ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results
Posted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 12:58 am
Welcome to the third annual Realistic Online Bouts of Technological Scuffles! Here's ya brackets - the matchups are on there, I'll have them written out in here in the next day or so for all yall that dont wanna go through multiple links.
Featherweights:
Black Dog vs Mudcrab - FEATHERWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!
A matchup of filthy creatures. But which will fight the dirtiest? Mudcrab's going in one claw forwards, one back. Black Dog spins up and charges in, with Mudcrab, also up to speed, meeting it in the middle. Black Dog turns a little to the right just before it slams into Mudcrab, hoping to clip one of Mudcrab's forks, but this just results in Mudcrab hitting Black Dog's corner instead. As the turn had raised the corner up a little, Mudcrab even gets a lucky hit on Black Dog's left fork, bending it upwards and flipping Black Dog over backwards. That fork won't be wedging any more, but Black Dog's got lots more and is still spinning. It turns and charges Mudcrab again as Mudcrab comes in, hoping to bite off a wheel, and the drum-to-drum impact flips it backwards again, setting it upright once more.
Both are now trying to outdrive the other and get in a good hit without being hit in return. Mudcrab seems better controlled, and has less gyro to deal with, but it's still not finding a good angle of attack given Black Dog's wide drum. Still you've got to attack at some point, so it goes in. Another drum-to-drum clash sends Mudcrab flying this time, with a bit of a gash in its drum. Black Dog follows up quickly with another hit, but its drum wasn't at full speed and so it's just taking a small chunk out of Mudcrab's rear wheel. The rest of the match passes similarly, with neither competitor able to get a knock out blow, but both taking damage. Black Dog finally gets the hit to Mudcrab's fork that it was looking for, taking one out, but knocks Mudcrab over with the same hit. Its forks, meawhile, are also looking pretty tattered as well.
Both drivers end frustrated they couldn't hit the other out, but they're too skilled to give the other the opportunity. The judges will have to decide this one...
Damage: 3-2 Black Dog
Control: 3-2 Mudcrab
Aggression: 3-2 Black Dog
A very close decision give you your winner, Black Dog.
The Terrible Toad Twins vs Found God in a Tomato
Fuck, that's a mouthful of a match name. Anyway, all three bots get up to speed, the toad duo tucked neatly together, advancing side by side, in what I'm going to arbitrarily dub as Black Dog Formation. Meanwhile, Tomato sort of wiggles on its way out, colliding with the left frog and shunting it away somewhat. The right frog manages to dash in for a solid hit, tossing the somewhat spun-down ring spinner up and over in the air, as the other frog reels from the impact, a hefty gash along their front. The intact frog keeps up its assault on Tomato, throwing it up a second time, as its buddy comes back in to join in on the fun, the two juggling hits between one another. Throughout this, Tomato isn't being given an inch to spin up for a good twenty-odd seconds, though eventually manages to squeak away for a bit. The toads reform the Black Dog Formation, approaching again, this time the bots colliding weapon to weapon, the same frog being hit once more, getting spun away and starting to smoke up. The remaining toad goes ham, throwing Tomato once more, spraying what looks like a little plastic across the floor as Tomato lands. It would seem that one of the omnidrive wheels on Tomato has shattered, leaving rollers strewn across the floor. A third hit from the remaining frog sends Tomato up and over again, breaking off more rollers, and seemingly stopping the disk. Tomato attempts to shuffle away, but it turns out it's pretty hard to mover with three half-wheels, eventually leading to a count-out.
The Terrible Toad Twins win by KO in 1:42!
OwO bot 2000 vs Mekabu
This fight basically starts as your stereotypical “2 verts circling around each other trying to find an opponent for like 30 seconds without doing anything” fight. Finally the two come in approximately head-on, with Mekabu trying to get its forks under the sides of OWOBot 2000’s, but it’s Mekabu who gets popped up in the air. It lands upright but OWObot comes right in with another smack that tosses it onto its back. Mekabu flees, but isn’t able to get enough distance to safely self-right and has to just point its discs at OWObot and hope for the best as it charges in.
And Mekabu gets sent flying again. It’s righted this time, but there’s a nick in its wedge and one of the long side forks has lost its tip. It goes in aggressively though, and after a couple of inconsequential exchanges OWObot’s fork rides up into the discs and it gets tossed about ten feed backwards in a 360 backflip. Now one of OWObot’s forks has been bent upward a bit. Will that cause problems for it?
Yes, it appears it will! There’s another big hit by Mekabu that sends OWOBot 2000 careening onto its back. The disc kicks it back over, but as it bounces down it’s at a really bad angle and gets hit in the side. It’s launched again, wobbling from gyroscopic precession, and bounces onto is back again, the disc clattering to a stop. It’s just barely limping around, but the disc isn’t a very effective skid and it can’t maneuver that well. Mekabu circles around a bit, sizing it up, and tries to attack the side but isn’t able to get much of a bite. It backs up, lines up again, and charges – oh, and OWOBot 2000 was nearly sent out of the arena. It comes down on its wheels and runs away, but the disc isn’t spinning up. Uhh… I think the belt might be gone?
In any case, OWOBot puts up a heroic fight with its forks, managing to get under Mekabu a couple times and once jam a fork against its opponent’s shaft collar and keep the discs at bay. However, eventually Mekabu’s able to get a solid hit that punts it over the high wall and out.
Your winner, by OOTA in 2:03, is Mekabu!
Sixpounder vs Kirby
If you have to remind the writer that your bot isn't technically breaking any rules, that says something about your robot building. But that's none of my business. (Sips tea.)
Anywho, you've got a wacky, colorful, strafing Kirb with a star-rod Chomp hammer against an overly detailed chrome hot rod. The hot rod's put a railing on top of its plow to stop the hammer, which gives it confidence as it charges in to slam Kirbo against the wall. Kirby's mecanum-strafing slowly around the arena, hammer at the ready, and as it gets slammed fires away lustily. Kirby's body lurches into the air as the shaft of the hammer slams down onto the hammer-blocking rail, giving it a neat new V-shape look, sort of like angry eyebrows. Sixpounder lifts Kirby up against the wall, but Kirby fires its hammer again, dealing a lighter blow to the plow as it careens off sideways. The plow lowers and Sixpounder chases after it, catching up before Kirby can aim its hammer properly, but as it gets shoved gets another hit in before it its slammed into the wall once more.
Sixpounder is able to stay in control the entire match, but its shiny, smooth chrome plow is starting to look more like a mustache, and a lucky hit from Kirby has also partially seized one of its front wheels. Alex looks apprehensive as the fight goes to the judges.
Damage: 5-0 Kirby
Control: 4-1 Sixpounder
Aggression: 3-2 Sixpounder
A surprisingly close 8-7 decision gives the fight to your winner, Kirby!
Idiot Triangle vs Antbar and SawnDisc
So Billy has one good point here: Idiot Triangle is slow. The upside here is that the cluster can pretty well control when and where they get hit. The downside, as is about to be relevant, is that when you're that slow, accidentally driving into the wall is near impossible, which puts a stop to the baiting tactics very early. Billy goes to his next best plan of sacrificing SawnDisc to slow Idiot Triangle down. SawnDisc does not take the hit well at all: the weapon has a chunk taken out of it, and it looks like some important internal components have been OOTA'd. Idiot Triangle bounces away, into a wall, almost to another, and for a moment it looks like Antbar may just have a chance to do some real damage, but even at partial speed, Idiot Triangle hits just a bit too hard for Antbar's armor. The first hit isn't too bad, thanks to Antbar's weapon armor, but Antbar fails to secure an OOTA and by the time it's recovered from recoil, Idiot Triangle is almost at top speed again. The next hit punts Idiot Triangle back a fair way, but the impact seems to have killed Antbar's weapon. Idiot Triangle takes advantage of the distance created by the recoil to spin up to lethal speeds, and the next hit seals the match.
Idiot Triangle wins by KO in 1:22
HardWired vs What's the Scoop
The crowd lights up as the big chair on wheels is carted into the box for the first time, the novelty of such a unique design not being lost on them as it quickly becomes the crowd favorite. It stares down a fairly bog-standard looking vertical spinner, whose driver isn't really sure what he's looking at, but he knows he wants to win. It's robot fighting time.
HW3 gets spun up right off the bat as WTS charges across the arena at it. Scoop charges up the wedge to monster-truck over HW3, but the lower robot angles slightly as the two meet. unfortunately for Ethan, his robot's disc is unable to get much purchase on the slippery chair, and WTS sails up and over the spinner, getting to its back end. Scoop starts to turn, its wheels slipping on the steel floor as it fights its long narrow wheelbase. By the time he's even close to turned around, HardWired is already attacking its wheel. Once again, the plastic flexes, keeping Ethan from gaining the upper hand he desperately wants. This sort of back-and-forth goes on for a while until the spinner finally catches something on What's the Scoop, popping it onto its back wheels as it torques itself upside-down. Wham tries to use this to his advantage, slotting his big upside-down scoop against the vertical spinner so he can start pushing, but his front wheels are too far forward and he ends up slipping up the wedge again. This time, though, Ethan's angling trick is able to bite that big corner on top, sending WTS into a barrel roll, where it lands on its side. WTS flails around for a while while HW3 has fun laying into it, but eventually the fight comes to an end.
Aggression: 3-2 HardWired III
Damage: 5-0 HardWired III
Strategy: 3-2 Hardwired III
HardWired III wins an 11-4 decision.
Entropic Degeneration vs Black Salvo
There’s a reason I’ve been stalling on writing this and it’s because ED confuses me. Why does it have… any of the things it has in this combination of them :V. well at any rate Black Salvo comes out aggressive and ED is waiting with open arms – open enough that its wedges are on the ground, but also so far open that Salvo is able to get underneath the crusher arm and start shoving ED about far before Rocket can think about getting those slow crusher arms around BS. She still tries, mind you, but it just kinda puts her at a wonkier angle that prevents the saw from doing much of anything. And honestly, that’s kinda just the fight in a nutshell – ED tries to get stuff done, and there are some saw marks in the top of BS by the time the match is over, but mostly the slow and complex bot is comprehensively out-driven by the simple rambot, and there’s really no doubt in anyone’s mind where the JD is going.
Aggression: 4-1 Black Salvo
Damage: 3-2 Entropic Degeneration
Control: 4-1 Black Salvo
Your winner, in a 10-5 decision, is Black Salvo!
Beaned vs Post Traumatic Stress
Right so fragile multibot vs big fuckspinner of doom. This should be a pretty easy match to deci- aaaaand w0lf didn't RP.
...or, wait, yes he did. Turns out these MENSA-level gentlemen put their strategies in two different threads! What rascals these guys are.
Anyway, Post Trumatic Stress revs up and gets the ever-recognizable death hum going, while YSM basically goes "Brick, I choose you!" and has it charge at PTS. Will it be able to withstand the force of PTS' ~100something pound* weapon?!
*haha oops this is FW, so probably 10-15 lbs or something along those lines
Answer is: no, BRICK isn't able to stop a weapon heavier than it. PTS' blade comes awfully close to swiping at the main chassis, but instead grabs a hold of the wedge's side panelling and flings it across the floor. It lasts a few more hits before the 6 armor chassis finally takes a direct shot and shatters like glass.
And then one of the other two sub-5-armor bots gets tapped once and dies. Let's go with... coin flip real quiiick... Coso. Yeah, that one. The GIANT SAW snaps into something like 4-5 pieces and one of said pieces lodges itself into an arena light. Mini Something, wanting to go out on its own terms, uses the clamp-lifter weapon to OOTA itself.
Post Trumatic Stress wins by part-KO part-surrender in 1:27.
Lightweights:
Hard News vs Madscience
Madscience starts spinning up and spewing flame while Hard News box rushes... and also spins up. The first hit sends Madscience about halfway up the high wall behind it before careening into the center of the arena, slowed down significantly but otherwise looking fine. Hard News was less lucky, having been flung sideways, completed a full roll to (thankfully) land right-side up, and showing some wobble on the weapon - it looks as though a small chunk broke off the tip of the bar. Madscience is able to get up to full speed, still flaming like a troll on Reddit or 4chan or whatever is popular these days. Hard News attempts to get the weapon back up to speed, but the coining from the damage on the first hit results in a hard-to-drive bot. Madscience slowly creeps at Hard News while Wham desperately tries to get control of his bot back with mild success. This may be the slowest-moving chase I've ever mentally applied the Benny Hill theme to. They do eventually meet one more time, and well... you look at these weapon and armor stats and tell me what you think happened :V
Madscience wins by KO in 1:01
Flipcake vs Ilwoon
The two bots size each other up, Flipcake’s flipper against the, uh… flywheel hammer spinner thing of Ilwoon? How the fuck does this robot work? It’s making an ominous humming noise, but the weapon is dangling from its supports like a clock pendulum, deceptively calm. A slight bit of wheel lift as Ilwoon turns to keep Flipcake away from its side betrays the real danger, though. Or something. Assuming it actually works. Anyway, Flipcake’s trying really hard to get to Ilwoon’s side, but not getting away with it, and ends up getting under it. The hammer comes to life with a violent jolt, swinging around a full 360 degrees, popping both bots in the air from the force, and… glances harmlessly off of Flipcake’s wedge. It’s got the power, but it doesn’t have that much reach, especially with that tooth geometry. It’s really going to have to get Flipcake WAY up on that wedge to get a good hit.
