Robo*Con Results

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Robo*Con Results

Post by V900 » Mon Feb 19, 2018 9:52 pm


LW Bracket

MW Bracket

(These will be updated as results are posted. As such, don't read them if you want to avoid spoilers in your tournament full of fake robots fighting in fake matches. :v: )


Your week 1 matches are:

Eat Me Too vs. One Drum Man [That Kode Guy]

Wait, we're fighting in an oval? Someone should go and tell Lian to bring back Flame Byxis.

ANYWAY... Brad wants to get away from the wall so he does... he just doesn't do it at high speed because of the horribly angled wheels. One Drum Man just goes for broke. What a brave lad. The problem is that he travels directly over the bumps, and because he spends a prolonged time overtop of them, when he finally reaches the end they pop ODM into the air a bit. This signals Eat Me Too to start spinning... but what ends up happening is that, due to both EMT's weird as hell wheel placement and the fact his center of gravity is well outside of the wheels' turning circle, Brad's bot travels extremely fast in a wide arc around ODM with the :V wedge facing ODM as he spins. Brad looks hilariously resigned, which means he expected this to happen, and merely keeps going. Well then. TBR, on the other hand, really didn't expect this at all, as One Drum Man tries again to catch Eat Me Too off-guard. Well he doesn't quite get him, but Eat Me Too slams into him from the side, missing with the thwack entirely. Does that count as a ram? A moshing? Whatever it was, One Drum Man looks a little shaken up so he tries to chase Eat Me Too down again.

Eat Me Too actually drives correctly this time, reversing out of danger... except he forgot he can't travel nearly as fast that way, and has to start travelling in an arc again before One Drum Man can catch him. Slam. One Drum Man gets hit again before he can turn. Eat Me Too misses with the thwack tail again. Hum, ho. Wait. One Drum Man managed to catch Eat Me Too with the drum before he could reverse away this time. Ouch. A large piece of Eat Me Too's... erm, which wedge was it again? :V Regardless, Eat Me Too actually manages to get away again... of course before One Drum Man starts catching up. Spin the bottle... SMACK. One Drum Man still can't get him while he's travelling in an arc. Instead of reversing, Eat Me Too arcs the other way, and finally, finally manages to catch the blighter with the th - ...well shit. The thwack head actually pierced the side of the drum and bent it at a really awkward angle. The problem is that he's stuck, and with an awkward wheel placement he's not going anywhere too fast... oh wait, yes he is. 15 speed while arcing apparently can pull robots along with you. Except when One Drum Man lifts the arm that the drum is attached to. Eat Me Too's tail is lifted. Yay? Eat Me Too pulls away and dislodges the tail before One Drum Man can do anything of substance with it.

And then the match ends.

Aggression: 9-6 One Drum Man
Damage: 10-5 Eat Me Too
Strategy: 8-7 Eat Me Too

Eat Me Too wins by a 24-21 judges' decision.

The Black Robot of Inle vs. Renka [Monsterworks]
Well, two robots with virtually the same stats, but totally different approaches: a 4WD dual hammer in the form of Renka vs. Black Dog style widebodied drum spinner in The Black Robot of Inle. Both are gambling on their strategies, but only one
Last edited by V900 on Tue Feb 27, 2018 2:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Robo*Con Results

Post by V900 » Fri Mar 16, 2018 3:50 pm

Here's da matches

<big><big><big>LW WB R2</big></big></big>

Venice Queen vs Eat Me Too
no way am I putting this shit up at the top of the post, lol. Scroll down and you'll see what I mean.

The Black Robot of Inle vs Kraktoa
box lock lites on robit fite time lesgo

Not unlike a fair amount of other matches, this one starts with both bots just ramming at each other like they're in some sort of rush to end the match ASAP or whatever. The fun part is when each bot comes within inches of each other. See, HFL plans on being a real SNEAKY BOY and juking to the side right before colliding with his opponent. Little did he know that Madman was planning the exact same thing, coming to a stop as Inle purposely veers 45 degrees to the side all like "sike gotcha- oh wait nevermind you got me instead".
This angle proves to be a rather compromising position, giving Krakatoa the perfect opportunity to slide right under and get a clamp in on Inle from the side. The top jaw avoids the drum entirely, despite it's rather large range. Up into the air Inle goes for a straight 30 seconds. Inle gets its ass blasted with flames harder than a rotisserie chicken in the middle of a forest fire. Completely within Krakatoa's grasp, but a quick OOTA isn't in the cards here from a 3-power clamp. The sustained heat racks up more judge's points than you can even imagine, but the flamethrower itself doesn't seem to be doing much damage as of yet. Krakatoa plops Inle down on the flipper and lets er rip. Inle goes flying as expected. Thankfully for it, however, HFL made sure to rev down the drum to avoid gyroing straight into the pit. On the other hand, Krakatoa veers straight back into the fray, swerving to the side as Inle swerves to the other side upon contact.
You know Yeti? That bot that a certain lizardfucker said drove like the guy was mashing all the buttons on a fightstick while playing Street Fighter? That's more-or-less the kind of strategy Krakatoa's going for here. Full-on rushdown "ufbgiruiugvni ur ded kiddo eat a dick" kinda stuff. I guess he does standard "advanced techniques" like pressing a button to lower his wedge by a mystery amount and driving from (...wait for it...) a SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT ANGLE, but that's about it. Other than those things he's just yolo'ing it up out there, for better or worse. Inle is doing an alright job of holding it's own out there, boinking off of Krakatoa's lower jaw by mixing up it's driving strategy. One of Krakatoa's prongs is even bent to the side and incapable of getting under&#33; Inle is putting some good warping on the opponent. That is, until it hits the wall. Not as in "it gets exhausted and craps out". It hits the actual side wall of the arena and gets trapped between that and Krakatoa, who's more than happy to lift it up with it's functional (albeit increasingly dented) prongs.
Out for another stroll both robots go. Fire noises go here, I'm not typing out whatever word vomit that translates to in text. There's basically nothing Inle can do other than spin it's wheels helplessly as Krakatoa places it back onto the flipper for another attempt at sending a robot to space. Things end up looking more like the Challenger as Inle thuds to the ground, a very faint grey haze emanating from the the victim. Oddly enough, the drum seems to have slowed significantly from that episode. Could this be from getting lit on fire for a whole minute straight? Who knows?&#33; In either case, both robots keep bashing each other up until the last second. Inle's damage mostly lays under the armor in it's lightly-toasted electronics, and Krakatoa's clamp is definitely going to need some serious ironing out afterwards. Additionally, one of the flamethrowers has either run out of gas or gotten knocked off of Krakatoa's grid- along with it Madman's hopes of scoring a clean knockout. It'll almost certainly go to the judges. I'd be tempted to write some last-second "oh but then (bot) pulls a surprise maneuver on (opponent) to knock them out" kind of ending to the fight, but both the competitors have gimped enough weaponry for that not to be a possibility.

