Teresa vs. a cut of beef sliced perpendicular to the muscle

[That Kode Guy]

Teresa: Well, that last week sure was interesting.

Lian: Titty nun.

Teresa: *groan*

Lian: Well it's true!

Kody: Knock off, Lian. *shoves him aside*

Teresa: Thank you.

Kody: Don't mention it. By the way, congratulations on your 20-0.

Alex MW: How does it feel that your new accomplishment was achieved through luck and not skill? =D

Kody: Doesn't matter, still achieved. By the way, didn't Striker, Japanese School Girl, and Underall have FFs in their streaks?

Dylan P: Yeah but even Striker is a better piece of junk than that cunt.

Chris: ...thanks mofo.

Dylan: Anytime.

Teresa: ...

Kody: I'll kill them later. So now you're fighting... oh fuck.

Teresa: What? WHAT?!

Kody: Well first of all, stop being so jumpy. You're a nun, for Christ's sake -

Teresa: DO NOT TAKE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN.

Kody: ...back in character I see.

Teresa: Did you hear me?

Kody: Yeah yeah whatever, don't take Christ's name in the vein.

Teresa: .............

Kody: Second of all, this robot... ugh.

Teresa: Tell me!!!

Kody: ...calm the fuck down. Its name is what irritates me.

Josh: Yeah well I won't be forgetting Here Comes The Night Train anytime soon.

Kody: Indeed. Well...

Teresa: Well what?

Kody: The Back Of My Knee Smells Like Steak For Some Weird, Strange Intangible Reason

Teresa: ... *edges away* ...alright?

Kody: No that's the robot's name.

Teresa: ...I am confused.

Kody: Well this chap named helloface199 decided to be a prick and give his robot an incredibly long and strenuous name. However, we just shortened it to Steak. Sadly, it will never be as epic as the Haunter of the same name in the Pokemon Vietnamese Crystal run.

Teresa: ?_?

Kody: All right I'll stop with the references... for now. Anyway yeah. The only disadvantages you have are in weapon and torque. You have better speed and wedge. And armour too, I'd say.

Teresa: *gives head a rattle* A-alright... where are we battling?

*Kody snaps his fingers. A few seconds later they're in an arena with floor flippers and conveyors*

Kody: Here.

Teresa: *distressed* ...

Kody: Well we don't call it the Land of Confusion for nothing.

Teresa: ...why are we in the arena?

Kody: Because.

Teresa: No, I meant on the arena floor, where all the action happens.

Alex MW: If you know what's good for you, you'll get out of the way.

Kody: Tch, fine.

*they go up into the stands; Hephaestus and Element of Chaos are then in a match*

Alex V: KICK HIS ASS ROOSTER!!!

*Hephaestus bats EoC's chainsaw straight off*

Alex V: ...

Alex MW: =D

Kody: A suitable arena for spinners. Now anyway - *EoC's front wedge goes flying* - ooh. Steak's weapon power will be cut to 4, since he has multiple weapons. The axe will do hardly anything, and that... flipper...

Teresa: *ignoring the terrible smashes going in the arena* What about it?

Kody: Well his rams are up to their fullest extent, but... they don't look like rams so much as supports. So I don't understand how it'd be flush with the ground.

Teresa: Would it not be wise to assume so?

Kody: ...yeah, you've got a point. But you still have the wedge advantage, not to mention his four-wheel-drive would give that wedge at least some ground clearance. Even so, I'd advise spiking that wedge quite a bit. I quite would. Yes.

Teresa: What for?

Kody: Well if you want to detriment his wedge even further...

Teresa: Mm. I see... he can flip me, right?

Kody: Yes, I guess we'd have to assume that. Go with the narrow lifter.

Teresa: Okay.

*Element of Chaos is getting torn into several pieces amid Rooster899's agonized cries*

Teresa: What is left?

Kody: Well, uh... he does have that torque advantage but I doubt he could get it into play if he can't wedge you.

Lian: Wish someone would.

Kody: Why are you here again?

Lian: I don't like your SHW.

Kody: Yeah I get that a lot. But someone hates your SHW a lot more.