Anyway, after some more back and forth jockeying for position, Flipcake goes for Ilwoon’s corner but gets wedged again. Ilwoon this time learns its lesson and guns it for the nearest wall, sliding way under Flipcake and high-centering it, but as it fires Flipcake uses its own flipper. Ilwoon’s counterweight hits the arm as it raised, pushing the bot into the air, there’s another solid but ineffectual blow on the flipping wedge, and the combination of the two weapons’ action sends Ilwoon tumbling up and over onto its side.
Flipcake backs off and takes a victory spin. Ilwoon’s wheels don’t touch the ground in that position, the weapon I’m not sure about. Let’s see. The bot’s hum turns into a whine, and there’s the shot! The hammer doesn’t hit the floor, but it sends the bot rocking back and forth like a bar spinner that’s broken in half as the hammer spins madly, but it eventually flops back onto its side. For about five seconds it sits there, and there’s an exasperated gesture from the ref before the countdown starts, but the weapon fires again. It’s not pretty, in fact it’s awkward as hell, but Ilwoon slams the counterweight and then the main hammer into the floor in rapid succession as the weapon whips around, and manages to just barely kick itself up and over its rear wedge and back onto its wheels.
Flipcake wasn’t expecting that. It’s going back to the same going for the sides strategy, and finally gets under, getting under Ilwoon and tossing it in the air again – unfortunately onto its face, where a well-timed shot from the hammer easily rights it. And after a bit Ilwoon gets in again, and this time slams the weapon down right on top of Flipcake’s flipper mechanism. This is the part where a normal hammer would retract its weapon… which Ilwoon can’t do because it only goes one way. It settles for pinning Flipcake against the wall while it spins its flywheel back up, then backs off, comes in again under Flipcake’s side, and gets another huge hit. Flipcake’s stuck going in circles, and not well enough to crab across the floor. I think this is over!
The ref counts Flipcake out, and Ilwoon promptly celebrates by dry-firing the hammer and flops onto its side in the process.
Your winner, by knockout in 1:45, is Ilwoon!
Y.V. vs Admiral
Y.V. first starts the fight by rushing to Admiral. Admiral however, tried to get away from Y.V., baiting it to steer to the side instead. Y.V. does it, and it overseers from that, so Admiral flips it, sending Y.V. high into the air, before it lands. Fortunately, Y.V. lands the right way up in the end, and didn't go OOTA. After this, Y.V. decided to aggressively go to Admiral head on, succeeding in it. Both bots initially, interlock, but then Y.V. gets the better of the wedge war and outwedged Admiral. However, Y.V. has a little bit of problem pushing Admiral with the wheel setup, though it still can do it effectively to prevent Admiral from escaping at least, lifting the lifter slightly to prevent Admiral from escaping, before slamming it to the wall at high speed and lifting Admiral again quickly, overturning it.
Admiral soon tries to self right, but Y.V. is able to catch it, before repeating the slam and lift. Y.V. is successful in this regard as Admiral is helpless. Then, one minute left, while Admiral does get some damage from all the slams, it still works decently, and it tries to bait Y.V. to turn again, successfully forcing another slight oversteer that Admiral exploits, flipping Y.V. around. This time, Y.V. is inverted, but quickly self rights, though Admiral catches and flip it again. It's not that optimal this time though, and Y.V. goes back to it's wheel. Y.V. finally decided to strafe around Admiral, and goes head on again, outwedging Admiral for another slam and lift. Admiral nearly J-hooks out, but Y.V. lifts Admiral in response, before wedging it again. Y.V. soon get Admiral to the low wall, slamming and lifting it out of the arena. However, before Admiral can get out fully, the time runs out, though Y.V. can't stop the lifter in time, so it goes to judge's decision regardless of the OOTA
Judge's Decision:
Damage: 3-2 Y.V.
Control: 3-2 Y.V.
Agression: 3-2 Y.V.
Winner: Y.V. by JD (9-6)
Nuclear Plague vs Hallucinogen - LIGHTWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!
We have two near-identical bots with identical stats and very similar strategies. Ready to see how this plays out? Me too. They both want to go weapon-to-weapon, so they do. Nuclear Plague gets the better of the first exchange, marginally. While damage is identical for both bots, Hallucinogen gets popped up into the air and gets forced into playing defense upon landing. Following a few more of those types of hits, HFL decides weapon-to-weapon isn't worth it anymore and starts zigzagging at his opponent to get an angle on the forks. Guess what Nuclear Plague does in response: nearly the exact same thing to try and force more head-on collisions. This approach method works out much better for Hallucinogen, who gets in some nice hits that don't really do a whole lot of damage but still look good to the judges. I guess I should point out now, they're both trying to flip each other, and neither is really succeeding, so they just keep on hitting each other and racking up shock damage. By the end up the fight, both weapons have slowed down slightly from all the shock damage adding up, but even as the buzzer rings they get one last hit on each other and launch themselves into opposite walls for a dramatic finish to a tense fight.
Aggression: 3-2 Nuclear Plague
Damage: 3-2 Nuclear Plague
Strategy: 3-2 Nuclear Plague
Nuclear Plague wins by a 9-6 judge's decision!
Storm Worm vs Star Spangled
Both bots go straight for each other. Storm Worm pressed it's lifters in the ground to outwedge Star Spangled, while Star Spangled moves at the same speed, but still slower than Storm Worm, which accelerated quicker. So far, the 2WD static wedge of Star Spangled is fine. Star Spangled, however, then tried to angle in on Storm Worm, so Storm Worm reacted accordingly, but oversteered a bit. This allows Star Spangled to get underneath, but Storm Worm quickly escapes. Storm Worm then gets baited by Star Spangled, which drives slowly to the lifter, only to back off and escape at full speed. At this time, Storm Worm also reacted by lifting, so Storm Worm backs off at quicker speed in an attempt to reset it's lifter and press it again, while Star Spangled give chase, eventually getting to the same speed. Storm Worm doesn't have time, and it gets outwedged. However, Storm Worm fires it's flipper and lifters as well as back off to free itself, though it still catch a little mistimed flip, as Storm Worm is able to back off pretty quickly, from Star Spangled that throws it forward a bit.
Storm Worm, however, recovered after landing the right way up from the flip, and then, pressing it's lifters, it doesn' t fall from the same trick that Star Spangled do again, as well as being able to get around the angle in attempt and wedge it head on. Star Spangled then get flipped a bit by Storm Worm, with Storm Worm immediately getting under again, before flipping again, this time throwing Star Spangled over it's back. Storm Worm then gets under Star Spangled as it tries to self right, and immediately lifts as Star Spangled is about to fall into the lifters. Lifted up, Star Spangled is taken to the wall and pinned against it for 10 seconds while Storm Worm lowers the lifter as the timer is about to run out, before quickly getting under Star Spangled again before it can recover. Storm Worm then pushed Star Spangled to the low wall, pinning it there again. Finally, Storm Worm, backing up for the final time, is able to accelerate quickly to Star Spangled before it can recover yet again, and used it's lifters and flipper in conjunction, getting Star Spangled out of the arena.
Winner: Storm Worm by OOTA (1:58)
Venice Queen vs <3
VQ starts out and attempts to flank but Maxi makes that not easy with this mecanum drive. VQ also has to be wary of those side-hammers which could pack a punch to Queen’s vulnerable side armor. The two bots circle for a bit before VQ sees an opening and angles in. Maxi fires the hammer, but it hits part of VQ’s front armor, and bounces off harmlessly. The hammers retract and ready to fire again as quickly as possible, but Venice Queen is already there and slipping under <3’s forks and lifts up.
Maxi fires the hammers again, but only the base of the hammers hits VQ and doesn’t do any damage, but the impact is enough that VQ loses its grip on and Maxi quickly retreats, hammers retracting.
Both bots set up again, but Maxi retreats for the nearby wall to try to prevent VQ from getting another good angle on him. Only problem here is that it will be hard to fire those hammers, but Maxi is playing the defensive game, now. VQ goes for a side, and to face him. Fine, except that Maxi temporarily forgets his proximity to the wall as he fires the hammers, causing his bot to ‘kick out’ from the wall due to the weapon impacting it. VQ gets the opening that he’s been waiting patiently for and slips under with the lifter, again.
VQ then has up on its back against the wall, and this is the low wall. VQ tries for the OOTA, but Maxi retracts the hammers and they act a bit like self-righters as they cause to fall over to one side off of VQ’s lifter. VQ immediately gets back under before the hammers can fully reset and pins/lifts again until the ref calls for pin release. Both bots then move out towards the center of the arena and engage in some cat-and-mouse tactics. VQ teasing to fire its hammers and getting clipped one or two more times. Then, time is called.
This one is going to the judges-
Damage: 3-2 <3
Control: 3-2 Venice Queen
Aggression: 3-2 Venice Queen
Your winner, by a 8-7 Judges’ decision, is Venice Queen!
OverCutter vs Circuitz
THE BOX IS LOCKED THE LIGHTS ARE ON IT'S ROBOT FIGHTING TI- oh for fuck's sake these two guys seriously both wrote 400-worders for this 3-armor-bot meme fight. I mean, does it *really* matter if I write this match, given one of the competitors ragequit? Right? So I'm opting out of this one. G'night everybody!
...what do you mean "I'm under contract"? That's some bullshit, but hey whatever life's full of bullshit. IT'S ROBOT FIGHTING TIME.
Overcutter hustles itself forward a few feet while Circuitz teleports halfway across the arena. I think one of these bots may be slightly faster than the other. Jules, knowing that one hit means taking 12-damage-instant-obliteration, is sure NOT to ram in headfirst and instead starts drifting all the way around Overcutter. There's a few close calls, with Circuits straying dangerously close to the blade multiple times. After some lol eurobeat ecks dee action, Circuitz gets behind a gyro'ing Overcutter and goes for the sauce, NYOOMing in at a speed that's best described as "really, really fast". The flip, while not all too effective on it's own, is exponentially enhanced by the ram Circuits delivers and the fact that Overcutter immediately takes off like a goddamn helicopter on impact. Launch pad 1, we are a go. Overcutter lands just short of the wall... but then bounces off the ground and lands outside the arena. Eh, I guess that counts.
Circuitz wins by TKO in 0:56.
P.S. to Jules, if I have to play hide-and-go-seek to find your config buried at the bottom of some imgur album, you're probably doing it wrong.
Dubior Jr. vs PneumatiX
This fight is a tale of two inevitables in classic robot wars style. In the red, we have unstoppable power: Dubior Jr.’s monster flipper, incredible drivetrain, and complete lack of armor. In the blue, Pneumatix, with the superior wedge style: Can Pneumatix survive long enough to get its own KO? Will dubior land any monster flips? Find out, after the commercial break.
[off mic but returning, sounding hustled] what do you mean I have to read the commercials? This isn’t the 1930s!
sigh … Have you ever felt like your horse is too shy? Ridden it into battle only to discover that a single fired cannon or landing artillery shot spooked the hell out of it? Well then do I have the horse training class for you! Come on down to 4th and state’s petsmart and enroll in Henry Derringer’s newest innovative class; Bombproof Your Horse: Teach Your Horse to be Confident, Obedient and Safe No Matter What You Encounter!”
And we’re back! The box is locked and we’re ready to go, so let’s get to it. Both bots are out aggressive, slamming into each other. PneumatiX wins out, and tries to shove Dubior towards the short wall. With no other option, Tri guns it straight up and over, and just barely avoids the early surprise OOTA. They both face off in the neutral for a very short while, before they just go face to face again. PneumatiX gets under, and turns this into a nice little run on of bullying for quite a bit before Dubior manages to get control of things again. This time Tri tries to angle in and gets a swipe – but can’t get fully under. PneumatiX ends up winning out on the next major exchange, and again he snowballs things greatly – nearly getting the OOTA – before dubior manages to force neutral again.
Once again it’s given up quickly, dubior firing excitedly as soon as it looked like he might have gotten under from a corner. His whole body is flung upwards from the power of the flip, and PneumatiX is able to dig deep under and deliver a big slam and flip that is, unfortunately for him, up into a tall wall. Dubior flops free and escapes, but pnuematiX is able to track him down again, and delivers a series of flips, out-wedges, and pins that see the last minute or so of the match lie squarely in its favor. That is, until the very end – Dubior manages to finally get under and deliver that absolute MONSTER of a flip it can give – but PneumatiX lands just on the edge of the wall as time expires.
Aggression: 3-2 PneumatiX
Damage: 3-2 PneumatiX
Control: 3-2 PneumatiX
Your winner, in a 9-6 decision , is PneumatiX!