Judge's decision
Aggression: 10-5 Krakatoa
Damage: 8-7 Black Robot of Inle
Strategy: 8-7 Krakatoa

Krakatoa wins by a 25-20 judge's decision

Shade Fist vs Uptown Funk
So this starts with Shade Fist and Uptown Funk running directly at each other. UF tries to angle into SF's wedge, but there isn't exactly a whole lot to angle in on that isn't covered in drum. As such, Hii experiences what can only be descripted as "10k upvotes on /r/instantregret" and the right side of Uptown Funk's flipper gets slapped and scraped by Shade Fist's awfully middle-of-the-road drum. Nonetheless, UF will have to be more careful than that if it wants to win this fight.
Both bots are forced to wait it out for the other guy to make a mistake. SF is waiting for the opponent to ram face-first into the drum again, while UF is waiting for SF to gyro. SF decides to make the first move after a whopping 6 whole seconds and just drives toward UF. Now That's What I Call Quality Results. "The robot drives toward the other bot." Someone give me a Pulitzer prize.
It seems to work well enough, as SF's wedgelets slide right under the wide front and start doing some fairly noticable damage to UF's wedge, most notably the edge. Because oh man, the edge is starting to get all sorts of bent up. A few moments later, UF manages to get under the drum when SF makes the mistake of turning too quickly and gyroing for it. UF shoves SF around the arena, sending it for a ride on one of the arena's flippers. Shade Fist faceplants against the arena floor. Rattled, but mostly alright.
I do mean "rattled" in the literal sense, by the way. As in, one of it's drive motors got damaged ever-so-slightly by the impact. Not compromised, but it'll definitely need to have a quick look over in the pits after the match is over. That's a bridge to burn when Badnik gets to it, because UF is busy trying to get SF into the pit. The third and final(?) attempt almost nets some results, but SF just lands on the top of the wall and falls back into the arena. Falls back in... with one wheel on the ground. While it'd only take a second for SF to get itself back in action, UF rushes back in and takes another flip. Up and over the wall SF goes, just barely.

Uptown Funk wins by TKO in 1:44

Ververg vs Megaflare
Wooooo treadz fite. Pressing lifter(s) vs hinged wedge tells me this should be an easy win for w0lf, but let's see how things play out with each of their strategies.

Alright both bots get out of the gate, Megaflare's sitting by the flipper while w0lf forgets that this is robot combat and not NASCAR, since Ververg is just running laps around the arena to try and bait Megaflare away. Megaflare drives away from home base to try and bring down the crusher onto it's target, but Ververg is too busy running away (backwards, may I add). No way will that reflect well for it's aggression score.
Ververg makes another pass by Megaflare and then drives directly onto the flipper. On purpose. What the fuck is even going on? It gets popped straight into the air and lands back down.
Megaflare is there to intercept, taking it by the side. Not a good position for Ververg to be in&#33; The claw comes down and grabs the rear of Ververg's left tread. The drive mechanisms crumple like a tin can, and the tread itself is shot. The crusher raises up, and something's cooking&#33; It's one of Ververg's drive motors burning out&#33; That can't be good. The bot's been reduced to a smoking heap, but it's still running. Mostly. It can still use one half of it's drive, despite the ongoing flames underneath the hood. It just kinda limps along for the next minute of the match, before Megaflare finally manages to get another pinch in to finish the job.

Megaflare wins by KO in 1:47.

Venice Queen vs Eat Me Too (for real this time)
It takes a second for Eat Me Too to actually get out of it's starting square, but it manages to do so. Venice Queen's already zipping halfway across the arena when EMT starts to spin up. The hammer goes around once, twice, two-and-a-half-times, and then reaches full speed within a few milliseconds of VQ materializing within a close proximity of the spinning void.
Eat Me Too spins, Venice Queen waits.



