfish Prime

The fight starts with Dyspro coming out fast and trying to flank Starfish Prime, And he actually does it without any problem. Then he starts to bring down the lifter as a makeshift clamp and wait HFL planed this and he actually used this time to fully spin up and now he easily turns around and hits it's opponent hard.

Both bots get thrown away but TBR is quick to attack before SP can do much and goes for the same move but this time he gets the clamp going on and claims proper control over Team Instant Regret's machine and drives it weapon first into Stalin's Sickle. That's a big hit for sure, but no visible damage so far.

And then TBR goes for the same move. Heck, lets make this shorter, shall we? TBR doesn't really have a plan B of sorts so he keeps doing the flanking + clamping thing. Sometimes it works and you get the previous paragraph and more often than not he fails to do so (mainly because HFL noticed the strat) and you get the first paragraph again.

Fast forward until the buzzer buzzes.

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Dysprosinator 5, Starfish Prime 10
Aggression: Dysprosinator 8, Starfish Prime 7
Control: Dysprosinator 8, Starfish Prime 7

Your winner, by a 24-21 Judges’ Decision, is Starfish Prime!

Triple 6 vs TAT

The match starts with the spinner spinning up and the flipper surging out of its starting area. Both know that an OOTA is eminently possible in an arena like this. Dare I say that both are gunning for one. They meet a little ways from the Gulag and Triple 6 does some aggressive angling in. Forced to turn to keep up, TAT wheel lifts pretty severely and it's an opening for the Team Stealth machine!

It's a flip! A massive flip, aided by TAT's own drum hitting Triple 6's flipper. The English entrant somersaults through the air, bounces off the lip of the Gulag, and plunges straight in. DAMN, what a flip. You don't see something like that often. Just as quickly as this match began, it's over.

Result: Triple 6 wins by OOTA (FF) in 0:24

Black Mamba vs Maurdread

Up next, we have another England vs France matchup. The English pulled out possibly the luckiest win in the history of CBC the last time around, but Alex Valentine is hoping that they won't need any this match. The match begins, and the noise, even inside a positively cavernous arena like this one, is deafening. To paraphrase another commentator, Maurdread sounds like a lawnmower on bath salts. This doesn't scare the opposing driver, however, who is nothing if not aggressive, pragmatic, strategic, and proactive. He's mostly just aggressive, this match, though.

Black Mamba creates a slight angle, presses its wedge, and takes advantage of a bit of wheel lift by its opponent. And, we have a lift. No, make that a flip. Maurdread skitters across the floor on its drum and smacks into a wall, amazingly popping itself back over, but Black Mamba is already there to pin it and waste some time and... what's this? The arena's gotten a lot quieter. I think, somehow, Maurdread's weapon engine has stalled. It really shouldn't It has the setup necessary to run inverted. Upon release, the spinner quickly uses the remaining bit of power left in its clutch to self-right, but it has no room for error now, and no weapon.

Well, it's all a rather toothless display from Maurdread now, and Black Mamba decides to play with its food, bringing the Team Obscure machine to Stalin's Sickle, a couple of Lenin's Hammers and, eventually, the Gulag. Welp, Alex has been ever so good a tour guide, but he can't quite complete the grand tour here, so he settles for just tipping Maurdread over and letting the referees count it out.

Result: Black Mamba wins by KO (FF) at 2:41

Tax Cutter Division (B)