Middleweights:
Hati vs Lethal Target
Hati doesn't fall for LT's 'reverse and swerve' tactics and uses his control advantage to angle in on the spinner, stuffing its blade with only minimal damage. Hati easily high-centers LT and slams him into the arena walls, then tries to take him to the low wall to send LT OOTA. He gets LT up onto its back, but can't quite get it over. Hati then backs off as the referee calls for the pin release. LT manages to get back onto its wheels again and spins up its weapon, but Hati is right there to stuff it into the walls again.
And this goes on for the rest of the match. Impenetrable brick vs not-so quite optimized horizontal spinner.
Damage: 3-2 Lethal Target
Control: 4-1 Hati
Aggression: 4-1 Hati
Hati wins by 10-5 Judges' Decision!
Don't Strangle the Martian Horses vs NKC - MIDDLEWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!
Both bots come out pretty aggressively. Martian Horses is strafing and weaving back and forth, the flywheel whirring up to speed, and is initially able to get in a hammer blow on the top of NKC’s plow, but that pops it up and lets NKC get under it and start shoving it towards the wall. It carefully lifts, and the saw starts to bite in, but DstMH fires the hammer the other direction into the floor and jostles itself free. It’s off the lifter now, but NKC keeps up the pursuit, wedging it again before it can spin back up and getting it against the wall. It brings the saw down, but in the process its lifter tips MH sideways and it ends up cutting into the side panel – for a few seconds, before MH fires its hammer again, and actually sneaks it around the side of the plow and knocks off one of NKC’s decorative exhaust pipes.
Again MH is free, but NK is just not letting up on that aggression, and MH is spending a lot of its time backing away, strafing around, and trying to get space to get in hammer blows, and it is getting a decent number of hits, but most of them are on NKC’s very sturdy plow, and every time it fires, that’s an opening for NKC to attack. On the other hand NKC hasn’t been able to really get definitive long-term contact with its saw because NH keeps either retaliating with hammer blows or using its weapon in the other direction and just vaulting itself off of NKC. The problem is it keeps overturning itself by doing that.
Finally MH actually turns around and tries to use its flipper end, but it’s still having so much trouble dealing with the very long reach of NKC’s forks – firing its flipper up into the saw is dangerous, though! There’s a shower of sparks, and NKC’s arm gets wrenched back by the power of that flip! It’s hard to tell but it looks like the blade might be bent or twisted, but after a bit of stuttering it does spin back up, and MH has now flipped itself over. The hammer’s still fully functional, but it takes a cut into one of its wheels before it can free itself again.
There’s a lot more of the two bots basically jabbing at each other, and nearly a self-OOTA from MH when it tries to launch itself free of NKC’s wedge while it’s near the wall, but nothing decisive. NKC’s saw blade is warped and missing some teeth, and the arm looks like it might’ve gotten torqued sideways, but other than that it’s only taken cosmetic damage. MH, on the other hand, has gotten its armor severely gouged up, but not actually cut through, and the only functional impairment is that its front wheels have some rollers torn up or bent.
Judges’ Decision:
Damage: NKC 2, DstMH 3
Aggression: NKC 4, DstMH 1
Control: NKC 4, DstMH 1
Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is NKC!
Dragonfist vs Hurricane
Dragonfist gets up to speed as Hurricane tries its best to go "FAST AS FUCK BOIIIIIIII", but by the time it meets with DF it's already fully spooled up. The resulting collision goes about as well as you could expect, with the flails knocking Hurricane's flipper away and doing some pretty serious damage to the flipper arm. With no backup plan, Hurricane continues to try to rush in on the spinner, but gets a nice face-lift for its efforts, with the flipper removed from its hinges and flung into the corner. With the flipper now removed, Dragonfist's flails now reach over the chassis and begin battering the tires, and it's soon after this that Hurricane finds it can no longer move in a straight line, or even at all. With its opponent reduced to a barely-mobile husk, Dragonfist swings for the fences and blows Hurricane's left-front wedgelet clean off the rest of the bot, followed by the barely twitching wheel it was guarding. Hurricane is counted out.
Dragonfist wins by KO at 1:10
White Cat vs Der Adder
White Cat first starts the match by trying to bait Der Adder to the low wall as Der Adder starts the match by trying to box rush White Cat and outwedging it aggressively. White Cat is near the low wall, being perpendicular to it, when it turned around and go forward seconds before Der Adder hits, having to do it as it doesn't have time. Both bots then hit as Der Adder gets underneath White Cat, and both are sent flying. White Cat fortunately doesn't get sent out, but it lands on it's back and with the drum facing away, while Der Adder is inverted. Der Adder soon goes on offensive again, so White Cat immediately goes for Der Adder's front, turning in time to face it, while the latter tries to force a hit on the drum too. Both bots are sent flying again, landing the right way for both. However, at this point, Der Adder is near the low wall, so White Cat tries to force a collision with Der Adder again, which tries to escape from the low wall with it's quicker speed. After outrunning White Cat safely, the hit happens again. Another hit ensues, this time with White Cat only having one more hit, while Der Adder is inverted again near the low wall. The final hit happens, and this time, Der Adder gets thrown out of the arena as White Cat's weapon died and started to smoke
Winner: White Cat by OOTA (1:01)
Uptown Funk vs Di-Trouble
Ya know, you were supposed to give more angles than just this head-on, billy. Regardless, there’s clearly no way that your robot can press those forks into the ground while moving forewards, so no, you don’t get under uptown funk :V . instead, it gets under you, and you deal a big ‘ol smack on its flipper panel. Both bots get whapped back, and we reset. It looks like Hii’s going hard for the sides of Di-trouble, trying to get a flip in on the one part of the bot that’s anywhere close to the ground. Billy’s not gonna let him do that easily, though, and turns again to meet uptown funk.
Already from these two big hits, Uptown Funk is not feelin quite as funky. There’s some mean gashes in the flipper panel. Come the next exchange, and hii finally manages to maneuver himself to the side of di-trouble gen, the bot slipping a bit as it tries to turn with him. Hii decides to try and push his opponent instead of flipping as soon as he gets under – maybe trying to get some better positioning – which proves to be a massive mistake, as Di-trouble just… drives off. It’s a huge clone, what did you think was gonna happen :V . anywho Uptown’s trying to flank even more aggressively now, emboldened by it working once. It doesn’t work again, and he’s again forced to eat a big smack from the spinner – and man is that flipper panel starting to look ugly. Will it still work?
The answer appears to be yes, as Hii manages to get under a wheel, this time deigning to flip immediately: he’s nowhere close to the OOTA wall. He pops Di trouble up a fair bit, but it’s not quite enough to get the robot to over-balance and land on the flat sides of its wheels, and it’s all downhill from here for Uptown funk. The next engagement sees UF forced to eat another massive hit to the flipper, and we then start to hear the telltale sounds of gas venting as it lets out a cloud of CO2. it lasts a fair bit longer, but Uptown funk is never really able to find an answer to Di trouble, and eventually it just kinda, stops moving, its upper panel a mural of destruction courtesy of billy.
Your winner, by KO in 1:39, is Di Trouble!
Whirlpool vs Visual Assault
Whirlpool's going inverted for this one, but will that help it? We shall see. The battle starts with Whirlpool trying to spin up before the Breaker-Box-alike exits from hyperspace right in front of it, and it... basically does. VA's still aiming straight for the disc, looking to put that ABR plough right into it, but Frogger's elected not to lead with the disc and is instead trying to get his hinged wedgelets underneath the plough. It even kinda works, with the plough riding up before taking a HUGE HIT THERE from the angled disc spinner. Yeah, it works, and VA gets bounced end over end - but so does Whirlpool, and VA is far quicker to recover, for all that there's a big upward dent in its front wedge. The wedgebot is quick off the mark and shoves its face into the spinner again, taking a much weaker hit as Whirlpool struggled to reset, and this time it's able to stay on the offensive, smacking the world's angriest tricycle into the wall. Whirlpool does the Tombstone Samba around the arena for a bit, which does little more than eat up the clock, and VA is able to keep up - just. Froggo's just about wrestled his spinner under control when VA comes straight in for the disc again, but this time Frog has enough notice to play keep-away with the wedgelets and get spun up fully and OH! That's a nasty hit there! With the lifter's plough up, Whirlpool is able to gyro up and over to the side and smack a huge dent into one of the arms on Visual Assault's lifter! The arm's bent at about a thirty-degree angle and both bots are sent bouncing away from each other. Whirlpool isn't able to capitalise, though, and VA is content to take another weak shot to the plough in order to slam the spinner around the box again and again. Neither bot lets up, but cease is called before either one can get the deciding hit in.
Damage: Whirlpool 5-0 Visual Assault
Aggression: Visual Assault 4-1 Whirlpool
Control: Visual Assault 4-1 Whirlpool
Your winner, by an 8-7 split decision, is Visual Assault!
Abyss vs Pressure Flop
We’ve got two very powerful weapons here. Abyss gets that huge drum going and comes out, tentatively testing how fast Pressure Flop’s turret reacts as it slowly, SLOWLY lumbers out of its starting square. Welcome to the “literally slower than the fucking melties” club bro. Abyss darts forward, Pressure Flop backs away, and Abyss slams on the brakes just before getting into range. Pressure Flop’s only defense against Abyss’s drum is to preemptively get a knockout blow with the hammer, though, and it takes the bait… firing right into Abyss’s drum!
The hammer head is ripped off Pressure Flop and flung into the lexan. Abyss backs off, possibly surprised that it didn’t just get decked, possibly spinning back up for what’s not a guaranteed penalty kick. Pressure Flop, uhh, spins the turret around like a baseball bat, trying to ward off its opponent, but Abyss just times the strike and rushes in, striking the corner and ripping a skirt away. Pressure Flop goes skidding across the arena, and Abyss cruises in for another massive blow, punting the walker ass-over-tea kettle into the wall despite its huge weight advantage. It lands inverted, and stays that way, completely motionless.
Your winner, by knockout in 0:31, is Abyss!
Electron vs Epicer Waluigi
Epicer Waluigi starts by going forward slowly and carefully, spinning up as it gets near Electron, with Electron doing the same by box rushing, but stopping as it's nearing Epicer Waluigi, before trying to bait Epicer Waluigi by moving left and right. However, due to it's traction, it gyroes and overseers too when doing so, as well as being slower in turning than Epicer Waluigi due to wheelbase. Though Epicer Waluigi does also gyro a bit too due to it's weapon power, though it's size, as well as the wheels meant it stays better. Epicer Waluigi goes defensive after getting away from Electron, escaping the faster bot. Fortunately for Epicer Waluigi, however, Electron's traction hindered it. Epicer Waluigi soon plays defensive until 1 minute left, successfully doing it due to the cumbersome driving of Electron and Epicer Waluigi forcing it to do that too much by skidding and turning around constantly
Epicer Waluigi finally goes in for the hit, skidding just in time while spinning up to Electron trying to bait again. As Electron tries to get to one of Epicer Waluigi's side and about to hit it, Epicer Waluigi turns, hitting Electron. Epicer Waluigi flies off, while Electron gets it's wedge warped significantly, and the disc slightly damaged. Epicer Waluigi soon turns again to Electron, which tried to resume it's tactic and get baited, causing further damage. This happens repeatedly with Epicer Waluigi further damaging everything, especially the wedge, removing it. The bot then get quickly launched up and main chassis destroyed with the weapon dying, before the bot ceased to move, and then get counted out with enough time
Winner: Epicer Waluigi by KO (2:55)
Heavyweights:
Ten Transformation Tanuki vs Saturnian Wristwatch
TTT (I ain’t typing that out again) goes for the box rush, while Saturnian Wristwatch gets that blade going and awkwardly strafes out along the wall while being dragged around by its own spinup torque. TTT rams its lance straight into SW’s blade, and while the weapon isn’t at full speed it’s going fast enough to knock TTT aside given that it just shoved a long-ass lever into it. Saturnian Wristwatch bounces off the wall and almost ends up in the other corner, but maneuvers away, building up speed again. TTT charges in, and again gets spun around, and Saturnian Wristwatch is able to get away from the wall, its bar now moving in a blur.
Undaunted, Tanukiboi tries another attack, but again the lance just gets caught by Saturnian Wristwatch and the wedgebot is knocked off course while SW keeps on spinning. That lance is some pretty thick UHMW, and pretty stiff, but it’s just flopping around like a pool noodle under the force of those impacts, and it looks like it’s actually taken a chunk out of it.
TTT keeps attacking and getting beaten aside for almost a solid minute and a half, and the lance is getting more and more mangled, but still keeping Saturnian Wristwatch at bay. It’s also stopping TTT from really controlling the fight that well, but the bot is at least being consistently aggressive. Then, finally, a hit spins the bot around and sends it spinning side-on into SW. There’s a huge impact, SW is sent flying across the arena bouncing and coining, and the remains of TTT’s lance gets flung across the arena and pinged off the high wall after getting torn off at the mounting point.