Everyone's expecting Brad to just stop in place and move literally anywhere else within the arena, but it's not happening. Trust me, I checked Brad's strategy and it's basically just "spin in place the entire match, lol".
Gabe didn't really include a failsafe for what happens if this sort of thing happens beyond "do this until it stops working". And this waiting IS working in that Venice Queen's 10 frontal armor isn't getting instagibbed by EMT's 15-speed thwack. So... I guess this literally goes on for the whole match. Good job guys.

Aggression: 15-no Eat Me Too
Damage: 7.5-7.5 Venice Queen
Strategy: 7.5-7.5 Eat Me Too

Eat Me Too wins by a 30-15 judges' decision.

<big><big><big>MW WB R2</big></big></big>

Ritual II vs Eye of Fury
The match starts, and Eye of Fury is driving... backwards?? at it's opponent. Bold move Cotton, let's see how it plays out.
The move plays out, and it doesn't really work all too well. The wheels drive up the wedge all fine and dandy, but then they caught caught on the weird claw-looking things on top of Ritual, thus preventing it from monstertrucking. Muscle memory kicks in and EoF activates it's weapon, which clacks against the ground a few times before the bot gets spun off of Ritual's wedge.
In an ironic twist of fate, Brad is now the one who's getting screwed over by his lack of a failsafe. You can pretty much imagine how the rest of the match plays out. EoF hits the wedge with his weapon, does a little bit of damage, tries backing up again, fails in doing so, hits the wedge, etc so on and so forth.
A few more intervals of this repeat itself before Ritual just flips Eye of Fury over and pushes it toward the floor flipper. Eye of Fury gets chucked like a sack of potatoes and bounces off of it's large wheels. Ritual isn't successful in either KOing nor pitting EoF, but it sure does a good job of pushing it around the entire match. The only real damage Ritual ends up sustaining by the end of the 3 minutes is that the front looks like someone riddled it with a BB gun.

Ritual II wins by JD, (arbitrary number)-(other arbitrary number). Let's go with 28-17 for this one.

Chernabog vs Eye of Newt
Well, this match won't last very long. If Chernabog bites the tire off of Eye of Newt, it's done. Likewise, if EoN hits Chern head on, it's also done.

So Chern rushes out, er, stomps out of the starting square and takes a the right-hand path of the arena. EoN does the same, heading to it's respective right. Unfortunately for the audience, this just results in the two bots going in totally opposite directions of each other. Wow.
But wait, it seems EoN did this on purpose&#33; What a ruse. Chernabog backs up and goes the other way, but EoN has already gotten itself up to speed and is ready to LET ER RIP all over Chernabog's front wedge. Both bots collide and immediately ricochet off of each other thanks to EoN's fuck-you-up drum. It's phat wheels bounce the bot against the pit walls, gently rolling over to the flipper where it gets chucked up into the air. The next 10 seconds for EoN basically boil down to Madman waiting for his robot to stop spazzing out like a character model in one of those cruddy early access games on steam.
Oh yeah and Chernabog's wedge is all kinds of fucked up now, because good *luck* trying to get a razer-thin (geddit?) blade to bite the top of a cylinder. :v: At least there's a cool-looking series of slashes all in a row now. Chernabog tries again, but gets sliced up like prepackaged turkey slices when EoN decides to turn so much as 5 whole degrees. Smh tbh fam.

EoN wins by KO in something like 1:04 I think.

Mach Tornado vs Neophyte Redglare
Badnik basically heckles Sylandro like this:

Mach Tornado wins by "FORFEIT MY NIGGA" in 8:00.

Diablo Genesis vs Remi IV
Unlike his LW fight, w0lf decides not to "be a dumbass" here and charges straight for Remi, who's acting like a sitting duck in the corner. W0lf's expecting Remi to just run off for some kind of Yakity Sax chase scene or something, but he'll take this too. Instead, Diablo Genesis just rams in, and Remi's drum scratches up DG's wedge a bit as it bounces off and gets flipped over, leaning against the wall. The whole "sit there and be menacing" strategy sure makes your robot look tough, but falls apart if you can't actually defeat the opponent in a couple of hits. Such is the case with Remi, unless it can sneak a hit past the plow.
For the time being, though, that doesn't seem to be happening. DG pins Remi against the wall for the standard half-minute before needing to let go. Remi's inverted, and seems intent on standing her ground in the corner. DG, likewise, is more than happy to come back in for another flip. "Woosh." goes the flipper, unexcitedly. Remi gets another hit on the plow, but the damage still isn't amounting to much more than nicks and dents. DG proceeds to bully Remi around for about another 45 seconds down the side of the arena. They pass by the pit, but judging by how little height DG is launching Remi at, both opponents know that clearly won't be a factor.
Remi begins to mildly tear up one side of DG's plow with only 50 seconds left on the clock, and Hii's not feeling too good about his chances with the judges if this goes on for much longer. Remi finally begins to go on the aggressive in an 11th hour attempt to get a cheap blow. And it works&#33; Kind of. Remi rides up the wedge and shears off the top of DG's plow, before DG flips Remi over with the weaker part of it's flipper in a frenzied panic. The recipient of said flip lands a follow-up near-miss on the flipper's frame. It's a glancing blow, but enough to seriously dent them up like cardboard tubes. Nonetheless, Remi lands on her back just like the large majority of the match. W0lf sees his heavily-armored plow getting cut up and decides to do what any reasonable driver would do- attack with a weaker part of his bot, of course&#33; He opts to try and "clamp" the opponent with his flipper. This leads directly into his chassis nearly getting steamrolled by Remi's drum in the last 10 seconds of the fight. You dumbass. All you had to do was follow the damn train CJ. The innermost bar on his flipper prevents the bot from completely and utterly mangled, but it's still a pretty close call with some very noticeable holes on DG's chassis. Don't take my word for it, though. Let's go to the judges.