Phantasmic Slammer has a bye

Hartmann's Youkai Bot vs Cruelty

The battle kicks off with both drivers taking a more measured approach, pacing around each other like lions in the mating season. HYB's disc is whirring away at full speed, and Tri's doing a good job of keeping the bot pointed at Cruelty when the inevitable charge comes in. It's a nasty hit, too; the undercutting disc bends one of the forks round and sends both bots spinning away, with HYB dancing around for a bit while Cruelty ends up underneath one of the Hammers, only taking a glancing hit from the Soviet pulverizer as it pulls away to reset. The Valkyrie clone is able to spin up again, but it has less time before Cruelty pushes forward and tries to stop the disc with its face. It takes another gouging hit, this time on the side of the wedge, but the disc stops dead as both robots take another trip sailing across the arena. Tri gets the disc up to speed again, but HYB isn't quite stable and it starts clanking off the floor. This gives Cruelty the ideal opening and it's able to shove HYB underneath a conveniently-located Lenin's Hammer and pin it there, forcing the undercutter to take a few blows to its top plate before the refs force a separation. Tri tries to put some distance between himself and Froggo and he does spin up quickly, but Cruelty is able to rear-end the bot and tip it forward.

The resulting CLANG as HYB is pushed into the ground deafens the crowd, and the spinner is sent rocketing off to one side. However, Cruelty's looking the worse for wear after all these collisions, and its drive seems a little more sluggish than it did at the start of the match. Its wedge is also gouged to hell and back, with the aforementioned bent tooth lifting the wedge plate off the ground slightly. HYB isn't looking too stellar either, with its top plate dented from the hazards and the disc motor making a slightly worrying noise. The bouncing undercutter finally comes to rest as an overcutter, and if anything it's easier for Tri to get the disc spun up now since he doesn't have to worry about it catching on the floor. Cruelty circles again, trying to avoid overextending, but HYB is able to catch a nasty blow to the side of the wedge plate as Cruelty comes in for another charge. This time, though, the brick recovers before the spinner, and Cruelty is able to shove the upturned overcutter into the central spinner, putting a big gash in the side of HYB's left wheel in the process. Before Tri can mount a counterattack, though, cease is called, and the judges come out to inspect the two battered but defiant competitors.

Aggression: Cruelty 8 - 7 Hartmann's Youkai Bot II
Damage: Hartmann's Youkai Bot II 9 - 6 Cruelty
Control: Cruelty 9 - 6 Hartmann's Youkai Bot II

Winner: Cruelty, 23-22 JD

Final Boss vs OverCleaver

This is the superheavyweight Hazard vs. the superheavyweight Biohazard, which is a shame because the former seems to have got its weapon motor from the original Hazard. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but not by much. It also doesn't help that Team Eagle is going into this fight like pallbearers at a funeral, which, well, you won't win with that attitude. The fight kicks off with Final Boss rushing over towards OverCleaver and trying to angle in on its front wedge. OverCleaver soon realizes that it has a massive problem: its blade is too high to even hit Final Boss. The low power matters not a jot, and FB easily slides its flipper under the static portion of the wedge and hurls it skywards. OC bounces around the place, ends up on its back, and is eventually counted out.

Winner: Final Boss, KO by Immobilization, 00:49

Han-D vs Equisde

Put on the Eurobeat! Equisde zooms out of its starting square, while Han-D just kind of nonchalantly lumbers, or... you know what, it swaggers out. When driving Han-D it’s important to keep in mind that you are in fact the king. You’re a big boy with a big hammer, so you can’t let little bitches like Equisde over here intimidate you.

Han-D isn’t intimidated, but it can’t get into range to swing that hammer either, with Equisde darting around like a mosquito. It’s basically sitting in place and just spinning to keep aimed at its opponent, but that’s a lot of weight to keep moving back and forth. It’s struggling to keep up, but Equisde is intimidated and doesn’t want to commit to getting within hammer range.

Equisde finally comes in at an angle, and it looks like Han-D might briefly have a shot at it, but it doesn’t fire the hammer, instead punching the plow forward. It glances off Equisde’s skirts, knocking the bot off-course and leaving a significant dent, but Equisde ends up getting to the side of Han-D. It plants its wedge against Han-D's legs, but its lifter can’t reach the chassis. It settles for a strong push, but Han-D twists away.