Ironically this seems to actually improve TTT’s functionality as a wedgebot since it can now actually, y’know, use its wedge, and it does so with great effect, slamming repeatedly into its opponent’s bar, sending sparks and little shards of metal everywhere. After bouncing it off the wall a couple times – that can’t be good for the omni wheels – it’s able to stop the spinner and get under it, then slam it into the corner. Saturnian Wristwatch never really gets up a full head of steam after that, unable to cope with the sheer speed of TTT, but by that point there were only about 45 seconds left in the fight.
However, TTT’s sustained even more damage. Those flat vertical wedgelets have all been either torn off, had chunks cut through them, or been bent sideways, and the right side of the wedge is actually peeled outward as a result of having an edge caught from the inside. I have to ask… WHY would you use that against a horizontal spinner?
Damage: Ten Transformation Tanuki 1, Saturnian Wristwatch 4
Aggression: Ten Transformation Tanuki 4, Saturnian Wristwatch 1
Control: Ten Transformation Tanuki 2, Saturnian Wristwatch 3
Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Saturnian Wristwatch!
MUL-T vs Defenestrator
For this heavyweight bout, we’ve got two bots with massive arms and massive reach going at it to see who’s the strongest and who lasts the longest. There’s an innuendo to be made somewhere in there, but I’ll be steering clear... unlike our combatants, who’ve both decided to forgo the steering in lieu of driving at one another head-on. Defenestrator readies its arm to hook onto MUL-T’s hammer, but the striker seems to be a little trigger-happy tonight, firing straight at the lifting forks on the end of Defenestrator’s claw and slamming down on them -- it seems to be a picture perfect shot, yet the lifter’s jaws have merely been scratched. HFL quickly capitalizes by hooking onto the hammer’s arm with his lifter, and successfully getting him airborne!
...well, not quite, as MUL-T’s back wheels are still able to touch the ground considering the massive reach of the bot. V900 attempts to fire the hooked hammer to no avail, before trying to drive backwards and away, but it doesn’t have the speed or torque to do so. Defenestrator is thus able to hoist the hammerbot upwards and ragdoll it to the corner of the arena, albeit exhausting a fair amount of time doing so.
Once both bots are in the corner, the clamping bot backs off and lowers its arm in preparation for an OOTA, but MUL-T spots the opportunity and slams its deathhammer into the back half of Defenestrator’s lifting arm — this one really leaves a mark, getting caught in the frame of the arm and caving it inwards. The hammer raises up and HFL rushes in to grab MUL-T’s chassis, hoisting the bot upwards, but then V900 nets another hammer shot, this time further back on Defenestrator’s arm, clipping its frame — the armor now appears pretty busted up, and another hit probably does the whole mechanism in. It’s too little too late, however, as HFL has assembled their OOTA Exodia. Defenestrator swivels around and perches MUL-T over the low wall. MUL-T fires its deadly hammer for one last hurrah, busting through his opponent’s arm and taking it out of commission - but just like that, it slips out off Defenestrator’s grasp and falls out of the arena. HFL certainly has some repair work to do, but for now, they’ve also got the crowd on their feet after scoring a show-stopping OOTA KO.
Your winner, by OOTA at 1:31, is Defenestrator!!
Blackburn Kangaroo vs Shadow
Blackburn starts this one out by driving out to the side, while Shadow box-rushes, missing entirely. BK is a little slow to the uptake and Shadow is able to back off before it gets de-wheeled, but only barely. Shadow is able to line up a hit on Blackburn's disc, but he comes out worse for it, sent skidding as BK hops upwards, but otherwise unfazed. Shadow tries going for these trades a couple more times but it never really works out for him, so he instead tries to flank. This move ends up being disastrous. Kangaroo is fast enough to snip his wheels before he can get there, and it ends with foam rubber sprayed across the arena. Still mobile on one side, Shadow tries to make something work but is killed by one more solid hit from Kangaroo.
Blackburn Kangaroo wins by KO in 0:45
Tabor vs Apocalyptic Peacekeeper - HEAVYWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!
Well, both bots pretty much charge straight into each other, and this results in Apocalyptic Peacekeeper’s ladder-dustpan going straight up Tabor’s beak at high speed, and halfway beaching it. It tries to back off, but before it can do so Tabor’s lifter picks it up and rolls it over sideways. It hammers the lifter down on top of it and starts shoving it towards the wall, but AP’s able to lever Tabor off it enough that its back wheels, which are still touching the ground, let it scuttle away and self-right.
Both bots are just going straight at each other, and it pretty much looks like two gigantic mechanical stag beetles fighting – back and forth grappling with their front pokey things without either one getting a decisive advantage. TABOR’s able to get under AP’s lifter and tip it a couple more times, but it’s having some trouble getting it all the way over, and it is right on the edge of faceplanting itself. The turret can’t be everywhere at once with perfect accuracy either, and eventually AP’s able to get to the side of the central spatula and get under the plow. And he’s got a grip! What can TABOR do now as the 4-bar lifter slowly picks it up, the support forks sliding out to stabilize it? Perform a lift of its own, apparently, but neither robot is well-balanced right now. Tabor tries to suplex AP over its head, but with the angle it’s at its weight drags both robots over onto their sides, and AP lets go and raises it’s lifter. Tabor’s back on its wheels first with an acrobatic flip, but the weapon’s upside-down behind the robot and she’s got to bring it over 180 degrees and spin it around to bring it to bear again – and that’s Apocalyptic Peacekeeper’s chance to get under Tabor’s chassis!
Tabor gets hoisted up into the air, with some difficulty and AP really has to slide those forks out to steady itself, but it’s slowly but surely carrying Tabor towards the low wall. Tabor madly flails its lifter back and forth, though, and jostles free before getting into the danger zone.
After a lot more of watching two robots trying very hard to cope with the sheer awkwardness of each other to lift, Tabor has managed to overturn AP a couple more times and bang it into the wall once, and Tabor’s gotten a couple more solid clamps that haven’t really let it get in position to try to get Tabor out. The judges are going to have to decide this.
Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Tabor 3, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 2 (inverting opponent counts as “trivial” damage, and Tabor did this slightly more, this is what you get for having no ties on damage).
Aggression: Tabor 3, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 2
Control: Tabor 3, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper
Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Tabor!
Death Metal vs Blue Zenith
It's the battle of the Tombclones and Danielle looks out for blood - possibly because she wants Hii to know just who the number one Ray Billings fanbeing is. Death Metal drives a lot like Tombstone too, with immediate and relentless aggression as soon as the battle starts. Blue Zenith isn't taking the bait, though, and it's content to spin up before moving towards the centre of the arena. It's very conservative driving, and it results in immediate dividends with a big weapon-to-weapon clash. The problem for Hii is that while BZ's blade does get deflected upwards as per predictions, the much greater reach of DM's bar means it doesn't get deflected into anything important. It's still a hell of an impact, though. Both bots bounce around for a bit, but Death Metal is the first to recover, courtesy of its wider stance. This time, Danielle goes on the offensive, and this time it pays off much better. DM's upside down and that means Blue Zenith, when it goes for another w2w hit, is deflected downwards, thudding into the ground and bouncing up again. Only now, DM was closer. The support bracket is dangerously exposed before this hit and OH! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! DM's bar cleaves through the support tubes for BZ's weapon and the bar is gone! I repeat, the bar is gone! It's stuck in one of the wall extender gaps! BZ's belching smoke and it can't run away very fast and one more hit dispatches it.
Winner: Death Metal, KO by Bah Gawd That Man Had A Family, 01:54
Omnicrap vs Doomerang
This is one of those classic matchups: metlybrain spinner versus 6 wheel omni 4-bar sewer snake style lifter. Omnicrap is a bot after my own heart – far too fast for its own good, front-stacking armor like there’s no tomorrow. Doomerang is ARC’s one consistently successful melty-brain spinner, because for all dylan’s frustrations with his losses, he somehow manages to win consistently with wonky archetypes.
They’re off, the expected rush coming out of omnicrap. Of course Dylan expects it, but he can’t really do that much to get out of his square. He at least manages to hit off the side of the plow. The glancing blow does little damage to omnicrap, but hey he’s at least free. Maxi is quick to get back on the offensive, ramming the plow into the angrily spinning melty again. This time we get a nice slam, and boths bots are knocked back a fair pace. Doomerang’s still spinning though: it’s not really getting knocked upwards by these impacts because of the shape of Omnicrap’s plow. The melty already spins up quite quickly, and the fact that it’s not really having to deal with flying about at awkward angles is letting it stay competitive.
There’s another big hit there Kenny as again both bots go flying. I think I see a small dent in Omnicrap’s plow. Maybe. There’s another few engagements like this, where again neither party is really gaining an edge – not for lack of trying by either party: Omnicrap’s been hot on Doomerang’s ass for a while now, and it’s barely getting up to speed in time. Doomerang’s been trying to strafe its way to the sides of Omnicrap’s plow, but Maxi’s expert driving and decent control are letting him do some sickass strafing maneuvers to counter. Well, right up until he doesn’t. I don’t know if a wheel seized up for a moment, if maxi just screwed up, or what, but omnicrap manages to understeer just enough to let doomerang catch around its back corner, as we come up on the halfway point of the match. the melty rides up on the skirts for a bit, leaving a nasty looking gouge, before hooking onto the back of the plow. There’s a loud SMACK as both bots careen across the arena, doomerang going a bit gyrodance-ey for the first time in the match.
Omnicrap goes out towards the OOTA zone. A meaty chunk of the left top half of omnicrap’s plow finds its way to the blue square. Neither bot seems otherwise that worse for wear, and we go back to same old same old, maxi being just a bit more conservative to, well, conserve the rest of his robot. It certainly seems as though Omnicrap is starting to slow down a bit, as they return to the normal rhythm of ram, impact, separation, repeat: doomerang is getting just the littlest bit more breathing room. This match has gone on for over two minutes now: that’s a long time for any robot to take this sort of a beating, though there’s still no visual signs of damage. Other than that giant hole in the side of its plow – oh! Doomerang aaaalmost gets another hit there on the plow’s corner: you can see the impact mark just below the big ‘ol chunk he took out earlier.
It’s at this point that things really go downhill for omnicrap, as its front left wheel fully seizes up. Looks like that might have not been a driver error earlier: and this is a big deal for a bot like omnicrap: when you start to lose omniwheels, you lose your ability to strafe properly in addition to the usual shitty situation. Maxi’s making the best of things though. Forced completely on the defensive, but still surviving to the end, Omnicrap’s made a pretty good showing – but it could never fully control the wily doomerang: and the judges will remember that.
Aggression: 4-1 Omnicrap
Damage: 4-1 Doomerang
Control: 3-2 Doomerang
Your winner, in a split decision, is DOOMERANG!
Night Jackal vs Hellhound
Hi. The name's Laz. Eat a dick. This is my robot Jackass and today I'm facing Ethan and his bot Go Fuck Yourself Big bar spins up and it looks like it's been put in overcutter mode for this match. Hellhound goes full Mazda zoom-zoom as Night Jackal turns to keep his wheel near Hellhound. Looks like the blade is at full speed and Hellhound gets under (no surprise) and the blade sends NJ spinning away. Oooo gyro tricks....awww Hellhound had to ruin the fun. Wall slam, pin. Wall slam, pin. Etc, etc. One hit bounces NJ away and it finally gets itself spinning. Clang! Head on assault. But now NJ is skipping off the blow. Bapbapbapbapbapbap. And off he goes. The blade lost some speed after hitting the plow, but there's quite a few clean cuts and gashes on the top panel, and one of the real wheels has been cut to shreds. Hellhound is hobbling along but is still able to stuff NJ and knock it away. The buzzer sounds and that's all we got.
Aggression: 4-1 Hellhound
Damage: 5-0 Night Jackal
Control: 5-0 Hellhound
Hellhound wins 9-6
Sideswipe vs V2
V2 comes out of the starting corner confidently and meets Sideswipe near the middle of the arena. Normally here, we’d play a boring game of “Which bot angles in the angle-iest?” but Sideswipe didn’t come here to play games and schwoops the turret lifter in from the side just as V2‘s fork gets under a front tooth. Luckily for V2, its spinning weapon clips said tooth just enough to knock the two bots apart before Sideswipe can complete Phase 2™ of its master plan. The rest of the fight is a bit slower now that Billy knows to watch for that maneuver, neither bot approaching quite as recklessly after the earlier mutual near miss. V2 starts going directly after the lifter wedge after a while, which kinda works at first and forces Sideswipe on the defensive, but V2 still get seem to get enough bite against the lifter wedge when it does get under to do much other than makes sparks or kick the bots apart. Sideswipe finally gets a break when V2 overcommits to another angling in attempt at the front wedge, schwoops the lifter in from the side once again, lifts, turns, lifts... he’s put V2 over! Can V2 drive inverted? Yes! Kinda. It’s, uh, not graceful at all, but it’s enough to avoid a countout. Good enough for me. Unfortunately, Sideswipe only has about 15 seconds to do anything with this before the buzzer signals the end of the match. Was the strong showing at the end enough for Sideswipe to take this, or will the judges prefer V2‘s more consistent aggression?
