ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

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ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Sun Jul 08, 2018 7:36 pm


Featherweights - Firebird Division
The Mafia: 0-0
Private Iron: 0-0
Bruxish: 0-0
Riptide: 0-0
Hat Garage: 0-0
Buzzcut: 0-0
Tree Surgeon: 0-0
The Beast From the West: 0-0

Featherweights - Vorpal Bunny Division
Apocalyptic Peacekeeper: 0-0
Captain Trips: 0-0
To Fry: 0-0
Vicious: 0-0
Salamandra: 0-0
Vorpal Bunny: 0-0
Runaway Rabbit: 0-0
Epic Waluigi: 0-0

Lightweights - Elrathia Division
Der Metzgermeister: 0-0
Splashdown: 0-0
Hobart: 0-0
Lilian: 0-0
Flash Flood: 0-0
Bluebot: 0-0
Icebreaker: 0-0
Twin Typhoons: 0-0

Lightweights - Pyrite Division
Terpischora: 0-0
Backstab 3: 0-0
Burger Princess: 0-0
Krakatoa: 0-0
Dreamchaser: 0-0
Killjoy II: 0-0
Ramshock: 0-0
The Thieving Magpie: 0-0

Middleweights - Black Dog Division
Neurotoxin: 0-0
Gigaflare: 0-0
Neophyte Redglare: 0-0
Hati: 0-0
Frogbot: 0-0
Dragonfist: 0-0
Blue Max: 0-0
Axtinguisher: 0-0

Middleweights - Depth Charge Division
Outrage: 0-0
Dredd: 0-0
Vortex: 0-0
Black Dog II: 0-0
Champ: 0-0
Harpy: 0-0
Flame Grilled: 0-0
Smackdown v2: 0-0

Heavyweights - Coup de Grace Division
Neuromancer: 0-0
Lambastor: 0-0
Death Metal: 0-0
Coronal Mass Ejection: 0-0
Tongue of the Fatman: 0-0
Hellhound: 0-0
Boy Flaily: 0-0
Magnolia Grande: 0-0

Heavyweights - The Arbiter Division
Vertigo: 0-0
Tabor MkII: 0-0
Highland Fling 2: 0-0
StarStruck: 0-0
ICR Speedwagon: 0-0
Carbon Z: 0-0
The CMC: 0-0
Tulta Munille: 0-0

Challonge links
Last edited by The_Angry_Goat on Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
‽ ROBOTICS (208 - 108 lifetime)

Cuddle Time!: 3-1
Scion: 3-1
Chimera V: 3-0
Delorean Cowboy: 0-3

Cygnus: 0-0
Endless Clowns: 0-0
Visual Assault: 0-0
Sleep Time!: 0-0

Inb4 Gabe's next bot is named "653.232 Daves" ~Hiicantpk

I have reinforced plastic for brains ~Hide

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ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Sun Jul 08, 2018 9:02 pm


RP here:

Incomplete robots have until wednesday be completed, or they will be counted as forfeiting this week (but can still participate in future weeks). robots that are required to declare configurations also have until wednesday to not FF.

the bot on the left is in the red square, the bot on the right is in the blue square. keep in mind that the arena is asymmetrical, and this might affect your strategy.


The Beast from the West vs The Mafia

Yeah fractional point totals are illegal, my dude. Unfortunately for himself TBR decided to FF for no reason so you win. Wheeee
Winner: The Mafia by FF

Oh wait never mind TBR just can’t find threads apparently. Also both of these dumbasses are going for each other’s sides with almost entirely equivalent drivetrains. Well anywho this actually lets the Mafia get under first, since it’s a bit more stable at close range, and it pops the opposing vertical spinner up and over, but Beast’s spinner impacts the ground and quickly brings it back upright. The mafia’s able to get in a second hit at about the same spot that starts bending the front armor on the right side just a tad. They both go back to circling, and this time The Mafia oversteers, and exposes its flank for just a half second. Beast moves in, but ends up just clipping Mafia’s back right wheel. Even with just a clip, the wheel is now stuck at a funny angle that basically relegates the bot to 3WD due to how low its ground clearance is. This, of course, makes turning even harder for Guilden, but he’s still going for some sort of advantageous angle since his wedge is worse. This is the part where TBR realizes he should probably just look the gift horse in the mouth and just get under his opponent’s wedge from the front, which he does, delivering a spectacular blow that knocks Mafia’s front wedge into its own spinner, mangling the whole thing and leaving it upside-down. with only one of its rear wheels in working condition, and Beast lurking, Guilden taps out to avoid further damage.

Your winner, by KO in 1:13, is The Beast from The west!

Private Iron vs Tree Surgeon

Yeah you don’t get 9s off of a 10 weapon stat, it’s the 2/3 rule, not the -1 rule . things are relatively even for a while, Tree surgeon out-jousting and out-wedging its opponent. Tree Surgeon never really gets a good saw in during this time (the spinner doesn’t die because it’s just kinda hanging out, up top of everything, humming angrily. Anywho, about a minute in Iron finally gets under and Tree surgeon’s right side crumples like tinfoil. The thing isn’t even poorly built, or that low armored, and it still did that. anywho the followup hit leave the Surgeon of trees suspiciously smokey, and a third hit on the still dazed seeming bot ends its short stint in the arena this time around.

Your winner, by KO in 1:22, is Private Iron!

Bruxish vs Buzzcut

The two approach, Bruxish clearly rushing in for a quick decisive flip but Buzzcut hangs back slight, confident in it’s superior drivetrain and prepares for a dodge. Buzzcut masterfully evades the attack and when Bruxish tries to correct its course it slips across the arena floor, giving Buzzcut time to catch it cleanly on the side of its shell and completely high-side it on the wedge. Buzzcut takes the flipper for a ride but before it can get it into the wall Bruxish fires its flipper and launches itself off the wedge, turning slowly this time to maintain control as it corrects itself to face Buzzcut, who has rebounded off the wall and sweeps to the right in attempt to get around that flipper again. Bruxish accelerates under the wedgebot but Buzzcut is almost completely off its wedge before the flipper can be fired and is only kicked away slightly. He then flanks Bruxish yet again who just can’t seem to keep up with this drive and collects the flipper once again. The two trade blows like this for most of the match and it’s not until the last minute when Buzzcut can finally get Bruxish to the corner and pin it against the rails. This match is clearly going to the judges.

WINNER: BUZZCUT by a 24-21 Judges Decision

Riptide vs Hat Garage

As soon as the battle starts, Hat Garage powers over towards Riptide, intent on angling in on the big blue target Force is presenting him with. However, this was all part of the drum spinner’s plan, and he darts forward, turns, corrects for a little oversteer, and crashes the drum into the bar itself. It’s undamaged, but Hat Garage is turned over almost immediately, and its hinged wedges drop down with a clank. Not that this matters much. Riptide’s on the attack again, its surprising turn of speed allowing it to chain a few flips on HG until Force overcorrects and gets a mistimed hit. PTU’s able to recover and snaps his punchbar right into Riptide’s drum, pushing it down and flipping both robots over as the drum impacts with the arena floor. HG now gets to go on the offensive, shoving Riptide around as its drum struggles to bite, until at last Force finds some purchase and Riptide full-on backflips over Hat Garage, somehow contriving to land right side up. Before the bar can retract, Force seizes the moment and powers the drum into it, catapulting PTU upwards and getting him stranded for a few seconds in the wall extenders. With the battle almost over, Hat Garage barely manages to shake itself loose and take things to a judges’ decision.

Aggression: Riptide 8 — 7 Hat Garage
Damage: Riptide 8 — 7 Hat Garage
Control: Hat Garage 8 — 7 Riptide

Winner: Riptide, JD 23-22

Epic Waluigi vs Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

Waluigi powers into the centre of the arena with AP meeting him there, and there’s an almighty crunch as the two robots meet. One of the grappling arms on the grabber is torn off completely by the initial impact, as Wolf didn’t get much of an opportunity to gauge the height of Waluigi’s weapon clearance before the attack. Rattled by this, Wolf goes to the next step of his strategy as he comes in on the next attack, feeding his wedge directly into the teeth of V900’s spinner. What follows is a quite spectacular backflip from AP as the weapons collide, with Waluigi shaking the stars out of its vision first and ploughing into the exposed side of AP as it self-rights. It’s another enormous hit that sends the grabber barrel-rolling through the air like a performing seal, and when it lands, it’s pretty obviously toast.

Winner: Epic Waluigi, KO by Immobilization 1:03

Captain Trips vs Runaway Rabbit

The fight kicks off with Runaway Rabbit racing towards Captain Trips. While the latter bot has the drivetrain advantage, it also has good reason not to stray too far from the high walls near its starting zone, lest it get OOTAed by the waifubot. It’s a slow start to the fight, both robots looking very cagey, and the first minute is punctuated by the two bots trying to angle in on each other. Trips wins the wedge fight more often than not, but it’s unable to get much purchase or opportunity to use its lifter before RR swivels away, due in large part to Trips’ continued insistence on a defensive driving strategy. What lifts Shaba does get are easily nullified by Tri’s self-righting, and the only thing of any particular note is that one of the big fluffy ears fell off. The match continues into the second minute in a similarly tentative style, until at last Captain Trips makes a mistake and RR pounces. While the Captain is invertible, it doesn’t move too fast through the air, and RR is able to sustain a chain of a few flips before Shaba scuttles away back to the high walls. This is the deciding moment in the fight, as the rest of it is more of the same as before. Cease is eventually (the heartless would say mercifully) called, and the judges are called upon to inspect the fight.

Aggression: Runaway Rabbit 4 — 1 Captain Trips
Damage: Runaway Rabbit 3 — 2 Captain Trips
Control: Runaway Rabbit 3 — 2 Captain Trips

Winner: Runaway Rabbit, JD 10-5

To Fry vs Vorpal Bunny

The buzzer sounds and To Fry rockets out of his box at a blistering … 5 speed … to rush and try to get to Vorpal Bunny before it’s blade gets up to speed. Unfortunately VB dodges the rush easily and after getting up to speed turns to face To Fry. The two close the distance and Pat clearly does not want to face that huge blade on Vorpal Bunny, but unfortunately without a big drive advantage and that huge gyro bar he isn’t able to stave off the inevitable any longer and Vorpal Bunny sideswipes that 3-bladed propeller blade on To Fry from its support side and spins To Fry away, cutting deep into its huge wheel as the two seperate. The two spin to try and face each other again but it’s clear that Pat’s weapon is now noticeably inhibited and he’s lost almost all drive on one side. The rest of the match is clearly 1-sided and it only takes 3 more hits to completely remove its mobility.


Vicious vs Salamandra

Salamandra immediately charges, but Vicious is out of its starting square like a bullet. It fishtails into approximately the middle of the arena and whips those chains up to full speed before Salamandra can get to it. There’s no chance of getting the saw into play with that thing spinning – Salamandra’s got to find a way of stopping it! It lines itself up and drives right into Vicious’s circle of death, and CLANGCLANGCLANGCLANGCLANG!

The flails slam into Salamandra’s front plow, thrusting it aside and putting some scratches in the dark grey paint, but the wedge does a good job of deflecting them, and Vicious spins to a halt. It takes a second to actually get itself pointed in Salamandra’s general direction, and suddenly guns it forward! Vicious wheelies, skids sideways, rides up the side of Salamandra’s wedge, and hits the top horn hard enough to spin Salamandra around more than 180 degrees. But it sends itself flying in the process. Salamandra recovers, but Vicious has landed and gotten back up to speed already!

Several more rams from Salamandra, with Vicious generally trying to ram Salamandra once its flails have lost their energy but being too uncontrollable to pull it off very well, and Salamandra finally gets under it and shoves it into the wall. It spins the saw up and brings it down, but it only gets a good bite on Vicious’s wedge. It cuts deep into the top edge of the sheet metal and ends up gouging the top of the chassis as well, but as it tries to re-adjust its grip Vicious gets a wheel on the ground and spins itself away. Salamandra stays on the attack and manages to stop Vicious again but has a really hard time corralling it.

Finally Salamandra gets the saw in again, from the side of Vicious this time! The decorative plastic chain on top is instantly snapped, and Salamandra bites into the top armor, creating a deep wound. There’s still time on the pin limit though, and it raises the saw, adjusts slightly, and brings it down again, cutting deep into Vicious’s tire!

Vicious gets away again and spins back up, having given up on trying to use its wedge by this point. Salamandra rams it a few more times but can’t stop its spin, and Vicious finally manages to hook the edge of the plow with its flail, delivering a big hit that spins Salamandra all the way around! It looks like the flails caught it on the backside too, not sure where. That could have damaged Salamandra’s saw, and in fact Dylan spins it up and brings the arm forward to test that his weapon is functional. The arm might be bent a bit… but actually when he does that the robot rears backwards! It looks like parts of the spring-loaded tail are hanging loose now! Vicious finally gets some damage points on the board!

Salamandra remains aggressive, and the saw arm keeps it from wheelieing too badly, but it definitely can’t keep its wedge on the ground now. It takes more hits from Vicious… but then something purple goes flying across the arena and bounces to a stop. That’s one of Vicious’s tires! Now spinning really is Vicious’s only option, and its spin seems to be wobbly. It doesn’t get up to speed as fast, but when Salamandra manages to stop it, it ends up riding up Vicious’s wedge. It gets away, and time runs out before either bot can get another attack in.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Salamandra 3, Vicious 2
Aggression: Salamandra 4, Vicious 1
Control: Salamandra 4 Vicious 1

Your winner, by an 11-4 Judges’ Decision, is Salamandra!


Twin Typhoons vs Der Metzgermeister

Well, this fight has been delayed a bit because Der Metzgermeister was having problems with the clutch on its weapon arm and one of the Typhoons was still being assembled in the pits, but both bots – or rather, all three – are finally ready. Twin Typhoons is a pair of RAF-themed shell spinners which are a smaller version of the bot that won Series Seven of – wait, I’m being informed that that’s Typhoon Twins, and this one is actually a pair of melties. Whatever.

Anyway, the Twin Typhoons get up to full speed very quickly, but their melty-brain drive makes them very sluggish to get out of their starting corner. If Der Metzgermeister had box-rushed them they’d be in trouble. Fortunately DM instead decides to drive over to one of the neutral corners and just sit there with its own weapon spinning and its arm raised overhead. As the Twins approach, it backs itself further into the corner. Ahh, the infamous Corner Camping strategy.

This does actually present the Twins with a problem though, as there’s not space for both of them to move in without risking hitting either each other or the walls. The twin with green teeth – Mai I think – cautiously approaches, but when it’s about a foot away Der Metzgermeister darts forward like a striking snake, slamming its disc down and spewing flames. Sparks fly, and I’m not quite sure what happened there, but DM gets spun sideways to its while Mai recoils and slams itself into the wall. It’s momentarily nearly at a halt, but so’s Der Metzgermeister’s weapon, and it retreats back into the corner and resets itself, letting Mai escape. I see some scribbling at the judges’ table. Reminder, aggression is a criterion in this tournament.

Uhh, the flames obscured what was happening, and it’s hard to tell if Mai took any damage there since it’s a spinning blur. But it didn’t look like DM’s arm was low enough to make contact when its wedge got hit, so I think it might’ve just hit the arena floor. Mai definitely got a hit; DM’s left wedgelet has a good-sized hole in it and it’s bent sideways.

Now it’s Satono’s turn to attack. Der Metzgermeister definitely isn’t quick enough this time; Satono glances off its wedge and tosses itself away before DM can drop the disc. But it doesn’t look like DM took much of a hit there either. Both twins get back up to speed, DM sits in its corner, spinning its disc menacingly. Mai comes in – and again there’s a huge hit and sparks and shards of metal go flying! Mai slams into the wall and stops. DM goes after it and wedges it, but has to back off as Satono approaches and threatens to blindside it. There’s definitely damage to the top of Mai. The top plate is badly dented in on one of the drive pods and it looks like there’s damage to the wheels as well. That’s the drawback of having them so far out. But once it’s released, it laboriously spins up and drifts away, leaving a spiraling trail of skidmarks on the floor.

But it looks like DM took the worse end of that exchange. The disc support is twisted noticeably sideways, and while it’s able to raise the arm the disc isn’t spinning. However, this seems to just make it angry. It finally goes on the attack, repeatedly ramming both of the twins, and at one point it manages to pin the damaged Mai, clamp it with the arm, and spew flames at it, and push it into its twin. The impact knocks Mai free again, though, and both melties continue to work, although Mai’s spin is wobbling and at one point it pops itself in the air and spits out bits of wheels. And the twins continue battering against DM’s wedge, tearing off both wedgelets and severely mangling it. DM’s right-side drivetrain dies near the end of the fight and it spends the last twenty seconds or so frantically spinning to try to keep the twins’ attacks at bay. However, Mai is moving at a crawl by then as well.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Der Metzgermeister 1, Twin Typhoons 4
Aggression: Der Metzgermeister 1, Twin Typhoons 4
Strategy: Der Metzgermeister 1, Twin Typhoons 4

Your winner, by a 12-3 Judges’ Decision, is Twin Typhoons!

Splashdown vs Icebreaker

Both weapons get up to speed, and we get the equivalent of a slow dance in the first few seconds. After a slow crawl to the center, there is an impact. Well, two to be exact. The first sends Splashdown upward a bit, and the second sends both robots away.

Splashdown goes spinning into the distance while Icebreaker jumps and stops to a different part of the arena. Splashdown goes spinning again. Icebreaker spins up as well, but it's gyroing a bit. Looks like thar second hit bent up one of the teeth on the top ring. Another exhchange sends another piece of Icebreaker flying. There's a little cut in the side tooth of Splashdown's yellow wedge.

Next couple exchanges are about the same. Another impact from the two spinners causes Icebreaker's rings to slow down a bit and make a peculiar grinding sound. Looks like the friction wheel on the inside is starting to come loose (that's the only way I can see both of Icebreaker's rings counter rotating without losing a weapon point). Another hit, and the top ring is out of commission with the bottom one barely moving.

Splashdown fixes that with a bunch of battering blows. Icebreaker is now weaponless and gets a piece torn off of the bottom spinner. The buzzer sounds as Icebreaker is saved by the bell it seems.

Aggression: 8-7 Splashdown
Damage: 11-4 Splashdown
Strategy: 10-5 Splashdown

Splashdown wins 29-16

Hobart vs Bluebot

As the match begins it becomes clear that Hobart is very reluctant to get into a head-on clash with Bluebot and keeps trying to skirt and flank, hoping to find some angle past that ground-scraping edge of Bluebots large plow. Unfortunately it’s drivetrain doesn’t hold enough of an advantage to get around and as it approaches at a medium angle its light wedglets bounce off and up the plow of Bluebot, feeding its right weapon mount directly into the vicious eggbeater. The impact rockets Hobart backwards, completely vaporizing the weapon support system and ejecting the bar at such a vicious speed it becomes lodged solidly into the arena wall, while Bluebot rears into a stoppie and recoils across the floor but appears to still be in one piece. Hobart meanwhile … is not. One more hit from Bluebot turns most of what remains of her unlucky frame into nothing more than loose metal slag.


Lilian vs Flash Flood

Flash Flood starts the fight as it means to go on, charging forward into Lilian and ramming her back as she rides up the front wedge. Lilian attempts to monstertruck, but the spikes on the flipping panel prevent her from doing so, and she gets turned over in fairly short order. Lilian self-rights, for all the good that does, and Flash Flood just rushes her down again, easily outwedging her and pounding her against the walls. However, trouble starts to happen when Lilian drops the hammer onto Flash Flood’s lid, seriously damaging the flipping mechanism and warping the panel into near-uselessness. It doesn’t affect Badnik’s strategy much, though, and he keeps sticking close to Lilian like his name was Phillip. It’s a good strategy, and it works. It goes to the judges, but it’s really a foregone conclusion.

Aggression: Flash Flood 9 — 6 Lilian
Damage: Lilian 10 — 5 Flash Flood
Control: Flash Flood 11 — 4 Lilian

Winner: Flash Flood, JD 25-20

The Theiving Magpie vs Terpischora

The battle kicks off with Magpie attempting to rush down and angle in on Terpsichora, but the drum spinner does a very good job of keeping its weapon pointed at the flipper. The attack comes in, but HFL manages to force a head-on collision with a countercharge, and this means the front of Shaba’s wedge is fed into that lethal spinner. The resultant hit sees TMP sent backflipping across the arena, Terpsichora in hot pursuit, but the wedge is now horribly bent up at the tip and looks like it’s going to be pretty ineffective from here on out. TMP gets another kicking from the drum before it self-rights, and it’s looking pretty beaten up, but it’s able to retreat and regroup for another attack, coming in at an angle. It does manage to briefly get underneath, but Terp’s weapon gyros it off the wedge when Mag goes for the flip and OH! Oh, that’s just NASTY! Terpsichora drives into the gaping maw of the Thieving Magpie and just chews the absolute fuck out of its innards! There’s batteries spewed out everywhere, the whole thing’s just a wreck, all sorts. Shaba’s counted out and cease is called, and there’s no doubt that this one was worth the wait.

Winner: Terpsichora, KO by Evisceration, 01:17

Backstab vs Ramshock

This is the kind of wedge fight that would happen if sewer snake went up against sewer snake. And by that, I mean that neither of these fuckers can control each other for more than a hot minute. That being said what little control there is is mostly going in ramshock’s favor because pressing wedge. Backstab tries to pull off a monster-truck into wedge from the rear move against ramshock, but the inherent problem with that strategy is that ramshock, well, keeps going foreward in the time that backstab takes to land, regain control, and then move backwards. Still, it almost looked sick. And uh, yeah, that’s more or less the whole fight lol.

Aggression: 8-7 Ramshock
Damage: 8-7 Backstab
Control: 9-6 Ramshock

Your winner, in a 24-21 decision, is Ramshock!

Burger Princess vs Killjoy II

...And after a postponement because Killjoy burned out a motor during the twitch test and had to do a very fast replacement in the pits, we’re finally ready to get this fight started! Killjoy II has its anti-spinner plow mounted to help it survive the massive hits Burger Princess can dish out, and Burger Princess has decided to start this fight upside-down so its disc rides a bit higher and possibly protects it from saw attacks.

The match begins, and Burger Princess immediately starts spinning up, and trundles laboriously forward at an angle. Killjoy streaks forward, leaving a trail of rubber on the floor, but as it turns to compensate for BP’s movement it skids sideways, and BP gets past it and into the middle of the arena. Killjoy comes up behind it and briefly wedges BP’s wheel, but the disc pokes out the back of the robot too, and it scrapes against Killjoy’s armor enough to pop it free of the wedge. And that’s enough time for Burger Princess to get up to full speed!

Burger Princess decides to just sit in one spot and point the weapon at its opponent, so Killjoy has no choice but to charge. And BANG! Burger Princess goes flying across the arena, but Killjoy took a big hit as well, and there’s already a gash about halfway up Killjoy’s wedge. BP’s disc hits the floor as it lands, but it bounces onto its wheels pretty quickly. Killjoy charges it again, but it’s a little off-course and ends up being hit on the side of its wedge, which sends it twirling away. But this also spins Burger Princess around, and since the disc is tilted with it upside-down, the gyroscopic forces lift its wheels into the air! It skids across the arena, then the disc hits the ground and catapults it into the wall. It bounces off with no sparks so either its wheel or its chassis was what hit, but it’s still in a bad position.

Before BP can get away from the wall, Killjoy slams into it again. The impact bounces the spinner off the wall again and flips it over, but now there are two gashes in Killjoy’s wedge and a hole in its side.

Killjoy keeps ramming, BP keeps pretty much just sitting there and letting Killjoy come to it and get hit, then bouncing away and lumbering back into the middle of the arena. However, Burger Princess is acting as a true undercutter now, and starts really tearing up the lip of Killjoy’s wedge with subsequent hits. Then a wheelie from Killjoy at just the wrong time lets Burger Princess get its blade under the wedge. Sparks and bits of metal fly everywhere, then something catches and both bots go flying sideways again. But Killjoy’s had half the left panel torn free of its wedge, and the front seems like it’s flopping around more than it should. Burger Princess takes its central position again, daring Killjoy to approach. Killjoy does… and it’s another massive hit!

Burger Princess ricochets off the wall again, but Killjoy is also sent skidding into the corner. The wedge is just torn open on the right side and is hanging loose. Another hit could tear it off entirely, but it may not matter because Killjoy II isn’t moving at all!

Your winner, by knockout in 1:38, is Burger Princess!

Krakatoa vs Dreamchaser

There’s neither stats for a plow config nor a picture in the main signups, so IDK where you’re getting the plow config from, my dude. The match starts and both bots are out on the aggressive, Dreamchaser immediately moving to strafe around to the side of Krakatoa. Problem being, krakatoa’s still plenty fast enough to just turn in place and deny access to its sides. Laz is eventually able to line up a good slam, and takes dreamchaser into a wall. Its drum is grinding at the lifter a bit, but the top arm is out of the way and everything else is rather hard to reach, so no real damage just yet.
We get the same interaction a few more times. At about the halfway point, dreamchaser’s able to hit Krakatoa’s front at a slight off-angle, which turns the bot at an angle, and allows for dreamchaser to push in at an angle before either driver can really react. This impact bends up the outer fork of Krakatoa a bit, and sends it in a soaring 360 that prevents Dreamchaser from getting any follow up hits, with Krakatoa getting right back underneath Dreamchaser, and sending it right back into the walls. Dreamchaser’s able to keep on racking up hits like this over the next minute and a half of the match, but these hits aren’t easily chain-able, and all they really do is continue to make that one side’s fork more and more wonky, until it eventually breaks off – the other side is still a fine wedge, so Laz is still able to more or less control the match.

Aggression: 9-6 Krakatoa
Damage: 9-6 Dreamchaser
Control: 8-7 Krakatoa

Your winner, in a split 23-22 decision, is Krakatoa!


Axtinguisher vs Neurotoxin

Mecanums or not, 5/3 doesn’t beat 7/6, 4WD wedge rarely beats out 2WD wedge, and 12 weapon doesn’t beat 12 armor. It’s really a bit of a stomp, despite Alex’s best efforts to the contrary, because even when he does get under, Neurotoxin just backs off, hammer strikes be damned.

Aggression: 9-6 Neurotoxin
Damage: 8-7 Axtinguisher
Control: 10-5 Neurotoxin

Your winner, in a 24-21 decision, is neurotoxin!

Gigaflare vs Blue Max

Gigaflare charges forward, intent on stifling Blue Max’s blade before it gets up to speed. It… doesn’t go well. A crashing hit to the right hand side of the wedge spins both bots away, Blue Max slipping and sliding all over the place due to its low traction and the knockup from the impact. Gigaflare, on the other hand, just bounces into the wall and gets back into the fight, one of the spark cannons having prematurely exploded courtesy of the impact. There’s a big nick in the side of the wedge, though, and Tri is able to mount another offensive. This time he’s not so lucky. Blue Max’s flailing has left it in a position such that, as Gigaflare goes in for a crush, the big bar of Blue Max slams into one of the self-righting winglets, tearing it off and crashing into the wedge from behind. The Nuclear Heat Visor is more reminiscent of Radioactive Man’s famous goggles at this point, and Tri can only watch in horror as his bot is sent careening arse over tit into the middle distance. It comes to a crunching halt against the wall of the arena, flops around trying to self-right, and is eventually counted out.

Winner: Blue Max, KO 1:49

Neophyte Redglare vs Dragonfist

Hey look, it’s another flail spinner – this time a shell instead of a melty.

Dragonfist’s shell starts to whip up to speed, but Neophyte Redglare’s fast, and Dragonfist doesn’t get very far out of the corner before it gets hit. It’s a glancing blow and lets Dragonfist escape and get up to full speed, but it’s barely scratched Redglare, and it just comes in again and takes the full impact of those flails on its front plow with no fear whatsoever.

And, let’s be honest, this is pretty much a three-minute brick-fest. Redglare’s wedge bounces Dragonfist’s flails up into its exposed front-hinged forks, so those get progressively more bent and eventually torn off, but otherwise it’s not taking any serious damage. Neither is Dragonfist, but it is being continuously bullied around the arena. It gets flipped over three times – two from Maulers, one from Redglare managing to overturn it by pushing it against the wall with its lifter – but its top pole rights it every time. However, it spends most of the fight running away and trying to get its weapon spun up, and most of the rest pinballing around the arena.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Dragonfist 4, Neophyte Redglare 1
Aggression: Dragonfist 1, Neophyte Redglare 4
Control: Dragonfist 1, Neophyte Redglare 4

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Neophyte Redglare!

Hati vs Frogbot

The match begins and both bots on the offensive and both of them are fast. However, Hati is the slightly quicker of the two and manages to get under Frogbot a few times. However, Hati has a difficult time using that to his advantage due to Frogbot's quick maneuvering-save for one slam into the high wall. Then the fight for the next 2 minutes is nothing but Hati and Frogbot circling each other, trying to get the right angle, but neither giving an inch. Then, with 20 seconds to go, the two meet and Hati gets under a corner of Frogbot and starts taking it to the wall, but the green flipper's wide wheelbase makes Frogbot able to turn off. It wheels around and catches Hati with the flipper. POP Hati goes for a ride, but lands just short of the wall and time is called before Hati can retaliate. This is going to the judges!

Aggression: 8-7 Hati
Damage: 9-6 Frogbot
Control: 8-7 Hati

Frogbot wins in a 23-22 split decision!

Smackdown vs Outrage

Outrage enters the arena in its special overhead-bar configuration, aka having Wolf put it in upside down. Smackdown enters the arena in its special completely-bog-standard configuration. The battle starts with Smackdown barrelling towards Outrage’s left track pod, and Wolf tries to correct for it before the hammer comes down. However, despite the fact that he can’t really *do* that with his atrocious Speed/Traction differential, it doesn’t really matter; the Patbot’s axe has such a long shaft that the head smashes down on the bar anyway. While the blow does bend the bar down into the track pods and causes some pretty nasty damage, the axe itself is shattered by the force of the spinner. Outrage is able (just about) to extricate itself from off Smackdown’s wedgelets and deal a crippling blow, slicing Pat’s machine almost totally in half.

Winner: Outrage, KO 0:26

Dredd vs Flame Grilled

So uh, yeah, this fight is a lot of FG getting bossed the fuck around, as Dredd just kinda has its way with it – even when FG does get under, dredd just... backs off. FG is also remarkably hesistant about using its hammer for a hammerbot that’s losing the wedge war constantly, which is a bit weird. it does start denting the top of Dredd’s plow by the end of the match, but that’s about it.

Aggression: 11-4 Dredd
Damage: 8-7 Flame Grilled
Control: 15-0 Dredd

Your winner, in a 33-12 JD, is Dredd!

Vortex vs Harpy

This is largely a fight of wedge advantage at the start, as harpy rams itself up vortex’s wedge and shoved a short distance towards a wall and flipped into it. harpy bounces off, some of it overhanging the top of the wall a tad, before it rocks back into the arena. Harpy’s right back on the offensive, and again goes straight at vortex, which obliges. Unable to really get any shoving in, giraffe flips immediately, again sending harpy flying. This happens for quite a bit longer – no real attempt on the part of harpy to get around vortex’s wedge, vortex getting in free flips – before shaba finally tries to angle in around the 2 minute mark. This proves more effective, and she’s able to do some bossing of her own, getting in a nice pin in a corner, before being flipped once more as the match comes to a close.
Aggresion: 10-5 Harpy
Damage: 8-7 Vortex
Control: 11-4 Vortex
Vortex wins in a 24-21 decision!

Black Dog II vs Champ

Yeah no, you're not just missing his wedge entirely :V.

Black Dog's drum spins up to it's low death hum growl. Champ gnashes it's teeth hungrily. Champ is the aggressor, plowing right into black dog, a bold move. Champ's one and only chance of wedging Black Dog, at all, his prized golden wedge, is gone in seconds. The dog smells blood, and a piece of purple lip goes across the arena. Oh hey, he managed to lose a tooth. He's also dangerously close to the arena wall. He tries to run off, but Black Dog is just too fast. Another two crunching blows to the jaw sends Champ up and out. Champ he is no longer.

Black Dog wins by OOTA in 1:35


Magnolia Grande vs Neuromancer

Neuromancer barrels out of the starting blocks like a bull at a gate, but Force has seen this coming and backs out of the way a little bit. Neuromancer does have time to correct for this, though, as 10mph is hardly jetting backwards, and the plough impacts with the left-hand spinner just as it’s starting to get up to speed. The impact judders a few things loose on Neuromancer, but of more note is what happens to Magnolia Grande — it’s fired back into the wall, smashing the right-hand spinner against it and carving a gash in the side. Neuromancer recovers first, despite the wedge having taken a right pummelling, and continues to shove MG into the side wall. It gets the lifter underneath the left spinner and lifts Force up, beaching the deathspinner momentarily on its side against the wall. Because of how the spinners are linked to the same engine, Magnolia Grande can’t spin up to bounce itself away from the wall, and the radial engine stalls out. The drive still works, though, and it manages to shake itself down, only for Neuromancer to lift it up again. This time, one of the bars gets trapped on the wrong side of the wall extenders, locking MG in place and counting it out. It’s honours even in week one for PTU and Force.

Winner: Neuromancer, KO by Immobilization 1:25

Lambastor vs Boy Flaily

So far it hasn’t been a good day for the flails, but we’ve got another one entering the arena right now. Boy Flaily’s got a spinning top with retractable flails – let’s see if that gives it an advantage?

The fight starts, and Lambastor comes out quick, but Boy Flaily is already getting that weapon up to speed and getting out of its corner. Lambastor comes in and tries to go for its side, but gets swatted away by Boy Flaily’s partially-extended flails. They weren’t at full speed but BF was able to slip past and get into the middle of the arena, and now it finally gets them extended all the way!

Lambastor’s only option is to charge into the circle of death, which it does without much effect. Sparks fly and the repeated hits knock both machines sideways, but one of Lambastor’s side wedges already has a hole punched in it. Boy Flaily retreats away, retracting its flails a bit, and knocks Lambastor off-course again, catching the corner of the wedge as the second flail comes around. Lambastor’s left wedgelet is noticeably bent and flopping around now like something’s been torn loose.

Another attack from Lambastor, and this time it catches BF’s flail head-on and deflects it upwards, and that seems to put BF off-balance a bit. Lambastor manages to slow the flails and get under BF’s wedgelets, but its lifter’s too slow to tip it over before BF slips away and starts to spin up again.

BF manages to stay away long enough to get up to speed and start extending its flails, thanks in part to Lambastor’s wedge getting momentarily caught on a floor seam. But a few seconds later it, too, gets its sharp wedgelets stuck, letting Lambastor go straight for its side! Unfortunately, BF is, you know, still spinning! It’s a huge hit! Lambastor’s left wedgelet is completely torn off!

Lambastor keeps attacking, but at this point it’s a battle for survival, and one it isn’t winning. More hits further tear up the mounting for the severed wedgelet, bend one of the lifting forks, and tear the other off. A body blow smashes the lexan wheelguard and damages Lambastor’s left front wheel. It’s stuck going in circles, and smoke starts to come out of it! Now Boy Flaily is free to spin up at its leisure, and that’s just what it does, coming in for strike after strike and completely rearranging Lambastor’s face until it finally stops moving.

For those of you watching in the pits, may I direct your attention to the pristine anti-spinner wedge setup sitting on Team TBR’s pit table. Not a scratch on that thing folks, because it hasn’t gone into the arena. Was there method to this madness? It doesn’t matter, because...

Your winner, by knockout in 2:20, is Boy Flaily!

Death Metal vs Hellhound

Classic fight here. Two familiar faces.