And now, we get more circling. Long story short, Equisde boops Han-D a couple times at an angle where it can’t be hit, and eventually gets to its side again. This time it’s able to hook its lifter under one of Han-D's front legs and lift! The low gearing and short reach pay off, because Equisde’s got plenty of torque and good balance. Han-D starts shaking itself back and forth with its own weaponry and flailing its legs, but it’s slowly but surely getting dragged across the arena. It finally shakes itself loose, and immediately spins to try to get a hammer blow in, but Equisde backs off again.

Man, how do you even score aggression in this fight? Han-D's being cautious enough with a one-hit weapon that it’s refused to even use it without a surefire shot, and Equisde’s trying to play Rope-A-Dope.

Anyway, Equisde tries to come in at an angle again. Han-D fires the punching plow, right into its lifter, and Equisde takes that as its cue to try to pick it up again as it strafes to the side! Han-D retracts the plow, but it looks like Equisde’s caught it from the side and gotten its arm in between the plow and the chassis, between those rack and pinion things. Han-D is actually within reach to “kick” at Equisde with its legs, which hilariously actually puts dents in its top “armor,” but it’s getting pushed sideways slowly but surely towards Stalin’s Sickle! Equisde tries to lower its opponent as it feeds it into the hazard, but doesn’t get it all the way free of its lifting arm.

WHAM! Both bots are knocked skidding across the arena. Looks like Han-D got hooked right on the rear left leg! The blow rips the bots away from each other, which doesn’t appear to have damaged Han-D's plow, but it did put a serious sideways twist in Equisde’s lifting arm. It doesn’t look like it can retract fully. One of Han-D's legs appears to be jammed up, and the bot is limping awkwardly around the arena now, having a bit of trouble with directional control. Equisde is also dragging wheels around. Two or three of its wedgelets have been crumpled or fallen off in the normal course of it existing, and there’s rollers on the arena floor, but omni wheels can actually function with a couple disabled if there’s enough of them, and Equisde’s absurd wheel count is actually giving it some redundancy. A puff of smoke comes out of it, presumably from a jammed motor cooking itself and or its ESC, but it’s still strafing around, albeit a bit awkwardly.

Equisde tries the hooking the plow trick again, but this time Han-D finally just goes for broke with the hammer, aaand... misses. No wait, it did hit, there’s another skirt gone from Equisde, but Equisde’s able to hook one of Han-D's working legs with its gimped lifter and tip it sideways again. After some very awkward wrestling, it gets it into the sickle a second time, and... WHAM!

Equisde’s lifter is now in the fully raised position – that is, backwards – and staying there. I don’t see a chain on the sprocket, so it’s presumably fallen down inside the robot somewhere. Han-D is limping worse, now... and there’s fluid on the arena floor! That isn’t good! It seems to be leaking from the rear right leg. It tries to limp around on its front legs, then those stop as well. Goodbye hydraulic system! Han-D starts firing its hammer and punching bar wildly, and it is actually moving itself across the arena floor at a surprising rate of like a foot every second or so. That’s, uhh... that’s translational movement, but it’s not controlled translational movement, and as Equisde looks on, not wanting to risk getting in the way of that mad flailing, the countdown proceeds.

Your winner, by knockout in 2:33, is Equisde!

Steelhead Division (C)

Lifter 2: Electric Boogaloo has a bye

I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker vs Fenrir

Shoutout to w0lf for starting his RP off with "his wedge game's WEAK" like he's about to rip off his sweatshirt and fly into a rap battle or something. You do you.

Speaking of w0lf, Fenrir's drum spins right the fuck up and makes that oh-so-beloved sound that keeps the hearing aid business alive and well. Y'know, the 180db WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-yeah yeah you get the idea. It does that. Crabcore makes a quicker, yet much less bombastic whirr. The two bots meet in the center-ish-not-really of the arena and start squaring up. Alex is running some advanced calculus in his head to figure out what precise angle he needs in order to grab Fenrir, meanwhile w0lf is foaming at the mouth while mashing the control sticks. The Minotaur thing.