Aggression: 3-2 V2
Damage: 3-2 V2
Strategy: 3-2 Sideswipe
After some deliberation, the judges have returned a split decision in favor of V2!
Featherweights:
Black Dog vs Mudcrab - FEATHERWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!
A matchup of filthy creatures. But which will fight the dirtiest? Mudcrab's going in one claw forwards, one back. Black Dog spins up and charges in, with Mudcrab, also up to speed, meeting it in the middle. Black Dog turns a little to the right just before it slams into Mudcrab, hoping to clip one of Mudcrab's forks, but this just results in Mudcrab hitting Black Dog's corner instead. As the turn had raised the corner up a little, Mudcrab even gets a lucky hit on Black Dog's left fork, bending it upwards and flipping Black Dog over backwards. That fork won't be wedging any more, but Black Dog's got lots more and is still spinning. It turns and charges Mudcrab again as Mudcrab comes in, hoping to bite off a wheel, and the drum-to-drum impact flips it backwards again, setting it upright once more.
Both are now trying to outdrive the other and get in a good hit without being hit in return. Mudcrab seems better controlled, and has less gyro to deal with, but it's still not finding a good angle of attack given Black Dog's wide drum. Still you've got to attack at some point, so it goes in. Another drum-to-drum clash sends Mudcrab flying this time, with a bit of a gash in its drum. Black Dog follows up quickly with another hit, but its drum wasn't at full speed and so it's just taking a small chunk out of Mudcrab's rear wheel. The rest of the match passes similarly, with neither competitor able to get a knock out blow, but both taking damage. Black Dog finally gets the hit to Mudcrab's fork that it was looking for, taking one out, but knocks Mudcrab over with the same hit. Its forks, meawhile, are also looking pretty tattered as well.
Both drivers end frustrated they couldn't hit the other out, but they're too skilled to give the other the opportunity. The judges will have to decide this one...
Damage: 3-2 Black Dog
Control: 3-2 Mudcrab
Aggression: 3-2 Black Dog
A very close decision give you your winner, Black Dog.
The Terrible Toad Twins vs Found God in a Tomato
Fuck, that's a mouthful of a match name. Anyway, all three bots get up to speed, the toad duo tucked neatly together, advancing side by side, in what I'm going to arbitrarily dub as Black Dog Formation. Meanwhile, Tomato sort of wiggles on its way out, colliding with the left frog and shunting it away somewhat. The right frog manages to dash in for a solid hit, tossing the somewhat spun-down ring spinner up and over in the air, as the other frog reels from the impact, a hefty gash along their front. The intact frog keeps up its assault on Tomato, throwing it up a second time, as its buddy comes back in to join in on the fun, the two juggling hits between one another. Throughout this, Tomato isn't being given an inch to spin up for a good twenty-odd seconds, though eventually manages to squeak away for a bit. The toads reform the Black Dog Formation, approaching again, this time the bots colliding weapon to weapon, the same frog being hit once more, getting spun away and starting to smoke up. The remaining toad goes ham, throwing Tomato once more, spraying what looks like a little plastic across the floor as Tomato lands. It would seem that one of the omnidrive wheels on Tomato has shattered, leaving rollers strewn across the floor. A third hit from the remaining frog sends Tomato up and over again, breaking off more rollers, and seemingly stopping the disk. Tomato attempts to shuffle away, but it turns out it's pretty hard to mover with three half-wheels, eventually leading to a count-out.
The Terrible Toad Twins win by KO in 1:42!
OwO bot 2000 vs Mekabu
This fight basically starts as your stereotypical “2 verts circling around each other trying to find an opponent for like 30 seconds without doing anything” fight. Finally the two come in approximately head-on, with Mekabu trying to get its forks under the sides of OWOBot 2000’s, but it’s Mekabu who gets popped up in the air. It lands upright but OWObot comes right in with another smack that tosses it onto its back. Mekabu flees, but isn’t able to get enough distance to safely self-right and has to just point its discs at OWObot and hope for the best as it charges in.
And Mekabu gets sent flying again. It’s righted this time, but there’s a nick in its wedge and one of the long side forks has lost its tip. It goes in aggressively though, and after a couple of inconsequential exchanges OWObot’s fork rides up into the discs and it gets tossed about ten feed backwards in a 360 backflip. Now one of OWObot’s forks has been bent upward a bit. Will that cause problems for it?
Yes, it appears it will! There’s another big hit by Mekabu that sends OWOBot 2000 careening onto its back. The disc kicks it back over, but as it bounces down it’s at a really bad angle and gets hit in the side. It’s launched again, wobbling from gyroscopic precession, and bounces onto is back again, the disc clattering to a stop. It’s just barely limping around, but the disc isn’t a very effective skid and it can’t maneuver that well. Mekabu circles around a bit, sizing it up, and tries to attack the side but isn’t able to get much of a bite. It backs up, lines up again, and charges – oh, and OWOBot 2000 was nearly sent out of the arena. It comes down on its wheels and runs away, but the disc isn’t spinning up. Uhh… I think the belt might be gone?
In any case, OWOBot puts up a heroic fight with its forks, managing to get under Mekabu a couple times and once jam a fork against its opponent’s shaft collar and keep the discs at bay. However, eventually Mekabu’s able to get a solid hit that punts it over the high wall and out.
Your winner, by OOTA in 2:03, is Mekabu!
Sixpounder vs Kirby
If you have to remind the writer that your bot isn't technically breaking any rules, that says something about your robot building. But that's none of my business. (Sips tea.)
Anywho, you've got a wacky, colorful, strafing Kirb with a star-rod Chomp hammer against an overly detailed chrome hot rod. The hot rod's put a railing on top of its plow to stop the hammer, which gives it confidence as it charges in to slam Kirbo against the wall. Kirby's mecanum-strafing slowly around the arena, hammer at the ready, and as it gets slammed fires away lustily. Kirby's body lurches into the air as the shaft of the hammer slams down onto the hammer-blocking rail, giving it a neat new V-shape look, sort of like angry eyebrows. Sixpounder lifts Kirby up against the wall, but Kirby fires its hammer again, dealing a lighter blow to the plow as it careens off sideways. The plow lowers and Sixpounder chases after it, catching up before Kirby can aim its hammer properly, but as it gets shoved gets another hit in before it its slammed into the wall once more.
Sixpounder is able to stay in control the entire match, but its shiny, smooth chrome plow is starting to look more like a mustache, and a lucky hit from Kirby has also partially seized one of its front wheels. Alex looks apprehensive as the fight goes to the judges.
Damage: 5-0 Kirby
Control: 4-1 Sixpounder
Aggression: 3-2 Sixpounder
A surprisingly close 8-7 decision gives the fight to your winner, Kirby!
Idiot Triangle vs Antbar and SawnDisc
So Billy has one good point here: Idiot Triangle is slow. The upside here is that the cluster can pretty well control when and where they get hit. The downside, as is about to be relevant, is that when you're that slow, accidentally driving into the wall is near impossible, which puts a stop to the baiting tactics very early. Billy goes to his next best plan of sacrificing SawnDisc to slow Idiot Triangle down. SawnDisc does not take the hit well at all: the weapon has a chunk taken out of it, and it looks like some important internal components have been OOTA'd. Idiot Triangle bounces away, into a wall, almost to another, and for a moment it looks like Antbar may just have a chance to do some real damage, but even at partial speed, Idiot Triangle hits just a bit too hard for Antbar's armor. The first hit isn't too bad, thanks to Antbar's weapon armor, but Antbar fails to secure an OOTA and by the time it's recovered from recoil, Idiot Triangle is almost at top speed again. The next hit punts Idiot Triangle back a fair way, but the impact seems to have killed Antbar's weapon. Idiot Triangle takes advantage of the distance created by the recoil to spin up to lethal speeds, and the next hit seals the match.
Idiot Triangle wins by KO in 1:22
HardWired vs What's the Scoop
The crowd lights up as the big chair on wheels is carted into the box for the first time, the novelty of such a unique design not being lost on them as it quickly becomes the crowd favorite. It stares down a fairly bog-standard looking vertical spinner, whose driver isn't really sure what he's looking at, but he knows he wants to win. It's robot fighting time.
HW3 gets spun up right off the bat as WTS charges across the arena at it. Scoop charges up the wedge to monster-truck over HW3, but the lower robot angles slightly as the two meet. unfortunately for Ethan, his robot's disc is unable to get much purchase on the slippery chair, and WTS sails up and over the spinner, getting to its back end. Scoop starts to turn, its wheels slipping on the steel floor as it fights its long narrow wheelbase. By the time he's even close to turned around, HardWired is already attacking its wheel. Once again, the plastic flexes, keeping Ethan from gaining the upper hand he desperately wants. This sort of back-and-forth goes on for a while until the spinner finally catches something on What's the Scoop, popping it onto its back wheels as it torques itself upside-down. Wham tries to use this to his advantage, slotting his big upside-down scoop against the vertical spinner so he can start pushing, but his front wheels are too far forward and he ends up slipping up the wedge again. This time, though, Ethan's angling trick is able to bite that big corner on top, sending WTS into a barrel roll, where it lands on its side. WTS flails around for a while while HW3 has fun laying into it, but eventually the fight comes to an end.
Aggression: 3-2 HardWired III
Damage: 5-0 HardWired III
Strategy: 3-2 Hardwired III
HardWired III wins an 11-4 decision.
Entropic Degeneration vs Black Salvo
There’s a reason I’ve been stalling on writing this and it’s because ED confuses me. Why does it have… any of the things it has in this combination of them :V. well at any rate Black Salvo comes out aggressive and ED is waiting with open arms – open enough that its wedges are on the ground, but also so far open that Salvo is able to get underneath the crusher arm and start shoving ED about far before Rocket can think about getting those slow crusher arms around BS. She still tries, mind you, but it just kinda puts her at a wonkier angle that prevents the saw from doing much of anything. And honestly, that’s kinda just the fight in a nutshell – ED tries to get stuff done, and there are some saw marks in the top of BS by the time the match is over, but mostly the slow and complex bot is comprehensively out-driven by the simple rambot, and there’s really no doubt in anyone’s mind where the JD is going.
Aggression: 4-1 Black Salvo
Damage: 3-2 Entropic Degeneration
Control: 4-1 Black Salvo
Your winner, in a 10-5 decision, is Black Salvo!
Beaned vs Post Traumatic Stress
Right so fragile multibot vs big fuckspinner of doom. This should be a pretty easy match to deci- aaaaand w0lf didn't RP.
...or, wait, yes he did. Turns out these MENSA-level gentlemen put their strategies in two different threads! What rascals these guys are.
Anyway, Post Trumatic Stress revs up and gets the ever-recognizable death hum going, while YSM basically goes "Brick, I choose you!" and has it charge at PTS. Will it be able to withstand the force of PTS' ~100something pound* weapon?!
*haha oops this is FW, so probably 10-15 lbs or something along those lines
Answer is: no, BRICK isn't able to stop a weapon heavier than it. PTS' blade comes awfully close to swiping at the main chassis, but instead grabs a hold of the wedge's side panelling and flings it across the floor. It lasts a few more hits before the 6 armor chassis finally takes a direct shot and shatters like glass.
And then one of the other two sub-5-armor bots gets tapped once and dies. Let's go with... coin flip real quiiick... Coso. Yeah, that one. The GIANT SAW snaps into something like 4-5 pieces and one of said pieces lodges itself into an arena light. Mini Something, wanting to go out on its own terms, uses the clamp-lifter weapon to OOTA itself.
Post Trumatic Stress wins by part-KO part-surrender in 1:27.
Lightweights:
Hard News vs Madscience
Madscience starts spinning up and spewing flame while Hard News box rushes... and also spins up. The first hit sends Madscience about halfway up the high wall behind it before careening into the center of the arena, slowed down significantly but otherwise looking fine. Hard News was less lucky, having been flung sideways, completed a full roll to (thankfully) land right-side up, and showing some wobble on the weapon - it looks as though a small chunk broke off the tip of the bar. Madscience is able to get up to full speed, still flaming like a troll on Reddit or 4chan or whatever is popular these days. Hard News attempts to get the weapon back up to speed, but the coining from the damage on the first hit results in a hard-to-drive bot. Madscience slowly creeps at Hard News while Wham desperately tries to get control of his bot back with mild success. This may be the slowest-moving chase I've ever mentally applied the Benny Hill theme to. They do eventually meet one more time, and well... you look at these weapon and armor stats and tell me what you think happened :V
Madscience wins by KO in 1:01
Flipcake vs Ilwoon
The two bots size each other up, Flipcake’s flipper against the, uh… flywheel hammer spinner thing of Ilwoon? How the fuck does this robot work? It’s making an ominous humming noise, but the weapon is dangling from its supports like a clock pendulum, deceptively calm. A slight bit of wheel lift as Ilwoon turns to keep Flipcake away from its side betrays the real danger, though. Or something. Assuming it actually works. Anyway, Flipcake’s trying really hard to get to Ilwoon’s side, but not getting away with it, and ends up getting under it. The hammer comes to life with a violent jolt, swinging around a full 360 degrees, popping both bots in the air from the force, and… glances harmlessly off of Flipcake’s wedge. It’s got the power, but it doesn’t have that much reach, especially with that tooth geometry. It’s really going to have to get Flipcake WAY up on that wedge to get a good hit.