Hellhound wastes no time, rushing towards Death Metal, who luckily gets some distance from the wall. She begins to turn away from the rushing bull. Is she flanking? Laz isn't gonna let us find out as he plows into the spinner, but only the edge of the blade. The blade skips off the plow and turns Death Metal away slightly to the side. Hellhound's side. Death Metal turns quickly and catches an edge of Hellhound's plow! Oof. There's a cut there now, and it looks hella warped.

The bastardized bloodhound didn't like that one bit and gets a good hold of the tombclone. It goes into the wall. And again! and this time HH holds DM for the full pin timer. Danielle can't get away. Laz lifts the plow up and gets Death Metal almost stuck on the wall. It wheelies itself back down with a thud and spins back up. It tries aiming for the weakened side, but Hellhound isn't falling for that trick again. It picks up Death Metal again while hitting the spinner. You can hear the blade battering and grinding against the giant ABR wedge. There are a few cuts in the plow, some decent size. But it's not enough to phase Hellhound as it makes another huge slam into the wall.

The blade ricochets and sends it out of HH's reach. Hellhound turns around as Danielle turns a bit, desperately trying to get the blade back up to max speed. But here comes the namesake of Tartarus Robotics! The plow's tiny holes start turning into a slightly bigger one as DM gets sent flying, it's body moving in all sorts of directions from the gyro.
Hellhound wedges under and sends it into, what a surprise...another wall. But DM's blade isn't up to speed after that last exchange. It stuffs it, attempting to flip it up again, but it just isn't happening for it. Death Metal spins up once more and hurls itself at one of the sides. It comes up just short, but it still hits the front of the plow. The weld that holds the two pieces of ABR wedge is really starting to come loose now. The match ends with both bots hurting. 10 seconds after, Death Metal's weapon motor starts smoking lightly. How do you judge this one?

Aggression: 8-7 Hellhound
Damage: 11-4 Death Metal
Strategy: 10-5 Hellhound

Death Metal wins 23-22

Coronal Mass Ejection vs Tongue of the Fatman

CME is quick out of the blocks. But Fatman is no slouch either. Although he kinda drags himself along with his angled wheels. He now faces his opponent, showing it's ugly grin and it tumbles towards it. CME drives around a bit looking for an opening, but that face keeps watching. Until he slips under quickly, angling in. He flips the big boi over and starts pushing it. Normally TotF would go skyrocketing upward with that strong of a flipper. But with the rod being so far back, not only does he go half his usual height, he also does a barrel roll to the other side of the arena, landing right side up. CME gets another flip in, but Fatman stays up. Here we go again, circling TotF. Except this time it's Fatman that gets under. Oh boy. Cue the crowd going WOAHHH as CME goes flying and crashes into The Box's ceiling. It crashes back to earth relatively unscathed. It seems to have the edge in speed, and so it's getting more of the flips in. Fatman does another barrel roll and rights itself 2, 3 times over. You'd think it would be running out of gas after all this. Luckily gets another lucky shot at the spatula flipper. This time CME gets perched on one of the high walls. It uses it's flipper to drop back down. The match ends with CME getting more flips, but Fatman easily getting the crowd's attention.

Aggression: 10-5 CME
Damage: 9-6 Tongue of the Fatman
Strategy: 10-5 CME

Coronal Mass Ejection wins 26-19

Tulta Munille vs Vertigo

All right, we’ve got two interesting designs here. Vertigo’s latest incarnation has its trademark vertical spinner mounted on an articulated arm, and Tulta Munille’s a swiss-army bot which is currently mounting a very sturdy shock-mounted flipping plow.

Anyway, the fight starts, Vertigo spins up, and both bots are having trouble really getting their weapons to bear because neither is handling very well at the moment. Tulta gets under Vertigo’s corner first, but Vertigo slips off before it can get a flip in. Vertigo gets a glancing blow on Tulta’s plow which does pretty much nothing. Tulta gets a flip, but turns itself over in the process and can’t capitalize on its advantage while Vertigo self-rights.

Vertigo finally manages to get under Tulta’s plow and sends it flying, but Tulta self-rights and no real damage is done. Tulta returns fire with a couple massive flips, nearly flinging Vertigo out of the arena. I mean, I’m making it sound more exciting than it is, since really it’s more like just watching two drunk guys duke it out.

But then Vertigo finally gets to the side of Tulta Munille! Bang! It’s a huge hit, and Tulta goes flying! It lands on its roof with a massive gash in its side, and the bot’s making a noise like a steam locomotive. The pneumatic system must have been damaged! Tulta’s wheels stick out of its top a little bit, but the weapon mount is kind of a pivot point, and the weight of that huge plow moves its center of gravity way forward, so it’s basically balanced on the weapon mount and the plow with its wheels in the air. It spins its wheels back and forth, trying to rock itself into a stable orientation, but it isn’t enough, and it gets counted out with just twelve seconds left.

Your winner, by knockout in 2:48, is Vertigo!

Tabor Mk II vs The CMC

Sweetiebelle leads the raid against Tabor while Tabor presses his wedge and...charges? You sure you didn't mean the other way around? So Tabor is sluggish out of the gate with it's wedge pressed, but luckily it gets under Sweetiebelle and flips it over. It turns it's lifter to face Scootaloo. It manages to lift it up and flip it, but gets flipped from the other side in the process kudos to Applebloom. The other two have righted themselves, and are now getting under the inverted Tabor. They begin to flip it back and forth while Tabor goes batshit, spinning the turret and activating the lifter. It eventually rights itself, and is now getting under Scootaloo and putting it on it's back. It attempts lifting and piling Applebloom on the other part of the cluster, but both self right accordingly. It turns the lifter to get under one from the side, but that just gives it easy access to the side of it's wedge. Flipped again. More flipping. Flippity flip flip. That's all I have to say. The buzzer sounds after a few more exchanges.

Aggression: 8-7 Tabor
Damage: 10-5 CMC
Strategy: 10-5 CMC

The CMC wins 27-18

Highland Fling 2 vs Carbon Z

Highland Fling is a difficult robot to face, mostly because it can stonewall non-damaging opponents. However, GF has a plan for this one — wait for the referees to force Tri to show movement, then engage from close range when it de-Glunks. This comes into play almost immediately, as HF2 is almost immediately forced to de-Glunk with Carbon Z inches away from it. The black and yellow machine lifts up the flailing face spinner and parades it around for a bit, and the fight continues in this vein for the full three minutes. It was a bit of a shit fight, to be honest, but it was always going to be - and it was only going to go one way, too.

Aggression: Carbon Z 12 — 3 Highland Fling 2

Control: Carbon Z 13 — 2 Highland Fling 2

Damage: Carbon Z 8 — 7 Highland Fling 2

Winner: Carbon Z, JD 33-12

StarStruck vs ICR Speedwagon

Starstruck comes out of its square, and the weapon is soon moving in a technicolor blur, but ICR Speed Wagon’s right after it. Starstruck narrowly avoids getting hit within three seconds of the starting buzzer. It gets more or less spun up and away from the wall, but ICR Speedwagon goes for an attack on its right side. Starstruck’s blade still makes contact, and the bots are thrust away about ten feet in opposite directions, with Starstruck taking the worst of the knockback. That hit definitely took some paint off ICR’s right wedgelet and might’ve bent it a little, but otherwise good deflection by the wedge.

ICR Speedwagon keeps up the pressure, and rams Starstruck again, still coming in at an angle. This time it doesn’t pull off the angle-in tactic quite as well, and Starstruck spins ICR Speedwagon away, but it pops itself in the air in the process, and thanks to the magic of gyroscopic forces bounces down at an angle on its right side, then scrapes the floor with its disc as it lands from that. And that’s the opportunity ICR Speedwagon needs to come in and get under Starstruck’s side for real. It looks like it might be able to get a flip, but how safely it can do so is questionable, so it starts pushing Starstruck towards the wall instead, and almost gets it there before Starstruck manages to turn and swipe ICR Speedwagon again and knock itself free.

A couple more hits are exchanged, and ICR gets under the front of Starstruck and slams it backwards into the wall. It’s a high one, so an OOTA’s unlikely with ICR’s flipper, but it fires, uhh, the front-hinged one. They claimed in the pits it would be safer, and no it isn’t! The flipper has enough bite to give Starstruck a good toss, but as it reaches the end of its stroke it enters the radius of Starstruck’s disc, and that’s a massive hit! Starstruck flies away and does a faceplant as it lands, but its pink hoop springs it back onto its wheels. ICR Speedwagon’s front-hinged flipper has had a big gash torn into the side. It retracts very slowly and only about two thirds of the way, and it’s noticeably bent sideways.

To make matters worse, the time ICR Speedwagon takes waiting for the damaged flipper to retract lets Starstruck spin up again. The two bots face off. This time ICR puts more effort into trying to go for its sides, and because ICR’s got an angled spinner and naturally tends to take weight off its drive wheels when it turns in the direction of its rotation, ICR is able to juke it and take advantage of the oversteer. This time it takes Starstruck to the low wall, and up goes the rear-hinged flipper. There’s some sparks, and it looks like Starstruck’s weapon made contact, throwing off ICR’s flip and possibly saving it from an OOTA, but it didn’t manage to damage the weapon this time. Starstruck’s still going pretty quickly though and ICR Speedwagon has to retreat.

There’s a bit more back and forth. ICR Speedwagon wedges Starstruck from the front again. Starstruck’s blade scrapes harmlessly off the armor – until it rides up and strikes the damaged front-hinged flipper! There’s a huge hit, and the bent flipper gets torn free of its hinges, hanging onto the bot at an odd angle just by the bent cylinder rod. It’s like a gruesome robot hangnail! But the impact tosses Starstruck into the wall again. Before it can spin up, ICR Speedwagon comes in and gets a flip! This puts Starstruck on its rear against the wall. Its drive wheels stick out the back so it’s able to maneuver away and reverse to flop back down upright, but ICR just flips it again! Starstuck ends up inverted – its hoops start to roll it over but there’s a wall in the way! I don’t think it can self-right from there! But wait – Starstruck’s weapon starts spinning up! The torque spins it away from the wall, and it precesses, tilting further forward in the process until its disc hits the floor, tearing a hole in the floor panel and sending Starstruck flying! It lands inverted with the weapon stopped, but rolls back upright this time.

Starstruck is able to finish off the front-hinged flipper of ICR Speedwagon, as well as caving in one of the inside panels of the front forks and tearing off an outer side panel of the rear-hinged flipper. By the end of the fight there’s enough damage to ICR’s wedges that Starstruck even manages to get under it with its sloped side panels once, resulting in ICR being tossed across the arena like a frizbee. But ICR gets another flip near the end. It doesn’t even overturn Starstruck, but it proves its weapon’s still working, and it’s been by far the more aggressive.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Starstruck 5, ICR Speedwagon 0
Aggression: Starstruck 1, ICR Speedwagon 4
Control: Starstruck 2, ICR Speedwagon 3
Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Starstruck!
Last edited by The_Angry_Goat on Fri Jul 27, 2018 8:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
‽ ROBOTICS (208 - 108 lifetime)

Cuddle Time!: 3-1
Scion: 3-1
Chimera V: 3-0
Delorean Cowboy: 0-3

Cygnus: 0-0
Endless Clowns: 0-0
Visual Assault: 0-0
Sleep Time!: 0-0

Inb4 Gabe's next bot is named "653.232 Daves" ~Hiicantpk

I have reinforced plastic for brains ~Hide

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ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Sun Jul 15, 2018 8:07 pm


RP here:

Incomplete robots have until wednesday be completed, or they will be counted as forfeiting this week (but can still participate in future weeks). robots that are required to declare configurations also have until wednesday to not FF.

the bot on the left is in the red square, the bot on the right is in the blue square. keep in mind that the arena is asymmetrical, and this might affect your strategy.


Vorpal Bunny vs Vicious

Yeah, chuckles, you don’t get to give two different declared statlines for your bot and have two strategies based on whether or not a writer is going to, y’know, write your bot the way you want. That strikes me as just Not Cricket. So I’m going on quiz rules and saying that your first answer is the only one I can accept. Thus, the battle starts and Vicious, having put its faith in its wedge, tries to edge forward at about half of its top speed and box rush the big HS. However, this… doesn’t end well. Even going at half pace, the drive is so squirrelly and the throttle so over-responsive that the bot is damned near uncontrollable, so Vorpal Bunny has no great difficulty getting around to the side and tearing a Fuckoff Big Hole in the side. Vicious is sliced almost in half, chain links and bits of shattered panelling sprayed across the arena, and Laz taps out before VB can do any more damage.

Winner: Vorpal Bunny, KO by AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, HE IS BROKEN IN HALF, 00:45

Salamandra vs Epic Waluigi

Two bots with less conventional weapons here: the really high ground clearance vertical spinner of Epic Waluigi against the sawblade of Salamandra. Both bots have quick drivetrains but come out very cautiously, jockeying for position as Salamandra tries to get past Epic Waluigi’s weapon. Epic Waluigi gyrodances a bit as it turns, but… wait, why did it go that direction? Oh right, it’s spinning downward.

The bots finally meet, hitting at high speed, and sparks fly as Epic Waluigi’s spinner bites into Salamandra’s front wedge. It hits on the left side of the wedge, near the top, and due to spinning downward, Epic Waluigi does a backflip! It’s now upside-down and the weapon’s spinning the normal direction.

Salamandra presses forward again, and there’s more sparks as Epic Waluigi ricochets off its wedge, sending both bots skidding backwards. Waluigi has to back off and get away from the walls, but Salamandra keeps coming. More hits, and Salamandra loses the tip of one of its top horns! But neither bot really launches the other, and Salamandra eats a couple more hits from Waluigi’s bars. Waluigi presses forward as well, and finally gets over the top of Salamandra, but its weapon isn’t at full speed anymore, and eventually stops after skittering off the armor for several hits. Salamandra pushes Waluigi back into the wall and brings down the saw, but the bots are a little too close for comfort and its arm just gets blocked by Waluigi’s chassis. Salamandra backs off slightly and re-adjusts, and cuts into Waluigi’s wheel, but Waluigi is able to climb free.

Waluigi’s retreats, spinning up its blade again and pirouetteing in place, I think trying to self-right with the gyroscopic forces. It goes up on its side, but those bent prong things on the end of its axles hit the arena floor and prevent it from going over. Salamandra’s hesitant to attack while Waluigi spins, but once the frenetic bouncing stops it rams the spinner again. More sparks, more non-damage.

Epic Waluigi is getting a lot of hits, and Salamandra’s top horns get more and more bent, but right now the main damage it’s caused is the set of parallel gashes in Salamandra’s top cover. And eventually it manages to repeat that feat on the other side of the bot, but it’s not the full-speed top hit Noah wanted, and he gets pinned again. Salamandra gets another chunk of tire with the saw, but otherwise Waluigi’s damage, while limited, is unanswered.

More hits are exchanged. Salamandra’s doing most of the pushing, but its top horns are actually taking a beating from getting repeatedly hit as Waluigi’s blade scrapes across the plow. It looks like the center ones might be bent! Salamandra gets another pin, and it’s in perfect position to cut into the body of its opponent. The saw spins up, but it doesn’t get dropped! Is the arm jammed up?

Epic Waluigi gets away from the pin, but fifteen seconds before the fight ends most of the tire peels off its right front wheel! It’s now bouncing around a bit, but the blade’s still spinning. Will that damage be enough to offset Salamandra’s top cover looking like a bucket used in a Flex Tape commercial?

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Salamandra 1, Epic Waluigi 4
Aggression: Salamandra 3, Epic Waluigi 2
Strategy: Salamandra 4, Epic Waluigi 1

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is… Salamandra!

Runaway Rabbit vs To Fry

So this fight’s first hit is just... weird: To fry rides up RR’s front and manages to catch the top rear corner of Runaway’s ABR, sending itself in a backflip behind the flipperbot, leaving a small, yet noticeable gash where it struck. It appears as though To Fry is running its weapon backwards, then. Much of the fight continues in a similar fashion, actually – To Fry is able to keep itself relatively uncontrollable to RR thanks to running its weapon downwards, and this also gives it the ability to hit at awkward angles, and even get the occasional glancing blow on the body of RR. It does still occasionally get shoved places, but usually not for very long – and Tri’s not really wont to fire the flipper directly into the spinner all too often, though he does get in a few good flips. In general, however, To Fry does a really admirable job of avoiding being controlled, and RR is starting to be a little worse for wear after all those hits, despite its armor.

Aggression: 3-2 Runaway Rabbit
Damage: 3-2 To Fry
Control: 3-2 To Fry

Your winner, in an 8-7 Split decision, is To Fry!

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper vs Captain Trips

Oh joy. It’s a wedge fight. This’ll be fun. The two bots are pretty much identical in terms of drive train and — wait. What’s that? A T-REX! AND IT’S STOMPING TOWARDS THE ARENA! RUN! RUUUUUUUUN! IT’S STOMPED ON APOCALYPTIC PEACEKEEPER! THE BOT IS JUST A PILE OF SHARDS AND GOO AND PREHISTORIC TOE JAM! AAAAAAAAARGH! OH, THE HUMANITY!

Yeah, this is what you get when you FF, bih.

Winner: Captain Trips, KO by Gigantic Furious Murderbeast 00:09

Buzzcut vs Riptide

IDK man buzzcut gets under more often than not, but it mostly just shoves riptide around for a bit before riptide gets free. the spinnerbot gets some entertaining flips and shit whenever it gets under, which is a nice plus for it, but it struggles to follow up and actually get anywhere with them since buzzcut is so mobile. Eventually Monsterworks tries to telegraph an OOTA, but his lack of control prevents him from successfully out-manuevering his opponent.

Aggression: 3-2 Buzzcut
Damage: 3-2 Riptide
Control: 3-2 buzzcut

Your winner, in an 8-7 split decision, is Buzzcut!

Hat Garage vs The Beast From the West

Both bots come out aggressively – The Beast From the West zips across the arena, spinning up its bar, and Hat Garage accelerates hard enough to wheelie a bit at the start, but by the time they’ve closed with each other its wedge is firmly on the ground. Hat Garage fires its bar and hits the side wedge of Beast, sliding under and pushing the bot off course. Beast skids into Hat Garage sideways, and gets wedged and slammed into the wall, but manages to get free.
Beast retreats to the middle of the arena, but when Hat Garage goes out after it, Beast shows no fear and charges in again. Hat Garage fires its bar just like before, but Beast is at full speed now, and its gyroscopic forces mean it doesn’t get spun around as far by the impact. Beast manages to get a glancing blow on the end of Hat Garage’s bar, but it doesn’t look like it did much.

A few more blows are exchanged, and so far HG’s getting past Beast’s front forks and getting under the side wedges, but the scoop shape of its bar is making it hard for it to really high-center it. Hat Garage comes in again, but Beast finally gets its weapon where it wants it and catches the tip of Beast’s center-right wedge! Bang! Hat Garage gets tossed into the air! Which way will it land… uh oh, upside-down! Is Gabe going to kick himself for not going with the invertible wedges?

Hat Garage rapidly flings itself back and forth, trying to torque reaction self-right, but its weapon is acting as a wheelie bar. It extends it, taking a stray hit in the process that rolls it over 720 degrees, but now the weight is keeping it from flipping itself over all the way, although it does still wheelie. Hat Garage finally settles for retracting its bar again and just charging into Beast From the West.

Well, that’s got Hat Garage upright again, and unfortunately it didn’t get that close to the arena lights. And Hat Garage wastes no time taking the fight to Beast again, getting the partially extended bar right between Beast’s forks! Bang! The scoop shape eats the hit perfectly, and the hit bounces Beast inverted. It can run upside-down, but the weapon won’t be as useful. It spins madly around, circling on one wheel and trying to self-right, but it doesn’t look like the balance is right to get it all the way over either. Hat Garage isn’t helping either, interrupting Beast and slamming it against the walls. After a couple of tries it slams Beast into the wall weapon-first, sending Beast high into the air and finally righting it.

Hat Garage continues to control most of the fight, only taking a couple more hits from Beast, but one of them is an important one, striking the side of HG’s punching bar and damaging one of the rack teeth. HG’s bar doesn’t retract all the way after that, although it remains functional. It’s got scratches and small bites taken out of its wedges otherwise, not much that important, but it didn’t do any damage itself.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Hat Garage 2, The Beast From the West 3
Aggression: Hat Garage 3, The Beast From the West 2
Strategy: Hat Garage 4, The Beast From the West 1

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Hat Garage!

Tree Surgeon vs Bruxish

This match will start in 3… 2… 1… Fight, robots – Bruxish, I think you might have jumped the gun a tiny bit – only maybe half a second, and the ref hasn’t said anything, so whatever. It goes screaming across the arena, and manages to make glancing contact with Tree Surgeon and get under it, but the uncontrolled charge causes it to slam itself into the wall. Tree Surgeon is away into the middle of the arena. Bruxish goes after it. It gets its tongue under for a split second, but its flip misses, and now Tree Surgeon slides under it and pushes it back, bringing the chainsaw down like a mousetrap. Titanium sparks fly, but Tree Surgeon’s saw ends up stalling against the torque of its own arm. It does pin Bruxish though, and while Bruxish’s flipper levers the arm open a bit, it’s not enough to get it free.

...and it’s 2:42 more of that. Bruxish manages to get three actual flips in – two on Tree Surgeon, one flipping itself after missing again. However, Tree Surgeon self-rights with no problem, and does more of the pushing and pinning and making pretty sparks.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Tree Surgeon NO, Bruxish DOUBLE NO (3-2)
Aggression: Bruxish 3, Tree Surgeon 2
Strategy: Tree Surgeon 5, Bruxish NO.

Your winner, by an 11-4 Judges’ Decision, is Tree Surgeon!

The Mafia vs Private Iron

Private Iron starts as it means to go on: by gyrodancing all over the place. Meanwhile, the Godfather wanders over to try and go head to head, easily getting underneath while the minibots hang back. The unfortunate part is that in so doing, due to the way that Private Iron is constructed and the angle of attack, the Godfather’s bar smashes into the Private’s drisc in an almighty weapon-to-weapon clash. The Ice Cubed machine bounces off and crashes into the arena floor, doing an elegant backflip to self-right, but GF’s bot comes off a lot worse. The bar is sent hurtling off into the middle distance and embeds itself in the wall, and one of the weapon mounts is completely torn off. The other is doing a sterling impression of a cyborg banana. The bot itself is flipped end over end from the impact, and it twitches slightly and is still.

Winner: Private Iron, KO 0:22


Bluebot vs Lilian

Both robots seem content to attach each other head-on initially. Bluebot’s already up to speed, but Lilian gets underneath it. Unfortunately that eggbeater’s in the way of the hammer… but Lilian just goes “hold my beer” and fires anyway! Bang! Sparks fly, and it looks like Lilian’s hammer got scraped up, but it’s stopped the beater! Lilian retracts, Bluebot starts spinning up again, and Lilian stops it again. Bluebot gets away. After getting wedged again, it comes in at an angle and smacks the side of Lilian’s wedge, sending the hammerbot flying, but Lilian lands upright and gets away.

A few more inconsequential blows get exchanged. Then, Bluebot flips Lilian and gets another hit as it’s self-righting, tearing off one of the back wheels! This leads to a big hit on the lip of Lilian’s wedge which sends the hammerbot flying back 360 degrees. Lilian’s wedge isn’t damaged, but the missing wheel has affected its balance, and it’s tipped slightly sideways. Lilian manages to get the left corner of its wedge underneath Bluebot, though, and forces it against the wall. There it rains down one, two, three, four hammer blows, catching Bluebot’s thin weapon support and warping it outwards, and then getting a blow on Bluebot’s timing pulley with its hammer shaft! I don’t know which hit did the damage, but Bluebot’s eggbeater stops!

Bluebot still does a great job in the pushing match, getting under Lilian more often than not, but Lilian finally gets a body blow that seriously dents the top of Bluebot’s right drive pod, and causes that side of the drive to stop working. It’s able to take advantage of this and get another flurry of blows, making Bluebot look like a car caught in a hailstorm, but isn’t able to finish it off before the decision.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Lilian 4, Bluebot 1
Aggression: Lilian 3, Bluebot 2
Control: Lilian 2, Bluebot 3

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Lilian!

Flash Flood vs Twin Typhoons

The big question is, can typhoons ever hit Flash Flood in the ass? The answer: not really. Like, they get in a grazing shot or two, but there’s nothing of great consequence done to FF, and it mostly just shoves around typhoons. Not many pins because of the threat of the second half of the cluster, but the clusterbot really can’t get anything done.

Aggression: 9-6 Flash Flood
Damage: 8-7 Twin Typhoons
Control: 8-7 Flash Flood

Your winner, in a 24-21 decision, is Flash Flood!

Icebreaker vs Hobart

The two bots are in, Hobart is using a normal-ass bar so she actually has a chance against a spinner, and we’re ready to go! Both bots are inclined to get up to speed before the first hit, which is always fun for us spectators – and man is the first hit a doozy. TBR appeared to be going for the side of Hobart, but had to pass directly in front of the spinner to do so, which means he kinda gets hit by hobart’s weapon on an awkward pass-by hit that sends his bot flying far further than Hobart does. the nice thing about written results is that we can actually take a moment here to consider the damage that has occurred – it looks like the impact managed to hit Icebreaker’s lower spinner into its upper spinner, jamming both weapons and sending the bot flying even further than it would have normally – and nearly out of the arena.
Hobart, on the other hand looks fine. It’s mostly just angrily spinning up its bar though. It begins to be counted out – but oh! there’s movement! Just one side though, the left side tracks look dead in the water. Rocket’s expressed a lot of concern about the durability of the bot – she’s basically admitted to completely forgoing armor in exchange for weapon and drive at the same time, but it looks like she may have skimped a bit too much on internal fortification. So anywho, we now have a non-functional weapon bot against a bot that’s basically just stuck in its little corner of the arena. CRIPPLE FIGHT!
The rest of this match is rather boring, though it was pretty funny to watch Hobart flip icebreaker with its srimech setup everytime TBR tried to ram at its sides.

Aggression: 9-6 Icebreaker
Damage: 8-7 Hobart
Control: 9-6 Hobart

Your winner, in a 23-22 split decision, is HOBART!

Der Metzgermeister vs Splashdown

WINNER: Der Metzgermeister by FF

Killjoy II vs Krakatoa

Saw into his tracks, huh? Sorry to say that it doesn't work out like that. A majority of the time it either skids almost out of control, or gets wedged and lifted by Krakatoa. He gets close to doing so once, but Killjoy can't get an advantage here.

Aggression: 10-5 Krakatoa
Damage: 10-5 Krakatoa
Strategy: 11-4 Krakatoa

Krakatoa wins 34-11

Dreamchaser vs The Thieving Magpie

The Thieving Magpie immediately charges across the arena, but Dreamchaser comes out pretty quick too and dodges to the side. Thieving Magpie chases after it, but that’s bought Dreamchaser enough time to get its drum up to speed. Both machines go for each other – Dreamchaser tries to strafe around to TMP’s side, but TMP manages to catch it, and Dreamchaser’s drum skitters harmlessly off TMP’s flipper. TMP pushes underneath, and flips it! Dreamchaser does a 360 degree backflip but lands still on its wheels and with its weapon still spinning. And TMP’s got its flipper extended now! Watch out!

Thieving Magpie almost gets away, but Dreamchaser taps its side as it turns around and sends it skidding away. The hit didn’t flip it, though, and TMP gets its flipper retracted. Dreamchaser is being more cagey now, strafing and dodging around, but TMP is keeping up with it, and eventually they meet head-on. TMP gets under Dreamchaser’s wedge again, and there’s another flip! Dreamchaser tried to strafe off sideways, but didn’t quite get far enough, and it rolls over in the air and comes down on its back.

Dreamchaser spins around, trying to self-right gyroscopically, but unfortunately when it’s gyrodancing inverted that’s just one Mecanum wheel on the ground with only half of its rollers touching, and the rollers sliding sideways makes its turn straighten out. The Thieving Magpie watches this for a few seconds, then slips under Dreamchaser again – the drum just scraping the wedge – and starts pushing it towards the low wall! Dreamchaser starts to slip away, but gets flipped! That’s a very close call for Dreamchaser as it actually hits the top of the wall, but on the inside, and it falls back into the arena and ends up upright again.

This time TMP’s a bit more proactive about retreating to get its flipper retracted, but it has to cede the aggression to Dreamchaser momentarily. In the long run, though, Dreamchaser is reluctant – and somewhat reasonably – to attack TMP’s front, and the result is a lot of TMP pursuing and Dreamchaser dodging. Dreamchaser does eventually get under the corner of TMP’s wedge, though, and smacks the right corner of the flipper’s tip! TMP is flung onto its back, and takes another blow to the side before it can self-right. The flipper’s now curled up a bit at the corner, and later on it takes another hit there which peels the metal up further, but mostly it’s still able to get under Dreamchaser, and has another near-OOTA before time runs out.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Dreamchaser 3, The Thieving Magpie 2
Aggression: Dreamchaser 1, The Thieving Magpie 4
Strategy: Dreamchaser 1, The Thieving Magpie 4

Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is The Thieving Magpie!

Ramshock vs Burger Princess

Burger Princess is able to get up to speed before Ramshock can get to grips with it… aaaaaaand Pat’s lifter gets torn almost in half by the angled disc of V’s machine. V goes in for the kill and gets it, first cleaving off a wheel and then mangling the remains of the lifter. This was like my first time: ugly, over quickly, and with miscellaneous fluids everywhere.

Winner: Burger Princess, KO via Immobilization 0:22

Backstab vs Terpsichora

In an absolutely shocking turn of events, Backstab attempts a boxrush out of the gate. In a rather more shocking turn of events, Terpsichora actually manages to outwedge the old veteran and get a good bite on the underside of the wedge. Backstab backflips and lands on its backside, and despite looking like it’s got things arse-backwards it’s not gonna backslide or back down. While those puns happened, Terpsichora angles around and catches a wheel, tearing it off and sending Backstab pirouetting majestically through the air. How efficacious this strategy will be when Backstab has wheels for days is yet to be seen, but it’s certainly a step in the right direction. Borkboi self-rights easily and goes on the charge again, this time trying to angle in at the last second. It works, and Terpsichora monstertrucks its way up the wedge and onto the flipping panel, which limply hefts the bot a few inches in the air. Terpsichora easily self-rights and has the time to J-hook away and snipe another wheel. The whole fight is like this, with the only differences being how long Backstab spends upside down at any given time. However, with neither bot able to land the knockout blow, it gets sent to the judges.

Aggression: Backstab 3 3 — 2 Terpsichora
Damage: Terpsichora 4 — 1 Backstab 3
Control: Terpsichora 3 — 2 Backstab 3

Winner: Terpsichora, JD 9-6


Dragonfist vs Hati

Dragonfist gets a couple of good hits, bending the ears of Hati, but the flails then ride up the wedge as the rest of the shell flies up in the air. It's just pain for Dragonfist from there. Hati just won't let the flails get up to speed. The rest of the fight is just wall slams and pins.

Aggression: 11-4 Hati
Damage: 9-6 Dragonfist
Strategy: 10-5 Hati

Hati wins by a 27-18 Judges' Decision

Frogbot vs Axtinguisher

You ever hear of the term going down swinging? Cause that's exactly what Axtinguisher is doing at the start. He attempts to confuse Frogbot by changing directions while landing blows on the head. Except Jack knows the game Alex is trying to play and just gets under and flips with no remorse. Axtinguisher self rights. Frogbot gets under and continues to push while Axtinguisher slowly slides off while landing a decent amount of blows. Flipped again. More self righting. Frogbot gets under once more, but Axtinguisher acts quickly and slides off while Frogbot misses a flip, inverting itself. Axey only gets one good hit before the flipper rights itself. Sure, the wedge might be short, but you also have absolutely no ground clearance. There's not much room by the short wall to escape and despite getting away twice, the inevitable comes as we see angry flames coming from the other side of the wall.

Frogbot wins by OOTA in 2:04

Blue Max vs Neophyte Redglare

The battle kicks off with both bots heading straight for each other, one substantially faster and more controlled than the other. Syl crashes into Goatboi’s blade hard, keeping their wedge pressed low to the ground, and angling in to get underneath the big spinner. The geometry of the undercutter is such that the bar pings off the floor and catapults Blue Max off to one side, and the bot lands upside down. Syl’s wedge is looking scratched and beaten up already, but they keep their bot moving and pointed forward. It’s an easier job now; Blue Max is ready for action in its Super Special Overhead Bar Configuration, so it’s basically made of ground clearance. However, all is not entirely going Syl’s way. As they close in for another attack, Goatboi’s bar smashes into one of the raised forks, bending it almost into a right angle and ripping it half out of the mounting. This doesn’t really change Neophyte’s plan. It ploughs forward and slams Blue Max into the arena wall, with the mecanum bot skittering away at speed, propelled to the left by its bar. It tries to get back into the centre of the arena, but Syl catches up, hammering it into the side wall again. This is how it goes for much of the fight, and it lasts the whole three minutes. The judges are called upon to inspect the bout.

Aggression: Neophyte Redglare 3 — 2 Blue Max
Damage: Blue Max 4 — 1 Neophyte Redglare
Control: Neophyte Redglare 4 — 1 Blue Max

Winner: Neophyte Redglare, JD 8-7

Neurotoxin vs Gigaflare

Because of Neuro’s armor, both bots do essentially the same thing when they get under, but toxin has the advantage of getting under more often, pushing more convincingly, and the like.

Aggression: 3-2 Neurotoxin
Damage: 3-2 Neurotoxin
Control: 3-2 Neurotoxin

Your winner, in a 9-6 decision, is Neurotoxin

Harpy vs Black Dog II

This match is pretty much entirely harpy throwing itself at black dog and hoping it works. It usually just gets smacked backwards for its troubles, but it gets in a few good pins in the first half of the match. Second half things start to go quite south, though, as forks start getting bent, with the middle fork eventually being forced straight upwards. The drivetrain’s still going just fine though.

Aggression: 9-6 Harpy
Damage: 10-5 Black Dog
Control: 10-5 Black Dog

Your winner, in a 26-19 decision, is Black Dog!

Champ vs Smackdown v2

A hammer against a crusher, now that’s something you don’t see every day! No matter how unusual the matchup though both builders seem to be in it to win it with this one and as the buzzer sounds Smackdown rushes out of its gate straight at Champ who instead is approaching more cautiously. The two get within striking distance and Smackdown lets loose that powerful hammer which lands squarely on the top jaw of Champ and bounces backwards warping the jaw slightly. Champ tries to rush in for the bite but Smackdown retreats too quickly, Champ is then forced to follow the flanking maneuvers put on by Smackdown but is luckily able to do it handily. Pat realizes he can’t get around that wide wedge of Champ and instead pivots sharply to fire the hammer at his main body. It connects squarely behind the huge crushing jaw and the long reach of the hammer head has done some very visible damage to Champ’s chassis. But this time when trying to reverse the hammer gets its complicated angles stuck on Champs jaw! This is the only chance the crusher might get at the KO, so he rushes Smackdown who tries to retract the hammer, causing him the buck off the ground and right up the wedge of Champ! Smackdown can’t gain purchase to reverse off and as the teeth come crushing down he fires his hammer in one last-ditch effort to free himself. It’s to no avail though and jaws keep pushing down, squeezing the very life out of the unfortunate hammerbot. Champ releases the grasp after his time limit and as the top jaw is retracted Smackdowns hammer fires involuntarily as the bot gives its final death throes before something inside combusts and thick creeping smoke gradually fills the box.