There's some skittering about. Fenrir's not exactly the most stable bot in the world, but it takes more than a singular point difference in speed and traction gap to start cleanly flanking your opponents, even if you have fancy wheels.

That said, Crabcore does a decent enough job at spooking Fenrir backward, slowly angling around and advancing in. It's a slog, but Fenrir's up on the ropes. Something like a minute has passed at this point, Crabcore's gotta do something eventually. He goes in, arms slightly ajar (but not too much). Fenrir sees the opportunity to pounce, rushing forward to try and hit Crabcore's chassis. Backing away, Crabcore walls himself off. His front wedge slides right under Fenrir... only for the top of Crabcore's plow-arm to get smacked by Fenrir for 4 corner damage.

The rest of the fight just kinda falls apart as Fenrir stacks up more cheap shots and chucks Crabcore around to death. On one of the last hits, Crabcore's saw actually snaps in half upon impacting the ground. Wew laddie.

Fenrir wins by KO in 1:56. Match dismissed, bring in the dancing lobstas.

Santangelo vs KEGATRON

KEGATRON is mighty. Mighty AF, to be exact. Santangelo has a weak, pitiful little flipper that would struggle to turn over an empty coke can in a stiff breeze. Sad. Very sad.

What it does have, though, is more speed, a shit-ton of armour, and a wedge that's nigh-unbeatable. You know, like ninety percent of Laz bots. KEGATRON will need all of its might for this one.

So, Santangelo rips out of its starting square like 'someone lit [its] ass on fire', whips around the bend, and comes screaming straight in at its opponent.


The Russian judge gives that one a 6.5. It's mostly because he's been paid off. That was deserving of a solid 8, at least. KEGATRON pirouettes balletically. Never thought a warrior could do that? Time to rethink what a warrior is, fam. Anyways, Laz is amused - amused in the way that a kid lighting ants on fire is. Turns out that's practically the only way that Laz can be amused. What follows is about a minute and a half of Santangelo smacking into KEGATRON, and the big spinner flipping, flopping, and twirling all over the place. All part of the plan, I'm certain. It takes a couple of shots from Stalin's Sickle in the process, but KEGATRON does not know this Communism thing, so KEGATRON is summarily unaffected. Oh yeah, Santangelo's on this fight as well, winning it, but that's besides the point. Back to KEGATRON!

The plan works! Laz gets a bit sloppy, KEGATRON pulls a dodge that the Canadian judge gives a 10 (mind you, she's the Canadian judge, so she gives 10s out like they're Easter chocolates on clearance the week after Easter. Still, counts for something, I guess). KEGATRON settles back onto two wheels, its weapon teeth catch the rump of Santangelo, and it punts the cheese wedge with magnificent force towards the wall, where it...wedges the wall and gets stuck. The Team Worst Swordsman machine dawdles on over, all about winning valiantly but also not opposed to taking the good fortune that comes its way. Laz is calling for an unstick but the referee - a stout, no-nonsense Bulgarian woman of proud peasant stock who may be somewhat sympathetic to KEGATRON - shakes her head and has begun a count by the time that Santangelo is able to squirm free. It takes another shot to the ass from its opponent and it may actually be feeling the burn tomorrow. It also gets flipped. Of course, Santangelo has just enough power in its flipper to self-right - Laz made sure of that - and does so immediately, as KEGATRON charges in once more, drum howling fiercely.

The gloriously white flipper zips away at speeds only matched by Usain Bolt and middle-aged American women at Wal-Mart on Black Friday and resets. What follows is roughly another minute of it pwning KEGATRON all over the place and Laz' mojo meter gradually refilling. The buzzer sounds, the match ends, and the judges get their scorecards out.

Damage: 8-7 Santangelo
Aggression: 9-6 Santangelo
Control: 11-4 Santangelo

Result: KEGATRON has lost the battle, 17-28, but not yet the war.

