Mobilize, Britbongs! // America! Fuck Yeah! // In Varietate Concordia
Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:14 pm
Mobilize, Britbongs!
Sons and Daughters of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, The Empire needs you!
As our mission to spread civilization around the globe continues, reactionary forces have arrayed themselves against us. This cannot stand. Sometimes you just have to do what's best for people - the English way - whether they agree with it at the moment or not! March out there and show them what we're made of. Tally ho, lads!
God Save the King.
America! Fuck Yeah!
Friends, citizens, Americans...lend me your ears. For twelve score and two years more, our nation has stood: a shining city on a hill, a beacon of freedom and justice in an often dark and unfree world. Tirelessly, we have fought the forces of tyranny, those arrayed staunchly against us whether out of ignorance or malice, and we have persevered.
But, Americans, lovers of liberty, there is still more work to be done. Fight with me now, against the ravages of imperialism, ignorance, and savagery and, by God, we will triumph!
In Varietate Concordia
Citizens of the world and lovers of liberty: Redoubtable Frenchmen, enterprising Dutch, adventurous Argentinians, and proud Indonesians, a great, oily shadow spreads across the Earth, one drunk on its own corrupt ideology: blind to reason, deaf to sense, and bent upon world domination...
I ask you to join me now and stand against the ever-encroaching might of the British and American Empires. Both the past and the future may be at stake!
Rules and Information
So, this is a fun little team battle event - nothing too serious - in which we get to poke fun at / pay homage to all of the ridiculous number of wars that the UK has been in and make use of our international userbase. Essentially, after unifying Team England and Team Scotland, Team UK sets out to conquer the world through a series of unconventional fighting robot battles with strong elements of king of the hill, capture the flag, escort quests, and so on. Not counting the unification battle, there are seven stages in total. Will Britannia rule once more, or will the sun finally set on the British Empire?
Not to be outdone, Team America (World Police) sets out to do more or less the same thing through a series of broadly similar challenges. The two teams have three rounds head to head and another four versus various international forces. The team that does better wins the event.
The rule set in use will be the same one from CBC3, and it can be found here. Each entrant that participates in more than one fight is required to provide two bots. Those who only have a single fight will only need to provide one. Discounting the unification round, no single bot can be used more than twice. Signups are open as of now and will close once we have enough interest. Preference will be given to people who actually represent the nationalities that took part in these conflicts. Barring that, hell, anyone can step in.
Team UK
Team Scotland (max. 3)
1) NoiseyGiraffe
2) [reserved - NFX]
3) Trihunter
Team England (max. 5)
1) [reserved - British-Robotics]
2) Mole55
3) Rocket
4) [reserved - GF93]
5)
Team America
The Union (max. 7)
1) Shaba117
2) V900
3) NWOWWE
4) Sagaris
5)
6)
Seven Nation Army (full)
1) Tcrrr
Team World
Team France
1) [reserved - Mystic2000]
Team Canada (max. 2)
1) The Monsterworks
2)
Team Netherlands
1) [reserved - MadBull]
Team Indonesia (full)
1) Billy5545
Team Israel (full)
1) The_Angry_Goat
Team Argentina (full)
1) YSMQTHLQYH
Team Japan (max. 2)
1)
2)
The British Challenges
Scottish Wars of Independence
Before we can have a Great Britain, we'll need to take care of a bit of pre-Union housekeeping...
Freeeeeeeedommm!!: Two Scottish bots attempt a Highland Charge against the English Oppressors and their castle. This will be a series of seven hollow, ten-armoured blocks filled with small plastic chess pieces. Once half of the chess pieces have fallen out of a block, it is considered destroyed. If the Scots destroy more than half of the castle, they win. If the English protect more than half of the castle, they win.
French Round
At least some of that land across the channel is rightfully ours! Go show those cheese-eating surrender monkeys what happens when they stand against Ol' England!
Hundred Fuckin' Years: A map of France is placed on the arena floor, divided into the thirteen mainland French states. The French bot starts in Paris. The British attacker starts in Normandy. You can 'claim' a state by remaining on it for a cumulative total of ten seconds. The first bot to rack up 10 seconds on a given state claims it. You can 'reclaim' a lost state by remaining on it for a cumulative total of twenty seconds. The bot with the most 'claimed' states at the end is the winner.
Dutch Round
Not about to let the Dutch beat us in a mercantile war, are we lads? This is a zero sum game. Get out there and show 'em how it's done!
Bursting Bubbles: The arena is divided into halves, with the Dutch bot on one side and the British on the other. Behind each starting area are fifteen 10x10 cm blocks weighing about 5kg each painted with tulips. Both bots will want to accumulate tulips up to a maximum of 21, like in blackjack. The team with the most tulips but still fewer than 21 wins. If a team has over 21 tulips on its side by the end, it loses.
American Rounds
The bloody colonials are at it again: still can't appreciate good tea, all the etiquette of sheepdogs, and just horrid at spelling. It's 'neighbour', not 'neighbor', and 'honour', not 'honor'! Across the pond we go! Class is in session!
Tea Party: Seven heavily armoured 'Tea' crates weighing 100 lbs each begin the match in a neutral circle in the middle of an arena. Two British bots start on the 'Land' side and two Americans start on the 'Water' side. Whoever has more tea on their side by the end is the winner.