WINNER: Champ by KO in 1.00

Vortex vs Flame Grilled

Both bots drive forward to the center with Vortex not quite spinning at full speed. TBR doesn't waste one second. It slips underneath and lands a couple shots. Vortex spins up and lifts up the drum. The first one only hits the drum, dealing no damage, but creating pretty sparks. The second one hits Vortex square on the top, smashing through the clear polycarbonate panel on top, but no damage done to the internals. Flame Grilled gets under again, but Vortex escapes quickly with it's drum still out. It now retracts it and spins down. It starts to go for the sides of Flame Grilled's wedge. This is a successful attempt and is now cranking it's drum to a new level. Off we go to the short wall. Here comes the drum. Flame Grilled smacks into the wall and bounces off. Flame Grilled falls onto it's back, self rights, then runs off to gain some more ground. Vortex runs after it, but Flame Grilled has turned around. It manages to get under increase more. The drum comes out, but FG still gets a hit on that damaged right side. There's a slight bit of sparks as it moves now. Vortex gets under again and flips the bigboi chef over. It's stuck on the side of the wall. A couple wild hammer swings fixes that. There's no more sparks coming out of Vortex. But now only one side of the drive is working. It's still enough for it to be mobile, but Flame Grilled comes in for one final blow. First one hits the drum. The second connects with the other side's wheels. With one side jammed up and the other not working, looks like this is a close KO.

Flame Grilled by KO in 2:37

Outrage vs Dredd

Dredd leaps out of the starting square like a shot bolt, hurtling over to flank OUTrage as it tries to spin up. The blade is whirring into life, and as the pusher comes towards it, Wolf tries to turn his blade into the oncoming machine. This… doesn’t work. OUTrage struggles to maintain traction as it reverses, causing it to stand still briefly, and Dredd is able to get underneath its right track pod and shove the machine into the wall. Or rather, try to. OUTrage’s bar pings off the floor and the whole robot flexes alarmingly as it bounces off into the middle distance. Dredd keeps up the pressure, getting some scrapes and nicks on its front armour, and keeps outdriving the cumbersome undercutter. One hit makes this considerably worse, though. As OUTrage is jolted into the wall again, the bar flexes up and tears into the left-hand track pod. Important electronic thingies are scattered hither and yon, including one of the weapon motors and the speed controller. OUTrage is counted out after that, as it is unable to show controlled movement.

Winner: Dredd, KO via Opponent Committing Seppuku, 2:36


Hellhound vs Coronal Mass Ejection

Hellhound roars out of the starting blocks while CME takes a more measured approach, staying closer to the short wall to easier get an OOTA flip. While Laz predicted this, he can’t have it both ways; if he wants to avoid the walls, he can’t be aggressive, and if he wants to be aggressive, he has to go near the walls. The first impact occurs a little later than might be expected for a box rush, but the two bots lock horns and CME emerges triumphant, getting a flip off. Hellhound’s lifter is geared for power, not speed, and so the whole robot is hurled end over end, landing upside down. While it’s invertible, it can’t use the wedge upside down, and CME barrels over to it while it’s trying to self-right and gets an enormous flip off! Hellhound bounces around all over the place, and CME gives chase with aplomb, powering ahead and letting fly with the flipper again. This one is more of a glancing hit, as it oversteers a little and doesn’t quite get underneath exactly how HFL wanted, but Laz is still sent tumbling. He has to keep running away from the flipper, which is a bad look as far as the judging panel is concerned, but he does eventually manage to reset. This time, Laz manages to angle in, propelling the two bots forward and slamming them both into the low wall. CME uses a leap from its flipper to escape, though, and before Laz can adjust HFL is back on his feet and ready for another go-round. CME is able to win another head-on collision, and the exact same thing happens, with the flips getting chained together. This time, though, it’s headed towards the short wall, and with one almighty effort, Hellhound is hefted over the wall and bounced out of the match.

Winner: Coronal Mass Ejection, KO by OOTA, 02:35

Tongue of the Fatman vs Magnolia Grande

Magnolia Grande spins up and gets out of its corner. Tongue of the Fatman’s actually not that much faster due to its canted wheels, so it can’t really box rush, but it slams itself into Grande’s left bar regardless. And then a few seconds later into the right bar. Both times Magnolia Grande gets spun around by the impact and knocked backwards, but it’s doing almost nothing to TotF. That plow is just too THICC! TotF keeps trying to attack one blade or the other on MG, which at one point leads to MG pivoting and smacking the edge of the plow, putting a nice bar-shaped gash in the edge, but the flipper is still more or less intact.

However, TotF doesn’t seem to have the linear speed to keep up with Magnolia – it’s not able to chase it down and smother it, or even really keep it on the defensive that well since Grande’s twin blades keep the weaponry spinning at significant speed after an impact – fast enough to be within the power band of its engine! In fact, Magnolia is mostly able to just head right back into the thick of things after the hits. However, it gets its weapon stopped by landing blade-first and ricocheting into the wall, and that’s TotF’s chance. It rushes in and wedges under Grande before it can get the weapon restarted, and fires the flipper!

Magnolia Grande goes flying high into the air and makes contact with the Lexan, but crashes down inverted inside the arena. It immediately books it away from the wall and starts to spin up again, and continues to rain down hits on TotF’s reinforced plow. But now it’s striking pretty much the top of the plow, and gets some more solid edge hits, as well as riding up over the plow and slicing clean through almost the entire “Tongue of the Fatman” logo. TotF finally gets under its side, and flips again! It’s almost an OOTA, but again Magnolia Grande’s sheer size saves it! And TotF’s flipper seems to be bent downward! Nevertheless, it’s able to weather several more blows from the now-upright Magnolia Grande. The plow itself is holding up fine but it seems to be hanging loose on one side. But it knocks Grande into the high wall again and muscles under it.

Tongue of the Fatman fires! Magnolia Grande is vaulted up into the air, flipping over the wall and slamming into the lexan with both treads, then falls down into the gap! It’s too long and wide to fit into the OOTA area, but not too tall! And that flip came not a moment too soon for Tongue of the Fatman! After Grande slid off its arm partway through the stroke, the flipper continued up at high speed until it hit the end of its very long stroke, and the mass and momentum of the plow on the end of the flipper, combined with the huge loads bending the arm back and forth in previous flips, caused the entire arm to snap in half at the level where Magnolia Grande tore into it. Tongue of the Fatman is weaponless and defenseless now, and very lucky to have gotten their aim right that time, but as it is…

Your winner, by OOTA in 2:22, is Tongue of the Fatman!

Boy Flaily vs Death Metal

Something interesting to note about this match is that both builders have arrived with seemingly an entire extra robot worth of spare parts marked off specifically for this fight; it’s clear they both know just what to expect here. The match begins and a terrible hum fills the arena as Death Metal and Boy Flaily both spin up. Death Metals bar reaches optimal velocity just as Boy Flaily does, and both bots slowly creep towards each other. Then suddenly Boy Flaily lets out a screeching KERTHUNK and its fails extend outwards to their full length, whipping and whistling around the central robot, and giving itself the definite reach advantage and the distance between the two bots closes. There’s a meaty crash and the arena fills with sparks at the first impact! BFs reach advantage came in key here because his flail connected solidly with the purple and black support structure on Death Metal, crumpling and crushing it completely and separating the weapon bar entirely from DM. Death Metal is thrown completely to the side of the arena as the second flail comes around and makes its hit on the chassis, while the bar is carried by sheer inertia forward where it completely decapitates the spinner of Boy Flaily before cleaving the lighting structure in two and sending itself and thousands of dollars of expensive lights and electronics crashing into the box. Everyone is stunned at what they’ve just witnessed. Shrapnel and metal slag has filled the arena, and while both bots don’t look anything like what they started, the hunk of steel formerly known as Death Metal slumps lifelessly against the wall while the decapitated chassis of Boy Flaily limps through the wreckage. Bruised and broken, but still mobile.

WINNER: Boy Flaily by KO in 0.18

Neuromancer vs Lambastor

This is just a big fucking angle in fest, isn't it? :V

Lambastor wins out on the first exchange and punches a couple holes in the top of Neuromancer before it escapes. Neuromancer gets under after a lot of dancing around the arena trying to get under each other, and pushes Lambastor into a wall and slams it Sewer Snake style. Lambastor tries using the axe to shake itself down, but to no avail. Neuromancer gets underneath at an angle again and sends it into another wall. TBR can't seem to get away whenever he does that. Hmm. Now Gabe's going for the low wall. The first attempt misses, and Neuromancer gets another hole punched into it for it's troubles. The second attempt is closer but not quite there. Maybe the third ti--and Lambastor is running off. Oh wait, nope. Neuromancer got under him again and finally flips him up and over the wall. Except for the fact that Lambastor is long as fuck and just shakes itself down with it's axe :V. We get more of a dent instead of a hole as Lambastor angles in this time, but Neuromancer retaliates rather quickly. The match ends after quite a bit of back and forth attacking.

Aggression: 9-6 Neuromancer
Damage: 10-5 Lambastor
Strategy: 9-6 Neuromancer

Neuromancer wins 23-22

Carbon Z vs StarStruck

Carbon Z speeds out of the starting blocks and heads straight for StarStruck’s bar, which is currently getting up to speed as it wanders out at an oblique angle. However, the spinner’s able to get a good swipe on the side with some excellent driving that clips the side of the wedge, dealing a minor little scrape but knocking the wedgebot out of position. The follow-up hit is much more powerful, sending Carbon Z skittering away with a nice dent in its side panel. Gulden’s able to rally, though; he powers forward again, and this time he weathers the storm. The wedge manages to get underneath StarStruck’s cage… bar… thing and get a lift, turning the spinner over and letting it bounce around all over the place. It’s a back and forth like this all fight long, with StarStruck getting some chip damage in but the tempo of the bout thoroughly under the control of Carbon Z. After three minutes, it’s over, and frankly a foregone conclusion.

Aggression: Carbon Z 4 — 1 StarStruck
Damage: StarStruck 5 — 0 Carbon Z
Control: Carbon Z 4 — 1 StarStruck

Winner: Carbon Z, JD 8-7

ICR Speedwagon vs Tulta Munille

The buzzer sounds and both bots put the pedal to the metal and rush towards each other. Then at the last second before the clash Tulta Munille slams on the brakes and turns hard to the right, pulling off a totally rad drift and throwing the gas back on to try and flank right but ICR Speedwagon is just too quick for it and slides under the high-clearance sides of TM to deliver a hearty flip. Tulta Munille tumbles end-over-end and lands on its head but quickly self rights but ICR is right back under him and delivers another flip. The match continues like this for a while; with ICR handily outmaneuvering TM at every turn and just bullying him around the arena until IceCubed gets his wet dream and he overturns Tulta Munille right by the short wall. Wolf knows what’s to come and frantically tries to fire the flipper but is unable to before he’s sent… OUT OF THE ARENA!! The useless countout starts and ICR celebrates in the middle of the box for his victory.

But wait. What’s this? Wolf hasn’t given up yet! Tulta Munille has landed upside down outside the arena! Wolf sees his chance and he takes it, launching himself back INTO THE ARENA! And Wolf has come back with a vengeance! Catching ICR Speedwagon celebrating he delivers a massive flip and prepares for another. And another! But as Tulta Munille reaches his stride the match comes to a close

WINNER: ICR Speedwagon by a 24-21 judges decision

The CMC vs Highland Fling 2

So, uhh, everyone box rushes. Four bots charge across the arena towards each other, some of them much faster than the others. And all four of them tried to put on the brakes. Operative word being tried. Apple Bloom skids into Highland Fling anyway, gets under it, and vanishes underneath its much larger opponent. This appears to have gotten both robots stuck, but the other two Crusaders maneuver to surround Highland Fling. Apple Bloom fires its flipper, causing Highland Fling to rise straight up in the air and come straight back down, but Apple Bloom manages to escape from under it. HF2 doesn’t manage to do much though before Scootaloo comes in and starts slowly but surely pushing it towards a wall. Highland Fling manages to spin away, then Glunks as Sweetie Belle goes after it… but gets wedged anyway.

So, the CMC are failing miserably in their goal of overturning Highland Fling, but Highland fling can’t get under them, and they just keep wedging and high-centering it. The result is the robotic combat equivalent of an Ice Climbers Wobble: they wedge, they pin, and release with a flip well before the pin timer expires but another crusader almost instantly wedges Highland Fling again.

This goes on for literally almost two minutes, until Scootaloo screws up and hits a Glunked HF2 at the wrong angle, driving straight up its skirts and onto the spinning top. The minibot gets caught there and for about three seconds Highland Fling does an excellent impression of a washing machine with a brick thrown into it, then Scootaloo is finally flung free and goes sailing across the arena at ludicrous speed. It bounces off a wall and comes to rest inverted, with its scoop twisted and warped, giant gashes in its baseplate, a wheel missing, and either smoke or CO2 leaking out of it. Applebloom helpfully rights it, which sends Scootaloo flying out of the arena because it’s only a third the weight of a normal bot.

Fortunately for the CMC, they can still wobble with two robots, and they do so until the buzzer. For those of you who fell asleep, when you’re catching up on the fights on YouTube, just skip to when the match clock’s at 1:10 for the good part.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: The CMC 0, Highland Fling 2 5
Aggression: The CMC 4, Highland Fling 2 1
Control: The CMC 3, Highland Fling 2 2 (CMC controlled the entire much but also managed to get hit by a spinner which literally has negative reach, and accidentally threw its teammate's corpse out of the arena while trying to right it).

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is… (spit-take) Highland Fling 2?

Vertigo vs Tabor MkII

This is mostly just frustrating to watch. Vertigo’s pretty much on ice skates the whole time, which lets Tabor win like, 60% of the engagements at the start – problem is that she has like, no actual wedge – her first attempt at flipping vertigo leads to her instead losing her grip (so to speak), and getting the bottom side of the plow smacked with the spinner, sending the whole bot in a perfect 360. So instead we mostly just get to watch Vertigo’s spinner make pretty sparks off of the plow face for a while before she has to let go of it. occasionally Giraffe’s able to keep control for long enough to get a good hit in, but he struggles with following up due to vertigo’s quick weaponry. At around the 2:30 mark, though, he gets a hit on the side of the bot that completely jams up one side of the wheels, and tabor is left doing circles, and desperately fending off attacks, for the last 30 seconds of the match.

Aggression: 8-7 Vertigo
Damage: 9-6 Vertigo
Control: 9-6 Tabor

Your winner, in a 23-22 split decision, is VERTIGO!
Last edited by The_Angry_Goat on Sun Jul 29, 2018 2:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
‽ ROBOTICS (208 - 108 lifetime)

Cuddle Time!: 3-1
Scion: 3-1
Chimera V: 3-0
Delorean Cowboy: 0-3

Cygnus: 0-0
Endless Clowns: 0-0
Visual Assault: 0-0
Sleep Time!: 0-0

Inb4 Gabe's next bot is named "653.232 Daves" ~Hiicantpk

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ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Mon Jul 23, 2018 1:05 am


RP here:

Those who are fighting a madman (laz) bot - He's pulled out, we're gonna see about getting in a replacement. if there's no replacement by wednesday, you get an FF win. congrats? :V

the bot on the left is in the red square, the bot on the right is in the blue square. keep in mind that the arena is asymmetrical, and this might affect your strategy.


Riptide vs Tree Surgeon

Both bots come out aggressively Riptide getting its drum up to speed very quickly. Tree Surgeon tries to see if it can get between Riptide’s skids, and initially seems to do so, but Riptide’s drum still makes contact and pops it backward, keeping it well out of reach of Tree Surgeon’s weapon. And Riptide immediately comes back in and gets a solid hit on Tree Surgeon’s wedge that sends it skidding away.

At this point, it pretty much turns into a three-minute slugfest… with Nerf bats. Both bots are really getting stuck in, but neither can do any actual damage. Tree Surgeon is able to get underneath Riptide occasionally, but its weapon’s lack of reach is preventing it from even clamping Riptide, which has the ground clearance to just back off. Riptide on the other hand keeps popping Tree Surgeon in the air, tossing it backwards, and sometimes flipping it over, and when it does so it’s not letting up on the pressure.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Riptide 3, Tree Surgeon 2 (cosmetic scratches from Riptide)
Aggression: Riptide 3, Tree Surgeon 2
Control: Riptide 3, Tree Surgeon 2

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Riptide!

Bruxish vs The Mafia

Bruxish is a squirrelly little fucker, so it snakes out of the arena as it heads straight for the Godfather. GF predicted it pretty easily, so Bruxish ends up slamming into the wall as the Mafia deploys its firing squad. Plink. Plink. Plink. Et cetera. Maybe they should have put an AR-15 on the minibots, that’d probably have worked. In any event, the Godfather brings its own weapon to bear, and does the square root of jack shit. Bruxish gets a flip on it in return and sends the boss bot careening over to the arena, whereupon it cannot self-right very well as its weapon has been stopped by the floor. Or possibly a passing bumblebee. In any case, Bruxish is able to line up another flip and score an OOTA.

Winner: Bruxish, KO by OOTA, 00:45

The Beast from the West vs Private Iron


We got one guy on Galaxy Brain and one guy a step below, though I suppose angling in helps TBR avoid a weapon-weapon hit, at least early on. Instead, Beast obliterates Iron’s left wedglet, then gets under a little further and flips the K-torze klone. It goes flippity flop onto its head, and things don’t really go much better from there, seeing as how Iron’s already minimal control is further lowered. That being said, it’s no easy job for Beast to actually hit Iron without getting smacked back, as is shown when Iron manages to knock off some of beast’s top support thing, taking a massive hit to the body from Beast as it does so. Beast seems to have taken the hit rather poorly, shitting out a weapon chain, but Iron took its hit even worse, seeing as how it is now smoking. It’s still fully functional though, and now right-side up. Beast moves to angle in again, and manages it once more. Without a functional weapon, it’s just a pushy-bot, but with Private iron now clearly showing fire, this is mostly just a matter of living long enough for the match to be called a KO due to fire hazard, which happens about 10 seconds into the pin. That’s gonna take a while to air out. and repair.
Your winner, by KO in 1:00, is The Beast from the West!

Hat Garage vs Buzzcut

Wedge Fight? Wedge Fight.

All right, both bots come out fast and go right for each other. Buzzcut seems a little off-center at first but Hat Garage fires its bar and gets under it. Buzzcut ramps off the scoop shape and flips itself over sideways, but with its design that does, y’know, absolutely nothing. Buzzcut zooms in again, undeterred, and… pretty much this is one of those cartoon fights where you just see a dust cloud with fists periodically sticking out of it. Hat Garage’s punching bar is very low to the ground, but Buzzcut is able to get under the rest of the wedge a decent bit. Both machines are very slippery and hard to get control of, and are quick enough that half the time they just bounce off each other from the force of the impact, but there’s some good wall slams from both sides. 3 minutes later, and it seems like Buzzcut was initiating more of the attacks, but Hat Garage’s punching bar was getting the better of it more often than not.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Hat Garage 3, Buzzcut 2 (lol flipping counts as “trivial damage” and breaks the tie)
Aggression: Hat Garage 2, Buzzcut 3
Control: Hat Garage 3, Buzzcut 2

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Hat Garage!

--- vs Runaway Rabbit

Well, since Laz decided to pack up, go home, and take all his robots with him, Vicious clearly isn't going to fight. Instead, we're going to spend three minutes playing dramatic music and showing closeup shots of all the team captains' faces, and then I'll draw a name out of a hat to select which team gets to take over Laz's abandoned pit table. And the winner is...


Oh, and Runaway Rabbit gets a forfeit win too.

To Fry vs Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

AP is fast and aggressive, but To Fry is surprisingly nimble, able to use the gyroscopic forces of its weapon to get away from the initial box rush. The followup, however, isn’t so easily evaded, and AP takes a hefty ding on the wedge to close the gap. Pat’s weapon hasn’t stopped, though, so Borkboi lifts him up to tip him into the ground. To Fry bounces across the arena like a jumping jack, but when it gets back on its feet, the weapon is still working. AP rams into it again, but this time Pat somehow manages to get the weapon to hit one of the claws, tearing it off completely and smashing something important and shiny off into the middle distance. With the grabber suddenly lopsided, AP is knocked back, and Pat manages to get in another big hit on the wedge. This time, it’s twofold; the first hit knocks AP’s lifter up, and the second catches the underside of the wedge, dealing a hell of a lot of damage to the wedge and marmalizing the internals. AP’s weapon is out of action and stuck in the open position, and Pat is able to deliver another hit for the victory. Happy Pat.

Winner: To Fry, KO by Immobilization 01:58

Epic Waluigi vs Captain Trips

Waluigi waaaahs into the centre of the arena, with Captain Trips coming in to meet him right there. Shaba’s trying to angle in, but the flails bounce up the lifting wedge and start slapping the bejeezus out of the right wheel. While a bit of the raw power has been taken out by the wedge, there’s still more than enough to shred the tyre and dent the wheel hub. The Captain clatters back, but Waluigi stays on the offensive, and this time it manages to mangle the other wheel completely.

Winner: Epic Waluigi, KO by Immobilization, 00:58

Salamandra vs Vorpal Bunny

Vorpal Bunny starts upside down, because apparently that’s a thing for horizontal spinners, and moves forward towards Salamandra. Dylan’s struggling a little to tell which way VB’s bar is spinning because it’s upside down, but eventually he clocks it — and just in time, too. He barely has enough time to turn into the hit before VB’s blade smashes into it, leaving a sizeable dent and flinging both robots apart for a moment. The next impact is more subdued, though, as Salamandra is able to maintain some pressure and slam VB into the wall, dealing some minor pressure damage and throwing up pretty sparks. Dylan has to let go, but he’s able to catch up and push VB around some more, but the bar spinner manages to turn and get a good swipe on the side of the sawbot’s wedge, knocking both machines apart. This gives VB time to spin up again, and this time Dylan makes a driving error, overshooting a little on a charge as VB moves out of the way. This time, the Bunny becomes a killer rabbit, striking the left wheel and smashing it apart, the force of the impact jarring several important electrical things loose in the sawbot’s internals. Dylan panics for a moment, but becomes resigned to his defeat as his bot takes another splintering hit.

Winner: Vorpal Bunny, KO by Immobilization 02:41


Lilian vs Icebreaker

Lilian tries a sort of half-assed box rush, but isn’t really fast enough to pull it off. However, Icebreaker is also being aggressive, and goes straight for Lilian’s face and bounces off before Lilian can swing the hammer. The second time Lilian is more prepared, and fires early, trying to strike first. However, this pops it up in the air, and while it does make glancing contact its wedge ends up landing on top of Icebreaker’s upper spinner. For a split-second the ring just grinds against it, then there’s a huge hit, tossing both robots sideways. Icebreaker actually recovers first, thanks to its tracks, but it doesn’t seem to have done any significant damage.

Both robots charge each other. Icebreaker tries to veer off and hit the side of Lilian’s plow, but Lilian easily reacts. Icebreaker hits hard again, but glances off Lilian’s wedge and throws itself several feet in the air, coining as it lands. Lilian has plenty of time to line itself up, wedge Icebreaker as it lands and before it can spin up, and down comes the hammer! That blow puts a serious dent in the top of Icebreaker, but it manages to get away as Lilian retracts its weapon.

Icebreaker jukes from side to side, avoiding its faster opponent for a couple seconds, but it’s still not quite at top speed when Lilian bumps it again. After a few more attacks it’s able to get under Icebreaker again, and there’s another hammer blow right on one of the tracks! Either that bent something or derailed the track or just killed the motor entirely, because that track stops moving, leaving Icebreaker going in circles. And that… pretty much kills any ability to avoid contact while spinning up it has, leading to Lilian pinning it against the wall and pounding it until the ref points out to TBR that the tap out button is the red one, and pressing the “ready” button over and over doesn’t actually end the fight.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:02, is Lilian!

Hobart vs DerMetzgermeister

Yet another fight I write decided in one hit, this time when GF tries to angle in on a bot with a worse wedge. Spoiler alert: being slower doesn’t really help him in this regard, and it lets Hobart get under for just long enough to sneak in a devastating uppercut for the 1 hit KO on Der Mezgermeister. In GF’s defense, meister does at least manage to self-right after the hit, but the front wedge got bent at such an ugly angle that it’s actually keeping the right wheel entirely off the ground, and not giving enough traction to the left one for it to circle on it.

Your winner, by KO in 0:37, is Hobart!

Twin Typhoons vs Splashdown

The twins line up… in an actual line for this one, which is quite peculiar but there you are. Battle starts with Mai and Splashdown charging forward for the centre as best they can, which is tricky given their drive setup, while Satomo actually gets up to speed. Splashdown gets there first and gets spinning first, which means that Mai takes a solid knock to the teeth and gets flung away. With its weapon churning, Splashdown waddles towards Mai, which tries to run away, but the slipperiness of the controls means it has quite a lot of trouble even going in a straight line, and ends up backing into Splashdown as it’s spinning. It takes another massive blow, this time all but tearing one of the teeth off, and the minimelty is sent absolutely flying. It crashes into the wall, bounces up, and manages to get completely hooked on the wall extenders. With her sister gone, the remaining Waifoon is obliged to go on the offensive if there’s to be any hope of victory. Such hopes are dashed almost immediately, as the two bots go weapon to weapon and Satomo comes off a lot worse. An unlucky bounce props her up against the wall with her wheels off the ground, and the two are counted out.

Winner: Splashdown, KO by Immobilization, 01:35

Flash Flood vs Bluebot

All right, Flash Flood actually initially has trouble getting under Bluebot since Bluebot’s hinged forks out-reach its own wedge teeth. It takes a couple good smacks from Bluebot’s eggbeater, but the only real damage caused is one of the blue teeth on top of Flash Flood’s flipper getting bent sideways. Eventually it manages to slip its wedge under the side of the forks, and muscles in enough to slam Bluebot against the wall, but not overturn it. Another attempt finally puts Bluebot on its back, though, and that’s when the fight turns around.
Bluebot’s wedgelets are totally useless inverted. It tries to back away, but Flash Flood is quick enough to keep up with it and before Bluebot can even think of trying to gyro back over it gets rammed. The beater scrapes harmlessly against Flash Flood’s wedge, but doesn’t bite in enough to flip Bluebot back over. Bluebot’s having a lot of trouble maneuvering, and Flash Flood takes full advantage of that, proceeding to push it into the arena wall again and pin it. After a bit of one-sided shoving action Flash Flood manages to stack Bluebot against the wall on its side, leaving it completely stuck.
Your winner, by knockout in 1:21, is Flash Flood!

--- vs Ramshock

Noah was a going to enter Spin Cycle 3 as a replacement, but he couldn't get it going, so he put a normal washing machine there in it's place and gave it wheelchair motors on the bottom.

Spin Cycle gets it's drum up to speed and starts driving slowly towards Ramshock. Ramshock bot rushes and avoids the deadly weapon. It picks up one of the Mafia minibots that was for some reason left there and raises it up to the spinning weapon. The minibot is getting mangled, but holy shit Spin Cycle is going berserk. It starts shaking wildly and eventually the drum comes loose from the chassis and falls on it's face. You can still here the motor going though. Ramshock pushes it towards the door and quietly drives back into it's square.

Ramshock wins by KO

Burger Princess vs Terpsichora

Both weapons spin up. Sounds like a jet engine inside Burger Princess, but Terpsichora doesn't care. He smashes into the princess causing the front to cave in an awful lot. Burger Princess bounces off the wall and does some funky gyroing and settles itself. Twepsichora tries to get there before it gets up to speed but it just can't quite get there. Another hit causes the drum to lose a tooth. Same story for the next 4 hits. The gash goes through the entire plow and gets ripped off. Another smash finishes it off. Noah pulls out a Triple Whopper, puts the lettuce under his shoe, and eats the sandwich while watching his opponent slowly start to burn

Burger Princess wins by KO in 2:12

Theiving Magpie vs Backstab 3

It’s another battle between two very fast robots! Backstab initially rushes TMP, but TMP goes out sideways. Backstab almost gets its wedge under the corner of Thieving Magpie, but it backs off. Backstab takes a 360 degree flip, but shortly after that it gets under TMP and shoves it into the wall. TMP gets away, and gets another flip in, overturning Backstab. Backstab’s own, uhh… can it really even be called a flipper? Rights it, and – oh, it can be called a flipper! It finally managed to get TMP on top of it and overturn it, but TMP has a srimech too.

This is good, err, back and forth and forth and forth action, because honestly The Thieving Magpie is doing most of the work. Aside from occasional wheelies from TMP, Backstab just isn’t getting under it much. It gets wedged, but backs off, and TMP misses with a flip, giving Backstab another opportunity for a slam. TMP is pinned, despite firing the flipper to try to free itself. But the moment Backstab has to back off, TMP makes a beeline for it and flips it again.

Thieving Magpie is definitely looking for an OOTA here, but Backstab is doing a good job staying away from the low walls. Even so, TMP nearly gets it over one of the high ones – just not quite enough power! But both machines are still going strong at the end of the fight, other than TMP being fairly low on gas.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: The Thieving Magpie 3, Backstab 2
Aggression: The Thieving Magpie 2, Backstab 3
Control: The Thieving Magpie 4, Backstab 1

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is The Thieving Magpie!

Dreamchaser vs Killjoy II

Dreamchaser starts by strafing. And strafing. And strafing more. Guess what happens after? Strafing. But it's not doing any good, because Killjoy is staying right with it. Killjoy gets under and does it's thing. Dreamchaser would have gotten the saw arm if it wasn't being pinned by it. Oof. Red hot cut from the saw. Killjoy lets go and Dreamchaser gets under this time, but it doesn't do anything more than push the wedge away. Killjoy gets under again and now the cut has been made deeper. Looks like the dreams are burning, because there's obviously fire coming out of the top of Dreamchaser. It runs for another 20 seconds and slowly, eventually...stops.

Killjoy II wins by KO in 1:25


Hati vs Blue Max

Blue Max once again enters the fray upside down, confirming HFL’s fears in that regard. The battle starts with Hati roaring off to box rush the big spinner, which is a pretty standard strategy and one Goat was expecting. The spinner is up tae speed, though, and it delivers a punishing blow to the wedge, slicing a nice line into the face right across the eyes… aaaand propelling Blue Max into the wall. Less than idea for Goat, but whatever. The fight keeps on in a similar vein, with Hati repeatedly ramming Blue Max into the wall and taking chip damage for its troubles until about two minutes in. The bar skips up the wedge of Hati and tears one of the protective ears right off, slashing into the wheel and all but ripping it off. HFL is in full panic mode as Goat manages to escape, and a HUGE hit to the other wheel mount takes out the rest of the wedge’s mobility. Smiles all round the Angry Goat camp as they snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.

Winner: Blue Max, KO by Immobilization 02:29

[TO note: my intent was to start right-side up with Blue Max, and some might read the RP as such, but my explanation of such was vague enough that the writer's interpretation is logical, if people were curious about this :V]

Neophyte Redglare vs Neurotoxin

this is a big time oofer for neophyte, which both struggles to get under (since pressing makes its turning worse and lets neurotoxin angle in rather consistently), and loses out on a lot of aggression with its driver's attempts to play things passively. Now, to Syl's credit, they do get in a few good slams, but the entire match pulls is clearly in Neurotoxin's favor.

Aggression: 3-2 Neurotoxin
Damage: 3-2 Neurotoxin
Control: 3-2 Neurotoxin
Your winner, in a 9-6 decision, is Neurotoxin!

Axtinguisher vs Gigaflare

Both bots come out fairly quickly, Axtinguisher blowing a bit of propane vapor but failing to actually light its flamethrower, then start the old “I’m not touching you” game. Both of them have powerful top-attacking weapons and not much top armor, so neither of them want to be in a position where the other can hit them. Axtinguisher’s hanging back and trying to strafe to the side of Gigaflare, while Gigaflare’s advancing and trying to get it on its wedge. Despite its higher speed, its long, narrow body is making it hard for it to keep up with Axtinguisher’s strafing. Axtinguisher fires the hammer, but isn’t close enough. Its weapon has slightly more reach, but not that much past its own wedge, so it can’t hang back out of range all match.

Gigaflare finally wedges underneath Axtinguisher, and the claw starts to descend. But Axtinguisher fires its axe first! It’s at an angle, so it strikes the side of Gigaflare’s beak and scrapes along it, producing some sparks which finally light Axtinguisher’s flamethrower. It also lands two heavy blows on the top and side of Gigaflare. The force shifts it backward enough that its rear wheels start to get traction, but Gigaflare’s srimech arms actually end up tipping it up and sideways. Gigaflare can’t get a proper grip, but it does ram the high-centered Axtinguisher into the wall.

The circling begins again. Gigaflare lowers its claw a bit, raising its arms off the floor in the process. Now the wedge is narrower, and Axtinguisher almost gets around the side, but the srimech arms block its hammer blow! And Gigaflare gets under again. It only manages to bite down on Axtinguisher’s wedge, scraping and puncturing slightly, but meanwhile Axtinguisher is wailing on Gigaflare’s left self-righting arm. It wobbles up and down, then abruptly flops limply to the floor. Gigaflare lets go after that.

Another exchange, and Gigaflare finally manages to get a good grip, and bites down! The tip of its beak penetrates straight through Axtinguisher’s armor, and the hammer is hitting thin air! There’s a pop, and some vapor starts coming out of Gigaflare! Gigaflare sets off its spark cannons, and flames erupt from the inside of Axtinguisher! Looks like the claw hit either a fuel line or even the gas tank!

Gigaflare has to release Axtinguisher though, and Axtinguisher throws caution to the wind and comes out swinging like… a guy on fire swinging an axe. It rides up Gigaflare’s front wedge again, but delivers a big hit anyway, and another, and another as Gigaflare tries to retreat and line itself up to get a less risky grab. But now Gigaflare’s going in circles, and Axtinguisher goes full Yeti with another huge hit from the side, creasing Gigaflare’s armor downward. Axtinguisher limps away with its hammer still extended and smoke coming out of it, and stops moving about five seconds later, but that’s five seconds that Axtinguisher was displaying motion and Gigaflare wasn’t. Gigaflare gets counted out first!
Your winner, by knockout in 1:57, is Axtinguisher!

Frogbot vs Dragonfist

Frogbot rushes, Dragonfist spins up, Frogbot reaches Dragonfist and gets its left side wheelguard caved into the wheel. This shot is followed up by a hit to frogbot’s front wedge by the shell itself that makes the shell spinner fly away to the middle of the arena. Frogbot is struggling to follow, despite its aggressive arcing towards Dragonfist. Rocket tries to reach around to the side of frogbot again, but frog’s able to defend himself better this time. problem is, rocket can just kinda sit at flail range and chip away at the front of frogbot, completely preventing any retaliation, and eventually leading to a KO.
Your winner, by KO in 0:55, is Dragonfist!

--- vs Flame Grilled

Well, with no one to fight, some smartass puts a working grill in the other square.

Actual Grill stands it's ground. It fires up the flamethrower as the coals burn, a roasted chicken on top. Flame Grilled charges towards it and tips it over. The coals spill onto the wedge "HOT HOT HOT" yells TBR as it turns on Flame Grilled's flamethrower while wildly swinging the meat tenderizer. Actual Grill is having trouble driving on it's side. It releases it's roast chicken. Actual Grill isn't looking too good and I don't think it's getting up anytime soon. The chicken gets flipped on to the hot coals stuck to Flame Grilled's wedge as it begins to pound the meat. It's looking a bit charred but still edible when the buzzer sounds.

Flame Grilled wins by KO

Vortex vs Outrage

AGAIN WITH THE DAMNED 1HIT MATCHES GHWEJKM<FNWNKQDQWDJQWD damned list randomizer. Yeah so the box rush doesn’t work, and the impact immediately puts a gigiantic gash in vortex. Outrage flops around dangerously, but stays stable long enough to get in the followup hit that disables Vortex.
Your winner, by KO in 0:48, is Outrage!