Anyway, after some more back and forth jockeying for position, Flipcake goes for Ilwoon’s corner but gets wedged again. Ilwoon this time learns its lesson and guns it for the nearest wall, sliding way under Flipcake and high-centering it, but as it fires Flipcake uses its own flipper. Ilwoon’s counterweight hits the arm as it raised, pushing the bot into the air, there’s another solid but ineffectual blow on the flipping wedge, and the combination of the two weapons’ action sends Ilwoon tumbling up and over onto its side.
Flipcake backs off and takes a victory spin. Ilwoon’s wheels don’t touch the ground in that position, the weapon I’m not sure about. Let’s see. The bot’s hum turns into a whine, and there’s the shot! The hammer doesn’t hit the floor, but it sends the bot rocking back and forth like a bar spinner that’s broken in half as the hammer spins madly, but it eventually flops back onto its side. For about five seconds it sits there, and there’s an exasperated gesture from the ref before the countdown starts, but the weapon fires again. It’s not pretty, in fact it’s awkward as hell, but Ilwoon slams the counterweight and then the main hammer into the floor in rapid succession as the weapon whips around, and manages to just barely kick itself up and over its rear wedge and back onto its wheels.
Flipcake wasn’t expecting that. It’s going back to the same going for the sides strategy, and finally gets under, getting under Ilwoon and tossing it in the air again – unfortunately onto its face, where a well-timed shot from the hammer easily rights it. And after a bit Ilwoon gets in again, and this time slams the weapon down right on top of Flipcake’s flipper mechanism. This is the part where a normal hammer would retract its weapon… which Ilwoon can’t do because it only goes one way. It settles for pinning Flipcake against the wall while it spins its flywheel back up, then backs off, comes in again under Flipcake’s side, and gets another huge hit. Flipcake’s stuck going in circles, and not well enough to crab across the floor. I think this is over!
The ref counts Flipcake out, and Ilwoon promptly celebrates by dry-firing the hammer and flops onto its side in the process.
Your winner, by knockout in 1:45, is Ilwoon!
Y.V. vs Admiral
Y.V. first starts the fight by rushing to Admiral. Admiral however, tried to get away from Y.V., baiting it to steer to the side instead. Y.V. does it, and it overseers from that, so Admiral flips it, sending Y.V. high into the air, before it lands. Fortunately, Y.V. lands the right way up in the end, and didn't go OOTA. After this, Y.V. decided to aggressively go to Admiral head on, succeeding in it. Both bots initially, interlock, but then Y.V. gets the better of the wedge war and outwedged Admiral. However, Y.V. has a little bit of problem pushing Admiral with the wheel setup, though it still can do it effectively to prevent Admiral from escaping at least, lifting the lifter slightly to prevent Admiral from escaping, before slamming it to the wall at high speed and lifting Admiral again quickly, overturning it.
Admiral soon tries to self right, but Y.V. is able to catch it, before repeating the slam and lift. Y.V. is successful in this regard as Admiral is helpless. Then, one minute left, while Admiral does get some damage from all the slams, it still works decently, and it tries to bait Y.V. to turn again, successfully forcing another slight oversteer that Admiral exploits, flipping Y.V. around. This time, Y.V. is inverted, but quickly self rights, though Admiral catches and flip it again. It's not that optimal this time though, and Y.V. goes back to it's wheel. Y.V. finally decided to strafe around Admiral, and goes head on again, outwedging Admiral for another slam and lift. Admiral nearly J-hooks out, but Y.V. lifts Admiral in response, before wedging it again. Y.V. soon get Admiral to the low wall, slamming and lifting it out of the arena. However, before Admiral can get out fully, the time runs out, though Y.V. can't stop the lifter in time, so it goes to judge's decision regardless of the OOTA
Judge's Decision:
Damage: 3-2 Y.V.
Control: 3-2 Y.V.
Agression: 3-2 Y.V.
Winner: Y.V. by JD (9-6)
Nuclear Plague vs Hallucinogen - LIGHTWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!
We have two near-identical bots with identical stats and very similar strategies. Ready to see how this plays out? Me too. They both want to go weapon-to-weapon, so they do. Nuclear Plague gets the better of the first exchange, marginally. While damage is identical for both bots, Hallucinogen gets popped up into the air and gets forced into playing defense upon landing. Following a few more of those types of hits, HFL decides weapon-to-weapon isn't worth it anymore and starts zigzagging at his opponent to get an angle on the forks. Guess what Nuclear Plague does in response: nearly the exact same thing to try and force more head-on collisions. This approach method works out much better for Hallucinogen, who gets in some nice hits that don't really do a whole lot of damage but still look good to the judges. I guess I should point out now, they're both trying to flip each other, and neither is really succeeding, so they just keep on hitting each other and racking up shock damage. By the end up the fight, both weapons have slowed down slightly from all the shock damage adding up, but even as the buzzer rings they get one last hit on each other and launch themselves into opposite walls for a dramatic finish to a tense fight.
Aggression: 3-2 Nuclear Plague
Damage: 3-2 Nuclear Plague
Strategy: 3-2 Nuclear Plague
Nuclear Plague wins by a 9-6 judge's decision!
Storm Worm vs Star Spangled
Both bots go straight for each other. Storm Worm pressed it's lifters in the ground to outwedge Star Spangled, while Star Spangled moves at the same speed, but still slower than Storm Worm, which accelerated quicker. So far, the 2WD static wedge of Star Spangled is fine. Star Spangled, however, then tried to angle in on Storm Worm, so Storm Worm reacted accordingly, but oversteered a bit. This allows Star Spangled to get underneath, but Storm Worm quickly escapes. Storm Worm then gets baited by Star Spangled, which drives slowly to the lifter, only to back off and escape at full speed. At this time, Storm Worm also reacted by lifting, so Storm Worm backs off at quicker speed in an attempt to reset it's lifter and press it again, while Star Spangled give chase, eventually getting to the same speed. Storm Worm doesn't have time, and it gets outwedged. However, Storm Worm fires it's flipper and lifters as well as back off to free itself, though it still catch a little mistimed flip, as Storm Worm is able to back off pretty quickly, from Star Spangled that throws it forward a bit.
Storm Worm, however, recovered after landing the right way up from the flip, and then, pressing it's lifters, it doesn' t fall from the same trick that Star Spangled do again, as well as being able to get around the angle in attempt and wedge it head on. Star Spangled then get flipped a bit by Storm Worm, with Storm Worm immediately getting under again, before flipping again, this time throwing Star Spangled over it's back. Storm Worm then gets under Star Spangled as it tries to self right, and immediately lifts as Star Spangled is about to fall into the lifters. Lifted up, Star Spangled is taken to the wall and pinned against it for 10 seconds while Storm Worm lowers the lifter as the timer is about to run out, before quickly getting under Star Spangled again before it can recover. Storm Worm then pushed Star Spangled to the low wall, pinning it there again. Finally, Storm Worm, backing up for the final time, is able to accelerate quickly to Star Spangled before it can recover yet again, and used it's lifters and flipper in conjunction, getting Star Spangled out of the arena.
Winner: Storm Worm by OOTA (1:58)
Venice Queen vs <3
VQ starts out and attempts to flank but Maxi makes that not easy with this mecanum drive. VQ also has to be wary of those side-hammers which could pack a punch to Queen’s vulnerable side armor. The two bots circle for a bit before VQ sees an opening and angles in. Maxi fires the hammer, but it hits part of VQ’s front armor, and bounces off harmlessly. The hammers retract and ready to fire again as quickly as possible, but Venice Queen is already there and slipping under <3’s forks and lifts up.
Maxi fires the hammers again, but only the base of the hammers hits VQ and doesn’t do any damage, but the impact is enough that VQ loses its grip on and Maxi quickly retreats, hammers retracting.
Both bots set up again, but Maxi retreats for the nearby wall to try to prevent VQ from getting another good angle on him. Only problem here is that it will be hard to fire those hammers, but Maxi is playing the defensive game, now. VQ goes for a side, and to face him. Fine, except that Maxi temporarily forgets his proximity to the wall as he fires the hammers, causing his bot to ‘kick out’ from the wall due to the weapon impacting it. VQ gets the opening that he’s been waiting patiently for and slips under with the lifter, again.
VQ then has up on its back against the wall, and this is the low wall. VQ tries for the OOTA, but Maxi retracts the hammers and they act a bit like self-righters as they cause to fall over to one side off of VQ’s lifter. VQ immediately gets back under before the hammers can fully reset and pins/lifts again until the ref calls for pin release. Both bots then move out towards the center of the arena and engage in some cat-and-mouse tactics. VQ teasing to fire its hammers and getting clipped one or two more times. Then, time is called.
This one is going to the judges-
Damage: 3-2 <3
Control: 3-2 Venice Queen
Aggression: 3-2 Venice Queen
Your winner, by a 8-7 Judges’ decision, is Venice Queen!
OverCutter vs Circuitz
THE BOX IS LOCKED THE LIGHTS ARE ON IT'S ROBOT FIGHTING TI- oh for fuck's sake these two guys seriously both wrote 400-worders for this 3-armor-bot meme fight. I mean, does it *really* matter if I write this match, given one of the competitors ragequit? Right? So I'm opting out of this one. G'night everybody!
...what do you mean "I'm under contract"? That's some bullshit, but hey whatever life's full of bullshit. IT'S ROBOT FIGHTING TIME.
Overcutter hustles itself forward a few feet while Circuitz teleports halfway across the arena. I think one of these bots may be slightly faster than the other. Jules, knowing that one hit means taking 12-damage-instant-obliteration, is sure NOT to ram in headfirst and instead starts drifting all the way around Overcutter. There's a few close calls, with Circuits straying dangerously close to the blade multiple times. After some lol eurobeat ecks dee action, Circuitz gets behind a gyro'ing Overcutter and goes for the sauce, NYOOMing in at a speed that's best described as "really, really fast". The flip, while not all too effective on it's own, is exponentially enhanced by the ram Circuits delivers and the fact that Overcutter immediately takes off like a goddamn helicopter on impact. Launch pad 1, we are a go. Overcutter lands just short of the wall... but then bounces off the ground and lands outside the arena. Eh, I guess that counts.
Circuitz wins by TKO in 0:56.
P.S. to Jules, if I have to play hide-and-go-seek to find your config buried at the bottom of some imgur album, you're probably doing it wrong.
Dubior Jr. vs PneumatiX
This fight is a tale of two inevitables in classic robot wars style. In the red, we have unstoppable power: Dubior Jr.’s monster flipper, incredible drivetrain, and complete lack of armor. In the blue, Pneumatix, with the superior wedge style: Can Pneumatix survive long enough to get its own KO? Will dubior land any monster flips? Find out, after the commercial break.
[off mic but returning, sounding hustled] what do you mean I have to read the commercials? This isn’t the 1930s!
sigh … Have you ever felt like your horse is too shy? Ridden it into battle only to discover that a single fired cannon or landing artillery shot spooked the hell out of it? Well then do I have the horse training class for you! Come on down to 4th and state’s petsmart and enroll in Henry Derringer’s newest innovative class; Bombproof Your Horse: Teach Your Horse to be Confident, Obedient and Safe No Matter What You Encounter!”
And we’re back! The box is locked and we’re ready to go, so let’s get to it. Both bots are out aggressive, slamming into each other. PneumatiX wins out, and tries to shove Dubior towards the short wall. With no other option, Tri guns it straight up and over, and just barely avoids the early surprise OOTA. They both face off in the neutral for a very short while, before they just go face to face again. PneumatiX gets under, and turns this into a nice little run on of bullying for quite a bit before Dubior manages to get control of things again. This time Tri tries to angle in and gets a swipe – but can’t get fully under. PneumatiX ends up winning out on the next major exchange, and again he snowballs things greatly – nearly getting the OOTA – before dubior manages to force neutral again.
Once again it’s given up quickly, dubior firing excitedly as soon as it looked like he might have gotten under from a corner. His whole body is flung upwards from the power of the flip, and PneumatiX is able to dig deep under and deliver a big slam and flip that is, unfortunately for him, up into a tall wall. Dubior flops free and escapes, but pnuematiX is able to track him down again, and delivers a series of flips, out-wedges, and pins that see the last minute or so of the match lie squarely in its favor. That is, until the very end – Dubior manages to finally get under and deliver that absolute MONSTER of a flip it can give – but PneumatiX lands just on the edge of the wall as time expires.
Aggression: 3-2 PneumatiX
Damage: 3-2 PneumatiX
Control: 3-2 PneumatiX
Your winner, in a 9-6 decision , is PneumatiX!