Aggression: 11-4 Diablo Genesis
Damage: 13-2 Remi IV
Strategy: 10-5 Diablo Genesis

Diablo Genesis wins by a 23-22 decision.
(and for the record, I wrote this particular result before I lost to Remi IV in R4. :v: )

<big><big><big>LW LB R1</big></big></big>
Polkadot Spider vs Renka
Alright, hammerbot versus hammerbot. Let's GET IT.

Both bots do the thing. I'm not sure what "wolverine wedges" are- but if these lil shits on Polkadot Spider are supposed to be them, then they sure are thin and spindly. The competitors jockey for position. One bot zipping a few feet to try and trip up the other, the opponent reacts with a counter-strategy. They veer menacingly around each other. Oh boy, it sure is looking close right about now&#33;&#33;

...OK, we both know how this ends. Renka's heavy-ass wedge [joke about Renka being from a ecchi game series goes here] slides under Polkadot Spider's tiny forks and delivers the ol ratatat with her dual hammers. PS does tries to do the same with it's own hammer, but it can't reach Renka's chassis nor does it have the weapon power to win a DPS fight. Renka hits PS baby one more time and then Neon taps out. Spider goes "splat".

Renka wins by KO in 0:69.

"ow oof owie my exoskeleton" - polkadot spider probably

<big><big><big>MW LB R1</big></big></big>
Skeletor vs Nightmare of Chimera
Fun fact: Skeletor can acually do a slight amount of chassis damage to Nightmare of Chimera&#33;

Not that it matters though, since Skeletor gets angled in on pretty much immediately, lol. The tiny center wedgelets that are seeming to mysteriously suffer the same problem that Dysprosinator is having in R4 end up getting sidestepped by the Breaker Box clone. The wheels get lifted off the ground as a result of Skeletor having basically zilch for ground clearence, putting it at a serious disadvantage when getting bullied around by NoC's Mystery Weapon(tm). The rest of the match is pretty much just Skeletor getting mindlessly pushed around, occasionally ending up on the arena's piston-rams. Skeletor gets exactly one flip in the entire match. That's all. Just one. NoC's underside has the most subtle dent ever that you would never even notice unless it was pointed out. Skeletor randomly catches on fire right before the 3:00 is up idk

Aggression: 13-2 Nightmare of Chimera
Damage: 8-7 Skeletor
Strategy: 9-7 Nightmare of Chimera

Nightmare of Chimera wins by a 29-16 judges' decision.

Mimete vs Kid A
here's a video i found off a google search for "mimete":

mimete does that, mole starts foaming at the mouth and dies instantly from porygon syndrome, lol gg loser git gud

dabbin on em

Meme-ete wins by KO in 4ubf3u9gfbr3uipgr3

Giving people a 2-day period to RP seems kinda suspect, so I'm going to extend the deadline for people to RP for Loser's bracket round 2 to March 25th at 4PM EST. That, and because I don't want to write 10-12 results across multiple tournies again next week. :dirk:

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Robo*Con Results

Post by V900 » Mon Apr 09, 2018 12:41 am

Whoops, I died again.

<big><big><big>LW LB R2</big></big></big>

Ververg vs One Drum Man
It's time for another episode of "Good Idea Bad Idea".
Good idea: Knowing when and when not to angle in on your opponents.
Bad idea: Just throwing "angle in" into your RP like some kind of buzzword. :v:

The short of it is that we have a brick up against a spinner that:
1. Doesn't have the damage output to blast Ververg's wedges off.
2. Doesn't have any real way of getting under the brick due to it's (persumably) hinged wedges being inferior to Veverg's lifter-wedge.

You can imagine how this plays out.
Buuuut I obviously can't just leave it at that, nor do I have any cringy shitfics to put here. So let's get on with the match, I guess.
Right, so both bots come out and angle in on each other. By "angle in" I mean dance around like this is some kind of middle school prom. Not a regular prom, mind you. This is the mandatory one that forces all of the hyper-spergs to come out of the woodwork and awkwardly stare at their feet the entire time while Cotton Eye Joe plays on the so-called ""DJ's"" Windows XP laptop. Yeah, this is one of *those* kinds of matches. After it's all said and done though, Ververg slides under real easily. One Drum Man trys to, uh, "angle in attack the side of the opponent and angle in for an atatck and damage the sides if possible" (whatever that means), but that doesn't work because <del>I only accept RPs in English</del> ODM is both slower and has a worse wedge, as aforementioned.
W0lf thought it'd be a good idea not to use the arena hazards at all, so instead ODM just gets flopped over like a pancake for 3 minutes straight. Ververg's plow gets some cosmetic scratches but noone cares mate tbh

Aggression: 9-6 Ververg
Damage: 8-7 One Drum Man
Strategy: 11-5 Ververg
funny hat: 15-0 Nightmare of Chimera

Ververg wins by a 27-18-15 judge's decision.