Smackdown vs Dredd

The two bots meet in the middle of the arena, and Dredd immediately backpedals when Smackdown fires its axe. The enormous length of the shaft (and that’s the first time anyone’s said that about something of Pat’s) causes it to unbalance, catapulting it around as it whiffs on the hit and strikes the arena floor instead. Dredd just shoves it around and keeps striking it with the punch bar, and it’s just three minutes of the Patbot being thoroughly bullied. Probably for being way too into children’s cartoons. It has to go to the judges, but it’s really a formality.

Aggression: Dredd 4 — 1 Smackdown
Damage: Dredd 3 — 2 Smackdown
Control: Dredd 5 — 0 Smackdown

Winner: Dredd, 12-3 JD

Champ vs Harpy

The two bots meet head-on, and Harpy easily outwedges the crusher. It mashes it into the wall over… and over… and over… and yeah okay this is a dull fight to right up.

Aggression: Harpy 4 — 1 Champ
Damage: Harpy 3 — 2 Champ
Control: Harpy 5 — 0 Champ

Winner: Harpy, JD 12-3


Coronal Mass Ejection vs Boy Flaily

CME pushes forward out of the starting blocks and heads straight towards the whirling dervish that is Boy Flaily. Ya boi Flaily’s flails are plinking off the front plough and deflecting upwards, scoring long lines into the top section of the flipper’s armour, but CME is easily able to close the distance and get underneath the spinner. One flip, ten seconds, goodnight Vienna.

Winner: Coronal Mass Ejection, KO by Immobilization, 00:49

Death Metal vs Neuromancer

This is gonna be a classic matchup, folks: a powerful horizontal spinner against a fast spinner-killing lifting wedge.

Death Metal immediately heads out of its corner, starting to spin the bar up, but Neuromancer is out of the gates like a bullet, and the match timer is only at 2:57 when it smacks into Death Metal and knocks it away. Death Metal remains stable, though, and after another glancing blow finally manages to get its bar up to full speed after an uphill battle. Neuromancer rams it regardless though, and this time Death Metal bounces off and sends itself flying across the arena, gyrodancing on its rear. Before it can spin down enough to get back on its wheels, Neuromancer gives it a shove into the high arena wall.

A huge impact shakes the arena. Death Metal bounces off the wall and vaults over Neuromancer. The bar hits the floor and stops, and DM falls back onto its wheels, but one of the top crossbars of the wall has just been chopped through – half the segment is missing, half is bent downward, and the vertical members supporting it looks like they’re buckled a little too. Death Metal starts to spin back up, though, and is able to get into the middle of the arena. There’s a couple more low-speed hits before it gets another big one, tearing another hole in Neuromancer’s plow.

Death Metal almost pirouettes into the wall, but stops just short. Neuromancer charges it again, but does so right as Death Metal’s making a left turn to get away from the wall. The bar catches its plow close to the side, but without much engagement. It’s not a very big hit, but it spins Neuromancer around and pulls Death Metal forward. There’s another impact and Death Metal recoils into the wall, but Neuromancer’s back right wheel goes tumbling away.

Neuromancer can still drive, though, and with Death Metal’s bar slowed Neuromancer takes advantage, pinning it against the wall and trying to burn it over on its side or back. It doesn’t succeed in that department, but it does flip Death Metal upside-down.

The bots continue to spar, with Neuromancer taking a couple more gashes in its plow near the top. Death Metal has another near miss on the wall, but gets away and spins up again. Neuromancer is in pursuit, Death Metal turns, and unfortunately for Neuromancer it came in turned a little too far to the right while Death Metal was turning left to face it, and Neuromancer’s supposedly “ABR” plow has very minimal side panels that really don’t leave it much margin for error, especially at the height where Death Metal’s bar hits when it’s inverted. As a result, Death Metal’s bar catches the edge of Neuromancer’s plow and just cleaves into it, as well as flinging both bots across the arena.

Neuromancer’s got a massive bite taken out of its plow now, and the whole things is essentially turned right relative to the rest of the bot. It goes after Death Metal again, but another couple of hits and the mangled plow is ripped free of its body. Another hit destroys the left front wheel, tears off the panels on the front of the exposed left frame rail, and bends the whole frame rail inward about fifteen degrees. And that’s a tap-out from Neuromancer since, y’know, it’s only the third round of groups and now the only viable strategy is to pray that Death Metal’s weapon dies in the next couple hits.

Your winner, by knockout in 2:15, is Death Metal!

Magnolia Grande vs Lambastor

Magnolia Grande really has its work cut out for it in this fight: Lambastor has attached its very sturdy anti-spinner scoop.

Unfortunately for Lambastor, said scoop only works when pointed at the opponent, and about twenty seconds in it manages to totally screw up and give Magnolia a clear shot at its right side because it missed the memo about trying to flank horizontal spinners being a bad idea. Magnolia Grande’s bar tears right through the wheelguards, tearing off one wheel and bending the other axle, killing Lambastor’s drive on that side. Lambastor’s stuck going around in circles, and Magnolia Grande soon gets another solid hit which disables Lambastor entirely.

Your winner, by knockout in 0:54, is Magnolia Grande!


Tongue of the Fatman vs ---

With a lot of extra help, Abbatoir is working for this fight. It moves 10 yards, then starts smoking as the blade slowly begins to turn. Tongue of the Fatman turns it's ugly head and gets under Abbatoir. It gets flipped on it's head. Someone says Abbatoir by name three times, and it magically dissapears.

Tongue of the Fatman wins by Black Magic at 4:20

Starstruck vs The CMC

One of the Patbots charges forward with the other two trying to flank. StarStruck’s weapon easily reaches the chassis of the clusterbot and, well, it is torn apart. The other two do manage to get in a good flick, but Dylan self-rights and backs off a bit, keeping to the corner by the high walls and biding his time. Eventually, the other two flippers get mulched.

Winner: StarStruck: KO by Mass Slaughter, 00:49

Highland Fling vs Vertigo

Both weapons spin up. Vertigo: Hungry, strong, dangerous. HF: Powerful, Fearless...Hiding? Vertigo is going forward chasing it but HF stops in it's tracks. And so does Vertigo. Highland Fling sits there for a good while as Vertigo waits. HF is starting to get counted out. Trihunter has to move. So it deglunks, and under goes Vertigo. HF gets flung to the Highlands and onto it's head where it makes dents and circular paint scratches in the floor.

Vertigo wins by KO in 0:52

Tulta Munille vs Tabor

The problem here for Wolf is that, while Tabor indeed struggles to press, it is very good at angling in. his bot, on the flipside, is about as long as


...something long, and he struggles to react to the angling of Tabor's wedge to the outside corner of his flipper, which lets rocket shove him about for a bit. In general, the fight flip flops back and forth between that, and TM going on rather impressive flip chains, one of which eventually throws Tabor out of the arena.

Your winner, by KO in 1:55, is Tulta Munille!

ICR Speedwagon vs Carbon Z

Carbon Z vs. ICR Speedwagon (HW Week 3) Battle:- Carbon Z kicks off with a box rush to get underneath ICR’s wedge, and with his better control and less slippery drive GF is easily able to get underneath and grip, lifting up and shoving the racecar backwards into the short wall. ICR gets slammed around like this for the next twenty seconds, and Carbon Z only lets up when the ref forces him to. Every time, though, he’s able to get back underneath the Speedwagon and carry it around, the flipper totally unable to do anything. It’s… a bit of a one-note fight, if I’m honest, and the judges agree with me.

Aggression: Carbon Z 3 — 2 ICR Speedwagon
Damage: Carbon Z 3 — 2 ICR Speedwagon
Control: Carbon Z 5 — 0 ICR Speedwagon

Winner: Carbon Z, 11-4 JD
‽ ROBOTICS (208 - 108 lifetime)

Cuddle Time!: 3-1
Scion: 3-1
Chimera V: 3-0
Delorean Cowboy: 0-3

Cygnus: 0-0
Endless Clowns: 0-0
Visual Assault: 0-0
Sleep Time!: 0-0

Inb4 Gabe's next bot is named "653.232 Daves" ~Hiicantpk

I have reinforced plastic for brains ~Hide

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Re: ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Mon Jul 30, 2018 10:04 pm


RP here:

Those who are fighting a madman (laz) bot - He's pulled out, we're gonna see about getting in a replacement. if there's no replacement by wednesday, you get an FF win. congrats? :V

the bot on the left is in the red square, the bot on the right is in the blue square. keep in mind that the arena is asymmetrical, and this might affect your strategy.


Private Iron vs Bruxish

Welcome to another exciting edition of ARC On Ice! Both these bots have had issues with weight distribution making them difficult to drive, so this could be interesting.

Private Iron has for some reason started out inverted, I guess cutting out the middleman. It immediately fires up its weapon, but hangs back a little which gives Bruxish time to box rush across the arena and, uhh, reach its approximate location. It lines itself up again as Private Iron goes for its front end, but the Private gyros over sideways and does some sort of weird unintentional pirouette because when inverted its control is even worse, and it has a higher center of gravity and a narrower base but still the same high gyroscopic forces. Bruxish ends up getting completely behind it and tosses it high into the air. Private Iron lands inverted and comes in again, this time actually managing to make contact and scraping some gouges into the side of Bruxish’s wedge. However, it can’t really bite in, and Bruxish ends up wedging it. It tries pushing PI towards the low wall, but again Private Iron’s gyroscopic forces just spin it away.

Bruxish chases the retreating Private Iron towards the center of the arena, and rams right into PI’s weapon. That puts some more gouges into Bruxish’s flipper, but again it’s just not biting into the titanium. Bruxish fires its flipper, giving Private Iron some more airtime, but there’s a big hit which nearly stops Private Iron’s spinner and throws sparks everywhere in the process. Even when you’re solidly under the weapon supports that’s a dangerous bot to try to flip when it’s inverted.

Private Iron faceplants, but fortunately has enough momentum to kick itself back to an inverted position. It runs away while it spins back up. Bruxish is still on the attack, but the tongue of that flipper looks like it might be bent! Private Iron struggles to attack again, accidentally spinning around and flipping itself upright, then turning onto its back again as it tries to spin around to face Bruxish. It gets away though and comes in, scraping Bruxish’s side again and flipping itself upright with the impact.

Now Private Iron is a bit more controllable, and it actually manages to keep its weapon pointed at Bruxish. It takes another flip anyway, but on another attack it catches the lip of Bruxish’s flipper and sends it flying onto its back. Bruxish self-rights and scuttles away, but the tongue is really bent upward now. It does its best to try to get around the side of PI, but, well, neither of these robots can maneuver all that well, and it pays dearly, exposing its own side and taking a huge blow that just cleaves almost halfway through the side panel and sends Bruxish well over halfway to the arena ceiling.

Bruxish, incredibly, is still mobile after that, but… well, the hit didn’t improve its control. It almost gets PI in OOTA position after getting under it while it was gyrodancing, but PI gyro-turned away, flipping itself over again. It self-rights, and gets another head-on collision with Bruxish. Again, Bruxish goes flying, and there’s something that came out of it! It lands inverted. PI smacks it again, tossing it into the air and righting it as well as putting another hole in its side armor. Bruxish’s flipper is now raised at an abormal angle, and there’s broken bungee cords hanging out of the robot! That’s it for their weapon! Bruxish gets under PI’s side anyway and pins it against the wall, but after it’s released PI charges into it, and BANG! That had to be nearly seven feet in the air! Bruxish crashes down near the wall, inverted with its bent flipper arm pointing one way and its chassis the other. Its ram fires and pops it into the air, and after several attempts it bounces off the wall and rolls upright, but then it becomes apparent that it’s not moving.

Your winner, by knockout in 2:27, is Private Iron!

Tree Surgeon vs Hat Garage

Both bots come out swinging, but after the first couple of exchanges, with Hat Garage getting under Tree Surgeon every time, it becomes clear that Tree Surgeon is badly outmatched. It manages to get under Hat Garage’s extended punching bar from the side one and brings the saw down on the arm, but it doesn’t appear to do more than scuff up the arm, and otherwise it’s all Hat Garage. By a minute in, Tree Surgeon seems to have become resigned to its fate, and is pretty much just practicing its J-hooking skills with mixed success, because even when it can get free of HG’s wedge it can’t translate that into any kind of successful attack that gets HG within saw reach.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Tree Surgeon 3, Hat Garage 2
Aggression: Tree Surgeon 1, Hat Garage 4
Control: Tree Surgeon 0, Hat Garage 5

Your winner, by an 11-4 Judges’ Decision, is Hat Garage!

The Mafia vs Riptide

With Riptide’s drivetrain advantage and strong armor, this should be an easy win for it. Unfortunately, what actually happens is that Riptide’s weapon motor burns out around 30 seconds in, and then eventually Godfather somehow gets under its skids and tosses Riptide halfway across the arena and inverts it. Then another hit gets Riptide stuck on its face.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:21, is The Mafia!

(Riptide Forfeits)

Buzzcut vs The Beast from the West

Beast From the West comes out swinging, as does Buzzcut. Buzzcut tries to get under the side of Beast’s wedge, which works initially and lets it slam Buzzcut into the wall, but on the next exchange Beast is able to get under Buzzcut and tosses it into the air. Beast continues attacking, but is getting wedged a lot more often than not, especially after it gets flipped on its back by a slam on its side that spins it around and makes it gyro itself over.

Now, Beast is getting some hits in, and it does bend some of Buzzcut’s hinged spikes a bit, but it’s not doing a good job avoiding contact when it isn’t up to speed. And every time Buzzcut gets under, it’s taking a good ten seconds or more off the match clock. It goes the full three minutes with both bots working, leaving the judges’ work cut out for them.

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Buzzcut 2, The Beast From the West 3
Aggression: Buzzcut 3, The Beast From the West 2
Control: Buzzcut 4, The Beast From the West 1

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Buzzcut!

Captain Trips vs To Fry

Pat didn't show up this time for whatever reason. Fortunately, someone managed to rebuild the Lego version of it, and has set it in the blue square.

Captain Trips accelerates towards it, and... You know Stewbot? Yeah, that happens again.

Captain Trips wins by FF

Runaway Rabbit vs Salamandra

Both bots come out fast and furious, trying to get those initial aggression points. Salamandra immediately hits Level 3 on the Galaxy Brain meme, which is extra-silly because Salamandra has worse control, but he gets under Runaway Rabbit anyway. However, RR backs off before Salamandra can get the saw in. Runaway Rabbit tries to angle in again, but Salamandra spins to face it and wedges it, bringing the saw down on the top of RR’s flipper. For some reason RR doesn’t think of firing its flipper.

And it’s basically three minutes of this. Runaway Rabbit gets a flip in once, and even gets a followup as Salamandra self-rights, but that doesn’t seem to have damaged the saw at all and otherwise it just can’t deal with Salamandra’s wedge and wide body. Salamandra, on the other hand, can’t do anything significant with its saw either. It tears off Runaway Rabbit’s fabric ears, miraculously not getting them stuck in its weaponry, and gets a couple slices in on the wheels, but it can’t do more than take chunks off the tires and scratch up RR’s armor a bit.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Runaway Rabbit 2, Salamandra 3
Aggression: Runaway Rabbit 3, Salamandra 2
Control: Salamandra 1, Runaway Rabbit 4

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Salamandra!

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper vs V900's Old Printer

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper spends 3 minuts suplexing a goddamn printer around the arena and y'all are somehow entertained by this.

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper wins by not being a printer.

Vorpal Bunny vs Epic Waluigi

Both bots are starting upside down in their squares. Interesting. Anyway, both bots leave their squares as they spin up, steadily approaching one another, VB stopping in the middle, waiting for Noah to make the first move. Noah gets going, trying to angle in on the top, but HFL is prepared, and manages to angle both blades to collide, to dramatic effect. One of EW's blades has come clean off, and the bot is hopping up and down like a Goomba in a shoe. This destabilisation is difficult for Noah to handle, allowing for VB to close in and give the left wheel a gentle love tap, sending it clean across the arena. EW spins around in circles, struggling with mobility, as VB spins up one more time and pops off the rear wheel, along with a solid hunk of the rear chassis, rendering it immobile.

Vorpal Bunny wins by KO in 0:36.


Splashdown vs Hobart

Splashdown quickly melties up to full speed, but takes a while to get out of its corner. However, Hobart is hanging back, waiting for its own weapon to spin up, and that gives Splashdown time to get a decent distance from the walls. It finally advances, going for the side of Splashdown for some reason. Splashdown jukes sideways a little itself, and there’s a HUGE HIT! Pieces go flying, and Splashdown is hurled across the arena while Hobart gets spun away with its forks completely torn off. Both robots spin back up and go at each other again, and it’s another HUGE HIT weapon-on-weapon. Splashdown goes flying again, but Hobart pirouettes sideways, flips over on its side, and slams into the arena wall with batteries trailing out its back end and its weapon support frame twisted and crumpled so badly it looks like it would hit itself even if it was still upright. Let’s see if the srimech works… no, no it doesn’t. It’s as simple as that!

Your winner, by knockout in 0:35, is Splashdown!

Icebreaker vs Flash Flood

Icebreaker spins up it's discs as it is being charged by Flash Flood. Flash Flood gets under as the spinners grind against the wedge. No major damage dealt though. Icebreaker can't seem to gain any purchase on that wedge. It's just too slow to drive away or get to the less meaty sides of FF. FF even flips it at one point. But this match was pretty easy to figure out.

Aggression: 11-4 Flash Flood
Damage: 10-5 Icebreaker
Strategy: 11-4 Flash Flood

Flash Flood wins 27-18

Der Metzgermeister vs Lilian

Both robots come out cautiously. Der Metzgermeister easily gets its disc up to speed, and raises its arm partway to about vertical. Lilian attempts to circle around the side of Der Metgzermeister. DM initially keeps up, but it does have gyro forces acting on it, and raising the arm with a heavy spinning disc on the end over its head actually does affect its center of gravity. It starts to tip sideways, but because DM’s spinner is going the wrong way the effect is reversed and its forward-moving wheels are the ones on the ground. DM shoots forward in a turn, nearly flipping on its side and missing Lilian completely. Lilian wasn’t expecting that, but it readjusts and goes for Der Metzgermeister again as Alex desperately lowers the arm. DM backs away just in time, and Lilian’s hammer slams down and puts a massive dent in the Union Jack on its right wedge.

Both robots back off and reset. Der Metzgermeister tries moving its arm almost all the way forward, but that takes too much weight off its wheels, and it’s forced to carry it cocked back. However, this does make it more stable, and despite both bots trying to get to each other’s sides neither is able to pull it off, and DM isn’t gyrodancing enough to create real openings for Lilian to exploit. Eventually they end up meeting more or less head-on, and despite DM uses hinged wedgelets on a 2WD bot, it gets under Lilian’s plow thanks to the two independent hinges. Both machines are at an angle where they should be able to hit. Lilian fires its hammer, and Der Metzgermeister brings down the disc. But Lilian’s tilted backwards, and Der Metzgermeister’s wedge is taller than its main body, whereas Lilian’s chassis sticks out above the top of its wedge, which makes up for DM’s limited reach. Lilian hits thin air, but Der Metzgermeister’s disc comes down right on top of Lilian’s chassis, shredding right through the weak armor.

Lilian gets away before Der Metzgermeister can force it into the wall. It’s still able to drive, but there’s a huge gash in the top and the whole top right side armor assembly is loose and pulled noticeably forward. The bot’s emitting a loud hiss. I think the pneumatics might be damaged, and so does Gabe apparently. He charges straight back in on Der Metzgermeister, and manages to juke sideways and get DM to gyro in the wrong direction, then gets under its left corner. It fires the hammer!

That’s a direct hit, flattening the chef’s hat on DM’s right side and hitting it so hard the top right access panel is knocked free of the robot, and it’s mushroomed way downward. Lilian gets another hit, warping DM’s remaining armor, but that hammer blow definitely looked slower than the last one, and the retraction is positively anemic. Der Metzgermeister spins away, but there’s smoke coming out of its right side now, and it isn’t moving normally. The right wheel is probably dead, but it is able to move around in a controllable fashion, and keeps its wedge pointed at Lilian to keep it at bay for a few more seconds. Lilian darts in and brings the hammer down on DM’s wedge again, but the weapon takes what looks like at least half a second to come down, and it doesn’t even scratch the armor. Worse, it doesn’t retract at all.
So, now it’s one robot with no weapon and one robot with half a drivetrain. This pretty much creates a standoff, because Lilian does not want to take another hit, but also leaves it hanging back because Der Metzgermeister is actually chasing it, albeit slowly and clumsily. After a lot of waiting it gets to the side of Der Metzgermeister and forces it into the wall, but on another attempt DM spins around and takes a big chunk out of Lilian’s hammer shaft with its disc – not sure if that was intentional or not. Der Metzgermeister also manages to get under Lilian once more, but not far enough, and is only able to hit the wedge and put some scratches on it. And with that, it goes to the judges!

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Der Metzgermeister 3, Lilian 2
Aggression: Der Metzgermeister 2, Lilian 3
Control: Der Metzgermeister 3, Lilian 2
Wow. That was the closest judges’ decision I think we’ve had in this tournament, with the judges being split on all three categories. But your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is… Der Metzgermeister!

Bluebot vs Twin Typhoons

All three machines spin up, and quite quickly at that. Bluebot goes for a box rush, and while both Twin Typhoons are able to reach full speed they can’t get far out of their corner. Bluebot slams into Satono, bouncing it into the wall and then scooping it up and tossing it high into the air with the eggbeater. Satono crashes down inverted. Bluebot thinks about going after it, but Mai is now maneuvering behind it, and Bluebot changes targets. It charges into Mai, sending Mai flying halfway across the arena. Both melties are still spinning, though, and Bluebot has a nasty gash in its front wedge. Blue’s able to line up a shot on Satono, angling into its spin direction – and Satono gets flung over the arena wall! It hits the Lexan about five feet up, and almost bounces back in, but lands on the high wall not quite far in enough and topples into the gap. Not even fifteen seconds in, and half of the cluster is eliminated!

Mai comes to its twin’s rescue too late, but it’s able to get another good hit on Bluebot’s wedge, and richochets safely away. Bluebot stays on the attack, but can’t get to Mai before it’s spinning at full speed again. Another huge impact sends both robots spinning, and gyroscopic forces cause Bluebot to tilt dangerously. The entire wedge assembly now appears to be bent significantly to the right. Mai’s been sent into the wall, though. It has to get away from there fast! Bluebot comes in, and gets another solid hit with the eggbeater, tossing Mai into the air. It lands pretty much on top of Bluebot, stopping the beater, but Bluebot’s under it. It forces Mai into the wall and tries to push it onto its side, but can’t get it stuck. It releases the pin and spins back up, but that lets Mai spin up too.

Bluebot charges again, but this time Mai catches the tip of its warped wedge. Bluebot goes spinning away, and the wedge is now jammed upward even further. It doesn’t really have an option besides attacking, but now it’s not able to do much of anything with its own weapon. There’s a couple more glancing blows, and then another massive impact tears the left corner piece off the lopsided wedge.

Bluebot gets another pin, but its wedge is useless now, and all it can do is hold Mai in place. The left side of its drivetrain dies in a puff of smoke near the end of the match, and after another big hit from Mai with five seconds left it looks like the right side might have gone as well, but both bots make it to the judges’ decision. One of Mai’s bracing struts is also bent, but other than that it’s basically unscathed.

Damage: Bluebot 1, Twin Typhoons 4 (one half got OOTA’d but the cluster overall still had a functioning weapon, while Bluebot effectively lost its weapon due to wedge damage, lost half its drive, and was saved by the bell from getting KO’d)
Aggression: Bluebot 4, Twin Typhoons 1
Control: Bluebot 2, Twin Typhoons 3

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Twin Typhoons!

Backstab 3 vs Burger Princess

Burger Princess starts spinning up, but it’s barely out of its corner when Backstab 3 rams it and smacks it into the wall. BP gets away and is at a decent speed before it gets hit again. This time Backstab 3 gets spun away and BP tosses itself into the middle of the arena. Something something UP TAE SPEED NOW BOIZ. Unfortunately Backstab manages to get under the side horns of Burger Princess this time, tipping it backward enough that its disc scrapes the floor. It turns and catches Backstab’s wedge again, though, and this time a piece of metal goes flying away and both robots are flung sideways.

This is fairly normal horizontal spinner vs. wedge action. However, Backstab has a problem, namely that putting a blue wedge underneath your regular wedge doesn’t actually prevent horizontal spinners from catching the edges of those little fingers on your regular wedge. Burger Princess keeps bending them, then tearing them off, which seems to overall improve Backstab’s wedge actually. And Burger Princess keeps flinging itself into walls and is having trouble getting up to full speed. Halfway through the fight Backstab finally pins it and gets under far enough to turn it on its back, which puts the blade high enough that it doesn’t catch Backstab’s “fingers.” With thirty seconds left an impact turns BP upright again, though, and a subsequent hit peels the lower corner plate of Backstab’s ABR wedge outward.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Backstab 3 2, Burger Princess 3
Aggression: Backstab 3 4, Burger Princess 1
Control: Backstab 3 3, Burger Princess 2

Your winner, by a 99-6… I mean a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Backstab 3!

Ramshock vs Dreamchaser

Both parties FF'd here. Coinflip time.

Ramshock wins by FF.

Terpsichora vs An Actual Kite

Ha ha, HFL, you're very funny. You put a box kite in the arena as a joke since Krakatoa didn't show up. Not everyone watches your chinese cartoons, you know. Anyway, Terpsichora destroys the kite pretty much instantly, but gets entangled in the fabric. It's a double knockout.

Terspichora wins by FF

Killjoy II vs Thieving Magpie

As expected, it's an angle-in-o-rama. Killjoy and Mags come speeding at each other the moment the battle starts, but Shaba's superior control and slightly higher top speed allows the Britflipper to get underneath the rightmost pontoon of Killjoy and hurl the sawbot skyward. The obvious strategy of going for the OOTA is working... sort of well for Mags, but its flipper isn't quite powerful enough to get Killjoy over the wall on its own, even the low one. However, it's still sustained aggression, as the sawbot can't really get going or bring its weapon to bear. It's three minutes of being hurled around the place, and an obvious judges' decision is avoided only by Killjoy's saw arm managing to get completely stuck on one of the wall extenders, forcing a countout.

Winner: The Thieving Magpie, KO by Immobilization, 2:34


Gigaflare vs Neophyte Redglare

2hu vs. hamsteak: which is a more irritating fanbase? Time to find out. The two bots crash into each other in the middle of the arena, with the wedge war initially going Gigaflare's way. Unfortunately, NR is able to J-hook away before the beak can come down, so it's back to square one. This time, the impact favours NR, as the wedgelets manage to get under Tri's self-righting pontoons. NR barrels forward, using its lifter and its superior torque to bowl Gigaflare over. It's a back and forth kind of match, with Gigaflare's crusher and NR's lifter coming into play about as often as each other, and the final judges' decision is commensurately close.

Damage: Gigaflare 3 - 2 Neophyte Redglare
Aggression: Neophyte Redglare 3 - 2 Gigaflare
Control: Neophyte Redglare 3 - 2 Gigaflare

Winner: Neophyte Redglare, 8-7 JD

Blue Max vs Frogbot

Goatboi is trying to use his drivetrain's... let's call them idiosyncracies to his advantage, banking on the squirrelliness of his robot to mean he gets chances to speed up and deal serious damage. This is, er. Not how that works out. While it's certainly an interesting strategy, Frogbot is able to rush in and tank the initial hit. Blue Max bounces around the place, its blade all but totally stopped by the floor, and Frogbot's right hand eye has a great big gash in the middle of it, but the flipper is able to recover quickly enough to get a flip on the steveout-clone without suffering too much damage in return. This is... basically how the rest of the match goes. Frogbot can't get the ringout, but its constant aggression and rushing means Blue Max just can't get up to speed. Cease is called and the judges have to make a decision.

Damage: Blue Max 4 - 1 Frogbot 2000
Aggression: Frogbot 2000 3 - 2 Blue Max
Control: Frogbot 2000 4 - 1 Blue Max

Winner: Frogbot 2000, 8-7 JD

Neurotoxin vs Hati

Hati notices NT's bugle right away and owo-what's-dis-es right into the grabber/lifter/thinger/majigger, managing to get under it despite Badnik trying to angle in at the last moment. Hati then continues bowling it over, forcing Neurotoxin to waste time self-righting before it can J-hook away. This is basically the entire fight, with NT and Hati switching places fairly often. NT gets a slam into the wall here, Hati shoves NT around there, it's all a bit much of a muchness when it comes to writing an interesting fight. Cease is called after a tense driving match.

Damage: Hati 3 - 2 Neurotoxin
Aggression: Hati 3 - 2 Neurotoxin
Control: Neurotoxin 3 - 2 Hati

Winner: Hati, 8-7 JD

Dragonfist vs Axtinguisher

“What's the point? Just don't show up, there's no point in trying if there's legitimately nothing I can do to win -- especially if I can lose to a bot of a similar kind with fucking two armour!”

- Alex V, storming out of the pits five minutes ago.

All right, buddy, we’ll take your word for it! Axtinguisher doesn’t show up. Instead, Dragonfist gets to tear open an actual fire extinguisher with its flails. Shit, that was one of the chemical powder ones, not a CO2 extinguisher, wasn’t it? Cleanup in the arena!

Oh, and because Alex decided to (a) be disrespectful to his opponent by forfeiting on purpose and not giving them a real fight, and (b) put a complaint about a previous loss to the SAME PERSON in his RP, his pit neighbors have decided to rearrange all the drill bits and screw drivers in his toolbox.

Dragonfist Wins By FF

Dredd vs Vortex

Vortex immediately spins up its drum and charges out… and immediately gets wedged. It thrusts its drum forward at Dredd’s face, but the thing’s reach is too short to actually make contact. With Vortex’s weight tipped a little backward the bots are almost at a deadlock in terms of pushing power, but Vortex is slowly but surely forcing Dredd backwards as both sets of tires squeal. Dredd finally breaks the stalemate by shoving Vortex back with its punching bar, but almost gets clipped on the side as it maneuvers away.

The two meet more or less head-on again, and again Vortex gets wedged. This time it manages to make contact with one of the teeth on top of Dredd, but the drum just scrapes against it and is barely touching. Vortex has the slight pushing power advantage again, but neither of them can do much with it. As Dredd disengages Vortex rushes forward again and gets a hit on its extended punching bar, flipping Dredd on its back!

Dredd’s still mobile, though, and shortly afterward Vortex gets temporarily stuck on something on the arena floor. It jiggles itself free with its lifter just before the ref starts the countdown. The robots lock horns again, and smoke is coming from both sets of tires! Dredd fires the spark cannons in its wheels for dramatic effect, and that seems to have actually done something, because it forces Vortex backwards and rams it against the wall! Vortex maneuvers away, but its drivetrain seems to lack the potency it one did, and Dredd easily gets to its side and slams it into the wall again.

And what’s this? Vortex isn’t moving! It rocks its lifter back and forth, and briefly one wheel seems to bite and it twitches, but then it becomes stationary again, and despite its best efforts it’s counted out! Unfortunately, tire wear is a thing in combat robotics; losing a couple millimeters of tread over the course of a fight isn’t abnormal, and Vortex only had a couple millimeters of ground clearance to start with, and this time it got into an intense pushing battle where it was constantly spinning its tires. Dredd has also left trails of burnt rubber all over our nice floor, but it has enough ground clearance that it’s still mobile, and that means…

Your winner, by knockout in 2:27, is Dredd!

Flame Grilled vs Champ

Flame Grilled comes out fast, trying to get to Champ’s side. Champ maneuvers a bit to get its wedge facing Flame Grilled. FG comes in with the hammer! Champ tries to back off, but isn’t quite quick enough, and takes a hit to the lower jaw which bends one of the teeth downward a bit, but this lets Champ move in and get underneath Flame Grilled. It can’t get it actually up on the teeth to clamp down though, and FG gets away.

A couple more blows are exchanged, one of them missing, but Champ’s having a lot of trouble getting Flame Grilled in its clamping jaws. It finally gets a grip on FG’s front wedge, and FG can’t quite reach its top jaw with the hammer. Champ slowly forces it to the wall and pins it as long as is legal, but takes another hammer hit to its top jaw as it releases and backs away.

There’s a lot of back and forth hair without much being done. FG gets under the corner of Champ and finally is able to wail on it with the hammer several times, bending the top jaw a bit more and gouging up the Lexan, and the flamethrower’s working, but it doesn’t seem to be dealing much damage. Champ can’t get a good grab either though, until finally it actually grabs FG’s hammer head after it swings down on the lower jaw. But neither robot is able to push or drag the other around.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Champ 2, Flame Grilled 3
Aggression: Champ 2, Flame Grilled 3
Control: Champ 3, Flame Grilled 2

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Flame Grilled!

Outrage vs The Laws of Physics

Outrage has yet to explode so far, so I think we all know who wins this.

Outrage wins by how the fuck even does this exist

Harpy vs Smackdown

Okay, Smackdown comes out and immediately gets an early hammer blow on Harpy’s plow, but gets wedge and shoved into the wall in the process. It swings its axe violently, trying to free itself, but Harpy is able to wrestle it into the corner, where it’s pounded mercilessly into submission by the pulveri – no, wait, there’s nothing there. It just gets flails itself on top of Harpy eventually and gets pushed back off. Harpy then proceeds to charge Smackdown again, although it takes a couple hammer blows to the top in the process, and shoves it straight into the screws! Oh, Smackdown’s getting chewed up! This could be it for – no wait, that’s a wall.

The fight continues, with Smackdown getting some good shots in but doing no real damage to Harpy, which continues to bully it around the arena. It reaches the two minute mark, and it’s time for Harpy to put on the afterburners! It takes Smackdown for a ride over the killsaws! Sparks fly! No, wait, sparks did fly much earlier, when Death Metal tore that hole in the arena floor that kinda looks like a killsaw if you squint at it the right way and you’re standing on the blue driver’s platform, but they don’t now. No wait, there’s sparks! Oh man, Smackdown could lose a wheel to that – no, wait, Smackdown just got high-centered on the floor seam and hit the floor with its axe to free itself, which made a couple sparks.

Anyway, Danielle FINALLY notices what arena she’s in, and pushes Smackdown around for the rest of the match.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Smackdown V2 3, Harpy 2
Aggression: Smackdown V2 2, Harpy 3
Control: Smackdown V2 1, Harpy 4

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Harpy!

Oh, and during the handshake Pat is very surprised to discover his opponent was in fact a woman.


Lambastor vs Death Metal

Lambastor is incredibly aggressive, but it’s also not really able to control death metal much – shaba does a good job of timing and placing her hits right to keep lambastor away. It doesn’t deal much damage because the thing’s a tank, but it still makes for one hell of a 3 minutes.

Aggression: 3-2 Lambastor
Damage: 3-2 Death Metal
Control: 3-2 Death Metal
Your winner, in an 8-7 decision, is Death Metal!

Boy Flaily vs Tongue of the Fatman

Oh jesus fuck :v

Boy Flaily spins up the flails while trundling slowly while Fatman swerves it's way towards the opponent. Both bots are charging at each other and the flails have extended. Here we go. And in 3...2...1......HOLY FUCK. Ok so good news and bad news for both bots. Good news for Fatman: it flipped Flaily, who is now going into batshit berserker mode with it's body spinning like a motherfucker. Good news for Flaily: it got flipped, but as it got flicked up, the flails hit the rather unarmored body, and I'm like, 99% sure I saw the face on Fatman just frown. Giant ass hole on the right side along with a twisted flipper. Bad news for both bots: Double KO. Who's it gonna go to?