Middleweights:
Hati vs Lethal Target
Hati doesn't fall for LT's 'reverse and swerve' tactics and uses his control advantage to angle in on the spinner, stuffing its blade with only minimal damage. Hati easily high-centers LT and slams him into the arena walls, then tries to take him to the low wall to send LT OOTA. He gets LT up onto its back, but can't quite get it over. Hati then backs off as the referee calls for the pin release. LT manages to get back onto its wheels again and spins up its weapon, but Hati is right there to stuff it into the walls again.
And this goes on for the rest of the match. Impenetrable brick vs not-so quite optimized horizontal spinner.
Damage: 3-2 Lethal Target
Control: 4-1 Hati
Aggression: 4-1 Hati
Hati wins by 10-5 Judges' Decision!
Don't Strangle the Martian Horses vs NKC - MIDDLEWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!
Both bots come out pretty aggressively. Martian Horses is strafing and weaving back and forth, the flywheel whirring up to speed, and is initially able to get in a hammer blow on the top of NKC’s plow, but that pops it up and lets NKC get under it and start shoving it towards the wall. It carefully lifts, and the saw starts to bite in, but DstMH fires the hammer the other direction into the floor and jostles itself free. It’s off the lifter now, but NKC keeps up the pursuit, wedging it again before it can spin back up and getting it against the wall. It brings the saw down, but in the process its lifter tips MH sideways and it ends up cutting into the side panel – for a few seconds, before MH fires its hammer again, and actually sneaks it around the side of the plow and knocks off one of NKC’s decorative exhaust pipes.
Again MH is free, but NK is just not letting up on that aggression, and MH is spending a lot of its time backing away, strafing around, and trying to get space to get in hammer blows, and it is getting a decent number of hits, but most of them are on NKC’s very sturdy plow, and every time it fires, that’s an opening for NKC to attack. On the other hand NKC hasn’t been able to really get definitive long-term contact with its saw because NH keeps either retaliating with hammer blows or using its weapon in the other direction and just vaulting itself off of NKC. The problem is it keeps overturning itself by doing that.
Finally MH actually turns around and tries to use its flipper end, but it’s still having so much trouble dealing with the very long reach of NKC’s forks – firing its flipper up into the saw is dangerous, though! There’s a shower of sparks, and NKC’s arm gets wrenched back by the power of that flip! It’s hard to tell but it looks like the blade might be bent or twisted, but after a bit of stuttering it does spin back up, and MH has now flipped itself over. The hammer’s still fully functional, but it takes a cut into one of its wheels before it can free itself again.
There’s a lot more of the two bots basically jabbing at each other, and nearly a self-OOTA from MH when it tries to launch itself free of NKC’s wedge while it’s near the wall, but nothing decisive. NKC’s saw blade is warped and missing some teeth, and the arm looks like it might’ve gotten torqued sideways, but other than that it’s only taken cosmetic damage. MH, on the other hand, has gotten its armor severely gouged up, but not actually cut through, and the only functional impairment is that its front wheels have some rollers torn up or bent.
Judges’ Decision:
Damage: NKC 2, DstMH 3
Aggression: NKC 4, DstMH 1
Control: NKC 4, DstMH 1
Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is NKC!
Dragonfist vs Hurricane
Dragonfist gets up to speed as Hurricane tries its best to go "FAST AS FUCK BOIIIIIIII", but by the time it meets with DF it's already fully spooled up. The resulting collision goes about as well as you could expect, with the flails knocking Hurricane's flipper away and doing some pretty serious damage to the flipper arm. With no backup plan, Hurricane continues to try to rush in on the spinner, but gets a nice face-lift for its efforts, with the flipper removed from its hinges and flung into the corner. With the flipper now removed, Dragonfist's flails now reach over the chassis and begin battering the tires, and it's soon after this that Hurricane finds it can no longer move in a straight line, or even at all. With its opponent reduced to a barely-mobile husk, Dragonfist swings for the fences and blows Hurricane's left-front wedgelet clean off the rest of the bot, followed by the barely twitching wheel it was guarding. Hurricane is counted out.
Dragonfist wins by KO at 1:10
White Cat vs Der Adder
White Cat first starts the match by trying to bait Der Adder to the low wall as Der Adder starts the match by trying to box rush White Cat and outwedging it aggressively. White Cat is near the low wall, being perpendicular to it, when it turned around and go forward seconds before Der Adder hits, having to do it as it doesn't have time. Both bots then hit as Der Adder gets underneath White Cat, and both are sent flying. White Cat fortunately doesn't get sent out, but it lands on it's back and with the drum facing away, while Der Adder is inverted. Der Adder soon goes on offensive again, so White Cat immediately goes for Der Adder's front, turning in time to face it, while the latter tries to force a hit on the drum too. Both bots are sent flying again, landing the right way for both. However, at this point, Der Adder is near the low wall, so White Cat tries to force a collision with Der Adder again, which tries to escape from the low wall with it's quicker speed. After outrunning White Cat safely, the hit happens again. Another hit ensues, this time with White Cat only having one more hit, while Der Adder is inverted again near the low wall. The final hit happens, and this time, Der Adder gets thrown out of the arena as White Cat's weapon died and started to smoke
Winner: White Cat by OOTA (1:01)
Uptown Funk vs Di-Trouble
Ya know, you were supposed to give more angles than just this head-on, billy. Regardless, there’s clearly no way that your robot can press those forks into the ground while moving forewards, so no, you don’t get under uptown funk :V . instead, it gets under you, and you deal a big ‘ol smack on its flipper panel. Both bots get whapped back, and we reset. It looks like Hii’s going hard for the sides of Di-trouble, trying to get a flip in on the one part of the bot that’s anywhere close to the ground. Billy’s not gonna let him do that easily, though, and turns again to meet uptown funk.
Already from these two big hits, Uptown Funk is not feelin quite as funky. There’s some mean gashes in the flipper panel. Come the next exchange, and hii finally manages to maneuver himself to the side of di-trouble gen, the bot slipping a bit as it tries to turn with him. Hii decides to try and push his opponent instead of flipping as soon as he gets under – maybe trying to get some better positioning – which proves to be a massive mistake, as Di-trouble just… drives off. It’s a huge clone, what did you think was gonna happen :V . anywho Uptown’s trying to flank even more aggressively now, emboldened by it working once. It doesn’t work again, and he’s again forced to eat a big smack from the spinner – and man is that flipper panel starting to look ugly. Will it still work?
The answer appears to be yes, as Hii manages to get under a wheel, this time deigning to flip immediately: he’s nowhere close to the OOTA wall. He pops Di trouble up a fair bit, but it’s not quite enough to get the robot to over-balance and land on the flat sides of its wheels, and it’s all downhill from here for Uptown funk. The next engagement sees UF forced to eat another massive hit to the flipper, and we then start to hear the telltale sounds of gas venting as it lets out a cloud of CO2. it lasts a fair bit longer, but Uptown funk is never really able to find an answer to Di trouble, and eventually it just kinda, stops moving, its upper panel a mural of destruction courtesy of billy.
Your winner, by KO in 1:39, is Di Trouble!
Whirlpool vs Visual Assault
Whirlpool's going inverted for this one, but will that help it? We shall see. The battle starts with Whirlpool trying to spin up before the Breaker-Box-alike exits from hyperspace right in front of it, and it... basically does. VA's still aiming straight for the disc, looking to put that ABR plough right into it, but Frogger's elected not to lead with the disc and is instead trying to get his hinged wedgelets underneath the plough. It even kinda works, with the plough riding up before taking a HUGE HIT THERE from the angled disc spinner. Yeah, it works, and VA gets bounced end over end - but so does Whirlpool, and VA is far quicker to recover, for all that there's a big upward dent in its front wedge. The wedgebot is quick off the mark and shoves its face into the spinner again, taking a much weaker hit as Whirlpool struggled to reset, and this time it's able to stay on the offensive, smacking the world's angriest tricycle into the wall. Whirlpool does the Tombstone Samba around the arena for a bit, which does little more than eat up the clock, and VA is able to keep up - just. Froggo's just about wrestled his spinner under control when VA comes straight in for the disc again, but this time Frog has enough notice to play keep-away with the wedgelets and get spun up fully and OH! That's a nasty hit there! With the lifter's plough up, Whirlpool is able to gyro up and over to the side and smack a huge dent into one of the arms on Visual Assault's lifter! The arm's bent at about a thirty-degree angle and both bots are sent bouncing away from each other. Whirlpool isn't able to capitalise, though, and VA is content to take another weak shot to the plough in order to slam the spinner around the box again and again. Neither bot lets up, but cease is called before either one can get the deciding hit in.
Damage: Whirlpool 5-0 Visual Assault
Aggression: Visual Assault 4-1 Whirlpool
Control: Visual Assault 4-1 Whirlpool
Your winner, by an 8-7 split decision, is Visual Assault!
Abyss vs Pressure Flop
We’ve got two very powerful weapons here. Abyss gets that huge drum going and comes out, tentatively testing how fast Pressure Flop’s turret reacts as it slowly, SLOWLY lumbers out of its starting square. Welcome to the “literally slower than the fucking melties” club bro. Abyss darts forward, Pressure Flop backs away, and Abyss slams on the brakes just before getting into range. Pressure Flop’s only defense against Abyss’s drum is to preemptively get a knockout blow with the hammer, though, and it takes the bait… firing right into Abyss’s drum!
The hammer head is ripped off Pressure Flop and flung into the lexan. Abyss backs off, possibly surprised that it didn’t just get decked, possibly spinning back up for what’s not a guaranteed penalty kick. Pressure Flop, uhh, spins the turret around like a baseball bat, trying to ward off its opponent, but Abyss just times the strike and rushes in, striking the corner and ripping a skirt away. Pressure Flop goes skidding across the arena, and Abyss cruises in for another massive blow, punting the walker ass-over-tea kettle into the wall despite its huge weight advantage. It lands inverted, and stays that way, completely motionless.
Your winner, by knockout in 0:31, is Abyss!
Electron vs Epicer Waluigi
Epicer Waluigi starts by going forward slowly and carefully, spinning up as it gets near Electron, with Electron doing the same by box rushing, but stopping as it's nearing Epicer Waluigi, before trying to bait Epicer Waluigi by moving left and right. However, due to it's traction, it gyroes and overseers too when doing so, as well as being slower in turning than Epicer Waluigi due to wheelbase. Though Epicer Waluigi does also gyro a bit too due to it's weapon power, though it's size, as well as the wheels meant it stays better. Epicer Waluigi goes defensive after getting away from Electron, escaping the faster bot. Fortunately for Epicer Waluigi, however, Electron's traction hindered it. Epicer Waluigi soon plays defensive until 1 minute left, successfully doing it due to the cumbersome driving of Electron and Epicer Waluigi forcing it to do that too much by skidding and turning around constantly
Epicer Waluigi finally goes in for the hit, skidding just in time while spinning up to Electron trying to bait again. As Electron tries to get to one of Epicer Waluigi's side and about to hit it, Epicer Waluigi turns, hitting Electron. Epicer Waluigi flies off, while Electron gets it's wedge warped significantly, and the disc slightly damaged. Epicer Waluigi soon turns again to Electron, which tried to resume it's tactic and get baited, causing further damage. This happens repeatedly with Epicer Waluigi further damaging everything, especially the wedge, removing it. The bot then get quickly launched up and main chassis destroyed with the weapon dying, before the bot ceased to move, and then get counted out with enough time
Winner: Epicer Waluigi by KO (2:55)
Heavyweights:
Ten Transformation Tanuki vs Saturnian Wristwatch
TTT (I ain’t typing that out again) goes for the box rush, while Saturnian Wristwatch gets that blade going and awkwardly strafes out along the wall while being dragged around by its own spinup torque. TTT rams its lance straight into SW’s blade, and while the weapon isn’t at full speed it’s going fast enough to knock TTT aside given that it just shoved a long-ass lever into it. Saturnian Wristwatch bounces off the wall and almost ends up in the other corner, but maneuvers away, building up speed again. TTT charges in, and again gets spun around, and Saturnian Wristwatch is able to get away from the wall, its bar now moving in a blur.
Undaunted, Tanukiboi tries another attack, but again the lance just gets caught by Saturnian Wristwatch and the wedgebot is knocked off course while SW keeps on spinning. That lance is some pretty thick UHMW, and pretty stiff, but it’s just flopping around like a pool noodle under the force of those impacts, and it looks like it’s actually taken a chunk out of it.
TTT keeps attacking and getting beaten aside for almost a solid minute and a half, and the lance is getting more and more mangled, but still keeping Saturnian Wristwatch at bay. It’s also stopping TTT from really controlling the fight that well, but the bot is at least being consistently aggressive. Then, finally, a hit spins the bot around and sends it spinning side-on into SW. There’s a huge impact, SW is sent flying across the arena bouncing and coining, and the remains of TTT’s lance gets flung across the arena and pinged off the high wall after getting torn off at the mounting point.
Ironically this seems to actually improve TTT’s functionality as a wedgebot since it can now actually, y’know, use its wedge, and it does so with great effect, slamming repeatedly into its opponent’s bar, sending sparks and little shards of metal everywhere. After bouncing it off the wall a couple times – that can’t be good for the omni wheels – it’s able to stop the spinner and get under it, then slam it into the corner. Saturnian Wristwatch never really gets up a full head of steam after that, unable to cope with the sheer speed of TTT, but by that point there were only about 45 seconds left in the fight.