Space Cadet vs Delorean Cowboy

The battle's been due to start for an hour, and the refs are sent out to look for Goat. They eventually find him in the staff breakroom, staring at the television. Goat is reciting the entire Bee Movie script. The television is switched off and unplugged at the wall. He has been here for three days. Nobody noticed.

Winner: Space Cadet, KO by forfeit, 00:10

Mastodon... Extinction (HW)
Osiris... Armageddon! (MW)
Elrathia... ROBOTS (LW)
Magnolia Pico... Ruination 4 (MW)
RipTide... ROBOT2 (FW)

The Monsterworks: 149 - 43 (.776) ...Probably up to no good.
The Cherry Bomb Classic III: 7-0Show
Carbonemys: 3-0
Black Diamond: 2-0
I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!: 2-0

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The Monsterworks
Posts: 1129
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Location: Canada, for now

Re: The Cherry Bomb Classic III: Fight Cards, Brackets, and Writing Assignments

Post by The Monsterworks » Sat Mar 16, 2019 11:24 pm

Okay, guess what, people? We're done with the spooky stuff! No more church organs and gargoyles and abandoned communist monuments. Instead, our next location is in good old Springfield, USA! "Which Springfield?" you ask, knowing that there are like, a bazillion of them? To that, I say, use your imagination and keep your travel plans flexible, friend! Also, look out for Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie! While you're at it, enjoy some classic Americana at our early-sixties-inspired arena, Shooting Star. Check it out below!

Shooting Star

Shooting Star by Floating Castle Robotics on Sketchfab

Name: Shooting Star

Location: Springfield, USA

Layout: square, with a large ramp in the center

Size: 40 ft x 40 ft - 1600 square feet

Intended Use: FW - MW Singles and Doubles

Theme: 60s retro-futuristic drive in theater

Floor Materials: steel

House Robots: This arena does not use house robots.

Hazards and Features:
  • Blast Off Zone (1) - This large ramp in the middle of the arena can act as both a creative place for competitors to hide from each other and as a place to get some awesome airtime!
  • Immobilizer Rays (2) - Located in diagonally opposing corners, these are sets of powerful floor pistons that activate when robots park on them for two or more seconds, popping up and potentially stranding them for ten seconds as well as dealing light damage.
  • Flying Saucers (2) - Located in diagonally opposing corners, these are large horizontal flywheels that are designed for maximum bite and for heavy damage.

Achievement: To Infinity and Beyond! - (1 star) Get airtime jumping off the central ramp // (2 star) Clear the entire ramp with a jump.

The Fight Card

Below are the week's fights. RPs will be due on Saturday, March 23, at 11:59 PM EST. The RP limit is 400 words and will be strictly enforced. Please include the stats of each bot fighting in your post, as it helps the writers, and remember to inform your opponent of configuration choices.





The Debilitator Division (A)

Hobart 2 has a bye

Carnivore vs Beast from the West

Terpsichora vs Sleipnir

Ayame vs Evil Destroyer

Elrathia Division (B)

Tiny Torque has a bye

Twin Typhoons vs Phobos Anomaly

Storm Worm vs Tidal Wave 2

Blood Eagle vs Eudial III

Nick's Fuzzy Rules Division (C)

The Gnasher has a bye

Piranha Plant vs Harrowdown Hill

The Thieving Magpie vs Killjoy II

Shade Fist vs Cuddle Time!