Aggression: 8-7 Boy Flaily
Damage: 10-5 (BF's massive damage in favor of Fatman's flip)
Strategy: 9-6 TotF

Boy Flaily wins 24-21

Neuromancer vs Coronal Mass Ejection

The battle starts with CME going for a head-on collision, while Neuromancer accelerates forward and manages to pick its battleground in the centre of the arena. There's an almighty clang, and CME just manages to get underneath Goatboi's central fork, which leads to him trying to monstertruck his way out of this situation. This, er, doesn't really work. The angle is too steep for Neuromancer to screw with the flipping angle too much before it gets sent flying by the flipper. It tumbles for a bit but rights itself before CME can get another flip in, and this time Neuromancer is able to get its forks underneath the flipping plate of the Atomic knockoff at a slightly oblique angle. It shoves CME towards the low wall, but HFL is able to J-hook away before being at risk of a Stinger: TKB-style OOTA. God DAMN there were too many acronyms in that sentence. CME goes on the offensive again, managing to get its spatula slipped between Neuro's forks and locking the two bots up for a moment. Neither can fully bring their weapons to bear, so Neuromancer settles for trying to shove its enemy around for a bit. CME, on the other hand, fires its flipper, which jostles it free enough to drive away again. This time it manages to angle in underneath Neuromancer's right-hand forks and get a solid flip off, sending Goatboi's lifting brick tumbling across the arena. This time, CME catches up, and manages to get a second flip off, though this one is less spectacular as it only really lifted the bottom-right corner of the bot. The fight continues in this back-and-forth manner for the rest of the alloted time, and the judges are called in to decide.

Damage: Coronal Mass Ejection 3 - 2 Neuromancer
Aggression: Coronal Mass Ejection 3 - 2 Neuromancer
Control: Coronal Mass Ejection 3 - 2 Neuromancer

Winner: Coronal Mass Ejection, 9-6 JD.

Magnolia Grande vs. A Big Vase Of Magnolias

Winner: Magnolia Grande, KO by Inexplicable Oompah Band

Tabor MKII vs Highland Fling II

HF’s kinda in a lose/lose situation here, so I suppose I should at least respect the fact that he’s going on the offensive instead of turtling. That being said nothing really works for him and then he gets tossed on his head and loses :V

(I really wanted to write her wheels getting melted in the blender tbh but Rocket had it in the bag lol)

Tabor wins by KO in 1:23

The CMC vs ICR Speedwagon

ICR Speedwagon charges out. The CMC attempts to use Applebloom as bait while Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo go for ICR’s sides, but ICR just scoops up Applebloom and tosses it out of the arena with no resistance. Sweetie Belle gets a flip on ICR, but it’s a 360, and after a bit of a tussle ICR is able to isolate Scootaloo and send it out as well, and then finish off the cluster. There’s now one crusader sitting in the OOTA area on the other side of every single one of the high arena walls. What a show-off.

Your winner, by OOTAOOTAOOTA in 1:02, is ICR Speedwagon!

(The CMC Forfeits)

Vertigo vs Starstruck

This is a really close one tbh. The first two hits are smashing, both bots being knocked back heavily from the impacts. On the third hit, Vertigo oversteers a bit, and gets its entire front right wedge torn off in the impact. It also hits StarStruck off-center, causing it to do some sorta sickass 720 barrel roll, land on the hoops, and slooooooooowly tilt back to its wheels. Vertigo tries to push the advantage, but startstruck gets spinning just in time to at least react to the incoming enemy bot. post-hit, starstruck is definitely wobbling, and vertigo’s spinner is very clearly sideways. So clearly sideways, in fact, that it starts smacking the frame when Giraffe starts to try to spin it up. He goes for a last ditch ramming effort to try and knock the unstable Starstruck out of the arena. It doesn’t work.

Your winner, by KO in 1:34, is Starstruck!

Carbon Z vs Tulta Munille

Both bots zip out after each other. Carbon Z jukes away, spins around, and proceeds to press its lifting forks and pretty much high-center itself. Tulta Munille slams its horizontal clamping fist thingies together on and more importantly underneath the sides of Carbon Z, then starts bringing the hammer down. It doesn’t appear to be doing anything, but Carbon Z’s attempts to block the hammer with its clamps are unsuccessful and it gets shoved into the wall.

Once free, Carbon Z, uhh, had no plan besides not trying the unsuccessful matador strategy again, so the driver just says “hold my beer” and charges straight at Tulta Munille’s wedge with the forks pressed. This actually works the first time because Tulta doesn’t fire its own clamps in time, and Carbon Z is able to pin Tulta Munille against the wall. However, on subsequent attempts Tulta Munille seems to have gotten the timing dialed in a bit better, and repeatedly wedges and hammers its opponent, although at one point it gets its clamp arm grabbed, and on another it accidentally presents its side to Carbon Z and gets wedged and pushed onto its back for it.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Carbon Z 2, Tulta Munille 3
Aggression: Carbon Z 2, Tulta Munille 3
Control: Carbon Z 1, Tulta Munille 4

Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is Tulta Munille!

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Re: ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Mon Aug 06, 2018 8:38 pm


RP here:

Those who are fighting a madman (laz) bot - He's pulled out, we're gonna see about getting in a replacement. if there's no replacement by wednesday, you get an FF win. congrats? :V

the bot on the left is in the red square, the bot on the right is in the blue square. keep in mind that the arena is asymmetrical, and this might affect your strategy.


Buzzcut vs Tree Surgeon

Something's gonna get cut here. Right now Tree Surgeon is getting a closely cropped for on the sides. Into the walls we go. One hit takes Tree Surgeon a little off the top of Buzzcut, allowing it to escape. Buzzcut makes another attempt, but just misses as Tree Surgeon slams down the patented bot chipper. It makes some pretty sparks and takes some paint off. It gets a lot of cuts on the golden wedge blade, but it suffers from multiple wall slams. However, Tabor was able to jhook on multiple occasions. It's a close shave here.

Aggression: 4-1 Buzzcut
Damage: 4-1 Tree Surgeon
Strategy: 3-2 Buzzcut

Buzzcut wins 8-7

Riptide vs Private Iron

It’s a battle of the vertical spinners! The drum and drumlets of Riptide face off against the massive disc and vertical spinner of Private Iron! Both bots spin up and book it out of their squares, making a menacing hum. Riptide charges straight in, but Private Iron jukes and drifts away, skidding sideways and doing a wheelstand as it does so. Riptide rushes after it, but Private Iron gets back under control and tries to go for Riptide’s side, which leads to it understeering, and gives Riptide a clear shot at the right corner of its wedge.

Riptide takes full advantage, smacking into PI, but ironically at that angle the forks of Riptide are too far apart to get under PI’s wedge, and the angled side works perfectly. Sparks fly, and Riptide bounces off and lands inverted. PI also skids away, but quickly recovers and charges, and Riptide is only able to point its own weapon at it.

BANG! Riptide exits stage up as the spinners collide head-on! It bounces off the arena scaffolding, narrowly missing a light, and crashes down about a second later, clipping the floor with its drum. But it still works! Riptide’s upright now, and wastes no time spinning up and coming in head-on despite another failed lulzy maneuver by Private Iron. This time it’s PI’s turn to be tossed upside-down. The hit’s less spectactular, but arguably more effective. Private Iron’s weight distribution and narrow top standoffs mean it has almost no grip when inverted. It gyros around, but can’t quite flip itself over. It manages to point the disc more or less at Riptide, but this leads to Private Iron being on the receiving end of a second long-duration flight.

Private Iron lands upside-down again, but Riptide clips its wedge and rights it. PI backs off, not wanting to face Riptide head-on. Its right wedgelet seems to be bent upward now, but it doesn’t have much choice but to use it. It tries to angle its side to hit between Riptide’s forks again, which works but doesn’t flip Riptide, and Riptide delivers another head-on hit. Private Iron goes over again, and this time Riptide gets a followup blow from the side, tipping PI sideways, and then there’s another hit. PI flies a few feet in the air, wobbling from the gyro forces of the disc. It lands on its face and launches itself across the arena, but the weapon just keeps hitting the ground and eventually it runs out of speed. One of Private Iron’s top casters is gone and the standoff is bent. It can’t spin, and only one rear wheel is getting traction so it’s pretty much going in circles near the low wall. IceCubed dares Monsterworks to hit him. Riptide carefully lines itself up and takes the dare, delivering a big hit which does technically right Private Iron, which is what IceCubed was probably hoping for, but unfortunately also throws it out of the arena in the process.

Your winner, by OOTA in 1:32, is Riptide!

Hat Garage vs The Mafia

The Mafia goes with the “divide and conquer” strategy early on, which actually ends up “working” when Hat Garage slams straight into one of the minibots and sends it flying into the corner where it gets stuck inverted. Hat Garage then proceeds to mostly focus on the Godfather, which… basically can’t do anything to it apart from getting a couple glancing blows which aren’t luck enough to even invert HG. The other minibot eventually meets a grisly end when Hat Garage spins in a circle and whacks it with the extended punching bar, snapping a wheel off, flinging it into the wall, and causing its battery to catch fire. That leaves the Godfather alone to get wedge and pushed around for the rest of the match.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Hat Garage 4, The Mafia 1
Aggression: Hat Garage 4, The Mafia 1
Control: Hat Garage 5, The Mafia 0

Your winner, by a 13-2 Judges’ Decision, is Hat Garage!

The Beast from The West vs Bruxish

Both robots come out aggressively. Beast from the West is starting to spin up, but it’s nowhere near full speed when it meets Bruxish. The robots collide, and Bruxish’s tongue actually gets under BFTW, but before it can flip they’re away again, and that’s given Beast time to get up to speed. It comes in attacking the front of Bruxish again, but again it can’t get underneath that very low tongue. And this time Bruxish flips! Beast goes flying at least four feet in the air, tumbling end over end. It bounces down inverted – Bruxish tries to come in for another flip, but Beast is invertable, and it darts away.

Bruxish is notoriously difficult to control, but now that Beast is inverted, the reverse gyroscopic forces are giving it trouble as well, and it takes a while before either bot can actually hit the other. Bruxish careens into Beast at an angle, and Beast’s weapon glances off, throwing some white sparks but not getting enough bite to right the spinner. Beast charges again, driving straight onto Bruxish’s wedge. Bruxish fires the flipper again and sends it flying. Beast lands inverted again, but another attack finally bounces it off Bruxish hard enough to right it.

Beast eventually gets under Bruxish’s tongue after a couple glancing blows, and the flipper goes flying upward from the force of the blow! The ram’s uncoupled though, and Bruxish’s bungees spread the impact out. There’s no real damage to the flipper, but Bruxish gets tossed onto its back! And Beast stays on the attack, rolling Bruxish over right as it tries to self-right. Bruxish goes skidding across the arena, ending up on its side with the flipper extended. It retracts it and self-rights again, but takes a big hit to the side from Beast that flings it through the air again! And there’s now a big gash in Bruxish’s right side panel!

The tide of the fight has decidedly turned. Bruxish is just not able to aim itself at Beast, rendering its speed advantage useless. There’s a lot of drifting, but when the bots actually make contact Beast keeps launching Bruxish into the air. It puts another gash in the armor, bends up one of the side prongs on the Shellder tongue, and rips off one of the little anti-wheelie fins. Then it makes the mistake of charging Bruxish head-on again, and take another huge flip, nearly going out of the arena over a high wall! Beast has to be more careful here – it may be dominating the fight, but all it takes is one lucky flip!

Unfortunately for Bruxish, it can’t seem to get that lucky flip, and in fact Beast seems to have finally put a slight bend in the tongue. Despite this, Bruxish manages to get under Beast as Beast tries to get to its side. It charges towards the low arena wall, carrying Beast helplessly on top of it, and flips! But Beast slipped away off the flipper, and Bruxish just wheelies itself into the wall, getting stuck with its face on top of the wall and its ass propped up on its wheelie fin. The wheelie fin and the slowly retracting flipper combine to get it down, but as it, uhh, fishtails away Beast lines up an attack of its own and connects with Bruxish’s side. Wham! Bruxish is thrown into the lexan, its flipper flopping open, and comes down facefirst on the wall with its jaw open. So basically its bungees are now sort of clamping it in place, with the robot mostly out of the arena with its flipper holding onto the inside of the wall. However, that’s definitely not a position where it can move. Bruxish has no choice but to fire the flipper and see what happens… which is that it falls completely into the OOTA zone.

Your winner, by OOTA in 2:34, is The Beast From the West!

Vorpal Bunny vs Runaway Rabbit

Runaway Rabbit tries to box rush right out of the gate, but Vorpal Bunny manages to swerve out of the way and get spun up anyway. It presents its side to the Rabbit in doing so, and the temptation is too much for Tri to resist as, at the time, HFL isn’t quite spun up to full yet. That soon changes, though, and it was a mistake on Tri’s part. VB is able to turn and slash a deep gouge into the corner of Rabbit’s ABR plate, and Tri’s machine is slammed face first into the wall by the impact. As it bounces upwards, VB recovers and gets into position for a strike on the exposed chassis, and manages to find a good whack on RR’s exposed rear. And yet when I do that it’s “sexual harassment” and I have to “explain why I’m even at this hen night”. Anyway, the blade manages to cave in the left-hand wheel guards and pin two of the wheels in place. With its drive thus impaired, it’s easy pickings for HFL, and the Battle of the Bunnies goes Vorpal’s way.

Winner: Vorpal Bunny, KO by Immobilization, 01:31

Captain Trips vs. A flag with the word Randall written on it.

The flag makes a brave stand. But that's it.

Winner: Captain Trips, KO by Global Pandemic and Hastily Googled Reference

Salamandra vs Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

AP rockets out of the gate as soon as the buzzer starts, and Salamandra tries to bait in the angling in. Problem is, there's not quite enough of an opportunity to capitalize on that accurate prediction, and the lifter/grabber manages to get a good bite on the side of Sal's wedge plate. Badnik tries to bring the saw down, but the weapon's just not doing a whole lot. At least, not right now; the saw is kinda hissing and sparking off the top plate of AP's armour, but it's slowly getting through. Very slowly. Too slowly for it to affect the outcome of the match, as AP strands it on the low wall. The saw arm manages to get stuck on one of the wall extender poles, and despite Badnik's best efforts, Salamandra can't break free before the countout.

Winner: Apocalyptic Peacekeeper, KO by Immobilization, 01:01

Epic Waluigi vs To Fry

Epic Waluigi vs To Fry Ok. I was gonna give this to Epic Waluigi since I'm not sure if Pat is still doing this. But the fact that Pat entered a RP and Noah just posted a video changes things :V

To Fry wins by shenanigans


Bluebot vs Icebreaker

Bluebot spins up its eggbeater and rushes, Icebreaker spins up its rings and heads out away from its square at top speed. Thanks to the counter-rotating rings it doesn’t have to fight counter torque, so its tracks let it give itself a bit of space. Bluebot still charges into it, though, and Icebreaker bounces away in a shower of sparks. Both weapons are still spinning, and I think both are at full speed. Bluebot charges Icebreaker again, and gets knocked aside, but it punts Icebreaker into the air! Without the benefit of gyroscopic forces Icebreaker flips end over end like a coin, and when it lands Bluebot gives it another smack that rolls it into the wall. Icebreaker tries to get away, but takes another small hit, stopping both weapons. Icebreaker is wedged and pinned, but its chassis spins madly and it ends up shaking free. It retreats and spins up again, and there’s another big hit! Icebreaker bounces away, coining on its side, and Bluebot gets spun around by the impact.

There’s a couple of gashes and holes in Bluebot’s front wedge now, but the beater shows no signs of stopping. It slams itself into Icebreaker again. Icebreaker veers sideways, trying to get to Bluebot’s wheels. It doesn’t make it, but it does successfully ping itself off the side of Bluebot’s wedge. It goes flying into the wall again, but the left corner of Bluebot’s wedge is bent downward, and the whole thing seems to be bent slightly to the side. It’s not perfectly flush with the ground anymore, but it’s still low enough to get under Icebreaker it seems. Bluebot comes in again and gets another big hit! Icebreaker is almost thrown over the high wall, and comes down propped on its side. It starts to spin its chassis, but Bluebot attacks again, hitting it on the top! There’s some sparks, but Icebreaker gets knocked free and bounces across the arena on its side, and it looks like it was lucky enough not to lose a track.

Icebreaker is now inverted, and the “top” ring is now on the bottom, and with fewer teeth it can get better bite. It gets a solid hit that tears another gash into Bluebot’s wedge, but Bluebot gets another solid hit that throws the ring spinner into the air, then overturns it a second time. Icebreaker gets away and spins back up, though, and it catches an edge on Bluebot’s damaged wedge, sending both robots skidding away again. The wedge is really bent now, and Bluebot’s going in circles! The left side of its drivetrain seems to have gotten jammed up at some point there! Icebreaker is free to spin up and come in for the kill, but it can’t get past Bluebot’s wedge, and after a couple more glancing blows and a big retaliatory pop from Bluebot it finally catches the bent corner and gets a massive hit! Bluebot’s weapon isn’t the most powerful, but it gets spun around so fast that the gyroscopic forces flip if over anyway.

Bluebot is still mobile, albeit barely, but Icebreaker catches its right standoff prong on the next hit and bends it into the path of the eggbeater. Bluebot ends up on its side, with its weapon stopped and no functioning drive wheels on the ground, and gets counted out with just a few seconds left.

Your winner, by knockout in 2:52, is Icebreaker!

Lilian vs Splashdown

Splashdown spins up as best it can, but Lilian is out of the blocks quickly and deploys the hammer in fine style. The subsequent BONK knocks a great big hole in the top of the meltybot’s armour, and something important and electrical flies out. The sheer torque of the melty’s spin cycle damn near tears the axe from its moorings, but once Splashdown stops spinning it’s clear that it’s not moving again this fight.

Winner: Lilian, KO by Immobilization, 00:28

Flash Flood vs Der metzgermeister

Flash Flood rockets out of the gate as the battle starts, while Der Metzgermeister plays a more dangerous game, spinning up and trying to get a bead on Flash Flood’s driving. When the flipper comes in for the kill, the spinner drops its weapon over the top, and Flash Flood gets a good, solid roasting before taking a big shot to the flipping panel from GF’s spinner. While it’s a nasty hit, it doesn’t dissuade Flash Flood from getting underneath it and hoying it over with its slightly limp-looking flipper. From here, it’s all Flash Flood; Der Batormeister just can’t keep up with the pace and control of Badnik’s machine, and it gets turned turtle over and over again. GF tries to self-right, but it’s a fool’s errand, as it just keeps getting picked up and thrown again before it can even get its spinner up to speed. The fight goes to the judges, but only because Flash Flood got a little unlucky with its OOTA shots.

Aggression: Flash Flood 4 — 1 Der Metzgermeister
Damage: Der Metzgermeister 5 — 0 Flash Flood
Control: Flash Flood 4 — 1 Der Metzgermeister

Winner: Flash Flood, 8-7 JD

Twin Typhoons vs Hobart

They start off with the two melties splitting off as per usual, while Hobart just kinda chills. That is, until it doesn’t chill any more and slams into one of the spinners. It does this a few more times, pursuing the bot relentlessly, eventually bending and damaging the thing into non-motion. Problem is, it’s now only hanging on by a thread: the weapon mount is loose, one of the tracks is sticking, and its srimech is stuck open. Somehow. IDK man. Anywho the other half of the cluster saunters over, and Hobart tries to charge it. instead, it swings around its temporarily dead track, exposes its rear, and gets slammed into by the melty before it can regain control. The expected result comes of this.
Your winner, by KO in 1:11, is Twin Typhoons!

Killjoy II vs Ramshock

With Pat still, er, otherwise engaged with his Twilight Sparkle body pillow, Ramshock is left abandoned in the pits. I mean, you’ve got to admire the man’s stamina, if nothing else. It’s like a Japanese meal. Small portions, but so many courses.

Winner: Killjoy II by Forfeit

Backstab 3 vs. A bust of Caesar.

Et tu, Bot?

Winner: Backstab 3, KO by Ides of March

Dreamchaser vs Terpsichora

HFL put far too much effort into his RP. All it takes is one spun up boop, and Dreamchaser is stuck in the ceiling. Gonna need a big stick to get 'er back down again.

Terpsichora wins by FF.

Thieving Magpie vs Burger Princess

Shaba in general does a great job of getting to the sides of Burger princess. She’s still taking damage due to the shape of her opponent (the whole Steveout dealio it’s got goin on, ya know?), but this also forces BP’s weapon into the ground, which makes it fly around the arena a LOT, and magpie eventually is able to shove it into the wall. It’s not the short one, but hey, a free pin is a free pin. She’s got to release, and BP’s able to get out and start spinning up again, with magpie hot on his tail. She gets in there just as he gets up to speed and takes the first big smack of the match, and there’s the suspicious cloud and hiss of CO2 leaking after the hit, as well as a rather nasty dent in the flipper. BP also goes flying, but manages to recover just as Magpie comes in from the side and does the whole unbalancing BP while taking some softer hits. This time though the unpredictable spinner proves a bit harder to corner, and Magpie’s really starting to show the battle damage. she still gets him shoved into a corner, but this time he’s eventually able to get free. Magpie’s a little slow to get back to things this time – maybe some damage? she looks much slower actually, and she’s not able to flank nearly as quickly any more. This begins to affect the match extremely significantly, as not magpie has to actually tank the spinner head-on, and she is just getting smashed for her troubles. The next hit REALLY isn’t pretty, and seals it for the princess.

Your winner, by KO in 2:44, is Burger Princess!


Dragonfist vs Blue Max

This is a clash of two very powerful horizontal spinners, the shell and flails of Dragonfist against the undercutting bar of Blue Max. Both of them appear to spin counterclockwise, too, so this should produce some big hits!

Both robots spin up and move out of their starting squares – Blue Max moving cautiously, Dragonfist just going as fast as it can, which isn’t much. Both weapons are in a blur as Blue Max carefully approaches. And… not a big hit? There’s some sparks, and the robots are slowly thrust aside in a flurry of blows, but it doesn’t look like much happened. Which is kind of to be expected when a weapon specifically designed to be low to the ground and get under things hits a non-rigid weapon designed to hit high up. I think Blue Max might’ve taken out some of the spikes on Dragonfist’s flails, but that’s about it.

Blue Max lines itself up and comes in again, and again the flails and bar just glance harmlessly off each other. The crucial factor now is who has more reach… and it’s Blue Max, by a hair! Blue Max’s bar makes contact with the fixed teeth at the base of Dragonfist’s shell just before the flails hit Blue Max’s chassis. Both bots are sent flying across the arena and reset. They spin up, clash again, and are flung away again. This happens several more times, and bits and pieces are scattered across the arena – bits of Dragonfist’s weapon, and decorative exhaust pipes and headlights from Blue Max that were either caught by Dragonfist’s flails or just knocked loose by the force of the impacts. But both robots are still driving, and still spinning! Something has got to give!

What Gabe said in the pits is half-right. This is an attrition match. But it’s not directly the attrition of the robots: it’s a battle of attrition between Dragonfist and Gabe. Blue Max’s bar only barely out-reaches Dragonfist’s flails, and it needs to be aligned straight-on for it to hit DF’s lower teeth before its own chassis enters the danger zone. Gabe has to get it right on every single hit, driving a fairly hard to control machine, while Dragonfist basically just has to keep spinning. Gabe does a great job of keeping Blue Max facing the right way, keeping its speed low to avoid any oversteer, but eventually Dragonfist gets the hit it’s looking for.

Slightly over halfway through the fight, Dragonfist veers the opposite way from what Blue Max predicted, and its flail hits the front of BM’s left wheelguard. There’s a shower of carbon fiber and Kevlar debris, and Blue Max goes skidding away sideways, losing its left front wheel to another flail hit. It’s still moving, but the front panel is peeled forward and has a gaping hole in it. Blue Max reverses into Dragonfist, but the missing wheel affects its control slightly, and it oversteers, getting its rear support framework torn and bent from another glancing flail impact. Blue Max’s weapon is scraping against the floor, sending up showers of sparks and making it even harder to control, but it’s still working, and manages to get another solid weapon-to-weapon hit, but the flails still connect with the protruding damaged armor panel!

Dragonfist flies into the wall. It limps away, but the shell is now stopped, and it’s clear the lower lip has been shredded and warped, and big chunks have been taken out of the teeth and flail heads. But that last hit also got Blue Max’s damaged armor panel ripped away entirely. Innards are exposed. It spins up again and the bots limp towards each other. A massive hit tosses Dragonfist away again, but something comes out of Blue Max’s midsection and falls into the weapon… and it looks like somebody set off a pack of smoke grenades in the arena! Blue Max has eaten its own weapon batteries! The arena fills with LiPo fog, with burning debris everywhere! One side of Blue Max’s drivetrain and both sides of Dragonfist’s are still working, but the fight must be stopped for safety reasons! The judges will have to decide with thirty-one seconds still on the clock!

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Dragonfist 4, Blue Max 1
Aggression: Dragonfist 3, Blue Max 2
Control: Dragonfist 2, Blue Max 3

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Dragonfist!

Hati vs Gigaflare

It's another battle of the waifubots as Hati and Gigaflare charge headlong into one another, GF angling in at the last moment and chomping down on the furrybot's faceplate before it can escape. The crushing arm isn't able to penetrate Hati's thick armour, but the additional grip is extremely useful and Gigaflare is able to bully it around the arena for a bit before being made to let go by the ref. Sadly, this is as good as it gets for the crusher, as Hati goes on the offensive and manages to get underneath one of the side pods and knock it over through sheer drive power. A floor seam may also have helped. This is pretty much how the rest of the fight goes, as Hati is able to run rings around its opponent. Cease is called, and the judges are pretty much unanimous.

Aggression: Hati 3 - 2 Gigaflare
Damage: Gigaflare 4 -1 Hati
Control: Hati 4 - 1 Gigaflare

Winner: Hati, 8-7 JD

Frogbot vs Neurotoxin

Axtingusher vs Neophyte Redglare

The battle starts and bonkbonkbonkbonkbonkbonkbonk then there's some shoving and some bonkbonkbonkbonkbonkbonkbonkbonk oh for God's sake WHEN WILL THIS END-

Damage: Axtinguisher 4 - 1 Neophyte Redglare
Aggression: Neophyte Redglare 3 - 2 Axtinguisher
Control: Neophyte Redglare 5 - 0 Axtinguisher

Winner: Neophyte Redglare, 9-6 JD

Harpy vs Flame Grilled

The inherent problem in this fight for TBR is that when he gets under, he smacks at Harpy and does jack shit and harpy just backs off. It’s a bit harder for Harpy to get under, but at least she can boss flame grilled around for a good deal when she does. it goes more or less like this the entire match, and by the end it’s clear that harpy’s dominated most of it.
Aggression: 3-2 Harpy
Damage: 3-2 Flame Grilled
Control: 4-1 Harpy
Your winner, in a 9-6 decision, is Harpy!

Pink Dog vs Dredd

Rofl, Pink Dog still has yet to show up to a battle. Does this robot even exist? The answer may surprise you!

(Dredd wins by forfeit)

Champ vs Outrage

All right, Champ tries to box rush Outrage, but isn’t nearly quick enough. Outrage catches Champ’s wedge and immediately tears two of Champ’s teeth away. Another two hits further rearrange Champ’s face, and finally Outrage just flings it into the wall, embeds a chunk of purple metal in the Lexan, and manages to immobilize itself by embedding its own blade in the arena floor. However, at this point Champ has stopped moving, resulting in a double KO.

Damage: Champ 0, Outrage 5, Physics 0
Aggression: Champ 4, Outrage 1, Realism 0
Control: Champ 3, Outrage 2, Sanity 0

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision after a double knockout, and in defiance of all common sense, is everyone’s favorite Spaghetti Spinner… Outrage!

Smackdown vs Vortex

Both robots charge each other early on. Smackdown goes for an early hammer blow but just puts a scratch in Vortex’s front wedge, which also pops its own dustpan into the air and lets Vortex get under it and flip it over on its ass. Smackdown self-right, but gets overturned again and shoved into the wall. It finally flails itself free, and charges in again. This time it buries the axe head in one of Vortex’s right wheels. That wheel throws the tread, but the other one is intact, and Vortex uses its powerful drivetrain to overturn Smackdown a second time.

And… do mine eyes deceive me? Is Vortex’s spinner doing damage? It’s bent the thin dustplan plates of Smackdown upward, and seems to be taking bites out of the armor as well. Smackdown remains aggressive, but spends half the match upside-down, and at some point it starts wobbling badly – did a wheel take damage? It gets two more nasty blows though, one putting a big gash in the left-side top plate of Vortex, and another actually managing to snipe the weapon belt. Vortex’s lifter remains functional though, and it almost gets Smackdown’s axe hooked on the arena wall before the buzzer sounds.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Smackdown V2 2, Vortex 3
Aggression: Smackdown V2 2, Vortex 3
Control: Smackdown V2 1, Vortex 4

Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is Vortex!


-- vs Boy Flaily
Why is there a boy holding some flails in the arena? WHY IS HE — OH GOD — OH GOD, HE’S NOT OKAY, HE IS, LIKE, SUPER DEAD

Boy Flaily wins by default

Coronal Mass ejection vs Lambastor

Tongue of the Fatman vs Neuromancer

Neuromancer surges forward as the battle starts, trying to angle in on the Fatman’s wedge, but Fatman manages to turn and force a head-on collision. Vee wins that one handily, but Neuromancer is a longboi and manages to back off before Vee can get off a big flip. That’s about the only bit of good news, though. Something seems to have happened to the lifter after that flip; it seems a little more limp than might otherwise be the case. Maybe the gears have been stripped by the sudden motion or something. Regardless, Neuromancer comes in on the attack again, but it can’t press as well as it would like and this time, Tongue of the Fatman is ready. The flipper shoves forward and manages to get a huge flip, sending Goatboi’s machine hurtling through the sky and crashing to the ground some distance from the Fatman. As it tries to get over to have another go, Neuromancer resets and angles in on a charge. This time, it works much better, and the Fatman is taken for a piggyback ride. Always a dodgy proposition, that. Goatboi slams Vee into the wall and pops the Fatman on his head, but it’s easily able to self-right with a balletic flip. Fatman resets and manages to get head on to Neuromancer, who tries to press, but again it doesn’t seem to be working at 100% and Fatman is able to launch it skywards again. This time, the lifter bounces off the short wall and falls into the trench around the arena.

Winner: Tongue of the Fatman, KO by OOTA 01:48

Magnolia Grande vs Death Metal

Yeah this is one of those matches where a bot just loses on stats. it’s funny how uninteractive spinners are in RP, especially when they’re so fun to drive IRL lol. DM does try the baiting, but Alex knows better than to run into it like a dumbass, and eventually out-endurances Death metal (though neither is looking very pretty by the time MG gets the KO blow in.
Your winner, by KO in 2:00, is Magnonia Grande!

Carbon Z vs The CMC

Carbon Z wins by Forfeit

StarStruck vs Tabor Mk II

Rocket begins with the rush, shoving the plow into Starstruck's blade, causing a massive CLANG as Starstruck's own recoil shunts it back across the arena. Tabor keeps on moving, pinning the neon bot into the wall, trying but failing to tip them up and over. After a bit of wall-hugging, Starstruck manages to get free, spinning up to deathhum speeds, rushing in, though Tabor's plow is ready to take the brunt of the impact, shoving both bots back again. Tabor's able to keep on target, repetitively blocking Starstruck's approaches, no matter the direction, until the bell eventually goes. Tabor's plow is pretty scarred, and the paint's looking pretty fucked, but held up enough.

Damage: 9-6 Starstruck
Aggression: 10-5 Tabor Mk II
Strategy: 9-6 Tabor Mk II

Tabor Mk II wins 25-20 JD

ICR Speedwagon vs Vertigo

Both bots charge each other, Vertigo spinning up that deadly bar. ICR Speedwagon veers off and goes for Vertigo’s side. Vertigo spins around in a panic, managing to turn in time, but it turns a bit too far and its other side lifts into the air, letting ICR get under it without too much trouble. ICR fires its rear-hinged flipper, and Vertigo goes over sideways! The bar hits the floor a couple times, tearing up our poor floor, but just kicks the bot around the arena, and once it stops the robot has to slowly self-right. By this point ICR is ready to wedge it from behind, and takes it to the wall, flipping it again and nearly getting the OOTA. Vertigo lands upright and escapes. It spins back up and charges ICR, this time making contact and getting a good hit on ICR’s wedge, taking a small bite out of one side.

ICR Speedwagon’s undeterred, though, and gets under the corner of Vertigo. Over it goes again! There’s another gash in the floor! And again, that paves the way for Vertigo getting bullied around the arena for a good thirty seconds. It finally gets on its wheels again, runs away, and… promptly drives over one of the curled up bits it tore in the floor and high-centers itself because it only has like a millimeter of ground clearance. Even pressing the lifting spikes into the ground doesn’t actually free it, and it can’t reach far enough in the other direction to hit the floor with its blade. What a way to go.

Your winner, by Technical Knockout in 2:04, is ICR Speedwagon!

Tulta Munille vs Highland Fling 2

Tulta Munille is using its flipper configuration, apparently wanting to take advantage of Highland Fling being unable to self-right. Well, that thing does have some power – if anything can overturn Highland Fling, it’s Tulta!

Anyway, both robots initially charge at each other, and both of them decide to be janky. Tulta Munille tries to break off its rush before impact, and Highland Fling pulls down its skirts and skids in until a floor seam stops it. Tulta Munille skids into it anyway, riding up HF2’s wedge thanks to that same floor seam – but it’s not enough to let HF2’s spinning turntable get a bite, and Tulta Munille is able to retreat more quickly than HF2 can push further under it.

Tulta Munille drives around, trying to find an opening in HF2’s skirts, but, well, it’s the same all around. It’s having a bit of trouble lining up its flipper, but eventually gets under and fires! Highland Fling soars into the air like a UFO – that must be a good six feet! But its extreme width, combined with the gyroscopic effect of its spinning top, keeps it from turning over, and it crashes down at an angle but ends up on its wheels.

Highland Fling is actually being the aggressor, but not actually accomplishing anything – even when it wedges Tulta Munille, it can’t get the grinder into play besides one hit on TM’s flipper plow. Tulta Munille, on the other hand, keeps caber-tossing Highland Fling around the arena, but it just can’t get it over! Not only is HF2 a massive gyroscope, but its weapon physically can’t hit the walls or floor so there’s no way for Tulta to slow it down! Tulta gets what should be a perfect OOTA shot over a high wall, but, well, the gap between the inner and outer walls is 2 feet wide, and Highland Fling is what, six feet wide! It could fit it it were on its side, but again, gyro forces. So it just falls back into the arena. In fact, it does this three times. However, repeatedly taking hard landings on its skirts starts to bend them, and jams up some of the hinges, so by the end of the battle about half of HF2’s wedges are utterly worthless.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Highland Fling 2 2, Tulta Munille 3
Aggression: Highland Fling 2 3, Tulta Munille 2
Control: Highland Fling 2 1, Tulta Munille 4

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Tulta Munille!

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Re: ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Fri Aug 17, 2018 2:29 am


RP here:

also of note for those who don't go on the discord server much - this fight card will be DUE SEPTEMBER FIRST due to the fact that I have been hella busy this week and then have vacation for like, 2 weeks. whee

the bot on the left is in the red square, the bot on the right is in the blue square. keep in mind that the arena is asymmetrical, and this might affect your strategy.


Private Iron Vs Hat Garage

All right, we’ve got the punching bar boi against the powerful vertical spinner, both with hinged we – oh wait, Alex has decided to cut out the middle man and put Private Iron on its back before the match even starts.

Private Iron starts spinning its disc up – or rather, down – to its terrifying full speed, and drifts out of its square. Immediately it steers a bit, tilts sideways, and kind of blunders off in an arc. Reminder: VS gyrodancing self-corrects when driving forward if you’re spinning upward, but if you’re spinning downward it self-amplifies. And this is made worse by Private Iron’s front-heavy design, tallness, and lack of traction.