Shade Fist vs Renka
Shade Fist punches Renka in the tiddy ow oof owie

SF wins by FF

Black Robot of Inle vs Pingu
BRI gets a bye.

Venice Queen vs Broken Machine
Broken Machine &#127345;roke

VQ wins by FF

<big><big><big>MW LB R2</big></big></big>

Remi IV vs Nitori
Remi IV gets a bye.

Neophyte Redglare vs Nightmare of Chimera
wow flipper vs lifter matches are really fun, big mood

This one in particular sees Nightmare of Chimera flip itself over from the getgo, seeing as it's pressing the wedge down constantly. A few backflips aside, it's generally able to outmaneuver Neophyte Redglare for pretty much the entire match. NR gets flipped by the arena flipper-pistons a handful of times but doesn't really sustain a whole ton on damage from it. There's this one part where NoC accidentally trips on the speedbump like this is Super Smash Bros Brawl or something and NR shoves it around for 15-20 seconds, but that's about it. The rest of the match is probably about 70% NoC, 30% NR.

Nightmare of Chimera wins by, I dunno, 26-19? judge's decision.

Chernabog vs Shovel Warrior
Yall better stop PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSING me off with these dummy-ass entry posts s2g. Yeah, that's right. I'm appropriating ACAMS' catchphrase. What are you gonna do about it?

Okay in all seriousness though so I don't really know how *exactly* either of these robots work. Namely the wedges. Shovel Warrior's weapon is a lifter but also apparently hinged? Chernabog also moves around like that dog from Homsar Runner? TBR's description is too vague while HFL wrote his usual fucking master's thesis on a .jpg of a make-pretend robot. Incredible. [/PJsalt]

I guess I'll go with Shovel Warrior's wedge being the standard lifter fare and Chernabog's being a 2 "wheel" drive static wedge, meaning they're pretty much on par with one another. That said, Chernabog's microscopic wedgelet teeth do a real good job at cheesing out Shovel Warrior's wedge... had they met head-on. See, TBR is trying to justify going for a total 180 degree flank on Chernabog. I shit thee not- 7 vs 5 speed. 180 degree flank. That is, allll the way behind Chernabog. Can you believe it? I don't, lol. So that pretty much falls flat on it's face and lends Chernabog with some easy grabs. The first one actually ends up landing on Shovel Warrior's front corner, causing a visible gap to be made. Hardly any real damage, but a good start. The second grab lands near the top of SW's 13-armored front plow and does about as much nothingness as you can expect. TBR then realizes "Hey, this strategy's bad and doesn't work&#33;" and begins to angle-in on Chernabog instead, to much greater success. Who woulda thought, huh? The last half of the match features some back and forth between the two bots, with Shovel Warrior generally being the aggressor of the two. Chernabog lands another grab or two but is never really able to do serious damage beyond poking a hole in a front wheel. Far better than no damage at all, I suppose. Shovel Warrior gets flipped over by the arena hazard and has to self-right- the buzzer sounds before he's able to do so.

Aggression: 8-7 Shovel Warrior
Damage: 11-4 Chernabog
Strategy: 8-7 Chernabog

Chernabog wins by a 26-19 judge's decision.

Eye of Fury vs Mimete
Memete gets meme'd hardcore

EoF wins by FF
Last edited by V900 on Thu Apr 19, 2018 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Robo*Con Results

Post by V900 » Fri Apr 20, 2018 1:41 am

Results time&#33; The less obvious outcomes are here now, other 2 will be here soon.

<big><big><big>LW WB R3</big></big></big>

Eat Me Too vs Krakatoa
lol welp Krakatoa pretty much instawins because EMT has 15 weapon and the fuck-you brick has 13 armo- hold on, what? This guy's using the clamp setup? Okay, if you say so.

We begin with Eat Me Too doing some spinning. A lot of it, in fact&#33; Boy, it sure can spin. Meanwhile, Madman's back there at the controls acting all anxious that this non-melty thwack is gonna pull a so-called "ambush" or something. If one looks closely, they can see a bottle of Super Male Vitality[tm] jittering and shaking about with the rest of his body. Paramedics are on standby in case he has a bout anxiety-induced heart failure. He's real concerned about EMT employing the usual melty strats, even though it kinda... uh... can't. Like, at all. Nonetheless, Krakatoa does his best to try and blitz EMT despite some hesitation when making the last turn. Both bots collide and get skittered away. Krakatoa gets bitchslammed into the wall while EMT skrrt skrrts right up and into the air, thanks to the floor flipper. See that leftmost fork of Krakatoa's? Yeah that thing's bent AF. The second hit goes about as well as the first. Ferret's incredibly complex strategy of "literally just spin" continues to work it's magic. Madman stated in his strategy that he didn't want to take a ton of hits here. He, in fact, takes a ton of hits here. Krakatoa's face is all kinds of fucked up by the time EMT lands the deathblow, resulting in it farting out a puff of flame+smoke, and one tread getting smashed like bits of lego. Aaand we're pretty much done here. Looks like Madman's the one who "ate a dick" here, as he'd say.