Bunker Hill: An area in the middle is coloured green as 'the hill'. Two Americans start on the hill. After thirty seconds have passed, the hill goes live. You gain five points per ten seconds for every robot you have on the hill. The team with the most points at the end wins.
No Step on Snek: A slow but heavily-armoured (11 armour) and armed snakebot will be placed into the arena behind two American bots. Two British bots will attempt to 'boop' the snek, which entails dealing any sort of damage to it. The snek will try to avoid them. The Americans need to prevent the snek being booped. If the snek is booped six times during the match or disabled, the British win. If it is booped less than six times, the Americans win.
Israeli Round
It's the Middle East again. In hindsight, we should not have dipped our imperial toes in that pool of awful, but what's done is done. Make sure the Israeli chap doesn't cause too much of a fuss, would you? And while you're at it, don't let anyone harm a bloody hair on his head!
The Righteous Star: The Israeli and British bots will line up beside each other on the same side of the arena. Along the opposite wall are six static spinning hazards with stats of 0/0/0/13/11 (no weapon armour) known as 'Pals'. In order to win, the Israeli bot must destroy at least four of the six hazards so that they no longer function or be knocked out in the effort. It may not deliberately self-destruct or attack the British bot. The British bot may not directly deal damage to the Israeli bot, and it only wins if at least half of the Pals and the Israeli bot are still active.
Falklands War
Those are OUR islands! The people who live on 'em - all 23 - even say so! This is outrageous and it simply cannot stand. Head on over and see if you can do something about those meddlesome latins who just insist that the Falklands are theirs.
Sink That Ship!: One British bot faces off against one Argentinian bot. However, both have three weaponless minibot wedges with the stats 5/3/1/0/1. They can control both their main bot and the minibots. The first team to destroy the other's minibots is the winner. If the fight goes the full three minutes, the team with the most minibots still active wins.
The American Challenges
French and Indian Round
Stuck in the Middle With You: one French and one American bot will face off in a traditional battle, starting on opposite sides of the arena. In the middle of the arena will be an American Indian bot. Every time that it touches one of the two combatants, it will join that combatant's team until it makes contact with the other. There is no time limit to this fight and it can only be won by knockout or OOTA. Just as in actual history, the American Indian bot is tragically unable to win and will subsequently join Team America.
Canadian Round
The Roof, the ROOF, *THE ROOF* is on Fire!: Two American bots will face off against two Canadian bots. On the Canadian side (the ‘fire’ side), a red button marked ‘fire’ (two in total) will be located in each corner. On the American side (the ‘water’ side), a blue button marked ‘water’ (two in total) will be located in each corner. In the middle of the arena will be a large white cube: the ‘White House’, with sixteen light-up faces. Half of them will start as red. The American bots will have to press the water button and then make contact with The White House to douse it with ‘water’. Each douse of water will put out one panel of fire. The Canadians will have to continue to spread the fire. If the fire covers half or less of the White House by the end of the match, it remains ‘under control’ and the Americans win. If it covers more than half, the White House burns and the Canadians win.
American War of Independence
No Representation without Taxation! Don't Tread on Me! Remember the Maine! (wait, wrong war), Build that Wall! (eh, it works, I guess). So I'm not great at speeches. Oh well. The bottom line is that these undemocratic, unfree, corrupt royalists are taking our money. Give 'em hell!!
Tea Party: Seven heavily armoured 'Tea' crates weighing 100 lbs each begin the match in a neutral circle in the middle of an arena. Two British bots start on the 'Land' side and two Americans start on the 'Water' side. Whoever has more tea on their side by the end is the winner.
Bunker Hill: An area in the middle is coloured green as 'the hill'. Two Americans start on the hill. After thirty seconds have passed, the hill goes live. You gain five points per ten seconds for every robot you have on the hill. The team with the most points at the end wins.
No Step on Snek: A slow but heavily-armoured (11 armour) and armed snakebot will be placed into the arena behind two American bots. Two British bots will attempt to 'boop' the snek, which entails dealing any sort of damage to it. The snek will try to avoid them. The Americans need to prevent the snek being booped. If the snek is booped six times during the match or disabled, the British win. If it is booped less than six times, the Americans win.
///UNDER CONSTRUCTION///
Frenchmen, I will not bore you with long speeches about rights and honour and whatever else. This is France. They are not French. It is not theirs. On ne passe pas!
Tulips are pretty, and we imported 'em first. They're also bound to be very valuable: a staple of the economy and symbol of our country for centuries to come, most likely. Just like the English to not play nice with others. Protect those tulips!
You know what's great? Having your own country where everyone isn't constantly trying to kill you. Eh, we're working on it. These things take time. The important thing is: remove kebab. Just...don't make a mess of it, alright? And the British fella trying to get in your way? He's well-intentioned. Don't hurt him...much.
No no no NO NO!! Sovereignty doesn't work that way! The Islas Malvinas are literally right beside our country. Just because you stick some sheep and a couple of farmers there doesn't mean you get to 'own' them! Go kick the old imperialist out and back to the retirement home!