Fortunately for PI, Hat Garage doesn’t seem to know what to do with its opponent in this configuration, and is a bit tentative in approaching it. Finally it gives it a shove from the side which tips PI over sideways. It falls back onto its wheels, and Hat Garage tries to push again. But this time there’s a shower of sparks and Private Iron vaults off of Hat Garage’s wedge and bounces across the arena, pirouetting on its side. But Hat Garage looks like it’s taken some serious damage with that shot: one of its wedgelets is twisted sideways and definitely isn’t flush with the ground!

Undeterred, Hat Garage comes in again with another couple tentative side attacks, before it manages to get under the back of Private Iron, which of course leaves it with zero wheels touching the ground. HG’s powerful drivetrain takes over and it just slams Private Iron into the arena wall disc-first! PI comes very close to the ceiling! After I don’t know how many rotations, at least a 1080, it crashes down on its wheels… but the disc spins back up! Private Iron immediately gyros onto its back again, which I’m guessing was intentional this time.

Hat Garage comes in on the attack again, but this time Private Iron finally gets its blade lined up by doing a sort of fake retreat maneuver, then charging forward again and side-wheelieing into its opponent. It’s a huge hit! Private Iron launches itself a good six feet in the air, tumbling end over end. The weapon hits the ground floor as it lands, kicking it inverted, and it staggers away, spinning back up.

But that hit has basically put a huge crater in the top front corner of Hat Garage. It looks like it’s torn clean through the top armor and bent the corner of the metal tube that serves as the front frame rail down something like an inch deep, and for a bot this size that is a gaping wound. Hat Garage is more cautious next time, and gets to the side of Private Iron again, but as it wedges underneath it the disc makes contact in more or less a repeat of the very first hit, apart from PI flipping itself upright and the damage wedgelet being completely torn off of Hat Garage.

HG presses on though, getting under Private Iron before it can self-invert again and slamming it against the wall. The impact flips PI over again, and the disc smacks the floor, sending it skidding sideways across the arena. But it’s now at close to full speed with plenty of room to maneuver, and it manages to get another head-on hit! That’s very nearly a self-OOTA from Private Iron, but there’s another huge wound in the top of Hat Garage! Hat Garage spins away, and… it keeps spinning and drifting! The right wheel has stopped!

So now we have one robot flailing away around the arena as a result of damage, and one that just does so by default. Private Iron blunders into Hat Garage again after a couple tries, and flips itself upright as well as rounding off the top of HG’s punching bar fork. But now it’s sensed blood in the water and stays upright, carefully maneuvering and coming in with a hit! There’s thirty seconds left in the fight, but Hat Garage is now the one inverted, and a wedgelet is bent upward! Twenty seconds, and the damaged wedgelet is torn off, leaving Hat Garage with just two. Ten seconds, and Private Iron catches the tip of the inverted Hat Garage’s punching bar! It goes flying into the air at least halfway to the ceiling, and lands upright with the little scoop bent severely downward… and it isn’t moving! There’s no time to count it out, but Private Iron manages to tear its left wheel off with two seconds before the buzzer – ordinarily unnecessary, but since that was the working wheel that eliminates any doubt that Hat Garage will come back to life a few seconds later!

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Private Iron 5, Hat Garage 0
Aggression: Private Iron 2, Hat Garage 3
Control: Private Iron 2, Hat Garage 3 (PI was kinda flailing around for most of the fight, but its bizarre strategy undoubtedly worked for it).

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is… Private Iron!

The Mafia vs Buzzcut

The Mafia’s minibots “go crazy” at the start, by which I mean they lumber across the arena at their top speed of like 3 MPH while Godfather spins up its weapon and wanders around. Buzzcut proceeds to completely ignore the minibots, and goes for Godfather. It tries going for its side, but Godfather’s quick enough to keep turning to face it, and meanwhile one of the minibots gets in the way and gets under / is run over by Buzzcut. This breaks Buzzcut’s traction for long enough that the Godfather can come in and deliver a hit to the side of Buzzcut that flips it over but otherwise does absolutely nothing. Its weapon stopped, it tries to push Buzzcut, but Buzzcut has the better wedge and shoves The Mafia backwards.
I can see the pillows coming out in the stands already. Yeah, the Godfather can do pretty much nothing against Godfather’s speed and aggression. It does get another hit in when Buzzcut accidentally wheelies, but again the only thing this does is flip over its fully invertable opponent. The Mafia minibots do pretty much nothing apart from one getting accidentally wedged and smacked away by Buzzcut. This is due in part to the one that got run over at the start being stuck crab-walking around the arena with a wonky and immobile right wheel.

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: The Mafia 2, Buzzcut 3
Aggression: The Mafia 1, Buzzcut 4
Control: The Mafia 1, Buzzcut 4

Your winner, by an 11-4 Judges’ Decision, is Buzzcut!

Tree Surgeon vs The Beast From the West

Tree Surgeon gets under the first exchange, grinding away with ease. But since it's saw is sideways, it manages to skitter Beast's weapon towards one of the arms. The weapon still works, but that bent arm is gonna be a problem. Surgeon releases, and Beast retaliates by turning inward and bending the outside right fork. It also lands a chassis shot before Tree Surgeon is on the attack again. This time it holds for the full 30 seconds. Beast is hurting a bit now from that. However, it does manage to slide under and flip the surgeon over. Before Tree Surgeon can self right with it's wood scalpel, it smashes into the side, denting the arm further. In fact, the arm becomes so compromised, that it barely self rights before getting counted out. The Surgeon is still up and swinging. It gets a cut for it's troubles, but gets under again. The blades cut little shavings off the top, but it doesn't cause any major damage. The match ends with both looking a bit banged up.

Aggression: 8-7 Beast
Damage: 10-5 Beast
Control: 10-5 Tree Surgeon

Beast from the West wins 23-22

Bruxish vs Riptide

Bruxish races out of the gates and manages, through some miracle, to drive in a straight line towards a rather cagier Riptide. Sadly, the drum spinner is able to back off from the flipper's advance and assail it from the side as it lurches out of control, not helped by the impacts from Riptide's drum. Riptide is easily able to get underneath Bruxish and bounce it around all over the shop, and the fight is just three minutes of that nonsense. Quite spectacular nonsense, if you like robots bouncing around like they're having a grand mal seizure in a bouncy castle, but nonsense nonetheless.

Aggression: Riptide 4 - 1 Bruxish
Damage: Riptide 4 - 1 Bruxish
Control: Riptide 5 - 0 Bruxish

Winner: Riptide, 13-2 JD

Captain Trips vs Salamandra

Captain Trips goes straight for Salamandra right from the start, while Salamandra’s a bit cagier, hanging back and trying to go for the Captain’s side. It’s unsuccessful, but Trips ends up driving onto its forks anyway. Both bots push against each other, and Salamandra starts forcing Captain Trips back. The saw comes down, but before it can really get it in there CT backs off and tries again. It still gets wedged, but slams Salamandra at an angle and spins it around 180 degrees from the force of the charge as well as bouncing itself away. Another couple exchanges like this, and Salamandra finally gets the saw down in time, but only gets glancing contact and throws a couple sparks before CT backs away.

A bit more wedge-on-wedge action with Salamandra being the wedge-iest, but not maneuvering as well, and Captain Trips finally gets under Salamandra. Salamandra spins away, but control’s a bit harder when only one of your wheels is on the ground and Salamandra ends up exposing its side. Captain Trips gets under it again, and this time is able to lift high enough as Salamandra tries to spin away and back off that the springy tail reaches its travel limits and Salamandra is high-centered. Captain Trips lifts higher, and overturns its opponent. Salamandra self-rights, and the chase is on again.

Salamandra is holding the saw lower now, and gets it in a couple more times, but Captain Trips starts raising its lifter into the saw and pushing it away. Still neither machine can really do much with their weapons, and with three minutes up they end up driving back to their starting squares like nothing ever happened.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Salamandra 3, Captain Trips 2
Aggression: Salamandra 2, Captain Trips 3
Control: Salamandra 3, Captain Trips 2

And it’s a split decision, with differences of opinion on both aggression and control. But your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Salamandra!

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper vs Vorpal Bunny

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper charges out of the gate, wearing its big boy trousers and largest wedge. Vorpal Bunny, on the other hand… runs away. Like a big baby. A big, cowardly baby. At least until it’s up to speed, anyway. That’s the plan, at least; AP manages to slam into it while it’s still getting up to mad levels of speed. The impact sends both robots flying back, a great big gash in AP’s wedge and VB bouncing off into the middle distance. AP recovers first as the big spinner is still sending VB bouncing around all over the place, and the grabber manages to get to grips with the opponent’s wheel guard. On the lift, however, the sheer helicoptering torque of Vorpal Bunny’s blade sends both robots spinning at an angle, and they crash into the floor together and are rocketed halfway across the arena! Borkboi frantically tries to let go of the mad spinner, and he only just manages it in time as the jaws open to send Vorpal Bunny suplexed over the low wall by its own weapon.

Winner: Apocalyptic Peacekeeper, KO by Aerial Acrobatics, 00:35

Runaway Rabbit vs Epic Waluigi

Epic Waluigi spins up its flails and charges Runaway Rabbit, which is playing this rather passively. It initially just advances a bit and sits there waiting, but when Waluigi gets close it puts on the gas and the two bots slam into each other. EW bounces off Runaway Rabbit’s wedge and rolls away on its side, but the thing is like 90% wheels, and it quickly gets all four on the ground and drives in again. Runaway Rabbit turns to face it, and this time gets a flip in on Epic Waluigi as the bots collide. But flipping Epic Waluigi does pretty much nothing besides making its plastic wheels flex like vinyl records when it lands.

Runaway Rabbit is doing a decent job of keeping up the pressure, but there’s very little it can really do to Epic Waluigi since it can’t control it well enough to get it near the walls. EW just keeps bouncing around, landing hit after hit and completely ignoring Runaway Rabbit’s flips. On the other hand, it isn’t doing too much damage to Runaway Rabbit. It puts some scratches in the front of the flipper and RR’s top panel, and some small nicks in the top of the wedge, tears off one of RR’s decorative ears, takes a big chunk out of the right middle tire tread, and finally takes off the other ear, which leads to…


Yes, Runaway Rabbit’s ear is now caught in Epic Waluigi’s flail, and getting repeatedly smacked against its chassis and the floor. And… time out, time out! Noah is calling for an unstick, and rightly so because his robot has been entangled. This wastes about five minutes of everyone’s time because the arena crew has to power Epic Waluigi off completely and put the weapon lock in, then take it out, then put it back in in a different position so they can untangle shredded fabric and faux fur from its flail bar without risking losing fingers. Runaway Rabbit, please use foam or plastic ears next time.

Anyway, there’s still about a minute and a half left, and the robots pick up right where they left off, with EW doing more damage to Runaway Rabbit’s tires, but nothing that seriously affects its mobility, and Runaway Rabbit tossing EW around a bit more and almost getting somewhere in the general vicinity of where OOTA range would be if their flipper hadn’t used up most of its gas anyway.

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Runaway Rabbit 2, Epic Waluigi 3
Aggression: Runaway Rabbit 3, Epic Waluigi 2
Control: Runaway Rabbit 2, Epic Waluigi 3
Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Epic Waluigi!

To Fry vs --

To Fry spins up the blade and goes after Rack Em Up. Assbees, while banned, is using black magic from outside the arena to drive his robot. The problem is that he can't see shit :v. It moves very quickly, but immediately screeches into the wall. To Fry boops it's side, causing the side to buckle. Rack Em Up gets underneath to fry and gets a wheel in his own tiny, personal pit. Or at least, it was a tiny, personal pit until To Fry makes it into a free-for-all, wide open assho--well you get the idea. Another hit buckles the wedge. Rack Em Up slides side first into the short wall. To Fry says 'boop' in bot language and sends it over the wall. As a token of gratitude for filling in the bye, assbees is sent home with his very own Rainbow Dash plushie.

To Fry wins by OOTA in something seconds


Splashdown vs Flash Flood

Flash Flood immediately box rushes. Splashdown, erm… box rushes in a completely different direction. It manages to stop itself before it hits the wall, tries to line itself up, and zooms a different direction again. And basically Splashdown YOLOs around the arena for a while. Its wedges are making it slightly less twitchy and uncontrollable, but the thing is still geared to spin at what, a thousand rpm, so the slightest error in turning input causes it to spin all over the place. After about a minute of failing to teleport behind Flash Flood, during which Flash Flood wedges it once without much result, Splashdown finally gives up and actually spins up.

At this point the rest of the fight is exactly what you’d expect from a front-hinged flipper fighting a melty with a durable wedge: Flash Flood is consistently the aggressor, rushing Splashdown and ramming it, but because even by front-hinged standards it needs a LOT of bite to use its flipper and it’s fighting a melty, it doesn’t get many changes to use its weapon due to Splashdown just bouncing away every time. By which I mean it overturns Splashdown once. However, Splashdown fails to do anything more than scratching Flash Flood’s wedge up and maybe slightly bending the wedge teeth.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Splashdown 3, Flash Flood 2
Aggression: Splashdown 1, Flash Flood 4
Control: Splashdown 0, Flash Flood 5

Your winner, by an 11-4 Judges’ Decision, is Flash Flood!

Der Metzgermeister vs Bluebot

Bluebot starts driving in a circle around DM. Eventually, Bluebot skids a little too much and leaves an opening for DM. One fork is under Bluebot and vice versa for DM. DM brings the arm down and greatly warps the support on top. It takes another shot and now the beater is barely hanging on. But guess what? Bluebot is still somewhat underneath the butcher and turns a bit. This causes the entire arm to break off it's mounting. The eggbeater is now askew, and is having trouble staying at top speed. Cripple fight! I really don't want to go full fledged on a cripple fight like this lol. But all in all, Der Metzgermeister gets under more often than not, although Bluebot gains control after a few exchanges.

Aggression: 9-6 Bluebot
Damage: 8-7 Bluebot
Control: 10-5 Der Metzgermeister

Winner: Der Metzgermeister, 23-22.

Icebreaker vs Twin Typhoons

Both typhoons spinning up to speed coming at Ice Breaker, also at full speed. They both want to end this quickly. Twin Typhoons might be slow, but they're still able to pull off the swarming strategy. Ice Breaker is on the attack of the green typhoon advancing. It smashes into it, but gets sent backwards into the pink typhoon. Pink typhoon goes flying upward like an angry helicopter blade, minus the helicopter. Both twins spin back up on the attack. Green typhoon isn't spinning as fast. Might've taken some damage from that last hit. But Icebreaker wants that green storm dead. 2 hits, and the third comes from the pink typhoon! Ice Breaker gets sent up at an angle and richochets off both. Ooooo. Ouch. The baseplate is pealed back on one corner. Frozen tuna anyone? Green is almost out of commission, and the melty isn't working. Pink is looking battered too. Icebreaker spins up for one last assault. Final impact! The last one is a doozy. Green's immobile and it's bars are bent to shit and Pink can barely move, but there's smoke coming out of Ice Breaker! And I don't think that's frost from the ice machine, they hit a lipo! It slows to a crawl, and eventually...stops. one of Green's drive motors starts to smoke as well as Pink does an awkward victory spin.

Twin Typhoons wins by KO in 2:36

Hobart vs Lilian

Hobart gets its flails up to speed and darts out into the middle of the arena. Lilian advances with its deadly hammer held at the ready. Both bots circle around each other, feeling each other out and trying to find an opening to get to each other’s sides, but neither lets it happen – although Hobart gyrodances quite a bit. They end up meeting head-on, and Hobart’s forks slide right under Lilian’s plow. But its forks are actually so shallow that they can’t feed the edge of Lilian’s wedge into the blade before the upper part of the plow makes contact. Lilian gets spun around and sent skidding backwards with a long gouge partway through the upper section of its plow, but it doesn’t flip it over, and as Hobart tries to come in for a followup hit Lilian whips around to face it, resulting in another glancing blow. Lilian’s forced back again, but it continues to ram its face into Hobart’s spinner and brings it to a near stop. Hobart starts to back away, but before it can do so Lilian’s hammer fires and it slams down on one of Hobart’s weapon pulleys, knocking a belt off.

Both robots retreat, still functional, and start trying to flank each other again. Hobart clips the edge of Lilian’s plow, bending the corner up and sending Lilian flying away, although again it isn’t overturned. But the next time the bots meet, Lilian manages to get past Hobart’s forks, and brings the hammer down on the small bit of horizontal armor between the weapon supports and the sloped sides. And… Hobart’s infamous reliability takes hold again as it grinds to a halt. Welp.

Your winner, by knockout in 0:56, is Lilian!

Backstab vs Dreamchaser

Syl isn’t here for some reason. I wonder why that might be.

Winner: Backstab, KO by Forfeit

Terpsichora vs Killjoy II

The battle starts with Terpsichora wiggling from side to side as its drum gets up to speed while Killjoy tries to come in from an angle. Terp suddenly lurches off towards the side and hits home hard, smashing into the left-hand long wedge and flicking the sawbot over. Terp is able to maintain the offensive, and as its opponent crash-lands awkwardly and tries to self-right with its saw arm, the drum spinner is able to get underneath and get an ENORMOUS hit on the back portion of Killjoy! The sawbot is flung through the air again and this time it lands right-side up, but it's started spewing smoke and the weapon has completely stopped. Noisey taps out before Killjoy can sustain any more damage. A fortunate win for Terp, perhaps, but they all count.

Winner: Terpsichora, KO by Immobilization, 00:55

Ramshock vs Thieving Magpie

Burger Princess vs --

Number 15: Burger King Foot Princess. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is a 16 weapon undercutter, but that might just be what you get. A 4channer uploaded a photo anonymously to the site showcasing his undercutter wedged in Hellhound’s plow. With the statement: "This is the spinners you get on ARC." Admittedly, he had wedgelets on.

But that's even worse.

The post went live at 6:24 AM on July 6, and a mere 3 minutes later, the tournament organiser in question was alerted to the rogue roboteer. At least, I hope he's rogue. How did it happen? Well, the ARC user hadn't removed the weird-ass wheels from the uploaded photo, which suggested the culprit ate plenty of dicks. This was at 6:27. Three hours later at 9:27, the TO posted with wishes for more writing staff. 5 minutes later, the news station was contacted by another 4channer. And three minutes later, at 9:30, a link was posted: ARC’s online forum. The undercutter photo, otherwise known as exhibit A, was attached. The police contacted the forum in question the next day. When questioned, the admin said "Oh, I know who that is. He's getting kicked out of the tournament." Mystery solved, by 4chan. Now we can all go back to making speed wedges in peace.

Your winner, by a 15-0 Judges' Decision, is Burger King Foot Princess!


Gigaflare vs Frogbot

Neurotoxin vs Dragonfist

Neurotoxin charges across the arena, wheely-ing slightly, as Dragonfist tries to spin up and get out of its square. It slams into Dragonfist, but it’s a glancing hit and Dragonfist bounces away to the safety of the middle of the arena, and avoids another charge enough to get its weapon up to full speed. Undaunted, Neurotoxin charges into the radius of the flails. Dragonfist gets knocked aside again, its weapons bouncing off of Neurotoxin’s wedge and putting some decent scrapes and dents in it, but the wedge is tall enough that it protects the entire chassis from DF’s bouncing flails.

The claws are another matter. Neurotoxin rams Dragonfist at high speed again, angling into its spin direction, and this time a flail catches its left claw, bending it sideways a bit. But the impact also pops Dragonfist into the air, and it lands at an angle and starts coining. That’s all Neurotoxin needs to muscle underneath Dragonfist’s shell and raise its wedge. It gets an awkward grip on Dragonfist’s sloped side and one of the teeth, but it’s not a firm hold, and as it tries to push DF into the wall it falls free.
Dragonfist starts spinning again, but Neurotoxin bumps the flails and takes enough energy out of the weapon that it can’t get up to speed again before Neurotoxin attacks for real and forces it into the wall. And it doesn’t get up to full speed again more than once or twice the rest of the match, and even then it doesn’t do much damage aside from bending one of the little green “ears” protecting Neurotoxin’s wheels. Neurotoxin’s bent claw also seems to still be functional.

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Dragonfist 3, Neurotoxin 2
Aggression: Dragonfist 1, Neurotoxin 4
Control: Dragonfist 1, Neurotoxin 4

Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is Neurotoxin!

Blue Max vs Axtinguisher

I can sum this match up in six words: she's up tae speed now bois. Axtinguisher can't get there before it reaches dangerous speeds. It becomes very tentative for a bit. Something goes flying and Axey G misfires. That wedge is pretty fucked up. Alex fired the axe again, but misses. And there goes the axe. Axtinguisher shoots butane vapor all over the arena. One more shot and it ain't moving no more.

Blue Max wins by KO in 1:03

Neophyte Redglare vs Hati

Neophyte Redglare vs Hati Wedge fight? Wedge fight. Both bots rush for one another, jostling for control, with Hati slipping under easily and bashing Radglare into the wall. The Homosuck's supposed to be the sick skater one here, judging by a brief browsing of the Wiki for shitposting purposes, so I guess it's slightly appropriate Hati's grinding it about the edge, not really letting Syl get a chance to recover for a good while, though it does slip free after a bit, popping the plow down and briefly catching Hati on it, though HFL is able to J-hook away before Syl gets a chance to capitalise on this. The fight continues in a fairly similar way, with Hati getting in lots of slams, NR managing to get a couple in before the bell, though.

Aggression: 12-3 Hati
Damage: 8-7 Hati
Strategy: 9-6 Hati

Hati wins, 29-16.

Dredd vs Champ

Champ tries to go head-to-head, fails, and gets dominated due to Dredd aggro-in him the entire match. Yep, seems about right. Unfortunately while laughing at how ridiculously his bot is winning Noah falls off the driver’s platform and bruises his ass, which costs him in the damage department.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Dredd 2, Champ 3 (neither bot sustains any damage, Champ causes more damage to enemy driver)
Aggression: Dredd 4, Champ 1
Control: Dredd 5, Champ 0

Your winner, by an 11-4 Judges’ Decision, is Dredd!

Outrage vs Harpy

This one's a case of overprediction. Outrage spins up and wobbles over towards the centre of the arena, but Harpy is much faster and able to smack into the big time bar while it's still spinning up. It deals damage, sure, and there's a great big scrape along the face of the wedge, but that wedge geometry causes the bar to tilt backwards and make contact with the floor. Outrage is duly hurled around the arena like a Calvin Klein model on Drag Race, and eventually the bar stops and it comes to a rest upside down and on the other side of the ring. Shaba has barely been able to keep up, but now has an opportunity to ram Outrage into the side wall - and does so. Again, Outrage spins up in time; again, this causes it to take flight after the initial impact with both its opponent and the arena floor. The battle comes to an abrupt end when Outrage bounces the wrong way and becomes inextricably tangled in the wall extenders. Harpy certainly looks like it took some punishment, but it emerges victorious.

Winner: Harpy: KO by Immobilization, 01:55

Flame Grilled vs Smackdown

With Pat finally extricated from the tangled morass of body pillows and worrying stickiness that forms his pit bay, the battle begins in earnest. Flame Grilled tries to get all up in Smackdown’s grille, flaming or otherwise, but Pat’s having none of it, using the bot’s superior speed to keep the blazing hammer at arm’s length. Smackdown lines up a hit and drops the Big Time Hammer, and it’s a NASTY hit, smashing down into the top panel of Flame Grilled and caving it in almost immediately. The sheer force of the impact flings the Patbot into the air, but TBR can’t capitalize on it. That big hit pinned a drive wheel and it can only go in circles. Pat recovers and delivers another punishing blow to the same spot, but this time it catches the fuel reservoir AND the batteries. The resultant LiPosplosion eviscerates both bots, and it has to go to the judges.

Aggression: Flame Grilled 3 — 2 Smackdown
Damage: Smackdown 5 — 0 Flame Grilled
Control: Smackdown 4 — 1 Flame Grilled

Winner: Smackdown, 12-3 JD

Vortex vs Pink dog

Pink Dog seems… oddly muted. Wait — what’s going — oh dear! It turns out that this was just a cardboard cutout of Pink Dog, and the real bot is nowhere to be seen! What a peculiar happenstance.

Winner: Vortex by Forfeit


Lambastor vs Tongue of the Fatman

Lol Lambastor didn't show up. Again. I don't have the energy to write something funny, ToTF gets a free win.

Neuromancer vs --

Neuromancer just about manages to lift up and fling the big pile of William Gibson books out of the arena.

Winner: Neuromancer by default.

Boy Flaily vs Magnolia Grande

Death Metal vs Coronal Mass Ejection

The battle begins with Death Metal's blade roaring into life as it heads towards the centre of the arena, with CME... oddly not going for an outright box rush, giving the bar time to spin up but making sure it has complete control over its movements. HFL is still trying to shove its face into DM's fist, though, and the first hit is about to be a head-on collision - until Shaba turns at the last second, veering to the right and catching the edge of CME's flipper plate. It takes a nasty gash, but the impact flings both robots away and Death Metal has a devil of a job recovering and getting the bar up to speed again, not least because HFL is capitalizing on the opening and ramming the spinner into the side walls before it can react. DM is able to get away at one point, though, and it does manage to get up to speed. HFL's approach immediately becomes more cagey and Shaba tries the same fakeout, but this time in the opposite direction! This one works better as CME corrects in the wrong direction and Death Metal's bar tears into the flipper's flank, chewing through the armour and tearing up something important. Once again, the two robots are flung apart, but this time CME is the slower to react, and its drivetrain is suffering from that enormous hit. Shaba is able to take advantage and delivers another slam into the back of the machine, this time ripping off one of the wheels and gouging a great big chunk out of the back. Venting CO2 and with the judges' decision obviously not about to go his way, HFL taps out and Shaba takes the W.

Winner: Death Metal, KO by Immobilization, 02:19

Tabor vs ICR Speedwagon

The match is underway and what looks to be a strategic wedging war ensues. However, these are anything but boring wedge bots. These are two totally unique lifter and flipper bots with Tabor having its lifter on a turret and ICR: SW with both front and rear-hinged flippers. ICR heads straight for Tabor while the orange plow doesn't seem as aggressive and just kinda hangs out by the short wall. ICR charges in and attempts to angle in on Tabor's plow. Tabor, however, just uses its turret to get the plow in ICR's face. the two bots clash and both try to lift the other. Tabor seems to win the first exchange by having the more powerful weapon. ICR then retreats before attacking again, this time getting under Tabor's plow just enough to get in a flip that sends Tabor backwards and almost overturning it.

The Team Worst Swordsman bot skitters backward before coming to rest against the short wall. The Ice Cubed Robotics speedy flipper is on Tabor once again and gets under her plow. However, ICR isn't powerful to OOTA Tabor, even over the short wall. So, it just pins it there for the allotted time, then releases. Tabor manuevers away from the wall and makes its way more to the center of the arena, ICR backed away to allow Tabor to escape before charging in on it again. Tabor, however, has the upper hand in this exchange, its plow lifting the front of ICR: Speedwagon off of the ground and charges for the short wall and slams it into it, hard! Tabor may have only 2 wheels, but those wheels are connected to some powerful drive motors! It's still on ICR and it's attempting to OOTA ICR. Oh! ICR just barely gets away by gaining traction on the wall itself! It zips back around Tqabor, who maneuvers its turret to counter, but ICR is just slightly quicker and gets under Tabor, once again. The rest of the fight continues like this with a very close back-and-forth between the two Brit bots. And, this will go to a judges decision-and not an easy one, at that. I really don't envy their job right now.

Aggression: 3-2 ICR
Damage: 3-2 ICR
Control: 3-2 Tabor

ICR Speedwagon wins via 8-7 Judges' Decision!

Vertigo vs Carbon Z

Vertigo vs. Carbon Z (HW Week 6):

Vertigo spins up and charges straight for Carbon Z. Carbon Z also charges in, but then, uhh, veers off and causes it to miss completely. Ole or something. It turns around and tries to go after Vertigo, but meanwhile Vertigo has remembered its blade isn’t up to speed yet and also runs off, and both parties end up looking pretty silly.

They square up again, this time with Vertigo actually at full speed, and charge at each other again. Both bots have lifting forks, but Carbon Z’s are much longer and farther apart, and it gets under the side of Vertigo. It can’t clamp down in that position without feeding its clamp arms into Vertigo’s weapon, but it pushes Vertigo back. Vertigo forces its weapon arm down, tipping its Chassis back, but, well, its wheels aren’t touching the ground now. Carbon Z gets one of its clamp arms clipped, but it looks like they’re pretty springy, so there’s only some minor bending. And Carbon Z is able to adjust its grip and safely bite down! It tries to suplex Vertigo, but overbalances, and meanwhile Vertigo forces its weapon into the ground again. It’s an awkward position and neither bot can do much, but Carbon Z eventually shoves Vertigo into the wall and pins it.

The next couple of exchanges pretty much go like this too. Vertigo gets a glancing blow to Carbon Z’s fork, and another solid hit to the top clamp arms, but it’s having trouble keeping the weapon pointed at Carbon Z and CZ keeps getting under its corners. Vertigo manages to free itself by pressing its forks down and slipping out of Carbon Z’s grasp, but again, this robot high-centers itself when it does that and the lifter’s slow, so this is Carbon Z’s cue to get another good wall-slam that actually flips Vertigo over on its side. It pushes itself away with the arm, but flops onto its back and has to retract the arm, then extend it again to self-right. By this point Carbon Z easily catches Vertigo with its weapon arm raised and gets another grip, blocking the arm from lowering with its clamp. Vertigo gets bullied into the wall. It breaks the pin by backhanding the arena wall, but has to run away and spin up.

Basically it’s Carbon Z suboptimally pushing Vertigo around, but still Carbon Z pushing Vertigo around, for almost the entire match. The clamp arms are looking pretty banged up by the end but that’s really all Vertigo was able to do.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Carbon Z 2, Vertigo 3
Aggression: Carbon Z 4, Vertigo 1
Control: Carbon Z 4, Vertigo 1

Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is Carbon Z!

The CMC vs Tulta Munille

The battle kicks off with Pat’s trio of waifus barrelling towards Borkboi’s Swiss army bot, here sporting its multiple-hammers configuration. Wolfy’s playing this a lot more passively though, at least at first, waiting to see how Pat approaches things. And he guessed right. Correctly ascertaining that one bot would bait while the other two flanked, Tulta takes the bait and absolutely pulverizes Scootaloo. That’s the little orange chicken-looking one, for those watching at home. With his bait bot a pile of shards, Pat’s forced to commit to the attack, but Tulta is able to back up just slightly and sideswipe the two flippers with his side hammers. Sweetie Belle manages to get away, but Applebloom gets dragged in front of the hammer and soundly mulched. With two out of three down, the battle is done, and cease is duly called.

Winner: Tulta Munille, KO by Immobilization, 00:35

Highland Fling vs Starstruck

Tri’s plan appears to be “break my opponent’s fist with my face”, which is a good idea provided you have the armour to back it up. Highland Fling, for all its many positive aspects, does not. The battle starts with both bots spinning up, but Tri’s initial run at Starstruck just gives the horizontal time to angle into the strike. The enormous impact knocks a few panels loose and sends HF2 skidding off into the distance like someone’s playing a masochistic version of curling, and Badnik goes on the offensive. Another crunching hit later, and Tri dies a final death as his wedges lie scattered around the box.

Winner: Starstruck, KO by Immobilization, 00:55

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Re: ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Mon Sep 03, 2018 7:15 pm


RP here:


the bot on the left is in the red square, the bot on the right is in the blue square. keep in mind that the arena is asymmetrical, and this might affect your strategy.


Hat Garage vs Bruxish

I'mma keep this short because I'm doing a fuckton atm :v. Bruxish is unable to send Hat Garage OOTA. It does get a couple flips though. Hat Garage mostly dominates, exploiting the opportunity when Bruxish skids horribly. Bruxish get get much in without getting pushed away. Hat Garage pushes Bruxish away, but is mostly useless when inverted until it becomes uninverted by Bruxish after a second flip.

Aggression: 8-7 Bruxish
Damage: 10-5 Hat Garage
Strategy: 9-6 Hat Garage

Hat Garage wins 26-19

The Beast from the West vs Riptide

Welp, Beast didn't show up. Congratulations Riptide.

Riptide wins by FF

Buzzcut vs Private Iron

Private Iron gets put into the arena upside down for some reason, which is an... interesting decision, and the battle starts with it whirring into life. Its already slippery drive combined with the gyroscopic forces acting in the "wrong" direction means it can't orient itself very well towards Buzzcut's controlled aggression, and the wedgebot is easily able to get underneath it from the flank and slam it into a wall. This is how the entire fight goes. For three minutes. PI gets the occasional nick and scratch on the wedge front but there isn't a lot it can do. Do you understand why this tournament takes so damn long to write now.

Aggression: Buzzcut 3 - 2 Private Iron
Damage: Private Iron 3 - 2 Buzzcut
Control: Buzzcut 5 - 0 Private Iron

Winner: Buzzcut, 10-5 JD

Tree Surgeon vs The Mafia

Goddamnit I just realized that the minibots are illegal lol. Aren’t allowed to have projectiles, though I don’t really care since they’re functionally just for show anyway. Anywho this is a fight where tree surgeon’s arm is a major inconvenience for it – it’s too wide to hit anything other than godfather’s spinner. and while it’s holding up to the beating nicely, it’s also not getting much more than little scratches in terms of damage. it’s still control (albeit minorly disrupted control thanks to the minibots, whenever they actually try to do something. One gets flattened at one point though. That was kinda funny). it still does get under most of the time, but when Godfather gets under at least there’s cool flipping and stuff. There’s definitely an audience favorite and a clear winner here, and they are not the same.
Aggression: 3-2 Tree Surgeon
Damage: 3-2 Tree Surgeon
Control: 3-2 Tree Surgeon

Your winner, in a 9-6 decision, is Tree Surgeon!

Salamandra vs To Fry

To Fry bot rushes, immediately wheelies itself onto its back, and ramps off Salamandra's wedge, then continues full-speed ahead into the wall. On closer inspection, Pat turns out to actually be a cardboard cutout holding a controller with the forward stick taped down by a helpful member of another team as soon as the match started. And he would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling kits and their kitbot, Scooby D2.

Salamandra wins by FF

Epic Waluigi vs --

Epic Waluigi wins by FF

Vorpal Bunny vs Captain Trips

Angry Rabbit Thing does the spin spin. Trip Trap Fly takes a hit on the plow. The audience sees the gaping hole in the plow and think "ow" in unison. The Captain starts wedging and lifting Vorpal Bunny, but the blade is already spinning up. It sends the poor animal into the wall, causing it to bounce off another. It runs away to spin up, but Trips is relentless. It lifts it up and pins. Eventually Vorpal Bunny gets back up to speed and takes a bite out of the plow. Two big shots in fact. While Captain Trips does get quite a few lifts and clamps in, it isn't able to stop the blade on every attempt. It isn't until the final seconds when VB rips the plow clean off the robot.

Aggression: 9-6 Captain Trips
Damage: 12-3 Vorpal Bunny
Strategy: 8-7 Vorpal Bunny

Your winner by 26-19 JD is Vorpal Bunny

Runaway Rabbit vs Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper decides to just rush Runaway Rabbit. RR tries to matador and get past AP’s forks, but doesn’t pull it off and gets wedged. AP tries to clamp down, but just gets a bite of flipper and RR fires its weapon and gets free… only to get wedged again and actually grabbed. AP tries to lift RR up in the air, but can’t quite get to maximum height without overbalancing. It carries RR over to the low wall, isn’t even close to high enough for an OOTA, and just slams both bots into it at an angle, knocking the pair over on their sides. This also frees Runaway Rabbit. It’s the quicker to self-right of the two, and tries to get an OOTA of its on, but AP self-rights and scoots away just in time.