Magnolia Pico Division (A)

JEVIL has a bye

Vortex 3 vs Lethal Carriageway Mk. 3

Harpy vs Carbonemys

Manglerfish vs Jackal

Frogbot 2000 Division (B)

Psychosis has a bye

Marksman vs Jawsome

Dragonfist vs I Suck at Names

Neophyte Redglare vs Scion

Black Dog Division (C)

Super Youkai Warhead has a bye

Axe 'N Kill vs Pizza That Eats You

Chronic Jobber vs Harbinger

Diablo Genesis III vs NKC

Mastodon... Extinction (HW)
Osiris... Armageddon! (MW)
Elrathia... ROBOTS (LW)
Magnolia Pico... Ruination 4 (MW)
RipTide... ROBOT2 (FW)

The Monsterworks: 149 - 43 (.776) ...Probably up to no good.
The Cherry Bomb Classic III: 7-0Show
Carbonemys: 3-0
Black Diamond: 2-0
I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!: 2-0

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The Monsterworks
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Location: Canada, for now

Re: The Cherry Bomb Classic III: Fight Cards, Brackets, and Writing Assignments

Post by The Monsterworks » Sun Mar 24, 2019 1:09 pm

Seven weeks: seven long weeks, and we are at the halfway mark of the group stages. While some of our competitors are well on their way to carving their names into the annals of ARC history, others stand on the precipice of elimination. It's only fitting, then, that our battleground should be the austere, spartan Stormhavn. Located in the windswept, sea-lashed port city of Trondheim, Norway, this hazardless arena will do nothing to aid you and nothing to harm you. Your fate is up to the Gods and your own prowess in battle. Familiarize yourself with it below.


Stormhavn by Floating Castle Robotics on Sketchfab

Name: Stormhavn

Location: Trondheim, Norway

Layout: Square

Size: 46 ft x 46 ft - 2116 square feet

Intended Use: LW - SHW Singles and Doubles

Theme: Norse Temple/Hall

Floor Materials: Fireproofed Hardwood

House Robots: This arena does not use house robots.

Hazards and Features:
  • Berserker Walls (4) - The four corners of the arena have low barriers of only a foot and a half. A decent flip, a clamp and suplex, and perhaps even a particularly strong berserker rush all stand to send a corner camping opponent out of the arena.
  • Will of the Gods (n/a) - This arena has no hazards whatsoever. Your own fighting ability - not subject to any interference - will determine the victor.

Achievement: Til Valhol! - Win a fight while being unable to move at the end (KO, double KO, incomplete count-out).

The Fight Card

Below are the week's fights. RPs will be due on Saturday, March 30, at 11:59 PM EST. The RP limit is 400 words and will be strictly enforced. Please include the stats of each bot fighting in your post, as it helps the writers, and remember to inform your opponent of configuration choices.





Richter Division (A)

Bass Drop II has a bye

Shadow Mk 5 vs. Long Arm of the Law

Compound Fracture vs Trashman

Perdito vs Meta Ridley

Wedgelord Division (B)

Pendulum II has a bye

Something Something Clusterbot vs Golden Blaze

Dreadnought Mk. 4 vs Tabor Mk. 3

Chimera vs Hellfire

Broken Ghost Division (C)

Necroblade has a bye

Terminating Cutter Gen III vs Spitfire

Black Diamond vs Petaflare

Coup de Grâce IV vs Death Metal


YOU DIED Division (A)

Maurdread has a bye

TAT vs Black Mamba

Starfish Prime vs Triple 6

Dysprosinator vs Shellshock

Tax Cutter Division (B)

Equisde has a bye

OverCleaver vs HAN-D

Cruelty vs Final Boss

Phantasmic Slammer vs Hartmann's Youkai Bot

Steelhead Division (C)

Delorean Cowboy has a bye

KEGATRON vs Space Cadet

Fenrir vs Santangelo

I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker! vs Lifter 2: Electric Boogaloo

Mastodon... Extinction (HW)
Osiris... Armageddon! (MW)
Elrathia... ROBOTS (LW)
Magnolia Pico... Ruination 4 (MW)
RipTide... ROBOT2 (FW)

The Monsterworks: 149 - 43 (.776) ...Probably up to no good.
The Cherry Bomb Classic III: 7-0Show
Carbonemys: 3-0
Black Diamond: 2-0
I Dance Crabcore, Motherfucker!: 2-0

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