Eat Me Too wins by KO in 1:10.

Uptown Funk vs Megaflare
Megaflare does a lot of things in this fight, but getting under Uptown Funk is definitely not one of them. Right as the match begins, MeF tries this janky "bait the other guy into driving onto the flipper" strategy by just sort of sitting there. In response, UF basically says "no" and also sits in place for a good 15-odd seconds. That pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the match. You know those cartoons where Wily E Coyote or whatever his name was tries to catch the roadrunner in increasingly silly ways? This is pretty much just that in robot form. Trihunter even resorts to throwing pocket in Hii's face at one point during the match, but that's not kosher with the refs and Hii is granted a 15 yard penalty or something. MeF tries to angle in, fails, UF gets under for pretty much the entire match and scores a touchdown. I was gonna shorten Megaflare's name to MF, but didn't for obvious reasons.

Uptown Funk wins by OOTA/TKO/BBQ in 1:31.

<big><big><big>MW WB R3</big></big></big>

Ritual II vs Eye of Newt
It's one of those fights again. Bajillion weapon spinner has to find a way to bypass the bajillion armor plow and into the squishy, nougaty center. Let's see if Eye of Newt can pull off the hat trick here.

EoN drives out of it's square and turns sideways. That's a hot take if I've ever seen one, and I say this as the guy who's been forced to start his R4 MW sideways for the past like, 4 or 5 weeks now. Ritual goes to the... uh... lemme just flip a coin here aaand it goes to the left lane&#33; Then this fuckin' soda can-lookin ass Barber-Ous 2'n a Bit clone drives forbackward accordingly.


It sure it driving slowly. I don't remember it being this slow. Anyone else seeing this? Ritual's just zipping right down that lane while EoN is just sitting there. Should we start the countdown timer? Because I don't think it's gonna mo- WOAH NELLY&#33;&#33; THIS BOYO LAD ZIPS OUT OF HIS HIDING SPOT RIGHT AS RITUAL IS ON HIS TAIL&#33; AT THE BLAZING FAST SPEED OF... three. Yeah sorry Laz but your charge just ends up smacking Ritual's plow, only at a steep angle. Whump whump whuuump.
That said, 3 damage is still some damage. A few dents and scratches start to form on the wedge right away. EoN flees outta there and goes over the speedbump, a maneuver Ritual can't perform. EoN's driving to the other end of the arena planning to do the same thing again. They both graze the speed bump. Ritual passes it and SIKE NIGGA&#33; EoN does a Dukes of Hazzard back over the bump and actually manages to take Ritual by the side this time, who gets royally screwed over. See those gashes in it's side? Of course you don't, since this is just a bunch of imageless text. But trust me, it's pretty drastic. I'm talking inches-deep holes being made. Ritual ain't driving right after that. I'm shocked, you're shocked, some guy in the audience just spilled his ice cream. Ritual goes on the defense after that, and EoF just wails on that 13 armor plow for the rest of the match like it's a mafioso pissed off at a client who wouldn't pay. Guy took a tommy gun to the plow and went ratatatat, because that thing's riddled with nearly a hundred tiny holes. The buzzer sounds and you already know wtf goin on.

Aggression: 8-7 Eye of Newt
Damage: 14-1 Eye of n00t
Strategy: 9-6 Eye of Jewt

Eye of Newt wins by a 31-14 judges' decision.

Mach Tornado vs Diablo Genesis
Both robots drive at each other wow what a shocker that is. One bot does it slightly faster than the other so it gets across the arena in a shorter amount of time. Mach Tornado then gets boinked across the arena due to hitting Diablowie Genesis' wedge bit. Said wedge bit takes some damage but is looking at least okay-ish after the first 15 whole seconds of the match. MT eventually stops dicking around and flops back onto it's wheels... kinda. It's still gyrating around a few degrees, but some more time fixes that up real quick. DG then proceeds to ram into MT again. Uh oh, you friccin moron, you're turning your wedge into goddamn red swiss cheese. Guess it doesn't matter to w0lf so long as Badnik's bot goes flying (which it does). Hey you know the move in Smash that MT's namesake is inspired by? Yeah, it kinda looks like that except... not nearly as coherent. This process of Diablo not really being able to actually flip over Mach Tornado repeats itself a few times before the plow just straight gets ripped off. Mach Tornado gets a hit on DG's main chassis, w0lf says "nani" aaand it's over. Sparks fly, robots die, everyone's happy. Except for the aforementioned driver of Diablo Genesis who has to stitch his mess of a robot back together. He's a little annoyed.

Mach Tornado wins by KO in 1:46.

Here is the fightcard for next week, matches are due Sunday April 29th at 4 PM:

Ververg vs Shade Fist
Black Robot of Inle vs Venice Queen

Remi IV vs Nightmare of Chimera
Chernabog vs Eye of Fury

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Robo*Con Results

Post by V900 » Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:12 am

Surprise&#33; Robo-con's back from it's completely unannounced and unwarranted multiple-week hiatus. Taking responsibility for my lack of updates is for losers, so I'm just going to blame it on, uhhhh, let's throw a dart at this here dartboard aaand yep. It is definitely Kody's fault. Getting sick with whatever superAIDS got R4 postponed also ended up postponing RC. For sure.