This is yet another battle between two robots that can’t actually do what they want to each other. RR is having a lot of trouble dealing with AP’s wedge, AP is technically controlling the match but unable to use its weaponry that effectively. RR manages to angle itself to get its wedge under the cross-pieces between AP’s forks and finally gets a good flip in, then another from the side as AP self-rights. But other than that, it isn’t really doing much.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Runaway Rabbit 2, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 3 (RR’s foam ears fell off)
Aggression: Runaway Rabbit 2, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 3
Control: Runaway Rabbit 1, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 4

Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is Apocalyptic Peacekeeper!


Flash Flood vs Hobart

High pitched motors whir the flails to life. Flash Flood ducks out and then angles under the forks. The flails batter against the wedge and eventually helps Flash Flood flip it over. Hobart tried to self right, but FF is driving it across the arena. It takes a good 20 seconds for Hobart to find breathing room and self right. It does so and the same thing happens again, this time happening with FF's flipper. It's not until the final minute that Flash Flood gets deep under Hobart as the flails spin, causing Hobart to climb up tje wedge and twist the flipping panel sideways. Hobart continues to hit the wedge as Flash Flood sends it around the arena, but it manages to stay upright for the rest of the match.

Aggression: 10-5 Flash Flood
Damage: 12-3 Hobart
Strategy: 8-7 Flash Flood

Hobart wins 24-21

Twin Typhoons vs Lilian

Twin typhoons spin the fuck up and separate. Lillian is far from fast, but it does manage to get around the two. It gets underneath one. It starts pounding at it with the hammer while piling I up on the wall. It adjusts to a new location when the other twin gets close. However, it manages to let the other twin go in the process of a third location switch. It's pretty beat up, but it still spins up just fine. It runs off again and repositions itself. Gabe looks like he's trying to get themselves to collide into each other, but it just ain't happening. It plows into another one, but it ricochets and catches the side of the wedge. Despite this, it scoops it up again. This time it can't seem to slow the thing down. As it's rebounding, the other typhoon is turning the corner to get to that backside. In a form of aggression and panic, Gabe fires the hammer, denting the head, but also hitting a sweet spot. One of the typhoons has slowed down. The twins now expand and keep a larger distance. Gabe does a good job of keeping the buggers off...for awhile. It's at the last 30 seconds where the pink typhoon slips past and nips at the side of Lillian. A wheel is removed, along with a big chunk of panel. But is it enough?

Aggression: 9-6 Twin Typhoons Damage: 9-6 Lilian Strategy: 8-7 Lilian

Lilian wins 23-22

Icebreaker vs Der Metzgermeister

The ARC Royale Burger. Now served with beef that is fresh, never frozen. Certainly not now, as Icebreaker is nowhere to be seen

Der Metz wins by FF

Bluebot vs Splashdown

Bluebot spins up its eggbeater and comes out along the side of the arena. Splashdown spins up and slowly melties its way out of its square. Bluebot lines up, and comes in and gives it a smack. Splashdown goes flying across the arena, but is unharmed. What’s surprising is that Bluebot also seems undamaged. Its wedge hasn’t fared well against spinners so far, but I guess the height Splashdown hits at and the tapered shape of its teeth saved Bluebot there. And this happens for the next few hits as well. But then Splashdown manages to strafe and hit the corner of Bluebot’s wedge, and its height also lets it slip past the angled corner wedges, directly hitting the support. BANG!

Both robots go skidding sideways. Bluebot’s wedge has been torn free on one side, and the support on the other side is severely bent. It can’t do anything but attack Splashdown though, and it gets the wedge torn off completely on the next hit. The eggbeater’s still working, and it gets a few more good hits, but eventually Splashdown catches its left front wheel and weapon support. This blows chunks of wheel across the arena and pretty much just mashes the wheel and frame rail inward, jamming Bluebot’s eggbeater. It remains fully mobile, so presumably the belt or chain got snapped by that hit too. But with no wedge and no weapon, it’s pretty much a sitting duck. This being its last group stage match with no chance at the playoffs, it valiantly charges Splashdown again, and another couple hits mangle its front so badly the eggbeater comes off its mounts on one side, the right weapon support and frame rail are peeled outward, and Bluebot finally taps out with only its rear left wheel spinning.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:48, is Splashdown!

Dreamchaser vs Burger Princess

Burger Princess spins up immediately and tears the entire undercarriage of Dreamchaser off, all in a few seconds. It's like Vanquish vs ICEWave, but sideways. There's rollers everywhere, splattering off of the arena walls, raining down upon the dissected chassis of the drum spinner. Why such a destructive instant win, though? Because fuck you, that's why.

Burger Princess wins by FF.

Theiving Magpie vs --

Shaba managed to FF versus a bot that doesn't exist lol.

Theiving Magpie still wins tho

Killjoy vs Backstab

To show you the power of pink sawblades, I sawed this bot in half!

Killjoy II wins by FF.

Ramshock vs Terpsichora

Pat's missing again. This time, the miscellaneous object for Terps to tear apart is... a Flandre Fumo! Wait hang on-

Terpsichora wins by FF.


Frogbot vs Neophyte Redglare

In the blue square, we have Frogbot! And in the red square, we have... Neophyte Redglare!

...or, do we? Neophyte Redglare? Hello? Hello? Welp, never mind.

Frogbot wins by forfeit.

Axtinguisher vs Hati

Ain’t no bonus in this tournament boi! Random +1s for certain weapons is the sign of a confusing and WEAK ruleset, and we don’t have one of those here :P . regardless, this is a match of disgusting drivetrain and wedge advantage, even more so than an armor advantage. Hati isn’t the great at pushing axtinguisher much of anywhere with nothing to hold it on the wedge, but that’s kind of irrelevant when he can just drive circles around his opponent anyway.
Aggression: 4-1 Hati
Damage: 3-2 Axtinguisher
Control: 3-2 Hati
Your winner, in a 10-5 decision, is Hati!

Dragonfist vs Gigaflare

Gigaflare is, uhh… looking strangely naked here. It has no plow, which is an odd choice against a shell spinner. But it makes up for it by going full hell for leather across the arena, and despite Dragonfist swerving away and trying to juke it, it slams into Dragonfist before it can reach full speed, and knocks it into the wall. The hit also puts a big hole in Gigaflare’s left self-righting pontoon and warps it inward, and tears a gash in the main wedge, but Dragonfist is momentarily stopped. Gigaflare wedges it, and gets it in position! The crushing beak ominously descends!

...and nothing happens. Gigaflare fails to cause any damage whatsoever to Dragonfist’s shell. It settles for pinning as long as it’s allowed to, but eventually has to let go. Dragonfist, err, runs away and starts to get its shell spinning, and this time manages to dodge enough to get up to a reasonable speed again, then clip Gigaflare with its flails at an angle that knocks the crusher off-course and buys Dragonfist another couple of crucial seconds.

Gigaflare’s only option is to charge into the circle of death, and it does so. The shape of its pontoons deflects the flails, but when Dragonfist’s actual shell makes contact it rips the left srimech pontoon off of Gigaflare and sends both bots flying. Dragonfist coins a little but comes down on its wheels and is able to spin back up. Gigaflare has part of its srimech just trailing by the cable, but it attacks again. This time though, the angle is right for the flails to bounce straight up into its beak! The huge impact dents the side of the claw inward and it looks like the whole thing may be twisted! Gigaflare charges in to try to get another hit, but gets smacked away again and a huge chunk of the angled side panels gets flung across the arena. Dragonfist gets knocked into the wall again, but Gigaflare doesn’t seem to have the traction to pursue it. The wheels are spinning, but the bot’s leaving a slick of hydraulic fluid behind it! Dragonfist is able to spin up, and comes in with another massive set of blows that curls the entire top plate of Gigaflare’s wedge up and sideways, and that stops Gigaflare moving entirely.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:49, is Dragonfist!

Blue Max vs Neurotoxin

Blue Max gets it's wideboi blade spinning . The first couple hits makes a large dent on the wedge of Neurotoxin. Blue Max slides up the wedge on another exchange and hits the claws. Neurotoxin grabs onto the slowed weapon, but can't really get a good grab on it. Eventually it does grab onto the body and pins it to the wall a couple times. Wall slams, more dents in the wedge and claws and all that jazz. It gets to the point where Blue May keeps getting wedged, but ones of the claws is starting to bend sideways. Very back and forth matchup. Aggression: 10-5 Neurotoxin Damage: 10-5 Blue Max Strategy: 9-6 Neurotoxin Neurotoxin wins 24-21

Champ vs Vortex

Gulden doesn't seem to have a lot of motivation in this match. It continues to get wedged and then thrown head over heels by the spinner. Wow. I've never seen a bot do a 720 before. Champ manages to get one good grip. Nom nom nom. But he has to let go after 30 seconds and does so. After a few flips, Vortex does his thing and we see the second coming of Bucky the Robot get sent flying over the short wall.

Vortex wins in 1:05

Smackdown vs Pink Dog

double FF apparently. coin toss says SMACKDOWN wins!

Harpy vs Dredd

Woo fast bots. They're both aggressive in the beginning. Dredd is getting under most of the time and is pushing Harpy away at any given moment. However, Harpy is getting under every now and then too, mainly due to Dredd wheelieing. Harpy is going berserk trying to wedge the weird plow of Dredd. Even as it gets pushed back, it drives right back at it. Harpy smacks into it so hard that she inverts herself. Basic wedge fight. Close match tho.

Aggression: 10-5 Harpy
Damage: 9-6 Dredd
Strategy: 9-6 Dredd

Dredd wins 23-22

Flame Grilled vs Outrage

TBR tries to hit a spinning 16 power weapon with a 10 armor hammer it’s near-invincible to, and it’s actually not an idiotic idea, all things considered. The hammer is still fucked after that hit (the entire gear assembly appears to have loosened, and it seems to be mostly held on by the chain and a lot of hope), but outrage is completely out of control, and wobbling dangerously. It smacks itself on the right drive pod hard enough for a few chains to go flying, but re-gains control eventually, just in time to be pinned to a wall for a bit. Wolf’s eventually freed by the pin timer, but is now limping around his right side, as one might expect given the damage he just gave to himself. He ends up stuck here for quite a bit – between the wall and flame grilled, a speed of OWIE is rather hard for him to get to. after quite a long while he’s able to get the spinner going decently enough to knock flame grilled away, and himself into the wall, and back out to center stage. And by quite a long while, I mean long enough that there’s only 1 hit left in the match before time runs out. it puts a dent the size of Kentucky in Flame grilled’s front, and the whole thing catches on fire. Tbh I’m surprised the first hit didn’t do that.

Aggression: 5-0 Flame Grilled
Damage: 4-1 Outrage
Control: 3-2 Flame Grilled
Your winner, in a 9-6 decision, is Flame Grilled!


Tongue of the Fatman vs Death Metal

Fatman waddles it's way towards it's opponent looking thicc af. Is someone playing a low E on the electric bass? Oh wait no. It's just Death Metal's weapon humming at full speed. The two connect. Fatman fires the all powerful flipper. It's not enough to send it flying, but it does send DM on it's side with it's blade skittering across the floor. There's a hole in the plow. Now it just says Hicc. DM spins back up and starts grinding at the plow. Fatman is Hicc now. But in the process of this, Death Metal gets ejected from the wedge of Fatman and starts spinning to all hell in midair because gyroscopic forces are a thing. Oof. One of those wheels looks kinda wobbly now. But does Death Metal give a fuck? No. It smashes it weapon into the plow again. There's definitely a hole in that plow. Another softer hit is exchanged and DM does it's version of a somersault in midair. Another crash to the floor, another hit the wheel, barely hanging onto it's mount. It's inverted now. Tongue of the Fatman goes for one final assault to finish it off. Death Metal rides up the wedge and nearly over the plow. One more flight on Thiccboi Airlines! Wheee--oh shit. Fatman's flipper is twisted sideways, but Death Metal is on one wheel. It's not enough movement for the ref, and Death Metal gets counted out.

Tongue of the Fatman wins in 2:47

Magnolia Grande vs Coronal Mass Ejection

The double-bladed spinner with the same general aesthetic as a regrettable tattoo is facing off against Atomic's nerdy goth phase in the final match of the season for both these bots, and it looks like they've both been studying up for this confrontation. HFL in particular has been seen doing odd things with a tape measure, while Force has decided to put his robot in upside down. The battle starts with MG whirring up to speed and CME hurtling forward to try and stop that very thing from happening. It works... ish. Magnolia Grande straight-up runs away from the box rush, turning around and dragging its lumbering carcass off to one side so that the initial charge goes astray. With both blades going at full speed, it's a very dangerous point for both machines, and CME realigns itself and feeds its face into the belly of the beast to try and get an OH SNAP! Magnolia Grande's bars are at just the right height to rip into the support frames of CME's flipper, and rip is exactly what they do! The poles get bent inwards hard and the flipper plate actually lifts up off the ground high enough that it can't fit underneath MG's support frame! HFL fires the flipper anyway, and it gets a big lift, but all that accomplishes is giving MG vital seconds to spin back up as the petrol engine kicks back into high gear, and another brace of hits bashes the flipping arm into almost total uselessness. HFL just throws in the towel at this point, and it's unfortunate that a promising season went out on such a low note for the Britflipper.

Winner: Magnolia Grande, KO by Immobilization, 01:01

Lambastor vs A Toaster

Toaster flings it's tethered toast projectile weapons too early, and just uses them as flails. It spins in place with no real purpose in life other than to make toast. Lambastor picks up the lost kitchen appliance and cruelly sticks it's spike into one of the slots. There's a dent in there now. There's also burn marks on the hammer. The toaster fights on, smacking it's toast at the opposition. The hits connect, but the toaster gets turned on it's side after Lambastor rams into it. Poor thing. It had one job in life and was then forced to take on a box with a point stick. What a life.

Lambastor wins in 0:24

Boy Flaily vs Neuromancer

Neuromancer immediately goes screaming across the arena at top speed, trying to get to Boy Flaily before it can spin up. It more or less succeeds, and hits BF with the flails still mostly retracted, but Boy Flaily is able to get its wedgelets facing it. Neuromancer rides up Boy Flaily’s wedge and gets bitch-slapped sideways by the flails. Boy Flaily backs away as Neuromancer recovers. It’s got its flails extended now. Neuromancer angles into the spin direction and deflects the blow, but the impacts push the robots aside enough that it can’t safely attack Boy Flaily’s chassis.

Boy Flaily lumbers away, still spinning. Neuromancer makes another attack on the flails, but rides up BF’s wedgelets again, and the top of its plow is starting to get dented and bent backward. It backs off and approaches more carefully, circling and trying to get around to the sides of Boy Flaily, and it looks like it might do it! It darts in, but can’t simultaneously curve around the side and properly angle itself. It takes the biggest hit we’ve seen so far in the fight, right on the corner of the wedge! The ABR shape is much less pronounced higher up, and it’s practically a flat plate at the height where BF’s flails hit.

Neuromancer is smacked sideways and spun around about 90 degrees, losing its rear right wheel to BF in the process, and the plow has been seriously warped, with the upper right angled piece torn off entirely. Boy Flaily’s still at high speed. Neuromancer advances carefully into the flails’ radius, this time catching them with its sloped wedge and slowing the weapon down. Boy Flaily reels the heads back in and starts backing away with its wedgelets facing Neuromancer, but it isn’t quick enough. Neuromancer puts on a burst of speed and gets to the side of Boy Flaily’s wedge, finally getting under it. From there, its immensely powerful drivetrain takes over, and it smashes Boy Flaily into the wall, stopping the spinning top. It lifts, and Boy Flaily topples over onto its back! There’s no coming back from there unless Neuromancer wants the fight to continue, but it backs off and takes its victory spin.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:02, is Neuromancer!

ICR Speedwagon vs Highland Fling

Not really sure what the point is by having a front hinged and rear hinged flipper, other than the massive benefit of running out of gas twice as fast, but hey, it does look neat I guess. Both bots want ICR speedwagon to aim for the corners of the wedges, despite ICR speedwagon not having a solid front. So yeah, GF drives straight at the corner, and his two wedge prongs each get under a separate hinged wedge, tri not able to glunk down properly before this all goes down. He has a bit of trouble getting any further under the massive bot, and just goes for the flip right there. Nothing of it though, other than popping HF up in the air. This goes on a few more times, with tri successfully glunking 2/5 times. Both of these times though, GF is ready, and backs off before the spinner gets to do anything tri would have liked it to do. The second time his wedge gets nicked a bit, but that doesn’t prevent him from finally being able to get a proper ram into the wall that gets him deep under HF, and using the front hinged flipper to throw the thing into the wall, and finally over.

Your winner, by KO in 1:44, is ICR speedwagon!

Tulta Munille vs Starstruck

TM's slippery drive is something of a problem when you're using a control weapon, but it's fast out of the gate against Starstruck and smashes into the spinner at pace. The impact sends both robots reeling, though the flipping plate on TM holds up well, and TM is the first to recover. However, this time there's a misstep. As it ploughs forward, a combination of good driving by Dylan and a bit of hardware error on the part of the flipper allows Starstruck to clip the side of the plate, spinning TM off to one side. The unfortunate part is that this one allows Starstruck's bar to tear an enormous gash in the back panel, sending important-looking metal things flying all over the place. With the arse hanging out of his robot and drive on one side a little limp, Wolf manages to turn and face Badnik one last time. He gets underneath the spinner and it's an almighty flip, but that's pretty much the last act from TM. It's limping forward, and though it's by far the slower machine, Starstruck is able to put the Finnish screamer out of its misery.

Winner: Starstruck, KO by Immobilization, 01:51

Carbon Z vs Tabor

Wedge fight? Wedge Fight.

Carbon Z has a pretty big inherent advantage in that its lifting forks fit right between Tabor’s wedge, and it has a quicker drivetrain. Unfortunately it starts out deciding to press its forks anyway, which lets Tabor do a lulzy turret maneuver and get to its side. Tabor lifts, but Carbon Z slips off the scoop and manages to actually wedge Tabor, pick it up, and smack it into the wall.

Well, that was cool, but it’s kind of the only cool thing Carbon Z pulls off. Tabor is kind of an awkward shape and it’s plow is really heavy, so despite its design changes it still faceplants if Rocket isn’t very careful with the lifter. However, Carbon Z doesn’t have much in the way of stabilization either, and Tabor’s also an awkward shape for anyone else to lift, and its tall scoop is tricky to get a solid grip on unless CZ grabs the top of it, and its turret makes it very slippery. Tabor eventually flips Carbon Z over, and with Carbon Z’s slow lifter it takes some time to self-right. Tabor uses this time to position itself to wedge Carbon Z again and muscle it into the low wall. After multiple self-righting attempts by Carbon Z and multiple unsuccessful OOTA attempts by Tabor, Carbon Z ends up high-centered propped on the wall, and its weapon can’t reach anything to free it.

Your winner, by knockout in 2:20, is Tabor!

The CMC vs Vertigo

The CMC vs Vertigo

Noisy: Ome wa mou shinderu

Pat: Nani?

Vertigo wins by slightly outdated meme

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Re: ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Sun Nov 04, 2018 10:46 pm


RPS will now be posted on ARC, since we have a stable website again. also reminder to brits that the daylights savings thing is currently happening. If you post past 9:00 PM MY TIME on Saturday, you WILL be marked late. You have a whole week, IDGAF about excuses for last minute posts.

the bot on the left is in the red square, the bot on the right is in the blue square. keep in mind that the arena is asymmetrical, and this might affect your strategy.

Rank in division (division - vorpal bunny division is 1). Red indicates a short wall start, and will always be the low, or he who defeated the higher seed as we move into later rounds (i.e. winner of a 1v4 will always be in ble).
Round 1 (Quarter-finals):
1(1) vs 4(2)
2(1) vs 3(2)
3(1) vs 2(2)
4(1) vs 1(2)
Round 2 (Semi-finals):
[winner 1(1) vs 4(2)] vs [winner of 2(1) vs 3(2)]
[winner 3(1) vs 2(1)] vs [winner 4(1) vs 1(2)]
Round 3 (Championships, bronze medal match, and shitbot showdown):
[winner [winner 1(1) vs 4(2)] vs [winner of 2(1) vs 3(2)]] vs [winner [winner 3(1) vs 2(1)] vs [winner 4(1) vs 1(2)]
[loser [winner 1(1) vs 4(2)] vs [winner of 2(1) vs 3(2)]] vs [loser [winner 3(1) vs 2(1)] vs [winner 4(1) vs 1(2)]]

Any robots possessed by frequent FFers or those who have left the forum (I think this affects Pat and Syl with To fry and Neophyte Redglare) were automatically dqed, and the next best bot put in. also the best 8 records were put in, with tiebreakers being head to heads -> # of Kos -> Point total.



Buzzcut vs Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

Both bots are raring to go but AP is the quickest out of the gate, hurtling towards Buzzcut at a rate of knots and angling in on the target. The wedgebot tries to force a head-on collision, but AP's having none of it and gets right underneath the wedgeboi, clamping down before it can escape. The lifter roars into life and AP parades it around the arena before smacking it against the wall a few times and letting it go, in accordance with the rules of clamp engagement. Buzzcut quickly turns away and this time it's able to go head on, getting under the spikes of AP's lifter before it has time to press. AP's 4WD comes into play here, as it tries to monstertruck over the top of the wedge - and succeeds! It's not quite how it would have liked, as the support forks jam into the comb spikes and pole-vault the machine over the top, but it does manage to bounce onto its feet. Buzzcut turns and makes another ram, but AP is able to accelerate away and turn on a dime for another attack. It switches over to assailing the other side of Buzzcut and manages to get another lift off, this time carrying it over to the short walls and trying to beach the wedge on the wall extenders. It doesn't quite work, as Buzzcut is able to free itself before being counted out, but that's more time on the clock being wasted for Buzzcut to make a comeback. It tries, but the three minutes run out before it can mount a particularly edifying attack. Cease is called, and it goes to the judges.

Aggression: Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 3 - 2 Buzzcut
Damage: Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 3 - 2 Buzzcut
Control: Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 3 - 2 Buzzcut

Winner: Apocalyptic Peacekeeper, 9-6 JD

Riptide vs Epic Waluigi

It’s a battle of two fast-moving vertical spinners: the tanky drum of Riptide against the big-wheeled glass cannon of Epic Waluigi. Both machines immediately spin up their weapons and come out of their squares, sizing each other up, and ultimately go at each other head-on. The weapons spark against each other and both robots are pushed back a little, and this happens a couple more times with neither machine really able to get a good bite on the other. Riptide’s trying to maneuver to get to Epic Waluigi’s wheels, but it’s doing a good job keeping its blade pointed right at its opponent – and finally there’s serious contact!

Riptide does a backward 540 degree somersault! It’s inverted and with its back to its opponent, and Epic Waluigi charges in! Riptide has to frantically turn around, and only barely makes it in time, with Epic Waluigi landing a solid hit on one of the drum end caps. Riptide gets tossed in the air again! Again it ends up inverted, but has more room to maneuver. Its weapon’s not powerful enough to let it gyrodance back upright, at least not quickly, so it squares up again and goes for EW’s right front wheel. Epic Waluigi is able to stop it again, though, and tosses Riptide a good four feet in the air, righting it in the process.

Both bots jockey for position. There’s another glancing blow from Epic Waluigi – it looks like that came very close to slipping between Riptide’s main drum and the end cap and hitting its frame rail! Riptide gets spun away, but not flipped over. It comes right back in for more… and finally gets the wheel shot it’s been looking for! Epic Waluigi is launched high in the air! The sturdy HDPE wheel holds up pretty well, but the tread and just as importantly the shaft don’t. Epic Waluigi is now lopsided, with one of its drive axles severely bent and the tread torn halfway off the wheel. There’s no chance of that wheel turning now, and perhaps even more importantly the weapon can’t spin freely without hitting the floor!

Riptide comes in again and tries to finish off its crippled opponent. It hits the stationary blade and flips Epic Waluigi over. Now the tribar actually starts spinning again, although it’s scraping the floor and making a few sparks. Looks like there’s a tiny bit more clearance upside-down. But Riptide soon fixes that: another weapon-to-weapon hit sends Epic Waluigi somersaulting into the air, and the damaged wheel breaks off completely when it lands. It keeps moving – this is the playoffs, after all – but it’s now weaponless, and Riptide quickly tears off the other front wheel, then gets a huge hit on the front corner of the crippled Waluigi that returns it to assist trophy status.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:58 and moving on to the semifinals, is Riptide!

Hat Garage vs Salamandra

Badnik's obviously nervous as the battle starts, and the opening moments show he really doesn't have much of a strategy for this fight. Hat Garage, meanwhile, has an obvious plan of attack as it powers forward towards Salamandra and digs in under the left flank of the sawbot. The bar fires and knocks Sal off-balance, and the punchboi starts to do what it does for the rest of the fight: manhandle its opponent around the arena, slam it into walls, and generally get up everyone's nose by being an unkillable brick. It's three minutes of this. Salamandra bounces off every wall in the arena several times. The judges barely even have to talk to each other before arriving at their decision.

Aggression: Hat Garage 4 - 1 Salamandra
Damage: Hat Garage 3 - 2 Salamandra
Control: Hat Garage 5 - 0 Salamandra

Winner: Hat Garage, 12-3 JD

Private Iron vs Vorpal Bunny

Private Iron seems not to have the keys in the ignition, but no such problems befall VB. The rabbit is able to get a good, solid hit on the flank of the Private and scattering it over a wide area.

Winner: Vorpal Bunny, Ko by Forfeit, 00:08


Flash Flood vs Splashdown

I mean, there's not much more to say here. Flash Flood is able to tank and stuff the spinner. There's not much flipping involved, but there doesn't really need to be. It's a good effort, but melty brain doesn't mix well if you're only hitting plow all match.

Aggression: 4-1 Flash Flood
Damage: 3-2 Splashdown
Strategy: 4-1 Flash Flood

Flash Flood wins 10-5

Lilian vs Thieving Magpie

This ought to be a good hammer vs. flipper dust-up. Let’s go ahead and get it underway, shall we? The Thieving Magpie charges across the arena straight at Lilian, then veers off at the last second. Lilian fires the hammer, and gets a glancing blow on TMP’s sloped sides. TMP heads off near the wall and tries to draw Lilian in, and Lilian takes the bait. It looks like there was another hammer blow in the mix, but TMP still gets under Lilian and gets a nice flip, knocking it against the wall – fortunately it’s the high one.

Lilian self-rights, but TMP is on it again as it retracts the hammer, and slides far enough under to be out of reach. Lilian is pinned against the wall! The hammer fires several more times, but can’t get it free. Just before the pin timer expires, TMP flips again and backs off. Lilian lands upright and goes on the attack again. It hammers at the front of TMP again – hard to tell if that was a tiny bit early, but there were white sparks so I think it hit. Thieving Magpie gets another good flip in, though, making Lilian self-right with the “pull” stroke of its hammer. A bit more jockeying for position and it gets another glancing blow, but then gets a solid hit on the top of TMP as it gets under it. But TMP pushes it over to the wall and gives it another good toss. Lilian bounces off the upper framework – that would have been an OOTA over the low wall! And again Lilian has to self-right, and barely gets away from being wedged by TMP again.

It’s now about a minute into the fight, and TMP tries to turtle by the low wall, but Lilian is not falling for it at all. There’s several dents in TMP’s flipper and top armor, they can’t afford to give up aggression points here, and after a few seconds of dithering around it comes back in. Basically Lilian’s maneuvering fairly defensively, but using its hammer aggressively, and it is getting some shots in, but it also misses a couple, and meanwhile Thieving Magpie keeps getting in flips and manages to pin Lilian sideways against the wall, which it takes Lilian over ten seconds and several more hammer blows to get away from. But when it does get away, it actually gets under Thieving Magpie’s front wedge!

TMP floors it backwards, but not before taking another solid hit from Lilian’s hammer. But is it my imagination or is the hammer moving a bit more slowly now? TMP recovers, and is being a bit more cautious, but eventually comes in again, and this time gets under the corner of Lilian’s wedge and gets another flip. In the process Lilian misses with a hammer blow, and it’s definitely not looking as potent as it did at the start of the match.

The dents to TMP’s flipper seem to have made it not completely flush with the ground anymore, allowing Lilian to get under it a couple more times, but TMP’s speed lets it get away without taking more than one or two hammer blows every time. And it seems like Lilian has used up too much of its gas supply early on, and while the hammer is still functional it’s not hitting nearly as hard as before, and even seems to have trouble righting the bot at the end. TMP gets another few flips, and they’re looking a little weaker as well, but it’s been a little bit more conservative with its weapon, and it still has enough power to overturn Lilian and put it airborne.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Lilian 3, The Thieving Magpie 2
Aggression: Lilian 2, The Thieving Magpie 3
Control: Lilian 1, The Thieving Magpie 4

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision and moving onto the semi finals, is The Thieving Magpie!

Twin Typhoons vs Terpischora

The battle starts and the meltybots split up, spinning up as they do to try and keep the drumbot from getting free hits on them. It even sort of works. Terpsichora charges down one of them with its superior speed after waiting for them to separate properly, and the resultant CRASH of metal on metal signifies that one of the Typhoons is being catapulted across the arena. The melty bounces end over end and Terp goes after it like a shark hunting down prey while Tri's other machine slowly trudges over to try and flank it. This doesn't really work too well for Tri as the melties just don't have the speed to properly flank the target, which is a bit of a shame really. It just turns into three minutes of Terp picking on whichever Typhoon is the most vulnerable to attack, and at the end of it all three robots are sporting dents and scars. Cease is called and the judges are called in to officiate.

Aggression: Terpsichora 3 - 2 Twin Typhoons
Damage: Terpsichora 3 - 2 Twin Typhoons
Control: Terpsichora 4 - 1 Twin Typhoons

Winner: Terpsichora, 10-5 JD

Der Metzgermeister vs Burger Princess

The Master Butcher gets butchered. And not masterfully either. It's in several distinct chunks all over the arena.

Winner: Burger Princess, KO by FF, 00:08


Frogbot vs Outrage

Outrage spins up as Frogbot rushes in and BLAM! The blade of Outrage strikes Frogbot's flipper, turning it into quite the tongue twister, but the deflected hit throws Outrage up into the air, gyrating gently before it impacts, the inner chassis wobbling in a rather terrifying way. Frogbot returns on its assault, repeating the manoeuvre before Outrage can properly recover, taking a nasty gash to the eye but getting sticking it up against the wall, and attempting an OotA. Outrage goes up, and down... sorta. One of Outrage's drive pods is hooked on the outer wall, whilst the other's still in the ring, resulting in Outrage getting stuck, wiggling back and forth in the miniscule arc that its drive can perform. Ref's not a fan of this, and counts Outrage out of the tournament.

Frogbot wins by KO, 1:09

Hati vs Flame Grilled

Hati roars out of the blocks and starts trying to juke around to the side of Flame Grilled, but TBR's having none of it and he's able to get some good, solid hits off with the hammer. Unfortunately, this is a patented No Fun Allowed Machine, so the axe blows deal slightly less damage than that achieved by tickling its balls with an ostrich feather. The two robots dance around some more, but a missed strike by the hammer leaves it open to being thoroughly wedged by Hati. FG tries to use the recoil of the hammer to get off the wedge, but it's pretty thoroughly high-sided and just gets slammed around. It's like this for three minutes. There's plenty of action, but it's all very monotonous: Hati drives the hammer into a wall, Hati drives the hammer into a different wall, Hati drives the hammer into the previous wall. You get the picture. Anyway, the judges are called in to officiate and oh God Hati's a boring robot to write matchups for.

Aggression: Hati 3 - 2 Flame Grilled
Damage: Flame Grilled 3 - 2 Hati
Control: Hati 4 - 1 Flame Grilled

Winner: Hati, 9-6 JD

Neurotoxin vs Harpy

Wedge Fight? Wedge Fight.

Basically, despite Neurotoxin having a better wedge than Harpy it keeps trying to get to the side with a slower robot, and exposes its own corners in the process. It does get under plenty, but can’t really get a good clamp in with Harpy’s hinged claws keeping its own claws away, and its weapon mechanism tending to let an opponent slip backwards off its wedge. On the other hand Harpy can’t control Neurotoxin that effectively either. So it’s three minutes of pushing with nothing really spectacular happening.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: No.
Aggression: Neurotoxin 2, Harpy 3
Control: Neurotoxin 2, Harpy 3

Your winner, by a 6-4 Judges’ Decision and moving on to the semifinals, is Harpy!

Dragonfist vs Dredd

Absolute brick vs absolute spinner. Dredd takes it on the nose in the first exchange. Dragonfist hits it and bounces up in the air, hitting the top part of the wedge. It makes a tiny dent, but it's not much to worry about. Despite getting a lot of good hits and nearly getting at a wheel due to Noah's complications on angling into a flail, it's not enough.

Aggression: 4-1 Dredd
Damage: 4-1 Dragonfist
Strategy: 4-1 Dredd

Dredd wins 9-6

Magnolia Grande vs Neuromancer

The win condition for Neuromancer is to be way, way more aggressive than MG and force the judges to take that into account. It looks like it'll be helped in this endeavour by the Monsterworks machine as, once the battle starts, the driver immediately enters full-on coward mode and runs away from the box-rushing wedgeboi. It buys the spinner just enough time to get up to full speed and deliver a monstrous hit to the front wedge, knocking both robots back. The wedge plate of Neuromancer is sliced open, but the floor has a big scuff along it too as MG is catapulted away by the recoil from its other bar. The machine comes to rest some distance away from Neuromancer, and once more it has time to spin up - just - before it takes another impact from the wedge plate. This time, though, Mango Grango stands its ground as its spinner bites into the ABR wedge, sending Neuromancer skittering away once again. Those big hits are doing something to NM's drive, too, as it's looking a little less responsive than before. It's still trying to drift around and box-rush into the blades, but OH! Oh, that's just NASTY! Goatboi tried to keep his wedge pointed at the blades, but something's gone a bit wrong in the drive and it's just been torn apart in the maw of the two bars! Bits of important electronic gubbins are scattered across the arena as Neuromancer does its best Vanquish impression. Mango Django Bongo Flongo advances to the semis, while Neuromancer advances to, er... probably the skip outside.

Winner: Magnolia Grande, KO by Evisceration, 01:44

Tongue of the Fatman vs ICR Speedwagon

It’s a battle of the flippers! Two little ones (on one bot) vs. one big one. They’re off, both robots going right for each other… and Tongue of the Fatman slides right under ICR Speedwagon, shoves it towards the nearest wall, and flips! ICR Speedwagon gets YEETed out of the arena almost immediately! What was that? That wasn’t even ten seconds!

Your winner, by OOTA in 0:08, is Tongue of the Fatman!