*Josh is standing over Lian, seething*

Lian: ...crap.

*Josh dives at Lian and gets into an 80s-style cartoon fight cloud*

Nick Schuch: He's still having anger management issues.

*Josh pulls Nick S into the fight cloud*

Teresa: *shuddering* How vulgar.

Kody: Yes, the niceties are seeming to be ignored here. Anyway what will you do?

Teresa: Walk away. This is getting too much.

*Rooster899 is screaming abuse at Alex MW as Hephaestus litters the LoC arena with the thousand of fragments of Element of Chaos. Security guards have to come in and take Rooster away*

Alex MW: I feel better now.

Kody: Teresa, you haven't explained what you're going to do in the match yet!

Teresa: Oh very well, very well... I will charge at him and throw him onto hazards, those flippers look delightful. If I have to, I shall use the spike.

Kody: No, you WILL you the spike. It pays to have a better wedge, especially if you're outdone in torque.

Teresa: *sigh* Very WELL. Now let me go please.

Kody: Yeah yeah, scram.

Josh: I feel better now too.

Alex V: What did you do that for?!

Alex MW: Because I felt like it.

Martijn: hi!

Kody: Hi Martij - what're those?

Martijn: Body bags.

Kody: ...of?!

Martijn: The directors of Zetaboards! Someone stole millions of posts, and these good people had heart attacks! I'm here to take them to the morgue.

Josh: Fuck.

A shadowy figure nearby: The directors of Zetaboards, eh?

Kody: Who're you?

*the shadowy figure steps into the light. It's Martijn!*

Kody: What.

Josh: wut

Alex MW: lolwut

Alex V: ???

The Martijn with the body bags: Who're you?!

The Martijn without body bags: A question we'd all like to ask you!

The Martijn with the body bags: Nice try, Rob, but you can't fool me!

The Martijn without body bags: Rob Collins? You would know where he truly is wouldn't you, considering you have both him and Lewis slung over your back!

*collective GASP*

The Martijn with the body bags: I... uh... don't know what you're talking about...

The Martijn without body bags: Face it, this is the real reason Rob and Lewis have never once roleplayed for their matches this season! You killed them!

The Martijn with the body bags: Really? How many tournaments have I won the sportsmanship award now?

The Martijn without body bags: How many indeed... FISHER!!!

*even bigger gasp; the Martijn with the body bags is unmasked*

Nick F: Well well well, you found me out. But there's one thing you're wrong about: Rob wasn't dead until last week. Lewis was the greater threat, I had him put away immediately.

Kody: So why didn't Rob RP at all?!

Nick F: muhuhahahaha... I kept him silenced, shall we say... he was doing my dirty work all in my name since the end of LoRE...

Josh: Oh SHIT.

Nick F: YES. Rob Collins was the true one behind all the missing posts!

Martijn: You bastard!

Nick F: I know, I know, I am brilliant, aren't I? Fact is though...he was beginning to grow stronger... I could no longer tolerate his rising strength, so I disposed of him.

Kody: We'll get you for this!

Nick F: Oh, Mr. Kunz? I think not. After I'm done with Jack Frost, Teresa is next!

*before anyone can react, Reaver comes in on a tartan carpet: Nick F drops the body bags, hops on it and rides away, laughing evilly*

Kody: Hmm... this is bad.

Josh: ...I think I may cry.

Kody: Huh?

Josh: With laughter. Reaver defeating Jack Frost?! Aha. AAAAAHAHAHAHAHA.

Alex MW: Well, uh... this has been fun but I think I'll take my leave. Mad Scotsmen do bore me.

Martijn: I'll have to actually deliver these to the morgue. I'll see you guys later!

Lian: Ow.

Nick S: Josh, you really need to work on your anger management skills.

Josh: Bite me. So now what, Kody? I still laugh at the idea of Reaver trying to defeat Jack Frost, but the guy's gotta be stopped.

Kody: I think it's time to call in...

Lian: ... OH NO. NOT HIM!

Kody: Professor Vengeance.

(to be continued... next week!)