<big><big><big>LW LB R3</big></big></big>

Ververg vs Shade Fist
<blockquote class='quote_blockquote'><dl><dt>rp thread</dt><dd>&nbsp;</dd></dl><div>Apr 29 2018, 06:12 PM[/quote]
Badnik shows up to the fight 2 hours late. With no driver, Ververg is easily able to finagle Shade Fist into the pit, where it stays for the next 1 hour and 57 minutes. It can't be helped.

Ververg wins by FF.

(Yes, I understand the irony in being a stickler over a few-hours-late RP, but I had marked it off as a FF pretty much on the dot of Apr 29th. Pls don't sue :v: )

Black Robot of Inle vs Venice Queen
So imagine NoC vs Rem4 (see below), but even more lopsided. Seriously, this is the SAME EXACT fight in terms of bots. Slow-ish drum vs a brick that can pretty easily pull off some s00per sik anglez. Except for this one time where he screws up pulling the s00per sik anglez and gets one side of his front wedge totally assblasted into next week. Other than that, this is pretty much Venice Queen's fight for the taking. And then Gabe totally drives backwards into Inles drum on purpose because lol concise strategies :v: :v: :v:

"see if I can OOTA him" - gabe
no you can't foh b

Eggression: 10-5 Venice Queen
Damagegg: 11-4 Inle
Strateggy: 10-5 Venice Queen

Venice Peasant wins by 24-21 judge's decision.

<big><big><big>MW LB R3</big></big></big>

Remi IV vs Nightmare of Chimera
Time for a fun and completely reference-free robot fiZA WARUDO
[The spectral image of a grey-haired maid emerges from behind Remi IV]
[Within an instant, Nightmare of Chimera is riddled with knives, random mechanical bits that seem to be taken from a steamroller, etc etc]
Remi IV wins in 0:09, flawless victory&#33;
Okay, maybe not.

Remi decides to start upside down while NoC starts not-upside-down. Trihunter pulls out the oh-so-original "angle in lol" card and places it in attack mode. A swerve to the left and then a sharp redirection to the right proves to work against the 40% slower drum, allowing NoC to nope the drum entirely and shove that fuckin' ugly red to the curb. 1 weapon isn't gonna OOTA anything, so the rest of the match is mostly "NoC shoves Remi into walls and stuff". Remi does get a few hits in later on, AND they cause a lot of sparks to fly, but no major damage is done beyond the plow getting some VERY noticeable dents. The rest of the bot still functions fine by the 0 second mark, albeit a bit shook.

Aggression: 10-5 Nightmare of Chimera
Damage: 11-4 Remi IV
Strategy: 10-5 Nightmare of Chimera

Nightmare of Chimera wins by a 24-21 judges' decision.

Chernabog vs Eye of Fury
This oughta be good.

Both robots do their thing, Eye of Fury spins up and Cernabog, uh, hydraulics its weapon up? I guess? Either way, Chernabog's getting itself into some very specific positioning. EoF is also in some positioning, right next-ish to the hazards&#33; Gee, I wonder what happens now. Chern drives forward, EoF's blade smacks against Chern's wedge... he shoots... he scores&#33; Brad's bot flops onto the flipper and gets shot up into the air, not without some hefty tearmarks on Chern's plow, though. This deathspinner does the usual deathspinner things that they do in this sort of situation. You know that one video of the snake on LSD? Yeah, that. Chernabog charges in while EoF's vulnerable. Hike hike hike&#33; More sports jokes&#33; The beak comes down and EoF literally makes the same crunching noise a potato chip does. I am not making this up. Well, making stuff up is kinda the whole point of ARC, but you get what I mean. :v:

Chernabog wins by KO in 1:02.

Next round&#33; RPs for these matches are due by June 24th at 4:00 pm EST.



Have fun&#33; The rest of the tourney won't have 2 month long intervals between rounds, promise :headache:

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Robo*Con Results

Post by V900 » Wed Jun 27, 2018 10:32 pm

<big><big><big>LW LB R4</big></big></big>

Krakatoa vs Ververg
WHALE IMAJUN MAI SHOCK when w0lf starts the match right out of the gate by angling in. Who would've thought that?&#33; Ververg goes for that sick angle, and it... doesn't work. At all. Even though those forks are HELLA thin, they're also HELLA close together. Sure, he could go for the outer pair of forks, but:

1. Madman is fully aware that he's gonna do this.
2. That'd require a drivetrain advantage that Ververg just doesn't have.

With a broader wedge and no way to bypass Krakatoa's Spikes of Doom[tm], you can probably tell where this is going. Ververg's basically getting FUCKED the entire match. I'm pretty sure this is gonna go to a state judge instead of the usual judge panel. Ververg's only ace in the hole is his ability to escape Krakatoa's clasp, but this only barely happens sometimes, being entirely dependant on whether or not Ververg's lifter is directly positioned under Krakatoa's clamp. Needless to say, Krakatoa gets a good few opportunities to really put Ververg on blast. The flames don't eat Ververg from the inside out until it's completely unusable, but the constant barrages it receives end up sneaking beneath the tread and near-melts one of the motors by the end of the match. Let's go to the judges&#33;

After 12 straight hours of interrigation and courtroom roundabouts, Madman was found guilty of robotically-enabled assault. Krakatoa advances, but Madman will be put under house arrest for the remainder of the tourney.