(ICR Speedwagon Forfeits)

Coronal Mass Ejection vs Starstruck

Basically, Starstruck gets a lot of good hits in and even gets a corner shot in between the weld on the plow. CME can't really get that angle he wants, but it doesnt matter, as he's able to get Starstruck flipped over as the spinner grinds against the plow. It self rights excellently. Again, it becomes flipped. The plow now has a decent hole in the middle. Another few hits and the plow is starting to come apart. But the fun all comes to an end when Starstruck tries to reverse to keep it's blade going, but can't keep up with CME's drivetrain as it gets pushed near the wall. It gets thrown upwards on its head, up on the wall. It's technically in the arena, but it's rings get stuck in between the short wall. Dylan punches the weapon to full throttle once again to free itself, but the wall keeps stopping the blade. Starstruck is Starstuck. Great fight though

Coronal Mass Ejection wins by KO (not OOTA) in 2:12

Vertigo vs Carbon Z

Vertigo's being... well, it's being a little bit strange, to be honest. It's oriented its lifter so that the bar is almost functioning like an axe, and it's decided to go into this battle arse-first. Whether or not this is an omen for its performance we can, alas, merely speculate. For its part, Carbon Z is wearing its forks this evening, and as the battle finally starts it chases down the vert and tries to circle around the spinner. Vertigo's having none of it, though, and it powers forward after Carbon Z. Alas, the slippery drivetrain and going everywhere in reverse means that Vert the vert isn't driving on the tippiest of tip-top form, as evidenced when it overcorrects and places its backside... front side... whatever squarely in reach of Carbon Z's forks. The lifter rams itself underneath the vert's wedge with ease and begins to drop the clamps, but Vertigo takes the opportunity to deliver a series of rattling blows with its bar as the lifter drops it back down! The thing clatters away on the grabbing arms, but alas to little effect. The sturm und drang does give Vertigo the time to escape, though, and it's back to fighting like a normal vert now.

Carbon Z is still trying to circle, and with Vertigo chasing it and scoring the odd smack with the now-conventionally-spun bar, things aren't looking too rosy for The GF Experience. After a minute or so of this, Gulden tries a different tack, pivoting on its axis and charging at Vertigo, trying to angle in on the thing. Noisey spots this and turns himself, forcing a head-on collision, and this time he wins the wedge war. There's an enormous CLANG as Vertigo's bar bites onto the lifting apparatus of Carbon Z, flinging it backwards in a somersault that scored a 6.4 from the Russian judge. As the lifter laboriously tries to self-right, Vertigo wobbles over and delivers another shot, this time to the conveniently overhanging sloped armour. This time, the thing does a barrel roll and lands on its feet. This is just about the last interesting thing to happen in the fight, though. Cease is eventually called, and the judges come down to deliver their verdict.

Aggression: Vertigo 3 - 2 Carbon Z
Damage: Vertigo 5 - 0 Carbon Z
Control: Carbon Z 3 - 2 Vertigo

Winner: Vertigo, 10-5 JD

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Re: ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by Rocket » Tue Nov 27, 2018 2:17 pm


With the Quarter Finals finally concluded, we move on to the semi-finals. The due date for RPs is MIDNIGHT PACIFIC TIME (GMT-8) WEDNESDAY 5TH DECEMBER. Any later than that and you FF. You've got a week to bash out an RP, and while I understand how IRL can get in the way of this tournament, rules are rules. =]

Remember that the bot whose name is in RED starts on the left-hand side of the arena. The arena isn't totally symmetrical, so this might affect your RP.

Anyway, the matchups are as follows:-


Apocalyptic Peacekeeper vs. Riptide

3-2-1, FIGHT! Riptide spins up its drum while Apocalyptic Peacekeeper guns it out of the blue square. Alex, however, isn't fooled by AP's box-rush and suddenly reverses direction. Drew attempts to angle in on the blue drumbot, but Riptide is able to maneuver so that its drum is facing the clampbot. AP attempts more tactics, but that isn't working, either. Finally, the clampbot just charges into the drum of Riptide. Sparks fly, but no noticeable damage is being done to AP's plow. Drew then attempts to employ the clamp/lifter, but the shape of Riptide's drum makes that all but impossible. However, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper can shove Riptide, and it does...for a few seconds. Without actually clamping it, Riptide J-hooks off of AP's plow. It then uses its gyro forces to swing around and attack the side of AP and flips him over!

Riptide backs off only long enough to get the drum up to full speed again. AP is using its clamper/lifter to self-right, but Riptide doesn't give him the chance and flips it back over. Now, AP backs away quickly to prevent Alex from chaining flips. He's also got to watch where he is in the arena, I'd imagine Riptide could get an OOTA with that drum over the low wall. Apocalyptic Peacekeeper drives back in and attempts the same tactics with very similar results. Namely, his plow isn't taking damage, but he isn't able to capitalize, either. What Drew does a good job at is his driving, keeping riptide at bay, for the most part, aside from one slip-up early on. Alex can't seem to get at AP's sides. But, Drew is getting impatient. He charges AP right into Riptide's drum and brings down the clamps, hoping to stuff it. It succeeds in stuffing the drum and AP uses its power to shove Riptide into a nearby wall and pins for the maximum pin time. Drew then backs away and one of the clamp arms is noticeably bent, but it still looks functional.

1 minute left in this close fight and AP wastes no time at charging Riptide once again. Riptide revs that drum up and I can hear that hum grow louder. Apocalyptic Peacekeeper charges in and Riptide gyros away, causing AP to nearly run into the wall at full speed, but Drew spins around to meet Riptide, plow to drum. More sparks fly as the two collide several more times-each driver looking for that ever-so-slight edge....and time's up! whew what a match! And, this is going to the judges. Who will be the ROBOT2 Featherweight Finalist?

Damage: Riptide 4-1
Aggression: Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 3-2
Control: Riptide 3-2

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges' Riptide!

Hat Garage vs. Vorpal Bunny

The battle kicks off with VB spinning up and countering the inevitable box-rush with, er... a box-rush of its own? Welp, no rule against it. Hat Garage is plenty fast enough to get there in time, but the spinner delivers a punishing hit to the centre of the ABR plough, ripping a gash out of the punchbar's entry hole as both robots are flung apart from the sheer force of the impact. The bunny powers down its vicious weapon in an effort to maintain control, but this proves to be a mistake. Hat Garage recovers quickly and bum-rushes it again, and this time VB can only manage a glancing blow to the side of the wedge plate. It still deals some serious damage, cleaving a chunk out of the orange w0dgeboi, but it doesn't catapult either bot away for very long. HG is relentlessly aggressive, trying to get VB under control with its wedge, but the spinner spins up so quickly and the driving of HFL is so good at forcing engagements with the centre of the plough that it doesn't look to be going Goat's way. And then - disaster! HG manages to get a charge off properly, ramming itself into the direction of the spinner's, er, spin. Now the tide is turning, though HG has some serious battle scars. The wedgebot rams the spinner into the side, slamming it into the wall over and over again with its punch bar. There's a worrying smell of overheated drive belt coming from Vorpal Bunny as it tries to get its weapon up to speed whilst being slammed into the side for a solid eighty seconds, but it does manage to get away in the end. As the clock ticks down, it spins up and delivers one final buzzer-beater hit as HG charges in. Cease is called and the judges begin to concur.

Aggression: Hat Garage 3 - 2 Vorpal Bunny
Damage: Vorpal Bunny 5 - 0 Hat Garage
Control: Hat Garage 4 - 1 Vorpal Bunny

Winner: Vorpal Bunny, 8-7 JD!


Flash Flood vs. The Thieving Magpie

Both bots rush out of their squares, with Flash Flood gaining the early wedge adventage, popping and chain-flipping Magpie several times, though Magpie does manage to escape after a bit, managing to get under the edge of FF's plow and popping them over. This time, Magpie's able to capitalise, bullying FF towards the short wall as it tries to selfright, managing to right itself just as it reaches the wall, but it's too late, Magpie goes for the OOtA. Flash Flood goes up, landing on the wall, teetering, wobbling, before deciding to topple outside of the walls.

The Thieving Magpie wins by KO in 1:14.

Terpsichora vs. Burger Princess

Both bots are cautious at the beginning. Burger Princess has the weapon at full speed. Will the anti spinner wedges of Terpsichora be enough? Terpsichora gets underneath quickly and knocks Burger Princess away. Another weapon to weapon hit sends Burger Princess up in the air. So far so good for HFL. He's wearing his lucky lettuce box slippers as Noah looks over at him grimly while eating a whopper jr. Huh? HFL stole his BBQ sauce for his $1 chicken tenders! The Queen-to-be of an amerifat's favorite meal starts driving even more aggressively, as much as a 4 speed bot can be that is. Another collison with Terpsichora grinding until the grazing of the blades turns into a large POP! Burger Princess goes flying. Terpsichora is...ok? It's missing some bolts from its left wedge plate. The next hit causes more pieces to go flying. Terpsichora's wedge is coming apart, now crooked. Burger Princess smells blood, but the next hit flips it over. The next hit is at an angle, and Burger Princess is only just getting knocked away. And just after I say that, the wedge flies off. Oh wait, they're nearby the short wall. One large hit disables the drive on one side of Terp, but it also sends Burger Princess out of the arena.

Terpsichora wins by OOTA in 2:57


Frogbot 2000 vs. Hati

Hati is wearing its full fursuit for this fight, HFL clearly hoping that it helps to focus the bot's weight onto the front forks for easier wedging and keeping Frogbot's weapon from doing anything unpleasant. Frogbot itself, meanwhile, sports forks of its own and is looking to use them. The battle kicks off with AF trying to force a head-on collision with HFL, but Hati manages to notice its bugle and owo its way out of that. At least at first, anyway. Hati is a faster machine, sure, but there isn't a lot in it, and it has to rely on its superior acceleration to come to blows with Frogbot properly. This keeps happening, playing into AF's hands by allowing him to drive reactively and finally force that face-to-face combat he wanted. Frogbot's forks slip under Hati's wedge plate and there's an enormous flip, Hati bouncing in the air and crashing back to Earth with a bump. HFL looks confident... right up until he tries to drive. One of the retractable ears has jammed open, and between that and the upended front skids the drive wheels have been lifted slightly off the ground, meaning that Hati's drive is now inconsistent and more than a little squirrelly at this point. It's the work of a moment for Frogbot to get behind Hati, shove it over to the low wall, and hoy it out with ease.

Winner: Frogbot, KO by OOTA, 01:26

Harpy vs. Dredd

Wedge Fight? Wedge fight. Just kidding, it’s the semis, y’all get an actual match.

Both machines are very quick, but Dredd is initially the aggressor, coming out and getting in Harpy’s face. Harpy swerves away and tries to go for the side of Dredd’s wedge, but Dredd is not even remotely letting that happen, and they meet head-on. Dredd’s got a lot of weight on those little narrow wedgelets, so nothing’s really getting underneath them, but the wedgelets are narrow enough that they fit between Harpy’s wedgelets, which while hinged, are much longer. Harpy slides underneath Dredd and starts shoving it back, with a bit of difficulty at first, then more rapidly as Dredd stops trying to resist – but then Dredd spins away! It goes for Harpy’s side, but Harpy darts off and spins around, and after a bit more driving they lock horns again – literally. One of Dredd’s wedgelets gets under Harpy, but Harpy’s other two wedgelets stay on the floor and get under Dredd, resulting in an awkward stalemate with both bots spinning their tires without much real effect until Dredd fires its punching bar and shoves Harpy away.

And it’s another 2+ minutes of fast-paced back and forth, with neither machine able to get a clear advantage. Harpy is winning the wedge war most of the time, and once or twice does get to the side of Dredd, but Dredd also manages to get around Harpy’s forks once and gives it a good sideways shove. I don’t think anybody’s gotten flipped over, but honestly how can you tell with either of these? Anyway, it comes down to, surprise, surprise, a judges’ decision.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Harpy 2, Dredd 3. Dredd blasted Harpy with the spark generators on its wheels once, and that’s something!
Aggression: Harpy 3, Dredd 2
Control: Harpy 3, Dredd 2

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Harpy!


Magnolia Grande vs. Tongue Of The Fatman

Fatman initiates with a yolorush at Grande as it spins up, though Grande is able to sneak out of the way of said rush by, barely in time to get to top speed before the two bots impact. Fatman's plow goes into Grande's left spinner, though the inertia of it shunts Grande away before Fatman's able to get the flip in, giving Grande time to retreat across the arena and get up to speed again. This more or less repeats throughout the match, though some flips do manage to make Grande hop up a bit. Skipping to the last minute or so, Fatman's plow is scratched to hell, now appearing to read "lnlႱႱ". Grande finally manages to get a break, smacking its blade clean into the side of Fatman after a surprisingly fast recovery, tearing a rather nasty gash in the side of it. Fatman manages to get a retorting flip in in the final seconds, and a surprisingly clean one at that, launching Grande clean into the air, it landing and popping a track just on the buzzer. It's gonna be a close one this time, folks!

Judges' Decision:

Damage: Grande 3, Fatman 2
Aggression: Fatman 3, Grande 2
Control: Fatman 3, Grande 2

Your winner, by an 8-7 decision, is Tongue of the Fatman!

Coronal Mass Ejection vs. Vertigo 3

So these two are pretty certain that they're gonna get underneath the other. Well, the first exchange doesn't look good for Noisy's case, getting wedged from the left portion of the front wedge and dodging the forks. CME flips. Can Vertigo self right with the blade? Oh, hey he can. And he's back on the attack on the flipper. Vertigo gets flipped again and doesn't self right as cleanly, but still stays on it's wheels. Under we go again, but HFL mistimes his driving and gets hit on the splatula. Another exchange and the two are stuck. CME is under one fork but over the other, and Vertigo's blade wasn't spinning fast enough to free them. A shot from the flipper eventually frees them both. More shots on the spatula here and there, but CME is getting a lot of flips in, and in one case, Noisy has to use the arm to self right instead of the blade. It's getting pushed by CME. Vertigo finally self rights...onto the flipper. It gets the blade spinning as it grinds away at the wedge of CME. It gets pushed around the arena, unable to drive away. Another, weaker flip from the Instant Regret Machine. I think it's starting to run out of gas. But it doesn't matter because CME finally gets Vertigo up and over the wall.

Coronal Mass Ejection wins by OOTA in 2:35
"The world's best swordsman doesn't fear the second-best; he fears the worst swordsman, because he can't predict what the idiot will do."

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FW: ENTROPIC DEGENERATION (0-0) (Lifetime: 0-0)
LW: ILWOON (0-0) (Lifetime: 0-0)
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Re: ROBOT2 - Divisions, Fight Card, Results

Post by Rocket » Sat Dec 15, 2018 2:50 pm


But it's not just the finals. In addition, we're also pitting the worst of the worst from the competition against each other in our Shitbot Showdown, because why should you have to be successful to warrant a postseason appearance? We're pitting the bot with the worst record from each division (that didn't quit the tournament already) to see who's the best of the worst. As always, the bot in red starts on the left. You have until MIDNIGHT NEXT SATURDAY to post your RPs. Have fun! =]


Shitbot Showdown: Bruxish vs. Runaway Rabbit

The first event of the finals is the featherweight Shitbot Showdown, and by some weird coincidence it features one bot that actually sort of works. Very much the victim of ill-starred circumstances, Runaway Rabbit remains cautious as the fight starts, waiting to pounce on its opponent. Bruxish, the slipperiest fish in the tourney, has no compunctions about being here, and it barrels out of the gates straight at RR. Tri is easily able to dodge out of the way and gets easy access to the back as Bruxish sails past. What follows is three minutes of something that isn't so much a fight as it is workplace sexual harassment. Runaway Rabbit is glued to Bruxish's arse and throwing the psychedelic cheesewedge around like a frisbee in a dog park. Cease is eventually called, but there really isn't a contest here.

Aggression: Runaway Rabbit 4 - 1 Bruxish
Damage: Runaway Rabbit 5 - 0 Bruxish
Control: Runaway Rabbit 5 - 0 Bruxish

Your winner of the Featherweight Shitbot Showdown by a nigh-unprecedented 14-1 judges decision iiiiiiiiiis Runaway Rabbit! Tri's got a few more ShSh fights lined up, so he runs the risk of being the person leaving here with the most trophies. I'm sure this will comfort him as he simultaneously weeps and ejaculates into a Touhou Project body pillow in the car park behind KFC.

Bronze Medal Match: Apocalyptic Peacekeeper vs. Hat Garage

Before our first Grand Final begins, we've got a bronze medal playoff match between two furries and their controlbots. Borkboi's planning on doin the foe a heckin big frighten with Apocalyptic Peacekeeper's fork setup, while Goatboi is content to have Hat Garage make sure everyone notices its punchbar. The klaxon starts, the robots fire up, and the first battle for a trophy people might conceivably want is underway! Immediately AP tries to angle in on HG, but Goatboi's a wily driver and he counter-angles to force a head-on collision at the last second, and Borkboi doesn't have the speed to press his fork tray before he's thoroughly wedged. HG puts the pedal to the metal and launches forward, and before AP can escape it's slammed into a wall. Goatboi fires his weapon and AP pings up towards the rafters, though it does bounce down in fairly short order and quickly self-rights.

AP tries to angle in again, but Borkboi's consistently outmanoeuvred by the 2WD pushbar. He just can't seem to properly get to grips on Goatboi's machine, and it's costing him control points. Without much in the way of damage in this fight, it comes down to aggression, and there hasn't been a lot of that from AP either, what with it spending most of the fight getting slammed into walls. Cease is eventually called, and the judges are summoned to work their infernal rituals.

Aggression: Hat Garage 4 - 1 Apocalyptic Peacekeeper
Damage: Hat Garage 3 - 2 Apocalyptic Peacekeeper
Control: Hat Garage 4 - 1 Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

The winner and therefore recipient of the FW Bronze Medal is: Hat Garage! Yup, that's right, people: a 2WD tanky wedge placed in a tournament. I'm shocked. Shocked, I tells ya.

Grand Final: Vorpal Bunny vs. Riptide

This is it, the finals. It's been a long while coming, but the final moments of this tourney are here, the finals commencing with the FWs- What do you mean, the LW finals already went up? Shush, this one goes earlier in the writeup, so there. Aaanyway, on with the show!

Both bots begin with a spin-up, Riptide rocketing out to meet VB head-on. VB attempts a juke around the side but Monsterworks makes the read, smacking blade to blade. VB takes the brunt of the impact, helicoptering into the arena wall, gyrating as the blade spins down. Monsterworks takes the shot, rushing in for another clean strike on the wobbly rabbit, tossing it clean over this time. A third strike lands clean on the back panel of VB, popping it up in the air as HFL tries his best to get VB away from Riptide, but his assault is unrelenting, another hit popping one of the wheel guards free from the rear panel, it flopping about as the bot is flipped over yet again. Eventually, VB manages to get enough breathing room from the hit to get away, barely getting spinning as Riptide pushes in once more, both blades striking at speed, with Riptide winning out once more. Up and down VB goes, Riptide ready to catch it as it lands, grinding its drum against the front frame. VB manages to get out, barely, but it seems its blade has packed up entirely by this point. Riptide gets the grip needed to toss VB clean over once more before the buzzer goes, though it seems Riptide's drum is looking mighty scratched as it spins down after cease.

Aggression: 5-0 Riptide
Damage: 4-1 Riptide
Strategy: 4-1 Riptide

Your winner, by a 13-2 decision, and the ROBOT2 Featherweight Champion, is Riptide! Congratulations, Monsterworks; please collect your trophy at the awards ceremony following the finals.


Shitbot Showdown: Bluebot vs. Backstab 3

Oh dear. It seems that Borkboi has been too busy ugly-crying in the toilets over his own failures to make the necessary repairs to Backstab 3 before its final fight. As the battle starts, it is lightly booped by Bluebot's spinner and promptly bursts into greenish-purple flames, since it has angered the eldritch gods that have been running this competition. You fool, Borkboi. You have crossed fell and unspeakable powers.

Winner: Bluebot, KO by IA! IA! BOTHULHU FTHAGN!, 00:19

Bronze Medal Match: Flash Flood vs. Burger Princess

Well folks, it’s time for the ROBOT2 Lightweight Bronze Medal Match! Say that five times fast! Anyway, we’ve got a twist here in that both drivers will be controlling the other’s robot. Let’s see how this plays out.

Well, Burger King Foot Princess immediately spins up and spins out of control briefly, and kind of lurches awkwardly out of its square. Looks like those toed wheels are taking a while to get used to. On the other hand, Noah’s having a little trouble with the fast, twitchy drivetrain of Flash Flood. It takes them about fifteen seconds to actually hit each other, at which point Burger Princess glances off Flash Flood’s wedge and hits the wall. Flash Flood tries to chase it, but rams itself into the wall as BP fishtails away like I know half of you idiots in the stands drive. Why are you booing me, have you seen the parking lot?

Anyway, both bots are still working, and basically it’s Spin2win vs. Come on and Ram, and Welcome to the Jam. Flash Flood gets Burger Princess on top of it at one point, but doesn’t flip – probably wisely, as BP’s blade catches and it hurls itself away again, putting a gash in the edge of Flash Flood’s wedge. As both drivers get the hang of the bots Flash Flood starts to gain an advantage, putting BP in the corner and stacking it up against the wall with the flipper, but Burger Princess’s weird shape means it comes down on its wheels and inverted. You might expect that the gyroscopic forces of having that massive blade at an angle would make it nearly uncontrollable, but remember, Starstruck is a Team Ignition Bot! Dylan gets control of it, and briefly seizes the initiative, putting some more scratches in Flash Flood’s wedge.

...and that’s time! That was, err, interesting at the very least. Let’s see what the judges have to say about it?

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Burger Princess 3, Flash Flood 2
Aggression: Burger Princess 2, Flash Flood 3
Control: Burger Princess 1, Flash Flood 4

And your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, and the lightweight 3rd place finisher, is… Flash Flood! And also, congratulations to Noah on beating your own bot.

Grand Final: The Thieving Magpie vs. Terpsichora

Terpsichora spins up. There is nothing being held back in terms of aggression with either of these two. Thieving Magpie angles sideways and turns to angle underneath. Terpsichora is turning to get that hit and they're both circling around each other. Eventually Magpie wins out and gets the flip. Terpsichora self rights, but does so onto the flipper. Another flip, but Terpsichora is able to back away. The blade is up to full speed and coming at the magpie. He wants that flipper gone. Thieving Magpie turns to take the hit not on the flipper, but on the sloped sides. Easy wedging for the vertical spinner. First grinding, then a big pop from the discs nearly sends Magpie over. Terpsichora is resilient though, and continues to get a couple hits, the second one hitting the lip of the flipper. There's a nasty dent on the right side of the weapon. Another hit on the other side panel peels it slightly upward. Magpie turns and aims the flipper underneath. One side pops up and the spinner dances and neatly settles back down. There's a grazing hit on the middle of the flipper panel that takes some paint off. Magpie pushes forward and flips it near the wall. It stays upright and there's an enourmous clang as the small silver side piece next to the flipper flies off. Magpie backs off a bit and then lines up. One hit dents the flipper even more, but Terpsichora gets sent flying.

Magpie's everything looks like it got chewed up and spat out of a meat grinder, but that flipper is still working. One flip sends Terpsichora onto it's back and this time Magpie doesn't let it right itself. It gets a shit ton of gashes on the flipper but gets a fantasic flip that tosses the spinner a decent ways away. Both hard pressed to send their opponent up and away. Magpie doesn't look like the same bot anymore and it's starting to have trouble driving. One of the wheels has a chunk taken out of it, and nearly removed, and the sides have multiple holes and gashes in it. Despite this, there's also a lot of flips coming from the opposition. There's five seconds left and one flip nearly sends Terpsichora up and out. It goes to the judges.

Aggression: 3-2 Thieving Magpie
Damage: 4-1 Terpsichora
Strategy: 3-2 Thieving Magpie

Terpsichora barely takes it 8-7! Congrats HFL!


Shitbot Showdown: Gigaflare vs. Champ

The battle starts with Gigaflare angling in on Champ's enormous frontage, and there's a lot of real estate for it to go for in that regard, but Champ's trying to get around to Gigaflare's sides itself. Superior control wins the day, and Gigaflare's able to bite down hard on the chassis of the - wait, scratch that, no it isn't. Tri's managed to get his waifu locking lips with the big teeth of Champ, and it's just not going through at all. Even through the transparent polycarb-looking bit on the top. I'm shocked. Shocked, I tells ya. Anyway, Champ is able to get back around and try for a bite of its own, and it does manage to chow down on one of the side pontoons, doing a little cosmetic damage but not much else. Gigaflare eventually extricates itself from the teeth and runs away to reset, and this time it attacks at a more measured pace. It is able to pick the right angle and easily get under Champ's frontage, and the resultant crushing actually does some - gasp - damage! Some of the spark cannons go off too. This is basically what the next three minutes looks like, a back and forth between two pretty dismal crushers trying and failing to rack up damage points. Eventually, the refs wake up long enough to call cease, and (after being prodded with a stick, provided a TV replay, and prodded with a stick again) the judges deliver their verdict

Aggression: Gigaflare 3 - 2 Champ
Damage: Champ 3 - 2 Gigaflare
Control: Gigaflare 3 - 2 Champ

In a very close 8-7 decision, your winner of the middleweight shitbot showdown iiiiiiis Gigaflare!

This is the first time it's won anything in the tournament!

I don't know who I feel worse for!


Bronze Medal Match: Dredd vs. Hati

Dredd forgot to show up. Oh bother. To help please the crowd, Hati bullies a minifridge around the arena for 3 minutes.

Aggression: 5-0 Hati
Damage: 3-2 Minifridge
Strategy: 5-0 Hati

Hati wins by FF. Bit of a letdown of a 3rd place match, but HFL can go collect his trophy. It's in the minifridge.

Grand Final: Frogbot 2000 vs. Harpy

After a long, hard road to get here, we’ve finally arrived at the championship round. Yup, only took like four or five months. Anyways, the Middleweight contest sees Team Stealth’s consistently quarterfinals-capped Original Sin ripoff, Harpy, try to finally break through against yet another iteration on Aquatic Robotics’ flagship design, Frogbot 2000, which is trying to not suck as badly as its long line of predecessors. At least one of these drivers is going to be chuffed to bits at the end of this writeup and completely willing to forgive my vulgar tone. I’ll expect some anthrax in the mail from the other.

The buzzer sounds and both bots come racing out! Then… they stop. They stop dead in their tracks and start circling each other like shy teenagers at a seventh-grade dance. Seems like both are feeling a bit inadequate to the task of actually going out there and wedging each other, so we get the slower bot – Frogbot – trying to angle in on or really even flank its faster, better-controlled opponent. That works out about as well as one would assume. The frog gets wedged and eats a…wait, no high-speed slam?

Well, for all of its magnificent speed and control, the gearing of Harpy’s motors doesn’t really seem to give it much of that low-end grunt needed to actually, you know, push anything. It starts slowly shoving the semi- high-centered flipper, but Jack just turns a little knob on his bot’s controller, and it j-hooks away.

They dance some more until Jack just decides, “you know what, mate? Fuck it. Just fuck it. I don’t have all day for this shit. Got a championship to win. Then I gotta get home and cook me some Kraft Dinner and watch Ninja Turtles on twitch! ” The madman. The bloody madman. Frogbot charges in, wedge to wedge, all like “WITNESS MEEEEE!!!” and that’s it, we have it: we have wedge-to-wedge contact. Fuck me. The wedges are touching. It’s a beautiful thing.

Then Frogbot’s wedge remembers that it’s in a fight, and this isn’t like that heartwarming moment from ET or the ceiling of the Vatican, so it gets beneath Harpy’s middle wedgelet and flips.

Well, that did fuck all. The little wedgelet goes “wheee” and pretty much absorbs the entire brunt of that mighty heave. I mean, to be fair, Harpy gets flicked up a good bit, but there’s no big fulfilling, Goku-finally-turns-Super-Saiyan-against-Freiza (during the Namek saga) moment here. What it does give is an opening for Frogbot to just slippy slide its creepy little tongue beneath Harpy’s underside and give it a second toss.

Welp, call the presses, folks. We finally have a flip. Harpy goes over, and…it does dick all. Bot’s fucking invertible. Still, at least it looks good to the judges, except the Russian one. Bloody cheap bastard. Nothing impresses him unless ACCount’s driving. Anyways, enlightened with the galaxy-brain notion that he’s fuckin’ invincible or some shit in the wedge war, our friend Froggo barrels in with wild abandon, but…he’s fucked it. It’s a wedge lock. I knew there’d be at least one of these during this fight. Beforehand, I totally called it. Ask HFL if you don’t believe me. Fuckin prophet, mate. That’s what I am.

Anyways, if you feel an affinity to rubber or just generally like the stuff, you might wanna fast-forward this bit. Lots of tires squealing and pushing and white smoke and a smell that should be awful but is weirdly kind of good, like gasoline. Harpy’s front pair of wheels are only able to intermittently touch the ground, just like an eight-year-old kid’s feet when sitting at a dining table, so it’s actually getting pushed backwards.

Danielle can really get into this whole ‘backwards’ thing, and she mashes the control stick backwards. Jack’s like ‘WTF mate? I can’t keep up no more’. Tough beans, Jacky-boy. Make a faster bot next time, ya wanker! So Harpy gets away, but that wasn’t so great for its aggression score. Russian judge is scowling again. Eh, he’s always scowling. I mean, I don’t know why. Maybe he has ulcerative colitis. Things might not be so great at home. Maybe he was up late last night helping his dyslexic son finish his homework. We don’t know, so we probably shouldn’t judge. That’s his job.

Anyways, it becomes clear pretty quickly that neither of these wankers have much else in their repertoires. Frogbot gets in another couple of good flips. Flippy flips. Flipperoos… The fight seems to have settled into a pattern of generally failed angling in, more wedge-on-wedge, and the odd toss. Not much to…

Well fuck me. Looks like I spoke too soon! Where was that all match? Danielle’s decided ‘fuck it’. Yes, that’s right. That’s the way to be! Harpy’s started spinning circles, just because. I mean, she’s got nothing to lose at this point, so why not? I support your right to feel beautiful. Fuckin', flourish, Harpy! Yeah!

You know, in between all the aggressive...flourishing, there may actually be something to this. Jack doesn’t know how to approach this…bootleg spinner situation and slip his bot’s slimy, sticky, disgusting creepy little tongue in where it firmly does not belong. But he’s a reliable fellow when it comes to ‘YOLO’, so the green wanker goes for it.


Still nope.

Nope again.


It works! It bloody works! That KD, twitch stream, and trophy is suddenly looking a bit more dicey than it did a minute ago. Harpy just punts Frogbot aside and…what’s this!? She’s managed to slip her wedge underneath. It’s a slam! Before Jack can do jack, it’s a slam. Fuckin’ hell. Good shit, but let’s be honest, it doesn’t mean fuck in the grand scheme of things. We get ten more seconds of good spinny action in there and Jack not really knowing what to do and then the buzzer sounds. Bloody weird fight. Good fight. Cheers, mate. Time to crack open a cold one or whatever.

Aggression: 3-2 Harpy
Damage: 3-2 Frogbot
Strategy: 3-2 Frogbot

Result: Frogbot 2000 proves that Jack can design something that actually wins and looks vaguely like an amphibious creature. Good job. Well done. Have a trophy!


Shitbot Showdown: Highland Fling 2 vs. Lambastor

Lambastor's had a rough tournament, but now it has a chance to finally OH GOD! It's driven straight up HF2's wedge and been completely mangulated by the face spinner! There's no way it can get out! The entire baseplate of the machine is being ripped apart, as we at last get to see what Highland Fling can really do! Cease is eventually called, but only after we see pretty much everything inside Lambastor get hurled around the place like a work of modernist sculpture.

Winner: Highland Fling 2, KO by Evisceration, 01:01

Bronze Medal Match: Vertigo 3 vs. Magnolia Grande

Vertigo spins up and starts the match charging straight into the almost-up-tae-sped-nao-bois undercutters of Magnolia Grande. Well, that's one wedge gone. But it seems to have gotten under the middle of Magnolia Grande and is slowly lifting it up. Magnolia Grande cant turn away in time and is getting shoved towards one of the walls. There's a few light bumps before Magnolia Grande gets away and spins back up. The engine is making some funny sounds, but the blades are still up to their normal speed. Noisy spins back up. The next hit causes Grande to go flying and in the overcutter position. Noisy tries to spin the blade up to owie speeds, but it's not spinning like it used to. It's also at an awkward angle. The next hit takes the other piece of armor off. Add the blade to this list afterwards. Eventually Magnolia Grande gets to the polycarbonate pieces with no wedge left. You can remove the kilt of a scottish machine and it'll still have some fight in it. It continues to charge at the blades until something gives inside after multiple hits. Vertigo put up a good fight, but flower power won this round.

Magnolia Grande wins 3rd place in 2:58

Grand Final: Tongue Of The Fatman vs. Coronal Mass Ejection

This is it, folks. The Big One. The last fight of ROBOTS 2. Like all the best fighting robot competitions, it comes down to a bout between two flippers, and if you don't have that many flippers in your televised robot combat show then does it really count as one? Does it really? Not in my view. Especially if the only notable flipper in your competition has the wheelbase of a double-decker bus and about the same ability to self-right, and also has big stupid flappy metal pwangy things on the outside.

Neither Tongue of the Fatman nor Coronal Mass Ejection have flappy metal pwangy things. This is because they do not suck, and also because they both have had to fight other flippers a bunch. Indeed, they fought each other as their first fight in this competition! I wonder what they've learned since. The lights are dimmed, the box is locked, the lights are on, it's... time to count them down! Three! Two! One! ACTIVATE!

The klaxons sound and CME is out of the blocks like a bull at a gate, but the Fatman is content to play defensively. We shall see how this goes for both parties, as CME lines up the charge and attacks. The Fatman counter-angles and brings his wedgelets into play, and there's a sonorous CLONG as the flipping panel of the black Britflipper strikes its mounting points like a gong. Vee grins and pushes forward, trying to end this fight quickly, but he sees HFL try to J-hook off his panel and acts fast. The enormous stroke of the fixed piston hurls CME skywards, and the robot backflips elegantly and crashes to the ground on its front. CME self-rights immediately, somersaulting back onto its wheels like an acrobat, and we're off again.

HFL's trying something a little different now, using his acceleration to counterpunch as the Fatman lumbers towards CME like an avalanche of metallic flab. This time, he gets underneath Vee, and pushes forward to get a good bite before flipping ToTF into the distance. The arc of the Fatman is much lower than the enormous hangtime that CME just described, but it still bounces around and lands on its back. The self-righting is instant, but the sheer power of the Fatman means CME has enough time to get underneath it as it lands and flip again, this time perching the Fatman upside down with its gaping more propped open! Thankfully, Vee is able to close the ram, but HFL is able to get close as it snaps back onto its wheels again-

But CME's mistimed the attack! With a smirk, Vee is able to counter with ease and speed ill-befitting a bot of the Fatman's weight and girth. He angles in and gives another enormous, yawning-mouthed flip, sending CME high into the sky, and HFL can only look on in horror as the Fatman chases CME down and flips him again! This time, the britflipper bounces off the wall extender, but was that the turning point of the fight or merely a stay of execution?

CME lands on its feet and spins to face the Fatman, coming in as it is for another charge. HFL looks... zen, almost. Like he's happy that something with a flipper that could launch tanks into space is bearing down on him like a heat-seeking missile when he's right next to a wall. Come to me, CME seems to say with its posture and its pose. Show me your kung fu.

The Fatman's engines squeal as it tries to angle in again, but too late does Vee realize this was the plan all along. CME counter-angles and flips quickly, the Fatman overbalancing and rolling onto its back. Immediately, reflexively, it self-rights - and the enormous power of the flipper flings it high, high into the air. Vee cannot control the descent of his machine. All he can do is look on in confusion and dawning terror as he begins to realize this central fact. The Fatman's mouth is wide, and will not shut...

And there it is. The Fatman, like a limpet, is slurping on the wall extender of the ROBOT2 arena like a drunk on an attractive woman. It's stuck fast. There's only barely time for a count-out. Game over.

Your winner, in 2:55 via Immobilization Knockout, IS



And with that, this tournament finally concludes! Thanks to The Angry Goat for setting it up in the first place (and letting me take over operations during the finals) and to all our writers, without whom this would literally be impossible. Thank you all very much for taking part, and we'll see you in the next one. =]
"The world's best swordsman doesn't fear the second-best; he fears the worst swordsman, because he can't predict what the idiot will do."

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