However, TTT’s sustained even more damage. Those flat vertical wedgelets have all been either torn off, had chunks cut through them, or been bent sideways, and the right side of the wedge is actually peeled outward as a result of having an edge caught from the inside. I have to ask… WHY would you use that against a horizontal spinner?
Damage: Ten Transformation Tanuki 1, Saturnian Wristwatch 4
Aggression: Ten Transformation Tanuki 4, Saturnian Wristwatch 1
Control: Ten Transformation Tanuki 2, Saturnian Wristwatch 3
Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Saturnian Wristwatch!
MUL-T vs Defenestrator
For this heavyweight bout, we’ve got two bots with massive arms and massive reach going at it to see who’s the strongest and who lasts the longest. There’s an innuendo to be made somewhere in there, but I’ll be steering clear... unlike our combatants, who’ve both decided to forgo the steering in lieu of driving at one another head-on. Defenestrator readies its arm to hook onto MUL-T’s hammer, but the striker seems to be a little trigger-happy tonight, firing straight at the lifting forks on the end of Defenestrator’s claw and slamming down on them -- it seems to be a picture perfect shot, yet the lifter’s jaws have merely been scratched. HFL quickly capitalizes by hooking onto the hammer’s arm with his lifter, and successfully getting him airborne!
...well, not quite, as MUL-T’s back wheels are still able to touch the ground considering the massive reach of the bot. V900 attempts to fire the hooked hammer to no avail, before trying to drive backwards and away, but it doesn’t have the speed or torque to do so. Defenestrator is thus able to hoist the hammerbot upwards and ragdoll it to the corner of the arena, albeit exhausting a fair amount of time doing so.
Once both bots are in the corner, the clamping bot backs off and lowers its arm in preparation for an OOTA, but MUL-T spots the opportunity and slams its deathhammer into the back half of Defenestrator’s lifting arm — this one really leaves a mark, getting caught in the frame of the arm and caving it inwards. The hammer raises up and HFL rushes in to grab MUL-T’s chassis, hoisting the bot upwards, but then V900 nets another hammer shot, this time further back on Defenestrator’s arm, clipping its frame — the armor now appears pretty busted up, and another hit probably does the whole mechanism in. It’s too little too late, however, as HFL has assembled their OOTA Exodia. Defenestrator swivels around and perches MUL-T over the low wall. MUL-T fires its deadly hammer for one last hurrah, busting through his opponent’s arm and taking it out of commission - but just like that, it slips out off Defenestrator’s grasp and falls out of the arena. HFL certainly has some repair work to do, but for now, they’ve also got the crowd on their feet after scoring a show-stopping OOTA KO.
Your winner, by OOTA at 1:31, is Defenestrator!!
Blackburn Kangaroo vs Shadow
Blackburn starts this one out by driving out to the side, while Shadow box-rushes, missing entirely. BK is a little slow to the uptake and Shadow is able to back off before it gets de-wheeled, but only barely. Shadow is able to line up a hit on Blackburn's disc, but he comes out worse for it, sent skidding as BK hops upwards, but otherwise unfazed. Shadow tries going for these trades a couple more times but it never really works out for him, so he instead tries to flank. This move ends up being disastrous. Kangaroo is fast enough to snip his wheels before he can get there, and it ends with foam rubber sprayed across the arena. Still mobile on one side, Shadow tries to make something work but is killed by one more solid hit from Kangaroo.
Blackburn Kangaroo wins by KO in 0:45
Tabor vs Apocalyptic Peacekeeper - HEAVYWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!
Well, both bots pretty much charge straight into each other, and this results in Apocalyptic Peacekeeper’s ladder-dustpan going straight up Tabor’s beak at high speed, and halfway beaching it. It tries to back off, but before it can do so Tabor’s lifter picks it up and rolls it over sideways. It hammers the lifter down on top of it and starts shoving it towards the wall, but AP’s able to lever Tabor off it enough that its back wheels, which are still touching the ground, let it scuttle away and self-right.
Both bots are just going straight at each other, and it pretty much looks like two gigantic mechanical stag beetles fighting – back and forth grappling with their front pokey things without either one getting a decisive advantage. TABOR’s able to get under AP’s lifter and tip it a couple more times, but it’s having some trouble getting it all the way over, and it is right on the edge of faceplanting itself. The turret can’t be everywhere at once with perfect accuracy either, and eventually AP’s able to get to the side of the central spatula and get under the plow. And he’s got a grip! What can TABOR do now as the 4-bar lifter slowly picks it up, the support forks sliding out to stabilize it? Perform a lift of its own, apparently, but neither robot is well-balanced right now. Tabor tries to suplex AP over its head, but with the angle it’s at its weight drags both robots over onto their sides, and AP lets go and raises it’s lifter. Tabor’s back on its wheels first with an acrobatic flip, but the weapon’s upside-down behind the robot and she’s got to bring it over 180 degrees and spin it around to bring it to bear again – and that’s Apocalyptic Peacekeeper’s chance to get under Tabor’s chassis!
Tabor gets hoisted up into the air, with some difficulty and AP really has to slide those forks out to steady itself, but it’s slowly but surely carrying Tabor towards the low wall. Tabor madly flails its lifter back and forth, though, and jostles free before getting into the danger zone.
After a lot more of watching two robots trying very hard to cope with the sheer awkwardness of each other to lift, Tabor has managed to overturn AP a couple more times and bang it into the wall once, and Tabor’s gotten a couple more solid clamps that haven’t really let it get in position to try to get Tabor out. The judges are going to have to decide this.
Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Tabor 3, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 2 (inverting opponent counts as “trivial” damage, and Tabor did this slightly more, this is what you get for having no ties on damage).
Aggression: Tabor 3, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 2
Control: Tabor 3, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper
Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Tabor!
Death Metal vs Blue Zenith
It's the battle of the Tombclones and Danielle looks out for blood - possibly because she wants Hii to know just who the number one Ray Billings fanbeing is. Death Metal drives a lot like Tombstone too, with immediate and relentless aggression as soon as the battle starts. Blue Zenith isn't taking the bait, though, and it's content to spin up before moving towards the centre of the arena. It's very conservative driving, and it results in immediate dividends with a big weapon-to-weapon clash. The problem for Hii is that while BZ's blade does get deflected upwards as per predictions, the much greater reach of DM's bar means it doesn't get deflected into anything important. It's still a hell of an impact, though. Both bots bounce around for a bit, but Death Metal is the first to recover, courtesy of its wider stance. This time, Danielle goes on the offensive, and this time it pays off much better. DM's upside down and that means Blue Zenith, when it goes for another w2w hit, is deflected downwards, thudding into the ground and bouncing up again. Only now, DM was closer. The support bracket is dangerously exposed before this hit and OH! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! DM's bar cleaves through the support tubes for BZ's weapon and the bar is gone! I repeat, the bar is gone! It's stuck in one of the wall extender gaps! BZ's belching smoke and it can't run away very fast and one more hit dispatches it.
Winner: Death Metal, KO by Bah Gawd That Man Had A Family, 01:54
Omnicrap vs Doomerang
This is one of those classic matchups: metlybrain spinner versus 6 wheel omni 4-bar sewer snake style lifter. Omnicrap is a bot after my own heart – far too fast for its own good, front-stacking armor like there’s no tomorrow. Doomerang is ARC’s one consistently successful melty-brain spinner, because for all dylan’s frustrations with his losses, he somehow manages to win consistently with wonky archetypes.
They’re off, the expected rush coming out of omnicrap. Of course Dylan expects it, but he can’t really do that much to get out of his square. He at least manages to hit off the side of the plow. The glancing blow does little damage to omnicrap, but hey he’s at least free. Maxi is quick to get back on the offensive, ramming the plow into the angrily spinning melty again. This time we get a nice slam, and boths bots are knocked back a fair pace. Doomerang’s still spinning though: it’s not really getting knocked upwards by these impacts because of the shape of Omnicrap’s plow. The melty already spins up quite quickly, and the fact that it’s not really having to deal with flying about at awkward angles is letting it stay competitive.
There’s another big hit there Kenny as again both bots go flying. I think I see a small dent in Omnicrap’s plow. Maybe. There’s another few engagements like this, where again neither party is really gaining an edge – not for lack of trying by either party: Omnicrap’s been hot on Doomerang’s ass for a while now, and it’s barely getting up to speed in time. Doomerang’s been trying to strafe its way to the sides of Omnicrap’s plow, but Maxi’s expert driving and decent control are letting him do some sickass strafing maneuvers to counter. Well, right up until he doesn’t. I don’t know if a wheel seized up for a moment, if maxi just screwed up, or what, but omnicrap manages to understeer just enough to let doomerang catch around its back corner, as we come up on the halfway point of the match. the melty rides up on the skirts for a bit, leaving a nasty looking gouge, before hooking onto the back of the plow. There’s a loud SMACK as both bots careen across the arena, doomerang going a bit gyrodance-ey for the first time in the match.
Omnicrap goes out towards the OOTA zone. A meaty chunk of the left top half of omnicrap’s plow finds its way to the blue square. Neither bot seems otherwise that worse for wear, and we go back to same old same old, maxi being just a bit more conservative to, well, conserve the rest of his robot. It certainly seems as though Omnicrap is starting to slow down a bit, as they return to the normal rhythm of ram, impact, separation, repeat: doomerang is getting just the littlest bit more breathing room. This match has gone on for over two minutes now: that’s a long time for any robot to take this sort of a beating, though there’s still no visual signs of damage. Other than that giant hole in the side of its plow – oh! Doomerang aaaalmost gets another hit there on the plow’s corner: you can see the impact mark just below the big ‘ol chunk he took out earlier.
It’s at this point that things really go downhill for omnicrap, as its front left wheel fully seizes up. Looks like that might have not been a driver error earlier: and this is a big deal for a bot like omnicrap: when you start to lose omniwheels, you lose your ability to strafe properly in addition to the usual shitty situation. Maxi’s making the best of things though. Forced completely on the defensive, but still surviving to the end, Omnicrap’s made a pretty good showing – but it could never fully control the wily doomerang: and the judges will remember that.
Aggression: 4-1 Omnicrap
Damage: 4-1 Doomerang
Control: 3-2 Doomerang
Your winner, in a split decision, is DOOMERANG!
Night Jackal vs Hellhound
Hi. The name's Laz. Eat a dick. This is my robot Jackass and today I'm facing Ethan and his bot Go Fuck Yourself Big bar spins up and it looks like it's been put in overcutter mode for this match. Hellhound goes full Mazda zoom-zoom as Night Jackal turns to keep his wheel near Hellhound. Looks like the blade is at full speed and Hellhound gets under (no surprise) and the blade sends NJ spinning away. Oooo gyro tricks....awww Hellhound had to ruin the fun. Wall slam, pin. Wall slam, pin. Etc, etc. One hit bounces NJ away and it finally gets itself spinning. Clang! Head on assault. But now NJ is skipping off the blow. Bapbapbapbapbapbap. And off he goes. The blade lost some speed after hitting the plow, but there's quite a few clean cuts and gashes on the top panel, and one of the real wheels has been cut to shreds. Hellhound is hobbling along but is still able to stuff NJ and knock it away. The buzzer sounds and that's all we got.
Aggression: 4-1 Hellhound
Damage: 5-0 Night Jackal
Control: 5-0 Hellhound
Hellhound wins 9-6
Sideswipe vs V2
V2 comes out of the starting corner confidently and meets Sideswipe near the middle of the arena. Normally here, we’d play a boring game of “Which bot angles in the angle-iest?” but Sideswipe didn’t come here to play games and schwoops the turret lifter in from the side just as V2‘s fork gets under a front tooth. Luckily for V2, its spinning weapon clips said tooth just enough to knock the two bots apart before Sideswipe can complete Phase 2™ of its master plan. The rest of the fight is a bit slower now that Billy knows to watch for that maneuver, neither bot approaching quite as recklessly after the earlier mutual near miss. V2 starts going directly after the lifter wedge after a while, which kinda works at first and forces Sideswipe on the defensive, but V2 still get seem to get enough bite against the lifter wedge when it does get under to do much other than makes sparks or kick the bots apart. Sideswipe finally gets a break when V2 overcommits to another angling in attempt at the front wedge, schwoops the lifter in from the side once again, lifts, turns, lifts... he’s put V2 over! Can V2 drive inverted? Yes! Kinda. It’s, uh, not graceful at all, but it’s enough to avoid a countout. Good enough for me. Unfortunately, Sideswipe only has about 15 seconds to do anything with this before the buzzer signals the end of the match. Was the strong showing at the end enough for Sideswipe to take this, or will the judges prefer V2‘s more consistent aggression?
Aggression: 3-2 V2
Damage: 3-2 V2
Strategy: 3-2 Sideswipe
After some deliberation, the judges have returned a split decision in favor of V2!