Also, Madman is an extremely homosexual individual for submitting an RP that clocks in at 399 words exactly. I hope you stub your toe in an uncomfortable fashion.

Megaflare vs Venice Queen
Both bots sit in their squares. Trihunter's ready to fight some robots, but where's Gabe? Where could he POSSIBLY be? Oh, I've received word that Gabe has accidentally travelled to the wrong arena for this match&#33; That's right folks, Gabe is currently all set and raring to go in Final Destination. Mind you, this arena is all the way in SPACE, so this might take a while. Please wait warmly.


Okay, we've got that sorted out now. Gabe's a bit shaken from the round-trip's G-forces, but is otherwise fine. Fight robots fight&#33;

Also all of that """comedic""" blurb was just filler so I could state that the large majority of the match was just "Venice Queen teleports beside Megaflare, slides under the front-side parts of the wedge, flips it over." They both make a few driving errors, but notice the "both" there. As in, an equal amount of errors. These guys each have their own slip-slidin' moments, but nothing that majorly tips the match in either bot's favor. 3 minutes pass of Tri tri-ing (geddit) to get that killshot in there, but the slow crusher can't get any out-of-the-blue hits in. Let's see what the judges think&#33;

Aggressio- okay lol lets just cut to the chase, Venice Queen wins by [a lot] to [not a lot] judge's decision.

<big><big><big>MW LB R4</big></big></big>

(both results will be posted sooner rather than later)

Ritual II vs Nightmare of Chimera
Week-late results lets get it&#33; Both bots do their usual tango and try to get under the other guy. Nightmare of Chimera decides to go full PAIN TRAIN and ram right into Ritual head-on. Wew lad&#33; What a legend&#33; Unfortunately this ends up landing NoC right onto Ritual's wedge. Two of NoC's wheels remain on the ground while both robots have a shoving match, each equal in their efforts to send the other guy into the wall. But&#33; Ritual brings down the SAW OF DOOM in an attempt to rip NoC right in half&#33; The weeb bot isn't having it, and sticks the lifter up in rebellion.

1 power lifting plow vs 3 power saw arm.

Needless to say, this is not an exchange NoC comes out on top of. The saw finally begins to grind against NoC's vulnerable, un-armor bonus'd chassis. Are we gonna see some CARNAGE folks?&#33; Nope&#33; I tricked you. You've all been deceived. What I conveniently didn't mention until now is that Ritual's saw has 7(+1) power, not even enough to put down most glass cannon deathspinners.

But look at that pizza cutter though&#33; It's trying so hard&#33; White-hot sparks and flames are flying everywhere, but bits and pieces of NoC sure aren't. Gold star for effort, maybe the judges will appreciate it a bit more. These two continue shoving each other around inch by inch like Floyd v Mayweather, with NoC repeatedly ramming in as if THIS TIME will be the time that it gets under head-on. Reality check: it won't. The arena walls are pelted with a whole bunch of sparks time after time, and you can really get a feel for how repetitive things are getting in there just by listening to the audience.

The first attack was great&#33; Lots of cheering and "WOOOOO YEAH"-type screams&#33; The second time got a bit less, but still a respectable amount. The fifth time around was when people stopped really caring. And gosh golly wouldn't you know it, this is also around the time I stopped caring about this dreadfully boring match too&#33; That's right, I literally fell asleep for the last minute of the match. Thankfully through the power of contrived plot devices, I woke up right in time for the judge's decision:

Aggression: 8-7 Nightmare of Chimera
Damage: 9-6 Ritual
Strategy: 10-5 Ritual

Ritual wins by a 26-19 judges' decision.

Diablo Genesis vs Chernabog
The match starts and blah blah blah etc etc etc DG angles in&#33; Now THAT'S what I call an original strategy. The difference between this match and Krakatoa vs Ververg though is that his angling in actually works this time... rather, it works after a couple of attempts. The first time around, Diablo Genesis just ended up ramping on top of Chernabog's wedge in a weird fashion.

If you were to take a look in the driver's booth for a second, you could see W0lf clench up as if he was about to have a goddamn heart attack. Chernabog's crusher was NOT somewhere you wanted to be. But thankfully for him, he didn't land himself in the munch 'n crunch zone for long.

Diablo Genesis then swooces under Chernabog and this match turns into Chomp vs Literally Anybody Ever for the next half-minute or so, with DG just kind of existing where Chernabog is trying to self-right. Chernabog manages it eventually, but not before . Chernabog gets a good crush on DG about 2 minutes 30 seconds in, and whoops there goes the flipper. Thing's all sorts of crumpled up, and the dustpan below has this gaping hole in it like someone gently caressed it with a jackhammer. The drivetrain's still all fine and dandy, but that lifter isn't lifting anything any more.

Aggression: 9-6 Diablo Genesis
Damage: 11-4 Chernabog
Strategy: 8-7 Diablo Genesis

Diablo Genesis wins by a 23-22 judges' decision.

Here are your WB semis&#33; As a reminder, NOW we are using Final Destination as the arena. This will be the arena for the rest of the tournament. Get RPs in by July 3rd at 4:00 PM EST or else your ass is mine, bud. 4:01? You're toast. :v:


Last edited by V900 on Thu Jul 12, 2018 12:08 am, edited 1 time in total.